Growing Bolder Magazine: Vol. 38 by Growing Bolder

Women in the Sandwich Generation Do It All Purchasing Power of 50+ Women Meet the financial decision makers

Lifelong Friendships Why we are wired to connect

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CONTENTS 28

features 22

THE MANY ROLES OF THE SANDWICH GENERATION

Caregiving and decision-making for multiple generations

BE HERE NOW

Advice from artist and philanthropist Olivia Newton-John

special section: book excerpt GROWING BOLDER: DEFY THE CULT OF YOUTH, LIVE WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE

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THE CHALLENGE OF AGING IN PLACE

Why it takes a village

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in every issue

finance

NOTE FROM THE CEO

CONTRIBUTORS

ALUMNI DONATIONS SHAPE COLLEGE FOOTBALL

YOUR TAKE

Mid-to-late career professionals give back

Readers weigh in on how they stay social

THE RISE OF ENCORE CAREERS

GROWING BOLDER WITH

Big names, bold lives

Diverse opportunities in the “gig economy”

TRANSLATING TECH

The “gig economy” for experienced professionals

5 QUESTIONS

How to make positivity predictable

GB BOOK REVIEWS

Suggested reading for lifelong learners and bibliophiles

THE TAKEAWAY

Elizabeth Gilbert believes in the power of curiosity

defy

CARING FOR YOUR OLDER PARENTS

Taking financial control

travel 66

ADVENTURE WOMEN

Shared travel experiences strengthen bonds

MEDELLIN SURPRISES EXPATS

Safety, culture, nature and affordability

connect 49

HATTITUDE

Finding strength in defiance

The Red Hat Society builds community

ACTIVE AGING FOR ALL

LIFELONG FRIENDSHIPS

Redefining ‘active’ to be more inclusive

Why we are wired to connect

CYCLE OF LIFE

Crossing the country on two wheels

LAUNCHPAD TO WHAT’S NEXT

PICTURE PERFECT

We entered, we won and now we deliver

Career reinvention from planner to artist

NO WOMAN IS AN ISLAND

How to find your tribe

CULTIVATING GRATITUDE

Meditation and journaling to manage holiday stress

HOW DO YOU DEFINE ‘DEFY? ’

heal 19

SOUP FOR YOUR SOUL

Warm up with the flavors of the season

FROM DIAGNOSIS TO REMISSION

move

3D mammogram technology saves lives

STRENGTH IN NUMBERS

THREE PROMISES

Exercise with a buddy for accountability

From last words to new beginnings

THANK YOU JULIA AND DOTTIE

INTERACTION IMPROVES BRAIN HEALTH

Learn to support loved ones with dementia

Transforming the realm of possibility

create 16

LIVES WELL LIVED

Documentary film inspired by 103-year-old grandmother

SHARING BEAUTY

Exploring connection through the arts

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NOTE FROM THE CEO

We live in the most technologically connected age in history, and yet we are in the midst of a growing public health crisis — an epidemic of loneliness.

Weak social connection has been linked to a greater risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, anxiety and depression. Dozens of studies have concluded that people with stronger social relationships have a 50% reduced risk of mortality at any given time, while loneliness shortens a person’s life by 15 years, equivalent in impact to being obese or smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Health and wellbeing are profoundly, socially reliant; and each of us must be intentional about creating meaningful connections and investing the time and emotional energy necessary to be a good community member. We need to reach out to the friend who is providing care for her mother and grandchild, the senior living next door who never has visitors, the co-worker who seems to be withdrawing, our isolated rural friends and relatives and the underserved in our communities who become increasingly invisible and socially vulnerable as they age. Meaningful connection is becoming more difficult for the large and growing number of women in the sandwich generation — those who are caring for aging parents and children or grandchildren at the same time. They’re providing eldercare and babysitting. They’re saving for college and retirement. They’re writing checks for mortgages, assisted living and dorm rooms. They’re worrying about everyone else in their life and often neglecting themselves. This issue of “Growing Bolder” magazine highlights the importance of socialization for all of us because Community Is Immunity. Human connection is the 6

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COMMUNITY IS IMMUNITY

and the purchasing power of 50+ women

loneliness, depression and cognitive decline vaccine. We’re also celebrating the rise in what’s being called the she-economy. Women are now responsible for 85% of all purchasing decisions in the United States. They’re making small purchasing decisions, such as groceries, detergent and consumer electronics, as well as big purchasing decisions, such as houses, cars, vacations and healthcare — and they’re doing it for multiple generations of their family. These important consumers are not just spending more money, they’re earning it. With a combined net worth of over $20 trillion, women are now the sole source of income in 40% of all U.S. households. Women who are 50-plus are the largest demographic of people with incomes over $100,000. When you consider 80% of women outlive their spouses, and add to that their elderly parents passing away, women over 50 are on the receiving end of the largest transfer of wealth in history — $15 trillion over the next 20 years. In my estimation, a woman 45-70 is now the most powerful consumer alive and should be the No. 1 target of every marketer and advertiser in nearly every industry. In reality, she is usually ignored or marketed to in a manner that is fear-based or condescending. The majority of marketers still view her as they did a 50, 60 or 70-year-old woman decades ago — a woman on a fixed income with little to no discretionary money and brand preferences that are set in stone. This is a tremendous miscalculation because she is not winding down and retiring from life. She is gearing

up and thinking about what’s next. She’s a highly social master of reinvention who lives with passion and purpose. This is not secret or questionable information. The research on her wealth and spending habits is extensive and undeniable. And yet, an industry that is driven by research ignores research about women 55-plus while embracing demeaning and outdated stereotypes. Granted, marketing to older consumers can be challenging. They’ve been around the block and seen behind the curtain. Years of exposure to endless promises and over-the-top superlatives have inoculated them against the desire to throw money away in an emotional response to ridiculous claims. As a result, they’ve become savvy, word-of-mouth consumers who share experiences and recommendations in person and online. They’re part of a large and growing tribe of sophisticated consumers who value authenticity and trust the opinions of friends and others like them more than they trust million-dollar ad campaigns. This isn’t a reason to ignore the most powerful consumers alive. It’s a blueprint on how to market to them. They deserve respect and understanding. They need support and assistance as they deal with the many challenges and opportunities of an entirely new life stage that both excites and concerns them.

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Volume 38 PUBLISHER Jackie Carlin EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Emily Thompson CREATIVE DIRECTOR Ashley Heafy EXECUTIVE EDITOR Doris Bloodsworth FEATURES DIRECTOR Bill Shafer PRODUCTION DIRECTOR Jill Middleton TECHNOLOGY DIRECTOR Joshua Doolittle EDITORIAL SPECIAL FEATURES

Debby Eisinger Lisa Faire Graham Judith Mosto VIDEO + PHOTOGRAPHY

Jason Morrow, Michael Nanus, Jacob Langston CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Doris Bloodsworth Jean Chatsky Barbara Hannah Grufferman Roger Landry, M.D, M.P.H. Colin Milner Leslie Kemp Poole Laura Savini Mary Shanklin Teepa Snow GROWING BOLDER PRESS CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Marc Middleton PRESIDENT Robert Thompson SUBSCRIPTIONS

For subscriber information or address changes, visit GrowingBolder.com/subscribe or email subscriptions@growingbolder.com NEWSLETTERS

To sign up for Growing Bolder's weekly newsletter, go to GrowingBolder.com/newsletter COMMENTS

For information about advertising and sponsorships, email sales@GrowingBolder.com GROWING BOLDER IS PUBLISHED BY GROWING BOLDER PRESS

Editorial Content Â©GrowingBolder. Growing Bolder is a registered trademark of Bolder Broadcasting Inc. Reproduction or use in whole or in part of the contents of this magazine without written permission for the Publisher is prohibited. Growing Bolder Publishing makes every effort to ensure the accuracy of all published content. Neither the publisher nor advertisers will be held responsible for any errors found herein and the publisher accepts no liability for the accuracy of statements made by advertisers in ad and/or paid promotional features. The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of Growing Bolder Publishing. Growing Bolder Publishing does not endorse or recommend any article, product, service or information found within the articles. All content is presented for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional, legal, financial or medical advice. Growing Bolder Publishing expressly disclaims and denies any liability for any decisions made based upon the information presented.

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J E A N C H AT Z K Y

Jean Chatzky, financial editor of NBC’s “TODAY” show, is an award-winning personal finance journalist, bestselling author and host of the podcast “HerMoney with Jean Chatzky” on iTunes. Her newest book, “Women with Money: The Judgment-Free Guide to Creating the Joyful, Less Stressed, Purposeful (and, Yes, Rich) Life You Deserve” is available now.

BARBARA HANNAH GRUFFERMAN

Barbara Hannah Gruffermanis a nationally recognized advocate for positive livingand the author of two books. She speaks nationally on health, nutrition, career, fitness, sex and other topics related to positive and healthy aging. She also discusses these topics as a frequent guest on national and local television shows.

Photo by Matthew Peyton/ Getty Images For American Express

Contributors R O G E R L A N D RY, M . D . , M . P. H .

Roger Landry, M.D., M.P.H. is a preventative-medicine physician and author. He is president of Masterpiece Living, a group of specialists in multiple aging-related disciplines who partner with communities to assist them in becoming destinations for continued growth. Dr. Landry specializes in building environments that empower older adults to maximize their unique potential.

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L AU R A S AV I N I

When not on her bicycle, Laura Savini produces “THE KATE,” a public television music series, and hosts PBS on-air fund drives. She also produced documentaries “Power Over Parkinson’s I & II.” She works closely with her husband, songwriter Jimmy Webb, to share his music and stories with the world.

D O R I S B L O O D S WO R T H

Doris Bloodsworth, APR, is a Pulitzer-nominated writer and award-winning journalist. She is the author of several history books and is accredited nationally in public relations. She is president of Crosswords Communications and has been inducted into two Central Florida halls of fame.

COLIN MILNER

Colin Milner is CEO of the International Council on Active Aging and founder of the activeaging industry in North America. He is an award-winning writer and leading authority on the health and wellbeing of the older adult. Milner consults with organizations from Fortune 500 companies to international governmental agencies on diverse issues related to aging populations.

T E E PA S N OW

Teepa Snow is a dementia expert with 40 years of clinical and academic experience, who provides training and consulting for healthcare professionals and families. Her company, Positive Approach to Care®, provides online and in-person services, certification training and products to professionals, family members and people living with brain changes.

M A RY S H A N K L I N

Longtime journalist Mary Shanklin has written for the “Orlando Sentinel,” “USA Today,” “Architectural Record” and more. She has a master’s degree in publishing from George Washington University and is the founder of Fifth Estate Media in Winter Garden, Florida.

LESLIE KEMP POOLE

Leslie Kemp Poole is an author and assistant professor of environmental studies at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. Her work reflects her interest in how women, who historically had little political power, rallied together in grassroots efforts to protect the environment and preserve natural resources.

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YOUR TAKE I work out three times a week with Camp Gladiator, a group boot camp program. Folks are all ages and all fitness levels. Although the workouts are tough at times, it is time well spent. Getting outside and pushing your limits and socializing with new friends is fun, fantastic and keeps this 61-yearold grandma going. I love it! One of our sayings is, “CG strong, all day long!” I incorporate that saying to my everyday work life.

NANCY D.

Socialization is one of the most important keys to successful aging. How do you stay social? One way to get social is to dance! I am 58, and we have a belly dance group for women between the ages of 55 to 86 years.

CARMEN M. São Paulo, Brazil

My friends and family have been my lifeline during the last six months. Their love and encouragement has made all the difference.

Sanford, Florida

I have friends that I met on social media and they have kept me positive during struggles, and I try to do the same for them! I just got back from Australia and New Zealand where I met up with a couple of my Facebook friends! What a wonderful time, and the trip was extraordinary in every way! Love these people so much! They mean the world to me!

A L I C E J OA N A . Pierre, South Dakota

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D E B B I E F. Orlando, Florida

I have amazing friends, like guardian angels. I would never have lived my life without them.

SUE B. Kidderminster, England

FRIENDSHIP

ISN’T A BIG THING. IT’S A MILLION LITTLE THINGS.

Visit: GrowingBolder.com Subscribe: GrowingBolder.com/subscribe Follow: @GrowingBolder

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Lifelong friends still barefoot waterski BILL SHAFER

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One way to live life to the fullest is to keep looking forward; but as the years roll by, sometimes it’s easier to just look back. What’s past can be comforting and reassuring. What’s ahead can be uncertain and intimidating. Living in the past can be the beginning of the end. Living in the future can be full of opportunity, possibility and excitement. So how do you resist the lure of looking back and instead turn towards tomorrow? It starts by having good friends and new adventures. For over 40 years as a surgeon, work has been Dr. Theodore Eisenstat’s life. He seldom had any free time. Now 76, he’s semi-retired and has more time than he knows what to do with. “It was a real adjustment,” he said. “I could see how easy it would be to just slide into complacency, not do anything and disengage from life.” He said he’s seen it with his patients many times. When they retired, he would notice some transition from being active, energetic and engaged to sedentary, purposeless and apathetic. In some cases, even their health would suffer. It became clear to Eisenstat that they needed a prescription — not for medicine, but for socialization. Friendships are important for your mental wellbeing, and there are physical health benefits as well. According to the American Geriatric Society, people who are socially involved have a 50% chance of outliving those who are alone. Studies have found that dementia is 150% times more common in those who consider themselves lonely. Being active socially has been shown to reduce stress, which lowers blood pressure and the risk of heart disease. People with strong friendships seem to recover more quickly from illness. According to the “Journal of the American Geriatric Society,” people who are surrounded by friends are less likely to suffer from depression.

Eisenstat found his social connection with a group for which he never had much time when he was a fulltime surgeon. They came together over an unusual shared interest: barefoot waterskiing. “You know, the crazy thing is, we met in Florida at (barefoot skiing legend) Banana George’s tournament,” recalls Fred Steinbaum. “I said, ‘Where are you from?’ He said, ‘New Jersey,’ and I couldn't believe it.” They called themselves the Barefoot Jersey Boys; and in addition to Eisenstat and retired medical oncologist Steinbaum, 77, the group includes medical school Dean Marty Levine, 64, and retired railroad worker Dan “Sparky” Wicks, 61. Together, they began planning annual getaways to Florida where they could ski all day every day. It was there they added Don Simon, 79, of Ocklawaha, Florida; Ron Coonse, 64; Mark Donahue, 54, from Indiana; Jon DeBelic, 55 of Wisconsin and Wayne King, 58, from Winnipeg, Manitoba. Over the years they became friends and got together whenever they could, anywhere they could put their bare feet on water. At first, it was all about the skiing. But soon it became clear that their friendships were just as important. “Having each other means a great deal, because there are a lot of days you don't feel like getting out of bed,” Levine said. “But when you know the guys are counting on you to be there at 5:30 a.m., you show up;

M OV E

and boom, you’ve just spent the whole day on the water.” Watching them spend the day at the lake is like watching teenagers. They are constantly teasing each other, talking smack and boasting of their accomplishments. Most noticeable is all the smiling and laughing that never seems to stop. The physical workout that comes from the rigorous sport of barefoot skiing seems to them to be an unexpected benefit. “I don't go to the gym,” Wicks said. “This is not about trying to stay in shape as we get older. We don’t think about getting older, we’re just doing what we love.” There are risks when water skiing, and the Barefoot Jersey Boys have had their share of injuries; but it’s having each other, socialization, that helps them heal. “When you do get hurt, there's only one thing on your mind,” explains Eisenstat. “How fast can I get back on the water? What do I have to do, and how soon can we get started?” There’s something about being around friends that washes the age away. Still, they all know the clock is ticking; but while they can, they’re having so much fun, and staying in such good shape, that they don’t have time to worry. “I don't think about my age, and I don't think I'll ever stop,” Steinbaum said. “I know there’s a chance I'm going to die on the lake, and that’s fine. I’ll be doing what I love and surrounded by my friends.”

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LIVES WELL LIVED

DOCUMENTARY FILM INSPIRED BY 103-YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER BILL SHAFER

Sky Bergman grew up with her grandmother and considered her one of her closest friends and most important influences. “She was still working out at the gym when she was 99; and I thought, ‘Oh my God, I better film that because nobody's going to believe it,’” Bergman said. Bergman took a camera to the gym to record the workout of her soon-to-be centenarian grandmother. “I shot her working out and then asked her to offer some words of wisdom about a life well-lived,” Bergman recalls. “When I returned home to California, I put together a one-minute video clip to share with friends; and that’s how it all began.” That single video changed the trajectory of Bergman’s life, sending her on a four-year journey to find and interview other inspiring seniors. A professor of Photography and Video in Art & Design at California Polytechnic State University, Bergman was now a first-time filmmaker, self-funding a personal project. “I always say that the more personal your message is, the more universal it becomes. This was something that I absolutely had to do. I was eating, breathing and living it until I got it finished. I just made it happen,” Bergman said. The result is the feature documentary film, “Lives Well Lived, Celebrating the Secrets, Wit and Wisdom of Age.” The film highlights 40 people from age 75 to 100 sharing secrets and insights to living a meaningful life. Bergman’s grandmother traveled from her home in Florida to California when she was 103 to attend a sold-out, sneak preview of the film that she inspired. “She passed away peacefully six weeks after the screening,” Bergman said. “She literally said, ‘I'm done,’ stopped eating and drinking and passed away within two days. She lived long enough to see the film on the big screen. That was her goal and she did it.“ “Lives Well Lived” has received critical acclaim and continues to inspire audiences at screenings nationwide. Bergman says there are at least three major takeaways from the film. “I’ve come to believe that active longevity is the result of a positive mental attitude more than anything else,” she said. “They’re not necessarily the healthiest elders around; but no matter what the situation is, they all look at the glass

as being half full rather than half empty. That attitude keeps them moving forward and helps them overcome the normal challenges of aging. “Secondly, everyone that I interviewed has the desire to keep learning and giving back. They are lifelong learners and lifelong givers. “And finally, they all have a strong, intergenerational support group. It’s not always family. Sometimes it’s friends, neighbors or the community; but they are all surrounded by support and encouragement. My grandmother used to say that the secret to living a long life is to have younger friends, and that definitely seems to be true from my experience” Sky Bergman is now 53; and like all of us, she often wonders what’s next. But thanks to the example of her grandmother and the others she met on her filmmaking journey, she’s no longer afraid of what lies ahead. “I’ve learned to view getting older as something to cherish rather than dread,” she said.

I’ve come to believe that active longevity is the result of a positive mental attitude more than anything else.

TO L E A R N M O R E A B O U T B E R G M A N A N D H E R F I L M , V I S I T L I V E S - W E L L- L I V E D . C O M .

C R E AT E

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WHEN THEY WANT TO TALK... Alan Alda - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - Jane Pauley - Tim Gunn - Dick Van Dyke Herb Alpert - Carol Burnett - Melissa Etheridge - Olivia Newton-John Buzz Aldrin - Weird Al Yankovic - Roz Savage - Dr. T. Berry Brazelton Michio Kaku - Cyndi Lauper - Estelle Parsons - Charlie Daniels - Bill Nye Brian Wilson - Diana Nyad - Debbie Allen - Debra Winger - Chita Rivera Christopher Walken - Dr. Dean Ornish - Robert Wagner - Gayle King Annabelle Gurwitch - Suze Orman - Carl Reiner - Neil Sedaka - Sela Ward Dr. Andrew Weil - Ed McMahon - Felicity Huﬀman - Rip Taylor - Mike Love Scott Hamilton - Valerie Bertinelli - Herbie Hancock - Temple Grandin Lee Grant - Dave Barry - Clark Howard - Kenny Rogers - George Wallace Jean Chatzky - Dr. Mehmet Oz - Lesley Stahl - Henry Winkler - Bobby Vinton Dr. Daniel Amen - Kenny G - Anson Williams - Mel Tillis - Rich Little Andy Williams - Dr. Robert Butler - Jon Cryer - John Rich - JD Powers Susan Powter - Howie Mandel - Clive Cussler - Suzanne Somers - Fabian Coach John Wooden - William H. Macy - Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn - Tom Smothers Jillian Michaels - Loretta Swit - Kathy Smith - Davy Jones - Regina King Dan Buettner - Johnny Mathis - Paul Reiser - Chef Eric Ripert - Rita Rudner Cokie Roberts - Marion Ross - Jane Seymour - BJ Thomas - Aaron Neville Rowdy Gaines - Pat Boone - Gilbert Gottfried - Tanya Tucker - Mickey Gilley Dr. Ruth Westheimer - Julie Newmar - Kenny Loggins - Linda Gray - Melanie Cheryl Tiegs - Richard Simmons - Martha Reeves - Melissa Manchester Philippe Cousteau - Ian Anderson - Charlie Pride - Kathy Freston - Dan Harris Billy Bob Thornton - Chubby Checker - Dr. Richard Carmona - Crystal Gayle Michael Winslow - Sherwood Schwartz - Jacqueline Bisset - Nancy Cartwright Anne Archer - Cesar Milan - Barbara Corcoran - JJ Walker - Paul Williams Darrell Waltrip - Micky Dolenz - Donny Most - Elaine Stritch - Roger Daltrey Roger McGuinn - Anne Archer - Cheryl Strayed - Mark Farner - Boz Skaggs Bobby Goldsboro - Neil Diamond - Rick Springﬁeld - Rickie Lee Jones John O’Hurley - Gordon Lightfoot - Dee Wallace - Little Anthony - Tony Dow Mariette Hartley - Dr. Bill Thomas - Al Roker - Maureen McGovern - Don McLean Dr. Gene Cohen - Robert Vaughn - Ken Dychtwald - Fran Tarkenton Marianne Williamson - David-Clayton Thomas - Barry Livingston - Ed Asner JoJo Starbuck - Doris Roberts - Ernie Hudson - Daniel Pink - James Patterson Dr. Joseph Coughlin - Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. - Ari Seth Cohen Cary Elwes - Dr. David Agus - Rich Roll - Dr. Kenneth Cooper - Crystal Gayle Samantha Brown - Eddie Money - Tao Porchon-Lynch - Dr. Ellen Langer Mark Victor Hansen - Petula Clark - Diane Rehm - Madonna Buder Cloris Leachman - Lynda Carter - Vicki Lawrence - Jack LaLanne - Lee Majors Tim Conway - Paul Williams - Joan Lunden - Ed Begley Jr. - David Cassidy Carol Channing - Linda Evans - Robert Lutz - Florence Henderson - Rose Marie Daniel Levitin - Gretchen Rubin - Elizabeth Gilbert - Louie Anderson Judy Collins - Debbie Allen - Marlo Thomas - Toni Tennille - Lea Thompson Deepak Chopra - Cindy Williams - Beverly D’Angelo - Dr. Thomas Perls

THEY TALK TO Growing Bolder TV, Radio and Podcast. Watch. Listen. Learn. 18

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Soup For Your Soul Warm Up With the Flavors of the Season C O L L E T T E H AW

When the crisp air begins to make its annual entrance, there is nothing cozier or more comforting than a hearty bowl of soup. It’s also the perfect food to put on the stove and let simmer as you invite friends and family over to enjoy the smells and flavors of autumn. Not only will this Cauliflower Cashew Soup satisfy your hunger, this warming recipe is packed with a powerhouse of nutrition. Cauliflower is high in fiber, B-vitamins, antioxidants, phytonutrients and choline, which is essential for learning and memory. The cashews can help reduce blood pressure and aid in raising good cholesterol levels. Cashews also contain potassium, Vitamins E and B-6 and folic acid. The turmeric in curry powder is key in reducing inflammation. Turmeric’s active ingredient is curcumin, which is a powerful antioxidant and lowers levels of two inflammation-causing enzymes. Grab a spoon and sip up this goodness! HEAL

C AU L I F LOW E R C A S H E W S O U P

Yields 5 Ingredients 1 TA B L E S P O O N O L I V E O I L 2 M E D I U M S H A L LOT S , P E E L E D A N D S L I C E D 8 C LOV E S G A R L I C 2 T E A S P O O N S C U R RY P OW D E R 1 P O U N D C AU L I F LOW E R 1 CUP CASHEWS 2 TA B L E S P O O N S N U T R I T I O N A L Y E A S T 3 CUPS ALMOND MILK 2 C U P S V E G E TA B L E S TO C K ½ T E A S P O O N G R O U N D B L AC K P E P P E R P I N K H I M A L AYA N S A LT TO TA S T E 4 T E A S P O O N S R E D T H A I C U R RY

Directions Heat pot on medium heat. Add the shallots, garlic and curry powder and saute until onions become slightly tender. Add cauliflower, cashews, nutritional yeast, almond milk, vegetable stock, black pepper, salt and red Thai curry and then let the mixture simmer with the lid on until the cauliflower becomes tender. Once the cauliflower and cashews are tender, place all the ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. Taste for seasoning, then the soup is ready to serve! Garnish with a little chopped cashews and picked cilantro, if desired.

Nutrition information Calories 484, fat 35.1g, sodium 1762mg, carbs 22.1g, fiber 6.1g, protein 13.7g G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 8

GROWING BOLDER WITH

73 Melvin Brown Movin’ Melvin Brown just may be the most interesting man in the world. His singing and dancing skills have landed him roles in movies and created opportunities to work with legends, such as B.B. King, James Brown and Lionel Ritche. He performed at Maya Angelou’s 80th birthday celebration. He’s also a tireless advocate for the homeless, particularly teens and the elderly, near his home in Austin, Texas. Now he’s found his greatest passion yet — inspiring others, especially those who think their dancing days are over, to dance their way to health. “My energy is up. I’ve got unlimited potential for my life from this moment on. You’ve got to live in the moment,” he said. Brown travels around the world, entertaining audiences with his old-fashioned, song-and-dance shows that feature a little singing, a little dancing, a little comedy and a lot of fun. They’re also an act of endurance. The 73-year-old still performs his two-hour shows without a break. “When I get up in the morning, I celebrate that I’m alive. Everything that can happen in life happens from this moment on,” he said.

55 Rosie Perez Rosie Perez spent her childhood bouncing around group foster homes and dealing with her mother’s schizophrenia. Despite the odds, she knew she was destined for greater things in life. “Even as a little child, I always knew I was better than the situation I was placed in. I just needed an opportunity,” she said. “I readied myself for success. I made sure my mind was sharp for any opportunity that presented itself.” That opportunity came at 19 when a “Soul Train” scout saw her dancing in a club. Even though she wasn’t a professional dancer, she seized that opportunity; and before long, she was choreographing dances for “In Living Color” and music videos for the likes of Janet Jackson and Diana Ross. By 24, Spike Lee cast her in “Do the Right Thing.” Today, the Oscar-nominated actress wants other women to know not only are they, too, capable of incredible things, she wants women to celebrate their achievements. “Women should start patting themselves on the backs, especially the ones who have overcome such great difficulties. I don’t want them to shy away from their strength and their courage. I’m really proud of myself, and I want other women to feel proud, as well,” Perez said. Photo Credit: Joella Marano

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Rosanne Cash

Cary Elwes

Johnny Cash is one of the most iconic musicians in history, but his daughter Rosanne Cash’s successful career is the result of her own talent, hard work and grit. She’s a Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter with nearly a dozen No. 1 hits and is a bestselling author. Her latest album, “She Remembers Everything,” features collaborations with artists, such as Kris Kristofferson, Elvis Costello and the Decemberists’ Colin Meloy.

“As you wish!”

Like most of her albums over the past 25 years, it’s produced by her husband and music partner John Leventhal. She says it has taken them years to learn to work together in harmony.

Those three words, uttered by lovestruck farm boy Westley in Rob Reiner’s classic film, “The Princess Bride,” instantly endeared actor Cary Elwes to a generation of filmgoers. More than 30 years later, Elwes is still entertaining audiences with standout roles in shows such as “Stranger Things” and the upcoming season of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” But that doesn’t mean “The Princess Bride” is ever far from his heart.

“John and I have worked hard at getting to a place where we don’t take everything personally when we’re in the studio. We work at bringing our best selves to each other and appreciate what the other one does well, which is really marriage in a nutshell,” she said.

To celebrate the film’s 30th anniversary, Elwes looked back on this beloved movie in his book, “As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of ‘The Princess Bride.'” In it, he shared never-beforetold, behind-the-scenes stories from the film, which also starred Chris Sarandon, Mandy Patinkin, Wallace Shawn, Robin Wright and Billy Crystal.

Cash has never run from the shadows of her famous father and stepmother, June Carter Cash, but she’s also forged a career that is uniquely Rosanne. She says her years and experience make her feel free.

“There were no egos on this set. It was just a case of having fun. It was like theater camp, with all of us running around the English countryside dressed as pirates and princesses,” Elwes said.

“It can take a lot of doubt and uncertainty to get to this place. I know a lot of people who are burnt out at my age, and I’m so lucky I still feel inspired. I’m still in love with my husband. I love being a mom. I love my work. And when I do feel burnt out and tired, I remind myself I’m lucky to do what I do,” Cash said.

He said the sweet story and its lessons on the power of love are still with him today. Photo Courtesy of Miranda Penn

Photo Credit: Clay Patrick McBride

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THE MANY ROLES OF THE SANDWICH GENERATION D E B BY EISINGER

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The day I finished my education degree at Florida State University, my husband, Lee, had our belongings packed in a U-haul ready to hit the road for our new home in Atlanta. It was 1972, and we had no idea what adventures lie ahead and had never heard of the “sandwich generation.” We were in love and eager to start a new chapter in our life together. After settling into our new home, I became the first woman the State of Georgia hired to do wage and salary administration. Two years later, we moved to my husband’s hometown, Akron, Ohio, where I became the first trial paralegal at the largest law firm in town. Being the first at something isn't always what you expect, but I think that helped prepare me to become an advocate for the rights of others — our son, Todd, who has Down syndrome; my mother-in-law, who had Alzheimer's, and then for my own elderly parents. My most important role has always been being a mother to Justin, 42, Erin, 40, and Todd, 37. When Todd was born, our older children grew up much faster than their peers and were much more self-sufficient. I remember other moms coming to school when their children forgot their homework or lunch. Justin and Erin never seemed to forget things like that. Volunteering has always been important to me. So, while our children were in school, I was a PTA mom at the local and state levels. I also volunteered for almost 20 years at the Akron Children’s Hospital holiday benefit. I was asked to be a member of Junior League. But when Todd was born a few months later, I postponed the opportunity for 12 years. My volunteer service helped prepare me to run my own business and eventually to help Todd with his. In 1994, when Lee’s mother started exhibiting signs of dementia, we took over her care. My mother-in-law and I spent almost every day together for the next five years. We had never been extremely close; but during this time, we came to truly appreciate each other. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was when she told me she knew she could always count on me. "Mother was the necessity of invention" when Lee invented HomeSenser, a device to shut off his mom’s unattended electric stove to prevent her from having a cooking fire, because she didn't want to leave her home. Even after she moved to assisted living, we continued to see her almost daily. I took her to appointments, shopping and out to eat. Lee was already running a business, so we decided I would start and run a company to produce the HomeSenser safety device. HomeSense Enterprises was born, and I've been the president for 17 years. In 2007, Todd was selected to represent Ohio in the World Special Olympics Summer Games in Shanghai China. It meant raising at least $5,000 to cover his expenses. I became a legal guardian to protect his rights if someone tried to take advantage of him. Our entire family was able to make the trip and see Todd win four medals in swimming!

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Our County Board of Developmental Disabilities contacted us in 2009 about a new grant aimed at helping adults become entrepreneurs. Because there were no greeting cards featuring a person with a disability in the marketplace, we launched INSPIRES 2 ASPIRE, and I became Todd's business manager. Today, the company has 19 different cards available at inspires2aspire.com. Todd attends local events as well as National Down Syndrome conferences where he sells his cards and posters as well as presents workshops about living with Down syndrome and running a business. Todd has two part-time jobs in addition to his greeting card business. He works at McDonald's as a greeter/dining room attendant, and he also works at the home games for the Cleveland Browns checking season ticket holders into a private club at the stadium. Since Todd doesn't drive, we either use a transportation program or drive him ourselves. In recent years, I’ve needed to travel more often. Ten years ago, my 91-year-old mother in Florida had a stroke, which affected her vision, requiring full-time care. My 97-year-old father passed away last December after several years of declining health. It has meant frequent trips to their home to assist my siblings in our parents’ care. Because our older children live on the West Coast, I fly out there whenever possible to visit them and our darling granddaughter. Everyone feels overwhelmed by life at times. I find that attending church helps keep me grounded in my faith and gives me strength to carry on. Looking back at that day we left Tallahassee, so long ago, I could not have imagined the joys and challenges my life would face. But because we’ve worked as a team, I wouldn’t trade my life for any other. I’m blessed that my parents lived into their 90s and that all three of our children have found happiness in their lives.

Debby Eisinger with her family at the 2007 Special Olympics World Championships in Shanghai. From left to right: Debby Eisinger, daughter Erin Eisinger, son Todd Eisinger, Team USA Swimming Coach Jim Brinkman, Debby's husband Lee Eisinger and their son Justin Eisinger.

Along the way, I learned tips that helped me be an effective advocate for my loved ones while making decisions for three generations: ɁɁ Be kind and remember the Golden Rule — treat others how you would like them to treat you. ɁɁ When you are advocating for your loved one, don’t accept no from someone who doesn’t have the authority to say yes. ɁɁ Make a daily list of what needs to be accomplished, and keep a calendar on your phone. ɁɁ Don’t sweat the small stuff. And actually, it’s all small stuff. Don’t beat yourself up over things you can’t accomplish. ɁɁ Don’t be afraid to ask for help. ɁɁ If you have a friend who is caring for someone else, offer to help. Sit with their loved one, cook a meal, offer to run errands. Even if they say no, keep offering. Many of us are hesitant to ask for or accept help. ɁɁ Research the latest information about the needs, medications and treatments for your loved one. ɁɁ Find support groups and check for respite care that might be available. ɁɁ Remember to take time for yourself. If you’re not healthy, you won’t be able to help others.

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WOMEN WIELD PURCHASING POWER Women 50+ control two-thirds of all private wealth in the U.S. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; over $22 trillion and make 80-95% of the purchase decisions for their households including : 3

1 Oxford Economics 2 Nielsen, AARP 3 MassMutual Financial Group, Nielsen Research 4 McKinsey Research, Pew Internet, Deloitte

The nearly 118 million Americans age 50 and older account for 83% of all U.S household wealth, and more than $7.6 trillion of annual economic activity1. 50+ consumers are the most powerful economic engine of all time dominating 119 out of 123 Consumer Packaged Goods (CPG) categories2; and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s women, age 50 and older, who are disproportionally behind this trend.

90% 91% 92% 80% 93% 93%

O F H E A LT H C A R E

OF NEW HOMES

O F VAC AT I O N S

OF NEW CARS

O F FO O D

O F OTC P H A R M AC E U T I C A L S

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In Greater Fort Lauderdale, we welcome everyone who shares our spirit of adventure. Discover a vibrant collection of cultures and activities, along with many ways to stay and play. Start planning at sunny.org

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QUESTIONS

C'mon Get Happy

Unlock the Equation that Makes Positivity Predictable JAC K I E C A R L I N

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We are desperate to be happy. Americans invest millions of dollars each year on books, classes, experiences, goods and more, all promising to make us happier. It turns out we’re making the wrong kind of investment. It’s time to learn how to invest in ourselves. Did you wake up happy today? Actually, no! I’m on a book tour and my first interview was at 5:20 a.m. But that’s sort of the point of the book — happiness is a choice, and you need to invest in it. So, I did my daily 10 minutes of meditation, and then I was happy. It’s just about doing the exercises.

On the cover of “The Happiness Equation,” you lay out the formula: Want nothing (contentment) + Do anything (freedom) = Have everything. How did you come up with that? Every year for the past few years, I’ve been invited to be a guest speaker at this incredible conference for the highest potential 15- to 17-year-olds in the country. I used to get questions like, “How do I get into a good school?” Or, “How do I make more money?” Now, they ask me: “How do I reduce my anxiety?” “How do I find balance?” “How do I get more space in my life?” “How do I become a better friend?” Their values are shifting. The equation on the front of the book reflects our shifting values system. We want freedom. We want contentment. Those are the two big things that help our happiness

In the book, you remind everybody to remember the lottery. What do you mean? There are 115 billion people who have ever lived. You get to be one of the 7 billion people alive today. That means 14 out of every 15 people who’ve ever lived will never have a bowl of chocolate ice cream again, they’ll never kiss their kids goodnight, they’ll never see another sunset. You’ve already won the lottery. You get to enjoy any or all of those small pleasures. We only get, on average, 25,000 sunsets in our lives. So, I’m saying, enjoy it. If you make more than $5,000, you’re already exceeding the world average income. If you’re in the United States, you’re in one of the happiest countries in the world, although I know it doesn’t always feel that way. Remembering the lottery is about taking a step back and remembering how lucky you are to be alive.

I N E V E RY I S S U E : 5 Q U E S T I O N S

You’re not a big fan of retirement. Why not? I call retirement “the dream we all have that is completely wrong.” Listen, retirement was invented out of the blue in Germany in 1889 when Chancellor Otto Von Bismarck had a youth unemployment issue. He said, “I have an idea. If you’re 65 years or older, you can leave if you want; and we’ll pay you a little bit of money until you die.” Well, the average lifespan then was 67 years old. Now we’re living longer, and we want to retire earlier. The problem is, we don’t actually want to do nothing. We actually want the four “S”s — social, stimulation, structure and story. I don’t care if you’re making money, but you have to be doing something you love. The average lifespan in Okinawa is seven years longer than ours, and they don’t even have a word for retirement.

One of the words they do have is “ikigai.” What does that mean? It’s a Japanese term that means “the reason you get up in the morning.” They have more 100-year-olds in Okinawa than anywhere else in the world. Last Christmas, I gave my wife an ikigai card. It cost 10 cents. It’s a piece of paper folded in half, and you leave it on your bedside table. She’s a teacher, and she wrote down “to educate leaders who make a difference in the world.” As a writer, I wrote down “to spread happiness throughout organizations.” When you open your eyes in the morning, your ikigai card tells you where you’re going. If you know where you’re going, you feel more productive and happier throughout your day. Neil Pasricha is a New York Times bestselling author. His first book, “The Book of Awesome,” was an international bestseller and inspired three follow-ups. Pasricha is also one of the most popular TED speakers of all time and holds an MBA from Harvard Business School. He became director of the Institute for Global Happiness after a decade running leadership development inside Walmart. One of the world’s leading advocates of positivity and simple pleasures, Pasricha is now presenting a formula for a happy life in his book, “The Happiness Equation.”

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Westend61/Getty Images

TRANSLATING TECH The gig economy for experienced professionals E M I LY T H O M P S O N

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The traditional 40-hour workweek in an office is a thing of the past. How about working from a laptop on a beach in Thailand instead? Clients and talent both benefit from the flexibility of project-based work. Experienced professionals have the opportunity to work remotely while still earning rates commensurate with traditional executive jobs. Opportunities range from business consulting to architecture and engineering. Clients benefit from the ability to hire talent quickly who can deliver specific projects and expertise without the overhead of a full-time employee.

TalMix

TalMix.com connects talent and companies in more than 150 countries. Opportunities for talent range from project-based work to interim projects and even full-time employment in 100+ sectors. The experience level for TalMix’s 400,000+ consultants ranges from junior consultants to c-suite level executives. ɁɁ ɁɁ ɁɁ ɁɁ

Free for consultants, companies pay a fee for talent placement TalMix handles invoicing and payment between parties Consultants compete for projects based on the strength of their proposal Clients give consultants a ballpark budget range, and consultant negotiates final details

Guru

Guru.com freelancers have experience in a variety of professional services, including web development, advertising, sales and marketing, finance, graphic design, architecture and engineering and law, among others. Employers post jobs and freelancers create a profiles to search listings and to apply. Clients can pay by project milestones, by task, by the hour or use recurring payments. Clients pay a 2.5% transaction fee each time they pay an invoice. ɁɁ 3,000,000 members worldwide ɁɁ 1,000,000 jobs completed ɁɁ $250,000,000 paid to Guru freelancers

Upwork

The largest of the freelance websites, Upwork.com is used by 5+ million businesses globally. Work is available for short-term tasks, recurring projects and full-time contract work. The site is free for clients to search candidates and for freelancers to create profiles. Clients approve work through upwork.com before freelancers begin their scope. Invoicing and payment are also made through the Upwork website. ɁɁ ɁɁ ɁɁ ɁɁ

170+ countries Price work by the hour or set a fixed price Freelancers pay a 20% fee on their first $500 of transactions, then the fee drops to 10% per transaction Clients pay a 3% transaction fee when they pay their freelancers

Toptal

Toptal.com is an exclusive network of freelance project managers, software developers, finance experts, designers and product managers. To ensure that they are providing top-rated talent, only 3% of freelancers who apply to find work through Toptal are accepted. Clients include Fortune 500 companies as well as small businesses. Toptal provides a no-risk trial period for clients when they hire a freelancer. Clients pay a $500 initial fee which is refunded if they decide not to hire a freelancer. Clients also pay an hourly rate, which is significantly more than the rate actually earned by the freelancer. ɁɁ ɁɁ ɁɁ

Global network of talent Only 3% of freelancers are approved to work with Toptal clients No-risk trial period for employers

Graphite

Graphite.com vets consultants, executives and boutique firms for clients looking for specific domainknowledge and functional experience. They vet their growing talent pool of 5,200+ so that clients can find the talent efficiently. Graphite Experts are experts in their fields. Clients can post listings to the website, call or email account managers for help specifying the scope of work, required skills and time required for the engagement. Graphite handpicks candidates for clients to interview over the phone or in-person. Clients and experts use the Graphite website to manage the engagement and handle contracting and billing. ɁɁ ɁɁ ɁɁ

800+ consultants with Big-3 consulting experience (Bain, Boston Consulting Group, McKinsey) 65% of experts have advanced degrees from top programs (MBA, Ph.D., J.D., etc.) 12-15 years of experience working at top firms

I N E V E RY I S S U E : T R A N S L AT I N G T EC H

MOST PROFE SSIONAL WORK IN THE GIG ECONOMY IS LO C AT I O N I N D E P E N D E N T. W O R K R E M OT E LY F R O M ANY WHERE WITH A WIFI CONNEC TION .

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Education Programs to Motivate Your Healthiest Self The Center for Health & Wellbeing is an 80,000-square foot, state-of-the-art facility located in the heart of Winter Park, Florida. From personalized fitness plans and picturesque walking trails and gardens to the leading physicians and medical services, there is plenty to inspire and motivate you to becoming your healthiest. We host nationally recognized experts, stimulating speakers and group meetings centered around the Seven Dimensions of Wellbeing. Our programs educate and inspire our community on all things health and wellbeing, covering topics like: • • • •

Health & Wellness Seminars Cooking Tips for a Healthier You Hobby-Focused Programs like Dance, Art and Pottery And Many More

To learn more and to register for all Center programs, please visit YourHealthandWellbeing.org/events or call 407-644-CHWB. The Center for Health & Wellbeing is a partnership between the Winter Park Health Foundation and AdventHealth.

Stu Morley

BE OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN'S HERE NEW PERSPECTIVE AFTER CANCER DIAGNOSIS

BILL SHAFER

Ever since the release of the 1974 chart-topping single, “I Honestly Love You,” Olivia Newton-John has been a household name. Other hits, including “Have You Never Been Mellow,” “Please, Mr. Please,” soon followed. Her beauty, accent and unique brand of country-flavored pop helped her become a mainstay on the music scene and more. The four-time Grammy winner also appeared on television and in movies, the most iconic being her role in the 1978 film “Grease,” in which she starred with John Travolta. Now, she faces her most serious challenge yet in her fight against cancer. It was September of last year when Olivia Newton-John announced she was battling cancer for the third time. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer 27 years ago. It returned in 2013. Now, the cancer is back again. Soon after she went public with the news, several tabloids inaccurately reported she was near death. “I’ll admit, I had a rough year; but it wasn’t anything like that,” she revealed to Growing Bolder. Newton-John explained that doctors discovered a tumor at the base of her spine, and she was hospitalized for a fractured sacrum. G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 8

Performing on stage before leading the inaugural Wellness Walk in Melbourne, Australia. Photo by Scott Barbour/Getty Images

“I had to learn to walk again and ended up being a patient in my own hospital, which was quite an empowering experience,” she said. The Olivia Newton-John Cancer Wellness & Research Center in Australia is one of the few facilities in the world to offer leading treatment, wellness programs, clinical trials and breakthrough research, all under one roof. “It makes me feel so proud,” she said, "because it supports each patient — body, mind and spirit — with therapy, music, art, oncological massage, acupuncture, all the things that have helped me on my journey.” Despite reports to the contrary, Newton-John says she has been doing well. "I’m strong, I’m back, I’m feeling good and loving every minute of life,” she said. Many of those moments of life are spent not just on her own cancer fight, but helping others battle as well. She decided to auction off her iconic black outfit from Grease along with other personal clothing and memorabilia to raise funds for her Cancer Research and Wellness Center. “And I honestly feel wonderful about it, knowing somebody's going to win these items and others are going to benefit from them,” she said. Newton-John has maintained a courageous stance throughout her cancer journey in a way that has revealed an inspiring honesty and strength. She believes the key is having the proper perspective. “I've always been a pretty joyful, happy person, so that helps,” she explains. “But something eventually is going to happen to all of us, whether it’s cancer or something falls on your head. You just never know. That said, when you do have a cancer diagnosis, it makes you more aware of things you don't generally think about. It’s probably made me even more appreciative of everything and so grateful for all the people in my life — the friendships, the love and the gifts that I've been given. I honestly feel I am a very lucky person.” A cancer diagnosis often brings the importance of family to the forefront.

London, UK, 1971. Photo by Jack Kay/Daily Express/Getty Images

And for Newton-John, her relationship with her daughter has been a great source of strength. Recently, the two of them made music history when they became the first motherdaughter combination to have a single hit the top of the charts. “My daughter, who I adore and who is incredibly talented, came up with the idea to do a disco version of one of my songs, “Magic,”” said Newton-John. “So, after getting permission from my friend John Farrer, who wrote it, she updated the lyrics a bit, we re-recorded it and it became a No. 1 dance record. It was so much fun, and I love her so much that we’ve even talked about doing something else at some point.” In spite of her health challenges, Newton-John has been quite busy. She recently wrote and published her memoir, “Don’t Stop Believin’”, named after a song she released early in her career. “I decided to write the book because I heard that an Australian company was making a television

Photo by Paramount/Getty Images

movie about my life, and I was not involved in the production at all,” she said. “I wasn't sure how they were going to tell my story; so I thought, if something is going to be out there, I’d better start writing myself just to be sure people can separate fact from fiction.” Her book traces her journey through her music and film career, shares a few private details and tells stories about some of the people she met and worked with along the way. As for her future, all she can do is stay positive and keep living life to the fullest. In fact, if there is a prognosis, she doesn’t really want to know it. “Sometimes, when doctors give you a timeframe, mentally you can give into that,” she explains. “Psychologically, that wouldn’t do me much good. What does is knowing that I have love in my life, I have a wonderful husband and daughter and I’ve had the most amazing career. What’s to be sad about?” If there is a takeaway, something she hopes others can learn from everything she’s been through is never forget that life is all about perspective. “I hate when people dread each coming birthday,” she said. “I feel so lucky to have made it into my 70s. Be grateful for it. Every year, every day and every second is a gift. Every day we learn how fragile life can be, especially when you’ve had cancer three times. Instead, try very hard to live in the moment and appreciate each moment. Don’t dwell on the past or worry too much about the future. Just be here now. That’s all we’ve got. That’s all any of us know we have.”

Don’t dwell on the past or worry too much about the future. Just be here now. That’s all we’ve got. That’s all any of us know we have. 35

CHANGING LIVES AND TRANSFORMING COMMUNITIES Phil Madsen owns Anytime Fitness in Port Orange, Florida. His goal is to change the culture of aging in his gym and his community and says "Growing Bolder, Defy the Cult of Youth" is helping make that happen. ”When I read the book it literally took my breath my away,” he says. "My staff did a study of the book and we held meetings to discuss it. We practiced and rehearsed the many good ideas so that we can better communicate with our members, and that's made a big, big difference. Our training program increased dramatically once we learned how to speak the language of Growing Bolder. The mindset that's communicated in the book is something that's beyond the gym. It goes to the very depths of our souls. Growing Bolder is a philosophy that works. It changes people's lives. We can all live a longer, healthier and happier life by embracing the Growing Bolder philosophy.” Anxious to share the message beyond the gym, Madsen has now started a community-wide Growing Bolder Book Club. “We see people making wonderful progress at the gym, but we don't have room for everybody in the county. The more people develop this Growing Bolder mindset, the more likely they're going to find their own way to make their own progress.”

Fight back against the ageist stereotypes from Hollywood and Madison Avenue. Growing Bolder inspires readers of all ages to believe that it's never too late to pursue your passions. Marc Middleton shares how to make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Growing Bolder: Defy the Cult of Youth, Live With Passion and Purpose AVA I L A B L E N OW O N A M A Z O N .C O M 36

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The Challenge of Aging in Place Why it takes a village

Excerpt from “Growing Bolder: Defy the Cult of Youth, Live With Passion and Purpose,” by Marc Middleton.

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” — Margaret J. Wheatley The older we get, the more important social interactions become to our overall health and wellbeing. Even with adequate finances, living alone without a social support circle seriously threatens healthy aging. In fact, low social interaction has the same effect on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Young people age 16-24 who are neither employed nor in school are classified as “disconnected youth” and deemed high-risk for depression, sickness, violence and suicide. The same is true for disconnected adults. But once we reach our 70s and 80s, social isolation is viewed more as an unfortunate but acceptable fact of life than as a dangerous and preventable situation. Today, more than 40% of women over age 65 live alone. Consequently, planning where and with whom to retire may be as important as planning for how much it will cost. A retirement home in the mountains may sound appealing. But living in a remote location may mean a life of isolation without an adequate network of friends and the ability to connect with them. The answer to the question, “Who will I have lunch with?” is a good indicator of the strength of your social network — not the social network of “friends” that you might have online, but friends whom you see face-toface on a regular basis. These relationships, and the ability to maintain them, are critical to a healthy and active lifestyle. Active-Adult Communities For companies in the rapidly growing active-adult or age-restricted community-development space, the task is clear and the need is immediate. These communities are no longer places to withdraw and cocoon. They should be viewed as “launch pads to what’s next.” The top active-adult communities appear to be in an all-out arms race to offer the best amenities — pools, gyms and even sports bars. While these perks are important, planners and developers should increase their focus on programs that help residents gain the

skills necessary to pursue and monetize their passions in the years and decades ahead. These programs should provide opportunities for meaningful and exceptional experience. Younger adults might be interested in collecting Depression glass or movie memorabilia, but older adults are interested in collecting experiences. Adults age 55 and older are among the most entrepreneurial of all. I’ve suggested to several activeadult communities that they create an on-campus business incubator in which experts from the community visit regularly to provide guidance on developing business strategies, writing business plans, raising capital, understanding trademark law and other topics. Other how-to programs might include monetizing the internet, writing and publishing an e-book, understanding social media, learning Photoshop, joining the gig economy, running a nonprofit from your apartment, promoting a blog and marketing on Facebook. Also intriguing would be, for example, an App of the Week Club or a VR/AR (Virtual Reality/ Augmented Reality) Club. The ideas and the opportunities to create meaningful programs that are true differentiators are everywhere. I feel the most important program of all is “The Art of Growing Bolder.” Every senior-living community in the world should be offering some kind of framework for changing belief systems, creating a culture of yes and enabling the pursuit of passion and purpose. Every community has the potential to be a great place to live. But a successful active-adult or seniorliving community can’t be isolated from the larger community around it. Seclusion and solitude represent a romanticized vision of retirement that isn’t conducive to health or happiness. Peaceful isolation is something we should pursue on occasion — but it’s a terrible prescription for longterm daily living. The best active-adult and seniorliving communities provide easy access to everything: groceries, entertainment, dining, intergenerational socialization, volunteer opportunities, public transportation, healthcare, banking services and more. It’s all about walkability and connectivity.

Seclusion and solitude represent a romanticized vision of retirement that isn’t conducive to health or happiness.

Growing Bolder: Defy the Cult of Youth, Live With Passion and Purpose AVA I L A B L E N OW O N A M A Z O N .C O M

Special Section: Book Excerpt 39

FROM DIAGNOSIS TO REMISSION

3D mammogram technology improves accuracy of annual screenings JAC K I E C A R L I N

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Retired school teacher Beth Brissette loves blues music. She just never expected her life to resemble one of her favorite songs. Over the past couple years, she’s endured surgeries and radiation to treat four brain tumors, significant mobility issues as a result of the tumors, a breast cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, a lumpectomy and even more radiation — this time for the cancer. Like any good blues song, Brisstte’s song may feature a lot of heartache; it also provides hope for the future. “If I’m not making plans, I don’t have much hope,” she said. “My day-today life is really difficult right now, but I know it’s so important to keep looking toward the future. These big goals keep me going.” Some of her big goals include regaining her mobility, attending live concerts with her strong network of friends and getting back on the water, a place that brings her the most joy. Another big goal is transitioning from cancer patient to cancer survivor. She was diagnosed earlier this year at her annual mammogram. She says she’s never missed a mammogram, and she’s so glad she kept this appointment, despite all the other health issues she was facing. “They spotted the cancer right away,” she said. “When I had my brain MRIs, no one would ever say anything about what they were seeing. During my mammogram, they said they wanted a more extensive view so they took me in for a sonogram, too. Before I even left the building, they had called me into an office and told me I had cancer. That was a big surprise!” It may have been a surprise to the 67-year-old Brissette, but her medical team knew exactly what to do. Within two weeks, she had a port for infusions and underwent her first chemotherapy treatment. Just a few months later, her breast is free of cancer and a lumpectomy was performed to remove a lymph node that still showed signs of cancer. “I’m so glad I did those mammograms every year. It turned out really beneficial for me,” she said. “Last year, the cancer wasn’t there and this year it was. I’m so grateful they caught it so early.” The research confirms her experience. Over the past 30 years, mammograms have saved between 384,000 and 614,500 lives, yet only half of women 40 and over get regular mammograms. “Mammograms are essential to screen for early breast cancer,” said Dr. Carlos Alemany, Brissette’s medical oncologist at AdventHealth Orlando. “The treatment for early stage breast cancer is much simpler compared to advanced cases, and the survival and cure rate are significantly higher. Talk to your medical professional to see what is the recommended screening schedule in your situation.” Brissette’s experience with the sonogram is also part of an increasingly popular and effective screening option for women — 3D mammograms. A 3D mammogram, or breast tomosynthesis (commonly just tomo), allows radiologists to scroll through multiple levels of breast tissue and determine if they’re seeing regular tissue or small tumors that can hide in the denser areas of the breast.

Over the past 30 years, mammograms have saved between 384,000 and 614,500 lives, yet only half of women 40 and over get regular mammograms.

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"I try to think positive. I really believe in positive thinking. Our thoughts are everything. They make us who we are and predict our future."

“Finding a tumor when it’s small is the goal of screening and it affords a person the best chances,” said AdventHealth Radiologist Leena Kamat, M.D. “Tomo gives you that ability to look through the tissue and be able to catch something that could have been obscured in a traditional 2D mammogram.” Brissette is ready to move past her health troubles of the past several years and get back into life. Her other future plans include returning to her passion for teaching by tutoring children in reading. She also plans to volunteer at local shelters and read to children. “Time passes, even the hard parts,” she said. “That way of thinking got me through the chemo knowing it would eventually be over. I try to think positive. I really believe in positive thinking. Our thoughts are everything. They make us who we are and predict our future. I’m looking forward to recovering so I can do the things I always dreamed about doing in retirement. I already enjoy life, and I know it’s just going to keep getting better!”

One of the largest oncology programs in Florida, the AdventHealth Cancer Institute provides a comprehensive continuum of care with services ranging from disease prevention to state-of-the-art detection, treatment and research — accompanied by educational psychological and spiritual support. The institute is accredited as an Academic Comprehensive Cancer Program by the American College of Surgeons Commission on Cancer and has received Quality Oncology Practice Initiative (QOPI®) certification for medical oncology practices for quality care and outcomes. The AdventHealth Cancer Institute takes part in more than 175 clinical trials every year, giving patients access to one of the most active cancer clinical trial sites in Florida. To learn more, visit AdventHealthCancerInstitute.com.

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TOP MAMMOGRAM MYTHS MYTH: A MAMMOGRAM TAKES TOO LONG. I HAVE NO TIME. FACT: Exams usually take less time with digital mammography. Patients typically complete a screening-mammogram appointment in less than 30 minutes. Many of our locations offer weekend, lunchtime and evening appointments as well as same-day availability. MYTH: MAMMOGRAMS COST TOO MUCH. FACT: Most insurance companies cover the full cost of a screening mammogram as it may be considered preventative care. Also, low-cost or fully funded mammograms are offered through national programs, community organizations and the AdventHealth Breast Cancer Care Fund. MYTH: MAMMOGRAMS ARE PAINFUL. FACT: Mammograms may be uncomfortable, but should not be painful. You’ll experience less discomfort than in the past due to the new compression paddle design that flexes with your body, providing pressure only where needed. Compression is important, because: • It spreads the breast tissue more evenly for better visualization of the anatomy and potential abnormalities. • It lowers radiation dose, since a thinner amount of breast tissue is imaged. • It immobilizes the breast to prevent blurring of the images caused by motion. Tips for a more comfortable mammogram: • Schedule your mammogram 10 to 14 days after the start of your menstrual cycle; the breasts are usually less tender. • Avoid caffeine a week before your mammogram; it can make the breasts tender. • If you experience pain, inform the technologist. Some simple repositioning may help. Our friendly staff members are sensitive to your needs and want to make your experience as comfortable as possible. MYTH: IF I FEEL A LUMP, IT MUST BE CANCEROUS. FACT: Eight out of 10 breast lumps are not cancerous. However, see a physician immediately if you discover a lump or change in your breasts. Computer-aided detection (CAD) helps our specially trained radiologists to be certain of their findings, make recommendations for further studies and talk with referring physicians. If cancer is detected, our breast care clinicians will provide you with a continual source of support throughout the entire process. MYTH: THE RADIATION FROM A MAMMOGRAM CAN CAUSE CANCER. FACT: Mammograms are very safe. Digital mammography uses the lowest radiation dose required to produce clear and precise exam images. MYTH: MAMMOGRAMS ARE FOR OLDER WOMEN ONLY. FACT: Screening mammograms are recommended at least every two years, starting between the ages of 40 and 50. However, if you have a family history of cancer, any new breast problem or other high-risk factors, it may be recommended to start screening at an earlier age. Consult with your physician to determine when and how often you should have a screening mammogram.

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Blake Blakely Photography, BeTheMatch.org

GB Book Reviews “Educated” by Tara Westover

Tara Westover is the youngest of seven children raised by survivalists in rural Idaho. Isolated from mainstream society, her family eschewed modern medicine and homeschooled haphazardly. Westover taught herself math and grammar as a teen, gaining acceptance to Brigham Young University, then Harvard and Cambridge. “Educated” follows Westover’s journey to unlearn her upbringing and learn to see the world from her own perspective.

“Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World” by David Epstein

In an increasingly automated world, critical thinking and creative problem solving are more valuable than specialized, siloed knowledge. The ability to develop strategic insights by crossing domains is often the result of a nonlinear career with jobs in multiple industries. The generalist’s path to longterm success may actually be the least efficient one, full of exploration and reinvention.

“A Fire Sparkling” by Julianne MacLean

A multigenerational story of one woman’s search to understand her present by investigating her family’s past. In her old family home, Gillian Gibbons finds a photograph of her grandmother embracing a Nazi soldier. The discovery leads to an epic journey through World War II England and her grandmother Vivian’s struggle to survive and protect the ones she loves

“The Body: A Guide for Occupants” by Bill Bryson

The award-winning author of “A Short History of Nearly Everything” makes learning about the human body entertaining, approachable and awe-inspiring. Gain an appreciation for the body you inhabit but probably take for granted. Funny stories and biological facts cover everything from your body’s ability to heal itself to your neurological makeup.

“Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist and Our Lives Revealed” by Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who finds herself in need of a therapist after a personal loss. Gottlieb is a “New York Times” bestselling author, psychotherapist and national advice columnist. She shares her hilarious and insightful perspective on the human condition and personal growth through her own story as well as the stories of four of her patients.

I N E V E RY I S S U E : B O O K R E V I E W S

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HOW DO YOU DEFINE 'DEFY? ' Finding strength in defiance W E N DY C H I OJ I

I have been defiant since I was a kid, much to my parents’ chagrin. Back then, “defy” meant pushing boundaries hard, to see how much more of an experience you can get. That got me grounded a few times and caused at least a couple of visits to the dean’s office with my mom. But I was learning what happens when you push subjective limits. That is my 57-year-old excuse for my 17-year-old self. As a young adult, “defy” started to mean proving naysayers wrong. In college, I was cut by pretty much every sorority in the first round of rush. I’m not sure what kind of vibe I was sending. I sulked for a while, but then my rush counselor told me that Pi Beta Phi, which had been one of my top houses, had a girl drop out of the pledge class. I cold-called the rush chairman at Pi Phi, and for whatever reason, she invited me to lunch. Then she invited me again. Long story short, I was asked to be part of the sorority, where I knew no one, and it was the greatest college experience I had. Defy the oversight (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). As a cub TV reporter, a consultant once told me that there were other jobs in TV that weren’t on-air, and maybe I should investigate. I was floored. For a minute. Then, I took the more helpful tips she gave me and worked on getting better. End result: I had a 25-year television career, the vast majority of which was in the main anchor chair. You don’t have to wear what others throw at you. Defy! 48

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As a metastatic Thymic cancer patient, the only true options I have are clinical trials. The first time there was no trial for me to enter, my doctor told me about one that only helped 10 percent of the participants. It failed for 90 percent. We figured someone is in that 10 percent, why not me? I was in that trial for 2 1/2 years, the longest I’ve been in any trial. We defied the odds and bought some time. I was wearing my awesome Defy shirt once, and a guy asked me, “Defy what?” That made me think. As an adult, what is defy to me? It is standing up for myself. Being my own advocate. Believing and proving that I am not the average, I have to be the exception. The average lifespan for someone with my cancer is 18 months. I’ve made it 5 1/2 years and I’m still traveling and working as a freelance producer and doing yoga, Pilates and boxing. I’m realistic. I can’t do what I did, but my goal is to continue to defy the odds and make the rest of my life the best of my life. #defy

Wendy Chioji is an award-winning broadcast journalist, world traveler, adventure racer, mountain guide and Ironman triathlete. A three-time cancer survivor, Chioji is host of the Emmy© Award-nominated program, “Surviving & Thriving,” and a contributor to Growing Bolder’s national TV show. A passionate fundraiser and philanthropist, Chioji is a tireless advocate for cancer survivors worldwide.

DEFY

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images for Harrah's

The Red Hat Society and the Power of Fun and Friendship MARC MIDDLETON

In 1998, Sue Ellen Cooper gave a friend a red hat and a copy of the Jenny Joseph poem “Warning” that begins, When I am an old woman I shall wear purple. With a red hat, which doesn't go and doesn't suit me. The gift was meant to encourage her friend to age in her own way without apology. “It was such a hit with all of our friends that I kept giving that gift,” Cooper recalls, “and then it just happened.” What happened is the Red Hat Society, a selfdescribed “playgroup for women created to connect likeminded women, make new friends and enrich lives through the power of fun and friendship.” Today, the Red Hat Society has chapters all over the world whose members dress up and get together on a regular basis to eat lunch and socialize. It’s a mission that might seem frivolous to some; but to doctors, researchers, health care and insurance companies, regular socialization is considered one of the most important prescriptions to healthy and active aging – as important as diet and exercise. “We’re all about living, celebrating and giving women permission to play,” said President and CEO Debra Granich. “It’s the power of fun, and it’s contagious.” Cooper, also known as the Exalted Queen Mother, is amazed and proud that her single, simple gift, intended to evoke a laugh 20 years ago, has evolved into a

worldwide organization providing something that’s now considered fundamental to healthy aging. “I honestly thought that this would last a few years and then die down,” she said. “But it’s far more important than even I imagined. We’re not only improving the quality of life of our members, we’re improving their overall health and showing younger women that growing older can be something to look forward to.”

“We’re all about living, celebrating and giving women permission to play,” said President and CEO Debra Granich. “It’s the power of fun, and it’s contagious.” Fun and friendship have proven to be powerful medicine, and the Red Hat Society has been writing prescriptions and cultivating connections for more than 20 years. Learn more at RedHatSociety.com Editors Note: The 2019 Red Hat Society International Convention was held recently in Nashville, Tennessee, and Growing Bolder CEO Marc Middleton was the keynote speaker.

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GRATITUDE FOR LIFELONG Why we are wired to connect D R . R O G E R L A N D RY, M . D . , M . P. H

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

I’m a lucky guy. I spent yesterday with 14 of my boyhood friends. That’s right, boyhood — kindergarten, puberty, drivers license, high school — all the rites of passage and collective shared memories of coming of age, we shared. These now old men knew me before I was a husband, a father, a doctor, a colonel and author, all the things that have defined me since, and in the end, do not. And although over the four decades after high school we rarely came together, we marked in some way life’s highs and lows together: military service, marriage, sickness, injury. But for more than 14 years now, we have put aside the demands of our lives to deliberately be together at least a couple times a year to, in some small way, recognize the slings and arrows of aging: retirement, stroke, cancer, a new view of ourselves in the circle of life. The bonds of this durable male tribe were locked in so early that it matters not what we did with our lives, what schools we went to, whom we married, what professions we followed. Our connections have roots impregnable to the messy human pettiness that seems to be universal. We are Stevie, Moe, Davey, Richie, a band of brothers, whose bond has survived distance and time.

What’s Going On?

Our ancestors banded together for survival. I think in many ways we still do it for the same reason. Perhaps not literal survival; but in an age of anonymity, our sense of self and meaning is at risk. Writerdirector Masayuki Suo, in the movie, “Shall We Dance,” gives us, I believe, remarkable insight into why we seek out relationships: to bear witness to our lives. These guys knew me when...

It’s Not Just About Company

Research into social connection is clear: If you’re connected to others in a meaningful way, (more than the current definition of being “connected” and being “friends”), you will be from two to five times less likely to suffer from heart disease, cancer or dementia. The health risk of being isolated from others is equivalent to smoking a pack a day for your life. So, being connected is not only fun, it makes life more meaningful and makes us healthy. As a physician, I have been privileged to be with people in their last moments of life. It’s clear to me that what matters in the end is relationships: whether you were loved and loved, whether you made a difference in someone’s life, whether you opened yourself to others and whether others opened themselves to you. We are creatures who, at our core, define ourselves by how we connect with others. All else falls by the wayside when we look at our lives in review. In the excellent movie “Bucket List,” Morgan Freeman tells Jack Nicholson the two questions asked, according to ancient Egyptian legend, before being allowed to enter heaven: “Have you found joy in your life?” and “Have you brought joy to others?” Have you?

So, What’s My Message? Treasure, cultivate and welcome relationships. Yes, humans are messy. Relationships have ups and downs. But like a roller coaster, that’s what makes the journey worthwhile. Here are a few tips for the ride: DON’ T LET THE SMALL S T U F F D I V E R T YO U F R O M W H AT M AT T E R S .

Like fish in a pond, we are attracted to the shiny lures of accomplishment, accumulation or mindless movement. Remember the shiny stuff is no longer shiny when the light changes, as it always will. People first.

H O L D O N TO I M P O R TA N T CONNEC TIONS .

Certain people have played a major role in your life. As we move through our journey, we tend to lose contact with many of these notables. It’s the digital age. You can find them again. Meet with them. Tell them what they meant to you. You’ll be surprised how you, and they, react to that.

T R E A S U R E YO U R “ V E LV E T E E N R A B B I T S .”

New is exciting and attractive. OK, I get that. Yes, keep growing; but don’t discard those who were with you before you were cool and important. Those are the ones who’ll be there when you fall on your face, and you will. B E T H E P E R S O N YO U WA N T OT H E R S TO B E FO R YO U . L I V E LO N G . L I V E W E L L .

DEFY

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#activeagingweek

October 1- October 7, 2019

Engage in all aspects of life. The theme of this year’s Active Aging Week is

Presenting sponsor

“Redefining Active” because active aging is about so much more than just exercise. It’s about broader engagement—physically, socially, cognitively, spiritually, professionally and civically. Active aging is about

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engaging with family, friends and/or community, learning and trying new things, volunteering, mentoring, pursuing further professional development or entrepreneurial endeavors, travelling, maintaining an active spiritual/ religious life, and leading a healthy lifestyle with good nutrition, exercise, mindfulness and other forms of stress-management. Simply put, active aging is about staying positively engaged in all aspects of life—which ultimately benefits you and the broader society. To find an Active Aging Week “Host Site” visit www.activeagingweek.com 52

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603-1112 West Pender Street, Vancouver, BC, V6E 2S1 Toll-free: 866-335-9777 Tel: 604-734-4466 www.icaa.cc

ACTIVE AGING FOR ALL Redefining ‘active’ to be more inclusive COLIN MILNER

When you hear the word active, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? If you think of someone walking, running, jumping, cycling, swimming or playing sports, you define that word probably like most of us. At the International Council on Active Aging (ICAA), a global association of professionals that support health and wellness for older adults, we think it’s time to redefine active. Here’s why. ICAA is determined to help change society's perceptions of aging and to improve the quality of life for older adults. “Active aging,” we believe, is about more than just exercise; it’s about broader engagement — physically, socially, cognitively, spiritually, professionally and civically. Active aging includes such things as engaging with family, friends and community; learning and trying new things; volunteering; advancing professional development; mentoring; pursuing entrepreneurial endeavors; traveling; maintaining an active spiritual or religious life and leading a healthy lifestyle with good nutrition, exercise, mindfulness and other forms of stress management. Simply put, active aging is about staying positively engaged in all aspects of life, which ultimately benefits both you and the broader society. To raise awareness, ICAA chose the theme “Redefining Active” for this year’s Active Aging Week, Oct. 1-7, presented by Humana.

DEFY

Started by ICAA in 2003 as a grassroots initiative to celebrate, promote and support healthy aging in communities at the local level, Active Aging Week has grown into a global movement. The weeklong campaign provides valuable opportunities for people of all ages to engage in all areas of life, with activities ranging from organized walks and health fairs to balloon rides and barbecues. Activities often address the different dimensions of wellbeing. Programs are low-to-no cost for participants. In 2019, thousands of host sites across North America and beyond will celebrate Active Aging Week. Included among these sites are 24-Hour Fitness clubs, Humana neighborhood centers, Holiday Retirement communities, Maryland’s Montgomery County seniors centers and many YMCAs in Florida and in San Diego, California, to name a few. At ICAA, we encourage people of all ages to participate in Active Aging Week by visiting the campaign’s website, activeagingweek.com, to find host sites. Or you can check with local organizations to find out what is planned locally. Led by ICAA, Active Aging Week is presented by Humana and sponsored at the national level by Abbott Nutrition, EnerG by Aegis Therapies, Domtar and the Centre for Aging + Brain Health Innovation.

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FROM LAST WORDS TO NEW BEGINNINGS

Coping with the loss of a loved one is never easy, and its effect can be both unpredictable and profound. Yet, it is important to understand, because dealing with loss is a challenge most of us will face. Ultimately, death is a fact of life. Whether it’s a spouse, family member or close friend, death forces reflection. Its impact can be long-lasting and life-changing. It’s something Carolyn Moor never expected to experience, at least not for decades. She was only in her 30s with two young daughters to raise. It was one of the best Valentine’s Days ever, until it became the worst. Moor and her husband, Chad, were driving home after a romantic walk and candlelight dinner when a hit-and-run driver slammed into their car, instantly ejecting Chad from the vehicle. He never regained consciousness. As he lay dying in the hospital, Carolyn took his hand and whispered three promises into his ear: to be the best mother possible to their girls, to always honor the family name and to one day find happiness again.

PROMISES BILL SHAFER

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“That third wish,” she remembers, “would be the most difficult of all.” The unthinkable became reality. “In an instant, the love of my life was gone, literally ripped from my arms,” she said. Very few are prepared for the reality. “I remember feeling so alone,” she said. “Sobbing in desperation, feeling forgotten, invisible, totally lost. It was a crushing loneliness like I’ve never known before. My friends tried to reach out, but didn’t know what to say; and honestly, I didn’t know what I needed to hear, and I ended up pushing them away” Days became months, which became years; and as hard as she tried, Moor was still trapped in her trauma, unable to move forward. The only thing that kept her alive were those three wishes she made to her dying husband. It became clear to her that she would need two things if she had any hope of rebuilding her life: a purpose and a way to help other widows. “I had to find a way to become better and not just be bitter,” she said. Every year, a million women become widows. Like Moor, many isolate themselves to deal with the grief, something she now believes actually prolonged her suffering. “What I really needed was access to other women who had been through this — role models who could prove to me that there is a pathway forward,” she said. Moor couldn’t understand why they were so difficult to find, until it hit her that maybe this could be her purpose and her way to make a difference. She started the Modern Widows Club as a way to redefine widowhood. “We empower widows to lean into life, build resilience and make a difference,” she said. “The modern widow is not stopped by grief, but propelled by it. Losing a spouse does not mean losing your zest for life. It emboldens us to inspire others facing the same struggles to thrive once again.”

Death forces you to reassess your life, which creates the opportunity for great change. HEAL

Since 2011, the Modern Widows Club has helped over 30,000 women, all by word of mouth. Moor believes the reason for their success comes down to this: It matters with whom you socialize. She says the Modern Widows Club helps widows convert the negative stress of grief into the positive stress of reimagining life. “The change is nothing less than transformational,” Moor said. “We are women, mothers, grandmothers, daughters, granddaughters, aunts, sisters, neighbors, friends and families who come together to empower one another. We’ve become more than a community, we’ve become a movement.” She explained, “Everyone in the Modern Widows Club has been impacted by death. Death forces you to reassess your life, which creates the opportunity for great change.” “When you invest in one person's life they never forget,” she said. “And that’s a great feeling.” Moor took a traumatic experience and found her way forward by making a difference in the lives of others. It gave her the strength to reimagine her future; and ultimately, it allowed her to fulfill those three wishes made to her husband. She has been a great mother to two girls, who have become amazing young women. She did bring great honor to the family name. And thanks to finding her purpose with the Modern Widows Club, she is now truly happy again. G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 8

Mid-to-late career professionals give back D O R I S B L O O D S WO R T H

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Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

ALUMNI DONATIONS SHAPE COLLEGE FOOTBALL

At the University of Oregon football locker room, there’s a special locker for a player who never ages out. The name on the locker is “Uncle Phil,” as in Phil Knight, 81, co-founder of Nike who has reportedly contributed more than $700 million to the university, much of it to the athletic department. Among the billionaire’s contributions to his alma mater: $30 million toward renovating the football stadium and $41.7 million for an athletic tutoring center. As college football celebrates its 150th anniversary, that kind of financial support can arguably help raise a college football program into a powerhouse, in what many are calling an “arms race.” According to “Forbes” magazine, college football is now a $6-billion industry. Like Knight, many donors and game attendees are older alumni of the university. In 2018, alumni donated a reported $12.2 billion to their alma maters. According to “Inside Philanthropy,” the alumni making big athletics donations graduated from college around 1965. Most alumni donors are not famous billionaires like Knight, but rather mid-to-late career professionals. And younger grads? “Very few fresh grads are giving money to their alma mater’s athletic programs,” the research stated. “There is flagging interest in sports, particularly football, among millennials.” In the Southeast Conference, which includes many of the top-ranked college football teams, Louisiana State University upped the ante this summer when it unveiled its $28-million, privately-funded locker room, complete with sleeping pods for each player, overhead lockers with charging stations for the concussion sensors on helmets and a team lounge with a movie theater and arcade games. Critics may question such lavish conditions, but

summer by Clemson Coach Dabo Swinney, 49, who signed a 10-year, $92-million contract to coach the Tigers through 2028. What drives this kind of spending? While there’s no scientific explanation, sports analysts point to two factors: a special passion and connection that college football evokes and a return on investment. Certainly, few things bring out the fever-pitch loyalty of college football, a sport that is filled with drama, color, entertainment, tailgate parties and traditions — some of which are baffling to outsiders, such as Stanford University’s mascot, a tree named Cardinal, or Clemson players touching a rock that was once a former coach’s doorstop. Ohio State Buckeye Booster President Butch Moore tells newcomers, “We have literally been tailgating in the exact same spot, with the exact same families, for more than 25 years.” Loyalty is often generational. Monty Davis, former chief operating officer of Core Laboratories, and a leading donor to the Texas A&M football program, was asked why the university was special to him. “I met my wife, Becky, here; and we married shortly after graduating from A&M. Both of our daughters attended A&M as did my brother, who also married an Aggie and has two sons that went to A&M. We are maroon through and through.” Rivalries are fierce and help fuel the urgency to donate. They include longstanding battles, such as the 120-year Michigan-Ohio State annual grudge match, and newer rivalries in lower divisions, such as the “War on I-4” match-up between rising star UCF in Orlando and USF in Tampa.

In 2018, alumni donated a reported $12.2 billion to their alma maters. According to “Inside Philanthropy,” the alumni making big athletics donations graduated from college around 1965. Most alumni donors are not famous billionaires like Knight, but rather mid-to-late career professionals. coaches say it’s an efficient way to maximize time with the team and to promote camaraderie. Facilities are not the only financial demands college football programs face. In 41 states, the highest-paid public employee is not a professor, physician or elected official. It’s a college football or basketball coach. Alabama football Coach Nick Saban, 67, was the highest-paid coach, scheduled to make $8.7 million coming into this football season. That was topped this

FINANCE

University officials say college sports are an important part of the college experience, providing students social connections with other students and alumni. The camaraderie builds friendships and even career connections. As alumni advance in their careers and enter peak earning years, the social aspect of supporting their alma mater’s football program is an ongoing reminder to also provide financial support to the teams they love.

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Now Open: Health, Fitness & Wellbeing Made for You

Join the Peggy & Philip B. Crosby Wellness Center today. The all-new Wellness Center is located within the Center for Health & Wellbeing. Experience everything you need for whole-person health in one place: fitness facility, lab services, healthy cafĂŠ, childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wellness center, massage therapy, educational programming, personal training, physicians offices and more. For more information, and to join Crosby Wellness Center, call (407) 644-3606 or visit crosbywellnesscenter.org.

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Strength in Numbers Why finding a workout buddy is beneficial to your health JAC K I E C A R L I N

M OV E

It’s 6:30 a.m. on a Wednesday morning. The sun is not yet up, but the day is already well underway for longtime friends Rick Baldwin and Jim Barnes. Baldwin walked 20 minutes from his nearby home to meet Barnes at the Crosby Wellness Center, where Barnes has already put in some time on the treadmill. Now it’s time for the real fun to begin. “Good morning!” says their trainer David Boyer. “You two ready to work today?” Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Boyer leads Baldwin, 73, and Barnes, 78, through a circuit workout. Using a variety of machines and exercises, Boyer teaches them the proper ways to strengthen their bodies, from head to toe. “David teaches you to work things the way they’re supposed to be worked,” Baldwin said. “Without him, my posture would be bad, my form would be bad and I likely would have injured myself. There’s a real science to it.” There’s also a real science to the benefits of a workout buddy. “The research is clear: when you make yourself accountable to someone other than yourself, you’re more likely to stick with a program, work harder and see better results,” said Mary Cox, Ph.D., center director at the Peggy & Philip B. Crosby Wellness Center at the Center for Health & Wellbeing. “We see it occur all the time with our members. I can’t overstate how beneficial it is to your overall health to find a workout buddy.”

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Both Baldwin and Barnes agree their arrangement keeps them on track. About 10 years ago, Barnes lost 60 pounds, and his regular workouts with Baldwin helps him maintain his past successes. “Working out with someone guarantees you’ll be here because you don’t want to embarrass yourself to your friend,” Barnes said with a laugh. “Plus, we push each other to work out pretty hard, so getting that little break while he’s doing his reps is an added bonus.” Baldwin says knowing his friend is waiting for him at the gym keeps him from hitting the snooze button. “It’d be a lot easier for me to sleep in if Jim wasn’t here waiting for me! Making exercise plans with a friend really adds to your discipline. You’re sure to be here,” he said. “You also tend to finish up, even when it hurts. I think I work harder when he’s here with me.” Over the course of their 30-year friendship, they’ve taken their workouts to different gyms in their

community, as well on the road. Both avid travelers, they even stuck to their daily workouts while cruising around the world. Both men are also still active in their careers — Baldwin is a cremation director and Barnes is a banker — and they say their commitment to fitness makes them better business leaders. “Exercise is good for your body. We all know that. It’s also good for your mind. It’s a time where you contemplate where you’re going and how you’re treating yourself, as well as others. It’s a time to think and reflect a little bit, and after my morning workout, I’m ready to take on the day,” Baldwin said. Ready to set up a gym date with your friends? The Crosby Wellness Center trainers say the following exercises are great options to get started. Partner up and make a commitment to helping your favorite friends — and yourself — on the road to wellness.

There's no better way to motivate yourself to start and stick with an exercise plan than by doing it with a friend. The following exercises are designed to strengthen your body and your friendship. Together, you'll tighten your core, improve range of motion and increase overall strength in a fun and healthy way.

Medicine Ball Roll & Toss Stand with feet hip-width apart, knees slightly bent and hold the medicine ball with two hands in front of your chest. Sit back in squat position, keeping chest lifted and lower ball to roll across the floor. The partner stands up with an explosive movement while tossing ball up over head to return.

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Perform each exercise for 12-15 reps or for 1-2 minutes, 3 times per week.

Partner Row & Squat Facing your partner, hold on to the handles at the end of the band about chest height. Your partner will hold on to the middle of the band with both hands. As your partner sits back into a squat position, pull your elbows in and shoulders down to complete the row.

Medicine Ball Pass Stand back-to-back with your partner. Hold the ball at chest level. Turning from the torso, pass the ball to your partner, repeat on the other side with partner passing it back to you.

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SHARING Exploring connection through the arts L AU R A S AV I N I

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I am a purveyor of beauty. I cannot paint or dance, and I definitely cannot sing. What I do is share the beauty that is shared with me.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Beauty, art in any form, matters. It matters to our mental and physical health. Study after study suggests that art and creativity can improve our mental and physical wellbeing. But what I am referring to isn’t about science. This is about the pure joy and emotion that art passes on to person after person, endlessly impacting each individual that experiences a song, painting, poem, feat of nature or piece of architecture or sculpture. There are seminal moments where I learned the power of art. The first time was at age 23. I was part of a massive crowd around Michelangelo’s “Pieta.” Even from the disadvantaged vantage point of my tippy toes, I was brought to tears by this masterpiece. My father caught my eye in the crowd; I could see he was crying, too. This 500-year old sculpture continues to evoke emotion. I was with the “Pieta” for only five minutes; but today, the “Pieta” is still with me. Another moment was at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City. I was consumed with following the Met titles, to see the translation of Verdi’s words. My date covered the titles and said, “No! Feel it! Feel the opera!” Within moments, the way I experienced art changed forever. Many of us consume only familiar art, music and beauty. But as Banksy, the anonymous English street artist proclaimed, “Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” And that leads me to my third monumental art moment: Damien Hirst. I didn’t like his work. It was controversial, often coarse. But I wished to see the world with a wider lens, so I went to see Hirst at The Tate in London. The Tate is the United Kingdom’s national collection of British art as well as international modern and contemporary art. Hirst is famous for art made out of cigarette butts, pills and dead animals. I do not care for any of those things. As I walked between the tanks that comprise “Mother and Child (Divided),” a cow and calf each split in half and floating in formaldehyde, I actually had vomit in my throat. I had to lean against the wall of the gallery to catch my breath. But you know what? His art made me feel something. I have grown to appreciate his work. Take a look at “Lullaby, the Seasons,” if you are not familiar. While these moments were happening in my personal life, I was living out my mission of sharing beauty in my professional life, live on the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS). I saw the impact of public television firsthand — from the woman in the produce aisle who wanted to talk about Bob Ross, to the young Latino teacher in the subway who thanked me for Sister Wendy and other art programs, to the landscaper truck blasting Yanni music as I bicycled passed. One rewarding moment was an Andrea Bocelli concert I attended in 1998 at the Nassau Memorial Coliseum in Long Island. It was early in Bocelli’s career, and it was obvious our station played a huge role in filling that venue. We aired his special countless times. Throughout the live concert, the audience was stomping their feet, pounding the floor with work boot-clad feet. They were hollering and whistling like it was a rock concert. This was opera, mostly. And he was singing in Italian, mostly. This audience, 50 miles away from the crowd at The Met, knew that they were experiencing joy and the power of art. And this scene was being repeated around the country. Public television shares beauty. It doesn’t matter where you live or how much money you make, you have access, and I get to be a part of that. You can share beauty in your own way. Post a poem on Facebook. Share a photo of a bird in the park or an intriguing shop window on Instagram. Even with one “like” you have made an impact. Bring a friend to see an art exhibit or concert. Or better yet, listen to a friend’s playlist or go to the museum they choose. Push yourself. Discover beauty. Share beauty. See it everywhere. Laura Savini is a public-television host and producer of “The Kate” public-television music series. She works closely with her husband, songwriter Jimmy Webb, to share his music, words and stories with the world. She recently joined the Growing Bolder team as a host during their August TV special.

C R E AT E

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ADVENTURE WOMEN Shared experiences strengthen friendships LESLIE KEMP POOLE

Photos by Becky Bryan Dreisbach

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It all began with a search for adventure. Mary Lou, my comrade in outdoor exploits, agreed that we should find a new place to explore and perhaps take along a group of like-minded women. While she looked for venues, I sent out an email blast to an assortment of friends and acquaintances. Within three days we had our trip planned: a house for a week in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and a crew of women from different walks of life (all over the age of 50), who had the same desire for fun and new experiences. From that experience, our Adventure Women group was born. In the eight years since, we have hiked rocky trails, paddled blackwater rivers, biked coastal islands and zip-lined down a mountain. As importantly, we have laughed, cried, prayed and celebrated together, sealing relationships that likely will last the rest of our lives.

Sparked by an idea, this group of seven women, most of whom didn’t know each other, has forged a bond of shared interests and experiences that has included everything from planning for the weddings of our children to photos of grandbabies to grief-filled funerals. Such are the joys and travails of life, but mine is the richer for these women. Not that it started so easily. Mary Lou, the travel and food writer extraordinaire, did due diligence before the New Hampshire trek and found the perfect house rental — multi-storied with views of Mount Washington and central to many activities. Our first morning together we packed lunches, laced our hiking boots and headed out in our two cars for a forested trail promoted as a great “beginner hike.” Which may be true if you live in New England, but we flatlanders from Florida were huffing and puffing immediately. Thirty minutes, and several rest breaks later, it was clear that Becky’s quads and lungs weren’t going to make it. So, she and I sent the rest of the group up the shady path while we headed back to the car, eventually walking to a stunning waterfall, dining at a local café and enjoying the deck of a beautiful resort near our house. We even stopped to take photos of ourselves at the marker for the Appalachian Trail, in case we wanted to tell tall tales later. But as the afternoon drew to a close, we began to worry. The women on that short, easy hike still weren’t back and weren’t answering their cell phones. And they had the key to the house. As the sun dipped toward the horizon, the exhausted group finally arrived, describing a spectacular view reached only through a not-beginner hike that greatly taxed the best. That night we clicked our glasses and cheered our good fortune — Ginny’s birthday, successful hikes and our newly forged philosophy: Do what you can and what you want, but have fun no matter what. That philosophy has served us well during subsequent trips, especially as some of our knees begin to creak more frequently and work and family duties ooze into our trips. On that first expedition, Jane was worried about a kayak river run, concerned that she had never done any paddling beforehand and might get in trouble. By the end of the day, she was an expert; and the next year, she hosted us at her South Carolina retreat where she led us paddling in a bay where we were entertained by frolicking dolphins.

T R AV E L

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We have employed our specific talents to enhance all the trips. ɁɁ Ginny’s many visits to Virginia paid off when we were able to stay on the campus of the University of Virginia and hike her favorite path in beautiful Shenandoah National Park. ɁɁ Becky took us to her family’s wooden beach home on St. George Island in October, a time when few tourists visit, and we had the sunrises to ourselves. ɁɁ Jody has kept us going with her positive attitude; and, as the Mary Poppins of the group, she always has an overstuffed suitcase with just about anything you can imagine, from energy mixes to bandages to antibiotics — and sometimes, well, usually, bourbon. ɁɁ Patti is always game for anything (she killed us all at pickleball), and her infectious laugh has echoed through many an evening. But I can’t tell you what prompted it — what happens on Adventure Women weekends stays there — but I can assure you it probably is tamer than when we were in our twenties.

Still, we have a lot of fun even with an earlier bedtime… Our annual travels, usually extended weekends, have taken us to some spectacular places on the eastern seaboard. We’ve seen whales (and not seen moose despite intense efforts) in Cape Breton National Park in Nova Scotia. That was a trip plagued by airline problems. But everyone pulled out their cell phones and airline connections; and we forged ahead, rewarded by incredible hikes and views. We observed wild horses and collected shells on the beach at Cumberland Island. A guide from our island inn took us on an early morning nature walk to see animal tracks, which included signs of a large alligator that had recently crossed the road. We climbed a unique Florida trail (unusual because it has a large elevation change) to a bluff overlooking the Apalachicola River, and then we drove back through a forest, where we saw towering longleaf pines, dwarf cypresses and a bridge covered in butterflies. We’ve encountered sweltering heat, steady rain, and snow but have never passed up an opportunity to see something new. In addition to a desire to encounter natural beauty, over the years we have developed certain trip expectations. There will be comfortable beds. There will be wine. There will be great restaurants, excellent home cooking and plenty of snacks and leftover food. We will have “porch talks” with laughter as the evening fades. Becky will take hundreds of photos of everything from bees to waterfalls to weird road signs — even a fox that came out to enjoy the New Hampshire weather and roll on the lawn. And there will always be the group shot that reminds us of how fortunate we are to have common interests that have resulted in bold adventures and strong friendships. Now, time to plan the next trip… 68

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And there will always be the group shot that reminds us of how fortunate we are to have common interests that have resulted in bold adventures and strong friendships.

LET THE WORLD KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT JUST GROWING OLDER, YOU’RE GROWING BOLDER!

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RISE

THE OF ENCORE CAREERS Retirees Dominate the “Gig Economy” JUDITH MOSTO

As a career counselor and life coach, with a Fortune 500 company and now in private practice, I am intimately aware of how important a career is, not only for income but to a person’s identity and self-worth. So, while some retirees relish the opportunity to pursue recreation or travel that may have been delayed, others often want to continue working. That’s especially true when people find their careers unexpectedly cut short. Older employees are especially vulnerable, because they often are among the highest-paid employees, which can make them a target for cost-cutting. Then there are people who retire and find they miss being part of the active workforce. There are a lot of reasons, including the necessity for income, boredom, curiosity to learn new skills and extroverts who miss meeting new people and connecting with others with similar work interests. There is good news for people seeking encore careers. Technology, which is often cast as the villain in displacing workers, is also creating new opportunities in what many call the “gig economy,” referring to freelancers and independent contractors. Here are some of the most frequently-asked questions from people who are pursuing a rewarding second act. Q . H OW D O I B E G I N ?

Many people find it helpful to start with an outline that can serve as a roadmap. Write down where you have been, where you are now and where you want to go. Plan your next steps. Implement your plan and then evaluate as you move forward. A.

Q . W H AT A B O U T F I N A N C E S ?

Assess your situation, because that will impact your decision. Do you need income immediately? If so, then finding a position with healthcare insurance may be a priority. A.

L AU N C H PA D TO W H AT ' S N E X T F E AT U R E

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Q . W H AT O P T I O N S A R E AVA I L A B L E FO R P E O P L E S E E K I N G N E W C A R E E R S I N T H E I R L AT E R Y E A R S ?

Here are just a few possibilities: Independent consultant. If you’ve dreamed of being your own boss, consider becoming an independent consultant. Don’t rule out the possibility that your former company may want to hire you. Teaching. Some people become adjuncts or teachers. Some go back to school to learn new skills. Avocation to vocation. Many people find encore careers provide a chance to pursue hidden talents or interests. What might have been a hobby could become a new career. Gig employment. By 2027, half of the American workforce is expected to be employed in the gig economy, due to more opportunities and many people’s desire to have more flexibility over their time. (See “The Gig Is Up”.) Entrepreneur. Market a skill online. Joining your local chamber of commerce can give you credibility and connections. New workplaces. There is a growing number of workplaces that provide tools and space who are looking for workers to provide the elbow grease, knowledge or transportation. Q . W H AT K I N D O F R E S O U R C E S A R E AVA I L A B L E ?

There are tons of resources! Just a few examples: unemployment or workforce agencies, Google and YouTube, professional organizations for your industry, temp agencies, libraries, life coaches and nonprofits, such as Goodwill. One of the most popular guides is “What Color Is Your Parachute? 2019: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers.” The first edition was published years ago, but it is updated annually. Another book I recommend for gaining a fresh perspective is “Eat, Pray, Love.” Look at your encore career as a chance to take another bow. You are in a desirable place. You have a wealth of knowledge and experience. Combine those with a desire and a dream and a chance to pursue something you may have always wanted to do. Before long, you’ll be saying, “Bravo!” Judith Mosto is a longtime human-resources executive, educator, career counselor and life coach. Her career includes organizational management at Westinghouse Electric Co. (Siemens USA), a Fortune 500 company. She was director of career services at Concordia University in Nebraska before starting J.A. Mosto Strategic Programs & Development. She was an adjunct professor at a career college and a program manager at Seminole State College. She received her career coaching certificate from the National Association of Colleges and Employers.

THE GIG IS UP Freelancing and independent contracting have been around for a long time. But these “gigeconomy” careers are drawing new attention, due to the convergence of technology and older workers. According to Jed Kolko, chief economist for the job site Indeed.com, older adults are the “real gig-economy workers.” A 2018 study by MBO Partners found 35% of people in alternative work arrangements are 55+.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE TRENDING GIG - ECONOMY JOBS IN 2019:

Uber and Lyft Rideshare drivers. (Uber.com and Lyft.com) Airbnb Renting a room on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. (Airbnb.com) TaskRabbit Household help, such as cleaning, handyman, furniture assembly. Postmates Drivers who pick up or deliver from restaurants, retail shops and more. (Postmates.com) Rover Pet-sitting and walkers who care for dogs or cats. (Rover.com) Consultants There are many online sources, such as Indeed or Upwork. (Indeed.com and Upwork.com) Virtual teachers Check with state school systems and colleges. (GetSelected.com) Source: Staff research.

FINANCE

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MartĂn Jaggi / EyeEm/ Getty Images

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MEDELLIN SURPRISES EXPATS Safety, culture and nature, with an affordable cost of living I N T E R N AT I O N A L L I V I N G C O R R E S P O N D E N T S

Forget the stereotypes about Medellin, Colombia. This modern, progressive city is like the “Denver of South America” for retirees who enjoy outdoor living, great weather and excellent infrastructure — but at a fraction of the price it costs in the United States. In a new report, the editors at International Living examine the cosmopolitan, affordable highland metropolis of Medellin, where it’s like Colorado in summer, all year long. Source: Internationalliving.com

The Mile-High City of Denver, Colorado, with its outdoorsy ethos, vibrant cultural food scene and modern infrastructure, is a great place to retire. But it comes with a hefty price tag. By contrast, in Medellin, which shares the same high altitude, enthusiasm for healthy living and cosmopolitan vibe, it’s possible to live large for pennies on the dollar, according to a new report from the editors at “International Living.” “People carry with them an outdated perception of Medellin. It lags far behind the reality on the ground; and in that gap, adventuresome expats are finding opportunity,” said Jennifer Stevens, executive editor of “International Living.” Stevens continued, “They’re trading a high cost of living in the States for one that’s much lower in Medellin — and improving their quality of life at the same time. For people who like the idea of a cosmopolitan experience with

FINANCE

a fresh, outdoorsy vibe, this city should be on the radar.” Medellin has been transformed during the last two decades and is now recognized as a city to watch. In 2013, Medellin beat out New York City and Tel Aviv to be named “The Most Innovative City in the World” by the “Wall Street Journal” and Citibank. The prestigious Lee Kuan Yew World City Prize was bestowed upon Medellin in 2016 as recognition for its transformation into a sustainable, viable city. Just like Denver, Medellin is an outdoor-adventure capital. Golf courses, fitness clubs, hiking trails and tennis are all available to help residents keep fit. Every Sunday, and most holidays, Medellin closes down large sections of some of the major roads to traffic and transforms them into pedestrian walkways. These “ciclovias,” bike lanes, fill up with joggers, cyclists and families just out for a stroll. Street vendors offer juice, water and fresh-cut fruit to the participants.

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As in Denver, foodies and farmers’ markets abound. But thanks to Medellin’s location near the equator, and the extended growing season that provides, the markets are open year-round and brimming with fresh produce. Hundreds of restaurants offer everything from traditional Colombian cuisine to five-star gourmet dining. Meals typically cost a third to half of what they would in the United States, so eating out doesn’t have to be a once-ina-while treat. What’s more, Medellin offers excellent health care at a fraction of what it costs in the United States. In fact, eight of Medellin´s hospitals rank among the top 43 in all of Latin America, including Hospital Pablo Tobón Uribe, which earned Joint Commission International accreditation. In fact, Medellin’s cost of living, in general, is remarkably affordable. Including rent, internet, a health care plan and a maid, a couple can live a great life in Medellin for $1,394 to $1,994 a month. Expats live in many areas of the city, but the highest concentrations are in the neighborhoods of El Poblado and Laureles. El Poblado is known for its terracotta highrise apartment buildings and steep hills. It offers impressive mountain and city views. The Laureles neighborhood is flat, making walking effortless. Like Colorado in summer, Medellin enjoys a springlike climate 12 months a year. With daytime highs in the low-to-mid 80s, and evening temperatures in the mid 60s, there is never a need to wear anything heavier than a light jacket. There is no need for heating or air conditioning, either. Even though the city is 6 degrees north of the equator, being 5,000 feet above sea level creates a virtually, bug-free environment, with relatively little humidity. And with over 30 universities, an array of art and history museums, theaters, restaurants and several sports complexes, Medellin offers a cosmopolitan vibe. Yet, finding an affordable place to stay in Medellin is easy, because rental apartments are plentiful. Rents range from $300 to $900 per month for a furnished apartment, with many apartments offering modern amenities such as a gym or 24-hour, gated security.

Iglesia de la Veracruz ('Veracruz church') facade right before sunset in Medellin, Colombia. Smartshots International/Getty Images

FO R M O R E I N FO R M AT I O N O N M E D E L L I N , V I S I T I N T E R N AT I O N A L L I V I N G . C O M .

Houses with walls painted in colorful emblems or symbols representing the people living at Guatape, near Medellin, Colombia. Jiann Ho/Getty Images

A B O U T “ I N T E R N AT I O N A L L I V I N G ”

Since 1979, InternationalLiving.com has been the leading authority for anyone looking for global retirement or relocation opportunities. Through its monthly magazine and related e-letters, extensive website, podcasts, online bookstore and events held around the world, InternationalLiving.com provides information and services to help its readers live better, travel farther, have more fun, save more money and find better business opportunities when they expand their world beyond their own shores. InternationalLiving.com has more than 200 correspondents traveling the globe, investigating the best opportunities for travel, retirement, real estate and investment.

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Photos courtesy of National Senior Games

JULIA AND DOTTIE

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TRANSFORMING THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY MARC MIDDLETON

The 2019 National Senior Games in Albuquerque had a record 13,712 athletes from age 50 to 103 making it the largest multisport-qualifying event ever – bigger than the Olympics. There were athletes of all shapes, sizes and abilities. Every one had an inspiring story; but for me, the two most inspiring were on the track, in the same event, at the same time: 103-year-old Julia Hawkins from Baton Rouge and 94-year-old Dottie Gray from St. Louis. The world knows about Hawkins. She may be the most famous centenarian alive — not because of what she does but because she does it in a way that seems so natural, so relatable and so achievable. Hawkins became the oldest woman in history to compete in a sanctioned track-and-field event and made it look so effortless and enjoyable that it’s easy to overlook the fact that it was also filled with risks. I asked her just before she stepped onto the track if she was nervous. “Yes!” she answered. “There is a lot that can go wrong. I still have my hip trouble. I might fall. I might not be able to do it. I haven’t done it in awhile.” And yet she runs — not for the glory but for the story. She’s more concerned about defeating fear than any of her competitors. She runs not to set records but to destroy stereotypes. She runs to make a statement about what’s possible as we age. “That’s what keeps me going,” she said. “It’s really kind of a ridiculous thing that I’m doing; but if I’m a good example and inspire others, I’m willing to do it. Want to do it. Got to do it.” Remarkably, Hawkins didn’t start running until she was 100 and quickly became a global phenomenon — setting national and world records in the 50-, 60- and 100-meter sprints. She runs with a flower in her hair and joy written all over her face. After winning both of her races, she shared the message she’s hoping to convey. “Just keep moving and doing. Always have something that you‘re looking forward to and that you need to be ready for,” she said. “Life at 103 can be wonderful. I’ve got hearing aids. I have trouble seeing, but I have a talking book. There’s something out there for every problem you have, and the doctors can keep you healthy. So don’t fall over, don’t gain weight and just keep moving. That’s it.” It’s the simple secret to active longevity that nearly every researcher and health professional in the world prescribes and most of us ignore. It’s only when we see it that we begin to believe it. Understandably, Hawkins received all of the attention in both of her races. Flying well under the

media radar was 94-year-old Dottie Gray. Gray finished well behind Hawkins, but her performance might have been the most inspiring and important of all. Gray began running in her 50s and quickly fell in love with how it made her feel and with the friends that she made while doing it. She ran in every race she could, from 100 meters to marathons. By the time she was 90, she was a world-record holder and one of the most celebrated senior athletes alive. And then, at age 93, she fell out of bed and broke her hip. “Doctors told us she might not survive surgery; and if she did, she would most likely be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, “ her daughter Mary recalls. “They told us her chance of walking without a walker was zero. They said it never happens, and don’t wish that for her because it will only lead to disappointment and future falls.” One year later, with no support of any kind, Gray ran in the National Senior Games. “I’m trying really hard to get back,” Gray said, in the understatement of the year. “I’m determined to do my best and to keep going for as long as I can.” Gray was able to exceed, dramatically, all of the expectations of her doctors and physical therapists for four important reasons: 1: She was not the typical, deconditioned, 93-year old when she suffered her setback. She was pre-habilitated, which enabled her to recover more quickly and more fully. 2: She refused to accept the limitations expressed by her doctors and therapists and the accepted belief that “no one comes back from a broken hip after 90.” 3: She had a passion for track and field and the community that surrounds it that inspired her to endure the difficult and painful rehabilitation required. 4: She had the support and encouragement of her family and close friends. When Gray crossed the finish line there was no fanfare, no reporters and no photographers, other than Growing Bolder, waiting for her. We were there to say, “Thank you. Thank you for changing expectations and extending the boundaries of possibility for everyone.” We can never again say, “No one comes back from a broken hip after 90.” Dottie Gray has done it, and she’s given us a roadmap to follow. G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 8

We Entered, We Won and Now We Deliver

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One year ago, Growing Bolder competed in PitchFest Live, a national competition put on by American Public Television. Producers were challenged to pitch ideas for a national pledge show that would appeal to and benefit viewers of all ages, especially those over 40. Growing Bolder made the finals with our Launchpad to What’s Next concept. CEO Marc Middleton traveled to Baltimore, competed on stage against the other finalists and claimed the grand prize: a check for $75,000 and a production deal with American Public Television. We’ve worked for the past 10 months developing our concept and ultimately taped “Growing Bolder’s Launchpad to What’s Next” in front of a live, sold-out audience in The Villages, Florida. The program is hosted by Marc, and features an allstar team of national experts, including long distance swimming icon Diana Nyad, longevity expert Dr. Roger Landry, personal finance guru Jean Chatzky, Blue Zones founder Dan Buettner, three-time Olympic Gold Medalist Rowdy Gaines, 50+ lifestyle expert Barbara Hannah Grufferman, Rock-and-Roll Hall-of-Famer Roger McGuinn, aging transformation icon Dr. Bill Thomas and awardwinning journalist Bill Shafer. An energetic, entertaining and inspirational program, Launchpad shares the secrets to healthy aging and active longevity. It’s a playbook for navigating an entirely new life stage that represents an opportunity for two, three and even four decades of active life beyond what's considered normal retirement age.

“This is a fact that both excites and concerns all of us,” said Executive Producer Jackie Carlin. “We all wonder: What’s next and how do we create it? Launchpad answers our biggest questions, addresses our biggest fears and inspires the kind of lifestyle change that empowers healthy aging. It offers clear, actionable takeaways to help viewers begin their personal journey to what’s next.” If the reaction from the live audience is any indication, the program will be a valuable addition to the public broadcasting line-up. “I wish everybody I know could have been here to hear this. It was awesome! I’ll take this and go to my next friend that needs it.” Lori Boettler

The program is supported by the Portal, a unique online resource that includes videos of every presentation, bonus interviews and actionable takeaways from every expert, complete seasons of the Growing Bolder TV show, a regularly updated library of inspirational videos, downloadable worksheets and additional tools, tips and vetted resources in caregiving, financial planning, functional fitness, lifelong learning and much more. “We all get motivated to make positive changes in our lives,” said Marc Middleton. “But without continual support and encouragement, that motivation wanes; and we fall back into old habits and limiting belief systems. The Portal is a 24/7 resource to help viewers on their journey to what’s next.”

“I love their message about changing the way we age by our own behavior, thoughts and choices.” Bonnie Stein “It was phenomenal. It was inspiring. It was informative, educational and uplifting.” John Murphy “It was fantastic, especially the part about focusing on and celebrating what you can do — not what you can’t do.” Denise Fuller “It was amazing. It was so inspiring. We are living these things, but we need validation; and if there was ever any validation, we got it tonight!” Joyce Beatty

Look for “Growing Bolder’s Launchpad to What’s Next” on your local public broadcasting station beginning in December to find out how to access the Portal.

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Interaction Has Powerful Brain Health Benefits Learn to support loved ones with dementia T E E PA S N OW

Social connections, social purpose and social support are three critical factors for living a life with satisfaction when dementia is part of living. Studies have shown that people who live with dementia, and yet stay engaged, will have a higher quality of life, with fewer emergency health events. Why is social interaction and engagement with a purpose so vital to humans? When we socialize, our brains get really active, they work hard. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like exercise for the brain. Positive social engagement produces hormones and chemicals that are essential to our wellbeing and survival. Endorphin, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin are powerful chemicals that keep us going. The lack of these chemicals can result in failure to thrive, loss of interest in survival and possibly the production of adrenaline and cortisol to compensate. Cortisol, a stress hormone that is produced when we feel threatened, also creates significant health risks associated with it when it is released too often and too long, including an ever-changing, brain-altering condition like dementia. Therefore, social and physical engagement in life plays a key role in sustaining wellbeing when dementia is part of life. People who are socially isolated are more likely to develop symptoms of dementia than those who stay socially active and involved in purpose-filled lives. 80

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People who develop dementia, and establish a support system and life that keeps them involved and engaged in ways they still find satisfying and rewarding, experience less distress, fewer episodes of acute crises and have less need for emergency services. Good news: social networking and social engagement is possible, even at the very end of life with dementia.

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People who do not initiate social interactions, or who exhibit some of the more common symptoms of living with dementia, are more likely to be left out of social opportunities. Dementia’s impact on language, impulse control, initiation, sequencing, use of logic, working memory, visual fields and skills, interests and ability to sustain focus or disengage focus affect social-interaction skills and opportunities. Deciding to decline offers to engage in social events and activities the person has always found enjoyable, because changes could be revealed, is common. If I have dementia, and I am aware of my changes, I may hesitate. If I have no awareness of my changes, “anosognosia,” I may cause others to become alarmed or distressed with my changed performance, behaviors or reactions, thus reducing their interest in issuing invitations. The challenge, for those not living with the disease inside themselves, is to build new awareness, knowledge and skill. Learning how to adapt expectations, to modify offers of engagement and connection and to provide effective social support to match the changing abilities and needs of the person on the other side of the social equation requires commitment and flexibility. The good part about doing it, is that it is actually good for your brain as well. Learning how to socially interact with people living with dementia is not rocket science. It simply takes a willingness to modify old habits, change old routines and learn some new ways of training yourself and your brain to adapt and communicate. Simple techniques, such as offering the person time to process; making sure you are within visual range; pausing for responses; offering your hand in a friendly, familiar way; using a supportive stance; sequencing your cues; using either/or options for choices and using positive action starters rather than yes/no questions all play a role. These techniques are outlined in greater detail in Positive Approach® to Care methodologies.*

Five Ways to Reduce Your Risk of Dementia 1 N OT I C E A N D U S E POSITIVE COPING S T R AT E G I E S TO M A N AG E D I S T R E S S . S TA R T BY PAU S I N G A N D B R E AT H I N G D E E P LY F R O M YO U R D I A P H R AG M .

2 G E T T H E ”J U S T- R I G H TA M O U N T ” A N D D U R AT I O N O F S L E E P. C O N S I D E R GET TING ANY SLEEP I S S U E S I N V E S T I G AT E D A N D P R AC T I C E G O O D S L E E P H YG I E N E .

3 G E T O R S TAY S O C I A L LY CONNEC TED IN MEANINGFUL AND E N J OYA B L E WAY S . SOMETIMES ANIMALS, CHILDREN OR ENVIRONMENTS ARE G O O D WAY S TO C O N N E C T WITH PEOPLE A S WELL .

Did You Know? Positive social interaction can boost these powerful hormones, which are great for brain health as well as overall mood!

Endorphin Serotonin Dopamine Oxytocin

EXERCISE WITH P L E A S U R E . G E T YO U R B O DY A N D YO U R B R A I N TO D O S O M E T H I N G AC T I V E A N D I N V I G O R AT I N G E AC H DAY. T RY DA N C I N G W I T H A PA R T N E R O R WA L K I N G THE DOG.

Teepa Snow is a dementia expert with 40 years of clinical and academic experience. She provides training and consulting for healthcare professionals and families. To learn more about her company, Positive Approach® to Care, visit www.teepasnow.com.

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E AT M O D E R AT E LY, E L I M I N AT E J U N K FO O D A N D R E P L AC E I N TA K E WITH DOING SOMETHING O F VA LU E .

We Do It For Them.

Quality dementia care needs to be considered a necessity, not a luxury.

,y tingid rieht fo enoemos bor ton seod aitnemeD“ ”.seod taht meht ot noitcaer ruo s’ti wonS apeeT –

Appreciating their view of the world to make quality of living better for all!

We focus on the gifts that remain for people living with dementia.

We know that dementia can present complex challenges and we are here to help. We offer in-depth information to create an understanding of what may be happening both physically and mentally for those living with dementia. This knowledge, combined with Teepa’s practical techniques, allows care partners to respond positively in a variety of challenging situations.

For family members and loved ones of those living with dementia, we offer a wide variety of webinars, products, Ask Teepa Anything events, and more!

“Dementia does not rob someone of their dignity, it is our reaction to them that does.”

We are focused on developing awareness, knowledge, and skill to create a more positive dementia care culture.

e m iT a ta d n i M e n O

aitn e m eD r of ecioV A

Positive Approach® to Care enhances the life and relationships of those living with brain change by fostering an inclusive global community.

Care. Connect. Educate. Human dignity for people living with brain change should be paramount. Those who raised the younger generations deserve to be cared for with the utmost in care and respect.

- Teepa Snow

To learn more, sign up for our free monthly journal or attend our first annual conference in November. We invite you to call us or visit us online at www.teepasnow.com.

m oc.wo n Sap eeT • 1761.778.7

For professionals, we offer online education, in-person training, and Certification Courses.

www.teepasnow.com / 877-877-1671

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Crossing the country on two wheels

M A RY S H A N K L I N

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GibsonPictures/Getty Images

CYCLE OF LIFE

Lon Haldeman towered over my breakfast table on Day Two of my month-long bike ride across North America. “How you doing?” asked the deep-voiced man who once pioneered the Race Across America and organized this trek. At 60, I was the oldest female among 20 international cyclists riding from Seattle to a New Hampshire beach last summer. I said cheerily that the first day had been like the Horrible Hundred, a 100-mile bike ride across Central Florida’s ridges. “Well, it’s about to get more horrible,” he said. It did. By the end of that second day, I called my husband and said I wanted to quit. Climbing over the snow-capped Cascade Mountains made the Horrible Hundred seem like speed bumps. I wasn’t the last to crest the peak, but I descended so cautiously that I came in last. This flatlander was done. Lying in my bed that night, I formed the reasons I would tell people I quit. But as dawn broke, I geared up for Day Three. I realized that quitting was not an option. This ride was my fundraiser supporting the Adult Literacy League. I had started a GoFundMe page, “Wheels for Words,” with the goal of raising $3,569 — the same number as the trip mileage. Friends, family and neighbors donated more than $4,000 to the league in honor of my quest. The idea for the ride was planted more than a decade earlier when I learned about the transcontinental ride from a friend and journalism mentor facing a terminal diagnosis. The ride was one of the memories he cherished most in his final days. The inspiration for riding for charity came from a story I had written at the “Orlando Sentinel” about a 24-year-old who learned to read and write. He had gone from being illiterate to writing amazing stories. The students in my story sometimes changed buses three times to get to class. They sacrificed wages and family time in order to learn. And I was going to quit a bike ride? In the next few days, my legs hit a rhythm. Tailwinds, downhills and scenery blessed us. I joined four other riders, and we took turns confronting headwinds. Camaraderie lifted me as we worked together. A routine emerged: Up about 5:30 a.m., with buffet breakfast in the hotel parking lot. Ride with breaks every 30ish miles at a roadside trailer flush with Oreos, hydration and sunscreen. At our hotel, we scrubbed our bikes clean before hauling them – and our 40-pound bags — to our rooms. Hotels ranged from Super 8 to luxury. “The Best Part of the Day,” as my roommate and longtime friend Lisa Portelli called it, was a hot shower. A bottle of India Pale Ale beer sometimes sat next to razors and Dr. Bonner’s Castile Soap. Riders washed their spandex and hung them on bushes and fences to dry while the famished travelers sought steak, lasagna, salad and pie.

Lon Haldeman and Susan Notorangelo have organized dozens of international cycling trips over the decades through their company Pacific Atlantic Cycling tours.

Working together with other cyclists made the Badlands, and everything else, easier.

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The group started near Seattle and ended in Rye Beach, New Hampshire. Mary Shanklin holds her bike up in victory.

One night, an internist from Johns Hopkins and I headed to Walmart for a rotisserie chicken. A wary deli clerk looked at our sun-beaten faces with a look that said, “You’re homeless, aren’t you,” and reminded us to get eating utensils. Ultimately, stress takes a toll when you’re riding 120-140 miles daily. After two weeks, my respiratory system rebelled and the flu funk hit. Heading to Mount Rushmore, I just wanted to crawl into bed. I fantasized about sheets so thick they crumpled. Maybe it really was time to quit, as other riders had. But I pushed on. I climbed the Rockies and Tetons to challenge myself. I persevered the entire 3,650 miles to empower people with reading skills. When we finally reached the Atlantic Ocean, there on the roadside scanning cyclists’ faces was my husband, Chris Testerman. I considered quitting a few times but I never teared up… until I saw him. A lot has happened since I got back home. I have been busy with my company, Fifth Estate Media, and I was asked to join the Adult Literacy League’s board of directors. And Jeremy White, the young man featured in the “Sentinel” story about literacy, now has a job with supervisory duties. Shortly after I returned, he wrote an unsolicited check to the League for $40. Then he crossed out the number and wrote $50.

Shanklin’s GoFundMe page, Wheels for Words: gofundme.com/rzbbz-wheels-for-words Learn more about the Adult Literacy League: adultliteracyleague.org Listen to Shanklin’s podcast about the trip: bit.ly/2PdtXQ4

Learn more about bicycle tours across America: pactour.com

Longtime journalist Mary Shanklin has written for “Orlando Sentinel,” “USA Today,” “Architectural Record” and more. She has a master’s degree in publishing from George Washington University and is the founder of Fifth Estate Media in Winter Garden, Florida.

Beams Abstract II, Lisa Faire Graham

Picture Perfect From defense industry planner to professional artist L I S A FA I R E G R A H A M

All images courtesy of Lisa Faire Graham

People are often surprised to learn that I became an artist after a career in the defense industry. During my 20 years as a Lockheed Martin and Northrop Grumman production control planner, I supported Army and Air Force contracts by interpreting blueprints and supplying the manufacturing line. As I worked on designs created by others, I nurtured a hidden desire to create my own. When I retired, my bucket list plans included writing stories and creating artwork. Inspired by the creative talent I saw at art shows, I tried tapping into my inner Michelangelo. But my painting attempts were dismal failures — such as the paint-your-pet class, when my finished “artwork” looked more like a marshmallow than our cat, Mitzi. I began to think perhaps I didn’t have any artistic talent. My brother, Chuck, a professional photographer, suggested I try using Hipstamatic and other app programs that helped creatively edit photos taken on my smartphone. “Don’t just snap pictures, but compose images like writing a story,” he advised. “Post one photo daily on Instagram and develop a habit of practicing while receiving feedback. You’ll soon know if you enjoy photography enough to invest in a more advanced camera.” As an avid reader and writer, I related to composing photographs like a story, and I began earnestly practicing with my iPhone. Before long, I had a Nikon. Whenever I felt overwhelmed with trying to master it, I leaned on the skills used during my career: Study processes and connect with others who can teach me the ropes. G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 8

Sidelined, Lisa Faire Graham

I will never forget my first photoshoot. Only 10 of my 300 images were good. It was easy to become discouraged. My dad suggested a photoshoot of vehicles he had ridden in as a teenager during the 1950s, and he offered to guide me to a location where a Studebaker pickup and Chevrolet Bel Air had been abandoned in the woods. Hoping to get better results than my previous attempts, I tried a new approach by resisting the urge to rush in and start snapping pictures. Instead, I slowly walked around, looking for subjects. My mother suddenly pointed to the Bel Air and said, “Look, the passenger side window resembles stained glass!” Sure enough, the milky, opaque window displayed prisms of colors cast by sunlight filtering through the trees. This glimmer of discovery excited me; and I began photographing with a renewed vision, seeking hidden beauty in vintage subjects. Gradually, my images improved; and my next step was learning Photoshop techniques. I discovered everything I needed on YouTube. I joined a local art league, but the entry form for a photography competition remained on our kitchen counter, while I sought the courage to enter. “Go for it,” my husband, Bill, said and suggested, “Just select images with a special meaning to you.” So, I chose a sunset I captured after a rainstorm, a whimsical view of a cat peering through a window and a colorful image of guitars. No one was more surprised than I when I received two first-place ribbons and a third place. Bill said, “Now, you can finally see yourself as an artist.” As my collection of images grew, Chuck suggested

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entering art festivals. Again, I was uncertain. Applying to shows is more competitive. Was my work good enough? The opportunity to find out soon presented itself. The Downtown Clermont Art Festival was right around the corner. I was interested, but we didn’t have a tent; and we only had a few pieces of artwork to display. During the next few weeks, Bill and I attended shows, learning about tents and booth layouts. I used Shopify to design a website, and I created displays while Bill, a general contractor, planned our booth. Using skills learned during my career, I developed spreadsheets of checklists drawn from reading books about doing art shows. The art festival turned out to be a lot of work — and a lot of fun! I will never forget the moment when I sold my first piece. I was hooked. I set up a profile on Zapplication.org where art shows invite artists to submit applications. My first applications were rejected, so I participated in an online mock jury and made adjustments, based on the feedback I received. Soon I was invited to festivals across the state, enjoying new adventures I would never have imagined. My art business has brought a sense of validation, with awards, exhibitions in galleries, such as the Florida Museum of Photographic Arts, and sales through my website (GrahamPictures.com) and at an artisan boutique. Two of my images were selected for a report published by Keep Florida Beautiful. I see the world through a new lens now, and what I see is a world of opportunities in realizing my long-held dream of becoming an artist.

Model T Wrecker, Lisa Faire Graham

Lake Minnehaha Sunset, Lisa Faire Graham

Bromeliad, Lisa Faire Graham

Typewriter on Fire, Lisa Faire Graham

I see the world through a new lens now, and what I see is a world of opportunities in realizing my long-held dream of becoming an artist.

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Your passion for competing doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t end when the games do We know youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re striving for success every day

Proud supporter of you and all Senior Games athletes

How to find your tribe BARBARA HANNAH GRUFFERMAN

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Hero Images/Getty Images

NO WOMAN IS AN ISLAND

Connect to Live Longer and Happier Most women thrive on the building and nourishing of friendships; and as we get older, we rely on these essential relationships as a support system to help us navigate the topsyturvy changes in our lives, such as menopause, career shifts, divorces, new marriages, kids leaving home (or coming back), illnesses, deaths, aging parents, financial upheavals and so much more. And it works! As scientific studies and anecdotal evidence have shown, people with the strongest social networks have the easiest time adapting to all kinds of changes. What’s more, they are measurably healthier, and — big bonus — they live longer, too.

C R E AT E

+ According to a study conducted at Brigham Young University, people with strong social connections have a 50% higher rate of survival than those with few social ties. + A longitudinal study done by the Centre for Aging Studies at Flinders University in South Australia discovered that a circle of friends could prolong an individual’s life even more than close family relatives. In fact, those who had a tight-knit circle of friends lived 22% longer than those who did not! + The ongoing Nurses’ Health Study, managed by Harvard Medical School, found significant evidence that women with strong social networks are less likely to develop physical disabilities as they get older. The results of the study were so powerful that the researchers described the lack of close friends as being “as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight.” + Reaching out to friends may strengthen two structures in your brain responsible for psychological wellbeing, according to a 2015 study from researchers at the University of Texas at Austin. + Studies show that staying socially engaged stimulates the brain in areas critical to learning and memory. The benefits of a strong social network may be one reason that women live longer than men. Social scientists around the world have studied patterns of behavior among each group and concluded that having a supportive circle of friends and family around them — through good times and bad — helps women to better cope with all kinds of stress. Men tend to keep their worries and problems to themselves, while women are more likely to reach out to others (especially girlfriends), which helps us to reduce stress — and reduce stress-related illnesses. This may also partly explain why married men tend to have better health and longer lives than bachelors: They can rely on their wives for emotional support and companionship.

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A Family of Friends

Being engaged with family is an important part of staying emotionally and physically active as we get older. Family relationships tend to be mutually supportive, and they keep us in touch with the past and future generations. But although these powerful bonds are biologically structured, they still need attention and nurturing to stay strong. What’s more, while many of us treasure the connections with our close relatives, others do not. In these cases, we can still get the same sense of belonging by relying on friends and more distant relatives to create our own “family of choice.” And many of us do. According to a study from the University of Oxford, almost 60% of those who participated said friends are the most important thing in their lives — above money, career and, yes, family. The Japanese have a term for the people in our lives who are committed to our happiness and wellbeing, and we to theirs: kenzoku, which means “family.” The kenzoku ties aren’t necessarily blood bonds but are so powerful that time and distance do nothing to diminish them. Of my eight closest girlfriends, only three of them are related to me — my sister and two cousins. But I know all of them will always have my back, even if we sometimes bicker. That’s why they are permanent members of my “kenzoku circle.” Whether related by blood or affection, we all need people in our lives who love us as we are. Because when things seem darkest, turning to someone who understands you — without needing to explain yourself — is a true blessing.

- R A L P H WA L D O E M E R S O N

10 Small Steps to a Lifetime of Friendships 94

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1. Make time for relationships, even if you have to schedule them. 2. Savor alone time just as much as friend and family time. 3. Learn to listen more and talk less. 4. Give help when asked, and ask for help when you need it. 5. Practice compassion throughout the day. 6. Hug and hug some more. 7. If you love someone, show it. 8. If a relationship doesn’t bring you joy, let it go. 9. Welcome new people into your social circle as the years go on. 10. Seek ways to build community, starting within your home and working outward.

CARING FOR YOUR OLDER PARENTS Taking Financial Control J E A N C H AT S K Y

There may come a time when your parents can no longer manage their money themselves. Cognitive impairment may not even be a factor. If your father always handled the money, and he passes away, your mother may be at a loss for what to do. You can work with her, and perhaps a financial adviser, to bring her up to speed. Or you can step in and assume financial control. You can also preemptively avoid some problems by putting as much as you can on autopilot. After my father died, I tried to get my mother to pay her bills online. She was cautious and disinterested. Then she started dating Bob — who is so fully automated he often functions as in-family tech support — and jumped in with both feet. The lesson I took from this is that just like our kids may be 1,000 times more comfortable with technology than we are, we are 1,000 times more comfortable with technology than our parents. Try enlisting their most tech-savvy peers to help them “get with the program.” Next, establish a financial schedule so that things work in an orderly fashion. Schedule bills to be paid directly after Social Security or pension checks clear. If credit card, utility and other bills aren’t on a convenient cycle, call the billers and ask to have this changed. If your parents want you in the loop, they can give you access so that you can monitor their accounts online and help pay the bills. Some billers will even notify you if your parents miss a payment. Assuming your parents are OK with it, forge your own relationship with their advisers. Ask to sit in on meetings with the lawyer, accountant and financial planner. If the plan is to use the house for money down the road, you may want the name of their real estate broker, too. Should there be a need for you to step in to a greater degree, or to FINANCE

assume financial control completely, you are getting into legal territory. Here are the steps to take: Let their advisers know what’s happening. The attorney who drew up the forms (more on this in a moment) will know you have power of attorney for finances, but the financial adviser and accountant should know as well. Put a letter of diminished capacity in place. This is an agreement between your parent and their adviser that allows the adviser to contact the person with power of attorney if they notice cognitive decline. Obtain online access to accounts. Even if your parents like to receive hard copies of their bills, almost all accounts now have an online option. Use your power of attorney to establish access to their bank, brokerage, credit card, utility and other accounts so that you can monitor what’s happening if need be. Avoid joint accounts. Your parents may offer to put your name on their account as an alternative. Don’t do it. If one of you were to get into credit trouble, the other would be impacted. Also, after death, joint assets become the sole property of the remaining owner. If you’re one of a set of siblings, that could cause an inheritance squabble. Finally, if you or your siblings are not in a position to do this yourselves, you can hire a daily money manager to pay bills, reconcile accounts and keep your parents’ financial life running. You can find one through the American Association of Daily Money Managers at AADMM.com. Excerpted from the book Women With Money by Jean Chatzky. Copyright ©2019 by Jean Chatzky. Reprinted with permission of Grand Central Publishing. All rights reserved.

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Courtesy: Timothy Greenfield-Sanders

ELIZABETH GILBERT

THE TAKEAWAY

Curiosity is the key to a creative life I made a vow to myself when I was 16 that I would be a writer. I never said I’d be great, or even successful, but writing revealed something within me that I couldn’t access in any other way. For seven years, I got nothing but rejection letters. I persisted because I had a passion for something that would allow me to do more than just pay bills and die. Isn’t that the way you want to feel, too? I believe there’s something in us all that makes us want to follow our curiosity wherever it takes us. We all follow a path, and these little breadcrumbs of curiosity drop in front of us, tempting us to change our lives — or to at least think about things differently. Too many times, we ignore our own curiosity and fail to fully participate in our own lives. We let our fear overcome our curiosity and our creativity. I define creative living as any life defined more by curiosity than by fear. Every day, we come upon a fork in the road. One way leads to opportunity and the other leads to fear, which keeps us from opportunity. You can choose to walk down the path of opportunity, and open your life to endless possibilities, or turn down the road of fear and avoid everything.

Don’t settle for simply being a witness to your own life. Take control. I N E V E RY I S S U E : T H E TA K E AWAY

I say this as someone who’s inherently a very frightened person. I’m nervous, high strung, anxious and sensitive. But here’s the key — I am just 1% more curious about the world than I am afraid of it. And that 1% has made all the difference. Curiosity is the key to Growing Bolder. If you can push past the fear and make a decision to pursue your curiosity and creativity, the world will open up to you. Before you know it, you’ll be actively co-creating your life instead of simply shuffling through in a puddle of despair, shrugging your shoulders and accepting whatever happens around you from day to day. The road to fear leads to despair and the belief that tomorrow is going to be exactly the same as today. That belief is a lie, because we live in a world that’s in constant change. You must emerge from fear and despair. Ask yourself what you can do to actively and willingly participate in the changes that are going on around you. Don’t settle for simply being a witness to your own life. Take control. Give in to your curiosity.

Elizabeth Gilbert is an author, essayist, short-story writer, biographer and novelist who has written articles for many major magazines. One of her pieces for GQ became the basis for the film “Coyote Ugly.” She became an international superstar with the massive success of her memoir, “Eat, Pray, Love,” which chronicled the year she spent traveling the world following a painful divorce. The film version of the book starred Julia Roberts as Elizabeth. Her latest novel is called “City of Girls.”

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CULTIVATING GRATITUDE Meditation and journaling to manage holiday stress

JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty Images

E M I LY T H O M P S O N

The holiday season brings families together for celebrations, which brings with it a mixed bag of emotions for many people. Relatives who don’t see each other on a regular basis may find themselves spending hours with each other for days in a row. You may be hosting house guests or traveling to stay in a relative’s home for the holidays. Decades-old family dynamics may be on display, for better or worse. Financial stress of holiday travel, gift giving and hosting large family meals and events can heighten tensions. Those who find themselves alone or away from loved ones for the holidays may experience a different kind of stress, as well as loneliness. While there are reasons many people experience feelings of depression and anxiety during the holidays, there are simple practices to your improve mood and lift others’ spirits too. M O R N I N G G R AT I T U D E M E D I TAT I O N

We have more control over our thoughts and moods when we train our minds through meditation. Choose one thing for which you are grateful. Hold it in your mind as you slowly inhale and exhale, while sitting with a straight back and your eyes closed. When your mind wanders, bring it back to your image of gratitude. If you find it difficult to focus on one idea, you can try focusing on the feeling of gratitude. How does it feel in your body? Where do you feel any physical sensation of gratitude?

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Keep bringing your attention back to your image or sensation of gratitude for 5-10 minutes. End your meditation by setting a specific intention to focus on gratitude for the rest of your day. Even when something negative happens, find something positive to appreciate in that moment. Maybe you had an argument with a family member, but you are thankful that you are both healthy and able to spend time together despite your disagreement. Training your attention to notice the positives will lift your mood and likely lift the spirits of others around you too. E V E N I N G G R AT I T U D E J O U R N A L I N G

With fast-paced lives and multiple commitments, it’s easy to lose sight of all that is going well in the midst of our busyness. Find time to focus on the positive. What went well today? Who surprised you with their kindness? Did you get a good night’s sleep? Are you re-reading your favorite book? Did you enjoy a cup of coffee with your partner this morning? Were you able to break a toxic relationship pattern with a family member and enjoy their company over dinner? Spend 5-10 minutes before bed writing in your gratitude journal to refocus your attention on the big and small things in your day brought you moments of joy, peace and contentment.

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