STUFF & THINGS

BY JON TAYLOR

Halloween & Supernatural

Never been bothered with Halloween. Never been ‘a thing’ in my life. Didn’t have any Halloween parties as a youngster, well, no one did actually, and doing nothing about it has become a traditional annual non-event. The only time I’ve had anything to do with it was when I worked in Sainsbury’s and was responsible for stocking the shelves with all the costumes and dreadful tat that they sell for it. Black cat made out of tinsel anyone? No, I didn’t think so... But it does seem to be another reason for us gays to have a party, drink lots and not wear very much. But when did we need an excuse to do that?

“Who’ve you come as?”

(Bloke only wearing the smallest pair of white hot pants ever): “A ghost.” Ghosts though. Love a ghost story. They’re so moody and atmospheric. But ghosts themselves are all a bit of nonsense aren’t they? I don’t believe in ghosts. If they exist, there should be ghosts everywhere, all the time. Stood in the middle of McDonald’s on a busy Saturday; walking down the street of a Wednesday afternoon. We should all have a ghost in our homes.

They shouldn’t just be appearing in a spooky dark house where people with torches are slowly wandering around in a heightened state of nervousness. When people say they’ve seen ghosts I think they believe they have. They’ve seen something I’m sure but it’s probably not a ghost ‘cause they should be in abundance. How many people have died since the world began? That number is definitely more than the current number of people living on Earth so we should be bumping into them all the time. Mediums are another weird thing…

“Black cat made out of tinsel anyone? No, I didn’t think so... But it does seem to be another reason for us gays to have a party, drink lots and not wear very much. But when did we need an excuse to do that?”

“There’s someone here with a message for a Daniel… Danielle… Damian. Yes, Madam? You knew a Davina? It must be them… The message is look behind the dresser for a letter I left you. You don’t have a dresser? Wardrobe? Chest of drawers... must be your bedside table.”

The famous spiritual medium Derek Acorah died last year. Of all the people we should be hearing from, shouldn’t we be hearing from him?

I do love the films that appear around Halloween though. I watched Hocus Pocus for the first time last year as it’s got quite a bit of a gay following but wasn’t too impressed. Lots of costumes and funny voices but not much else! The Woman In Black, The Others and Hereditary are my favourites.

There’s dozens of schlocky supernatural films on Netflix though – some of them so bad they’re dreadful. There’s nothing better than sitting back with wine and chocolate, lighting some candles for a bit of mood lighting and pointing out the dreadful plot points and ropey special effects. This is exactly what I’ll be doing this coming Halloween unless, of course, someone wants to invite me to a booze-filled party? I’m sure I could find something appropriate to wear...