DAMZEL Issue 03 | May 2017
DAMZEL EDITOR IN CHIEF / CALEY BERG CONTENT DIRECTOR/ MORENIKE OLORRUNISOMO EDITORIAL ASSISTANT / AYANA JOHNSON CREATIVE DIRECTOR / HANNAH MCKEATING DIGITAL ART DIRECTOR / ROQUE RUIZ CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS / CY BRUCE, SHIVA MIRZAHAIDAR
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editor's note
My Dear Readers, I hope this letter finds you in good faith. I hope you are livin’ large and aren’t counting calories-unless that’s your thing, in which case, we support you. Here at Damzel, we have one mission: to make boys say “ew!” or “ick!” or “Grody!” That’s why we only cover topics like period underwear, masturbation, and wet dreams about DILFS. We have been working tirelessly to bring you the kind of content you have to hide from your little brothers. It’s important to us that you feel a sense of belonging with your other female peers, but we also want to challenge the idea that we have to be serious about it. We want Damzel to be a place where you feel comfortable to not only say “eat a bag of dicks,” but also say, “I wonder how hookup culture has evolved over the past decade and what the consequences are?” This a place for you to sit back, flip through a few sort of funny articles, question the patriarchy, and-- more importantly-- be yourself. Welcome to Damzel, Eat a Bag of Dicks
Editor in Chief
CONTENTS pg. 5
pg. 9
CULTURE
REVIEWS
Go to Music City. Stay for the drinks.
God Knows Where I am Millennials Are... The Elderly's Glorified Punching Bag
pg. 7 SHITS AND GIGGLES
No Pets Allowed Who Wants to Shoot an Elephant?
Ask a PHD: Q & A with Professional Hair Dressers
REISE | PAGE 2
Go to Nashville for the music. Stay for the Drinks. By Ayana Johnson
A very simple daily agenda to drinking your way through Nashville if you’re not going there to become the next greatest country star.
10am: You finally arrive in Nashville after a long morning of TSA and tiny intercontinental planes. What’s on the agenda? Immediately check in to the hotel and freshen up. Why shower? How about because this may be the only time you’ll be sober in a bathroom for the next 72 hours. Make the best of it. You’re about to embark on what is essentially a mini Johnny Cash bender, and this is not for the faint of heart. Preparation is key because after this moment, it’ll be touch and go with makeup and dry shampoo will become your best friend. No time for a siesta because mimosas featuring brunch are calling your name at Biscuit Love. Perfect start to a weekend getaway with pals. 12pm: Fantastic. You’re stuffed, tipsy, and in good company. The only logical thing to do next is find a trendy bar to day drink at until your 4pm nap in preparation for evening festivities. If you’re staying in midtown everything is about a 10-15 minute Uber away, so your options aren’t limited. Bar No. 308 will get the job done for you and that one Brodie in your group who enjoys the experience of a craft cocktail a bit too much. You’ll put up with him in the name of classic country greats and a few old fashions in your grip. Who knows, you may even find yourself singing a Loretta Lynn Conway Twitty duet with him at some point in the night. 7pm: Dinner time has arrived and Bartaco is the place to be; or so you’ve heard from your hipster neighbors down the hall. Mexican in Nashville you ask? All that needs to be said is if you love delicious marinated meats, salsas, and ordering sets of tacos only to devour them within minutes this is a must try. Vegetarian? There’s options for that too. Pair a dangerously strong watermelon lime margarita with a sesame ribeye taco and you might just begin to call Bartaco home. 9:30pm: It’s time to truly unleash your inner tourist and make your way down to Broadway street (better known as Lower Broad if you’re trying to keep up the appearance of a seasoned vet) and your first (or last) stop must always be the legendary Tootsie's Orchid Lounge. Live music, cheap beer, and if necessary, a late night burger and crinkle fries, add fried bologna. If you find yourself back here at 1am slow dancing with an old cowboy to a Merle Haggard cover band, while the jingling tip jar makes its way around the smoky bar, you’re doing something right. 11pm: Take a few steps off Broadway for some two stepping at Wildhorse Saloon. Swear up and down on whoever’s grave and to which ever god you want that you will never stand in a line kicking and stomping in a pair of cowboy boots, leave your pride at the door and engulf yourself in a world of honky tonk. Will you regret it? Possibly. Will you be three sheets to the wind and only have the word of your best friend to base this memory on for the next ten years? Hell yes. Wash. Sleep. Repeat.
Ask a PHD: Q&A With Professional Hair Dressers By Ayana Johnson
What’s the most memorable thing a client has ever told you? “That I cut her tentacles of her head and that I should’ve given her time to retract her tentacles. She cried for half an hour.” -Tisa Watson, 34 years of experience. “That I look like Selena Gomez.” -Marisol Mares, 5 years experience “Oh gosh. They cried because they were so happy with the cut. They thanked me for making me feel pretty.”- Alison Rea, 12 years experience If given the chance, what would you do to Donald Trump’s hair to improve it? “I would shave it off.” -Claudia Calderon, Apprentice 3 years of experience “I would dye it black.” -Marisol Mares “I’d probably make it even more ginger.” -Alison Rea Best 90s hip-hop song to cut hair to? “Outkast. Outkast takes me back.” -Tisa Watson “Easy. Poison.” -Alison Rea Who’s your celebrity hair crush? “Emma Stone.” -Claudia Calderon “Bridget Bardot.” -Marisol Mares “Arielle Vandenberg, but actually Haley Williams.” Alison Rea What’s the best part of your day? “Going home! Or the last client of my day.” -Marisol Mares “In the very morning when I get here at 8:30 and set up. It’s the calm before the storm. But I love the whole thing.” -Alison Rea What do you have to say to all the girls out there wanting pastel hair right now? “Money money money. That shit’s gonna take time and it doesn’t last and the integrity of the hair is compromised.” -Tisa Watson “Fuck off. Naw I’m just kidding, I say fucking go for it. Just fucking go for it. Pastel is no commitment because it doesn’t last.” -Alison Rea Fuck marry kill. Jared Kushner, Donald Trump Jr. Melania Trump, go. “Fuck Jared. Marry Melania. Kill Donald.” -Claudia Calderon “Fuck Donald. Marry Jared. Kill Melania.” -Alison Rea If you weren’t doing hair, what would you be doing? “I’ve been doing hair since I was 17. I think maybe I’d be a CPA.” -Tisa Watson “For my career? A barista. I’d probably be a barista.” -Alison Rea
Reviews
God Knows Where I Am
By Mo Olorunnisomo
In a feature article titled “God Knows Where I Am,” Rachel Aviv tells the tale of a woman suffering from Bipolar Disorder… or Schizophrenia… or maybe nothing (according to Linda herself) intertwined with the history of how mental illnesses have been treated in the U.S. and the role civil liberties, selfawareness, and freedom play in treatment options. With such a dense topic, the author somehow manages to draw the reader in by way of narrative instead of a history lesson. This is a captivating story, not a yawn-worthy lecture. But, how does she do it—how does she accomplish such brilliance with each turn of the page? The author is able to make technical terms and history palatable by using conversational language and intertwining a personable case study all encased in what reads like an informative, captivating essay. In terms of aesthetic appeal, the feature piece maintains a simple style throughout using a simple serif font and an occasional drop cap at points of would-be new chapter beginnings. One picture is included at the beginning of the article (pictured above), which wasillustrated by Brad Holland. The author’s simple choices in design help the reader to better focus on content and less on appearance; it is clear Aviv believes that usually the simplest answer is the best answer. To better understand the magnitude of this article, we must first take a step back and consider the publication from which it was produced, The New Yorker—a wellknown, highly regarded publication. The typical New Yorker subscriber is middleaged, married, well-off, and has at least one degree. This typical profile may differ from the New Yorker reader—for example, I had access to the article up for discussion, and I am not even close to any of the aforementioned qualities. Regardless, the more specific target audience may have been people interested in mental health with no regard to age or socioeconomic status. As someone interested in mental health issues, I was initially drawn to the article— but I continued to read because of the presentation. Someone reading this would most likely have interest in the topic beforehand, but if not, they certainly would after the first few paragraphs.
The New Yorker is afroth with articles concerning mental health topics, which seems to be a recurring theme among other wellknown publications as well. This is evidence that concern for situations dealing with mental health issues are being pushed to the forefront of people’s minds, efforts, and actions. The history of how mental health has been dealt with in America is long, shaky, and mostly unethical, and Aviv charts this all out in her piece. When psychoanalytic theories were dominant, patients who claimed they were sane were thought to be protecting themselves from a truth too shattering to bear. In more recent years, the problem has been reframed as cognitive deficit intrinsic to the disease (para 7). But because it is so fascinating, the reader does not even know they are getting a brain full of history while also being given a specific example of its effects on individuals.For starters, Rachel Aviv is a staff writer for The New Yorker and is well known for her writing on criminal justice, psychiatry, education, foster care, and homelessness. She was awarded a Rosalynn Carter Fellowship and an Erikson Institute Prize for her extensive writing on mental health and an American Psychoanalytic Association Award Excellence in Journalism. Her writings have been included in various prestigious collections, and she has also taught classes on narrative medicine at Columbia University Medical Center and Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Based on here background alone, Rachel Aviv is certainly qualified to write about this topic. However, aside from her background, this piece includes extensive hours put interviews and research to thoroughly cover this subject. Like other articles dealing with mental health, “God Knows Where I Am” is filled with facts, statistics, percentages, and primary sources. It is logically written and flows well following a cause-and-effect model while still mingling history into the narrative. But it is more than just an informative report—it tugs at the heart strings. After fully digesting the article, the reader is left wondering “What can I do?” “How can I help?” “I didn’t know things like this happened.” In this way, the piece is also persuasive in that it calls on the reader to care, to speak up, and maybe even to seek more information on the topic. One thing that also sets this piece apart from others is the use of Linda’s entries sprinkled throughout, which add depth and empathy:
She wrote in the journal that she wasn’t ready to “make my presence known—and just start the whole mess again—to prove what—that I’m all right? Have done that too many times.” Two days after breaking into the house, she decided to make the place her temporary home. She would subsist on apples while “awaiting further instructions” from God (para 3). An aspect of the piece to consider is Aviv’s voice in the article—it is essentially nonexistent. Despite the ghostlike presence in her own writing, the voice is strong:Deinstitutionalization was a nationwide social experiment that did not go as planned. Overgrown hospitals were shut down or emptied, but many fewer community centers were opened than had been proposed. Resources steadily declined; in just the past three years, $2.2 billion has been cut from state mental health budgets. “Wishing that mental illness would not exist has led our policymakers to shape a health-care system as if it did not exist,” Paul Appelbaum said in his 2002 inaugural address as president of the American Psychiatric Association (para 26). Rather than injecting herself in the article by way of first-person, she selflessly allows the substantial facts and information to speak while silently reaching out and grabbing the reader with her whimsically pleasant writing style. Reading it evokes similar feelings of a riveting documentary or a captivating film. Considering her background and expertise, why did Aviv choose to write in this way? Aviv’s narrative technique makes the information more appetizing, more flavorful, and easier to digest. How a mother coaxes a child into eating Brussel sprouts by way of layered parmesan cheese, so Aviv coaxes her audience into consuming the vital information and left requesting more. This is mostly done in a subtle way by explaining unfamiliar, technical jargon and slowly, conversationally slipping into the depth needed to cover such an involved topic. Narrative—yet history, lyrical—yet informative, approachable—yet technical, easy—yet deep: all of these opposing yet harmonious concepts are what make this piece worthy of an award. The way an author presents information is what separates memorable articles from subpar ones. Her authority on the topic goes without question, yet her humble voice and narrative approach captivate the reader. When Caitlin learned of her mother’s death, she responded as if she had been waiting for the news for a long time. “My mom made a choice—she could have walked out of that house,” she said. “But she wouldn’t give up her freedom. She could never let go of that person she always wanted to be.” Aviv uses her lyrical talent to present her audience with valid information about the long-time controversy surrounding mental health in America. It nearly goes without saying: this is truly a masterpiece.
Millennials Are... The Elderly's Glorified Punching Bag By Hannah McKeating
As the generation born between 1982-2003 has grown up, a surprising number of feature articles about the traits and generalized characteristics about them have sprung up in major publications everywhere. However, these features aren’t simply about the nuances of millennials. Instead, they’re more commonly about how a single generation is to blame for a lot of what’s wrong with the United States, specifically when it comes to America’s economy and the way millennials are spending money. For example, if one were to google “millennials are”, the search results are as follows: This is fine and all, but it begs the question-- Why on earth is this such a popular topic? Why does the financial shaming and ritual flogging of the rising generation sell so many copies? If the older generations could have their way, millennials would be a clown named Fuck, the Clown. The answers to these questions are not immediately apparent; hidden under the guise of a good game of finger pointing, however, we begin to see that what millennials are constantly blamed for is not entirely a commentary about Fuck the Clown, but actually a wider commentary about the current state of affairs. It’s what Americans across all demographics are terrified of-economic downturn-- and, by God, if someone is going to be at fault for it, it sure as hell isn’t going to be the elderly who created the mess in the first place. Most of these articles begin by focusing on the unique qualities of the generation, particularly negative qualities. Simply by reading the first sentences of some of these articles we can see exactly what the target audience is: anyone older than said millennials. NPR’s piece, “Getting Some ‘Me’ Time: Why Millennials are So Individualistic,” begins by saying, “They are a class of selfcentered, self-absorbed, selfie-snapping 20somethings.” (Raphelson, NPR). Time’s piece, “Millennials: The Me Me Me Generation,” starts off in a similar fashion. “I am about to do what old people have done throughout history: call those younger than me lazy, entitled, selfish and shallow.” (Stein, Time). The Washington Post’s particularly pointed piece, “Five Really Good Reasons to Hate Millennials,” puts the nail in the coffin by beginning with, “‘Millennials,’ amirite? What with their stupid iPhones, and their apps, and their selfies, and their social networks, and their narcissism, and their job-hopping, and their potatoes, and -- well, you get the picture.” (Ingraham, Washington Post). These beginning statements provide proof that articles of this type are opinion service pieces, geared for an audience older than 35.
Commonly being categorized as narcissistic, entitled, and self-focused, much of the arguments made for these accusations stem from the millennial’s knack for social media and an inherent understanding of technology. Considering at one point in my career at the United States Embassy in Jakarta, Indonesia, I was hired for two days by the Justice Department to send an email to 200 people (they didn’t know what BCC was), I argue that this perception of millennial’s technological literacy is, once again, a hook for their target audience. Millennials that come across these articles may not see social media and selfies-people have been connecting with friends, writing about their daily lives, and taking pictures of themselves since sending letters and cameras have been around-- as something that’s a sign of self-absorption. This depiction is attractive to those that were not born in the age of the internet. Once they have established that millennials are, indeed, bad teenager kids, the focus tends to shift away from listing characteristics and onto a general financial issue, looking particularly to the future. In reference to the picture, the most common article titles revolve around a central theme, like, “Millennials are Killing Department Stores,” or “Millennials are Moving Less than Earlier Generations of the Same Age,” etc. Many of these articles are focused on the outcome of the financial decisions millennials make and the consequences they could potentially have on the future of the American economy, in MarketWatch’s article, “How our ‘Everyone Gets a Trophy’ Culture can Lead to Financial Ruin for Millennials,” (Malito, MarketWatch) for example, discusses how millennial’s lack of savings could potentially harm them. The article also discusses something that seems be of great concern in other articles as well, “Young Americans face numerous financial hurdles, including crippling student debt that’s postponing marriages, first homes and families.” The postponing of finding a good job and settling down, which is also sometimes attributed to self-absorption, is a trend the author and the target audience are unfamiliar with, as many of the articles point out. While Time’s article and MarketWatch’s article give some reason as to why this might have happened-- looking at you, older generations that created this economic climate-- many focus on things like the closing of department stores, something that Baby Boomers and GenX’ers considered to be a timeless commodity.
Fear of the unknown and concern for the future is nothing new. However, using millennials as a tool for social and political commentary is a trend that has popped up consistently as the generation has come of age. Millennials also commonly casted as lazy, narcissistic, and unconcerned mean that they have become the existential dog the elderly kick when they’re feeling blue; their bad personality justifies the blame that gets attached to them. While it could be said that such criticisms of millennials are meant to make the older generations feel better about the path of destruction they’ve left behind, which could be interpreted as the older generations acting as narcissistic and self-absorbed as they accuse millennials of being, but that analysis would be very Baby Boomer of me. Instead, perhaps the older generations use their shiny new tool (aka millennials) as a way to cope with the tumultuous future they perceive to be ahead of Americans, and readers buy the copies to gain better understanding about why the grandkids can’t get off the damn phone at dinner time.
Who Wants to Shoot and Elephant? He's killed in style though, and by no means am I speaking on his literal death, but the sad dramatic and anticipating death that Tower In his award-winning piece, Who Wants to creates for him through his writing. The tone is Shoot an Elephant, Wells Tower follows the melancholy. The heart is beating quick. safari vacation of wealthy Texan, Robyn Anticipation throughout is one of the driving Waldrip and the preparation that goes in to themes in this piece and works in conjunction ending the life of an African elephant. with the peaceful scenery and real time quotes. Immediately a machismo attitude is felt by The way every scene is set up with a time of readers from Tower, as he immediately begins day, but not just morning noon and night. No, praising Waldrip and all her glory. He raves times of day that leave nothing up to the about the main huntress, wealthy white fit imagination and for that the reader is grateful female, Robyn Waldrip from very pro-2nd for both the “lavender pre-dawn” and amendment Texas. Not even three sentences “caramelizing” sunset light he describes over in and her physical appearance is already the course of a few days on the hunt with the being described; she’s got it all, looks money Waldrips and their crew. Tower gets the words and brawn. However, pushing through the off the tip of your tongue that you know exactly introduction and understanding that this was but cannot communicate physically; another written for GQ, where the readership is 72% attribution to the satisfaction of this feature males who are mostly single, it makes sense story. Times of day are a universal language and that Tower used the hook of describing an the pattern of the sun is the same everywhere, ideal woman to get readers interested. Once so the fact that it makes its debut multiple past this fact, the glory and award worthiness times throughout is no surprise. Tower is trying began to appear. Never have I empathized to be as relatable as possible on a topic that is more with an elephant until reading and reon the complete opposite end of the relatable reading this inspiring piece of art. From the spectrum. “It is just before dawn,” is how he visual layout of an online book and scrolling begins the piece, a time of day most are still simplicity, to the most eloquent and beautiful sleeping and immediately feel the exhaustion imagery I have ever read, Wells Tower turns of being up at that hour. Quite a few hunting into a delicate and graceful topic that paragraphs in and the day slips quickly away could be set to a Franz Schubert sonata. “In his from the reader as we move in to long-lashed bedroom eyes is the look of an old “midafternoon before [they] spy a candidate for drag queen turning to regard an importunate one of Robyn’s Concord grapes.” Thinking suitor tugging at the hem of her dress.” This is about that paints a picture of hot dry sleepy the sentence Tower uses to describe a sun, especially in the Botswana savanna. Again, suspicious elephant and one not many, if any, very effective in demonstrating how time is would consider to put in a story about hunting working in this piece for both audience and nonetheless about such a powerful creature as author. the African elephant. His success shines Set up as a non-fiction novel, the work includes through here in his constant use of alliteration, 7 chapters and real interactions with Robyn different styles of storytelling, and best of all, read as smooth as a captivating novel. Every the fact that you die right there with the interaction is like this with her and every elephant and feel every single emotion of every emotion she physically proclaims is main party on the hunt. Tower uses quotes, he documented with her words. “That was big!” uses Q&A, he even makes mental lists in which she says to Will. “As soon as we got out of the he physically writes out for the audience to truck, was your heart going?” The most notable understand, and relentless asides to bring the and natural quote that Tower makes sure to young well off male (and some female) readers get down on paper is when Robyn talks to a to the African savanna every single time they fellow mom back home in Texas at the grocery dive in to this piece. His warning that an store (a typical behavior one would expect of elephant is killed does the story no justice her) and when she says, “’I’m going to Africa to because the buildup happens in such a way do an elephant hunt.’ And she said, ‘Why in the that we might actually think he has a chance world would you wanna do that?’ and I’m like, to finish his life naturally, and within a matter ‘Why wouldn’t you?’” This flashback of seconds it is all taken away from the 53-yearconversation is the defining point and very old bull and the reader alike. telling of what type of person she is and how the author feels about her.
By Ayana Johnson
A confident, strong, not-your-typical-soccermom woman. On the other hand, an interview with Jeff Rann, the hunt guide, consists of a quick Q&A that takes up a small space between a couple of paragraphs. Not every single interaction with Jeff is like this, but it’s clear that Jeff is not his main focus and would rather spend his space filled with the perspectives of Robyn and Will Waldrip. Rather, Rann serves as the informational filler and background before diving in to the cinematic portions of the story. The use of conversational quotes in this piece works to make the read more of something you’d pull off the shelf at Barnes & Noble and not come across in an issue of GQ. It is fluid, and although it contains depth and intense feelings towards the circle of life, but still easy enough to read from nearly any perspective. Old, young, rich, poor, pro-life, pro-choice. To make my point, a short story feature that contains seven chapters of high intensity and yet very informative substance, is not what one would expect from the magazine world and thus another contributing success factor. Especially where the author is so present but his presence is vital to the overall tone and feel for the piece to work as well as it does. At times, Tower comes off as a condescending journalist and almost affirms the question of why this particular coverage is in GQ as he so boldly notes the “Western, Dumbo-adoring sensibilities” of his readers. Until he follows it up with something like “it was another kind of time in which a new understanding of death impressed itself upon me more rapidly than my cognition could accommodate,” and swiftly makes you realize why you continue to read on. “He loses ground against gravity and settles closer to the earth.” “At this point there is little the elephant can do except to turn his face away. The last shot claps into the elephant’s ear.” Never have two sentences made me tear up about something I already knew was an absolute event. And with a chapter entitled ‘The Killing’ I should have expected nothing less, yet again, got so much more than I ever anticipated in a feature in GQ about hunting. Chapter three is where everything suddenly hits you at once, the mood shifts, and where I believe the award-winning paragraph to be located. Probably the most devastating and most beautiful thing I have read since Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, Wells Tower describes the entire killing of the elephant from the first shot to his last breath and tear.
So the overall tone can probably be defined as this heightened sense of learning, reworking what the author thought he knew, and new realization to the inevitable. It’s pure discovery followed up with “ah-ha” moments that keep author and reader alike going through with this experience. At times it gets very sad, and others the reader is just as exhausted as everyone else on the hunt, but never does this read take a biased or hateful approach when it could so easily. Tower is navigating in very tricky waters and so effortlessly keeps everything flowing in harmony. Tower provides useful ammo for the young, maybe too confident, avid GQ reader at the cocktail party ready to win an argument about conservation issues. So completely easy it is to picture this topic coming up in conversation and the guy retorting with Wells Towers’ words, “some nonprofits such as the World Wildlife Fund have quietly endorsed it as part of a conservation strategy but decline to discuss their position on record.” Complete and total satisfaction will swell up inside him just as it did for the other thousands of readers who received their satisfaction from simply finishing the narrative, non-fiction, chapter book featured by GQ. Published on June 9, 2014, the world was facing the realities of the Syrian government falling apart and Bashar al-Assad declaring war against his own people. ISIS was beginning to emerge as a stronger power than anyone thought and it was near impossible to open some type of news source without seeing the mention of the problems happening across the world (depending on your location). Being an award-winning journalist, Tower could have easily covered the destruction happening, and done it eloquently too, but instead went up close and extremely personal with the African elephant to capture an experience that many will never have. Not just the elephants but the other species that the Botswana savanna offers like the water buffalo that “scowl sullenly from beneath scabrous plates of unmajestic, drooping horn.” Upon first approach of each creature the hunt comes across, Tower describes the behavior through his quick-witted alliteration. “The big bull shifts its ears, and it is a significant event, like the hoisting of a schooner’s rigging.” It doesn’t take a sailor to understand that the experience is massive and one not to be simply read through and forgotten about. However, that is almost impossible with this read as the mental picture lingers well in to the next few paragraphs. That is until it is replaced with more alliteration mentioning time of day again where “the sun, too, seems murderously slow in its descent.” Sentences only one who experiences life and death and all the in between that goes in to it can write with such ease. Sentences that require real life feelings and emotional fluctuation in order to be so relatable and readable. So who wants to shoot an elephant? The obvious answer would be the person who has tons of time and money to kill, literally. But Wells Tower might describe them as a person who has as much appreciation for the death of an animal as they do for their life. Tower makes sure to document the care Robyn takes to end the life of a fellow animal and properly break it down. The break down is sad but not horrifying. Squeamish but not gruesome. Messy and yet structured. You knew it was coming all along and just like human life, nothing could have prepared you for these emotions. Again, the anticipation is the driving theme here combined with imagery and themes of morbidity and life that make for feelings of stress and sadness. The goal in the piece was not to take sides or debate the virtues of the Waldrips, but rather touch on content in an extremely approachable way that had not been done in the past. By presenting death as such a hardship and process, the topic of morality is so beautifully described and in turn a new found appreciation for life is unveiled.
Pets Allowed
By Caley Berg
The Feature A turtle crawls across a $6,395 glittery Christian Louboutin. A snake frightens well-groomed pedestrians casually walking down the New York City streets. A turkey frantically flaps its wings among passengers on a luxury bus. An alpaca checks out some historic art in a museum. Their owner for the day, Patricia Marx, openly soaks in all the judgmental glares, curious questions and contemptuous banter from employees she encounters. Most writers would have been satisfied working from their laptop in sweatpants, producing a third-person report about the controversial theme Emotional Service Animals (E.S.A.s). In “Pets Allowed,” Patricia Marx fully committed to her hilarious investigative report. And it pays off. The long-form narrative “Pets Allowed” by Patricia Marx was published in The New Yorker on October 20, 2014. Patricia Marx has been a contributor to The New Yorker for almost 20 years. Additionally, Marx is a former “Saturday Night Live” writer and novelist. Her background in comedy writing clearly shines throughout “Pets Allowed.” Marx’s experience helped her develop an entire comedic narrative around a highly-sensitive topic without offending the masses. Service-animal owners take their rights to their companions seriously, and writers walk a fine line when it comes to joking about mental health. Marx acknowledges this conflict, noting that “people with genuine impairments who depend on actual service animals are infuriated by the sort of imposture I perpetrated with my phony E.S.A.s..” Yet, in a way, Marx’s point of view was in their favor— she doesn’t directly mock those who need service animals; she satirizes the real phonies, like Ivanka Trump, who abuse the system on a daily basis and delegitimize the service animal programs for people with actual disabilities. Within the first two paragraphs, Marx immediately establishes her persona as a calm, careful observer of absurdity and the subjects in her social experiment as fairly wealthy people who tend to bend the rules in their own favor. The development of these two aspects— writer’s tone and surrounding environment— are essential to the success of the piece. While the essay did receive backlash from some readers, overall, it was successful. If Marx had directly ridiculed those individuals with disabilities, then the piece could have been disastrous. Instead, Marx chose to form most of her humor around the assortment of animals’ behavior and the public’s reaction to the casual accompaniment of her ‘pets.’
“Pets Allowed” is written as first-person investigative journalism; the writer uses personal pronouns and readers are experiencing the series of farcical situations right along with her. The writer’s presence is important in this piece, because the reader needs the writer’s eyes, ears and voice. She designed her own social experiment as the pioneer of extreme service petting, and so her insight is unique and valuable. Although the writer’s voice is strong, she does not include too many authorial nudges and mostly lets the reader react to the piece on their own. Considering Marx was an active participant in most of the stories, she voids herself of bias and emotion quite professionally, and when she did express emotion, she used it comically. For example, Marx admitted to becoming “a bit emotional around [her] emotional-support animal,” ironically setting the scene’s mood as emotionally draining for everyone involved. Another time she expresses emotion is when she reveals she is going “undercover as a person with an anxiety disorder (not a stretch).” Perhaps Marx omits emotion to adhere to genre conventions for both satirical writing and investigative reporting. A few articles had been published about this subject at the time of its release. For example, the New York Times published an article titled “Emotional Support, With Fur, Draws Complaints on Planes” in 2013. This was a third-person report covering the views of both sides: flight attendants and passengers with allergies condemn dogs on planes, while people with E.S.A.s. can’t imagine traveling without their pet. Marx was the first writer to take on the messy investigative work involved in uncovering the surprisingly simple process of claiming an animal as an E.S.A.. Something about the relationship between humans and animals is inherently funny— especially interactions between untamed animals and people who do not handle animals on a daily basis (people like Christian Louboutin retail employees). Marx capitalizes on this relationship, building imagery that features furry, feathery and scaly creatures pushing the social elite outside of their comfort zones. These animals do not hold back their animalness. This is seen in the author’s description of a “one-year-old pig who oinks, grunts, and screams;” a turkey flapping its wings tied to a leash and plopping down in the middle of a bus aisle; and a snake with a “penchant for coiling all thirty inches of himself around [Marx’s] neck and face.” The author uses this vivid imagery as comic relief during socially awkward situations.
She accepts the embarrassing, boisterous, public displays as necessary to her investigative mission. Additionally, she juxtaposes their behavior with their environment to create situational irony. She provides examples of situational irony in the second paragraph, —“the St. Bernard slobbering over the shallots at Whole Foods... a Rottweiler sitting third row, mezzanine, at Carnegie Hall”— foreshadowing her social experiments that follow. Quite possibly the funniest characteristic of the piece is that the animals are completely unaware of the effect they have on those around them, while the narrator is overtly, keenly aware of the social implications. In fact, some of the animals were stressed out by the crowds of humans. Marx asks herself in a mocking train-ofthought, “Did my emotional-support animal need a support animal?” Marx repeats these situations that flash bold imagery and ooze irony not just once, but four times throughout the piece using her ragtag ensemble of pets. Comedians often use repetition as an essential device to drive tension and release. Not only does repetition serve a comedic purpose in “Pet’s Allowed”, but it also serves to validate Marx’s argument that the system is flawed. To be considered valid, the scientist must repeat the experiment a certain number of times, producing the same results. Marx does exactly this, repeating her social experiment using various subjects in order to synthesize the public’s reaction enough to form a conclusion. Her research question: How effective are Title II and Title III of the American with Disabilities Act (A.D.A)? In other words, how easy is it to exploit the public’s misunderstanding of this law? However, Marx is not limited to producing set results. Instead, the results consist of reactions from staff at various institutions— airport security, airline staff, taxi-drivers, bus-drivers, tour guides, high-end retail employees, spa technicians, Amtrak train agents, CVS cashiers, baristas, and restaurant waitstaff. To simplify, Marx concluded that it is definitely possible to exploit this law, given that she was successful multiple times in extreme scenarios. If she could easily take an alpaca into a convenient store, then people with fake E.S.A. dogs do not have a hard time getting around the city with their standard pet. Furthermore, in the article’s actual conclusion paragraph Marx clearly intended to claim that the system is not changing anytime soon, despite its evident flaws. After receiving a petition of nearly 28,000 signatures, the Department of Justice “responded that they think the law is adequate.”
Another comedic tool Marx uses is personification of the animals. She includes details that reveal the animals’ wild nature, but she also humanizes the animals. By introducing the animals by their names (Augustus the snake, Henry the turkey, Sopressa the alpaca, Daphne the pig) Marx frames the pets as one of the characters within her story. Readers see them as both actors and receivers, laughing at their mischievous attributes and empathizing with them when they are stressed out. In one paragraph, Marx notes animals’ transition from food to friend, as well as the prominence of pets in American households. “Seventy percent [of pet owners] celebrate the pet’s birthday. Animals are our best friends, our children, and our therapists,” she writes, justifying the relevance and cultural importance of her social experiment. One might even argue that pets are the protagonists of the story, because Marx herself is somewhat of an anti-hero, committing fraud in the name of investigative reporting. Typical of the “investigative reporting” genre is the serious undercover reporter, who works for months to years to expose serious crimes, political corruption, or corporate wrongdoing. Investigative journalists are known for producing hard-hitting stories that have the potential to seriously influence cases, policies, and public figures’ reputations, causing scandal. Conventions of the genre include an abundance of research conducted by an established, serious reporter and exposure of a fraudulent system along with a wronged community. In a way, Marx is satirizing the genre itself. Her first paragraph addresses the growing problem of nonviolent criminals: “underage drinkers who flash fake I.D.s, the able-bodied adults who drive cars with handicapped license plates... the customers with eleven items who stand in the express lane.” These crimes are widespread, relatable, and a bit humorous when compared to real criminals. The writer sets up the narrative that she is working to expose a small community of “animal lovers who wish to abuse the law.” She is not an established reporter, but she is an established comedy writer. She also trickles research and statistics throughout the piece to both build her credibility and adhere to the conventions of the genre. Research include facts and/or statements from the I.R.S., the Fair Housing Project, the National Service Animal Registry, the American with Disabilities Act, a book called “Citizen Canine” by David Grimm, and advice from “Animal Liberation” author and philosopher Peter Singer. She also interviewed people with general impairments, such as Nancy Lagasse, who has scoliosis, and some of her friends that abuse the system, as well as Corey Hudson, the C.E.O. of Canine Companions for Independence, who believes the laws need to be stricter. The integration of research and anecdotes keeps the piece from feeling dull at any time.
Marx does not use pretentious or flowery language typical of some investigative reporting published by The New Yorker. She chooses her words for clarity and conciseness. She is able to use diction that is not ostentatious because she is not trying to persuade her audience, nor is she trying to impress her readers with language. She is simply trying to tell readers the results of her social experiment in a funny, engaging way. She often does this through placing monosyllable words at the end of phrases or sentences to deliver a joke. For example, Marx writes “Augustus tickled my ear and then started to slither down my blouse. (Men!)” This sets up tension as the reader imagines the horror of the situation, and then provides release by blaming the snake’s predatory behaviors on its gender. Another example of this joke set up ending in a monosyllable word occurs when Marx is convincing her therapist that she needs Augustus the snake to be her E.S.A.. Her therapist asked, “‘How does Augustus help you with your problems?’ ‘How far back should I go?’ I asked, itching to tell my story about the pond.” Marx sets up the reader to worry about how she is going to justify her need to her therapist, and the reader feels release after the word “go” and “pond.” When said aloud, the word “pond” is harsh and abrupt. Marx ends a lot of her comical sentences with this kind of sound— for example, she recounts that “the alpaca, whose name was Sorpresa, started making a series of plaintive braying noises that sounded like a sad party horn.” The emphasis at the end of the sentence on the word “horn” produces a blunt, hard sound quality. The joke is unobstructed by ornate language. Marx’s dialogue is not obstructed by flowery language either. A typical example of dialogue is exemplified by Marx’s exchange with an employee at a Chanel boutique: “‘Hello. I’m looking for a pocketbook that will match my snake,’ I said to a salesman. ‘Maybe something in reptile.’ I shuffled Augustus from one hand to the other as though he were a Slinky.” It is important to note that in the majority of the dialogue Marx writes, she stays away from color verbs. Instead she uses “said” and “asked” in order to avoid bias and let the readers feel things for themselves. This makes her a more credible storyteller and is often used by journalists who write hard news. Since the dialogue reads as dry, her tone translates as dry. Yet she also includes small details, such as how her handling of Augustus emulates that of a Slinky, revealing she is also a highly-observant narrator. The reader interprets her jokes and irony on their own without any hints from Marx.
“Pets Allowed” exemplifies the storytelling principle of showing, not telling. The reader engages with the piece through interpreting the dialogue of average people reacting to unexpected situations in which the writer forces them to either accept or reject her agenda. Surprisingly, most choose to accept the writer’s proposal to bring the wacky animals along for the ride.
Ultimately, like much of satirical writing, Marx’s piece serves as culture criticism. It critiques people’s fear of offending others. Most of the employees allowed Marx’s “un-cuddly, nonnurturing animals” to accompany her because they were afraid of offending her. They saw her E.S.A. card and they actively chose not to question her credentials or their policies any further. In most cases, they would have discovered that they 100% have the right to reject her. But that causes conflict. And in today’s PC culture, many people live in fear of not only displaying intolerance, but also their intolerance going viral. No one wants to be the victim of the next mass online attack or boycott. The alpaca’s owner conveniently lays out how Marx anticipates the audience’s reaction to her piece: “I’m not sure whether it reaffirms my faith in humanity or destroys it.” The Magazine Founded in 1925 by Harold Ross, The New Yorker is “a weekly magazine offering a signature mix of reporting and commentary on politics, international affairs, popular culture and the arts, science and technology, and business, along with fiction, poetry, humor, and cartoons.” Almost 100 people contribute to The New Yorker on a regular basis, and the site lists 15 people as their featured contributors. The magazine is circulated in print and online, and it makes most of its money from its subscribers, because it features limited advertisements. Now, who are the subscribers? The readership is not limited to New York— over half of the readers dwell in the top 10 metropolitan areas. They are typically wealthy, well-educated, middle-aged people, skewing older. These demographics directly influence the type and quality of content it publishes. Many readers primary values may be that their political disposition skews liberal; their secondary values may be that they wish to be informed, educated and entertained with humor. “Pets Allowed” specifically appeals to The New Yorker’s readership, because the writer absorbs the reader in a narrative about a minor problem they may have experienced, condoned, or even partook in. The setting— high-end restaurants, stores and multiple public transportation scenes —is likely to be relatable to The New Yorker readers’. Readers are able to recognize the humor in social norms being violated at these familiar public places.
Marx does not marginalize any community, because she knows her readers may be on either side of the issue. Instead, she writes with an angle that entertains and enlightens. She relays firsthand how easy it is to exploit E.S.A. laws in a manner that is not highly personal, nor judgmental. It teaches her educated readers about the process of obtaining an E.S.A. card, while also providing funny cocktail party conversation about the crazy lady that brought a pig on an airplane. Online, the magazine is separated into sections, and readers can click on individual titles of stories within each section. “Pets Allowed” is listed under the “Our Local Correspondents” section, which features articles from reporters based in New York. Other pillars— topics that are touched on in every issue— of The New Yorker include News, Culture, Books, Business & Tech, Humor and Cartoons. The magazine does not encompass one sole niche. Most of the other articles are densely-researched and some are investigative in nature, like “The Accused” by Jiayang Fan. “Pets Allowed” is one of few humor pieces on the first page; its genre satirization is amplified by the fact that it resides alongside serious investigative reports. The New Yorker has published highly-acclaimed investigative reports, such as Seymour M. Hersh’s uncovering of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal in Iraq in 2004. Considering the magazine’s history in investigative reporting contextualizes Marx’s comedy piece for readers. The article itself is formatted with mostly text, containing only two photographs: the author checks out at a convenient store with an alpaca and waits with a pig in an airport terminal. There are no other illustrations, sidebars, jumplines, graphics, or pull quotes. This makes the article a lean-back experience because the writer controls the narrative, rather than giving the reader the opportunity to hopscotch through content. The article is structured in the form of several linear anecdotes with the writer’s commentary dispersed throughout, and so these are not necessary to its storytelling. The omission of these special design features affects the reader’s experience by requiring the reader to focus their full attention on the natural progression of the story. There are no distracting sidebars or quotes to pull the reader out of the moment. The author’s words become more impactful and absorbing, enhancing the authenticity of the reader’s experience. Marx wants the reader to experience the absurd situations as they happen, in hopes that the reader will also adopt a critical lens of their culture.