7 Discipline Mistakes All Moms Make I suppose tantrums are a part of every parent’s nightmare. In the mix between the child’s screams, your yells and the other strangers staring at your kid, it's a mess. Thought I would share 7 mistakes that moms make in all this and how it can help solve issues quickly. According to Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions there are patterns to behavior in children. Children do the same things when they’re tired, hungry, or getting fed up; it’s up to adults to take note and adjust accordingly.
1. Being too negative: “Don’t sit here”, “Don’t run”, “Don’t throw things”. Ask for things that you want done. “Sit there”, “Walk here”. Telling children not to do something without telling them what to do is useless. 2. Expecting too much from kids: You are at a grocery store and your kid is screaming for chocolates. You tell them to stop, but they don’t. Mortifying? young children still haven’t developed impulse control or learned the social graces required in public places like stores and restaurants. Focus on showing your child how you want him to behave, softly saying things like, “I have to buy these things in the store, can you please help me pick these out ?” 3. We model behavior we don’t want to see in our children: When you get cut off in the road, you yell, when something doesn’t go your way, you shout. Sound familiar? Your children see you and do the same thing. Apologize and start over. When your children realize the reason for you get upset, they will understand.
4. Intervening simply when children are doing something and they annoy you: Your child might be running around, playing with the juice box, pouring sand in the couch – all you say “Don’t do this, don’t do that”. What parents fail to understand is they are actually learning and experimenting. You hear your children chasing each other around the house and immediately shout. When it comes to reacting, Dr. Borba’s rule of thumb is: When safety isn’t an issue, try watchful waiting. If your 6-yearold is playing his recorder with his nose, try not to shout. See what happens if you just continue with what you’re doing as if nothing is happening. Most likely, if you don’t respond, he will eventually stop — and you’ll feel calmer, having avoided a shouting match. 5. You talk with no action: When you are upset and your child is watching TV, you yell “I will turn off the TV – I am serious this time.” Your children continue bad behavior when warnings are vague – there aren’t consequences. Set limits and follow through. Nagging, second chances, and negotiation all convey that cooperation is optional, If you want your kid to, say, get off the couch and do homework, start with respectful directives (“Please turn off the TV now and do your work”). If she follows through, thank her. If not, give a consequence: “I’m turning off the TV now. Until your work is finished, your TV privileges are suspended.” 6. Using Time-outs: When you send your 5 year old child to his room after he hits his brother, he starts banging his head on the floor in rage. Most likely he views it as a rejection and starts to get upset in this room. Use a time-in. Instead of sending him to his room, hold him and comfort him. After he has calmed down, then explain the consequences of his behavior. 7. Assuming what works for one child, works for another: Try to understand your child as an individual. What may work for one child may not work for another. 8. Ignoring a kid’s signs is one of many discipline mistakes parents make all the time, but fixing them can make a huge difference in the parenting experience.