Scene 39
STUFF & THINGS
THE LITTLE BIG LIFE
Halloween & Supernatural
You’re super!
) Never been bothered with Halloween. Never been ‘a thing’ in my life. Didn’t have any Halloween parties as a youngster, well, no one did actually, and doing nothing about it has become a traditional annual non-event. The only time I’ve had anything to do with it was when I worked in Sainsbury’s and was responsible for stocking the shelves with all the costumes and dreadful tat that they sell for it. Black cat made out of tinsel anyone? No, I didn’t think so... But it does seem to be another reason for us gays to have a party, drink lots and not wear very much. But when did we need an excuse to do that?
) When I was little, I used to pretend-play that I was a mutant. No, not with two heads or green scales or too many fingers, but a cool one! One who can do telekinesis or read minds. I’d get a job working for MI5, moving secret dangerous stuff with my mind, beyond thick, sealed vault doors. Or I’d be a super-mediator and solve divorce problems as well as cross-continental wars in an instant, by letting people read each others’ thoughts. Or flying, without a cape or an aeroplane. But flying ranked lower than the other powers because, well, there’s aeroplanes. Oh, and not to forget about shooting laser beams from my eyes. They’d have special glasses to control that at MI5, like in the comics. Alright let’s not lie. When I was a kid? I still do.
BY JON TAYLOR
“Who’ve you come as?” (Bloke only wearing the smallest pair of white hot pants ever): “A ghost.” Ghosts though. Love a ghost story. They’re so moody and atmospheric. But ghosts themselves are all a bit of nonsense aren’t they? I don’t believe in ghosts. If they exist, there should be ghosts everywhere, all the time. Stood in the middle of McDonald’s on a busy Saturday; walking down the street of a Wednesday afternoon. We should all have a ghost in our homes. They shouldn’t just be appearing in a spooky dark house where people with torches are slowly wandering around in a heightened state of nervousness. When people say they’ve seen ghosts I think they believe they have. They’ve seen something I’m sure but it’s probably not a ghost ‘cause they should be in abundance. How many people have died since the world began? That number is definitely more than the current number of people living on Earth so we should be bumping into them all the time. Mediums are another weird thing…
“Black cat made out of tinsel anyone? No, I didn’t think so... But it does seem to be another reason for us gays to have a party, drink lots and not wear very much. But when did we need an excuse to do that?” “There’s someone here with a message for a Daniel… Danielle… Damian. Yes, Madam? You knew a Davina? It must be them… The message is look behind the dresser for a letter I left you. You don’t have a dresser? Wardrobe? Chest of drawers... must be your bedside table.” The famous spiritual medium Derek Acorah died last year. Of all the people we should be hearing from, shouldn’t we be hearing from him? I do love the films that appear around Halloween though. I watched Hocus Pocus for the first time last year as it’s got quite a bit of a gay following but wasn’t too impressed. Lots of costumes and funny voices but not much else! The Woman In Black, The Others and Hereditary are my favourites. There’s dozens of schlocky supernatural films on Netflix though – some of them so bad they’re dreadful. There’s nothing better than sitting back with wine and chocolate, lighting some candles for a bit of mood lighting and pointing out the dreadful plot points and ropey special effects. This is exactly what I’ll be doing this coming Halloween unless, of course, someone wants to invite me to a booze-filled party? I’m sure I could find something appropriate to wear...
BY MICHAEL STEINHAGE
I read somewhere that we only use 5% of our brain, and all such abilities may well lie there, latent, waiting to be unleashed, could we but access just 10%! The plain reality however, on the average Monday I barely use 2%, so mind reading or laser eyes won’t happen anytime soon. And yet… Could I be a superhero? Absolutely! In fact, I already am! I’m super every day because I get up and get out of bed, despite all the chaos and confusion life has thrown at us all for the past near two pandemic years. These days, facing the world is no less a feat than facing an army of menacing creatures (possibly with two heads) from another dimension. And if you get out of bed too every morning, and carry on, you are super too! We can all be superheroes. We can all make the world more super, as soon as the day starts. Giving way to someone in traffic, without a grumble. Smiling bright at the receptionist when you walk into work, even though you’re not a morning person. Not standing in the way, chatting, on a busy narrow pavement. Buying your bus ticket on the app before you board. Getting your change out before you get to the coffee counter. You can be super out there in the big scary world, or even at home! Cutting the grass out front. Putting on clean bed sheets every week. Helping out without being asked to. Making sure you change the toilet roll when it’s done, or squeezing the toothpaste from the back.
“Could I be a superhero? Absolutely! In fact, I already am! I’m super every day because I get up and get out of bed, despite all the chaos and confusion life has thrown at us all for the past near two pandemic years” And then there’s super-super, where I hold my hand up (not quite Superman style) to admit I don’t always possess these... Not losing your patience that’s been tested for two years. Keeping calm. Being the bigger person in an argument and letting go of grudges. Understanding those who have lost their superpower of getting up and out and facing the world, and being their reason to try. Saying sorry first. You can do that? Then you’re not just super, you’re extraordinary, and the world needs more superheroes like you!
