DIFFERENTLY DIFFERENT

“I don’t fit neatly into any single category... I’m not a goth or a punk.

) As a married, middle-aged, working-class, gay trans man with two kids, Dirk Hemmings is frustrated by the lack of representation in the media and popular culture of trans people who present anything other than an ‘acceptable’ face to wider society. “I don’t see trans people like me very often,” he says. “When I see trans men they tend to be quite soft, more middle-class, often quite young. I don’t see a lot of queer, obviously working-class men, or people who are quite feminine men but not in a soft way, the way that someone like Prince is feminine. “I’m someone who people feel is quite threatening – I’ve got tattoos on my face and

missing teeth. There’s a difference if you’re heavily tattooed, 6ft 2” and walk in a wideboy style.” Dirk tried to make compromises when first transitioning, but people still found him intimidating and much of the time outside of home he still doesn’t wear the clothes he really wants to – those that are female coded, such as the skirts and dresses he wears at home –as he gets “quite a lot of hostility”. Not ticking the boxes that may categorise him confuses those who don’t know him. “I think I’m quite unusual looking, colourful, and people struggle to place me as I don’t fit neatly into any single category. I’m not a goth or a punk. I’m camp but not in a Graham Norton type of way. I look quite rough, but I’m also gay and feminine. I’m middle-aged, I have kids, I’m married, and the marriage survived transition.”

I’m camp but not in a Graham Norton way. I look quite rough,

DIFFERENTLY DIFFERENT

Dirk Hemmings decries the portrayal of trans people as only representing what normative society feels is acceptable

but I’m also gay and feminine”

Dirk, who began physical transition in his mid30s, sees a wide gap between the way society views trans women and trans men. “Trans women are depicted as highly sexualised, whereas trans men are seen as sterile. The LGBTQ+ community in general does tend towards placating people. There’s underrepresentation of groups I don’t belong to, especially people of colour.” Age is another issue that affects visible representations of trans people. “People raise stuff about very old trans people in quite a sentimental way, but there’s not much about middle-aged people that isn’t safe and normal.” If anyone is looking to include representations of trans people in popular culture, such as videos, adverts and films, Dirk would like them to take a good look at what representation really is, and ask themselves whether they are simply feeding a stereotype. He also wants to see more funding for people who are trans to undertake their own projects, along with awareness raising in schools. His personal story is important too, “even for people who don’t have kids and aren’t married, just to know that it isn’t necessarily a disaster”.

While acknowledging that any change is going to have some kind of effect on those who feature in a person’s life, his journey is of the type that’s rarely related. “My kids knew a lot of trans people already and were both fine. Most of the people at the school were alright and my kids are very hot on pronouns and correcting people – they’ve always been critical of people judging. “With my husband it was an ongoing thing and overall it was positive for us and we’re happier than ever. I think we saw something in each other and that’s what drew us together. I know it doesn’t always go so well.”