Live emagazine by Gisela Vargas

Live! ...to make a difference

a magazine designed for the single working mother

Holiday Cheer Celebrating God As Family

Introducing our 2009 Grady McKnight Winner Monica Hopkins!

Thank You!

Special Edition... A Final Tribute to WIP

to all our volunteers & donors!

Final Tribute Edition

Insight From The Publisher To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Ecclesiates 3:1 (emphasis added) The quote above is one of my favorite scriptures, it reminds me to seek the purpose or meaning behind every situation in my life. Whether it be the people I meet, the title I hold at my company, the activities in which I partake, or the life stages of my child; nothing has occurred by chance. Each choice and decision continually guides me toward the purpose that God has given me. We have made a decision to discontinue “Live!” Although I am saddened by its end, it is bittersweet. I believe we have touched many lives over the past four years. We have shared insight, thoughts and wisdom of many women through various articles. Hopefully, we have shared some small nugget to allow someone, somewhere, to change a habit, forgive, encourage or even share with another. Jesus’ season ended on earth as a result of his purpose being fulfilled. During this holiday season, you can reflect on the imprint of Jesus’ love. Although Christmas Day is symbolic of his birthday, we celebrate his sacrifice for our sins. We will forever live because of his obedience. Live! was created to motivate, inform and elevate it’s readers. It was designed to encourage others to “Live to make a difference!” to emulate the essence of Women Identity Purpose (WIP). As a tribute to our final issue, I have chosen to include various articles from our past issues which had great impact on you, our readers. I believe the willingness of the women to open up and share their victory through Jesus, gave others encouragement during their challenging times. Just as Jesus fulfilled his purpose, “Live!” has also served its purpose and its season has come to an end. I believe some of our readers have progressed in areas of their lives because of it. I know that reading the words of inspiration from Shyara Myles’ article, Learning to Love Yourself Better, reiterating the importance of resting in Jesus, definitely encouraged me to spend more quiet time with God. I want to thank all of our readers, writers, editors, and designers; together we have fulfilled purpose! Peace and Blessings! Cynthia “CJ” Jones Founder, Women Identity Purpose Organization Publisher, Live! Magazine

Live! ...to make a difference

Publisher/Managing Editor: Cynthia L. Jones

Final Tribute to our Editors: Tennille Thomas M. Antoinette Walker

Final Tribute to All Contributing Writers: Maria Azurdia Diana Bejarano Carla Curtis Holly Ferguson Monica Lloyd Wendy Muhammed Dorene Powell Ceanethia Rogers Duong Sheehan ( Columnist) Christie Spudowski Katrice Stewart Talayah Stovall (Columnist) Derrick Williams

Teen/Young Adult Writers: Erin Alli Meredith Anderson Letia Gathright Ebony Green Chris Holifield Tatiana McKinney Jessica Shaw Shannen Shine Janelle Stokes Jessica Washington Briana Woods

Creative Design: Jamie Benzon Gisela Vargas

Table of Contents 2

Insight from the Publisher…

Purpose:

5 7 8 9 10 15

Introducing Our 2009 Grady McKnight Award Winner ...Monica Hopkins

The Courage to Be Me ...Katrice Stewart

Things We Don’t Want to Talk About ...Meredith Anderson

Finding Your Calling ...Diana Bejarano

I Tried to Do It My Way ...CJ Jones

Priceless Single Mama ...CJ Jones

Healing:

16 19 20 24 25 26

Devalued on A Silver Platter ...Holly Ferguson

I’m Worth a Lot ...Anonymous

Breaking the Cycle of Violence ...Maria Azurdia

We Wear the Mask ...Jannelle Stokes

It’s Not Just in Your Head ...Letia Gathright

A Letter to My Sisters In the Lord ...Anonymous

Resillience:

28 29 30 31

Super Dads ...CJ Jones

The Father

...Ceanethia Rogers

The Ride of a Lifetime ...Briana Woods

Two Bears and a Cub ...Derrick Williams

Faith:

32 34 35 37

Home Economics ...Doung Sheahan

Fear: The Enemy of Your Faith ...Doung Sheahan

But God Said... ...Ceneathia Rogers

Tearing Down the Walls ...Briana Woods

Holiday Cheer:

38 40 41 42 46

Visioning Your Future ...Relate with Talayah G Stovall

Live! Christmas Story ...Meredith Anderson

This Special Day ...Shannen Shine

Celebrating God As Family ...Holly K. Ferguson

Thank You From WIP!

...Thanks to all our volunteers & donors

WIP Update Help Us Help Others!

Your contribution will make a difference...! According to the Census Stats, single mothers make up 59% of the U.S. Households. Even if a parent with one child works full-time at the federal minimum wage, which has not been raised since 1997, the family still lives in poverty. According to the Children Defense Fund, more than seven out of every ten poor children live in a family with at least one employed relative. The mission of Women Identity Purpose is to ensure every working single mother an opportunity to become equipped with the necessary tools to operate in her purpose. And, enable her to make a positive contribution to her family, community and the world in which she lives. Our GradyMcKnight Awards will help them do so, http://www.womenidentitypurpose.org/grants_details.php. Your financial support is absolutely essential to the ongoing success of Women Identity Purpose. The Grady-McKnight Awards enable us to economically empower the working single mother. Any gift, however large or small, makes a substantial difference! Donate Online Now! Make quick and secure online donations by clicking here: http://www.womenidentitypurpose.org/donation.php Donations to Women Identity Purpose, a 501(c)(3) private, nonprofit charity, are tax deductible to the extent allowed by law. WIP tax ID number is: 26-0129570. OR Donate by Mail If you prefer to mail your donation, please send to the following address:

Headquarter Office: P.O. Box 439485 Chicago, IL 60643

Make Checks payable to â&#x20AC;&#x153;Women Identity Purposeâ&#x20AC;? (tax deductible). If you have questions or need additional assistance contact us: contact@womenidentitypurpose.org

Introducing our

2009 Grady McKnight Award winnerâ&#x20AC;Ś. Monica Hopkins!

onica Hopkins, is not only a hardworking mother of two beautiful daughters, but an extremely tenacious and focused individual.

onica resides in Memphis, TN and completed high school at 16 years old ready to conquer the world!

However, experiencing an unexpected pregnancy at 19 years of age, deterred her progress, but didn’t stop her from continuing to press toward her goal of completing college. Today, at 27 years old, Monica is in her last year of college, completing her International Business degree. She has learned to converse in Spanish during her customer service position at FedEx and is currently learning to speak Japanese. Monica applied for the Grady McKnight award to financially assist her with an opportunity to experience another culture and expand her career options.

Read Monica’s essay to learn more about our Special Winner! Monica’s Grady McKnight Award Essay

I am looking forward to providing students with another language of choice. If I do not become a teacher, then I would like to work with immigrants entering the U.S., or become an Adjudication Office for refugees entering the U.S. My diverse background of study will help me become well suited for either career. With your help, I will be able to focus on my studies and

My name is Monica Hopkins and I am a single mother of two.

my children, without worrying about my financial situation.

I am currently a student at the University of Memphis and

This will help me get the most out of my experience and pass it

my major is International Studies and Japanese, with a minor

along to others who may believe this type of accomplishment

in Spanish. It is very important to have financial funding for

is not possible. I hope my educational goals are of interest to

college as it is the very thing that deters many women from

you and a helpful hand will be extended to me.

obtaining or pursuing a college education. Since I adore helping people, I always encourage them to apply for grants,

My passion for education and knowledge will be passed

scholarships and low interest loans. This is to let them know

along to my children and others through teaching, so they

that college is not an unreachable goal, even with small

may understand the need for education, literacy and the

children. The one question I am asked the most is, “Where are

understanding of different and diverse cultures. I am grateful

your children when you are in class?” One thing I have found

for the opportunity you have provided and ask you to please

to be extremely helpful is online classes. Many people do not

consider me as a possible candidate for your scholarship.

know about this option. There is an option for taking your children to the on-campus daycare, which is convenient. With my degree, I will be able to teach Japanese in school. The schools are encouraging students to learn Spanish or French, (which are both exceptional languages), but we have Asian

Update on Monica’ Japanese Educational Studies:

immigrants entering the U.S. everyday as well. I believe it is important to be connected with the world and because of this, I chose the International Studies major. My International Studies are giving me a concrete background in history and an understanding of many other countries. The question I ask people is this, “How can you understand a person, if you do not understand where they are from, or the cultural differences?” A cultural understanding can eliminate many misinterpretations, rumors and conflicts and can bring about friendlier relationship between countries. Because of my motivation for cultural understanding, I am going to Japan this October for six months. This will help me to improve my Japanese and learn more about the Japanese culture. I will spend four hours a day listening, speaking, writing and reading, all in Japanese. The school will reserve the weekends for cultural expeditions.

Monica is currently in Japan experiencing their culture. Their collegiate environment is very different than the environment in which she is accustomed at the University of Memphis. The living quarters are much smaller and there is little time for play. Monica shares, “ The food is different, but I can always go to McDonalds for a burger! Also, I talk to my mom and her co-workers everyday to share my excitement about the new phrases and words in which I learn!”

E OS

October 2007

PUR

THE COURAGE TO BE ME

myself to fall into the trap of people pleasing. It is interesting how you can crave attention and acceptance so much that you find yourself compromising who you are to feed an emptiness that no person can fill. You begin to convince yourself and everyone around you that the manner in which you are operating is who you really are. One of the hardest things about deciding to be you is facing the people who you’ve pleased for so long and have grown to know you as that

always be people that come along to try to place a burden on you, to try to create who it is they want you to be. The courage to be you is about accepting where you are in this very moment, (no matter how it may disappoint others) and moving on from that point to create who it is you want to be. The courage to be you is about having integrity to be honest with yourself because at the end of the day you spend all of your time with the person who stares back at you in

person. It can be the most rewarding thing when you have the courage to stand up for who you really are. You then begin to find out how strong you are but also who your friends are.

the mirror. Is what stares back at you your truth? I pray that from this very moment you will begin to stand up and have the courage to be you. The you who God called.

The courage to be me is about realizing that it is 100% impossible to make everyone admire you.. It is about knowing that I am not responsible for someone else’s happiness or unhappiness for that matter. It is unequivocally knowing there will

This is my courage to be me; will you have the courage to be you?

This past year was more difficult than any other. There were several transitions, some welcomed and some unexpected painful ones, which caused me to question and redefine who I am and what I wanted. What does this have to do with The Courage to Be Me? Everything! Because of this I realized how important it is to build who you are on the proper foundation; otherwise it will crumble underneath you. The courage to be me is being truthful and not writing a superficial article just for the sake of having words on a paper. The courage to be me is about being honest with me and the readers of this magazine. The courage to be me is about finding who the real me is and never allowing anyone or anything to create that definition for me again. For far too long I said and did what everyone expected of me. I allowed

If I had been asked to write on this topic a year ago, I probably would have started out with a statement like this, “I am a Christian, woman, sister, aunt, student, etc.” There is nothing wrong with these things, however for me it is surface only. These are all very true statements; they are also however only the roles in which I operate. Knowing this about a person doesn’t necessarily give you a fair look into the life of who a person is, only what they do.

-Katrice Stewart

September-October 2008

Things We Don’t Want To Talk About

ho are those girls that we all secretly envy when we know we shouldn’t? They are not the girls we all love to hate, but the ones who seem to have it all together and deserve it. You know, the one’s who get the good grades, because they study. The one’s who are motivated, because they have a goal. The one’s who are poised, because they have an innate confidence. You can’t resent them, for they seem to not notice that they somehow always come out on top. When we all stand, shrouded in plastic, boasting our high school colors, staged to take on the world, it is those girls who suddenly stand out. We all just know, they will, “make it.” “It.” That word. Those girls are the ones who will strive and strive for the enigmatic “it.” In the subtle humanity of their gentle spirits, great secrets of self doubt are cluttered by trophies of everything from pre-school contests to college scholarships. In late night dorm rooms with a cup of soothing herbal tea, on study breaks from grueling classes, the first desperate cries for inner peace begin to unravel the history of perfection.

Meredith Anderson

The most tortured of souls emerge from these study breaks. Studying that will propel them beyond their peers on paper. Paper that couldn’t possibly encompass the complicated struggle that haunts the thoughts of the prepared, driven, and lovely. Olivia’s infectious laugh and willing enthusiasm draws you in. Her thick caramel hair frames her child like blue eyes. You can tell she carefully pieces together what she says and naturally deters attention from herself. Pinning her down according to her circle of friends proves impossible as she seems to draw from all kinds. Getting her alone is next to impossible as she always asks to bring someone new that might be in need of a friend. A spur of the moment tea time to catch up after Christmas break turns into the most revealing soul searching I have witnessed. To my shock she bashfully exposes her ongoing war against her body. It is unlike any I have seen, it is so carefully hidden. She is not motivated by a desire for attention, rebellion or to

fit in. She admits, she doesn’t have a reason. She is searching aimlessly for the root of her drive to lose weight. Years have compounded this empty feeling of inadequacy. The most startling revelation, “I have never told anyone this.” This, this battle for survival began for her nearly five years ago, when her body began to change, has not once been allowed into our human world of expression. Not once. What does this mean? She questions it all, silently. How does it fit? How much did I eat? How does it look? What number does it say? I LOOK FAT. This thought will echo in her mind nearly every hour of every day. Why does no one know? No one believes her. She has actively pursued reformation of her mind but who has

reached out to help? No one. How would anyone know? Outwardly she is the one who is envied, while the jealousy within herself eats her alive. This made me wonder. How many women go through their lives without truly knowing the peers they look up to? There are so many friends, acquaintances, classmates, and friends of friends I hate to love because I wish could have that something that makes them stand out effortlessly. How many have secrets that they don’t know how to talk about because they don’t think anyone will believe them. How many secrets do I harbor because I don’t feel I have the right to say, ‘I can’t help myself?’

October 2007

Inspiration with Diana

Finding your calling… Diana B. Medina

As we get older, oftentimes we “settle” or “give up” on dreams that we had when we were younger. Why?

s it that life takes its toll on us and we see how hard it can really be? Maybe sometimes we lose faith and give up? Or is it that someone verbally or non-verbally says to us, “we can’t do it?” In today’s society, many have given up on their dreams. Especially as they get older and the proverbial “reality” begins to set in. You begin to realize that there are limits to what you can do. But are there really limits? Do we sometimes create them first in our minds and allow them to stop us from dreaming or achieving what we’re really created to do. Have you seriously asked yourself, “What was I created to do? Why am I here on this planet?” I believe that each of us have a purpose or calling. What is yours? Do you know yet? Are you living it? Are you in your vocation?

The dictionary says that the word vocation means:

1. A regular occupation, especially one for which a person is particularly suited or qualified.

2. An inclination, as if in response to

a summons, to undertake a certain kind of work, especially a religious career; a calling. If we want to be happier and more passionate about our lives and our jobs; we should take the time to seek and find our calling, our purpose, or our vocation. I wonder, how many of us are truly living in our vocation right now... Stop for a minute and think; are you fulfilling your calling on this earth? Maybe you are a mother, which is a high calling. You may feel that being the best mother you can be is your main calling. Maybe you are a counselor and you know this is your vocation, because you find passion in helping others. Or you may work at a job and really don’t know if this is your calling, or certain that it’s not.! That’s okay…we are all at different places in our lives. However, at any given moment,we can continue to seek out and find our passion, our vocation, our calling. We must assess and take inventory about ourselves. Ask yourself, “what am I good at? What do I love to do? Do I like working alone or with people? Do I like to work outside or inside of a building. What more can I do to find my calling?”

Many times, I’ve asked others, “what do you think I’m good at?” Most everyone response is that I’m a good communicator. Now that I’ve found the one thing I’m good at and passionate about; I uplift and help others through communication (verbally or nonverbally). Now it’s up to me to figure out the best way to communicate and use my communication skills (or my gifting, as I like to call it) for the greater good. That is one reason why I write this column each month, because I believe that itis part of my calling. You are special -- you have gifts and talents that God deposited inside of you. You are worth seeking and finding out what your gifts are. We all have something we can offer this world before we leave. Pray about it, seek it out, read books, ask people and begin to live in your passion and purpose.

I promise you will not regret it!

Kelly Chapman

April 2008

“I tried to do it my way!” The Aftermath of Raging Storms This story is about two women from different cities, backgrounds and lifestyles, but who speak the same language when it comes to survival. Both have successful careers, but have struggled in their personal lives for contentment. Please join me as I share the stories of Cohronda Bolton and Kelly Chapman and their victory toward obtaining inner peace through adversity. As I interviewed these women, I began to see a common theme. Both have achieved high levels of career success, while their personal lives were a wreck. As most women, they desired the “American Dream”; the home with the white picket fence, two car garage, husband, children and love which conquers all. However, with all their career accolades and their achievements in the external, they were dying within because the love they deserved from that special someone had not materialized.

Kelly

so desired to be married. She had a child at the age of 22, but didn’t marry the father. However, she had great hope that God would bless her with a husband. She not only desired a father for her child, but true companionship. She dated various men enduring abuse while hoping for her ideal mate. Kelly stated, “I was on a mission to find this man, we are going to make it together.” As she grew older, it appeared she had it all together. She had become a successful national gospel recording artist, author and speaker, but no one knew of the pain that she suffered. Kelly would learn the true definition of success did not lie in acquiring diamonds and pearls, “I have five

fur coats in the closet, when I am going through something I can touch the hems of the coats and none of them have the power to heal my pain.” Still unable to reach her goal of being married, Kelly didn’t learn the true value of contentment until her mid-thirties. A turning point occurred in her life that changed her focus, forever.

Cohronda

Determined and focused, started on her ideal path to life. She received a scholarship to the University of Tulsa pursuing a degree in Petroleum Engineering. After attending the school and finding out she would have to live on an oil rig nine months of the year, she decided against completing the program. Her parents were not in agreement and clearly communicated she would not have any financial support if she left. After attending one class in physical therapy, Cohronda believed this would be her career focus. Contrary to her parent’s words of warning, she made a bold decision and applied to an HBCU, Tennessee State University. Against the slim odds of being accepted in the prestigious program’s therapy school, which only selects 35 students each year, Cohronda was accepted, sealing her fate of being a physical thera-

Cohronda Bolton & Daughters

pist. She attended and completed the rigorous fast-paced program. Upon graduation, she obtained a position at Arlington Development Center. After two years Cohronda decided to work for herself. This was the turning point to running a million dollar business. However, becoming a successful entrepreneur would not dictate the success of her marriage.

They did it their way… Both women tried to live life their way without heeding the warnings they believed God had placed in their lives when it came to dating. Cohronda dated and married her husband, even when there were signals that it may not have worked. She had a baby before marrying him and believed it would be best if the family were together. Being a product of a two parent household, Cohronda was determined to make her marriage work. Cohronda’s decision to become an entrepreneur fueled her desire of that perfect dream. She was married, had a baby and now she would make the money to assist her family in being financially stable. Within three years of becoming a licensed physical therapist, she went from making $59,700 as a contracted physical therapist to hire her first independent contractor and earn more than two times her previous salary. Cohronda’s business grew because of her esteemed reputation as a physical therapist. People began to ask if she knew of other physical therapists due to the large demand for her services. Independence Incorporated, Cohronda’s successful business, is now one of the leading physical therapy service providers in Memphis, TN and has expanded its business to the Atlanta, Charlotte and Dallas markets. The corporation’s annual sales revenue for 2007 was three million dollars. Through all of Cohronda’s career success, her marriage floundered. The more she tried to save her marriage, the more her husband offended her emotionally and financially. He cheated and lied to her. Cohronda shared, “I kept saying, I was going to fix it! If I could just dig in deeper… foolishness!” Cohronda thought that by keeping her family together, she was providing structure and solace to her two girls. She soon realized that her own FEAR was allowing her to lie to herself. Although Kelly grew up in a single parent household, she dreamed of having that perfect marriage. When she became a single parent, she still believed that she would find a mate that would complete her family picture. As time passed and her daughter, Natalie grew older, Kelly assumed the role of mother and father. Although Natalie’s dad was a wonderful man, he lived in Washington D.C. He actively participates at a distance as much as possible,

but at the end of the day; Kelly is ultimately responsible for the day-to-day issues of raising her daughter. Kelly had to often work different jobs as she developed her singing career. Many times Kelly had to rely on others to watch Natalie. As Kelly’s singing career developed, she worked a “9to5” during the week and promoted her singing career on the weekends. During those times, Kelly had to learn to trust God for those caring for her daughter. Kelly’s career began to prosper. She began to travel the world singing. Although Kelly’s life appeared to be going on an upswing to others, only in the last few years has she experienced complete peace. She was having a difficult time understanding the reasons for not being married. After all, God did answer most of her other prayers. Then one day after going through some relationship trials, she found herself balled up in a state of depression, “I had nothing left but to lean on Him. Psalm 40, I love this scripture…God put a new song in my mouth. I played a song by Commission, Running Back to You, over and over…..God picked me up!” At that moment, Kelly began to understand the reason for her severe internal emotional pain.

Finishing the course with Him… Both women seemed to experience an epiphany about the way they made decisions. They finally understood they were making their lives difficult by not following their inner voice; God. As Cohronda endured misery in her marriage and believed her husband was going to change, the more pain she experienced and exposed to her children. She suffered in silence, not even her mother knew of her problems. Her fear of dissolving the marriage was leading to her destruction. The more complacent she became in her dysfunctional marriage, the more she felt herself being removed from God’s presence. Her husband was leading a double life and had clearly demonstrated his unfaithfulness and lack of love for her. Although she was a strong woman of faith, she felt herself losing it mentally and emotionally. Knowing her children needed her motherly care, she faced the truth; staying married was no longer healthy for anyone involved. She had to let it go. When Cohronda made a decision to let go of a man she loved dearly, the pain was great. She stated, “It was like taking a butter knife and cutting off your arm.” But she knew her decision was for the best. It was the best decision she could have made and God gave her the strength to do it. She saw a marked change in her children when the divorce was final and her husband was no longer living in her home. In the past, when she was upset and cried, they would hover. Since she has become stronger, she notices her children

enjoying themselves more. Cohronda believes that the storm she went through with her ex-husband allowed her to stretch her faith, it taught her unconditional love. Kelly focused on having a husband so much, that she almost missed the great plans that God had for her. As God ministered to Kelly that day through the Commission soundtrack, her spiritual eyes began to open wide. She reflected on her life and her inner pain and began to feel peace and understand the root of her dating problems. She realized that in the midst of her loneliness she accepted substandard behavior from the men she dated. She then understood it was not about her plans, but God’s plans. Most of her adult life, she searched for someone to hold her, to cherish her, to make her complete. She realized that someone was already in her life, God completed her and he made her whole. God has given Kelly everything she needed to raise her child and satisfy her own needs until that special man enters her life. Natalie is currently 17 years old and Kelly describes her as a “good child”. Kelly states, “knowing to this day that I have traveled and God has created this wonderful child, not a perfect child, but a wonderful child. I have learned to trust my child and trust God”. As God released peace to Natalie, the lyrics for Kelly’s cd, “Real” began to formulate. She believes that all of her heartache went into writing the lyrics of these songs releasing her inner joy. One of the songs on the soundtrack, “Heal Me”, was featured as the theme song during BET’s documentary on Hurricane Katrina. This song was meant to be an interlude on her “Real” soundtrack, but Kelly believes that because this song brought her alive spiritually, its impact on others has been the same. Kelly later wrote a book to accompany the musical release. She found that many women wanted to hear the story behind the songs. It is called, “Real: The truth about being single with Kelly Chapman.” Since that one special day when she learned to truly turn everything over to God, Kelly realizes that it was time for her to be content, not satisfied, but content with being single. “I choose to be content today, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be married…I choose to finish my course with joy, whatever it may be.”

A New Attitude…. Through their raging storms, Cohronda and Kelly have been shaped and molded to daily pour into other women’s lives who desire healing. Their mindsets have changed in their decision making process. Cohronda confesses that she will not make any decisions without God. She believes it is her responsibility to raise whole, responsible God-fearing children who learn to love unconditionally. As she teaches her daughters to be unselfish

and love their family, they will impact future generations. Cohronda states, “Generations could live off of love!” She also takes joy in helping others become successful and enjoying her own life. Cohronda provides her employees with opportunities to take advantage of pre-paid tennis, skiing and golfing opportunities. Never having a business mentor, she makes herself available to answer any questions of other aspiring leaders to assist them in avoiding some of the mistakes that she encountered. Through God teaching Cohronda to love herself, she can fulfill her desire to spread love and joy to others. Kelly truly believes that without God in her life she could have not made it, “God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts, His ways not like ours… with all that life can throw at you; your foundation must be kept solid with Him to withstand any tornadoes in your life. I even view my work different. It is all about Him.” Being uniquely transparent, Kelly is asked to speak at many venues throughout the United States to bring healing to other women. She also performs nationally as well as internationally to minister healing in song. Kelly funds a grant to assist individuals with mental illness in the local Cleveland area. The grant was implemented in honor of her mother, Wilma Chapman, who struggled with mental illness throughout her life.

Final words of Inspiration for our readers… Cohronda: “Seek His face first…Look for Him, before you say or do! If you need resolve, don’t lean to your own understanding. You need to make sure you’re doing what God wants you to do, not what you want to do!” Kelly: “Just know that in the midst of everything, don’t give up hope, or heart because God really does care for you! There were times that I didn’t know how my daughter and I would eat, but God placed it on someone’s heart to give me the $20 that I so desperately needed. He can protect you and send favor, if you just trust Him. Also, I did things in desperation in the past, learn to pray and wait. God will give you patience.” Are you searching for a Physical Therapist in the Atlanta, Charlotte,Dallas or Memphis area? Visit Independence Inc., http://www.itherapy.biz/contact.html and to be assisted by Cohronda Bolton’s team of licensed therapists. To obtain Kelly Chapman’s musical or written releases, Real and Real: The truth about being single with Kelly Chapman or to schedule for speaking engagements visit: http://www.kellychapman.net/.

June 2009

RICELESS – Single Mama “CJ” Jones

ften misunderstood for your strength, tenacity and “strong iron will” by your peers in the workplace, you are admired by your children as the glue that holds it all together. Yes, Single Mama, you are loved for your “sacrificial, never quit, got to have it” attitude. Your job is never ending; working woman in the day, mama and daddy at night. Long hours, little recognition, but a job most deserving. God is your inspiration, your children your motivation. Many days you want to throw the towel in. You didn’t ask for this life. You often think, “Where did it all go wrong?” But no matter how hard it gets, you are a fighter, you were taught quitters can’t win for long.

You become most creative when you have to make a meal out of a morsel, make a dollar last until the next pay period and find a way to tell your small child daddy loves them “right” even when they haven’t seen him for many a night. Your children see you as their rock and solid ground. You exemplify peace and consistency to them in a world of change all around. You are their protector, encourager and biggest fan. You teach them to believe in themselves, no matter what, they can. Your days are busy. Vacations are times spent with ill children, your social life is null to none, however, you very seldom are you seen shedding a tear. Tucked deep away are your pain, hurts and fears. You appear strong on the outside, flawlessly holding it all together. Only with God, you

stay sane enough to go on, to press forward. Determined to provide your babies a better path in life, you put your dreams on the backburner for their advancement. Sometimes you daydream of a different life and all you could have done, if only if….then you remember, you are a mom, a right now mama who is needed to motivate and cultivate. Single Mama, don’t ever underestimate your value. Your imprint is huge, your love is special. Many a great woman and man share your legacy. Your children will one day grow up and share their appreciation with you, and if they don’t just remember, you are a PRICELESS Single MaMa. This is dedicated to the late Marlene Grady, my single mother.

September-October 2008

IN L A E

Devalued on a Silver Platter:

the process. Women are special in a sense that without them, bearing a child would not be possible. In fact, in order for Jesus to enter the world, he had to he be born through a woman. Although he could have come in any form, God used a woman to birth him into existence. As a result, women are valuable to God; hence, they should be just as valuable to others.

How do trends devalue a woman’s worth?

What Happened to a Woman’s Worth? Scenario:

While dining at a five-star restaurant, one would expect the food to be of high quality. The house special ordered for the evening happens to be filet mignon. The server is prepped with class, and a touch of charm that would make any woman’s heart melt. The atmosphere is sprinkled in elegance, which makes the start of the night just right. The food finally arrives; however, the presentation of the meal creates an unexpected end for the couple’s romantic evening together. The filet mignon is served with garlic budded mashed potatoes and tasty steamed vegetables over a bed of cow manure that is topped with the chef ’s secret orange sauce. The husband immediately questions, “Is this a joke?” Unfortunately, the server’s reply is an echoing, “No.” The couple storms out in anger without even asking for the chef or the owner of the establishment. Women have been devalued similarly in nature to the house special in the described scenario. Socioeconomic trends continue to be the root of the problems we currently see in households. Certain fashion trends have led women to the attempts of measuring up to standards set forth by others, while devaluing themselves in

Fashions, trends, or fads are not successful, if society rejects them. In the 1980’s, changes in secular music were adopted into the mainstream media, radio stations, and homes worldwide. A new wave of music known as rap and hip-hop changed the way society would view women of this nation in the years ahead. As this music began to degrade women, consumers who purchased these materials subliminally supported worldviews and values that sexually exploited women. America created awards shows to ceremonially reward those persons ultimately responsible for producing such degrading materials. Being compared to and treated as worthless creatures, women were eventually labeled with names such as “tricks”, “hoes”, and the later adopted “chicken heads.” Unfortunately for many, the power of the tongue classed all women with these undignified identifiers, heard in sexually explicit lyrics or videos. Rather than removing them from the shelves, the music industry put an advisory statement labeled – “Parental Discretion Advised.” Since the Bible tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Ref. Proverbs 18:21), the socioeconomic trend of demeaning women has mortified a woman’s god-given worth.

Why has a woman lost her value in society?

Tracing as far back as the late 1700s, the suffrage of women has been a historical account that ultimately affected the way women are now treated with respect in areas of working, voting, or holding offices - just to name a few. As women bonded together in the early 1800s to fight for their rights, changes were implemented abroad. As a result, women formed allies with government heads, which resultantly led to the ratification of the Nineteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution in the 1920’s. During that time, women efforts were successful because they were unified in their attempts to gain equality in a society that devalued them. One of the primary reasons women have lost their value in this society because they have not been unified as a nation. In fact, it is rare to even see women supporting one another. This is not to imply that women do not have friends that support them. However, it appears that our society has more handmaids giving birth than wives (Genesis 16-21). One of socioeconomic factors that devalue women is the evolutional trend of women having children out of wedlock. This factor causes division, especially to women

who share parenthood with a man who has also fathered children with other women. Rather than forming bonds or connections with the other mothers for the sake of the children, women have allowed jealousy and envy to affect the levels of respect shown toward one another. In seeing this animosity among women, the world has mocked this behavior through music and television, causing major division in nations across the globe.

How can women reclaim their respect in a corrupt world? Jesus used love to draw sinners. Similarly, women must do the same in order to gain favor with those who have been demoralized. It starts with love and it’s going to take women to get the job done. The world is corrupt and tainted by immoral acts that go against the commandments of God. If a dominated nation is divided, so shall be the rest of the people that follow. Conversely, the answer to removing disrespect of the woman is for women to unite once again. If women are going to accept and support media reports, music, or fads that further lower their

worth, they will continue to be viewed as worthless. Rather than glorifying corrupt behaviors through music, choose music that edifies one another such as Christian or gospel music. Work on gaining the respect of the other mothers who have children by the same man. This is not difficult if your heart is right. Start out by praying for that mother and her children daily. Likewise, pray for you to be delivered from the spirits of envy and rebellion. God will see your heart and remove the hardness from both of your hearts in time. I had to do the same thing; therefore, I know God will hear and answer your prayer too, if you humbly go to him with a sincere heart. As a result of God’s will for me to reach out when the world spoke against it, the other mother and I became good friends. We must strive to be different in an evil world – remain set apart.

What will happen if we do nothing? If we do nothing, women will no longer be viewed as a good thing (Ref. Proverbs 18:22). Rather than men finding acceptance in taking a wife, he would be satisfied with opting out of a

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.â&#x20AC;?

Revelation 21:3

A Ministry for Women & Young Ladies Instilling

Value, Integrity, Righteousness, Truth, Uniqueness, & Excellence (V.I.R.T.U.E.) P. O. Box 751251 Memphis, TN 38175 www.befoundvirtuous.com PH: (901) 356.7698 FX: (901) 362.3743

Mrs. Qualice T. Seymour Ministry Director

October 2007

A little laughter… is good for the soul! I(Anonymous AMwriter) WORTH A LOT In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question “What kind of man are you looking for?” She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, “Do you really want to know?” Reluctantly, he said, “Yes.” She began to expound... “As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can’t do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, “What can you bring to the table?” The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, “I am not referring to money, I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life. He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She said, “I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.” I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, “You are asking a lot. She replied,

“I’m worth a lot.”

October 2007

Breaking a Cycle of Violence By Maria Azurdia

Intimate Partner Violence has been a controversial issue and debate across not only the United States, but the world. It is a problem that crosses all boundaries, be them of race, income or social standing, culture, ethnicity, education, and religion, from both the victim and the perpetrator. It is a serious problem that affects all levels of society. According to the US Department of Justice, July 2000 research report on the Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, intimate partner violence can be defined as “rape, physical assault, and stalking perpetrated by current and former dates, spouses and cohabiting partners, with cohabiting meaning living together at least some of the time as a couple.” Of the three, the most common or most prevailing form of victimization is physical assault with an annual rate of physical abuse against women per 1,000 persons being at 44.2%. To this, evidence suggests that less than one-half of all incidents against women by intimates are ever reported. Furthermore, according to a 1993 Commonwealth Fund news release, 92% of women who were physically abused by their partners did not discuss these incidents with their physicians and 57% did not discuss the incidents with anyone. The reason as to why many abused women do not report the abuse to criminal authorities is due to a fear of reprisal from their offender. Their perception of social stigma attached to victimization and a belief that nothing may be accomplished in making a report, the length of the relationship (the longer they’ve been with an abusive partner, the less likely that they’ll be reported), and income level

of the victimized women (low-income women often refuse to seek help from police if this could lead to their partner’s loss of employment due to arrest, and so risking her ability to care for her family), all discourage victims from seeking help. Intimate Partner Violence is so widespread around this country and the world that everyone should know how one becomes a victim and the other the perpetrator. There is a well known and accepted theory of a cycle of violence that in most cases foresees and gives birth to an ongoing succession of domestic abuse. This cycle consists of three stages that moves from stage three back to stage one and repeats itself with more intensity again and again. The stages of The

Cycle of Violence as listed in www. newbeginningsnh.org/cycleviolence. html are as follows:

Stage 1: Tension Building: This stage differs with each case and so the length of this phase may be days or weeks, and the severity varies. It begins with an increase in aggressive behavior, usually toward objects rather than a partner i.e. punching doors, throwing objects, etc. This aggression may be due to external or internal factors the abuser may be going through. The aggressiveness moves from objects to partner, with an

increase in verbal abuse. The victim/ partner begins to alter his/her behavior to try and stop the verbal abuse i.e. keeping the house cleaner, the children quieter, staying home more often. However, the verbal, emotional and or physical abuse continues to escalate. From here, the abuser may become obsessively jealous and possessive and try to control most of the partner’s behavior and time and so begins to isolate her from friends and family.

Stage 1: The Victim

The victim/partner may withdraw and feel responsible for the abuse believing that nothing he/she does is good enough for the abuser. The victim may feel powerless to stop the next beating or violent verbal explosion, as well as angry because the abuser doesn’t trust him/her.

seek ways to physically leave the abuser and give the relationship a healthy break to help protect their relationship from building up to the next stage. If the victim is planning on temporarily or permanently moving from state, victims should call the National Domestic Violence Hot Line by calling 1-800-7997233 so that they may be guided to a domestic violence crisis center in the state they live or wish to relocate. Victims may also call their local crisis center for information on developing a safety plan so they can leave an abusive relationship with the greatest possible safety. This is the time to seek God’s wisdom and strength to help both the abuser and the abused, whether either wishes to restore the love relationship to a healthy, stable, and caring level.

Stage 1: The Abuser

The abuser for some reason (s) feels hurt, frustrated, disappointed and insecure. He feels powerless in his own home and believes that his partner should make him feel better. He blames others for feeling miserable and may start drinking or drink more to reduce tension.

Stage 2: The Victim

The victim/partner experiences a series of emotions. She feels terrified, ashamed, humiliated, degraded, shocked, angry, and wrongly blames herself for the violence. At this stage, the victim may be so overwhelmed and frightened by the threat of such violent explosions that she might stimulate the confrontation to get it over and done with. If the latter happens, law enforcement will most likely not enter the picture again.

Stage 2: The Abuser

The abuser in this stage wants to control the victim by putting her down, punishing her and wrongly blaming her for the violence. He feels that he’s solved the problem, and wants to prove control of the situation. The abuser may easily use alcohol in excess and then use it as an excuse for his violent behavior.

Stage 1: Options to help release the tension Both the victim and the abuser should seek help immediately! Victims should speak their mind and try to put an immediate stop to the abuse in the most serene but firm possible way. The abuser should go to counseling and take a break from everyday life with a good close friend or family member who is aware of the abuse to help release any stress or insecurities the abuser may be dealing with himself or his partner at the time. If the victim feels unsafe, she should grow closer to family and friends and

During this stage the abuser makes a conscious choice to use violence; i.e. the abuser decides the place, time and words to say for the outburst of violence he is ready to perpetrate onto his partner. Here, as a result of the emotional and physical abuse, the pent-up stress and tension has been eliminated. After the outburst, the abuser often appears calm and relaxed, even if law enforcement arrives. On the other hand, the victim/partner appears confused, hysterical and/or shocked from the incident.

Stage 2: Consequences © RapidEye | ISTOCKPHOTO.com

Stage 2:

Explosive Stage: A violent release from the build-up tension and stress following any given incident (s) or argument (s) in which law enforcement becomes involved.

The relationship has been critically wounded. The respect, love and trust have been permanently shattered. The chances of this relationship to survive such incident without there being a repeat of it have nearly disappeared. The victim should seek the counsel and protection of law enforcement and support from family and friends.

Stage 3:

the Honeymoon Stage: A renewed sense of hope, and an unconscious belief of the victim that the abuser is not completely a bad person.

This stage is characterized by a calm, non-violent, even loving period of time after the explosive violent episode. Here the abuser may give his

The abuser should be arrested and or taken to crisis counseling to help him learn appropriate methods of dealing with stress and anger. The victim should press charges against her abuser and follow-up on court hearings. To this matter, domestic violence experiments conducted in 2001 by the National Institute of Justice on replications conducted against offenders in six different states revealed that there was “no association between arresting the offender and an increased risk of subsequent aggression against women.” The experiment results also suggested that arrests are associated with a decline in subsequent intimate partner violence against women during a follow-up period of 3 months to 3 years. Hence, a strong reason as to why women that experience abuse that goes into stage 2 of the cycle of violence should press charges. On the other hand, if the abuser does not receive any type of intervention, the violence will undoubtedly continue. The stress and tension will again begin to increase and the violent explosion repeats itself. Both, the victim and the perpetrator should seek God wholeheartedly; the victim so that she can forgive and for the courage and protection to leave the relationship (permanently if necessary); and the abuser so he can sincerely repent and ask for forgiveness and self control so that he may not seek the victim and repeat the incident, but seek help immediately.

partner some hope by taking some responsibility for his behavior and making promises that that’ll never happen again and that he will seek help. He may even give many gifts and begin to act as if nothing happened.

Stage 3: The Victim

At this point the victim wants to escape the abuse but will feel guilty if she leaves the abuser. She wants to believe the promises but feels helpless, depressed and trapped.

Stage 3: The Abuser

The abuser will now feel shame and guilt and fears the victim will leave and/or call the police or seek a court order against him. He may drink to escape his pain and may have fear of his own behavior.

Stage 3: The end result

If there is no intervention at this point, and the relationship continues, there is a high possibility the violence will escalate and the

severity increase. If both the victim and the perpetrator do not seek help by this stage, the victim has put herself (and her children) in a life-threatening abusive relationship that will never end, unless she or the abuser leaves voluntarily or involuntarily. However, at this point in the cycle it has become increasingly dangerous for her to leave since the abuser will most likely try to convince her to come back, either by her own will or by force. It is critical that the victim not allow the abuser or herself to be isolated from her social network (law enforcement, family and friends) since this network could empower her emotionally and financially and help increase her chance of survival and end the cycle once and for all. Overall, once the abuse begins to build up and passes from stage 1 into stage 2, the relationship will have entered the cycle, and from there, it is a difficult cycle to break because of its constant return to the honeymoon stage. If the victim recognizes after stage 2 that she must get out, then, real hope for the victim and her children could arise. Moreover, the effects of the cycle of intimate partner violence go beyond the physical abuse, it starts with emotional/verbal abuse of not only the victim, but the victims’ children, if there are any. Given that the emotional and physical abuse is often perpetrated on children, the cycle of violence and the repeat of the cycle are more likely to be passed on to the children of abused partners. Each year, according to the American Psychological Association’s 1996 report on Violence and the Family, an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members. Furthermore, as quoted in www.newbeginningsnh.

org/effectsonkids.html, “in homes where domestic violence occurs, fear, instability, and confusion replace the love, comfort, and nurturing that children need. These children live in constant fear of physical harm from the person who is supposed to care for and protect them. They may feel guilt at loving the abuser or blame themselves for causing the violence.” Not only that but, “boys who witness family violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than are boys raised in non-violent homes and girls who witness their mother’s abuse have a higher rate of being battered as adults.”

interdependent or integrated support networks, 3) a higher degree of equality or equal access to obtain and control material resources, 4) a lower level of intimacy combined with decreased cultural distance, 5) low centralization of authority and 6) access to nonviolent networks or alternate forms of dispute resolution. Should these six characteristics be in place, then, intimate partner violence will most likely never occur.

two relationships could ever really be the same, similar perhaps, but not the same, leaving the probability that if a partner was abusive in one relationship he/she might not be with his/her new partner, depending on what the new internal and external factors the new partner brings with him/her to the new relationship. Unfortunately, however, some abusers who have never received any

In Conclusion… Given that intimate partner violence is an ongoing ordeal, various theories have emerged in trying to explain the reasons as to why intimate partner violence takes place. Though many theories exist, one that stands out in particular is Joseph H. Michalski’s theory published in June 2004 in the Journal of Violence Against Women. According to Michalski, “although theories of intimate partner violence abound, most only tangentially or indirectly deal with social structure” moreover, none of the theories seem to explain why some male abusers behave violently toward their intimates on some occasions while on other situations and within other social contexts, they’ll refrain from violence. To this matter, Michalski questions “what, then, determines the likelihood of violence occurring?” To this question, he finds the answer in interpersonal relationships. Michalski’s theory, hence, argues that “domestic violence should occur less often if the social relationship can be described as embedded within or having the following characteristics: 1) A low degree of social isolation or a strong support network, 2) mutually

However, the truth of the matter is that almost everybody has experienced, witnessed or known about someone at least once in their lifetime who has had an unhealthy love relationship. Most unhealthy love relationships are caused by either external factors, internal factors, or both. Some external factors may be due to unforeseen or difficult circumstances one or both were facing at the time they met or during a time they were together. Internal factors could include the couple’s overall compatibility in terms of personalities, ambitions, goals, values, beliefs, upbringing and even health or disability issues, family history, sexual matters, and the history of baggage from an ex-lover/partner. Internal and external factors are relative and unique for every love relationship, hence, no

counseling or anger management treatment, given their childhood experiences and or their current emotional and economical situations, will be abusers with whatever partner life crosses into their path. Therefore, it is very important for any women who is currently seeking or in a love relationship to be especially careful in catching the warning signs that come with stage one of the cycle. Once the verbal and emotional abuse starts and progresses with time, any relationship could be at risk of eventually moving up from the tension building stage and well into the explosive stage. Breaking the cycle upon the first hints of any form of abuse, could easily save any given relationship or even save one’s own life.

September-October 2008

We Wear the Mask

Janelle Stokes

(Title extracted from the poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar)

epression affects millions of people worldwide and affects the African American community at a disproportionate and alarming rate. African American men and women are frequently misdiagnosed and left without proper treatment in a society that characteristically relegates them to an inferior status. With combined social, environmental, and cultural factors, black women experience a form of black pain that is debilitating to their bodies and to their families. In a 2006 article published in Essence magazine clinical social worker turned public relations powerhouse, Terrie M. Williams decided to share her struggles with habitual depression that oftentimes left her in bed for days unable to go to work or ask for help. Williams, at the time of the article’s publication date, was afraid of the “social suicide” that this article could create for her thriving career but felt that her story was one that needed to be told due to its ignored state in the black community. Much to Williams and her family, friends, and co-workers surprise, thousands of kind words and testimonials from black women came flooding in. These women appreciated her for sharing her struggles and for giving them the courage to speak up about their own private battles with depression. Williams was later led to compile the book Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting filled with accounts of black pain told from her personal bouts with depression as well as several prolific men and women with forewords from singer Mary J. Blige and editorial director of Essence, Susan L. Taylor. Black women are characteristically known for their strength, wisdom, courage, and ability to hold everything together and appear to be well even when they are falling apart. While Williams admits that these are qualities that she is proud to represent as a “strong black woman”, she wrote Black Pain in an effort to get black women to stop hiding their pain. Williams believes that once men and women get the proper help that they need and deserve the “cycle of silence around mental illness that is hurting and killing so many of us—often through secondary symptoms like drug addiction, suicide, crime, abuse, obesity, and hypertension,” can be broken.

October 2007

It’s not just in your head… The Seriousness of Depression By Letia Gathright We’ve all felt it. Something isn’t quite right. We’re stuck in a rut and trying to figure out what has got us down. “I’ve just been so depressed lately”, we may say to ourselves and others. The question is, when do we go from just feeling down for a few days to a serious condition that affects every aspect of your life? It often isn’t easy to admit to ourselves that we have a problem that we cannot work out on our own. Here is some information that will help all of us look honestly at our lives for our own well-being.

Symptoms When we think of depression, we often think that we would recognize it in ourselves or those close to us. The truth is that many are able to carry on seemingly normal lives, never knowing that help is available. Symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, and overeating may just seem like they are causes by stress from our everyday lives. But when theses symptoms become persistent, we may be looking at something more serious. Other symptoms of depression include: hopelessness, feelings of guilt, difficulty concentrating, restlessness, irritability, and chronic health problems. It is also important to recognize that depression comes in varying degrees.

Types Major depression often includes many of the symptoms listed above, plus others, that might occur a few times throughout your lifetime. Long-term, chronic depression is more common, with often less severe symptoms and can be harder to recognize. This type of depression can seem like a normal state of being but can also have episodes of major depression scattered throughout the life span. While the symptoms are similar for most, the cause of depression varies greatly from person to person.

Causes Depression can be caused by genetics, physical changes and personal self-esteem issues. If there is a family history of depression can predispose a person to problems with depression later on in life. Additionally, traumatic events early on in life that cause insecurity can trigger depressive episode. Because depression has no real identifiable pattern of who it affects, it is easy to say that anyone can be at risk of developing it if they do not watch for the warning signs.

Treatment Options The first step to treating depression is admitting to yourself that something needs to be done. It is best to seek help from a physician for a physical evaluation. Often times just answering some questions during your physical can help you and your doctor recognize if there is a problem. Your doctor may recommend you speak with a mental health professional as a way of working through your feelings and thoughts. Additionally, your doctor may prescribe anti-depressants to help you deal with everyday life and symptoms. Medication, in combination with therapy and changes to one’s personal life are the most critical steps in dealing with a depressive disorder. Depression is reported at a higher rate among women. This makes it even more important for women who take on a great deal in their lives (ie: work, school, family responsibilities) be aware that they must take care of themselves. We can only be the best at what we do if we are make sure our health, both mentally and physically is a priority. For more information: National Institute of Mental Health- Depression http://www.nimh.nih.gov kahanaboy | MORGUEFILE.com

September-October 2008

here comes a time in every woman’s life when she has to take a close look at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is, or at who made you do it. She has to just look at herself...

Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in her life? Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up. Before you make this mistake, take a closer look. A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someone of wisdom, someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have made her stronger. Think of all the great women in the Bible: Mary Magdalene, Ruth and Naomi, the woman with an issue of blood, and Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman. But by the time Jesus was done with her, she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunate in marrying an abusive man, but by the time God was done with her, she had married one of the wealthiest men in the land! Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of trying to hold her up. Before you wonder, ‘ What’s up with her?’ ask yourself, ‘What’s up with me?’ That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could be ME. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death.  Let’s build and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi. Encourage and love, forgive and forget, and trust that the woman that receives this will be touched in some way. God bless you and your family. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made in Him! Know today that you are sincerely loved!

~Anonymous

A Letter To My Sisters In The Lord

C IEN

LL I S RE

June 2008

SUPER DADS

CJ Jones

Fathers are often not given enough credit for the healthy posture of a successful adult. When we hear professional athletes or entertainers talk about their tenacious road to success, they often mention the positive influence of their mothers, but neglect to mention dad. Is it because mom is truly the foundation of success or is it just a perception because society tends to assume the maternal role plays a bigger part? I would like to talk about men who have truly provided effort far and above the average dad because their roles were changed dramatically due to circumstances. These men have raised their children alone without a mother in the home. None of these men chose this path. However, all of them made a decision based on sacrifice to go it alone. Interestingly enough, even in the 2000’s, these men are not often praised as their counterparts for their huge sacrifice, but perceived as “poor” souls who really should have a woman in the home to make things better. Andy (not real name) became a single father of two daughters when his wife was killed in a car accident. His youngest was only two years old. Devastated from losing his college sweetheart, he had to keep everything in perspective for his girls. He quickly learned to adapt to the change and assumed the responsibilities of his wife. It was not easy. Being an educator allowed him to work around the oldest child’s school schedule and some of his close family members assisted with his toddler. After several years, one would say that Andy made his role look seamless. His girls appeared well adjusted and displayed a strong admiration for their dad. Andy made many sacrifices in dating and career choices for his girls. Because he didn’t tout his single father role, many didn’t know. He loves his girls and has provided a normal home environment for them. They live in a middle class neighborhood, attend nice schools and enjoy many of the same privileges as any other girl, cheerleading, singing, etc…, but they have a single dad. Of course, Andy would love for the girls to have a mother figure in the home, but will not settle for just any woman to fill the role. He,

Octavio Lopez Galindo|MORGUEFILE

as many single mothers, prefers to wait for the right woman who would be the best for all involved. For now, he is happy dating every now and then and enjoying his girls as they mature into beautiful women. James’ situation is far different from Andy’s. His wife decided to leave him for another man. She, pregnant with her lover’s child, battled him for the children. She lost the case and James became an unexpected single parent. With the help of his siblings, he has been able to continue working as a contracting electrician. His largest battle has revolved around the emotional needs of his girls. Although his divorce was final two years ago, the girls don’t really understand the full magnitude of the separation. They often miss their mother and desire to see her on a daily basis. Due to the arrangements of the divorce settlement, James’ ex-wife is not allowed to see them daily. James loves his daughters dearly and tries to comfort them as much as possible.

His plight is not much different than a single mother. However, because he is a man, his emotional struggles are often not considered by many. James ideally would like to be married again, but long hours spent working and caring for the girls leaves little time for a social life. Andy, James and many other men like them are considered super dads in my book, not just because of their parental status, but because of their sacrifice and actions. We should also recognize the fathers of children in single mother households who equally take responsibility for their children. They are often given a “bad rap” because of the large proportion of “dead beat” dads who not only divorce the mother, but the children also. The next time you come in contact with a single father who has decided to actively participate in his children’s lives give him your encouragement and applaud him for making a difference in the lives of those around him.

THE FATHER

June 2008

It is amazing how God gives us what we need before we even think that we need it. God’s grace always sustains us. By Ceanethia Rogers I can’t believe that it has been over 8 years since I had to play the most rewarding, yet challenging, roles in my life as both Mommy and Daddy to my little girl, who is now a teenager. It is hard enough to be a mom with all the washing, folding, feeding, bathing, clothing, and teaching; but add on rushing to get to pre-care, rushing to get to after-care, attending the PTAs and all of the many school programs---all solo. I haven’t even mentioned the cost of medical care, school, babysitters, clothes, shoes, and food. To put everything into perspective, I remember a friend of mine saying that “a job is the resource,” but God is the Source. I thought to myself…..WOW! We have all thanked God for all the blessings that He has given us, but to think that HE was still providing His blessings in ways that I did not think of. Here I am thinking that I was being Mom and Dad; and all the time God was being both The Almighty Father and The Dad. When earthly father did not provide; Heavenly Father did. There is no way I was able to do all these things by myself. Emotionally, we were okay, so I thought. We did what all normal, happy families did. Went to book readings at the library, had picnics in the park, went to the carnivals, and to the circus, but one day while eating lunch at a nearby restaurant, the realization that my little girl still needed her dad, the one in the flesh, was when a couple (who appeared

to be the same age as my ex and I) and their little girl sat at the table opposite of ours. They seemed to be filled with so much joy. I noticed my daughter staring at them. So I tried to engross her in small talk about Alladin and The Swan Princess-her favorite fairytales, but she wasn’t interested. I thought that maybe she was looking at the little girl, but I noticed her eyes were fixated on the dad. I pretended like I didn’t notice. Then, out of nowhere she said, “I want to call Dave,” not daddy, not dad, but she called him by his first name. Incredibly, at such a tender age, she was able to separate his role from who he was---for all he had been to her was just “Dave.” I thought that she may have forgotten the request when we arrived home, but she didn’t. I couldn’t even get the key in the door and turn the knob fast enough before she sprinted to the kitchen phone. One by one she dialed the numbers that I taught her to call him. He answered. She told him all of the places that we had been over the many, many months which culminated into the afternoon’s event at the restaurant. She told him about the little girl who was sitting across from us with her mom and dad. Immediately afterwards, she began a line of questioning that still amazes me. She asked him, Mom and I were at the restaurant, where were you? Mom and I

She asked him, “Mom and I were at the restaurant, where were you? Mom and I went to the park where were you?” went to the park where were you? Mom came to hear me sing at the spring program where were you? Up until this very day, I don’t know what his answer was, but what I do know is that from then on whenever his daughter called for him, he was there. Isn’t God marvelous? After months and months of no-shows, disappointments, arguments, and excuses, God allowed the sharing of one event and three words of “where were you,” to change his heart, his mind, his focus, and his direction. My, how I love my God! He steps in when you need Him and restores that which is lost, even when a father is absent. The Father is forever present. In Acts 17:25 it states, “He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He himself gives all life and breath and everything else.” To this I say…God, our Father, our Provider, and our Restorer, I thank you abundantly. Amen.

June 2008

The Ride of a Lifetime By Brianna Woods

Harri|MORGUEFILE

o you not just hate it when you grow up and remember the one day in your childhood that you wish could have happened everyday but it didn’t?

in the sand, my dad vowed to be my best friend forever, crossed his heart and hoped to die.

That the person who helped make that day so spectacular would be within arm’s reach to make any and every other day the same way? Well, I do…

(Even though Daddy’s hands were ten times bigger than mine)

In Jackson, Mississippi, there’s a lot to do. But, only if you have a dad as cool as mine. One summer day after I turned six, Daddy and me rode all over the city. It was a Saturday with clear blue skies and a great chance to be outdoors. At least, that’s what the weatherman said. I guess Daddy saw the weatherman too, because we spent all day outside. After I was bathed in our ritual weekend bubble bath, I stood like Superwoman-arms on my hips and legs spread apart-to be dried and lotioned down. I ran into my bedroom and dressed myself-white shorts, shirt, socks and Keds. “Nice clothes, Slim”. That’s what my dad told me every time I got dressed without him, which had started to happen more frequently. But I never tired of hearing him say that. Before you knew it, we were in dad’s green Ford convertible. Zoom! Our convertible whizzed down streets, rounded corners, and passed other cars. My two pigtails were blowing in the wind and my hand was trying to catch the air rushing past my window with no success. It seemed to slip through my fingers with ease. Barbeque, hot dogs, and fried chicken drifted out to greet us as we passed by their restaurants. At last, we slowed down while crossing this super-duper long bridge. There, as the lake glistened beneath us like hidden gems

To guarantee this, a secret handshake was formed.

A high five A pinky swear Two fingers now cutting scissors And the hiss of a snake… God, how I miss that day. To think of all the other little girls who had a chance to be with their father every weekend and have alone time with him, To feel that emptiness in my heart when I wanted to say, “Daddy, play with me!” but couldn’t. Those thoughts and feelings make my eyes well and the tears fall as I yearn for him by my side, not just on the other end of the phone receiver. Once the teenage years hit and boys gave me looks that made me squirm and giggle inside, I realized through my obnoxiousness and emotional despair that I needed my father. My dad was missing in action. Some would blame it on him for not being there. Others would scorn my mother for leaving. I accuse no one nor do I place blame. I just allow the absences to be excused and let dad pick up where we left off, just a few years later… Making my day as he promises to be my best friend forever, crossing his heart, and hoping to die.

“Two Bears and A Cub” By Derrick Williams June 2008

head was facing away from the Action and towards the clock, whose ten-foot-tall numbers screeched in neon, “5:38 am.” “Well,” said the Father to himself, “Almost two hours... That’s a LOT of time left to sleep.” As though he would drop to sleep that very moment. The thing about sleep, though, is that you don’t get to experience all that good time when you are asleep. You go to sleep, and the next second, the alarm goes off. It doesn’t FEEL like eight or ten hours just went by. In the waning darkness, the Baby realized that the Father was right there. “O-Daddee!” he said, elated. Something that felt

“O-Daddee!” The Parents were both sleeping soundly when out of the silence, a horrified -- and horrifying -- cry shot like lightning through the dying darkness. The Mother immediately leapt into action, while the Father lay there not moving, thinking he was dreaming and praying it was not the Baby. The Mother returned to the bed with the Baby in her arms. The Baby, wide awake now, and smiling, was unconcerned with the fact that the Father had only just two hours ago gone to sleep, and had to get right back up in two more small hours.

“O-Mommee!” The Baby was talking to the Mother in a cute, nineteenmonth-old kind of way and the Mother, unaware that the Father could hear it all, whispered back to him in an effort to soothe and drowse him. “O-Mommee!” he said, as though he just realized she was there. “Go to sleep, Baby.” “Ohh Kayyy,” he whispered, resigned. This went on for minutes, as it does when he has a nightmare and the Parents go get him to put him back to sleep. The Father was desperately trying to hold on to the greasy rope of sleep that slid, ever more rapidly through the fingers of his mind. His

like a little Baby arm smacked the Father on the back of the neck. “Don’t hit the Daddy, Baby. He has to get up in a little while.” It was a little Baby arm, then. “Ohh Kayyy.” They went back to their back-and-forth. “5:47 AM!” “I know,” the Father retorted sharply, on the inside. Something that felt like little Baby fingers began to wrestle through the tangle that is Sleeping Black Father Hair. “Aaa Da-Dee!” “Leave your daddy alone, Baby,” said the Mother in a vain effort to forestall the inevitable. “You suuure love your daddy, don’t you?” she whispered rhetorically, as much to the air as to the Baby. The Father heard this and thanked God for giving him stewardship of a son who thought absolutely the world of someone so unworthy as he. The Father, like the rolling of a tidal wave, at the rising of some leviathan, gave up on sleep and turned over and took in his arms this thirty-five pound wriggling onesie full of all that the Parents hold dear. “Come on, Baby. Time to go to sleep.” “Ohh Kayy!” smiling. The Father began what was known as “The Kansas City Shake” which no baby could resist. “Go to sleeping, Baby,” he said, in a lilting, nonspecific, somewhat French, somewhat German accent. His eyes soon began to slide closed. The Baby’s eyes did, as well.

January 2008

TH I A F

Paul Anderson/MORGUEFILE

Home Economics

et’s face reality; we have got the power, when it comes to spending power. Census data reported that most women are the chief purchasing agent of the family.

By 2010, women are expected to control $1 trillion, or 60% of the country’s wealth according to research conducted by Business Week. Women purchase or influence the purchase of 80% of all consumer goods, including stocks, computers, and automobiles. Women carry 76 million credit cards, 8 million more than men, (according to The Business and Professional Women’s Foundation). More than half of all new web users are women, according to Jupiter Media Mextrix. During the time where unemployment and bankruptcy are at an all time high, so is our spending. Everyday the media talks about, our dollar losing value, budget deficits, layoffs,

and downsizing. If corporate America is lowering expenses, then what are you doing in your house? During this time when my home and dollar are losing value, it created a time to review our spending plan. This had to be a family affair. Explaining to my children the difference between needs and wants wasn’t easy. I told them we had to layoff some of our wants. We have to downsize like corporate America, or else we would have a budget deficit. On my first round of layoffs I contacted the cable company, and wondered why my bill was so high, and they said I had the premium package of 350 channels; immediately 200 channels were laid off (except Lifetime), which is a yearly savings of $780 per year. When the kids arrived home from school, they were upset, and thought the T.V. was broken. The layoffs were many in my home from cell phone packages, to lowering interest rates on our major credit

cards. Store credit cards were terminated permanently. Our goal was not to run my home like a nonprofit, overworked and underpaid. We have to think of our home as a for-profit, so we can have money to save for college, retirement, and an emergency fund (6-8 months of after tax-income in an interest bearing savings account/ money market). We started by tracking our daily spending. Our family did that for a week, and with the late fees for videos, ATM fees, Starbuck’s, dry cleaning, snacks, etc.; we were giving away money in certain areas, with nothing to show for our purchase. The amount of the late fees we were charged would have purchased the video outright. Needless to say, we no longer rent games/ DVD’s. My youngest son made a business out of it, and now rents to his friends to save money to purchase new games. Our family went on a money diet, where we had to trim the fat, and have a lean budget. Saving money and dieting are the same, it takes discipline and commitment. I’m always doing both, but it is a lifestyle change. Focusing on your goals and having a plan doesn’t mean depriving yourself or your family; writing down my spending and meals, and setting reasonable limits. When I get down to a certain size, and save enough I will reward myself with a new outfit, or a pair of shoes, or even a family vacation. For my family every little bit adds up, because we have a change jar in

the kitchen. Everyday we empty our pockets or purse and put our change in the jar. Every month we use the change for savings. It adds up to $75 - $100 per month, close to $1,000 per year. It’s not really how much money we make as a family, but how much we keep, and invest. Finances are a family affair, and it includes all ages. Our youth are like “Kodak Film, all they need is Exposure and Development.” We need to develop our kids spending habits at an early age. Many

people ask, “What age should I teach my children about investing/savings?” I respond, if they are old enough to spend a dollar, then they are old enough to save a dollar. My passion is teaching youth about financial literacy. Many weekends I host a money camp to teach youth about entrepreneurship and financial literacy. The youth range from eight to eighteen. The goal of the class is to teach the youth how to become owners of the company, and not al-

ways the consumers. The young participants elect a Board of Directors, when starting their business. They decide on the items to sell, and I make the initial investment. They manage and conduct the business. The student’s businesses range from candy, bake sales, and 3 on 3 basketball games, among other things. They make a profit, reinvest back in the company, and at the end of the semester they pay themselves in dividends. The youth also learn how to become a tester of prod-

ucts. They spend time in the library at Wayne County Community College researching companies they have an interest in. They write a letter to the research and development department to become a tester of the product. Nike Shoe Company is a favorite among the students. When investing and saving, it’s not about the timing of the market; it’s about the time in the market. I encourage everyone to please, take the time to teach yourself and your family the value of time and financial literacy. We have so much power as women; let’s continue to use it to make a difference. The main lesson I teach the youth is to, “Never love anything, that can’t love your back.” Money can’t love you back, but your family can. We end the day of the camp

by writing thank you notes to family members. Family is the most valuable asset, we can’t place a dollar amount on love. By: Gail Perry-Mason Co-Author of “Girl, Make Your Money Grow!”

March-April 2008

Fear:

The Enemy of Your Faith By Duong Sheahan www.beautysecretsspiritsoulbody.com

What is fear keeping you from today? Is there something that you are aspiring to accomplish, but rather allowing fear to hold you back? Fear interrupts the ability to have faith operate in our lives. Fear is a twin of doubt and the enemy to our faith. Fear and doubt keep us from walking in faith. It’s a negative cycle that prevents us from receiving answered prayers and robs us of enjoying an abundant life. Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see (Hebrews 11:1, NLT). Many times our prayers go unanswered because we have allowed fear to enter our hearts. You cannot have both fear and faith operating at the same time. That is called being doubled minded. A double-minded man should not expect to receive anything from God according to James. We are either walking in faith or in fear. Sometimes we think it’s noble to have fear towards something otherwise we come across as careless. Contrary, fear is an enemy that traps people and keeps them from seeing the wonderful working power of God. I love what the Amplified Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind...” We must understand that fear did not originate with God. We know that God is love; therefore, He has no fear to give. Fear will prevent us from enjoying the good life. People are paralyzed from moving forward by all sorts of fear. It could be anything, from fear of relationships, stepping out into new territory, fear of confrontation, fear of illness or fear of not having enough, and the list can go on and on. If you have ever read the story of Job, talk about tragedy! Job recognized early on that his fears caused some of the negative outcomes in his life. He says, “What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true.” (Job 3:25, NLT). When I decided to step out and launch a website, it seemed that all kinds of fear entered my mind. My greatest fear was rejection by health experts who would decline to partner with me. I wrote letters to several doctors and health experts and shared my vision for Beauty Secrets. I had thoughts like, “Your emails will get lost in cyberspace, they’ll never have time, they won’t reply...” I

realized that if I was going to pursue my passion, I was going to have to resist fear and have faith. I knew fear was the enemy of faith in my life. If I was going to see this project come to fruition, I had to trust God and be confident that my faith would determine whether I would see the outcome I believed. Whenever thoughts of “fear” crept into my mind; I refused to entertain them and began to turn my focus instead on faith-filled thoughts. I saw faith manifested throughout the project. I received such favor with the web designer, computer programmer, and even the photographer who all supported my project and worked hard to ensure I received everything I envisioned. Not only did I receive responses from health experts and doctors acros the country and around the world, but I had several divine meetings with some of my favorite doctors. In one instance, a doctor rejected my request to publish his health articles due to his demanding schedule but graciously wished me luck. I was disappointed to say the least, but I didn’t give up. I had a

Rejection

Confrontation

Illness New territories few months before the website launched and something inside of me- “faith” caused me to continue believing. I really had my heart set on this particular doctor. I followed his practice for years and experienced great results with family’s health. What happened next was a miraculous intervention. A month later the doctor was scheduled to speak at my church and appear with my pastor on a television program addressing “Stress”. A few days prior to the doctor’s visit, an associate pastor approached me and asked if my husband and I could pick up the doctor and his wife from the airport and transport them to and from the church and hotel during their stay. I was thrilled and couldn’t even express how excited I was for the opportunity. We picked up the doctor and his wife, immediately connected with them and had great

conversations on health related issues, of course. I hesitated to share the rejection letter with him. I didn’t want it to be an awkward moment, and thought at some point, I would bring it up if it was appropriate. It was in our final moments together that a conversation sparked the subject, and when I told him about the letter, we laughed as he and his wife stepped out of our vehicle, gave hugs and said farewell. I was granted full permission to use any and all of his health publications on my website. That was a divine moment! Fear, the enemy of faith has no victory in your life when you make a decision to walk in faith. “Nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37) “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” ~Mary Manin Morrissey

Holiday 2007

But GOD said… By Ceneathia Rogers

Photo: P. Winberg

Can you forgive without forgetting? Is it really possible? Well, it’s one thing when someone hurts you, and then comes to you humbly, acknowledging your pain, and asking for forgiveness. In the back of your mind, you may think, slate clean---the memory is slightly buried, but not really forgotten. But, what about when someone hurts you over and over again. Have you ever had a wound that just wouldn’t heal? And, just when it gets to the point when it doesn’t hurt as much, and you have learned to live with it. Then something happens to the wound, and it is suddenly open, bare, and bleeding all over again. Have you ever been lost? Not like “today” lost. I’m talking about lost, like back in the day, before there were

cell phones or navigation systems. I’m talking about lost on a one lane dirt road where tree branches are looming so far over the lane that you are driving in that you can not see what is ahead. Only you are in the car with no cell phones, passengers, or anything. The only thing that you wish for is something familiar; something safe, something that will lead you back home. Fear overcomes you because night is falling and no one will be able to help you. These were my exact emotions regarding my marriage. My husband and I were married; well at least we had a ceremony where we were pronounced husband and wife (whatever that means). We later became separated, not because we didn’t love one another, but we didn’t love the way that God designed our hearts to love. There was no completeness, no commitment, no

trust, and no God. Although we both believed in God, and we both went to church, and we both read the Biblewell at least I did, and we both prayed, but there was still an emptiness. In my household, there was a woman, a man, and a child. Three hearts beating, that’s it! The breakdown came because we never bonded as a family. We were more like an extended family. The principle of cleaving to your wife was something that was said, but never done. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, and Mother’s Day were never celebrated, but days I became accustomed to being ruined. On Thanksgivings, he was with his family, mother, father and siblings, not his child and I. He also spent Christmas, Easter and Mother’s Day with them. Now get this,.he even spent my birthday with his family. Maybe I’m missing something but I thought married couples formed a new family and it would come first. I was mistaken.

Yes, we separated, but God said NO! The time that we were apart gave us enough space to grow and heal, but not forget. I never married to become ignored, taken for granted or second rated to everything. Being a fan of talk shows such as Oprah (whom everyone loves), Ricki Lake, Rolanda, Jenny Jones, Richard Bey, Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! And, many more; it was funny how I could relate to every single topic, no matter how ghetto it was. Something had to change. I put my arms up to the sky (with the palm of my hands facing the sun) and said, “God, I SURRENDER! I need you. I can’t do this alone. My soul is not at peace. The only thing I seek is that which you gave me, JOY!” Somehow, I had allowed this sacred gift to be stripped from me. I then began

speaking to the enemy in God’s name. “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus”, I said. Take your hands off of me, my husband, and our home. This is not your dwelling place, this is God’s, and we live in and honor His Kingdom and His Kingdom only. Devil you are DISMISSED! The doorbell rang. It was my exhusband, or my soon to be ex-husband, and although I had just finished praying, somehow I found myself upset again. I thought to myself, ‘this brother knows that I am about to go to the 10:30 a.m. service, and here he comes to start something.’ But God said, ‘let him in’. So, I did! “Are you on your

I went upstairs and prayed that I’d find my shoe, purse, and keys. I also prayed that God would give me a sign whether this union “of sorts” was His will or not. The sign I asked for was for my husband to join the church on that very day. Finally, I found my left shoe, brown purse, and keys around 10:50 a.m. We left, but the traffic had its own plans. It was 11:15 a.m. when my “ex” said he’d heard of a church where the minister really teaches. The music ministry was supposed to be good too. But, I love my church, I thought. I have never missed a Sunday in almost 11 years. Okay, maybe I’ve missed a few.

please come.” My husband grabbed my hand, and the hand of our little girl, and said let’s join. Before, I could speak we were walking to the altar. The congregation began to clap and praise God out loud. Wow! We…were….. walking….to…the….alter. How powerful is that, on so many levels. I stood before the minister with my husband, just as I did on my wedding day, but somehow this meeting at the altar meant more. This commitment was more real. I felt this commitment burning at the very core of my soul. I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing, and allowed God to free my soul, operate on me, and heal me. I

Photo: sullivan

way to church?” he asked. Cautiously I said, “Yes.” “Can I go with you,” he asked. I paused, and prayed, and God said, “YES”. I couldn’t find anything that morning. It seemed as if my left shoe and brown purse somehow were stolen within the last 15 minutes, as well as my house and car keys. It was now 10:45 a.m. and yes, we were going to be late, really late. The church was downtown, about a good 30-35 minutes from my house.

Reluctantly, I went to this church and the teaching and music were good. Wouldn’t you know, the message was about healing, starting over, and bonding to the mate whom God had ordained for you. The minister opened up the doors of the church and began to say, “If there is anyone that either needs to be saved, has been backsliding, or needs a church home to please come. Anyone who is seeking Jesus, because you can’t do it on your own,

felt God’s arms enfold my body. His embrace released my anger. I was saved. Then He spoke. The voice was clear, “THAT WHICH I HAVE BUILT SHALL NOT BE DESTROYED.” I surrendered… Joyously, I surrendered… Shamefully, I surrendered. The answer was simple.

If God can forgive, who am I not to?

January 2009

Tearing Down the Walls Briana Woods

At the beginning of last year, I wrote the following in my journal: “I have finally reached the comfort zone that I never knew I had. Right now, I’m content. School is a breeze. I have people-family and friends-who care about me. I am so blessed and sometimes I don’t even realize it. Shame on me! Ha-ha. Seriously though, I am loving life right now. I don’t really know what it is, but I feel like there’s going to be a drastic change in my life this year. I wish I could pin point it; wish I could put my finger on it, but I can’t. Every year brings about change in some shape, form, or fashion. I believe that the only difference this year is that for once I am ready for it.”

hange most definitely came.

That summer, I moved from Tennessee to Texas to live with my father allowing my mother to return to school and refocus on her life goals. The shock from the drastic move made it a little harder to adjust than I had expected. My summer was spent on long walks trying to figure out why I had to go from the summit back to the foot of the mountain. Junior year brought all the preparations and worries for college, not to mention a tremendous workload. Slowly, I fell into the routine of an ordinary life and stuck to the schedule of school, my room, and church. An invisible barrier surrounded me as I went through the motions of life without really experiencing it, without truly living it.

As the summer ended and autumn crept in with low morning temperatures and cool breezes, I was brought out of my fuzzy thoughts by the popularity of Senator Barack Obama. He moved the masses with his positive speeches on Change. Once voted the nominee for the Democratic Party, I began to study how I had responded to my own change. As the Senator became Presidentelect, I tore down the wall that kept me from seeing the good in things. America was ready for change just as I had been at the beginning of last year. But, if America responded in the same manner, the country would be as unproductive as I had been these past six months. Yes, when change occurs you may be misplaced and feel out of the ordinary, but

you must also remember that change is needed to grow and progress up the ladder of life into something bigger and better. President Obama embodies the idea that change is for the better. By standing up and being the change that he wanted to see, he has compelled others to stand and change as well.

Fortunately,

enough

people stood for that Change. In turn, this nation will be changed for the better. In the meantime, I will embrace and adapt to the changes in my own life, just as America has embraced the mentality of ‘Yes, we can!’ and the reality of having her first Black President.

AY D I L

EE H C

December 2009

isioning

Your Future! By Talayah G. Stovall Are you living your life by design or by accident? Thomas Edison said, “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves.” Most of us know there is more that we want to achieve in our lives, but most of us do not know where to begin. As another year draws to a close, we have another opportunity to review our goals and to make a fresh start for 2010. With that in mind, think about your goals and dreams. What are the various areas of your life in which you’d like to see major change? Is it your relationships? Your finances? Your career or business? Your lifestyle? Envision a perfect day in your life 5 years from now. What does it look like and feel like? Who are you sharing that day with? Where are you living and vacationing? How is your health? Now that you have a clear picture of your desired life, how do you transform your desires into definite goals that you can attain? I’ve found that one of the best ways to create the necessary focus in your life to achieve your goals is to create a vision board. A vision board, also called a dream board or a treasure map, is a collage of pictures, images and words from various sources (magazines, calendars, online, etc.) that represent your innermost desires. In other words, it is a physical representation of your desired reality. A vision board allows you to create a picture of the future that you envision

for yourself. My focus for 2010 is about lifestyle and business. Therefore, I created two vision boards – one for each. My business vision board includes my business goals and the positive impact that I’d like to have on the lives of other women, empowering them to reach their highest potential. My lifestyle vision board includes my goals related to health, relationships, finances and so on.

It is said that “a picture is worth a thousand words.” Why? Images evoke strong feelings that influence our thoughts and behavior, even on a subconscious level. So, harness that power to create the future you desire. A vision board helps you to clarify your vision and inspires you to take the necessary actions to fulfill that vision.

How Do You Make a Vision Board? Gather pictures and words from magazines, books or the Internet that have a strong impact on you and represent what you desire to see in your life (a new business or career, love, a new home, travel, your ideal weight, etc.) You will also need scissors, glue, colored paper, a poster board or a mirror with a border (if you want to see yourself in the picture). I like to put my name and/or picture on bestseller lists, conference speaker lists and other places I’d like to see myself in the future.

What Are the Benefits of a Vision Board? 1. It creates focus – having a visual representation of the life you want will keep you focused on achieving it. 2. It’s fun – who doesn’t love dreaming? Who doesn’t love going through our favorite magazines and ripping things out? 3. It’s flexible – as your life changes, so can your vision board. As you reach new goals, you can take images off. And, as you create new dreams for yourself, you can add pictures.

How Can You Use Your Vision Board? • Put your board where you will see it. Have it in your field of vision so you will be inspired to act on it. Only through repeated visualization of your goals can you begin to make your dreams a reality. Review your board often and see what manifests itself. • Use your board to help determine your next steps in life – does what you’re planning to do fit with your overall life vision? • Use your board to change your mood – when you feel down, look at your board and get inspired. • Use your board to give thanks for what is to come. Life is largely a matter of action and expectation. You must expect success and take action. The dreams you believe in CAN become a reality. Set your goals high. Set high expectations and take action now, and you’ll succeed beyond your wildest expectations. 2010 CAN be your year!

Talayah Stovall is an empowerment speaker, life purpose coach and the author of Crossing the Threshold, Opening Your Door to Successful Relationships and 150 Important Questions You Should Ask Before You Say “I Do.” For more information on products and speaking engagements, email talayah@talayahstovall.com or visit www.talayahstovall.com.

Holiday 2008

Christmas Story by Meredith Anderson

henever making Christmas goodies, my goal is always to inconspicuously leave the most batter possible in the bottom of the bowl, while quietly and swiftly internalizing it as I do the dishes. The hustle and bustle in mom’s kitchen is a welcome chaos that lends itself to the growing anticipation of holiday cheer. Any other day of the year, I would roll my eyes when my mom would hurriedly instruct me to set the table and check the temperature on the potatoes. Why is it that at Christmas time, I miraculously find her requests for kitchen help a privilege? All other times of the year seem to be an unnecessary demand, especially when you’re a college student whose schedule consists of lounging around, fielding questions about a potential new college beau or the status of my undeclared major. Christmas surges excitement and anticipation into the simplest of mundane tasks in the most magical of ways, and I couldn’t help but wonder, “why not every day of the year?” Somehow on this special holiday, family time is considered a treat and dorky sweaters that usually itch now make you feel like the coolest person ever. Once thought of as prying relatives somehow seem to be the cheerleaders I needed, in order to make me realize how many caring people are rooting for me. My stories of Christmas’ past make me a hero in the eyes of my annoying little brother, who suddenly becomes my number one fan. What is this mysterious force that puts my life into blissful perspective when it seems that all elements of potential disaster are fair game; relatives with family drama, money being spent left and right, preparations that could drive any mom up the wall and cheesy traditions that have been long out grown. Instead, each one becomes a hilarious comedy of errors where everyone will come out ahead. No organization or government could have planned a more perfect holiday. A true holiday--- an escape from a reality we have created and a shift in perspective to what really matters.

“Why does Christmas never get old?” It never bothers me when the trees go up the day after Thanksgiving, as if we have suddenly been given permission to start the Christmas celebration; the celebration of what really matters. The

twinkling of lights that line sagging roofs and mansions alike each speak volumes to the joy of human celebration. You may have a Charlie Brown tree or construct your own with artificial needles scattered across your carpet, but who doesn’t catch a gasp in their throat when it illuminates the room for the first time in a year! Usually it takes a tragedy, or a turkey with wooden pilgrims on either side for us to take in the bounty of life around us. Christmas is different. During Christmas time, the silent rule becomes that everyone must possess this

jolly spirit. The Scrooges of our world become the global outlaws, while singing and sugar is encouraged. Why must this change? If Buddy, from the movie Elf, can live with the childlike mentality of Christmas 365 days a year, then why can’t we? Everyone could use a little Christmas in July, or March or October, for that matter. If we all got to run to our stockings each morning before work or leave milk and cookies out each night before we went to bed, maybe then we could truly have peace on earth.

Holiday 2007

This Special Day, (Holiday) By Shannen Shine

Las Vegas, Nevada

Age: 15 years

iving love, friends and family, folks we hardly ever see put their issues aside, they arrive.

Cookouts in the summer, hot delicious

meals in the winter Warm smiles, laughter, kind words full of chatter

People greet us everywhere

Friendly Faces this special day, (holiday).

Maybeâ&#x20AC;Śone dayâ&#x20AC;Ś..Maybe

It will be an every day thing.

Holiday 2008

Celebrating God as a Family

Have you ever felt like you just can’t afford to fix another Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner?

Do you often feel as if your grocery receipt exceeded your budget? Do you find yourself playing catch up in the following year, trying to pay off debts from the previous holiday seasons? Are you caught up in buying presents because everyone is expecting you to do so? Have you already been appointed to cook for this coming Christmas for a family of 7 or more? Perhaps, you are slightly overcome by the moment that you don’t even relax like you should during the holidays, or even take time to enjoy being in the company of family and friends.

Many people often feel overwhelmed when this time of year comes because the meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas has somehow been lost along the way. Some people will even go in to work on the holiday just to have some peace of mind away from the chaos of the pagan holiday. In fact, it is not uncommon to find individuals volunteering to assist at the homeless shelters on Thanksgiving or Christmas day. Due to the pressures we often place on one another, greed has weighed down our joy for the season and desire for fellowship. Likewise, it has been the enabler to so many children growing up without a care for God, or giving of their self. Many Americans continue to spend billions of dollars during this time of year in order to make people happy. Some even go broke to tell the one’s they love just how much they care. We cannot put a price on true affection it is something that has too much value to name. How often do you tell your loved one’s that you love them? Now, consider how often you show them that you love them. There is a difference. If we really stopped to think about finding ways to express our love without spending over ten dollars, we would discover that many of us have been living to consume material possessions more than we have in cherishing our family and friends during the holidays. I

recall growing up in a time when making a card was not considered “cheesy”, or having a picnic in the park with your family on your parents’ birthday was not construed as being cheap. Let’s face it. Time and money has taken away from the true meaning of family and the reason for the season. It’s tough trying to manage a single-parent household. However, it is even more so when we leave God out of the picture. I often reminisce about the time when I found myself in the middle of a financial crisis during the holiday season. I so desperately desired to

I did just what the Lord commanded me to do. I explained to my children the true meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was a year I would never forget. Thanksgiving day came without turkey and dressing, greens, candied yams, macaroni and cheese, and corn bread. We had leftovers…YUK!! It was a “salty” Thanksgiving for me because I was used to doing things my way. For some of you who do not know the slang term salty, it simply means that I was disappointed in the worse way. However, when God spoke, I knew something

I explained to my children the true meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was a year I would never forget. buy at least one of the items my children asked for, but my bills were more than my take home pay could afford. Previously, I spent my years splurging on Thanksgiving dinner, toys, and gifts for Christmas. However, one year, God said to me, “You are going to tell them what it means to be thankful.” I am not sure about you, but I am woman who fears God, and when I receive a command from our Father in Heaven to do something, I strive to be obedient. I am not perfect, but I do my best to listen and obey when the Holy Spirit speaks to me. As a result,

was bound to happen. Certainly, I was not alone. My mother, who lives with me, along with my children were salty, too. Of course, we did not walk around in a funk, but we missed having the normal dinner that we had been accustomed to preparing in the years gone by. It was not easy for my children, but we still gave thanks. Instead of thanking God for the big meal, we praised Him for providing the funds to be able to pay the mortgage, car notes, groceries for the month, lunch for the children, and a warm home to live in during

the cold season. Oh, yeah… we also thanked Him for the leftovers – believe it or not. We actually found the time to be thankful. We discussed why we were grateful before we ate our food, and found joy in one another’s company that particular Thanksgiving. In fact, by the time Christmas arrived, I was still broke without a dime to spend on presents and holiday tinsel, but the fact that I had Jesus meant more to me than any other holiday before. This may sound corny to some and comical to others. However, if you live your life caught up in materializing the birth of Jesus and the blessings of God, you have not lived. That particular year, my children learned what it meant to just have each other. They did not like it at first, but they walked away from the experience giving thanks for the intangible things in life such as love, peace, joy, and family. I know that my children can appreciate what blessings God has given to us now because it was revealed during a time when paganism mislabeled the true meaning of giving thanks. As a result, my children are not materialistic. They are not constantly begging for the elaborate Christmas gifts, but are satisfied with just one. I am blessed more than some parents because I don’t have the kind of children who are easily angered when they hear that Christmas is on hold, or it won’t come with presents and expensive gifts. Instead, they realize that without God, and the

blessings of Christ, there would be no reason for celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas. You see, the joy my family had was not in the big meal – although Thanksgiving dinner is a great time to fellowship, laugh, and be merry. It was not even in the eggnog poured in a chilled glass, nor was it about having a 7-foot tree decked with lights and ornaments. We did not savor the moment with money, but only in the meaning of the time God afforded us to enjoy. We concentrated on God and Jesus for the first time, which was outside of our weekly Sunday at church, and it was all done as a family. That particular year we unwrapped

our blessings of good health, our future wealth, wisdom and knowledge, just to name a few. The question now is how will you plan your holiday season? Will you find the time to give God thanks in your home with your parents, children, aunts, uncles, and cousins, or will you pretend as if God has not kept you all year long? Certainly, many have lost their jobs, and seen hard times, but the fact that you are still here is all the more reason to praise God for His grace. I don’t know about you, but I feel blessed just to be able to say that God has provided for me all year long. It was not because I deserved it, but because His love has no end. Truly, God is worthy to be praised every day of my life because He keeps me.

As you consider this time of year, don’t get caught up in going broke for people, or even go a moment without thinking about the blessings of God. Stop and take time during your holiday to celebrate God and not yourself. Also, remember to celebrate the holidays together as a family.

Happy Holidays from my family to yours. ~Holly K. Ferguson Please visit www.hollykferguson.com to enjoy more writings by the author.

flickr.COM | PETTER DUTTON

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Happy Holidays from everyone at WIP!

Thank you from WIP! Thank you to all our volunteers and donors!

ne i z a g a m Live eEw- & Donors Cr Jaime Benzon Gisela Vargas Talayah Stovall M. Antoinette Walker Cynthia Jones Shannen Shine Meredith Anderson Nicole Woods Carla Martin Justin Morris Talayah Stovall

Photographer

Doung Sheahan Karla Jackson Kristie Johnson

Briana Woods Qualice Tipton Angela Buford Angela Fotovian Derrick Williams Harland & Lisa Abraham

Other Contributing Writers Not Pictured Include:

Letia Gathwright Tenille Thomas Christie Spudowski Jessica Shaw

P I W r eers e h t O lunt Vo

Ceanethia Rogers

Diana BejaranoMedina

Janet Riley

Dorthy Alston

Aquila Thomas Carla Curtis

Nicole Rayes Holly Ferguson Tammie Laster Jessica Washington

Gail Perry Mason

Wendy Muhammad

Dorene Powell Tatiana McKinney