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At the end of this e book, you will be able to: Share your jewels , and do miracles in the lives of others. See others with different eyes.
Interact with people in an amazing way, and they will come back to you for more! Practice your giving muscles and begin to enjoy using them!
Learn new ways to understand people and learn more about yourself! Understand how easy it is to find practical solutions to things which other people label as too difficult!
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Table Of Contents Introduction…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….7 Part One: 10 Jewels a good person can give away to anyone!.......................................10 1st. Jewel: Five minutes to listen to people with your heart. 2nd. Jewel: Compliments. 3rd. Jewel: Your sincere smile. 4th. Jewel: Your forgiveness. 5th. Jewel: A view from the window of their soul 6th. Jewel: A pat on the back. 7th. Jewel: Give excuses. 8th. Jewel: Give a word of appreciation. 9th.Jewel: Give a helping hand. 10th.Jewel: Your honest opinion. A word of advice:
What to do If you can’t seem to be able to give any of the above…………21
Part Two: 5 Jewels a teacher can give away to her students!.....................................22
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INTRODUCTION I was thinking some time ago, about the way we affect people whom we meet every day. In fact, I was thinking so deeply about this to a level where I thought how strong the impact we do have on these people, in terms of motivating them, or making them feel worse about themselves. I began to notice each day all the people I get to meet, even for brief moments, and how what I said or did changed their facial expressions. I began to notice how the people who spoke to me also affected my mood, my thoughts and my feelings. There were the people who wanted nothing but to annoy me, or at least it seemed so to me. There were people who said really nice things , which, I truly wished I had a pen and paper to write it down and remember it all day long! I wanted to make it my intention after some thinking and meditating that I will do my best in adding a touch of joy, a torch of hope, of gentleness to the lives of the people I was to interact with daily.
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I was thinking of actually creating a short list of the things I could do to cheer someone up, or motivate to do better in life, and find solutions for problems , instead of just complain about them. My list was made up of ten thoughtful gestures. I discovered that sometimes all I need to do to help someone is to change my thoughts about them, in my mind! Without them even knowing about it. This simple act, eventually , as I realized later, opened the way to a new interaction with some people I thought were really difficult to deal with. After noticing the positive changes which began to take shape, I was so very satisfied with the results, and I decided to write about it, in a very short e book, and share it with other people. I have discovered that these ten thoughtful gestures, were in fact nothing but Jewels. Yes they are Jewels we all possess, and which we can share freely everyday. You can never know how much your tender, caring, understanding words or gestures would affect someone’s life, even for a few brief moments. It does not take a lot of effort to share those Jewels, especially if it comes from the heart. I now invite you to this short journey with me, to discover what these Ten Jewels are, and how to start giving them away every single day. Part two of this very short e book is for teachers. It includes five Jewels which a teacher can share with her students. In this second part, I speak of my personal experience as a teacher, and how sharing these five Jewels made a great positive change for some of my students. They are really so simple, yet so very effective as you will see.
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Please share this free short e book with anyone you know, especially teachers. I hope that my short simple message will remind people of the valuable Jewels we all possess, and which we can share freely and willingly with everyone every single day. Your Motivational coach hania
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Part One: 10 Jewels a good person can give away to anyone!
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1st. Jewel: Five minutes to listen to people with your heart. We often listen to people, but we merely do that with our ears. The meaning of each word is processed through our hearing system. Do you remember sometimes when you wish someone would try to understand what you mean to say, instead of what you are actually saying? Don’t we all find it hard to talk openly sometimes about certain things? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the person in front of you got the real meaning of your words? People are often misunderstood by us. They are often treated as insignificant, and we sometimes tend to withdraw from stories about grief , so we pretend to listen, but as we listen , we are actually saying in our heads:” I wish she would stop this. I already have problems of my own!” I am not saying that we should listen to each and every story ,I am saying the next time someone tries to talk to you, try to listen to them, but with your heart, with your feelings of compassion, and understanding. Try doing it for only five minutes, not more. And they will tell the difference . If they still have a lot to say about themselves, and you need to get on your way, you could be polite and give a word of empathy, and then ask them to be excused to tend to your responsibilities.
Believe me, you will not lose anything from five minutes .
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2nd. Jewel: Compliments. How many times we stand with someone , talking, exchanging meaningless words about meaningless subjects, and suddenly we see, or hear or notice something beautiful about the person we are standing with. What do we do? Nothing, we act as if it is nothing. But it isn’t! Didn’t we see something we just admired? Isn’t it worth mentioning , at least once? How about this: you notice that the friend you are talking to has a very energetic , passionate look in her eyes when she talks about a certain person, and this look is really so sincere and wonderful that it makes your heart revive. What are you waiting for? Tell her! Tell her that when she talks about this person, that you could see how much they mean to her, just from the look in her eyes! That it is so sincere, and so wonderful, and that it just made your heart revive to know that there is someone who still loves with such depth ! I believe it is time that we tell the people we talk to about any beautiful gesture, tone of voice, facial expression, or any body feature which comes to surface while they are speaking with us. I am sure that some people have no idea about how beautiful they really are in and out, because no one bothered to tell them the real truth about themselves. A simple, true compliment could do wonders sometimes in raising someone’s’ self esteem.
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3rd. Jewel: Your sincere smile. Imagine meeting an acquaintance of yours in the street, how do you act when your eyes first glimpse each other? What do you remember, or what do you find yourself remembering about them? Does that affect the way you interact with them? What if it is something negative? And your mind is thinking about it, and they have no idea that you still remember! They seem to be surprised from the look in your eyes, because they really have no idea that what they did to you several years ago is still the one thing which comes to your mind once you see them ,or think about them. What if it was the other way round? What if they were to remember something negative about you, though it might have happened many years ago. And yet you insist on keeping the bad memory! Wouldn’t it show on their faces, every time they see you? Now how would that make you feel? Wouldn’t you like to be given a second chance? I want you to think of being met with a sincere smile instead, and imagine how it would make you feel, how it would affect the rest of your day! The next time you meet someone you know, even if you had bad history with each other in the past, don’t let this determine the way you first meet them. Think of something nice they once did to you, keep that in mind, and remember the feelings which the action gave to you, and then, try to sincerely smile . Remember to brighten someone’s day with your sincere smile!
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4th. Jewel : Your forgiveness. what does it mean to forgive? According to the dictionary, to forgive means to stop blaming, and grant pardon, accept apology, bear no malice, dismiss from mind. Do you know that when you forgive, you are freeing your heart from negative emotions which could indeed harm your life throbbing device ? when you forgive , you are allowing good things to come to you, even if the other person has not done much good to you in the past. With the will of forgetting , you are actually opening the road for a new experience to come your way in terms of dealing with this person. Everyone wishes to be forgiven, for we are not perfect, and when we do something which ends up hurting another person, we eventually get to know about it. It is just the nature of life. Sooner or later, they will know about it. Either they get to be treated in the same way by someone else, and then they will remember their behavior towards you , and regret it, or they could wake up one day, with a sense of guilt. And even if this does not happen in your life time, be sure that when you decide to let go of the memory and transform it into something else, such as to think of it as a lesson from life that there are people out their who will do bad things to others, and promise yourself to never treat anyone in this same way, for now, you know how terrible it feels. And when you do this, you have actually activated a much stronger energy force which works as an cleanser to any negative experience you had because of someone else. To forgive someone is to give them a second chance to do better later. 14
5th. Jewel: A view from the window of their soul. The world is never the same for others as the way we see it with our own eyes. What seems to come naturally and easily for us , could be the most difficult thing for someone else. And this could be applied to anything in life. Remember that everyone has their own experiences in life, and this affects the way they perceive the world. Each one of us has their own levels of tolerance, and limitations. It is true that with a strong will, many of the acquired limitations could be dissolved, but again, it is not the same for everyone. Some people are more prepared for change, and others, well, it is not that simple. Or it could happen, but in very small baby steps. Think about your own self, there must be things which you can do so easily, and there are other things which really seem difficult for you to manage. Perhaps you could actually do those things one day, but it would take you much more time , energy and preparation to get the thing done. While for someone else, it could only take them a very small time to tackle the task. So the next time, you are working with someone, and they do not seem to get the job done right, instead of blaming them, simply think back of your own weak points, and then treat the other person how you would like to be treated if you were to do something which does not come naturally to you. 15
6th. Jewel: A pat on the back. Words like : “ Good job! “, or “ you did it! “ , or “ I knew you could do it !” has a powerful effect, much more than you could imagine. Encouragement goes a big way , when used in the right place, and at the right time. Sometimes, a simple word of encouragement is just the one thing someone needs to hear to get out a little more of their inner strength to accomplish something. We usually use this kind of thing with little kids, but you will be surprised to know how much an adult needs this as well . And yet, no one really gives any attention to the true need of giving an adult a pat on the back as they are really working hard to get something done properly. We just assume that someone working hard is something which is their job to do. But think of the energy surge they could get from that simple praise of yours! I don’t know about you, but I usually find myself wanting to do even better after being given a pat on the back or a word of praise. It just fills me with such power that I feel I even want to do much more. Not to get the praise, but to give it all that I’ve got, perhaps to test my true abilities!
Never under estimate the real power of giving a simple pat on the back.
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7th. Jewel: Give excuses. I know that many times I had wished someone would know about the special circumstances I was going through, but I would never dream of sharing my personal life with some people. And if I had not done something well, even though I tried to do the best I could, given the current circumstances , it would always be my true wish that someone would give me excuses. You could really have no idea what someone is going through in their life , which forces them not to do something well, or even do a lousy job. I know we often run into conclusions that this person or that are simply irresponsible or even careless. But , and I will emphasis this again, you could never know the things they are facing in their own world. I have fallen into the trap of judging people myself, after being dissatisfied with the quality of work or personal behavior I have seen from them. Much to my guilt later, I would sadly get to know about a really sad circumstance they were actually facing in their personal life. I believe it is better to think of numerous excuses we could give to someone, instead of just judging and blaming. And the amount of relief this gives you in the end is so big , that more love flows from your heart, and into hearts of others who really need this kind of gentle treatment and understand. We must learn to give excuses , for only then they will be given to us.
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8th. Jewel: Give a word of appreciation. Wouldn’t it be great if we all stood still for a moment or two, and thought of how we appreciate something a certain person does for us, or for others? Wouldn’t it be even greater if we actually spoke those words to this person, to let them know how we feel? I do not know why sometimes separation either through travel or death is the only thing which makes us think of how precious someone’s work was to us! When I think about it, it makes me really angry, because we had wasted many opportunities where we could have shared some beautiful feeling of appreciation. But how can we get to a point where we would actually find the will to stop everything, live in the moment, and see things as they truly are? I have a suggestion for you, which you could try to do , and see if it stirs your feelings of appreciation for someone you usually take for granted. The next time you see someone doing something for you or for everyone, try to imagine that this person does not exist anymore. What would happen then? Try to imagine your own life, or the place you are in with this emptiness. How does what they do really affect your life and the lives of others? Do not stop there, go to the person, and tell them! Tell them that you really appreciate the comfort they bring into your life everyday, just by doing their job. Tell them, that because of them things go well , things go right, and everything is just great! No matter how insignificant it might seem, each of us has a certain job to do to serve others, and so we are all important.
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9th.Jewel: Give a helping hand. Do not wait to be asked for help, for many times the ego is just too proud to ask for help. When you see someone having a hard time doing something, or dealing with something difficult, take the lead, step forward , and offer to give some help. Do not say : ‘can I help you?’ the most predictable answer would be : ‘ no, really, thank you, I can manage. ‘ it is the nature of some human beings, getting help from others is something hard for them to accept. They have their reasons, of course. One might be the meaning that they are not strong enough, or capable enough. One way for offering help , which I have found to be truly effective , is to actually step in and give a helping hand, without speaking. Or better still to say: ‘ I will give you something which would give you a great result , it was given to me by someone .’ When you think that someone really needs your help, do not hesitate, seize the moment, and act now! do not wait, for many times the help is no longer needed, once you stay stuck in the deciding phase of whether to do it or not. We all need help at certain times in our lives, whether we are ready to admit it, or not. But think of how wonderful it would be when help comes when you least expect it, this way, life would be much more easier for all of us! Do not ask if you could help someone , simply stand up, and just do it!
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10th.Jewel: Your honest opinion. Do not think that by giving your honest opinion to someone, you could be really hurting their feelings, or discouraging them. In fact, there are many ways to say something, and once you choose your words carefully, the benefit of your honesty could be ten folds than it would be if you just want to be nice and hide your true evaluation of their work. I know that many times we ask people for their opinion, and we actually are hoping they would tell us what we want to hear. But if everybody did this all the time, no one would give us a true perspective of how things are. I say that if you want someone’s opinion and you want them to say what you want to hear, not what they really have to say to you, then it is better not to ask. As for giving someone else your honest opinion, even when they are not asking for it , it is worth it. Many times a gentle word of honesty is the magic key which opens the door to new experiences, to knew and better achievements. This is why it is better to give your true opinion , than to just try to be nice, and only mention the good side of things, while neglecting the work that could be done in the weaker area. I believe that giving someone your honest opinion shows that you really care. Otherwise, telling people only what they want to hear, when you think they could benefit from an honest opinion , would be like lying. It would not give them a chance to grow, to prosper, to keep doing better. Do not tell a lie, simply give your honest opinion nicely. It shows how much you really care. 20
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Part Two: 5 Jewels a Teacher can give away to her students.
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1st Jewel: Five minutes to listen to a student with your heart. Sometimes a student would be trying to tell you something ,but may use unconventional ways of interacting with you. Any student who is showing withdrawal signs, or is too violent with other classmates, or it could be that they are not doing their homework. There are really many signs that a student may be actually trying to tell you something, to reach out, except, they do it in their own way. Often the message they are trying to give you is : please give me attention! No one notices me, so I need to do something bad in order to be noticed. I believe that behind every negative behavior there is a good intention. The student who engages in fights with other kids, is one who is starving for attention, I believe. Five minutes of true observation could lead to the true source of the problem, and so it actually leads to the solution. Just notice quietly , for five minutes, and then try to figure out what he or she is actually trying to say. Give them some kind of responsibility, like taking charge of the classroom while you are gone for a minute or two. Or let them be responsible for a wall paper. Ask them if they like to join the choir or any kind of school activity. Show them that there are other ways to get noticed, and get to express themselves in a healthy way.
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2nd Jewel: Compliment your students. Teacher’s words are so important for students much more than you think. They sometimes work as beliefs. There is something about the way a student views a teacher, which is so graceful, so high. The teacher knows everything, so she must be right in all that she says. And here comes your responsibility. What ever you tell your students, they will believe you. So what happens when the teacher is sick of a students’ continuously bad behavior, and scolds him or her regularly about it? What happens to the words she uses which she describes him or her with? I’ll tell you where they go, straight to the subconscious of the student. It actually becomes a belief. Most probably , your words would follow him or her to adult hood. This is not a joke, this actually does have this strong effect. So what would happen if you choose to compliment something good about them? There must be something they do well, and it does deserve a compliment! Most often we only catch kids doing something bad. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we caught them doing something right? To notice it, and better still, to give them a compliment about it! Nice words given by a teacher affects the students self esteem for a life time!
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3rd Jewel: Smile sincerely . I will never forget the smile of my fourth grade math teacher. It used to make me feel that the day was a happy day, and that we were good students, and that everything in the world was just fine! It was such a good feeling to see her come into class ever morning, and just smile, for no particular reason. A teacher’s facial expression is extremely important when it comes to dealing with students. No matter what happens, she should always control her facial expressions. As for smiling, it is not only nice, it is crucial in giving the classroom an air of serenity. It makes the students at peace with each other. But, please be aware that a fake smile will not get the same results as a sincere smile would. Some teachers would try to smile, and cannot really find a true reason to do this. To solve this problem, here are a few suggestions: 1.Remember when you were a young student yourself, and how you would have liked your teacher to seem calm and peaceful. 2. Think of time, that in ten or twenty years these little ones will be all grown up, and would probably run to greet you in the street because you left a good impression. 3. Find a beautiful nature poster and hang it on the walls of the classroom, and every time you want to smile, just look at the poster , breathe deeply, and feel calm, and you will smile sincerely.
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4th .Jewel: Forgive their bad behavior. I was an English teacher to the fifth grade several years ago, and I cannot begin to describe to you how difficult it was to discipline this class. They were students from different backgrounds, and they were out of control. I had reached a point where I was thinking of not teaching this class anymore, because of the awful bad behavior they met me with. I was really furious, how could such a bunch of ten year old girls and boys cause me to quit like that? Then one day, the most outrageous boy in class fell down, and hurt his ankle, I saw him crying like a baby, and I suddenly saw him like how he really was inside ; a ten year old who was trying to get noticed, to prove his existence, to rebel against unfair treatment. I remember how I almost laughed at myself then, after seeing this scene. I learned on the day that kids are just kids, no matter how they behave. Even if they annoy a teacher so much with their behavior, in the end , they are only kids. A teacher must not feel that she got an insult from a student’s negative behavior, but indeed she must embrace the behavior with wisdom and a big heart. Once I was able to forgive the whole class for their noise, for their defensive answers, I was able to get through to them, and they grew quieter, and more peaceful to hear me. But that happened only after I decided to forgive them for every childish act they did before, and they saw this, and this is why they changed. Never take a student’s aggressiveness personally, after all, remember that you are dealing with a kid. 26
5th jewel: Give your students a helping hand. There is so much a teacher can do in terms of raising the self esteem of students. I had one student once who had difficulty in staying focused, as he sat in the classroom. So he kept moving all the time, dropping his stuff on the floor, standing to look out of the window‌ Everyone criticized him, and blamed him. But no one thought of how they could help him. I , on the other hand, decided to find a solution for him, at least during my class. He was to go out of the classroom to go and fetch me some writing board pens from the staffroom, or go and open the window, or close it. I asked him to help me out in giving worksheets to his fellow students. This seemed to help him concentrate a little more during the times when he really had to sit down and write or read , for he knew that I would allow him to move shortly. Not only that, but I even included some moving activities during my class, for the whole kids. They all loved this as kids like to move, instead of just having to sit still in their chairs for a long time. The other teachers where still complaining about that student, but not me, and they all wondered how I did it, so I eventually told them my secret. It was astonishing to them that it was really that simple, and yet it worked to discipline that boy. Sometimes it takes little effort to find a simple solution for a big problem , or what others seem to define as a big problem.
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Please feel free to contact me at info@happywomancoaching.com Your coach Hania
Please note that you can watch beautiful motivational videos on my youtube channel happywomancoaching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyMyZLJCItY
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