The Left Behinds

by Prinda Li

Staring out the translucent glass window into the rustling maple trees blankly, a crisp knock on the redwood door disrupts Daisy’s chain of emotionless thoughts. Lurching along with the help of her walking stick, Daisy stumbled step by step to the door and turned the doorknob. Against the metal, green veins popped through the wrinkled skin of her hand, covered by flat brown spots. Around her ring finger, a thin gold ring, almost rusting on the edge after 50 years, had indented her flesh.

As the door opened, a chilly wind rushed in, brushing Daisy’s face It brought along a familiar face, every strand of once shiny brunette hair now silvers to the roots

Daisy gasped, “Shirley!”

“My old pal, how have things been?" Shirley flung her arms wide open.

“It's been so long since we've last met! It's so…” Drenched in a sea of memories, Shirley rattled on without noticing Daisy’s uncontrollably escaping attention as the past and present began to blur together

Familiar face, familiar memories. The tinkling of the spoon as it hit the sides of the teacup while Daisy slowly stirred her ginger fruit tea mingled and merged with the unceasing noises from Shirley, hypnotising her to the memories. Brooding over an unfair future that was denied her, brooding over a marriage and a happy family that was robbed from her, brooding over unlocked memories of him.

In 1941, maybe it was the rebellious hormones of a girl in her early twenties that drove her to avoid her involuntary marriage, or maybe it was to escape her boring life - Daisy volunteered to join the U S military as a nurse Despite the countless yelling and scolding from her parents who tried to stop her, Daisy fled with Shirley in the middle of the dark and gloomy night, encouraged by heavy raindrops and splashing noise. Water filled up her footsteps and promised no return.

They iced the wounded limbs of soldiers from training, made medicine for those who caught colds in the fields, and fed the sick hot porridge. It was easier than she had expected as she was an experienced nurse, but at least it was different from her routines at home. Her new life began in Pearl Harbour.

It was a scorching summer day in June when he came into her life Supported by two men on each side, a soldier limped into the hospital lobby with blood flowing from a nasty wound on his thigh. Though the handsome soldier managed to crack jokes, Daisy homed in on the tiny droplets of sweat emerging on his forehead, and in the middle of complimenting her almond eyes, the soldier passed out. When he roused, he was restrained in the hospital bed, with his leg in a stiff cast. No matter how he protested, he was not allowed to move.

“Strict doctor's orders,” she said

“Not even for a stroll in the gardens?”

“No.”

“Not even for a walk in the corridor?”

“No Not even to the washroom ”

“What?”

“That’s what bedpans are for.”

He grew quiet.

“Theoretically, you could go outside on a wheelchair if accompanied by a nurse in a week ”

“Would you please accompany me, Madam Nurse?” The slight spark in his eyes made stillborn the no Daisy was set on giving him."

She said yes

And that’s how she spent every afternoon with Joseph after dinner from 6 to 7 together in the garden, talking about their lives before joining the military.

Over the course of the next few months - months that flitted by like fireflies in the hot and sticky nights that passed on the island, Daisy delivered Joseph’s porridge and changed his cast. As Daisy carefully applied medicine on Joseph's leg and wrapped it with bandage, she was aware of Joseph squinting at her with concentration and seriousness that made her stutter with self-consciousness. Stealing glances at him, she saw a sparkling fire shimmer in his determined eyes She finally sat at the foot of his bed, faced him, and smiled This night, along with almost all the evenings that followed, always ended up with lingering eyes that spoke louder than words. Glued to each other, they were unable to look anywhere else.

Yet, there still came the day that Joseph had to be discharged once his leg mended Though he tried his hardest to mimic shudders of pain and wails of anguish as the doctors examined his leg, it was time for him to leave. With her arms paused in mid wave as he finally turned and walked away from the hospital, Daisy felt her passion and joy drip to the ground, rolling like drops of rain downhill after him, as she witnessed his silhouette becoming more and more blurry and finally disappearing She felt a fog blocking her consciousness and returned to work and performed her duties with mechanical precision and emotionlessness. Anything to go through the motions.

After a month of social isolation where Daisy went straight to her dormitory after her shifts, she heard him call her name It was just another illusion She ignored the voice and focused on washing her dishes until she looked up after hearing her name being called again and again. Daisy jumped to her feet dropping the metal tools she was cleaning and caught Joseph’s eyes at the exact second as time froze.

The crinkles around Joseph’s eyes were sparkling again He walked towards Daisy slowly while his hands clutched what seemed like a crumpled paper that he tried to flatten, he showed the paper with his sketch in front of Daisy’s clear, hazel eyes. “I sketched this when I was in the hospital, and I thought I’d give it to you... It's crumpled. Sorry.”

It was her He drew her while she changed his cast He drew her to exact likeness, immaculately capturing every unique detail of Daisy in a simple pencil sketch. Every strand of hair represented her charisma. A smile back on her face again, she told him how much she liked the sketch.

On another day Joseph was at the hospital to “visit a friend”, while holding a bouquet of daisy flowers in his hands.

Daisy cleared her throat. “Where’s your friend?”

Joseph waved the bouquet through the air. “Oh, around ”

On this excuse, Joseph came back day after day while holding daisy flowers. One day, Shirley passed a bouquet of daisy flowers to Daisy, following Joseph’s instructions. The golden and beautifully patterned pistil and angelic white petals bonded together was the most gorgeous and pleasing thing Daisy ever saw. She found a tiny piece of folded paper inside the petals,Daisy opened it and read out “Please look outside your window ” Daisy rushed to the glass pane, and there she saw the whole nursing staff applauding beneath her balcony, as Joseph went down on one knee and proposed exactly the way she imagined in her dreams.

There was talk of the war in Europe and rumours of mass killings in Germany Yet, none of that worried Daisy She was far away in America, and very much in love. Twisting the simple gold band on her middle finger, she thought about how he promised he would get her another ring once the war was over. She told him she couldn’t care less about diamonds as long as they could start a big family.

Then the attack came

All Daisy could remember was hearing the disastrous emergency alarm howling throughout the hallways, with blood-covered soldiers flooding in the emergency room Panicked and confused, doctors and nurses rushed down the hallway, and amidst the twitter of the head doctors, Daisy could hear words like “attacked,” “Japanese,” and “war.” Her heart gave a sudden lurch. She silently prayed to God to keep him safe.

She saw countless bruises and wounds, all blurry and mixed with rust-smelling, red-black blood that covered exposed skin Her hands shook and trembled uncontrollably, and as if bees invaded her brain, Daisy was unable to think rationally, or even to think of what to do next After performing emergency brain surgery on one of the soldiers, Daisy came out of the surgery room exhausted.

Then through the nearby glass door, she saw Joseph in another surgery room. He wailed in pain as blood rushed out of his vessels and body.

There was too much blood loss It was too late to save him She watched each of his breaths become weaker and shorter and eventually to none, dying in despair Sweat or tears, it was hard to recognize She scratched and screamed and all she could remember was liquid drenching her until her vision was so blurry that she could only see shiny white light, and her eyes involuntarily closing...

“Daisy. Daisy. Daisy? Are you feeling alright?” Shirley inquired with a look of concern, yanking Daisy back from her whirlpool of memories.

“Yes, I am just tired from all the sudden excitement It is good to see you ”

Unconvinced, Shirley could sense that something was off

“Well, Daisy, I actually came to give you this.” Shirley reached for her purse and pulled out a stained envelope.

Daisy’s heart skipped a beat at the familiar sight of it. She could recognize the signature on the corner of the envelope anywhere, anytime Her brain barely registered how Shirley went to a garage sale of a war veteran and found this among a sea of other wars left behind She must have picked it from the trash after Daisy threw it out in drunken anger from her ship back in 1955

Shirley did not stay long and started her journey home. Closing the door behind her friend, Daisy collapsed in the doorway, clutching the envelope.

After stepping foot off that ship, she decided to get on with her life. Locking off her memories, she refused to continue her profession as a nurse and became a secretary until the day she retired during the 1990s

She never married Never had the big family she dreamed of Left behind, she was all alone, a solitary figure sitting on the red leather sofa reading the newspaper without him. Gathering her strength to pull out Joseph’s sketch of her, she stared at it for the longest time, curled up in a foetal position, and let down the dam of tears.

It was sunrise before she moved. Standing up, she tenderly took the fragile paper to her room, where she framed it and hung it on the wall adjacent to her bed Lying down and closing her eyes, she felt a wave of relief released from her consciousness, and she let it in She would be joining him soon Though it was a long and difficult journey, her final chapter was about to begin

At the appearance of the glimmering morning twilight, Daisy laughed out loud, and slept dreamlessly for the first time in sixty years.

Leaving was my form of self-protection, my way of protecting him from my past. There was no other way to accomplish it or to give myself a chance to fix this into something decent, something normal, something pretty And when that happened, the cycle repeated itself Leaving was not a choice but a duty

The reflection stared at me, but the glass and the darkness didn’t get me quite right, blurring all the details. My main features were there: the pale glow of my skin and the wide-set dark blue eyes that weren’t mine alone. 'You look so much like your father', I used to hear.

The girl staring back at me had long black hair that was looped in a tangled, messy bun that fell over her neck, loose waves shooting out as a result of her carelessness Those eyes that once looked deeply alive, were now sunken and flat The girl had plump lips that were so pallid to the point where it looked like peeling white paint and pulled down at the edges. She wore her mourning black like a second skin. I swallowed; the girl swallowed.

I stared at my skinless fingers, averting my eyes from the mirror that reflected a girl I barely recognised. My bitten nails were sore and frozen. Blood dried in every crease and crevice.

I looked to my left to gaze greedily at the white-capped waves Clouds of gulls were wheeling and crying as they ascended into the sky As the seabed swapped the salty brine for oceanic air, I saw the beach rise from the lacy waves.

I watched as the gulls turned from heaps of crowding wings to tossed papers in a storm and flashes of white in the grey, toppling as they struggled against the gale. Beneath them, the sea rose as great mounds, as fury in the form of water, boisterous and unforgiving.

The silver hues were molten silver, blanketed with the end that was yet to come The passengers braced themselves I braced myself, as we all figured already, the end was never pretty. Nothing was to be said; nothing was to be heard. The occasional cry from a child or a gull wheeling above was the only break in the oppressive silence.

But then the agony hit me. I felt myself growing heavy, my stomach slowly giving out. The world was twirling, twirling and twirling. I felt my breath shallow as seconds went by, a throbbing ache pulsating across my muscles I staggered backwards, and with just one step back, my body crumpled down like a puppet being released from its strings I placed my palm on my stomach, caressing the home of my future years to come

I looked to my side as my back braced against the wooden boards of the drenched floor. I watched as the waves hauled to a final stop.

It was 12:05. The ship had finally reached the shore.

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.”