THE Daily Egyptian
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Campus came to life during the power outage
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Campus came to life during the power outage
May 31 will mark the official return of baseball in the Marion area as the Thrillville Thrillbillies will defend Mountain Dew Park against the Jacksonville Rockabillies. The Thrillbillies are part of the Prospect League, a collegiate summer league. After the region’s former team, the Southern Illinois Miners, ceased operations in October 2021, it didn’t take long for someone to take on the challenge of restoring baseball to the Southern Illinois town.
Mountain Dew Park, which was long regarded as Rent One Park, was purchased by the ownership group of Black Diamond Harley-Davidson in January 2022 with plans to make the space a “cornerstone of sports tourism.” Several months later, in June, the park hosted the Colt World Series, a youth baseball tournament that featured teams from across the globe. During the opening ceremonies of that event, the group announced its efforts to bring baseball back shortly after it was taken away
from the area.
Although two co-owners of the group, Rodney Cabaness and Shad Zimbro, held a track record of giving back to the community, they never expected to be owners of a baseball team. But they saw opportunity and promise in the space and surrounding town.
“Neither of them really knows that much about baseball but it was a situation where there would have been this huge, formerly glorious stadium that would have just been rotting,” said member of the Black Diamond marketing team Herby Voss. “So they stepped forward and they bought it …and people are giving us a little rope, you know. They’re saying, ‘Okay, well, we’ll see what you guys are doing because your history is pretty strong.’”
The Miners were included in the Frontier League, an independent professional baseball league, for 14 years. They initially exceeded expectations, leading the Frontier League in attendance in each of its first four years
beginning in 2007. They won the league championship in 2012 and even held a 54-42 record in what would be its final season. But their success didn’t have the longevity to remain.
“They cared a lot initially about the Miners and then over time, quite frankly, the interest waned. And I think it was a number of reasons, but we very much intend not to make the same mistakes, you know, kind of continuously put a product out there that is going to excite people,” Voss said.
The name selection was determined entirely by the community, as people submitted their suggestions for the team’s name online until December 2022. Five finalists were selected, and 7000 votes were cast throughout the final month of the year, when Thrillbillies beat
out the likes of names such as the Swamp Foxes and Angry Beavers. But Thrillbillies holds a strong resemblance to the term ‘hillbillies’, where the marketing team ran into a small roadblock.
“That has been used as a slur against rural folks for a long time. And so we recognize that and so in the design of the logos…we very intentionally did not have a guy in bib overalls, barefoot, with a jug on his shoulder…We went for characters, a rabbit, and a whitetailed deer.” Voss said “They are very timid creatures as you find them in nature…we made them very confident… So just kind of hoping that we can kind of turn that narrative on with thrillbilly and have it be something that folks can kind of puff up about, that they can be proud of, and that just sort of shows that even the most meek among us can be powerful and strong,”
The official team name Thrillbillies was unveiled at Mountain Dew Park on February 23, 2023, at the “Big Reveal Party” where not every fan in attendance was pleased with the name, but it reinforced the passion that the Black Diamond group knew the area had.
“I enjoyed the Miners 2 years ago, I’m glad there’s a team coming back to our area,” the first fan in line at the Big Reveal Party, Everette Keleer, told KFVS 12.
Ryan Shick and his family also attended the name unveiling event and he talked about their experience with WPSD Local 6.
“My kids are very into sports and things like that and anything we can do to come support local teams…Thought it was neat that we were going to get another team back since the Miners had left,” Shick said.
p. 8 International Spring Games p. 11 Column: The beauty of baseball p. 13 Kind of a big dill: The history of pickled cucumbers Howard woodard Hwoodard@dailyegyptian com Thrillbillies logos came from Herby Voss of the Black Diamond Marketing TeamEmail: editor@dailyegyptian.com
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Carbondale will hold “active threat” exercises on April 20 to assess and improve the university’s response to emergencies.
Each year, the university’s Emergency Operations Center conducts exercises based on a simulated scenario. This year’s drill will involve more people, including university leadership, and be more visible, said Ben Newman, director of public safety and chief of police. EOC has been planning for the exercises since the fall.
“The EOC has members from several university departments, including the Department of Public Safety, faculty, University Housing, Student Health Services, University Communications and Marketing and others,” Newman said. “This is an opportunity to see how our teams work together
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and to analyze strengths and areas for improvement. Although we have been planning these exercises for months, recent news serves as a reminder for why they are necessary.”
Faculty, staff and student will receive test messages about the drill. The public may notice an increased presence of armed police officers on the west side of campus. Parts of Lincoln Drive and campus pathways will be blocked temporarily to the public and to members of the media, like they would be to ensure safety in a real emergency.
“We ask members of the public and the news media to respect those boundaries while emergency responders conduct their work,” Newman said. “If this were a real emergency, responders would be working to make the area safe again. Trespassers could interfere with those efforts and endanger themselves.”
Members of the media will be provided with access to a site to be announced the day of the drill to assist them with coverage, similar to a real emergency.
SIU has communicated with students, faculty and staff, and families through newsletters, emails, posters and conversations. The goal is to avoid causing panic and to alert people who may find the sights of the drill disturbing. Student experiencing distress may call Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) at 618-453-5371. The Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is available to faculty and staff.
Plans also call for sending a press release on the day of the drill. On Monday, April 24, journalists will receive a press release with further analysis. University officials will be available for interviews that day. Contact Jim Potter at jim.potter@siu.edu to make arrangements.
Some people are worried about the safety of their bank accounts after the recent failures of some financial institutions in the Silicon Valley. But economists generally agree there is no need for widespread panic.
“The U.S. banking system -- as we know it today -- has been following the same basic set of rules for a half-century or more, and the way banks work as financial intermediaries is pretty transparent,” said Scott Gilbert, a professor and Economics Program Coordinator at SIU and on-time employee in the Research Department at the Federal Reserve of San Francisco. “…If policy-makers had a desire to reduce public panic about banks, an effective policy may be to assure the public that the builtin safety mechanism of deposit insurance remains secure.”
There is a world of federal policy between a normal day at the bank, and the classic bank-run lines that appeared outside of Silicon Valley Bank (SVB) this March.
Between 2020 and 2021, the COVID-19 pandemic blazed across the United States and the country began to move school, work, and most non-essential interactions online. This caused a surge in the tech sphere, spawning dozens of Silicon Valley startups with a great deal of liquidity due to influxes of cash from investors and short term loans. This presented SVB, which specialized in startups, with a problem. Many of the new tech start-ups it serviced required no new loans, depriving the bank of income. So, with money deposited by cash-laden start-ups, SVB decided to invest in long term securities, particularly government securities, widely seen as safest of investments.
Because the federal government is far less likely to fail than a bank, there is almost no chance of losing the money deposited. However, with the recent increase in the Federal Reserve’s interest rates, which recently rose from near zero to 5%, federal bonds had become far more lucrative making the market price of SVB’s government bonds much lower.
If SVB were to continue to hold the assets in the long term as they had initially planned, they would eventually have seen all of the money they invested paid back by the federal government, once the bonds “matured”, as well as profits in the form of interest payments about twice a year. However, should customers suddenly start demanding their deposits back enmasse, having too large a percentage of its deposits caught up in long-term bonds would be a recipe for a serious disaster.
Unfortunately, the rise in interest rates hadn’t affected the bank in a vacuum. The customer base of the bank, comprised largely of ambitious start-ups that had flourished in the era of near zero interest rates, was suddenly dealing with more cautious investors, and loans which were far more expensive. They began to draw more heavily on money from their accounts to compensate, roughly around the same time.
Suddenly, SVB needed to sell its government securities before they matured in order to give customers their deposits back in cash, leaving the bank at the mercy of far lower market prices than those the bonds were initially purchased at. SVB sold 21 billion dollars of securities, resulting in a loss of 1.8 billion dollars. This, combined with an effort to sell 2.25 billion dollars of stock to investors to shore up their losses, made the company look as if it was expecting a major dip in stock prices, causing its stock price to crater.
Needless to say, this didn’t inspire confidence in depositors, resulting in a “run” on the bank, meaning many customers attempted to get their money back at the same time, causing a liquidity
crisis. SVB simply didn’t have cash on hand to pay back all of its clients.
Depositors attempted to take almost a quarter of the bank’s deposits back in a single day, resulting in the failure of the stock sale, and an failed attempt to sell SVB as a whole to a competitor with enough liquidity to deal with the crisis. SVB was taken over by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, whose mission is to maintain public confidence in banking by keeping banks stable and insured by up to $250,000 per account.
In theory, the federal government’s regulators should have foreseen the vulnerability of SVB. The Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and FDIC Consumer Protection Act, passed by thenPresident Barrack Obama, required yearly stress tests of banks, and established orderly liquidation procedures in the event of a bank collapsing (meaning that depositors were likely to get their money back eventually). It also limited the amount of risk that banks large enough to be considered “systemically important” were able to take on.
The bill was widely thought to improve the stability of the banking system in the wake of the Great Recession in 2008, but its passage was mainly partisan, with only a handful of Republican votes saving it from filibuster. The main criticism leveled against the bill was that it stifled the growth of small community banks, and prevented the growth of the economy from achieving its maximum potential.
Because of this line of reasoning, Congress (with bipartisan support) and former President
Donald Trump passed the The Economic Growth, Regulatory Relief and Consumer Protection Act in 2018, which repealed certain elements of the Dodd-Frank reform, including the threshold at which banks would be subject to stricter regulations. Instead of being regulated after controlling $50 billion of assets, banks would now only fall under the strictest regulations at $250 billion of assets, which the SVB fell just shy of at $209 billion in assets according to a Washington Post article. Essentially, with reduced regulations, banks are able to invest more of customers’ money rather than keeping it in stock for a potential crisis, resulting in more profit.
Notably, this reduction in regulation came at a time when banks were making record profits. In the first quarter of 2018, the industry made approximately $56 billion across all ensured institutions, according to the FDIC.
Although, admittedly, the federal government didn’t use taxpayer money when it bailed out SVB’s customers, instead relying on a premium charged to the rest of the banking system, the regulatory bodies that should have been stress testing SVB for situations such as a sudden hike in interest rates are under some scrutiny.
“You know, the potential for a shortfall in terms of what the insurance program could do to cover sudden draws on it probably does call for and perhaps now they will go and do some more, as you say, stress testing it for the especially these situations with giant accounts, because maybe they are more preventable,” Gilbert said. “To
me, it makes perfect sense at a bank where many depositors have exceeded the quarter million mark for their checking and savings accounts.”
On the other hand, Tim Marlo, a clinical associate professor for the SIU College of Business and supervisor of the Saluki Student Investment fund (with allows students to manage the SIU Foundation’s money as if they were working at an investment firm), said he’s unconvinced the bank could have overcome the problem, even with more regulation.
“There were many factors ranging from cryptocurrency collapsing to rising interest rates that created the collapse of SVB,” Marlo said. “Similar to financial regulation cycles, economic cycles repeat themselves. Yes, there will be a recession sometime in the future. However, how bad it will be or when it will even occur are not known yet despite wild speculation.”
According to Gilbert, there are two schools of thought on the issue of bank regulationsthose who argue that less regulation will result in increased efficiency for businesses causing them to thrive and provide better services at lower rates as well as increased employee wages, and those who prioritize the issue of customer safety and the public’s confidence in banks.
“That second school is where some economists will then say ‘hey efficiency isn’t everything.’ Boosting up the GDP [gross domestic product] is only one measure of economic welfare, and our happiness and way of life and how we feel about that,’” Gilbert said. “So things like the externalities from pollution, bad things that happen when we’re just efficient or seemingly efficient in terms of output, are some things that economists, at least a group of economists, will care about. And other things, too, like even issues of inequality. If we just let businesses duke it out, often what happens is there’s just a few very rich businesses and the people that own them are really rich, and then we have a whole bunch of poor people.”
According to the Yale School of Management, the liquidity coverage ratio (LCR) rule, originally from the Basel III reform (an international agreement designed to prevent another international financial crisis) and later adopted as a rule by federal regulators in 2014, would have helped prevent the SVB collapse if Trump hadn’t repealed it.
The LCR rule required banks to hold on to high-quality liquid assets (HQLA) greater than or equal to their 30 day net cash flow if they either held $250 billion or more in assets, or had at least $10 billion or more dollars in exposure to foreign markets. SVB bank would have qualified on the latter criteria, but, because it was allowed to go unregulated, it held only 75% of its monthly cash flow in liquid assets in 2022, according to Yale. Millions, if not billions of dollars, which could have potentially forestalled the disaster long enough for the bank to sell itself.
SVB would also have been required to report more data about its liquidity if Obama-era banking laws were in place.
The Biden Administration has published a fact sheet advocating for greater regulation of banks after the collapse of SVB, which it claims also suffered from inadequate capital to absorb unrealized losses from all of the long-term securities it had invested in, as well as a lack of a “living will”, or a plan for the smooth liquidation of a bank in the event of its failure.
Banks and credit unions local to Carbondalethough possibly less regulated than they were pre2018 - say that they are not comparable to SVB in their investment strategies and their customer bases.
Staff reporter Daniel Bethers can be reached at dbethers@dailyegyptian.com.
Instead they moved to Logan Drive just outside of the dorms, where police blocked off the road.
Students came together from East Campus and West to make the best of the evening. There was laughter and excitement all around and it became easy to forget the lack of power in the town, and even the end-of-year fatigue seemed to disappear into the night.
Though there was no hum of air conditioning, no refrigerators purring or fans whirring, the night still buzzed with the clamor of students as they came together to celebrate in the silence and for a brief moment in time, forget the stresses of upcoming school projects and exams.
Then, as quickly as they gathered, the students dismantled with shouts of joy as the lights flickered back to life.
When the power went out across Carbondale April 13 around 8:20 p.m., campus began to teem with life.
Some students wandered out to Campus Lake where the stars had never been brighter, reflecting in the water uninterrupted by the
usual street or dorm lights.
Others flocked to the nearest Veo scooters and rode in herds through the dark and empty streets.
But most on-campus students found themselves outside the East Campus towers, where a party quickly took form.
When the power, along with
the air conditioning and fans, went out in the dorms, students grew tired of the thick, warm air of the towers, so many started to leave.
Someone posted on YikYak, an anonymous social media app, for everyone to meet up and it didn’t take long for a group to assemble between Mae Smith
and Schneider.
Using the headlights from police vehicles as the only source of light, people gathered, music played, and formed a dance circle, and the atmosphere felt unmistakably happy.
Although the students were asked to move away from the towers, the party didn’t stop.
Everyone walked happily back up the hill to their dorms and students from West Campus started toward the bridge on their way home, waiting for their own dorms’ power to return.
Editor-in-Chief Sophie Whitten can be reached at swhitten@dailyegyptian.com or on instagram @sophiewhitten_
Sophie Whitten | @SophieWhitten Students make an occasion of the blackout, posing for pictures and staying in tight friend groups in the confusion April 13, 2023 on SIU East Campus in Carbondale, Ill. Daniel Bethers | dbethers@dailyegyptian.com A sizable police presence lingers around the herd of bleary-eyed students April 13, 2023 on SIU East Campus in Carbondale, Ill. Daniel Bethers | dbethers@dailyegyptian.comStudents take the opportunity to start a late-night rave behind the east campus towers, where several police cruisers herded them April 13, 2023 on SIU East Campus in Carbondale, Ill. Daniel Bethers | dbethers@dailyegyptian.com
A police cruiser lights the gloom behind the east campus towers, after all of the street lights go out April 13, 2023 on SIU East Campus in Carbondale, Ill. Daniel Bethers | dbethers@dailyegyptian.com Students make an occasion of the blackout, posing for pictures and staying in tight friend groups in the confusion April 13, 2023 on SIU East Campus in Carbondale, Ill. Daniel Bethers | dbethers@dailyegyptian.comOne of the most sacred places for every sports team is its home field. Even if it’s a hilly field placed in the middle of a cornfield or a massive stadium in the middle of an urban city block, home field has a special place in athlete’s hearts.
It also has one in their minds.
According to Julie Partridge, a sport and exercise science psychologist at SIU, playing at home has many psychological benefits.
“You know where everything’s at, it feels comfortable,” she said.
Partridge stresses that comfort and consistency are some of the most important things about playing at home, and why athletes feel good doing so.
Every team strives to win in front of its home crowd, but not all are able to. Fortunately for the fans, SIU has done an outstanding job winning at home in the 2022-2023 athletic seasons.
The following numbers come from a sample of six team sports [men’s and women’s basketball, baseball, softball, volleyball, and women’s soccer] records at home. To get a fair comparison across several sports, as some schools did not have some sports, win percentage was used to determine who won the most at home.
This was done by counting the number of total home games played [including ties] and the number of wins at home for each sport. The numbers for each sport were then added together to get a total number of home wins and home games. The number of home wins was then divided by the number of home games to derive win percentage.
This exercise was completed
for every team in the Missouri Valley Conference, and the results were quite surprising. As of April 12, two of 12 teams won less than 50% of their home games, while another six won under 60% of their home games. An additional three teams checked in at under 70%, leaving just one team who won more than 70% of their home contests.
Drake topped the rankings in win percentage at 77%, but it also did not have baseball [UNI (61.53%) didn’t have baseball and Bradley (42.62%) didn’t have women’s soccer either]. For schools that had every sport measured, SIU was the top finisher, winning an impressive 67.8% of its home games.
Interestingly, the teams with the highest win percentages didn’t necessarily have the best attendance. Though only men’s and women’s basketball had attendance statistics available, the school with the highest total attendance per game was Murray State, who ranked only fifth in winning percentage. Drake, the school with the highest win percentage, finished second in total attendance per game. It was followed by SIU, who finished second in win percentage.
While the home field advantage can make things easier for athletes, Partridge said they need to channel the same feelings at away games.
“We would like for people to be as consistent as possible, no matter where they’re playing,” she said.
Partridge emphasizes emotional control too.
“Even when things are going really well, we want people to have a certain amount of emotional control,” she said.
“It is actually great when you’re playing well and you’re feeling
like, ‘Man, I’m on a high right now, and I’m in the zone.’ But the problem is that you can’t really stay there… so when it starts to come down, we don’t want to bottom out either,” she said.
The crowd is a big psychological benefit of playing at home.
“I think for most people, it’s always nice to have fan support. When you look up in the stands and there are people there wanting to see you do well,”
Partridge said.
Beyond the athletes enjoying the crowd and playing better at home, many coaches also are appreciative for the home crowd.
Bryan Mullins, the men’s basketball head coach, recognizes and appreciates the impact of the crowd on game day.
After SIU’s February 5 win against Missouri State, Mullins said: “Great atmosphere. Thank you to all the fans, the Dawg Pound and everything… It’s
been awesome these last couple games.”
Kelly Bond-White, the women’s head basketball coach shared a similar sentiment after the Salukis February 23 win against Indiana State.
“It makes a difference. It gives the kids energy, and they love playing in front of their home crowd,” she said.
Sports reporter Ryan Grieser can be reached at grieser@dailyegyptian.com
Ryan GRieseR RGRieseR@dailyeGyptian com
“I think for most people, it’s always nice to have fan support. When you look up in the stands and there are people there wanting to see you do well,”
- Julie Partridge Sport and exercise psychologist
Voss said, “We were not at all surprised that the public response when we announced the five names was heated…We were actually leaning into that. As marketers, we thought the worst-case scenario would have been for people to be indifferent about it, you know, that they just didn’t care and they kind of moved on with their lives.”
The name provides flexibility for the marketing team to create a vibrant and energetic atmosphere for Thrillbillies games.
“The first weekend on the first homestand, we will shoot a guy out of a cannon over a helicopter…There’s some more kind of standard baseball fare and things but we want it to be thrilling for all ages…Stuff like firework shows…But we’ll also have a guy in an ATV jumping over cars,” Voss said. “You know, what’s nice about the Prospect League season is it’s very abbreviated…So we’ve got 28 home games, and 28 opportunities as marketers to kill it and really put something special together there…We’re leaning into the thrill.”
Although gimmicks and fun will be had in the stands surrounding the game, general manager and field manager Ralph Santana intends to continue his work of helping aspiring players fulfill their dreams on the field. He is committed to helping them improve and has an experienced coaching staff.
“It’s always been something I’ve been driven by is to get them where they need to be,” he said. “One thing I can promise them is that they’re going to develop and be better players by the time they walk out of here… it’s something that the pros knew that we did very well, like we had such a structured program around here that they knew they were getting a polished player when they left here… I think our coaching staff is far better than anywhere else…and bringing back some familiar faces…that have played pro ball, so we’ll be well set off.”
Santana both played and coached for the Miners. In his first and only year playing with the team, he was voted Rookie of the Year and Most Exciting Player of the Year after hitting .342 and stealing 25 bases. When he became a coach, he helped lead the team to seven playoff berths including its 2012 championship, where he was named Coach of the Year. Santana is all about Southern Illinois and is excited to lead the charge to bring baseball back to the area.
“After they [the Miners] left I never thought I’d stepped foot on the field again. Never knew what was gonna happen, so to be back at the park that I helped build is awesome…I think I represent this town, I think I’ve represented this town since it started,” Santana said.
Also holding the general manager title at Z20 Sports Academy, a baseball and softball
facility in Southern Illinois. Santana has given back scholarships to hundreds of college students. The facility offers lessons and training to younger athletes looking to achieve more and Santana intends to bring the style he teaches onto the diamond at Mountain Dew Park.
“I think that’s what I brought was passion, hard-nosed, blue-collar baseball to this town. And so, if anybody knows his town, and this town knows anybody, it’s me so it’s kind of like a perfect fit…So it’s something special to be back here and I feel like, you know, I’m a part of them and they’re a part of me,” Santana said.
The Thrillbillies’ skipper and GM faces early challenges as he has to deal with running a baseball team in its inaugural season. He isn’t sure when all his players will report to the team as they are still playing for their college squads, and he will be unfamiliar with the other players of the Prospect League just as much as the guys in his own clubhouse.
“That’s the tough part because everybody else will have a leg up on players because you know, they’ve either seen these players or players have played for them or they’ve gone to leagues and seen these players around. We haven’t. We’re going unseen and with a lot of local kids. We know just a little bit about them, and I haven’t got to actually see them play. So that’s going to be the toughest part, just trying to put a team together year one, to gel and to just, you know get on the same page with them and understand them as well as them understanding me,” Santana said.
“Some of our kids, we may not get until, you know, the second week of the season. Yeah, so, you know, like Hunter Ralls plays for SEMO, and SEMO is very good. And I think they’re gonna make a pretty big run and I mean, I don’t plan on having him till June,” Santana said.
Santana has known the fifth-year SEMO pitcher since he was 15 years old in high school and Ralls plans to play professional baseball after his stint with the Thrillbillies. The manager’s plan of setting Ralls up with a tryout and an opportunity to fulfill his dream is more rewarding for Santana than when he went through the process himself.
“I think I was blessed to be available to play for 10 years and understand how much of a dream come true that was for me… individually, it’s great but when you can help somebody else achieve their dreams and their goals, I think that’s even more satisfying than what I did for myself as a player, so that’s what I love about coaching,” Santana said. “It’s a fun process. It’s a tough process. That’s what people have to understand, it’s not an easy one, so I think I enjoy that the most.”
Sports reporter Howard Woodard can be reached at hwoodard@dailyegyptian.com.
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Prior to April of 2022, SIU didn’t have a single jersey retired in Saluki baseball history. Then came legendary head coach Richard “Itchy” Jones’ retirement last year. Now 350 days later, his former assistant and eventual Saluki head coach, Dan Callahan joins Itchy’s side as the second Saluki ever to have their number retired.
Callahan’s number 37 jersey will never be worn again by a Saluki baseball player and will forever be cemented in right field of Itchy Jones Stadium, right next to Jones’ number 1 jersey from the year prior. The Saluki clubhouse at Itchy Jones Stadium is also named after Callahan himself, another way his legacy will live on through SIU.
The Springfield native ranks second in SIU history in wins all-time, amassing a 442-447-1 record during his 16-year tenure with Southern Illinois. Before that, he got his start as a head coach at Eastern Illinois, where he was for six seasons before moving back to SIU.
In his time in Carbondale, Callahan produced 23 Major League
draft picks, 19 First-Team All-MVC selections and became just the fifth coach in MVC history to win over 200 conference games, earning a total of 207 against Missouri Valley teams. Coach Cal did so well in conference, the current coach of the year award for the MVC is named after him.
But his success on the field wasn’t what Coach Cal was best known for. It was for how he lived and breathed being a Saluki, whether it be through Saluki Baseball, or the university itself.
Mike Reis, director of broadcast operations at SIU Athletics said, “The entire Callahan family knows what he meant to Saluki Baseball.
To its players, to its coaches, those with a stake in it. Maybe even more than that, they knew what SIU meant to Cal; how he sweat it, how he bled, how he celebrated this place. He worked to make it better, not just SIUs baseball program, the entire university. Southern meant the world to Cal, even when SIU didn’t reciprocate.”
Unfortunately, due to a battle with neurotropic melanoma, a rare form of skin cancer, he died in 2011
at the age of 52 in his home in Carterville after an extremely hard fought battle. He earned the MVC Most Courageous award, which is given to a coach, student-athlete, or administrator that demonstrates unusual courage in a time of adversity, tragedy, or personal illness.
Those that knew the coach best knew him as a man of many different admirable traits who cared about a lot of different things in his life.
“We feel proud. Outside of his family, this was his life. He spent most of his waking hours at the baseball diamond. We aren’t sad about today, obviously we miss him, his daughters miss him. there’s a sense of pride that we’re here today,” said Cheri Callahan-Bustos, one of the coach’s sisters.
The entire Callahan family showed out for the occasion. From his sisters and their spouses, to his wife Stacy, daughters Alexa and Carly, and even granddaughter Zoe, who got to throw out the first pitch before the game, were there.
“As soon as this game would have been over, we’d all be popping a beer
together,” said Callahan-Bustos.
As mentioned before, Callahan’s jersey will sit alongside one of his greatest allies at SIU, coach Itchy Jones, whom he met as a graduate assistant back in 1986. Jones paved the way for Callahan to earn the job at Eastern and to ultimately come back to Southern years later. Having his name alongside Jones’ only feels right for those in his family.
“Itchy is a legend, not only at Southern Illinois or in the conference, but nationally. And to have his image right next to Itchy’s, it’s a day of pride for the Callahan family,” said Callahan-Bustos.
There are many phrases Callahan would consistently use towards his players and co-workers. Many of them still stick to this day.
“Cal used to say a lot of things. ‘Don’t be afraid to swing hard, you might hit it’ was one of his favorites. And whenever a guy booted a ball, he’d say ‘Is that a glove or is that a skillet?’ But the best phrase, and the one he seems to be most quoted for is ‘Just do the right thing.’”
His sisters concur with that mission to do the right thing
“I think it’s a great message for his own daughters, for his sisters, for his family, and everybody here. If we all just lived our life doing the right thing we’d all be okay,” said Callahan-Bustos.
His other sister, Lynn Callahan said, “I think a lot of the players would say Dan not only made us good baseball players, he made us good men.”
Callahan-Bustos concurred, “He always wanted to make sure his players did well in school, so it wasn’t just being a good athlete, but doing well in school and being good people.”
A friend of the family said, “I think he’s the ultimate man of character. First guy in my life that held the line on character.”
The Salukis are certainly trying to live out Callahan’s mantra of “doing the right thing” by retiring the jersey of not only one of the greatest coaches, but one of the greatest people to ever be a part of Saluki history.
Sports editor Joseph Bernard can be reached at joseph.l.bernard@siu.edu or on Twitter @Jojobernard2001.
Baseball. America’s pastime. One of the original American sports that grew up along with the very citizens it was created by. The game has become a larger phenomenon than its creators ever would have thought it could or would be. From stadiums that hold upwards of 60,000 people to the strategy of the pitcher vs. batter matchup, the game of baseball has just as much, if not more to offer than any other sport could imagine.
One of the most beautiful parts about baseball, in my opinion, is the different range of people that are capable of being an intricate member of the team. Whether they’re young or middle-aged, there are players in the game today that still dominate, and body type doesn’t necessarily matter either. Take the infamous DominicanAmerican MLB player, Bartolo Colón, for example.
Colón, nicknamed “Big Sexy,” was a former pitcher that played for 11 separate MLB teams across his 21 year professional career. Colón was of the stockier body type (285lbs) and wasn’t very tall compared to some other players either (5 feet 11 inches). However, because of his excellent pitch location, Colón kept his career going well into his late 40s and did it at an exceptional level. He led the league in shutouts in 2013 at age 40, made the all-star game that same year and played in it again three years later.
Because of the nature of the game of baseball, a player like Colón doesn’t need to worry about his speed, fielding, or hitting, only that darn good location. And he excelled at that. But there are many players just like Colón that managed to defy the odds of age, body type, or even both, and do it at a legendary level.
Baseball is also unique compared to other sports in the distinctiveness of each ballpark. Have you ever heard a baseball fan say that they wanted to go to every major league ballpark? It’s mostly because of the different shapes, sizes, colors and features of each one.
Want to see a home run hit into a river? Head over to Oracle Park in San Francisco, located right behind the McCovey Cove. A view of the gateway arch? Get an upper-deck seat at Busch Stadium in St Louis. Or what about the famous outfield ivy at Wrigley Field (which also happens to be a designated federal landmark)?
Even the indoor ballparks have something different to offer that no other ballpark has. The Diamondbacks in Arizona have a swimming pool by right field that homers sometimes splash
into. The Brewers have their famous home-run slide that their mascot, Bernie the Brewer, goes down during all their home runs. Perhaps most infamously, the Houston Astros have a train that blows its bells and whistles after every run and makes a 40-second trek along the outfield line after every home-run.
Each ballpark also has its own different dimensions, unlike football that needs to have a designated length of 100 yards, plus 20 more yards for each endzone. Baseball parks can range from as short as 302 feet, measuring from home plate down one of the foul lines, to 435 feet, measuring from home to the outfield wall in center. No two ballpark’s dimensions are the same, and this can be said for most of high school, collegiate and minor league levels as well.
The uniqueness of each ballpark’s dimensions brings a much different aspect to the game’s strategy that managers and players have begun to take advantage of. When playing in a ballpark like Fenway in Boston, where it’s ridiculously hard to smash a homer over the 37 foot tall “Green Monster” in left field, maybe the Red Sox and opposing team’s would begin to favor righthanded hitters in their lineup for the series there, to avoid a home run missing the wall. This is because right-handed hitters tend to pull their balls out to right field more often than not.
Speaking of the uniqueness of matchups, there seems to be a misunderstood element of strategy that many forget happens in baseball. The element of the matchup between a hitter and a pitcher has a lot of different things going for it that ultimately help make up the outcome of a baseball game.
There’s a lot of variables that change as a new batter steps into the box and a new pitcher comes
to the mount.
For instance, a fundamental fact about baseball is that lefthanded hitters do much better against right-handed pitchers and right-handed hitters do much better against lefthanded pitchers. This is due to the movement of the pitcher’s offspeed pitches. These are all much easier to hit when they’re coming toward the batter, compared to away.
So for a righty batter, the offspeed pitches would break down and away coming from a right-handed pitcher. However, those same offspeed pitches break down and inside when coming from a left-handed pitcher. For lefty batters, offspeed pitches coming from a righty pitcher actually break towards the batter. But this is where the strategy comes in. Lefties have always been more valuable than righties due to the sheer amount of righties compared to lefties in the league, on both the pitching side and the batting side. So it’s important for a manager to gear in a couple left-handed bats into the lineup to gain that advantage over the pitcher. Even better, some players are willing to bat from both sides of the plate, meaning they can switch it up on any given day based on what pitcher they might be facing.
The variables don’t stop with just being a lefty or a righty for an at-bat. With the advancement of statistics within the game, there are loads of data teams have on each hitter and can even see a hitter’s history with that specific pitcher for the given day. There’s also a pitch count on each pitcher that many managers don’t want to go beyond unless they really have to. Therefore, many starting pitchers leave the game in favor of “relievers” with the idea that they would do much better with more rest than your starter.
Managers have to consider these couple of things with pitch count: who’s in the lineup for the day and the history each of his hitters have against the starter for that day. This isn’t even to mention that managers have a lot to work with in terms of who they want to play at what defensive position, or whether to even play the Designated Hitter for that day, which means they would hit in place of the pitcher.
Hitters have to look out for variables themselves. They think about timing so much and what the pitcher’s tendencies are generally. Are they a hardthrowing slinger that relies mostly on their fastball? Or what if they tend to use their curveball mostly? How much does their curveball curve and how slow will it be compared to their fastball? What is this specific pitcher’s pattern when winding up and are they giving any clues as to what pitches they might be throwing?
And perhaps even more overlooked, because it’s harder to conceptualize, a pitcher has many variables to think about on how to approach a hitter. Where do I want to try to place this pitch and what movement do I want to try to put on it to throw off the hitter’s timing? Are they somebody who tends to swing at pitches outside the zone? Or even swing for the fences most of the time? Or maybe they’re a more patient hitter and take a lot of walks and hit a lot of singles.
The game has always been evolving from the day it was created to play around with some of these strategic plays within it. It’s hard to believe that, at one point in baseball’s history, walks were considered hits, pitchers threw underhand and groundrule doubles were considered home-runs. But such evolution is still part of the game.
Perhaps the biggest change
this year at the professional level is the addition of the pitch clock. Pitchers now are limited to 15 seconds between pitches to begin their windup; 20 if there are runners on base, and batters need to be in the box at the eight second mark on this clock. This is supposed to speed up the game, create a higher pace of play and lower the average total time of a baseball game.
Along with this, came the ban of the shift, which is a strategy of most of the infielders moving to a side of the field that a hitter tends to hit towards. This one is made to create more scoring during a baseball game and create more excitement. Both of these seem to be very controversial to some of those that have favored the traditional sense of how baseball was played, but nevertheless, the effects of these rule changes are already being felt. With the average time of opening week games being almost 25 minutes less than 2022’s average length of an MLB game.
Nevertheless, the game of baseball is an extremely welloiled machine that took a lot of different ideas mixed into one to create the aura that we know as America’s pastime today. There’s something for everyone to love and appreciate in a game of baseball. For those that aren’t hardcore about the sophistications, they can appreciate the stories of players and teams defying all odds, and those that enjoy the strategy part of it can dive deep into the decisions each manager makes throughout an average baseball game.
One thing for certain though, whether one likes the new rule changes or not, baseball is beautiful…
Sports editor Joseph Bernard can be reached at joseph.l.bernard@siu.edu or on Twitter @Jojobernard2001.
“Why are you a designer?” is a question that is posed to me more often than you would think. I always sit back a second and give them an honest answer, usually what is honest at that moment. My usual routine answers for when I am asked this in passing is “because it is fun” or “it makes me feel good.” These responses are true, but they are not the deep truth; they only skim the surface of what the real reasons are.
I always assume that when I am queried about my identification as a designer, they mean all aspects of design that I as an individual can cover. I personally dabble in both clothing design and interior design, while there are some folks that cover a great deal of different design aspects.
Through my love of home design, I use a story line of what is going on in the room. In my home you will always find a masculine to juxtapose the feminine, and I like to make them coexist together. I learned this from my grandmother, who will set a place setting of pewter plates in the living room next to the never lit fireplace, as if it is being used for utility, all for the art of home decor, and the story line that it can follow. She once told me that the place setting was set for the “Man of the
house,” but it has no use except for amplifying the story.
This school year, instead of putting most of my design energy into keeping my house like a living museum, I used that energy to create a mini line of garments for this year’s Southern Illinois University student fashion show. Last semester, I was given a prompt of a decade to pull inspiration from and told to design something that has heavy inspiration from that decade, but to make it something that is a bit modernized, and brought into this century.
I remember dipping my hand deep into the velvet Crown Royal bag to pull out by random what my decade would be. With my breath held, I pulled out a small slip of paper with the “1990s” written on it. After some sweet talking to a lovely classmate who had pulled the 1970s, I was able to make a switch and get to moving.
We were told to really think about our lines, try to put some personal story and inspiration for it, but keep it similar to clothing from our decade. I couldn’t decide what about the 1970s made me raise my eyebrow in inspiration and obsession, except for Goldie Hawn in Laugh-In, in which I made the executive decision that that type of get up is much more inspiration from the decade before.
I had remembered that when I
sold clothing in high school, most folks didn’t want the garments that I offered that were from the 1970s. At the time, most mainstream fashion was so heavily saturated with designs pulled from the late 1990s and early 2000s, that I knew if I had an original velour sweatsuit, I was going to make a little bit of money, but I simply could not even give away some of my pieces from the 70s. Except for one specific style of dress, and especially one specific brand. I remembered that Jessica McClintock Gunne Sax prairie dresses went like hot cakes. The more Nordic looking, the better. At one point, I had multiple, and I would never disclose my secret stashes, always being sure to keep at least one at all times as a form of “well if I go broke, I can sell the Gunne Sax” insurance. This memory of these long loose dresses with lots of fun and frill gave me this jolt of inspiration for a silhouette and style.
Now that I had the 1970s part checked off, I needed to put the thought into what each piece will really represent. I used my own childhood roots of being a Southern Illinois native as an important aspect to my mini line, as I sourced all of my fabrics and applications from the region. Most of my textiles that are being utilized are antique or second hand. This sustainable choice was
not only for money saving aspects but also keeps the line flowing with a certain feel.
My spring/summer designs use cool greens and light beiges and tans to represent the light colors of Southern Illinois in those seasons.
I used my models, the way they look and their personalities to construct the garments, hoping to reflect how they are as a person. My sister Hayley, who was my model in last year’s fashion show, is my biggest muse. She has long and dramatic features, and I always imagine clothing in my head on her.
We had three ensembles that we had to design, and they had to be specific. One dress, a blouse and pants, and a skirt and shirt. This might not sound like a terrible amount of work and a quick thing, and that’s how I felt at the beginning of the school year, but if you live by that mindset, you’re done-zo. I was so excited and motivated, and I had a big head thinking that I would finish quickly and not have to worry much later on. Well, here I am months later, with the fashion show only a week from now. My garments are finished, but I’m sure that I’ll keep nitpicking until they grace the stage.
It is that time of year again where the fashion workrooms look like a bomb went off, and the sound of constant machine humming becomes
a background noise on the third floor of Quigley Hall. The effort and joy of my classmates is evident when you see their intricate designs being worn by a mannequin that is looming in the corner of the room, waiting for its chance to shine. A fully-dressed mannequin is a symbol of so much, including blood, sweat and tears but also the end of another school year here at SIUC. That finished garment is a symbol of new growth and knowledge. I always think of my craft that I am still foolishly learning and getting familiar with.
When I am asked “Why are you a designer?” I think of the hustle and bustle of busy work, and the garments that now sit patiently on their forms. I think of my classmates’ faces, and the good and bad comments from my teachers. I think about my grandmother and my sisters. Most of all, and I say this selfishly and proud enough to understand myself and why I say it, I think about myself, my love of design in all aspects, and I remember that I am doing this for me.
The spring Student Fashion Show and Showcase is Thursday, April 20 at 6 p.m. in the Student Center Ballroom D.
Staff reporter Aaron Elliott can be reached at aelliott@dailyegyptian.com
Ebun Daley, a senior from Chicago, works on her senior fashion line Twisted Swim as part of the fashion design and merchandising program at Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, Ill. April 1, 2021. “I think I’ve learned a lot in such a small amount of time, since I didn’t enter the program until my sophomore year and I didn’t even know how to sew,” Daley said. “Now that I’m able to do all of this, from not even being able to sew, I think is pretty good.” Daley hopes to mass produce her own swimwear line after graduation. Nicolas Galindo | @ngalindop
On a hot summer day, when the sun beams are at their peak, is there anything more refreshing than the crisp and cool taste of cucumbers? Cucumbers and various cucumber dishes have been consumed for several millennia, among them pickled cucumbers.
According to food historian Bruce Kraig, “The cucumber pickle we’re familiar with does come from Europe but likely originated in India maybe about 3,000 years ago.”
Most likely the cucumber, like many things, made its way to Europe while traveling along the Silk Road, a famous trade route. India is already a quarter of the way to Europe.
But what about pickling, an old preserving technique?
Kraig said, “There are lots of preservation techniques: brining in salt water or vinegar-based liquids, and many varieties including different herbs, spices or other vegetables or fruits (how about cherry pickles?).”
Kraig said the cucumber’s cultivation likely predates Roman times and continued in the Middle Ages, then onto the Americas during colonization.
“The earliest cucumber pickling might have been in New Spain but definitely in Dutch and English colonies. German immigrants in the mid-19th century reinforced pickle culture – as in the H.J. Heinz company and then east Europeans like Poles and Jews (as in kosher dill pickles) made pickles even more popular. Early American cookbooks have pickle recipes and seed companies began selling a new kind of cucumber, the smaller gherkin, around 1800.”
There are two histories here, Kraig said. One is home canning made from home-grown cucumbers/gherkins, the second is the industrial production by such companies as Heinz. Pickles were so popular, he said, that Chicago in 1859, with a population of just 100,000, had nine vinegar makers and four “Pickle Warehouses.”
If you are having a craving now for some authentic old-fashioned style American cucumber pickles, here’s a recipe from Elizabeth Lea’s Domestic cookery, useful receipts, and hints to young housekeepers from 1845.
“Cut Cucumbers. Slice large cucumbers lengthwise – do not pare them – then cut them half an inch thick; if you have small ones, slice them across, put them in a large jar, and sprinkle them well with salt. After it stands a day or two, pour off the liquid the salt has extracted, drain them, and wash the jar, and put the cucumbers in alternately,
with sliced onions, mustard seed, white pepper, whole black pepper and a few cloves. Pour over them strong vinegar, and tie close. Keep them in a cool place, but do not allow them to freeze in severe weather, as freezing spoils the flavor of pickles. When pickles do not keep well, pour off the vinegar, and put more on. But, if the vinegar is of the best quality, there is little fear of this. Putting alcohol on over paper, will prevent molding.”
What’s your earliest memory of eating cucumber pickles?
How could something as basic as the friendly and omnipresent pickled cucumber condiments be so simple and yet its creation and history so complex? Whenever I think about cucumber pickles, I remember my grandmother’s homemade cucumber pickles, with their mason jars neatly
arrayed on shelves ready for a quick snack or sandwich.
Cucumber pickles we might not be as familiar with could be the soy sauce and vinegar brined Korean (oi-jjangaji), or even Russian style cucumber pickles using vinegar, boiling water and bay leaves as a pickling brine.
The list goes on among most regions and cultures on Earth traditionally and today. The next time you eat or see a cucumber pickle, remember that it is more than a condiment you are looking at; you are gazing at the historical result of several cultures, several recipes that have all been influencing each other, leading to the crisp and sour cucumber pickle that will delightfully dance on your palate!
Hi guys! It’s me, Rufus! Oh my dog, the weather has been pawsitively amazing – clear skies, bright sun, warm breeze! Me and Mom have been spending a lot more time outside lately, and I love it! Mom worked with Poppy in the yard last weekend, mowing and cleaning up downed limbs and branches that fell last fall and winter.
I usually help Mom with whatever she’s doing, but not with yard work, for a few reasons. One, I hate the noisy mowers! Two, Mom says something about me being a little more of a hindrance than a help - I don’t really understand what that means, but I’m pretty sure it means I do better work than her and she doesn’t want to look like a lazy-loaf. Three, and Mom says this one is the most important, she doesn’t want me to run into a snake. Mom said she was working near the woods where leaves piled up last fall and there were lots of tree branches down. And she said those are the kinds of places snakes love to hide in.
Something you should know about my momshe is terrified of snakes! She always says, “If it has more than four legs, or no legs at all, I don’t want anything to do with it.” Lucky for me, I have legs, and exactly four, so I’m good to go! But Mom isn’t a big fan of spiders and snakes, and snakes scare her the most. But even though they scare her, she says they do important work for our environment. She says they don’t bite to be mean, only when they feel threatened, or they’re trying to have a meal, so she wants to keep me away from them so they don’t get
scared and try to defend themselves.
But guess what, guys? We saw a snake in the yard a few days ago! We were just walking along, and all of a sudden mom let out a scream that almost shook the Earth, and she jumped up really high in the air! I didn’t know she could jump so high – almost as high as I can jump, which is pretty high! Mom calls me her kangaroo boy, but I’m getting off topic.
Anyway, when her feet hit the ground again, she tugged on the leash and called me over to her. She said that there was a snake right in front of me, and if she hadn’t stopped me, I would have walked right over top of it. And then she said, if I had walked right over top of it, she probably would have lost consciousness!
After she said her heart rate had gone back to normal (she can be a little over dramatic sometimes, but I still love her), she told me that it wasn’t a venomous snake. Venomous means it has goop in some special teeth that can make humans and dogs very sick, and it can even be deadly! But not this snake. She said it was a garter snake or a ribbon snake, and those don’t have special goopy teeth, thank goodness!
We live out in the country, remember, and mom says there tends to be more snakes around in the country than there are in towns and cities. For that reason, she has done lots of research on snakes and how to keep me safe. I don’t remember everything she said, so I’ll let her tell you! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Southern Illinoisans are familiar with the yearly comings and goings of snakes in our area.
We tend to learn at an early age that snakes go into hibernation in the fall, and re-emerge from hibernation in the spring. They are more active at night and when the weather is warm, than they are in the daytime or cooler temperatures. But how much do you know about the safety of your dogs where snakes are concerned? Well, let’s dive into it!
Wildlife Illinois says, “Both nonvenomous and venomous snakes benefit homeowners and gardeners by eating invertebrates and rodents. They should be left alone so they can provide this important pest service.”
The Wildlife Illinois website indicates there are many species of snakes native to Illinois, but only four of those are venomous, and two of them exist in grievously low numbers.
“The massasauga is listed as state endangered. The timber rattlesnake is listed as state threatened. The cottonmouth is found only in southern Illinois, and the copperhead is found in the southern twothirds of the state,” said Wildlife Illinois.
Of the species which are nonvenomous, it seems that some display similar markings and behaviors as their venomous brethren. Additionally, broad terms are often assigned to cover many species simply because of their natural habitat.
“‘Water moccasin’ is a general term used by the public to refer to all seven species of Illinois’ water snakes. Only one species of watersnake, the cottonmouth, is venomous. In Illinois, it is found no farther north than Carbondale, in the southern part of the state,” according to Wildlife Illinois. There are a few things you can do to avoid unwanted interactions with snakes. Having a basic understanding of their natural habitat is one of the most important, as well as knowing which species of snakes are native to your area. Being able to properly identify them will tell you whether they are venomous or nonvenomous, which can help prevent injury to humans, other animals, and the snakes themselves.
“Clear your yard of fallen logs, trash, and deep leaf litter. Don’t let your dog stick their head in holes, bushes, or tall grasses. Snakes are more active after dark and in warm weather, so keep your dog inside after dusk when you know venomous snakes are in the area. Rattlesnakes and copperheads prefer dryer areas, and water moccasins prefer wet areas,” the American Kennel Club (AKC) advised.
Hiding places aren’t the only things to be mindful about, warns the AKC. “Snakes frequent areas where they can find food. Popular prey for snakes are mice, rats, squirrels, and rabbits, so the more inhospitable your yard is to these animals, the less inviting your yard will be to snakes,” the organization said.
If you do happen to cross paths with a snake, do your best to leave the area without causing further disturbance to it. If your dog is bitten, all sources
state to get your dog to your veterinarian or closest emergency animal hospital with antivenom as soon as possible. More than one source says not to waste time trying to find the snake, as many dogs will run after being bitten, leaving plenty of time for the snake to flee as well. Time is of the essence when the bite is from a venomous snake. “[E]very venomous snakebite is unique. Treat each one as though it were the worst case,” said the AKC.
Where treatments for venomous bites are concerned, the AKC says antivenom and opioid pain medication are the only proven effective treatments. In fact, they make a point to list common myths about other treatments that are known to be ineffective, including using a first aid kit.
“Tourniquet or constriction bandage, sucking out the venom, antihistamines, electric current, ice, NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) to control pain, subcutaneous fluids, antibiotics to prevent infection [and] Rattlesnake Vaccine. … If your dog was bitten by a venomous snake, the only thing you can do is remove the dog’s collar, keep your dog calm, and head to the closest emergency vet that has antivenom.” according to the AKC.
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty of Animals (ASPCA) advises, “If you experience a snake encounter with your pet, make sure to get to the emergency veterinarian and call the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center at (888) 426-4435 right away. Stay safe out there!” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Note from Mom: In the interest of being proactive, it would be a good idea to check with your regular veterinarian to find out if they carry antivenom. If your vet doesn’t carry it, it would be worthwhile to inquire around your area so you already know where to go in case of a snake bite emergency. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ok, back to me! Holy guacamole, Batdog! No wonder Mom is so serious when she talks to me about snakes! That venom stuff seems dangerous to tangle with! I’ll have to be extra vigilant when I’m outside, especially on my late-night patrols!
Well, Mom talked forever, so I’m out of time right now! Mom said she encourages everyone to learn more about snakes here in Southern Illinois by visiting the Wildlife Illinois website, and to read the full information offered by the AKC and the ASPCA, too!
Keep your eyes peeled for those slithery guys and stay safe!
Love, Rufus & Mom
Staff columnist Erica Loos can be reached at
Oh darn, too bad i can’t do my calculus homework!