when we fall asleep:

we lay awake limbs tangled together, panting breaths in perfect synchronisation i long for this each week, when we flirt over aged wine, prance around barefoot to crackling jazz, our happiness an honest, craving feeling. you fall asleep soft rumbles of snores wafting through the room, your face a delicate portrait of naïvety and innocence i immerse in the boundless ocean of my mind where i soak in the calming yet impossible dreams of our future i fall asleep. i try to fight the alluring temptation of exhaustion i try and try i try because i know you will hurry off at the first ray of light in the morning i try because i cannot stand the gnawing regret of not bathing in your presence every breathing moment i hold your hand as if it will keep you from going, but i wake to only myself present you love the rules too much you love them more than you love me, you think our love is not worth the sacrifice, you think our love is incomparable to money and duty and family your wife i hate those rules, but i cope for a part of you every week i hope this changes. but every week, we lay awake you fall asleep i fall asleep and i lose you before i wake again