Scene 11
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES By Jason Reid
) Okay I’m going to
say it; I’m sure we all think it anyway? People who say that appearances don’t matter at all when looking for a partner are being extremely liberal with the truth, or to be completely frank – they’re more than likely lying to themselves. We all care about appearances. It’s a given. Especially our own, and potential lovers’. What else do we have to go on when seeing someone for the first time? Unless you ask them to submit an audition video in advance, and if that’s the case then I bow to your ingenuity. Having said that, the older I get the more acutely aware I am that, once the initial attraction has drawn me in, what I also deeply desire is a mind, and a heart – someone who is socially conscious and cares about others. That sounds very clichéd, doesn’t it? But it’s where I am right now. When I was 20 it was all about shagging left, right and centre in myriad exciting locations with men I barely exchanged more than a few sentences with. I’m 40 now, and I’m not saying I don’t want that wild sex and those random adventures in parks and the backs of cars, but I also want lovers who I can rage with about the state of the country and overthrowing capitalism and the Tories (I know those things are extremely unlikely to happen, but we can dream). As for appearances, my tastes have also shifted somewhat over the years. I’m not sure what’s caused this. Maybe because when I was younger my hook-ups and partners were super-masculine men who played the role of the alpha male, square
jaw and boring haircuts, you get the drift. I always saw myself as more feminine and sexually submissive, so perhaps my mind was responding to that by seeking out the masc guys. Thankfully, my understanding of masculinity and gender has now evolved and I’m attracted to a wider range of guys. Like art, beauty is subjective, and always changing. What is beautiful to me is not to someone else, and vice versa. That’s why societal beauty standards are so absurd. Who on earth decides? And how? These standards have existed in a rather pernicious way in the gay world for as long as I’ve been a mincer – less so now but they are still prevalent. The pressure to achieve the perfect gym body by whatever means necessary or be super-slim and preened to perfection. Thankfully I’ve never had the urge to prescribe to any of the ‘fitting in’ lark, which is not to say that I don’t seek acceptance and validation – it’s more to do with my innate urge to rebel against uniformity. The mental health implications of such pressures cannot be understated. Social media now plays a huge part in bringing those anxieties to the fore and amplifying them. Keeping up with the Joneses on speed. Sometimes I think back to when I was growing up and am grateful that social media wasn’t around. Scrolling Instagram for 13 hours a day, seeing perfect bodies and constantly comparing would’ve had my head in tatters. In a way, I’ve had the best of both worlds – the first part of my life was rolling around in the grass and sneaking a peek at the top shelf of the newsagent’s when no one was looking, and the second part with a device glued to my hand that has all the information and stimulation I could ever need. I’m starting to sound like a fingerwagging elder gay now; I’m really not judging
– just curious as to how young LGBTQ+ people in particular compartmentalise all of the information and Insta perfect content that’s now available to them at such a young age. I think at this point many are addicted to social media. I know it’s one of the first things I go to in the morning – even though it is my job, Twitter is fired up immediately for fear of missing out, I guess? My appearance has always been something that I’m especially conscious of, and my confidence reflects how I look because the better I think I look the more confident I feel. There’s no better feeling than having a fresh haircut and strutting down the street feeling like cock of the north.
“I’m 40 now, and I’m not saying I don’t want that wild sex and those random adventures in parks and the backs of cars, but I also want lovers who I can rage with about the state of the country and overthrowing capitalism and the Tories” I always try to stay clear of criticising people for getting botox – which I’ve had in the past, and would again – or any kind of cosmetic surgery. It’s very naff to sneer, and ironically shows an unappealing superficiality on the criticiser’s part. Look, If I had the bank balance, I’d have the lot done! Do we as gay people have lower self-esteem than straight people, in general? It’s a common trope. If I had to answer, I’d say yes. But I can only speak for myself, and over the years there’s been more troughs than peaks. I manage that in a variety of ways, looking after my appearance being one. It’s an important part of self-care that I highly recommend to anyone. First and foremost, I tan and trim and bleach and whiten for ME! If any of that impresses other people, well that’s an added bonus. Go on, treat yourself to a trip to the salon this month. You’ll feel so much better afterwards.
