DAMZEL Issue 02 | May 2017
DAMZEL EDITOR IN CHIEF / CALEY BERG CONTENT DIRECTOR/ MORENIKE OLORRUNISOMO EDITORIAL ASSISTANT / AYANA JOHNSON CREATIVE DIRECTOR / HANNAH MCKEATING DIGITAL ART DIRECTOR / ROQUE RUIZ CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS / CY BRUCE, SHIVA MIRZAHAIDAR
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editor's note
My Dear Readers, I hope this letter finds you in good faith. I hope you are livin’ large and aren’t counting calories-- unless that’s your thing, in which case, we support you. Here at Damzel, we have one mission: to make boys say “ew!” or “ick!” or “Grody!” That’s why we only cover topics like period underwear, masturbation, and wet dreams about DILFS. We have been working tirelessly to bring you the kind of content you have to hide from your little brothers. It’s important to us that you feel a sense of belonging with your other female peers, but we also want to challenge the idea that we have to be serious about it. We want Damzel to be a place where you feel comfortable to not only say “eat a bag of dicks,” but also say, “I wonder how hookup culture has evolved over the past decade and what the consequences are?” This a place for you to sit back, flip through a few sort of funny articles, question the patriarchy, and-- more importantly-- be yourself. Welcome to Damzel, Eat a Bag of Dicks
Editor in Chief
CONTENTS pg. 6
pg 18
LOVE AND ROMANCE
ASK A COLLEGE STUDENT
God Bless Tinder
What's your best party trick?Â
pg 7
pg 22
SHITS AND GIGGLES
DAMZELS OF THE MONTH
Let's talk Period Panties
Looking to the Light
So you had a wet dream about a DILF. What's new?
You Too Can Kick Ass and Take Names: An Interview with Dr. Delia Paskos
5 Organic Beauty Secrets that Gwyneth Paltrow would Endorse
REISE | PAGE 2
Literally no Different than aspirin.
God Bless Tinder
Let's Talk Period panties By Caley Berg
You rise from your middle school desk and wonder if you’ve sat in something weirdly warm and wet. Behold, Mother Nature has clearly decided middle school life didn’t already suck enough and she’s paid you a visit. You awkwardly whisper “girl problems!” to the football coach teaching your class and flee to the nurse’s office, which you leave wearing a pair of bright-yellow sweatpants two sizes too big and waddle back to class with a massive wad of cotton between your legs. Thank goodness we survived middle school to enjoy the age of hoverboards, self-driving cars and pizza at the click of a button. We live and breathe convenience. So, it’s about damn time we modernize our medieval period practices to better suit women’s needs. Fashion brand THINX invites all to join their bloody revolution. In January 2014, THINX introduced a new kind of underwear that saves women and girls the horrors and flashbacks from middle-school period taunts. Not to mention, it saves women thousands of dollars on taxed tampons and pads. THINX underwear claim they are absorbent enough to replace traditional feminine products. According to its website, THINX underwear are “made up of four bits of tech that makes ‘em antimicrobial, moisture-wicking, absorbent, and leak-resistant.” But do they really work? Could ANYTHING ever work? There’s no way those tiny, fashionable undies could stop the kind of deluge that occasionally overwhelms our super-plus tampons, right? No mess. No last minute trips to the convenient store. No worrying about that lovely red stain that will be permanently brown in about an hour. No tampons leaping from our purses onto public walkways. Freaking revolutionary.
Many products marketed directly towards women are utter nonsense (take for example, BIC’s pink pens for women). These pinked-out products just happen to cost more than the gender-neutral products. Marketers exploit our own generalized selfloathing and try to sell us pricey merchandise like feminine deodorant spray, diet drinks, or waist trainers. They start targeting from an early age, going so far as to selling toddlers princessflavored Goldfish. However, THINX products actually have usability. And don’t worry—they’re not all pink. Yep—these babies can be used to completely replace tampons, pads & liners, or used as a backup. After one use, ladies can give them a quick rinse, hang them dry and use them the next day. Buzzfeed called THINX period panties “an insane upgrade on your old period panties.” Women have been plagued by period disaster management since the beginning of time: Egyptian women used papyrus for tampons; Greeks used lint; Romans used wool. Then, instead of following this path of advancement, we took a step back—when biblical times rolled around, women were required to be physically separated from men during their period. This practice still happens today. Women in some countries are sent to “period shacks” where they weather the storm solo. Eventually tribal women started synchronizing flows and had their periods at the same time so they aren’t alone, but rather enjoying some girl time while squatting on their piles of straw. By 19th century Europe, women were fed up and said ‘screw it, let’s just bleed into our clothing.”
But the most fascinating thing about THINX isn’t their underwear. It’s who is behind them. The humans that comprise the brand are more than suppliers of period panties. They are people who see the bigger picture. The company has expanded and started a nonprofit organization under the same name, THINX. The group is working to fight the stigma around periods that has threatened women’s safety and health since the invention of period shacks. Don’t be fooled by the playful tone on their website that might appeal to a 15-year-old girl. They are actually doing some important stuff here. The company’s mission states the following goals: “1. Educate & empower girls and women; 2. Eliminate shame associated with menstruation & women's health; 3. Lower our carbon footprint by committing to reusable products.” Additionally, THINX operates on the buyone, give-one model, meaning they are giving away half of their inventory to women in need. The embarrassing middle school period disaster is light compared to women’s experiences in other countries. Some women don’t have access to tools to understand what is happening to their body or how to take care of themselves. According to the book Half the Sky written by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, menstrual blood taboos keep millions of teens in the developing world out of school because they lack menstrual supplies, and one way to prevent this is by providing sanitary pads and ensuring they have access to toilets at school.
My best friend recounts that growing up, her mother refused to discuss her period with her, and she was forced to learn from friends. She was from Egypt, where it is common for unmarried girls to only use pads. Some attribute this practice to the idea that tampons ruin girls’ virginities. Women’s Health published an article last year titled “Around the World in 28 periods,” which included a true story about an Egyptian storeclerk denying tampons to a teenage girl. Wherever you go, you will find some level of period stigma. THINX makes it clear that they do not wish to shame any current cultural practices. Rather, they wish to inform those willing to learn. Providing women with safe spaces to learn about their bodies may prevent harmful health practices in the future. If companies like THINX spearhead efforts to change the global narrative around menstruation, one day there might not be a single woman that has to go lay in a bale of hay when Aunt Flow pays her monthly visit. Rest in peace, soiled undies. We won’t miss you.
So You had a Dream about a DILF. What's Next? By Ayana Johnson
Believe it or not, you probably got your first lady boner as young as 12, or whatever year you first began to babysit for the family down the street and started to realize boys made you feel more than just annoyed. Is that a terrifying thought or a total turn on? Depends on who you are, but whoever that may be, we’ve all fantasized about that dilf you wish would pounce when the oblivious mom turns her back. And when you live in a city as sexy as Austin where all the hot young parents get hard for a marathon and an afternoon at Whole Foods, it’s kind of hard to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.
When did the babysitter fantasy first become a thing? Was it started by celebrities like most unattainable trends are these days, while you’re still struggling just to keep up with last season’s bodysuit trend. More importantly, what the hell am I getting at here? Well, most of the time, the fantasy stays exactly that; just a collection of perfectly formulated scenes acted out over and over in your head where everything is just as perfect as you want it to be. Because as we current and former babysitters know, we all show up gleamingly hairless, in a beautiful short sundress with a fresh blowout to watch puking babies for three hours. Realistic for sure if you live in Hollywood or are the star of a Lifetime movie.
Otherwise, it’s the thought and yearning and greed for the unattainable that drives this common fantasy and works its way into the limbic system of babysitters everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of dilfs out there who probably fantasize about the same thing, but men already get sex without consequences, so to glorify them would just be overkill. Ladies, this is about you, your fantasies, and the fine print we hypothetically agree to but never read until it affects us, when we accept a position of service that has been a symbol of sexuality since the 1920’s. In my experience, this is one fantasy that more often than not, women feel just as in control and probably sexier than any other fantasy out there. You get what’s off limits. He gets what’s off limits. You’re the forbidden fruit that he just wants a taste of and sometimes it just takes a hair flip and a glance to get him to take a bite. Pretty eerie stuff I know, but fuck it, let’s indulge because let’s face it, men cannot live without us. Personally, I have never had the pleasure of taking part in such taboo and “shameful” behavior, but fear not my darlings, the internet and close sources have provided me with the juicy reassurance you’ve all been waiting to hear. Not too long ago, Women’s Health published an article claiming that “nothing good can come from boinking the nanny,” and even got a clinical psychologist to say how the fantasy of hooking up with the babysitter stems from the assumption that “[men are] often emotionally immature due to their sheltered lifestyle and may not think things through before diving in.” Alright Women’s Health, I’m all for blaming the guy, but how about some responsibility on both ends. After all, we’re talking about two consenting people playing out a fantasy that they both share, not a child secretly watching a PG-13 movie because his mom told him not to. Like I said before, let’s not give men all the credit for something we enjoy just as much. You could make the argument that assuming the role of a babysitter is submissive in itself and you are in an inferior position because you are there to serve a family. I would argue that allowing yourself to be inferior is all the more powerful. You’re comfortable with being in a position of submission. You know your limits and aren’t afraid to push them. Especially when it comes to a hot middle aged salt and pepper haired man you know you’re not supposed to be with. Mou Wilson, a Marriage and Family Therapist and expert contributor to Good Therapy, wrote that “although childhood sexuality is a natural part of development, it is often ignored in our culture, shunned, or brushed under the rug as wrong.”
The feeling of guilt and shame is probably the dirtiest feeling humans ever experience. You know exactly what I’m talking about too. Like you just want to crawl into bed, hide under the sheets, and make sure you don’t reemerge until you’re a pure innocent child, incapable of thinking such thoughts. Society is fucked, I know. However, Wilson is one of those really cool educated women who use their brain and their voice to tell people that it’s going to be okay to think a step outside the box. Pretty cool I know. She let’s us know that, “sexual fantasies are often representations of parts of our lives, whether past or present. When we break them down and take a closer look, we will see that they are normal reactions to our life experiences.” You know what you want, so take that $85 haircut he has and pull it hard. It’s like my friend who is employed by a nanny service said to me once, “that man can fuck.” Sometimes I really envy her, as she gets to hang out around hot dads all the time, but then I bring myself back to reality and remind myself that it actually only happened once, and the chances of it happening to her again, or the dads even paying her any mind are highly unlikely. For the record, this dad that she so gallantly scored with was indeed single before all you morally abiding readers send in your hate mail judging the company I keep. But still, had he not been, there would still be a bit of envy swirling around in me, not because she would have been a homewrecker, but because the thrill of actually acting out a fantasy so forbidden is something I have yet to accomplish. I probably never will and should try my chances at Seeking Arrangement (you know that super “user-friendly” app that allows you to become an old man’s “baby”) so at least a guy of fatherly age can pay my student loans off. But a girl can always dream, and anyways, in the end isn’t it our dreams that keep us going. Hey, if you’re really in to it, we’re in the age of visiting other planets, so surely there’s a nice website you can visit to satisfy yourself until you get the chance to share that kinky experience with a dilf. And when you do, I truly hope it is everything you ever dreamed of and then some.
How do you Please a Woman, Little Man? "If you want to be good friends with a woman and to get on her good side, you need to spend quality time with her above all." ~Jackson, 19
"Being right." ~Ethan, 15
"Flowers." ~Bryan, 7
"Communicate with patience and make her feel loved and comfortable. " ~Tanner, 18
Ask a PHD: Q & A with Professional Hair Dressers By Ayana Johnson
Now in SPF 1,000!
5 Organic Beauty Secrets that Gwyneth Paltrow would Endorse By Caley Berg
From promoting unconventional health remedies to encouraging natural beauty products on her website ‘Goop.com’, Gwyneth Paltrow has been not only a beauty expert but also a spiritual guide for thousands of woke women. When Goop suggested walking barefoot to cure insomnia, readers everywhere tossed their Louboutins and rejoiced in their salvaged wet dreams. When Goop informed readers that a ‘milk-derived remineralizing paste’ would substitute for dental insurance, they ditched their dentists. When Goop told readers they all had yeast infections and parasites, they purchased enough cure-all coconut oil to cover the surface area of a small country. And when Goop urged readers to steam their uterus and shove Chinese jade eggs ($60) up their happy valleys for better sex, readers acted quickly and channeled ancient concubine spirits. Luckily, Goop exists for those who seek content superior to traditional women’s beauty magazines. Goop is for the evolved. And women always crave unsolicited advice on how to live their lives. So, in the spirit of enlightenment, here are a few organic beauty secrets Goop followers must try: Perfume To attain an all-natural scent, rely on a swift morning routine to arouse your partner’s olfactory senses. Begin by frolicking out into the nearby forest in a Fair Trade bamboo sundress ($3,000) in search of a field of flowers. Skipping is also an acceptable form of travel. Follow the aroma of daisies. Once you locate a meadow, lie down. But, like, in a real graceful way. Do not fret over that pile of ants. You are one with Mother nature. Seriously, stop fidgeting. The ants will simply part ways around your earthly body. Pose delicately, laugh at the sun, and then give a real serious smoldering look in the opposite direction over your shoulder—a Paltrow pout. Roll around for 3.5 minutes to create a long-lasting natural aroma that will increase pheromones and permanently alter your sweat glands. Now you smell like Gwyneth.
Skin Care To achieve that trendy, dewy skin look, arise approximately at 6 a.m. Wander out into your yard and find a patch of grass. Now, plant your face in the grass like an ostrich in the sand. The dew from the grass will stick to your baby-soft skin. Brush off remaining dirt particles. Check to make sure the neighbors didn’t see. Return inside and blend a daily wheatgrass and charcoal concoction ($50) to alkalize your gut and realign your chakras. Once ingested, this organic cocktail will produce waste that permanently stains your toilet bowl. Do not be alarmed. Activated charcoal is rich in Vitamin C and the skin benefits outweigh the minor interior design problem. Nail Care Nails. Who needs them? Researchers have found that unnecessary dirt and bacteria is stored underneath your fingernails, increasing risk of infection. Nail trimming can be done in your own home, but prior meditation and selfreflection is required. Simply, breathe slowly and allow your mind to think about objective reality rather than your own subjective reality. Recognize how your behavior affects others, starting with the fatal, crippling disease your unvaccinated children might spread at their private school. Bite your nails slowly at first and increase speed and intensity while realizing that the cost of your handspun wool throw pillows ($6,500) could fund a social advocacy campaign for garment workers’ fair wages. Once all nails have been trimmed to the nail bed, sink back into a blissful state, admire your new look and resume position as enlightened beauty expert. Take a nap on your artisan pillows. You deserve it. Alternatively, personal healers offer services to chew your nails off for you ($800).
Fitness The newest fitness trend is deep lunges, as lunges are a natural way of lengthening your leg muscles, stretching your hips and denying your aging anatomy. The goal is to lunge your way down your sacred path towards a Kardashian booty. Count and count until you lose your ego and begin your journey towards self-actualization and a bigger butt. Keep lunging until you distance yourself enough from your inner demons. Remember to kiss the ground after every workout to show gratitude for your white privilege. Hair Products Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow told us to rub yams on our vaginas? Well, it turns out yams can not only kink up your sex life, but also solve your hair kinks! To test this beauty secret, lunge to your nearest grocery co-op (if your personal assistant is not available to do so for you). Enlist the unshaven, patchoulidoused cashier to locate the yam aisle. Thank him and bow, recognizing all 7 of his chakras. Once you are alone, open the can of yams and dump it on your head. Run your fingers through your hair from roots to ends for full coverage. Next, waddle to the nearest restroom kind of hunched-over so the yam juice doesn't drip everywhere. Wait in the nearest bathroom stall for 5 minutes while hair product air-dries and moisturizing properties set in. Feel free to take your daily, soft, slow cry. Convince yourself this is healthy. Exit the co-op without making eye contact with the cashier and lunge your way home. Avoid swarms of bees.
Ask A College Student:
A Q&A By Morenike Olorrunisomo
What's your Best Party Trick? "I can do a card trick... but I need a deck of cards" ~Sierra Brown "I can fit my whole fist in my mouth" ~Paxton H
"I can sink a beer pong shot from behind my back" ~Joey Gathe
"I can open a beer bottle with my teeth." ~ Hannah McKeating
The Best Five places to fight in Ikea with your boyfriend By Hannah McKeating
All long term couples know that the best accelerant for any fight is furniture shopping. This is because there is no escape; it is a labyrinth of bullshit that only goes deeper in politics. There is no escape, which is something you only truly realize after you have a stuffed carrot tucked under your arm despite your lack of children and a handful of pretty drawer knobs that match the decorative plant you’ve decidedly think is ugly but somehow still love. But we’re not talking about your run of the mill furniture, no. We’re talking about furniture that should last you approximately 2 years and will be assembled with a thin metal torture device. In fact, if you think Ikea is just a display of furniture, you’re wrong; in fact, there are different spaces within Ikea that are secretly built for whatever you’re about to bring up. It is the quintessential Ikea secret menu. Either way, If you think a couch would be an apt metaphor for whatever deeper issues you two are going through, here are the best places to bring it up! 1. In between the rugs Luckily at Ikea, the beautiful rugs are on display much like posters at Walmart. Look through their selection with ease by flipping through them as if you were looking through a magazine! Or, if you’re about to cry because someone is stressing you out by trying to force a decision out of you, you’ll be safe to fully let the emotional dam break with limited visibility. You’ll also be standing very close to each other, so if there is a need to throw up the rugs should definitely be your top choice. 2. The display couch that is nailed to the wall Have you been cheated on? What a pig! Get that self esteem back by climbing the shelves to the top where that small display couch is hanging. It is important to note that in order to yield the best results you must reach the top BEFORE your boyfriend, and no matter what he says you mustn’t let him on with you. That would be a safety hazard and he needs to see you from an angle comparable to how a peasant would observe their highness.
3. The lighting section Uh Oh! Looks like the bf is fed up and has said something rude. Unlike with the rugs, this is the time to cry very purposefully with full visibility. There is no better way to shame your mean ol’ boyfriend than to illuminate your tears for all next to the funky lamps and chandeliers. Another thing to bear in mind is the acoustics of the light bulb section. For the optimal amount of attention, loud wailing is suggested so everyone knows what the big idiot has done now. 4. The bunk beds There are two reasons to use the bunk beds. You may be thinking while perusing various bed styles that it would be a good time to bring up your disappointment in the sack. Or, maybe this schlub has the all-too-common excuse for not wanting to use protection and has said “it just doesn’t feel the same,” or, “you should get on birth control.” Whatever your case may be, show him what his future may look like if he doesn’t get his act together by grabbing the railing of the bunk bed and saying, “Might as well just get one of these babies.” This leaves the male mind to speculate as to why you might possibly want bunk beds, which will surely scare him into compliance. 5. The Cafeteria This is the perfect place to bring up all other disagreements and inconveniences. The cafeteria is at the end of your winding journey through this warehouse of aggression, and chances are the both of you just want to get the fuck out of there as soon as you can. Rather than leaving right away, insist on chatting over some meatballs and lingonberry jam. Once you have them, push them away from you and say, “I don’t want to eat this horse meat.” This will surely agitate and frustrate your partner to no end. You have now created the perfect environment to reveal your real feelings about anything. Feel free to bring up something from a month ago you thought you didn’t care about, or how you’re pretty sure his family doesn’t like you. The world is your oyster! Next time you decide that something of importance needs to be discussed, use women’s best kept secret for psychological warfare and take your man to Ikea. Really test his will by being as vague as possible, and be sure to linger in every display room you can find. Once he’s weakened by his own immature frustration, you’ll definitely have the upper hand, no matter what the argument may be about!
Looking to the Light By Caley Berg
A ladybug creeped across the arm of Ana Flores as she sat under a large oak tree. Flores noticed the lady bug, smiled and greeted it as her friend. “Biology is everywhere. You can go anywhere to observe it,” said Flores. Flores always knew she wanted to study biology, and one thing that never changed is her fascination with little creatures. Now, as a sophomore at St. Edward’s University majoring in biology, she is fulfilling her lifelong pursuit to study life in depth. She enjoys all the senses employed while studying biology, but Flores’ favorite thing about biology is talking about it. She thinks that there is a need for storytelling in the science field. She showed interest in possibly pursuing science journalism and talked enthusiastically about various subjects. Flores recounted learning from David Johnson, assistant professor of biology, about how plants constantly talk to each other by sending, receiving and interpreting messages through electric signals. “Humans are self-centered in that we often don’t even realize the life around us. We think that the physical world is our own sphere,” Flores said. Flores enjoys listening to the sounds of night, because “that’s when nature talks the most.” Anyone who knows Flores can testify to her passion for biology. “Ever since she was little, she used to play with lizards and frogs. She would chase them. She’s still very into little creatures. They tend to find her wherever she is,” said Flores’ mother, Ana Arriola.
“Ana is a passionate learner. She is simply interested in learning and gaining understanding. Although chemistry might have not been a subject she wanted to practice in the future, she always showed a relentless enthusiasm for discovering more about it,” he said. In addition to her studies, Flores is also passionate about her family. Her parents were both born and raised in El Salvador, however, they met in Texas after immigrating as refugees to the United States in the midst of the Salvadoran Civil War. One night on a whim, her mother decided to stop at a friend’s apartment, where she first met Flores’ dad. Flores described her mom as good-natured and hardworking, and she characterized her dad as confident with a sense of humor that takes shape in the form of playful yelling. They were drawn to each other and talked all night. In a few months, they would escape to New York to elopeA few years later they welcomed Flores’ older sister, Arlene, into the world, followed by Flores herself, her half brother Miguel and April, Flores’ kid sister, who is wise beyond her years. “April is a little CEO in the making,” Flores said, smiling. “I’m so thankful that I have had the opportunity to help raise her with my grandmother.” April said that she was thankful to have Flores as an older sister. On weekends, they cook together and Flores always tells April about the small details of her day. Along with being a friend, Flores is a mentor to her sister. April laughed when explaining that sometimes Flores teaches her things, and when she brings them up in class, her teachers will say that the subject is too advanced. “My favorite thing is that she cares. She cares a lot,” April said.
Flores applies herself to all of her scientific studies regardless of their difficulty. Coming to terms with the emotional breakdowns that accompany advanced biochemistry labs, Flores has found peace in simply trying.
Recently they have welcomed into the family Flores’ 7year-old half brother Eric, who shares Flores’ passion for exploring outdoors. Eric is her father’s son, who now lives with them in North Austin.
Santiago Toledo, assistant professor of chemistry at St. Edward’s University, has observed Ana’s passion and dedication in his class.
Flores also feels extremely close to her older sister Arlene, an artistic soul fascinated by ancient Roman culture. “She’s my best friend,” Flores said.
As the older child, Arlene grew up more aware of familial conflicts as well as their parents’ financial hardships. Life was darker for her than for Flores. Arlene protected Flores from these family conflicts, which included alcoholism and domestic abuse. Both sisters have struggled with forgiving family members that have acted wrongly. For Flores, forgiveness comes more naturally, because she understands the influence of El Salvadorian culture on the men in her life. Gender roles differ in El Salvador from the cultural norm of the United States. Salvadoran machismo and marianismo are traditional aspects of gender that influence relationships. The concept of machismo gives sexual domain to males and depicts masculine characteristics as superior. In contrast, marianismo encourages forgiveness and moral strength in women; this often translates culturally into women forgiving affairs and other male behavior diverging from the norm in the United States. Flores has felt the effects of this cultural disparity on her life.
Flores has experienced a fair share of darkness in her life. Yet, light captivates her attention instead, enveloping her perspective. She gravitates towards radiance and positivity, in both her personal life and her professional endeavors. She attributes her positive outlook partially to her innate bubbly demeanor, but also to religious foundations and values that have stuck with her throughout life. Her long-term community pastor, Marco Tulio, instilled in her the idea that everyone is responsible for their own attitudes, choices and actions. As far as finding light in her professional pursuits, she does this quite literally: Flores is considering a future studying bioluminescent creatures. She finds it amazing that evolution has led to the creation of organisms that “produce energy, actual light, through biological means.” Flores is drawn to the kaleidoscope of color in these creatures, because she wonders how it evolved.
“Women are often treated differently in El Salvador. Violence against women is prevalent throughout the country. Campaigns against rape culture have recently started to spread awareness, but it’s still a significant problem,” she said.
“It’s a natural phenomenon,” said Flores.
The women in her family provide a strong network of continuous support for each other. Flores’ mother discussed their “very close relationship.”
“Ever since I was little, I loved fireflies. I used to try and catch them. But it’s more than just thinking they are pretty. They represent the beauty and magic of nature. Humans produce light through machines, but they contain this light within them,” Flores said.
“We talk a lot about everything. When we talk about things, we share little details about everything. We talk a lot about our days, our goals and our frustrations,” she said. Flores’ mom said she maintains open communication with her children, because she did not have that relationship with her mother. “I spend as much time with them as I can, even now that they are all grown up,” she said. Flores said she has tremendous respect for her mom. “My mom went through so much, and she always just wanted to protect us. But I think that families that struggle more together tend to be closer,” Flores said.
Flores’ mom said she used to fill up containers with bugs when she was younger. Flores remembered doing this and smiled.
You know this bitch is going to need it later.
How to know it’s time to get the fuck off Facebook By Morenike Olorrunisomo
Since Facebook’s humble beginnings in 2004, it has exploded from a safe space where a user can discuss things amongst close friends to the online version of people shouting from behind a brick wall to their “friends.” I say “friends” because they consist of casual encounters with strangers at Starbucks that resulted in a friend request. So, you have found yourself in the conundrum that is your online presence. Well, you’re in luck! We are here to help you decide whether your tyrannical reign has come to an end! 1. Your Facebook “status” actually reads more like a manifesto Listen, the only people on Facebook who give a flying rat’s ass about your thoughts on BLAH or how you feel about BLAH are your mom and your Aunt Beth who lives in Kansas whom you haven’t spoken to in three Christmases. Personally, I have always been a huge proponent of a character limit on Facebook statuses mostly because it is STATUS and not an online diary—that’s called a blog—you should probably get one—but put it on private so no one has to read your garbage. 2. You have taken a “break” from social media in the past 6 months. If you have come to the point in your life where you felt like it was time for a break on your social media presence, that implies that at one point, you were a crazy lunatic online. And once a lunatic, always a lunatic. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks and you definitely can’t teach someone how to NOT share conspiracy theory articles on Facebook. So if you took a break, do us all a favor and make that a permanent decision. 3. You average more than 3 (and that’s pushing it) posts a day. Are you a 64-year-old retired factory worker? No? Then shut the fuck up and get back to your job or that paper that was due 3 days ago or whatever the hell you’re supposed to be doing that you’re not on account of that Facebook tirade you’re about to subject everyone to. SHHHHH.
4. Your nightly routine involves prowling Facebook at 2am looking for other people’s posts to attack. OMG! Your grandma just said she thinks lethal injection is a “sissy” way to kill prisoners and that we need to bring back the guillotine! What’s that? Aunt Beth is at it again with the Hitler death theories? OH NO! Your best friend from 3rd grade, Mary Jane, just shared a video of a baby safely being used as a human cannon ball! THIS MADNESS MUST BE STOPPED AND JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED. If you resonated with any of the above scenarios, here are your options: Don’t say anything, phone a friend, don’t say anything, send them a private message, or DON’T SAY ANYTHING. These options may also be applied to literally any situation you think you may find yourself in. 5. More than 50% of your in-person conversations begin with “Yeah I was on Facebook last night and…” OR “Well I read on Facebook that…” This is a piggyback off of #4 but can also stand alone. It is possible to be a silent killer—someone who spends hours consuming posts, articles, videos, and memes on Facebook and then later uses them as sources in real-life conversations. Please don’t do this. Please go buy a book, literally any book. I sincerely hope this has helped you to decide whether it’s best for you to quit while you’re ahead—or in your case, so painfully behind that no amount of educated, well-written, and informative posts could save you at this point. If you have any further questions or concerns, please keep them to yourself. Thanks.
You Too Can Kick Ass and Take Names: An Interview with Dr. Delia Paskos
By Morenike Olorrunisomo
You are the key to your own safety: this was the focal point of a visit to Dr. Delia Paskos’ office on a crisp still-winter-but-kinda-spring morning. A cognitive neuroscientist by trade, Dr. Paskos has a lot to say about a lot of other topics—but mostly self-defense. In a world where we are taught that danger could be just around the corner yet given no tools to protect ourselves, who better to talk to than someone equipped with immense knowledge and tools. And it wasn’t just because she wanted to kick ass either. She embarked on this hobby many years ago alongside her fireman husband who is trained in Brazilian Ju Jitsu, a modern martial art where the objective is to pin the opponent on the ground or to otherwise subdue them. With several years of learning under her belt, it is now a whole family affair since she, her husband, and her 3 kids have weekly practice sessions. In addition to Paskos’ love of all things self-defense and martial arts, she also has interest in criminal pathology, calling herself a “forensic file junkie,” so of course when she was asked to teach the Violent Sex Offender (VSO) class at St. Edward’s, she was all but trepid. After a summer of inhaling material on all things sex offender, over 5 years later, she is now what one might consider an expert. Part of the VSO class includes dispelling common misconceptions about sex offenders, the biggest one being who actually offends: “Starting in the Hoover Era, we were provided with this whole ‘stranger danger’ thing. And not only that, we are fed that in the media—I mean you don’t turn on the news and hear about all the children that were abused by family members every day, but you do hear about stranger rapes, attacks, things like that, and they’re terrifying.” Despite what we see on the news, an offender is most likely someone the victim knows and not a complete stranger. But it’s not to say that stranger offenses never occur; according to Paskos, “of course we’re all terrified that some stranger is going to jump out of the bushes—and that does happen—but it’s really unlikely compared to other types of assaults like assault by a family member or significant other.”
Another common misconception she dispels is the notion that people think nothing could ever happen to them saying that “people just don’t think it’s going to happen to them.” But according to Paskos, the fact of the matter is, “ one out of 3 to 4 girls and one out of 7 boys” experience sexual assault—and this kind of assault is severely underreported, so it’s probably more than that. “People feel safe, they feel like they’re in a bubble:” this kind of thinking is especially detrimental for first- year college students says Paskos, “because they’re kind of out of their comfort zone, they’re out in a new place, they’re meeting new people, they’re trying to establish these new relationships, so they might take on a little more risky behavior,” which is why she finds time to discuss these topics in her freshman classes to make them aware of potential dangers and their heightened vulnerability. After several years of teaching the Violent Sex Offender class, Paskos began to feel as though she were doing a disservice to her students—“I bring you into class, I scare the crap out of you, give you all these statistics, and you’re like ‘Oh my gosh I’m living in this horrible, dangerous world!’ and then the class ends and I’m basically saying ‘Yeah but good luck out there!’” And after teaching the class and knowing the statistics for so long, she too began to feel fear for her students saying that “we needed some sort of empowerment” to counterbalance all the scary stuff. A self-defense class was the perfect solution. So Paskos embarked on the necessary procedures to introduce a new class: writing a proposal, talking to the curriculum committee, academic council, etc.
But to her surprise, there was already a selfdefense class taught on campus, run by UPD called RAD. After some investigation, she discovered that a student could not get credit for the class and it was only available to women, which is major because she notes that “half the population doesn’t have access to this class even though they are victims too.” So she revised her proposal asking for a self-defense class that a student could get course credit for, was associated with her class, and is available to both men women. Three years later she was finally able to get the class cleared to be taught; one more year later, she was able to get the defense class paired with the violent sex offender class taking much effort on her part. Thanks to her determination, student are now able to take the VSO class along with the defense class to learn how to get out of dangerous situations—whether sexual or not. Despite all the strides she’s made, Paskos wants to go beyond the new-andimproved defense class and introduce a first-year panel for freshman to attend. Paskos notes that even though some people feel that her methods blame the victim instead of the perpetrator, but she disagrees because no matter what the school does or what laws are passed, we are our biggest defender. “The truth of the matter is that the only person that’s going to be there when you’re getting attacked is you. So it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.” Through all her training and research her biggest tip to those who may never get a chance to take the class is environmental awareness: being aware of surrounds and avoiding dangerous situations to begin with, saying “you have to be aware of where you are. You have to live your life knowing who’s around you, paying attention to weird things. . . . The best self-defense is never getting into the situation.”