The Amazing Adventures of Maude, A Jamaican Grandmother

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A MANUSCRIPT

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Dedicated to inspired rejuvenation KKOM & FJHL

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Wilbur’s Gone Maude watched the casket being lowered and reflected, “Oh dear, Wilbur is dead.” Then from some corner of her subconscious a thought rose like a belch: unbidden but insistent.

“It’s about time.”

She fretted as to why her thoughts were so irreverent - it was not like her at all – and she allowed her granddaughter to guide her out of the cemetery.

At 21 the youth was educated and refined. The family was already looking forward to rejoice at her nuptials to a man that they knew would take care of their precious Lily Rose. They were walking down an avenue of Lignum Vitae trees when Maude stopped short.

“I don’t want to go just yet.”

“OK Grandma Maude. You want to sit in the shade?”

Maude did not know what she wanted to do, but sat on a concrete bench that was under one of the trees. She had become used to the surprising fact that shade under a Lignum Vitae was a but cooler than other trees. As the mourners made their way out of the churchyard Maude found herself speaking.

“Wilbur was a pain.”

“Grandma Maude! You were friends since you were children.”

“Since he lost his legs to diabetes the man was unbearable.”

“Well, it was hard for him.”

“He was a crybaby who let his body limit his spirit. If I lived half the life that he lived, I would still be coming up with ideas…”

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“Grandma Maude, you really shock me! Mr. Smith, may God bless him, was a rascal. If it was not for you, he would never have been churched; but that’s the kind of person you are, a true Christian and a perfect example for any woman to follow.”

Maude sniffed in annoyance.

“Rubbish! I never made a brave decision in my life.” Her voice had a lilt of lament when she said, “I copped out. And now, I am jealous of Wilbur and everything that he did.”

“The Rev Father really should not have preached so long today, it’s made you tired,” Lily Rose sighed.

“I am serious,” Maude was distressed. “I’ve always done what was expected. Got married, arranged altar flowers, sat on every PTA…” “You can’t regret that.”

“No, I don’t, but I could have …I don’t know…taken the children nude sunbathing in Negril.”

Lily Rose was too shocked to speak, and emboldened, Maude spoke on.

“I should have had an affair with that Cuban doctor who set your father’s broken leg when he was 13. I should have smoked with your Uncle Lincoln the day that I caught him with a cigarette in the garage, I should have bought the peacock blue eye shadow back in ‘63, I should have drowned the neighbour’s cat the Sunday it ate my salmon dinner, I should have…I should have laced my Christmas cakes with white rum.”

Maude held her lace edged fan like a dagger to oppose anyone who would dare challenge her, while her granddaughter looked at her in dismay.

“Don’t you feel locked up inside dear?” Maude asked. Lily Rose’s eyes gazed back into hers with a puzzled calmness; Maude looked away as she stood, then seemed to get an idea and started walking.

“I guess not. Neither did I at your age; I was busy Doing The Right Thing.”

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“Grandma, where are you going?”

“To fly a kite.”

“I think that we should go home now.”

Lily Rose had somehow found a tone in her voice that insisted and urged order, but Maude shrugged her off.

“No, not yet….I want to use the bathroom.”

“All right Grandma, I’ll wait right here.”

The young woman’s voice was still a bit stern and trying to be reasonable.

She was in charge of her grandmother and everything was going to go as planned. They would both go home together, have a meal then retire to their rooms.

Once out of sight Maude slipped away. The rush of traffic on Hagley Park Road was exciting and frightening at the same time. She saw something that she wanted across the street and put her foot down on the asphalt only to hear the screech of brakes. Feeling powerful, she nodded at the truck driver even as he shook his head and watched her cross to the other side.

“How much is that?” She asked a boy selling on the piazza.

“Fifty dollars Miss.”

Maude paid him and gleefully held her purchase. Now that she had it, she wondered what to do. She looked up for inspiration…and made up her mind.

“This is for you Wilbur” she said, and retraced her steps.

Lily Rose had raced up to the church office to raise the alarm that her grand mother was demented, so no one saw when Maude sidled through the gate and spied a ladder leaning on the building.

“God always provides”, she muttered.

Maude tossed away her purse and put a foot on the bottom rung. The short heels caused it to slip, so those too were chucked aside. She was

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surprised at how easily she could still climb a ladder, but the journey seemed so long.

“What you doing up here lady?”

A carpenter who was re shingling the roof had knitted his brow in bewilderment.

“Help me.”

“You sure that you can manage this?”

“If you can, I can.”

He shrugged and held out a hand. She awkwardly walked across the steep roof, her steam pleated black skirt billowing in the wind showing that she was properly clothed in a black slip and pantyhose. The man guided her to a spot beside him.

“What a nice view”, she said as she had a good look at Half-WayTree spread out below her. The sextant, who had paused from filling the grave, a scattered group of pedestrians and motorists traveling in slowmoving traffic were all gawking op at her.

“You can fly this?”

She handed her purchase to the carpenter who inspected it.

“In my day we used tissue paper, not plastic bag. But aside from that, it look alright.”

He expertly gauged the wind, and with little effort launched the kite. It caught the air and soared as high as the cord could carry it with the tail of multi coloured streamers flowing behind.

“Give me!” Maude demanded.

He placed the cord in her hands and as she took control of the kite applause rose from the street. Maude smiled and supposed that she was breaking at least one city ordinance. With a little luck she would have to make an appearance before a magistrate.

“Wilburrrr” she called. “It’s still fun like hell over here”.

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The Shy Guy Maude stared at the large pink envelope that her granddaughter laid on her lap. Scores more were stacked on the back verandah table.

“Don’t marry Tyrone,” Maude said.

Stuffing envelopes Lily Rose spoke over her shoulder.

“Why not, Grandma Maude?”

“He is dryer than wood chips. How you meet him anyway? Tyrone don’t even look like him have courage to court a girl.”

“I met him in Sunday school through you, remember.”

“You were in nappies; that didn’t mean that I wanted you to marry him.

What about that Trinidad boy, Shivna somebody.”

“Shivnarine Gangooly? He chases anything in a skirt but he knows that Tyrone is my boyfriend.”

“Why should a little thing like that stop him?” Maude mused, “The last time that he was here you seemed to have so much fun.”

Lily Rose paused to daydream then spoke as if she was sharing a secret.

“When we played scrabble he had a song for every word. Like when I got S-E-E he added a N and then sang the lyrics ‘Have you ever SEEN the most beautiful girl in the world’, and if any of us spelled a body part, he tickled it.”

“What body parts did you spell?”

Lily Rose quickly looked away.

“I don’t remember.”

Maude nodded knowingly.

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“When you and Tyrone play scrabble I can hear ice melting in his aerated water. If you are so sure that you want to marry him, put him to the test.”

“We’ve been through enough tests. A-levels, university, drivers’ licenses…”

Maude raised her hands in irritation.

“You want to know if he can be a man under pressure.”

“Oh. What should I do?”

“Live with him first.”

“I can’t do that and get married in white.”

“It’s not your best colour anyway. I was raised by parents who were born in the 19th century and I’ve lived to see the 21st century so I know a thing or two. Live with Tyrone first and see his true colours.”

“I don’t understand why the doctors don’t put you on medication Grandma. You say the most amazing things.”

They smiled at each other sweetly, but Maude made up her mind that she would have to knock some sense into her granddaughter.

The next day Maude gave the helper’s ten-year-old daughter a task.

She showed her a piece of paper with a name written in bold script. The girl nodded and after a few keystrokes on Lily Rose’s computer the printer swallowed and then regurgitated an envelope. Maude compared the print on that envelope with one from Lily Rose’s pile and nodded, satisfied.

“You are a little genius,” she crooned and looked into the girl’s eyes.

“Mind now, it’s a surprise, so don’t tell anyone.”

She slid the newly addressed envelope into the pile with the others.

That evening Maude joined the betrothed couple as they chatted on the back verandah. Tyrone stood up as Maude entered the room, and gave her a light kiss on her offered cheek.

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“How are you today Mother Passmore?”

“Quite well thank you. I don’t want to be a bother to you young people, but Lily Rose have you checked off your invitation list?”

“Yes Grandma.”

Maude donned her most wise countenance: “An extra pair of eyes can make a world of difference.”

“Oh. I’ll get Nandita to help tomorrow.”

“What about Tyrone? It’s his wedding too.”

Maude touched Tyrone’s arm. He took the hint.

“It won’t take that long Lil.” Maude left the room, but stayed hidden nearby where she could listen to their conversation.

Lily Rose got the box of addressed envelopes and a list and they checked off each name. There was one envelope left and no more names on the list.

“An additional cousin my precious?” Tyrone asked airily. He took up the envelope and a name exploded from his lips. “Shivnarine Gangooly!”

Lily Rose stretched out her hand for the envelope, genuinely confused.

“I don’t know how…”

“Excuse me…you did all of them on your computer. You went behind me and invited that…Trini?”

He spat out the words with an aggression that Lily Rose did not appreciate.

“Shivna is my friend.”

Tyrone pointed at the envelope that she held with the fingertips of not one, but both hands.

“What a way we are so defensive about Shivna.”

“I can’t have my own friends?”

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“I never said that.”

“You implied it. I don’t like your tone of voice Tyrone Anole.”

“This is rich! First you deceive me, then you attack me.”

“Are you losing it? Just yesterday Grandma said that I should reconsider marrying you.”

“Why you don’t listen to her?” Tyrone sucked his teeth. “I guess you agreed to marry me because somebody told you to? I can’t bother with this pickney business.”

As he strode away Lily Rose screamed, “Get out.”

Maude had slipped into the nearby powder room and heard him walk to the front door and be let out.

She went to the back verandah where Lily Rose was unnecessarily fixing the orchid pots.

“Damn feisty. I tried to explain that it was a mistake and he was all over me. Does he think that I am running him down to marry him? I am quite happy the way I am.” She burst into tears. “Grandma, the wedding is off.”

The next few days were a time of frantic negotiations for friends of the couple. The two had previously sailed along without even a squall, and the newfound jealousy and distrust mystified everyone. After four days, they agreed to meet at the scene of the trouble. Lily Rose sat so that her perfume would waft towards him, confident that he was not immune to what he was at risk of losing. Tyrone spoke.

“I am not sure if you are ready for marriage. You just started working and you have always lived at home…”

“But you are no different!”

“I’ve been on my own for a year. You run to your people before you do anything. I have to trust you to stick to our plans.”

“So we are back at the real issue. Maybe I did write an invitation to Shivna in error…”

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“Forget…Shivna. I was concerned that you broke our agreement.”

“I bet that if it was Telly, my cousin who was deported, we would not be having this discussion. You have a problem with my male friends. Ty, I will always have male friends.”

Tyrone drummed his fingers on the table. Maude, who was concealed nearby, was dying to peek as he spoke.

“Let’s go to Negril for a weekend Lil. No, let’s go to my friend in New York. We need to spend some time alone with each other.”

“Being with your friend won’t be alone.”

“We’ll hardly see him. He works three jobs.”

“It won’t look good.”

Tyrone used all the persuasion that he could muster.

“I have to know that you can make a decision without a whole bunch of people coming into the equation.”

Lily Rose still unused to this domineering side to Tyrone realized that a dose of jealousy had brought out the Tiger in her Ty. She made a decision.

“OK, let’s go.”

Tyrone got up and thrilled her by possessively locking his arms around her waist.

“And one more thing. I don’t like that bwoy Shivna. Him don’t respeck when man have them woman.”

Maude was satisfied. This was the kind of man she wanted for her granddaughter. Tyrone the tiger had slain Ty, the shy guy.

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Defending Easter Bun The sound of the keys unlocking the front grill caused Maude to put down the magnifying glass that she was using to read a letter. Her 21 year-old granddaughter, loaded with grocery bags, staggered into the kitchen. The rustling of plastic bags and the opening and closing of the refrigerator and cupboards followed. Curious, Maude went into the kitchen and picked up one of the purchases.

"What is this?" Maude asked.

"No sugar, sweetener, Grandma Maude."

"Oh? And this?"

"No salt, salt."

“Low fat margarine?” Maude raised her eyebrows. “I thought that margarine was already low fat."

"Grandma Maude, I am so nervous. Tyrone's mother has gone to the Holy Land for Easter and she asked me to bake his family's Easter Buns."

"But you can't get a good bun with whole-wheat flour and solar dried pineapple chunks!"

Maude could not understand the logic.

"Do you know how many calories are in a slice of Jamaican Easter bun, Grandma? Ty's father is hypertensive and since I am marrying him I have to start monitoring Ty’s eating habits."

"His father won't appreciate a bun made with...whatever this is."

"That is egg substitute, it eliminates the cholesterol."

Maude sighed and looked in the bag again.

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"At least I recognize the nutmeg, but you don't put baking powder in bun.

Lily Rose, nobody is going to eat this."

"With a bit of veggie cheese it will go down just fine, Grandma,� She said firmly and put the items away.

The next day, Sunday, Lily Rose followed three recipes at one time to come up with her bun. Pained, Maude shut herself into her room and listened to the radio. The next morning five, three-pound loaves were laid out under a kitchen towel. They were a pale brown colour and a slice had been cut from one revealing that the lower half of the loaf did not rise and had been burnt somewhat on the bottom. Maude wrinkled her nose. They did not smell bad, but were certainly not Jamaican Easter buns. Lily Rose joined her in the kitchen and spoke chirpily.

"I haven't quite got the correct mixture as yet, but I'm going to try again tomorrow so that still gives me lots of time before Good Friday. I think that I need some browning."

"Lily Rose, maybe it is time that I gave you the family's secret bun recipe."

"Grandma, the days of eating any and everything are over. Everybody is into health consciousness and wellness now."

On Wednesday the baking scene was again repeated. Bags of ingredients came into the house and it hurt Maude's heart to see the carton of substitute eggs and sachets of skimmed milk powder. This time she made a call to a garrulous friend so that she would not hear the clatter in the kitchen.

The following day, five loaves were again on the kitchen counter.

"Is this it?" she asked.

"Yes," Lily Rose said defensively.

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Maude sniffed at the loaves and accepted a slice. It did have a flavourful sweetness and chewed nicely in the mouth.

"So, how is it?"

"It tastes nice, but you can't pass it off as an Easter bun."

"I knew that you would like it."

"Sweetness, let's bake a real Easter bun. Your in-laws-to-be are not going to appreciate this as your first effort."

But Lily Rose would have none of it and happily left for the office.

Maude watched her leave and by the time that the helper, Mrs Branch Majors, came to work she had a plan. Maude called Mr. Benbow her taxi driver and had him take her to the supermarket. She gave instructions to her helper when she returned.

"Miss Branch Majors", Maude said. "My wrists don't have the strength that they used to, so I need you to help me to bake today."

"But I usually do the ironing on a Wednesday, Mother Passmore."

"This is an emergency. Take out the yabba."

Mrs Branch Majors caught her breath in amazement and whispered.

"Your great grandmother's yabba?"

"Yes, I need all the help I can get."

The aluminium bowls were put aside and a huge clay bowl that was rough on the outside and glazed on the inside was taken out from the back of the big pot cupboard. It was rinsed and placed in the centre of the kitchen table, ready to perform the task for which it was made some three generations before.

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Mrs Branch Majors tensed her muscles as she creamed the unsalted butter and dark cane sugar to Maude's satisfaction. The baking flour was sifted, fresh chicken eggs added and some whole milk - but a dilemma awaited them - the recipe called for Three Man Stout as the raising agent, but there was none in the supermarket. Maude had bought two stouts and three malts but after each sample sip, she shook her head with increasing distress. Miss Roberts gave a suggestion.

"Mother Passmore, the gardener next door might know a bar with one.

You want me to ask him to go down the road and check?"

He agreed to go down the road and returned with a dusty bottle of Three Man. Maude joyously confirmed the taste to be true and they finished the mix. Mrs Branch Majors went for a jar at the very back of the fridge where a large bottle with a blend of spices was kept to stay fresh. That bottle of spices had its own separate and private history.

The mix filled five loaf tins and took more than an hour to bake, but when it was finished the entire house was filled with the aroma of a spicy bun. When they were cooled, Maude added the final glaze.

Tyrone visited later and when he was leaving Lily Rose proudly presented him with a loaf wrapped in aluminium foil.

"As promised Ty, my first Easter Bun." Tyrone took the package, hoping that he disguised his skepticism. Lily Rose had told him about her "heart friendly" recipe, but he knew his family's tastes and hoped that she had not veered too far from tradition. Watching from the sidelines, Maude held her own bun under a tea towel, waiting on an opportunity to make the switch.

Tyrone gave Lily Rose a goodbye kiss, "Wonderful my darling. I am sure that the family will ...appreciate your effort."

Maude was desperate as Lily Rose remained standing by the door to watch Tyrone walk to his car. She called out.

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"Tyrone, I need you to give your grandmother something for me. Come to my bedroom."

Lily Rose remained by the front door.

"Just rest the bun here Tyrone, and reach down that box for me."

Tyrone did as she asked and when he was not looking she made the switch. The box held old photographs and Maude took up an arbitrary one.

"Ask her if she recognizes these people, I forget."

When Tyrone telephoned the next day he was full of praise saying that the bun never lasted the night.

"Darling, I am so happy that you decided not to do a low fat version. Your bun was so rich and gummy and full of flavour. Don't worry, my father took only a small slice but he thoroughly enjoyed it. You really have the taste of Easter."

When she rang off, Lily Rose looked across at her grandmother.

"That bun couldn’t be mine."

Maude rested her handwritten family recipe box in her granddaughter's lap.

"Now it is dear. It is."

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Looking For Her Roots “Grandma Maude, I’m back!” Lily Rose called as she walked through the front door pulling her suitcase-on-wheels, talking all the while. “New York was fabulous, Tyrone and I didn’t do any of the touristy things but ...Grandma Maude, What have you done to your hair?”

Maude was at her dressing table mirror with a hand-held mirror reflecting the back of her head so that she could inspect the fine plaits that created rows from her forehead to the nape of her neck. She put down the mirror and tilted her cheek to be kissed.

“Did you go to Haarlem?” Maude asked.

Lily Rose gave her a chups and leaned on the dressing table beside Maude.

“So what's new Grandma?"

"I am going back to my roots."

"How exciting! Is Daddy going?"

"I was hoping that you would, Lily Rose."

"I would love to...but the wedding is in two months...I just couldn't take any more time off from work."

"It's not going to take more than one day."

"How can we visit Portugal in a day?"

"Who said anything about Portugal? I'm talking about Accompong in St. Elizabeth."

Lily Rose sat in stunned silence. When she spoke again it was with a soft voice, just in case her Grandmother was having a 'senior moment.”

"Grandma, your ancestors, were the deFurtados from Portugal who came before the British.

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“Not all of my ancestors were Portuguese."

Maude gave her Granddaughter's ample bottom a slap.

"Ouch," Lily Rose squealed.

"You got your colour from your grandfather but that backside came from me my dear, and I got it from my Great grandmother who was a born African."

"All right, yes, you have some black blood in you, but why Accompong?"

"The Maroons have kept the African traditions alive, and tomorrow is the great warrior Cudjoe's birthday. I want to be with my people."

Before midday the following day, Lily Rose and Maude were on the narrow, road to Accompong. The two women were grateful for the air conditioning as they crawled in bumper-to-bumper traffic up the mountain.

The entrance to Accompong was a gateway and men stood at the gateposts holding a stout piece of rope across it. A bearded middle-aged man peered into their vehicle with a scowl and called a price. Grandma Maude lowered the window and spoke to him.

"Good day young man. We'd like to go inside."

Lily Rose pulled up the handbrake and fumbled around in her purse while muttering under her breath.

"Grandma Maude. We have to pay."

"Nonsense! We are African descendants, not tourists. Sir, lower the rope."

Lily Rose lowered her window and offered notes to another gatekeeper who counted them and nodded to the bearded man. Maude, who did not see the financial exchange, spoke triumphantly.

"See, you have to be firm and not let people walk all over you. We deserve to be here."

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Lily Rose steered the car through the congested main street of the hillside district. There were scores of motor vehicles and thousands of people moving around. She parked and they disembarked wondering what to do. Lily Rose slid on her sunshades and touched her hair to make sure that every strand of her permed ponytail was in place. She was chic in a pink cotton blouse recently purchased in a NYC boutique tucked into skinny jeans. Her navy blue leather loafers matched her belt and handbag. Maude wore an ankle length short sleeved shift and tie head made of an African inspired print. She wore leather sandals and black and red John Crow beads that she had stored from the Independence '62 celebrations. The crowd was walking towards the faint sound of drumming, so the women followed along.

Both sides of the district road were lined with vendors selling clothes, kitchen utensils, stuffed toys and chances at Crown and Anchor games. A man held on to Maude's arm.

"Come here Mon, I show you some nice things for you to take back home."

Maude wrenched her arm from him and kept walking. The vendor desisted but called out to Lily Rose.

"Hey girl, when de lady see everything, bring har back come ova yah."

Maude looked disappointed.

"What a rude fellow. The Maroons should not allow him to come into their village."

The crowd kept getting thicker soon the throng was cocooned by rhythmic drumming that seemed to melt each individual heartbeat into one pulse.

Maude said, "I want to see".

She slipped through a gap in the crowd and was swallowed from her granddaughter's view.

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"Grandma Maude! Grandma Maude!" Lily Rose cried frantically, but she too found herself being swept along and her cries of concern blended in with the general noise, and no one paid any attention.

Maude, used her age to her benefit and was allowed access to the nexus of the celebrations which was under a huge mango tree. Maude prepared herself to see a dazzling display of bare breasted virgins and spear carrying youth dancing in circles while gaily dressed men seated behind huge drums would beat a rhythm guided by the clapping hands of a choir of women. She eagerly stepped forward to see the glory of a West African festival replanted in the West Indies. When she poked her head into the inner circle she was shocked.

The drums were there all right. Six old men who sat on small, low, wooden stools while they played square goatskin drums. A pair of elderly women played the graters and another old man added a layer of rhythm with gourd shakers. Some more matrons were singing in a mixture of English and phrases from a centuries-old African song. Their voices were as strong and natural as the rough bark of the tree under which they sat.

One of the women put down her instrument and broke away in a dance where she bent one of her legs and shuffled from side to be joined by an old man who moved behind her with legs locked together at the knees. The crowd stood, absorbing their energy until it shifted suddenly to allow a man to stagger into the circle.

"Not another geezer", Maude thought as the man seemed to use all his energy just to stand straight and put a cow horn to his lips. He sounded a message in short, high notes and another man sprinkled a clear liquid over the heads of the crowd. A few drops fell on Maude's cheek and as she used her fingers to wipe it away, realized that it was white rum. Then, starting with the horn-blower, persons draped the performers with green vines and leaves and slowly, the group moved towards the district square. Maude felt as if she was back at school in Colonial Jamaica. Under a marquee, Page 22 of 29

dignitaries sat and oversaw recitations of school children, dance acts and choral singing until the Colonel gave a speech. Bored, she shuffled away until she gained the main street that was now choked with vendors. Every five feet there was a soup pot or a drum pan grill. The late afternoon sun was now beating down on her head. She sank on a spare patch of grass and, numbed by the call of vendors and dust in the air, she dozed off.

"See her there! See her there!"

Before Maude could adjust her eyes she was being hugged tightly by Lily Rose.

"Are you all right, Grandma? I nearly died with fright when I lost you, but I kept telling myself that you are OK." Maude looked Lily Rose up then down; "What happened to you?"

Lily Rose gave a bashful smile and touched the vines that were wrapped around her neck.

"Oh this...well...I've been accepted as a Maroon and so they dressed me in the green...maybe I have Maroon on my mother's side."

Maude allowed her granddaughter to help her up.

"That may well be, but I have had enough of back-to-Africa."

"What made you change your mind?"

Maude patted Lily Rose's hand.

"I am not an African and the Maroon's won't accept me as one of theirs, so I'll have to stick to the Jamaican motto- "out of many one people"- and just continue being a Jamaican instead. I never realized until today what that meant. Let's go home dear. To Kingston and a hot bath."

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Summons Served The news said that a lawyer had been indicted for fraud, but Maude was distracted from listening because Microchip, her dog, was barking at someone at the gate. She glanced at the policeman’s sleeve before greeting him.

“Good day Corporal, what can I do for you?”

“Good morning Ma’am. Are you Maude Passmore nee deFurtado?”

“I am.”

She took the piece of paper that he passed through the grillwork even as he spoke.

“I hereby serve you a notice to appear at Her Majesty’s next Circuit Court thereby to serve as a common juror.”

The date was two weeks away so she put it under an ashtray on the coffee table.

When her granddaughter Lily Rose came home from work Maude showed her and Lily Rose was outraged.

“What is wrong with these people? Why do they think that they have to harass senior citizens like this? Have you told Daddy?”

“Why should I tell him?”

“How you mean Grandma! He would know what to do. Let me call him now.”

“Call him about what?”

“We can’t have you mixed up in what goes on down there…Hello Daddy, would you believe that the police served a jury summons on Grandma?…

Exactly! It’s plain unreasonable to ask that of someone of her age. She has six days to make an application to the Registrar.” Lily Rose rang off Page 24 of 29

satisfied. “Don’t worry Grandma; Daddy says that he will get Dr. Marescaux to give you a medical certificate to take to the court. The nerve of these people! I have better things to do, than idle for so many days in the courthouse. Plus, I am just getting started out in my career. They must get some of those unemployed persons to do jury duty. Not people who are involved in productive work.”

“So what’s my medical certificate going to say?”

“That you can’t serve.”

“On what grounds?”

“I don’t know, he will find a reason.”

“Well”, Maude said picking up her magnifying glass that she used to read, and peering at the note said, “according to this, the Woman Jurors Rules say that I can be exempt on account of pregnancy, or a feminine condition or ailment. None of which I am able to have at this age. So this should be interesting.”

The next day, Maude called her taxi driver, Mr. Benbow. The plan was that he was going to take her to the doctor’s office to collect the certificate and then to the courthouse downtown to deliver it. Dr. Marescaux greeted her with a grin.

“Mrs. Passmore, I hear her Majesty called you to be a loyal juror. Why they bother with that waste of time thing, I don’t know. Do you know that you can spend weeks down there and they don’t empanel you? If doctors were not exempt, I would be tempted to have myself certified mad so that they wouldn’t call me.”

Maude looked at him with suspicion; “Is that what you put on my paper? Let me see that.” He passed over the certificate. Maude remarked. “It says that I am of advanced age and very frail. I didn’t feel frail this morning when I took my dog for a walk. How much more energy does it take to sit down in a room and listen?”

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“You are comfortable walking the dog, Mrs. Passmore. The courthouse would be a whole new milieu and that can be deleterious to your health.”

Maude returned to the taxicab and told Mr. Benbow to take her downtown where she could hand in her medical certificate. It was on the hour and a newscast was on the radio. The announcer droned on.

“The case against noted Attorney-at-law and former Senator, Dunn Dunrobin, brought by farm worker, Alfred Shettlewood, will be called in the Kingston Circuit Court on the 11th of this month. Mr. Shettlewood claims that he gave Mr. Dunrobin money to buy a parcel of land just before he went to work in Canada last year. On his return, Mr. Shettlewood visited the land and killed a herd of goats that was tied was tied out to pasture, only to be later sued by a Mr. Elias MacField who was the true owner of the land and the goats. On inspection of the title, Mr. Shettlewood says that the parcel was 20 hectares less than he agreed with the vendor, and that Mr. Dunrobin defrauded him of $4 million.”

Mr. Benbow sucked his teeth in disgust, “All like that lawyer the jury fi find him guilty and lock him up.”

“You would serve jury duty Mr. Benbow?” Maude asked.

The man raised his eyebrows.

“Me Mother Passmore? So when me go siddung eena courthouse fi three, four week, how me and me pickney dem eat? That is not for selfemployed people. Is people like housewife and civil servants who not doing any work must go serve jury duty. That is why I come off-a the voter’s list.”

Maude looked at the back of his head in silence for a few moments as she thought carefully then gave him a new instruction.

“You have a point. I’m not going downtown again today so turn around the car and take me home.”

On the morning of the 11th Maude woke up early, and as was customary, saw Lily Rose off to work. Then she returned to her own room Page 26 of 29

and opened her closet. It was going to be a big day for her and she wanted to look her best. She chose a pale green dress with a faint yellow pattern.

As it was short sleeved, she pulled a lightweight black jacket over it. At 9:15 Mr. Benbow tooted his horn at the gate and Maude went out to meet him.

“Where we going today Mother Passmore?”

“Public Buildings East, King Street.”

“Public…you mean down-a Supreme Court?”

“I do. Drive on, man.”

When they arrived at the courthouse, Maude borrowed his cellular telephone to call Lily Rose at work. Her Granddaughter said nothing for a moment before she spoke in a quiet voice.

“Didn’t Dr. Marescaux give you a letter?”

“Oh yes. I tore it up.”

“That courthouse is not good for your health!”

“Living in Kingston is not good for my health.”

“Grandma, it’s not fair. You have already paid your debt to society.”

“But I am not dead in society. I’ve voted in every election.”

“Why do we have trial by jury anyhow? It is all a grand waste of time. You are to be judged by your peers. If some crime was to be committed against me right now and I went down there, I would not find people like myself. It would be unemployable people or worse, some housewife who had no clue about the real world.”

“A dimwit housewife like me, I suppose. Well, if we are the ones to keep the system going, so let it be. It may not be perfect, but it is a sight better than having three judges deciding everyone’s fate.”

“OK Grandma, I know that it is a worthy system, but why you? It’s a rough place.”

“I’ll be just fine. See you this evening.”

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Maude went inside and found the Juror’s Registrar and presented herself.

The man looked at her in surprise; “You are Maude Passmore? It says here that you are 58 years of age.”

“Thank you for the compliment young man, but I am actually 85.”

He mumbled something about careless clerks then leaned forward in a whisper.

“Ladies like you don’t have to serve, you know. The police should have known better. Why your family didn’t look after you? Cho. Just hold on a minute and let me…”

Maude straightened her back.

“May justice and truth to be ours forever. Sir, stand aside. Duty calls.”

The End

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