4 minute read
LIVE YOUR TRUTH
Alex Klineberg catches up with Emma Goswell, whose new book, Coming Out Stories, aims to help people come to terms with their sexuality and/or gender identity
Emma Goswell, who hosts the breakfast and drive-time shows on Gaydio, has appeared on many radio programmes over her long career as a broadcaster, often for the BBC. Her voice has that strangely familiar quality.
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She recently launched Coming Out Stories, her first podcast. Having interviewed over 50 people, the podcast has become something of an audio archive of LGBTQ+ history. Coming Out Stories focuses on the stories of people out of the public eye. All too often, the coming out stories we hear most loudly are those of pop stars and famous actors. This podcast redresses the balance.
Getting a book published can be tricky, even for a professional writer. Emma and Sam Walker (her podcast co-host and co-founder) found themselves in quite a rarefied situation. Jessica Kingsely Publishers contacted them and asked if they’d like to write a book based on their podcast.
We caught up with Emma to discuss the book and what she’s learnt about coming out. “Coming out is a marathon – not a sprint. You need to prepare and you should never rush it. I spoke to one person who told themselves over and over again in the mirror that they were gay – just to get used to saying it and to learn to accept themselves. You also need to accept that you might NOT get the instant reaction you want immediately. The person you’re telling may have never questioned your sexuality or gender identity,” she said.
Quite often, people can find themselves coming out more than once. Emma explains: “I’ve spoken to bisexuals who have come out as pansexual later, lesbians who have later come out as trans men, trans men who have then come out as non-binary. It’s a journey and it’s one for you to make on your own terms. I’d never tell anyone they should come out. All I will say is that every single person I’ve spoken to is glad they did and felt a huge sense of relief to be finally living life as their true self.”
The podcast was Sam’s idea – she’s also a writer and broadcaster. Emma wasn’t sure at first – why do we still need to advise people on coming out? She later had to eat her words. Some kind of trauma comes through with coming out. Very few people she spoke to have had a seamless coming out.
Over two years, she heard amazing stories. Some were very sad; some heartwarming. Even people who were rejected by their families have moved on to find their own logical family. Coming out stories have similarities but each one is unique. One woman she spoke to was threatened with a lobotomy in the 1960s.
Emma cited her interview with Enoch as a particularly moving one. You would think his story happened in the 1950s, but it was contemporary. Raised in a very religious town in Texas, he was outed on Myspace (remember that?) and rejected by his family. He was also kicked out of his Christian university. Enoch was also sent for conversion therapy. Today he lives in West Hollywood with his partner and he’s also found his logical family. His relatives no longer speak to him.
Enoch’s story is certainly on the more extreme end of the spectrum. Emma’s main piece of advice for those coming out: it gets better. She heard so many stories where the first reaction was negative, but eventually friends and relatives came around to it. Sometimes it’s the next day and sometimes it’s years down the line. Most people want to find a way. You’d have to be pretty callous or heavily steeped in religious ideology to reject your kids for being gay. It goes against human nature.
Coming Out Stories is an important contribution to LGBTQ+ literature. It’s a book that’ll put your own coming out story into perspective. It’s also a guide for people who are wondering when and how to come out. As you’re reading this, there will be people all over the world struggling with their sexuality, waiting to live their truth.
“I’m beyond proud of this book,” Emma says. “If it helps one person come to terms with their sexuality or gender identity then I’ll be happy. What I really want though is for straight, cis gendered people to pick it up and understand our journeys. I don’t believe anyone could harbour homophobic or transphobic feelings after reading these heartfelt and inspirational stories. As Russell T Davies said: ‘This book is so vital. It should be in every school and home!’. Wouldn’t that be incredible?”
