BEYOND ACADEMICS Hathaway Brown School’s Approach to Social-Emotional Learning
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CONTENTS OV ERV I EW ........................................................................... 5 EA RLY CHILDHOOD........................................................ 7 P RI MA RY SCHOOL......................................................... 13 Kindergarten........................................................................... 15 First Grade.............................................................................. 17 Second Grade.......................................................................... 19 Third Grade............................................................................. 21 Fourth Grade........................................................................... 23 MI DDL E SCHOOL........................................................... 28 Fifth Grade.............................................................................. 30 Sixth Grade............................................................................. 33 Seventh Grade......................................................................... 36 Eighth Grade.......................................................................... 39 UP P ER SCHOOL............................................................... 42 Ninth Grade............................................................................ 44 Tenth Grade............................................................................ 49 Eleventh Grade....................................................................... 54 Twelfth Grade......................................................................... 58 RES OURCES...................................................................... 64
At Hathaway Brown, we know girls. We provide them with an outstanding academic experience both in and out of the classroom every day. We also know that their lives are complex and the demands on them are high. Our duty, our mission, is to make sure that we arm them with more than exceptional college preparedness. Our deep dive into the social and emotional needs of our students at every age has codified HB’s long-standing practice of teaching students to understand themselves and others so that they can successfully navigate the demands of the world and cultivate their best lives. The Hathaway Brown School mission and philosophy states, “The true mission of the school, as reflected in our motto, Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus, is preparation for life. We strive to foster in the minds of our students an abiding passion for learning and in their hearts a constant devotion to strong character and public service.� At HB, it is our calling not only to prepare our students to reach their utmost potential academically, but also to nurture a community where each individual can grow and flourish in her social connections and emotional intelligence. Through a comprehensive process that engaged faculty and administrators alike, Hathaway Brown has created a resource that Early
describes
the
Childhood
social-emotional programming
to
5
journey
of
graduation
our in
students
from
12th
grade.
The process of creating this document was as important as the product itself, giving all educators and administrators at every grade level the opportunity to identify, audit and articulate the social-emotional learning (SEL) work already under way at HB. Interviewing classroom teachers, wellness teachers, physical education teachers, deans, counselors, psychologists and division directors served as the foundation for the yearlong information-gathering stage. Looking at the vertical integration of this information helped us to identify areas of strength and opportunities for growth. The power of an EC–12 school lies in shared goals and experiences, and SEL is no exception. Establishing a shared vocabulary, standardizing the rubric/assessment process, and making our commitment to this work transparent were among the project’s many goals. According to the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning, “Social and emotional learning is the process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions.” This document serves as a framework for our faculty, parents, families and community to comprehend the complex trajectory of socialemotional development through a girl’s formative years. Using these narratives, our educators and families can access information and resources through a developmental overview, a classroom profile and a parenting profile for each grade level to best understand, teach and support our young women. This SEL project functions as a cornerstone for our school’s SEL programming advancement and curriculum development in each division to best serve the girls of today.
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EARLY CHILDHOOD
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Hathaway Brown’s Early Childhood program encourages the development of
social competence and emotional growth in girls and boys. Throughout the curriculum, children engage in cooperative problem-solving, exchange ideas and
take on new challenges. Respect for the child is at the core of the program,
promoting in turn a positive self-concept, a tolerance for differences and an investment in the classroom community.
The principles of Conscious Discipline are foundational to our SEL program and
embedded in our Discovery Learning model. Developed by Dr. Becky Bailey,
Conscious Discipline is a comprehensive classroom management program based on current brain research and developmentally appropriate practice. In a study published by the Harvard Graduate School of Education, Conscious
Discipline was found to be one of only three SEL programs to focus 75 percent or more of its content on Emotion/Behavior Regulation and Emotional
Knowledge/Expression. On-site parent coaching and professional development
opportunities support the implementation of Conscious Discipline principles, as well as strengthen the home/school partnership.
Discovery Learning:
A Model for SEL in Early Childhood Education Autonomy: The First Steps A natural move toward autonomy is apparent from birth. Babies explore their environment with remarkable focus and perseverance, and toddlers literally run away to make new discoveries. As children become more social, they begin to incorporate peer relationships in this ongoing, complex and multifaceted journey
toward independence. A stimulating environment, supportive adults and the
opportunity to interact with peers are fundamental for children to develop the necessary tools and skills to negotiate challenges along the way.
The early school years can provide consistent support for the young child who
is engaged in ever-widening forays outside the safety net of home and family. With the right preparation and encouragement from teachers, along with a
social environment designed to stimulate exploration and discovery, children can experience the classroom as a microcosm of the world that awaits.
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Building Competence As the realm of the young child expands, so do the challenges involved in
navigating new territory. Children who have been encouraged to engage in appropriate risk-taking behavior become more willing to take on challenges, and are less discouraged by failure. They begin to understand that the process
of learning new skills may require repeated effort; they become resilient to initial setbacks. Their self-confidence increases as they experience the success
that comes from practice and determination, and they are motivated to tackle ever-greater challenges. These characteristics, reflective of a growing emotional maturity, generate the competence necessary for a child’s future independence.
Guidelines for Supporting the Development of Competence •
Allow free exploration of materials in the classroom before engagement in more structured activities.
•
Provide challenges that excite and energize all developmental continuums.
•
Encourage creativity and problem-solving by providing opportunities for open-ended investigations.
•
Offer acceptable choices for redirecting behavior.
•
Follow through when redirecting behavior.
•
Reinforce the effort rather than the product.
Building Community In the Early Childhood classroom, social interaction is foundational to the learning process. As play becomes increasingly collaborative, children actively
engage in planning and executing play scenarios, solving problems, negotiating conflicts and sharing information. Language begins to be an important tool
as the group dynamic becomes more complex, while sharing information and articulating ideas accelerate concept formation. As the necessity for conflict
management arises, a skillful teacher can set clear boundaries and model appropriate responses, in the process encouraging a greater understanding of differences and an awareness of others’ needs.
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Guidelines for Supporting a Strong Community •
Embed rituals and routines that promote caring for each other and for classroom materials (as in the Conscious Discipline “Wishing You Well” ritual designed to acknowledge and support ill classmates who are not at school).
•
Incorporate a variety of different viewpoints and perspectives into the classroom curriculum using books, stories, music, art and dramatic play.
•
Help children internalize positive attitudes about differences through curricular investigations as well as whole-group conversations and experiences.
•
Use community resources to expand the curriculum through multicultural programs and presentations, including resources within the school.
•
Invite parents or extended families to share family traditions with the class.
Developmental Overview: Preschool
A three-year-old begins to demonstrate an emerging independence. Self-help
skills become more integrated into the daily routines of dressing, eating and
hygiene. Social play is enjoyable at this age and becomes increasingly interactive, with children engaging in the same activities, such as block-building, with growing collaboration. Role-playing and symbolic play emerge as a means of
understanding the expanding social world, and newly developed relationships become an opportunity for deepening self-awareness. Transitional objects, such
as stuffed animals or favorite toys, help the three-year-old move into the school environment. Rituals and routines at home as well as in the classroom provide reassuring touchstones as life becomes increasingly complex.
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Developmental Overview: Prekindergarten
A four-year-old is increasingly able to navigate the world because of a greater skill set and growing competence. The challenge for this age is to develop a
level of self-regulation that will become foundational for managing the child’s
expanding independence and social awareness. New fears and anxieties can sometimes emerge, as the realization that “bad things can happen” becomes an extension of greater cognitive ability. With a widening understanding of the
world, a four-year-old can also struggle with the distinction between fantasy and
reality. These children engage in deeper and increasingly complex play scenarios,
which can become a bridge to a stronger understanding of real life. However, fanciful “storytelling” concerns parents who feel that this apparent straying from
the truth is an indicator of character rather than a developmental stage. This deepening sense of self may also be reflected in a new wave of testing limits and challenging authority.
Benchmarks for SEL in Early Childhood
Assessment in the Early Childhood classroom is multilayered and ongoing. Informal assessment takes place daily through teacher observations during free play and in the context of prepared learning activities, as well as outside the classroom.
Developing Relationships •
Establishes positive peer relationships.
•
Initiates play with peers.
•
Demonstrates increasing collaboration and cooperation with peers.
•
Employs conflict resolution strategies when interacting with peers.
•
Establishes positive and trusting relationships with teachers.
•
Accepts guidance and direction from teachers and familiar adults.
•
Expresses feelings using appropriate language.
•
Demonstrates increasingly empathetic responses.
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Engaging in the Life of the Community •
Makes transitions throughout the day.
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Willingly engages in teacher-directed activities.
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Consistently invests independently and cooperatively in classroom activities.
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Engages in interactive and self-directed play.
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Demonstrates a respect for the belongings of others and for classroom materials.
Developing Perseverance •
Persists with a task for increasing periods.
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Sits, listens and participates during group times.
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Demonstrates an age-appropriate attention span.
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Follows multistep directions.
Developing Initiative •
Plans and initiates increasingly complex activities.
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Demonstrates motivation.
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Shows interest in exploring materials and activities.
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Uses logic to solve increasingly complex problems.
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Willingly attempts new tasks and works on self-help skills.
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Cares for personal belongings.
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Makes independent choices comfortably.
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PRIMARY SCHOOL
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The Primary School supports the whole child by balancing academics and social
and emotional development. Learning to be a curious, engaged learner and a kind, respectful friend are equally important developmental areas.
Respect, responsibility, resilience (the three Rs) and kindness are the focus for fostering girls of character. Teachers talk about and model these traits throughout the Primary School, giving students plenty of opportunities to practice these
skills. Grade-level teachers, who are knowledgeable about developmental
stages, plan and lead the majority of the character and SEL lessons. However, all Hathaway Brown teachers are passionate about helping students to become girls who exemplify strong character. They provide a safe environment, and
employ a variety of strategies to build community and to guide students on their developmental journey.
The Primary School utilizes the part-time services of a wide range of professionals to support the needs of teachers and students. A school counselor, parenting coach
and psychologist contribute to the community by meeting with parents, teachers and students. In keeping with its mission to nurture and support learning outside
the classroom, the school hosts parent coffees and guest speakers for the entire division, as well as parent coaching and education in small groups and individual sessions.
The Student Support Team meets regularly to discuss the progress of individual students. Teachers invite parents to help them create the best course of action for the ongoing development of their daughter.  
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KINDERGARTEN Developmental Overview
The bridge between the Early Childhood program and the Primary School, kindergarten introduces a formal academic environment. A principal goal is to establish a sense of independence among students as school becomes their
own. This age marks their movement from an egocentric to an empathetic
perspective. At school, they learn to manage impulses and emotions, appreciate the thoughts and feelings of others, share, follow multistep directions and make
positive choices through daily routines and play. As new social and academic
skills are introduced, children learn to persevere and build resilience. Both their stamina for the school day and their body strength increase, as does their use of fine and gross motor skills. Although they still have a literal understanding of the world and of language, they are curious and inquisitive. Likewise, they
understand spatial relationships, personal interactions and academics, but they
may not share details from school with their parents. As they develop impulse control, they learn to make
choices and to understand that these choices can have positive or negative consequences.
Kindergartner in School
As a cornerstone of kindergarten, the three Rs (respect, responsibility and resilience) are introduced and developed. Teachers maintain consistent daily
routines to ease children into a schedule. Students
gain autonomy in their self-help routines, such as
coming up to the classroom on their own, packing their bag, going to the bathroom and having lunch
or snacks. Alternately, teachers provide opportunities
for role playing, modeling language, socializing and learning to compromise. They also arrange daily play and physical education to develop gross motor
skills, along with art activities that use scissors and
pencils to develop fine motor skills. Games and
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activities allow children to practice waiting their turn. These are balanced by daily downtime and resting periods.
Parenting a Kindergartner
Parents should ask open-ended questions that encourage a child to expand and describe, instead of answering with yes or no. Family routines are important to
keep balance and structure, but afterschool activities should not be overscheduled
because the school day is demanding. Setting clear boundaries and allowing a child to experience disappointment and loss can help ease her into the next stage of development. Parents can expand on classroom lessons by exploring art activities that enhance fine motor development and by practicing writing
through making lists and notes. Screen time (TV, iPad, smartphone) should be limited at this age; instead, time set aside daily for reading aloud can help build vocabulary and understanding.
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FIRST GRADE Developmental Overview
First-graders experience rapid cognitive, social and emotional development, as well as increased self-control of their body, voice and temper. A progression is
evident from children who react to challenge with frustration to children who
enjoy engaging in productive struggle. They are better able to care for themselves,
manage their own materials, and take on small responsibilities at school and home. They understand that there are different expectations depending on the situation. Even though they have a strong sense of right and wrong, they still regularly test limits and need a clear system of logical consequences. First-graders develop an awareness of the needs and views of others, yet they often misperceive situations
with peers. As they develop a better understanding of other perspectives, they
become more willing to listen to and understand someone else’s side of a story. First-graders show a greater ability to be reflective, make meaningful connections, transfer learning from one situation to another and build on their background knowledge. Because first grade is a period of rapid growth, students need regular opportunities to engage in creative play, decompress and recharge.
First-Grader in School
A first-grader’s growing ability to listen to and understand the opinions of others
is supported through group discussions, class meetings with a psychologist, clearly established classroom rules and expectations, and a consistent system of logical
consequences. Teachers are available to support students through the problem-
solving process with their peers. Planned “choice times” help children learn about negotiation, taking turns, sharing materials and showing respect for the ideas
and opinions of others. These activities also let students engage in creative and imaginative play.
This year, classroom expectations increase. Students manage their desks and
lockers, take care of their homework, and unpack and pack their belongings. In addition, consistent routines allow students to know what is expected of them so
that they can complete classroom tasks with increasing independence. They learn
about self-control through classroom discussions that create a clear definition of what self-control looks like, feels like and sounds like.
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Teachers differentiate instruction to meet the needs of a wide range of students. When they introduce new concepts, they provide opportunities for repeated
practice for students to build upon prior knowledge. The topics instill in students an increased awareness of the wider world.
Parenting a First-Grader
First-graders can often misperceive situations, so parents must pay attention to their daughter’s stories about school involving her peers. It is important to
get clarification from the teacher before reacting to these stories. Because firstgraders are sensitive and tend to be dramatic, parents should model calm and rational problem-solving behaviors. She must be encouraged to relax and to try
to understand the other student’s perspective. Parents should discuss possible strategies that she could use to independently solve the problem.
Students tire after a busy school day, so it is important that parents provide
opportunities for downtime. This gives a girl time to decompress but also to use
her imagination, make her own choices, and learn how to manage free time. Choices include reading, painting, drawing, building, solving puzzles, writing, exploring and experimenting, rather than engaging in screen time. Avoid overscheduling after-school hours.
To develop a first-grader’s increasing sense of independence, parents can give
their daughter small responsibilities at home and establish consistent routines. For example, an after-school routine might include snack, downtime, homework, dinner and bedtime prep. It is important to establish clear rules and expectations with a consistent system of logical consequences that she is expected to follow even when parents are not present. This helps her develop self-control. Although first-graders will test limits, parents should try to avoid giving in.
In addition to providing unstructured downtime, it is equally important to engage in meaningful conversation and interaction every day. A first-grader needs to be
encouraged to think deeply about the world around her and to ask questions. Parents and children must unplug and be present.
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SECOND GRADE Developmental Overview
In second grade, thinking and problem-solving skills blossom. Children tend
to talk at a more adult level and start to show an interest in specific activities. Cognitively, most children at this age look for the reasons behind things and
ask questions. They begin to understand cause and effect, and make more indepth connections. Their attention span is growing; they can now sit and focus on something that interests them for at least 30 to 45 minutes.
Language development typically continues at a steady pace for the next couple of years. Vocabulary grows and kids try out words they have read or heard. By
the end of second grade, students can comprehend what they read, and begin
to move from “learning to read” to “reading to learn.” Their larger vocabulary
enhances their ability to talk through problems, both socially and academically. Students also enjoy using writing as a way to express feelings and tell stories.
Second grade is a vital year for social and emotional development. Girls start narrowing down their social circle to a few good friends, but those friendships can change quickly. Throughout the year, they may have moments of extreme
insecurity and need constant encouragement from parents and teachers; mood swings are typical. They also begin to develop a sense of humor. Although their
sense of independence is increasing, they usually enjoy being part of a team, group or club. They begin to spend more time with their peers, who can sometimes easily influence them.
Second-Grader in School
A second-grader’s attention span is limited, so teachers provide frequent movement breaks to help students concentrate, as well as access to several
sitting and working options. Extra outdoor time is scheduled when appropriate, which caters to their energetic and social nature. At this time, their hand-eye
coordination is increasing, but copying from the board may still be challenging. They learn how to write in cursive, construct charts and take notes. Because they have a tendency to give up or shut down when work is challenging, students are encouraged to have a growth mindset and to be resilient.
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Teachers provide a safe environment that allows students to take risks and to express their thoughts and ideas; there are many opportunities for creativity, selfexpression and reflection. The curriculum employs extensive character-building
strategies that teach students how to foster positive relationships, manage strong feelings and develop self-control. Teachers maintain consistent and predictable classroom routines and schedules, as well as establish cooperative and fluid groups
for classroom work. Students are given opportunities to finish all assignments;
time is also set aside daily for the Creation Station Maker and read-aloud session.
Parenting a Second-Grader Second-graders are quick to change
friends, although they do enjoy
working in groups and socializing. They prefer same-gender activities and interactions. Some girls may go through a growth spurt, and most develop
increased
self-awareness
and body control. At this age, they exhibit changeable feelings and
strong emotions and opinions—
often expressed as moodiness— which must be matched by patience
from parents. Routines should be maintained at home. Second-graders
might test boundaries, but they show
resilience in the wake of mistakes and disappointment. They are interested in
rules, logic and fairness, which makes parenting easier at this age. They still enjoy being read to, playing board games and taking part in imaginative playtime.  
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THIRD GRADE Developmental Overview
Third-graders are enthusiastic
learners who enjoy the routines and procedures of the school
day. Academically, this is a transitional
year
in
which
students are challenged with
more complex concepts. While the
previous
school
years
emphasize fluency, third grade
develops reading skills through higher-level strategies.
comprehension
Writing
becomes
more structured, and spelling and grammar conventions are
enforced. In math class, teachers provide an opportunity to share thinking strategies; students are
encouraged to utilize various problem-solving methods. The
social studies curriculum is project based and allows for small-group work. Teachers often see girls embrace this new academic role. Socially, girls branch
beyond one best friend to navigate a group of close friends. They begin to group themselves by shared interests.
Third-Grader in School In the classroom, third-graders enjoy discussing topics and relish the opportunity
to share their work and ideas. This makes for successful outcomes in group work and collaborative projects. Their enthusiasm and imagination provide a fine
match for their developing sense of humor. They have an awareness of rules and fairness, but they still need adult support in setting boundaries and establishing
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realistic goals. They demonstrate resilience when met with challenges. Socially, they can maintain a group of good friends.
Mentors need to provide a morning meeting routine during which girls
are recognized by teacher and peers, the daily schedule is introduced and
expectations are set. Ownership of the classroom can be encouraged through
jobs and a subsequent jobs report. Project-based curriculum, small-group work time and opportunities to share problem-solving strategies teach third-graders to collaborate and share ideas. Communal seating also helps them negotiate
boundaries and other social dynamics. Regular visits from a school counselor help girls work through social and emotional issues.
Parenting a Third-Grader
Girls this age are full of enthusiasm and energy, with a work hard/play hard ethic. Parents need to provide opportunities for downtime and ensure plenty of sleep. A girl’s social life can shift from having one best friend to a group of friends; she
learns how to “share� friends and to be comfortable with her friends branching out.
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FOURTH GRADE Developmental Overview
Fourth-graders still think at a literal level; however, during the year some may begin to demonstrate more abstract and conceptual thinking. They begin to view
school as a more serious endeavor, so they may become more competitive or
struggle with increasing academic expectations. Rule-following is very important, as is the concept of fairness. Moral development emerges as they try to determine what is right and wrong, and negotiate the gray area in between. They become interested in the wider world around them, particularly current events.
Many fourth-graders experience a growth spurt during this year and begin
puberty. They are sometimes insecure and awkward in handling their bodies,
demonstrating a lack of coordination and a reluctance to accept their new shapes. They may wear baggy shirts or sweaters and adopt overly modest changing habits, especially in the locker rooms.
With puberty often come frequent mood swings with little provocation. Emotional reactions are initially strong, but dissipate quickly. Fourth-graders can feel as though everyone is looking at them and judging them; they begin to worry
about their body size and shape, clothing and hair. They realize that they are not the best at everything, and they compare themselves to others. This can be a stressful time that results in insecurity and a loss of self-confidence.
Anxiety about growing up and trying to figure out where they fit in becomes
common. Fear of what others think about them can lead to reduced creativity and
a lack of risk-taking in their work. Friendships and popularity become important, cliques begin to form, and peer pressure can become a concern.
Fourth-graders may also begin to assert more independence, wanting to do their
homework on their own and trying to solve their friendship problems without parental interference. However, they do not want to stray too far; they still need a feeling of security.
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Fourth-Grader in School
Since fourth grade is a transition year, students start to think about the Middle School and its potential challenges. They have many questions, and begin to realize that they need to step up their game. As a result, this year is one of great
academic growth and the development of abstract and conceptual thinking. Students begin to apply their skills to longer and more complex projects and
to independent work. Formal assessments, which require them to develop solid
study habits, also take on increasing importance. Both academic and athletic competitiveness becomes evident.
Fourth-graders love to challenge themselves physically and mentally. They want
to be more responsible and take more control of themselves. In effect, they begin to distance themselves from their parents when it comes to their social life and schoolwork. Greater control over small details also becomes important. As
the “elders� of the Primary School, they begin to develop leadership skills and strategies, taking on leadership roles.
Students can work together cooperatively, but negotiating the ground rules,
planning and agreeing on directions often take longer than the activity itself. They are curious, and often anxious, about how things work and why things happen. Jumping quickly between interests and trying out something new is common, but they are also capable of focusing on one activity.
Social cliques begin to form, and the notion of popularity becomes important. This leads to increased friendship drama, particularly on the playground. Feelings
are easily hurt, and friends often feel compelled to become involved in disputes. Problem-solving conferences support girls as they talk through their feelings and figure out how to resolve their issues. Additional support may be given to help them make a plan if they can’t manage it themselves.
Because fourth grade is the bridge year between the Primary and Middle Schools, teachers focus on helping students develop the social, emotional and cognitive skills they will need in order to succeed in fifth grade. Students face
higher expectations regarding their work. Some find it difficult to persevere
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and recover when faced with a physical or academic
challenge. Therefore,
teachers
must stress a growth mindset and encourage
parents to allow their daughter to struggle and solve problems in a safe setting. Students
also equate finishing their work quickly with being “smart”; they race through assignments and are often reluctant to reflect upon, revise and edit their work.
Some use social media as well as texting and
Snapchat to communicate. Because girls this age may have trouble reading social
cues—even in person—they are not ready to interpret and manage the subtle meanings behind texts, for example. They also do not
fully grasp the reach and possible negative effects their forays into social media may have
or the safety issues involved. Both students and parents need to be taught responsible
and appropriate uses of technology. For example, school counselors visit the
classroom several times a year to help students develop positive ways to stick up
for themselves, solve social issues and properly use age-appropriate technology. Our Technology Coordinator also works with the students in technology class to correctly use websites for research and email accounts for schoolwork. All teachers model and insist on correct use of email and iPads.
Likewise, fourth-graders, especially those with older siblings, sometimes want to read books and watch movies that may be inappropriate or frightening. Parental
guidance and monitoring are encouraged. Young-adult literature and themes can be too complex, and students may not know how to think about or deal with
the information presented. At this time, mentors encourage age-appropriate materials by providing reading webs, time in the classroom library, trips to the
school library and reading lists of books that students can pursue in their free time.
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Fourth-graders’ awareness of, and sometimes insecurity about, their bodies and
physical changes are dealt with informally during class discussions and formally in the spring during the maturation unit with a doctor. The girls may have numerous physical complaints, some of which are real, but many of which are
exaggerated. Teachers try to help them learn how to handle these complaints on their own and how to maintain perspective.
Students grow increasingly interested in taking on responsibilities, but they do not always have the ability to follow through with projects. Helping them
to plan ahead, break the project into manageable pieces, and schedule their
work is important at this stage. Supervised leadership projects (such as student council) are made available to them; these provide guidance and encourage the
development of leadership skills and strategies in a safe and appropriate setting that allows students to feel successful.
Fourth-graders may become overscheduled because of their many interests, resulting in inadequate time to concentrate on doing their best on homework
assignments. Teachers work with them to develop study skills and strategies. If difficulties persist, a family conference can help the student become more successful by developing positive habits.
Parenting a Fourth-Grader
Parents must foster communication with their daughter about activities at school and with her friends. If parents have questions about school, they should talk to their daughter first; she may already know the answers, or the information may be on the class page on Haiku. It is important to remember that she has a youthful
perspective. Parents must not overreact; instead, they should ask questions and clarify.
To encourage and support independent problem-solving, parents must help
their daughter develop a “tool kit� to work through issues on her own, when appropriate. Resilience can be encouraged by allowing her to struggle, and even fail, and then recover; parents should engage in discussions about how it feels to
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persevere, survive and learn from problems. However, adult involvement in social
problems often exacerbates and prolongs issues, as friendships can change from day to day and minute to minute.
Parents need to support a positive homework environment with handy supplies, a space conducive to work, and free time each night. They should foster a culture
at home that values school as the student’s “job.� It is important for parents and students to check Haiku to see nightly homework, extended assignments and upcoming important dates, as well as to find much of the classroom work
for emergency printing at home. Schoolwork can be balanced with household responsibilities; this is a good time for chores.
Checking websites such as Common Sense Media helps parents learn about
what their daughter might encounter in various books, movies and video games. Social use of phones and iPads at home should be limited; devices cannot be brought to school.
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MIDDLE SCHOOL
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In the Middle School, the advisory program serves as the primary vehicle for implementing the SEL curriculum. Advisor groups are intentionally designed as microcosms of the larger school community. Consequently, students can
engage with a diverse peer group led by a teacher with expertise in a particular developmental stage.
Teachers focus on issues in small groups to proactively and reactively manage SEL
topics. The work done in advisor groups is supported by the wellness curriculum, which covers topics such as friendships, conflict resolution, maturing, labeling
and managing emotions, risk-taking, risk avoidance, caring for your body, healthy relationships and identity development. The Middle School counselor and Student Support Team also support this work. During the year, parent education
and coaching are emphasized through parent coffees, Middle School Matters
(the weekly family newsletter) and guest speakers. Individual relationships are fostered between advisors and parents.
Advisors meet daily with their small group, focusing on organization, time
management, goal setting and planning for the day. Each week, they meet for a class period to focus on inter- and intrapersonal skills, team building, leadership
development, developing and maintaining healthy friendships, social media use
and other developmentally appropriate topics. The grade-level dean and advisors coordinate these meetings to respond to or develop the students’ skills in these areas.
Parents and advisors formally meet twice a year in student-led conferences. In the
fall, students develop academic, social and extracurricular goals. Advisors work
with them to develop these goals to present to their parents. In the spring, students update their parents on progress toward meeting the goals, share portfolios of
their work and begin to prepare for the coming year (for example, scheduling for high school, planning their elective courses, considering new sports or planning
for summer activities). At the end of the year, advisors formally report to parents on their child’s academic, social and extracurricular progress, as well as offer suggestions for future growth.
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FIF TH GRADE Developmental Overview
Entering the fifth grade, girls have already begun to understand that they are not universally talented. This perception continues through the year as they grow to recognize who they are as learners, friends and community members. They interpret life as not always fair, no matter how the adults in their lives try to make things fair. They encounter disappointments that, while hopefully small at this stage, will help the students become more resilient.
Fifth-grade girls generally follow rules and please teachers at the start of the year; they are excited about everything and work to advocate for themselves. They need
routine and clear expectations. They are fun, silly and willing to take chances; most are still innocent. Girls vary a great deal in their academic presentation
as they learn how to navigate the various personalities of
their teachers and peers. The year begins with teachers checking agendas daily to set
good routines and habits for the rest of the students’ time in the Middle School.
At this stage, about half
the students have access to
personal cell phones and social media accounts. Social media
complicates the social scene. Students learn about birthday
or slumber parties they were
not invited to and what others are doing. It can be
challenging for both students
and parents when family and
30
friendships change, which is natural at this stage. Parents who actively monitor
their child’s social media accounts are able to help work through sticky situations. Many students use social media on their school devices, often unbeknownst to their parents. School devices, however, are heavily monitored.
Midway through the year, students become more self-sufficient; they are proud to take responsibility for their independence. They set goals and work with
teachers to meet those goals, while increasingly recognizing what it means to be a student—to work smart, not just hard.
By the end of the year, students have become more invested in the opinions of peers than in those of the teacher. They are often less mindful of the learning
environment and their responsibilities, and will take risks without feeling overly
self-conscious. Students have started to figure out how to work the system, and thus do not always follow the rules. Most have the homework and agenda routines ingrained into their days. Rare is the child who has nothing written in her agenda.
What matters most to a fifth-grader? To be able to share her stories, to be heard
and to talk about herself. To be recognized by the adults in her life becomes a daily goal. Every word or action is noticed.
Fifth-Grader in School
Students develop individual presentation skills at this age, but small-group work can teach them both collaboration and accountability. Fifth-graders recognize
that they do have a voice and a say in a community of older students. In reacting
with their teachers, they begin to answer questions in a way that reflects real
understanding. They love their teachers and hesitate to complain about them. Most find one or two adults with whom they feel comfortable communicating. They may worry about their peers knowing they have talked with an adult, but
they still trust in the process. Navigating freedoms can be challenging at this time, so students need clear boundaries and consequences.
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Parenting a Fifth-Grader
When parents want to know why they are not more involved in their preteen
daughter’s school life, it generally is because she is developing her own voice. Therefore, teachers strive to incorporate projects at school that require
independence. Parents can learn to help their daughter advocate for herself, coaching her on how to email or talk to a teacher when she needs help with an
assignment or guidance in social situations. Parents must be supportive of their daughter’s work, helping her balance long-term assignments and communicating with teachers when big projects are not going well at home.
At this stage, it is important for parents to monitor and help manage social media accounts, as girls often accidentally end up in friendship dilemmas and cannot figure out how to fix them. The most common issues with parenting a fifth-
grader include helping her develop social skills and working to understand the
transition between the Primary and Middle Schools. Social activities include sleepovers and outings (going to the mall, bowling, etc.); these are no longer called playdates. Technology—those who have it versus those who do not—
affects these social interactions. Girls still do Junior Dance, but the focus depends on the dynamics of the grade.
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SIXTH GRADE Developmental Overview
Sixth grade is the year of changes. Girls want independence. Accordingly, teachers encourage and provide structured activities to help them grow in specific areas. Students start to develop unique systems of organization in their lockers
and “mobile desks” (trappers), but they also learn digital organization skills. Friendships change, but are elementary; there are not as many cliques. Most girls
still have friendships and activities based on their parents’ relationships, but this
tends to change during sixth grade. Instead, friendships begin to stem from their own individual interests.
At the start of sixth grade, girls are concrete thinkers, not risk-takers; they do not tolerate ambiguity. They are often not open to suggestions. Some are stubborn about their methods of studying, but they learn through experience that their Primary School methods might be outdated. They exhibit a wide range of organizational skills: some manage their time wisely and know how to use their
lockers, agendas and trappers, while others struggle. This can bring executive
function issues to light. Sixth grade marks a technological milestone, as it is the first year when students are issued iPads at school. They learn to use technology as an academic tool.
As the school year begins, students worry about not breaking the rules. They want
their teachers and classmates to like them. A desire to look “pretty” is evident. They decorate their agendas, binders and lockers. Throughout the year, most
conflicts are of a social nature. Students still like to play and go outside for recess. Many become tech savvy, and some have cell phones. Technology use is focused
on gaming and social media. Gaming can be distracting, while social media can lead to issues such as bullying.
Sixth-graders test the waters of independence toward the end of the year. They are encouraged to make decisions based on what they want as an individual, not
as part of a friendship group. For the first time, they have choices for electives in
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seventh grade. While they are interested in what courses their friends will take, they choose theirs based on their own interests. They have become curious about
the world around them, often beginning to question their identity and ask “why” when it comes to complicated concepts.
Sixth-Grader in School
Sixth-graders often grapple with understanding what it means to be a community
member and with navigating relationships that are not necessarily friendships. In the fall, they act like Primary School students, always wanting to please
the teacher and follow the rules. By spring, they are angsty and ready to move
on. Around spring break until the end of the year, they start trying to act like seventh-graders.
Sixth-graders can be summed up
by how they clean the lunch tables. Standing at a distance, they spray
a table while other students are
still eating there. Then they hold one corner of the cleaning rag and
swipe it across, windshield wiper–
style, flinging crumbs at others seated at neighboring tables. They do not push in chairs and they do not look at the floor. Sometimes they attempt creativity by stacking
food—along with salt and pepper shakers, napkin dispensers and cups—on their plates.
This is the year when teachers and
advisors
double
down
on using curriculum to teach
community building, teamwork and interpersonal relationships. As
34
thinkers, sixth-graders remain curious and enraptured by the curriculum; they ask series of questions that dig deeper into issues. They are less interested in
“getting through” many topics and attempt to turn all assignments into group
assignments, as they are social in nature. They will take risks among their peers, but they want the finished product for their teachers to be “right.”
Parenting a Sixth-Grader
At this stage, parents become concerned about bullying, which often centers around a girl being pushed out of a friendship group. Because their daughter
thirsts for independence, parents sometimes want to communicate with teachers without her knowing. Often, as sixth-graders begin to push boundaries, parents begin to compare their daughter’s behavior to that of other students, sometimes
striving to manage the behavior of everyone. Sleepovers become a frequent part of weekend activities. Students start using social media to build and maintain relationships, which become less in the parents’ control. It is encouraged, and appropriate, for parents to limit their daughter’s time on electronic devices.
Parents sometimes need help with their daughter’s school dilemmas, but teachers
try to offer perspective concerning social issues and grades so that parents not help their child too much. Likewise, teachers frequently coach students on how to self-advocate—with teachers regarding academics and with friends regarding social activities.
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S EV E N T H G R A D E Developmental Overview
The social world of a seventh-grader takes priority over the academic world. At this age, girls primarily want to discover who they are. Experimenting with various versions of who they want to be and who they are comfortable being
can often result in an identity crisis. Seventh-graders can be unpredictable,
emotional and hard to read. Many are ready to engage in higher-order thinking, take on projects and dive deeper into academics. However, they tend to spend time elaborating the presentation rather than the content of their ideas. They often limit themselves to one-word answers (and sometimes one-syllable grunts
and noises) both at school and at home, and need to be pushed to extrapolate. They can be moody and introverted. As they grow academically, they produce excuses that are funny and transparent. Seventh-graders are capable of more
responsibilities and leadership, such as being president of a club, but they forget locker organization. Their priorities are much different from those of the adults involved in their lives.
Seventh graders’ major growth—cognitive and physical—can sap their energy, leaving them hungry and tired. They constantly need a physical outlet. Many play on a school athletic team for the first time, in addition to other extracurricular activities. This is often their first brush with the concept of time management— school, social engagements and activities. Friends, food and fairness matter most
to them, but they often confuse what is fair with what is equal. At this stage, managing time, worrying about friendships (specifically, social standing) and exploring self-identity are their greatest challenges.
Students often push boundaries. Their uniforms are stained, messy and rolled at the waist. Their bedrooms and lockers are intentionally left messy as a statement of their independence. Communication is awkward, especially with adults. Girls
this age do not want their parents involved in their decision-making, so instead they seek help from friends.
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Seventh-Grader in School
In September, almost all seventh-graders know how to use an agenda (unless they transferred from a school where this was not expected). Most keep their lockers
organized, but need to be prompted routinely to clean them. Uniforms look clean, neat and to code. Generally, students want to please and impress, accepting rules
and structure, and they willingly share information. Relationships become tamer, mostly sorted by quantity versus quality. Friends are incredibly important, as socializing is the most valued activity.
By the middle of the year, students may choose to trade the school-issued agenda
for one more suited to their personality—but they still use it routinely. Lockers, for the most part, are organized. Now they begin pushing limits regarding their uniform, perhaps incurring minor infractions by wearing sweatshirts from other schools and name brands with logos. At the same time, girls become more introverted. They view issues with friends as their own business, not their
teachers’, but some intervention is needed. Responses to questions or
corrective
usually
greeted
directions with
are
silence
but compliance. Most seventh-
graders still lean on teachers
for support, but others need encouragement to do so. Some develop
nervousness
when
meeting with adults. Their work
becomes private, and they often
do not want to share it with their parents.
Nearing the end of the year, students may regress or jump forward. Organizationally, most
are independent and want to define their own space. Now they
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enter periods of extreme mood swings—happy and giddy one moment, subdued
and depressed the next. Eye rolls and cheeky, snarky attitudes are in full bloom. This often marks the shift from age 12 to 13. Girls may say they are bored, but they are excited about the new freedoms of being a teenager. At this time, they also undergo many physical changes.
Parenting a Seventh-Grader
Seventh grade is a big jump from sixth grade in relation to time management, homework (in terms of both quality and quantity) and accountability. Students
are issued their own iPads, so dealing with technology distractions both at home
and at school requires a combined effort on the part of the adults in their lives. In the classroom, students begin to gain increased cognitive ability—inferencing, explaining and analyzing—but at home they may be terse and distant. Parents should encourage their daughter to extrapolate on her thoughts beyond a oneword answer.
Growing minds and bodies require healthy food choices and frequent physical
activity. Taking part in organized sports can also help students manage their time and engage with peers outside the classroom. At school, students learn to be proactive. Meetings with teachers are organized to allow students to practice
adult interaction. They still require coaching as they deal with friendship issues. Parents might wonder “What is wrong with my kid?” or “My kid is smart, but why is she failing?” (or “Why is she not getting an A?”). When parents have an
open dialogue with their daughter and teachers, these issues can be resolved. At this time, parents also begin to learn how to be a parent rather than a friend.
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EIGHTH GRADE Developmental Overview
Socially, eighth-graders are cautious and unwilling to move out of their comfort
zone. They are excited to be leaders and to be in eighth grade. Although they
struggle to include new friends into their circle, they want to have a positive influence on their peers—but they do not know how. Mostly they are unsure and
often wrong, but confident. Halfway through the year, new students and those who have strained to find a friend have settled in a group, but there is little cross-
group movement. Each student’s place in the social structure of school is fairly
entrenched, and all of the students see themselves as certain types. By the end of the year, the issue of students attending other high schools and the anticipation of a new group in class can undermine security in relationships.
What matters most to eighth-graders is social acceptance. They (sort of ) want teachers to like them. They often feel they are the only one who does not fit
in, as if everyone is constantly staring
at them and judging them. They believe they are usually failing. At the
same time, they are oblivious to what everyone else is feeling.
Social conflicts often take place behind the scenes, so it is harder for teachers
to know or help. Girls this age do not want to stand up to friends lest social
consequences follow. Talking to adults about issues is sometimes seen as a
betrayal tantamount to social suicide. Trying to navigate in and out of social groups is often a cause of crises.
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Academics become challenging, and not all students know how to manage that. They move from seeing schoolwork as easy to not being able to succeed merely by paying attention. At this time, learning moves away from memorization to
more in-depth (and unfamiliar) thought processes. By April, students want to be
known as smart and as learners; they like having a grown-up voice. Spring is the peak time for developmental leaps, and that is when students may fall apart. The
unknown of the Upper School is scary, so their behavior often regresses as they look toward the next step in their journey.
A common dilemma for eighth-graders is that they want to be spoon-fed
information but also to learn advanced subjects; the two do not readily coexist. In many ways, this is a reflection of how they feel: they want to be grown-up
(as they perceive it), but they also do not necessarily want to take on the real
responsibilities of adulthood. There is a certain amount of holding onto childish behavior patterns as they experiment with what it means to be an adult.
Eighth-Grader in School
Girls this age want teachers to like them, but also to leave them alone. Students who do not trust teachers at the beginning of the year normally reconsider. Most
girls do learn to talk to the adults in their life, although it may be intimidating. Some of them are, simply speaking, good girls, but many spend the year
“innocently� challenging the uniform rules. This is a regular source of friction if for no other reason than other grade levels complain about it to teachers.
Eighth-graders start the year excited about academics. They are (maybe) ready
to move to abstract thought; they are motivated, and everything seems easy and under control. Seventh-grade coursework has helped them acquire the necessary
skill set for this year, and each student has developed an organizational style. Some work better than others.
By the middle of the year, coursework becomes more difficult and rigorous; some
students do incredible work, while others feel overwhelmed but try to deal with
it. Some fall apart in a major way. January feels overwhelming with auditions, the
math exam, Model UN and Science Fair, but students are proud of themselves
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for managing their busy workloads and feel more proactive than they did in
seventh grade. Most of them want to be organized and responsible; they enjoy balancing their school and home lives.
In the spring, students are academically exhausted, but they have a tremendous sense of their abilities and accomplishments. April and May are the most stressful months, but most students manage to successfully come through them.
Parenting an Eighth-Grader
Eighth-grade students are technologically advanced and use social media
outlets; they can quickly move to the newest fad. However, they struggle with using devices as academic tools, despite their dependence on them. Parents must remember that their daughter will always manage to stay ahead of what they know about technology. The phone becomes the primary source of conflict.
Parents might feel that their daughter’s peers engage in risky behaviors that they
do not approve of, but they struggle to understand that their daughter might also be experimenting. They often deal with a child who makes her own plans
and informs them afterward. Parents sometimes want the school to get involved in social behaviors. Indeed, girls this age need help managing their growing independence and staying away from technology. At this time, parents also deal
with the looming reality of high school. Accordingly, they want to know the
available choice of high school classes. Parents worry about life over the next four years—and beyond.
Students who participate in traveling team sports find much of their lives driven by these activities. Most eighth-graders refuse to go to socials, a stance that often
conflicts with their parents’ desire for them to practice social skills. Slumber parties generally decrease at this age. Instead, girls develop interest in co-ed events, which require a new level of supervision.
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UPPER SCHOOL
42
The Upper School at Hathaway Brown is committed to Social-Emotional
Learning, as evidenced by the resources dedicated to mentor groups, wellness classes and student support staff. The SEL curriculum is delivered formally
in wellness classes throughout the four-year course of study. Informally, SEL permeates all aspects of the Upper School, and it is largely stewarded by the school’s mentoring program; mentor and mentees are in contact daily.
The school motto—“We learn not for school, but for life”—inspires the work
that teachers do with students in the areas of decision-making, self-management, self-awareness, social awareness and relationship skills. These lessons are infused throughout the core curriculum, athletic initiatives, experiential offerings and
arts classes. Faculty and staff work closely with parents to ensure that students remain in control during these important years before college. The administration
scaffolds the students’ experience so that they appropriately take risks and gain the confidence they need to tackle the world beyond Hathaway Brown.
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NINTH GRADE Developmental Overview
In the three-year span from seventh through ninth grade, young teenagers psychologically pull themselves out of their childhood embeddedness in their
families. According to developmental psychologist Robert Kegan, ninth-graders are in the stage of the “interpersonal self.” In other words, they devote their
psychological and developmental energy to becoming intensely social creatures, as parents of young teenagers often testify. By this grade, most girls have
developed the rudiments of a social persona for navigating adolescent society. Still, they remain concerned with being “normal” and finding their place relative to their peers. They have difficulty tolerating differences and deviations from the social norm.
One corollary of disembedding from the family is that ninth-graders begin to
see adults objectively. Up to this point, most of their relationships with adults
(teachers, coaches, aunts and uncles, doctors) have been mediated and arranged by their parents. They now feel more capable of independently forming relationships
with adults outside the immediate family, including adults who serve as mentors and who begin to take on some responsibility for guiding the young person toward adulthood.
Psychologist Jean Piaget identified age 14 as the most likely time for the
emergence of formal logical cognition, including abstract thinking and reasoning. This development expresses itself in the ninth-grader’s ability to begin grasping the bigger picture: the connection between action and consequence, the implicit deeper meaning of narratives and so on.
In his discussion of the “three stages of Star Wars,” Kegan elegantly illustrated this
developmental phenomenon. When asked about the movie, a small child talks about a favorite character. The preadolescent child produces a coherent narrative
of the storyline, whereas the formal operational child understands the symbolic battle between good and evil. In the interpersonal sphere, this emergent cognitive
capacity means that ninth-graders can now do a better job of understanding
44
motives and intentions from multiple points of view. In the self-management
sphere, it means that they exhibit more executive function, as in managing the interconnected matrix of activities, social life and schoolwork.
However, Piaget also noted—and this is crucial to understanding the psychology
of the ninth-grader—that these cognitive changes establish themselves in a very
uneven fashion. Thus, while a ninth-grade student may exhibit all of these abilities, she is unlikely to do so across the board, or with any consistency. This is one reason adults often become frustrated with this age group. A ninth-grader may exhibit a
capacity to grasp the bigger picture and to appreciate different points of view in
a classroom discussion, but then operate at a much more concrete and egocentric level in the management of real-life interactions. For example, one ninth-grader whose teacher asked her to be less chatty and distracting reported to her mentor
that the teacher was being “mean.” The cognitive and interpersonal maturity associated
with
abstract
reasoning
emerges sporadically in occasional flashes of insight and reflection. Over time, these
flashes become more frequent, but it is not until later in the high school and college years that this mode of thinking achieves consistency.
Ninth-Grader in School
The transition from Middle to Upper School is a significant moment for any student. Entering high school is a great
adolescent ritual. Students who got by on their natural talents in the Middle School often find that they now need to work harder to achieve the same
results, especially in honors classes. However, the GPAs of ninth-graders are
typically equal to or better than those of eighth-graders—a fact that reflects the
45
strength of the Middle School curriculum. This should also give rising ninth-
graders confidence about the prospects of success in the Upper School. Students must study and work with a new level of independence; whereas they once had
supervised conferences, in the Upper School they now have unsupervised free periods, as well as supervised study halls two times a cycle.
At this age, students exhibit a wide range of emotional, intellectual and physical
development. This can manifest in various ways, as some students are still very
much little girls. Socially, this is a time of change. Whereas eighth-graders live in a world where 14-year-olds run the social scene, ninth-graders step into a world
where 18-year-olds rule. An influx of 40 to 45 new students can quickly change existing friendship groups. Activities, sports and classes expose them to fresh ideas and new people. At the beginning of the year, a ninth-grader worries about
having friends and finding a group that accepts her. She does not want to stand out; rather she yearns to be like everyone else. Trying out different friends and
groups of friends can help her find a place to fit in. The fact that she does not yet have a driver’s license impacts weekend social plans.
Ninth grade also marks a time when students share intimacy and family issues with school friends. They regularly compare themselves to others, and often assume that everyone is focused on them. This can lead to feelings of
embarrassment when they fear they may have done something wrong, both in the classroom and in social situations. Social media can impact this, sometimes through poor choices.
Although ninth-graders who enter the Upper School from Hathaway Brown’s Middle School are treated as new students, girls who enter from other schools
must deal not only with all the changes described here, but also with the complications of a completely new school environment. The academic jump for
outside students can be significant. Many who come from less rigorous schools
become frustrated, if not devastated, when they do not immediately get all A’s. Once top students at their former schools, they can find themselves in the middle of the pack at Hathaway Brown.
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Mentoring a Ninth-Grader
A vital part of the mentor/student/parent relationship, the mentor is the student’s
advocate for the next four years and a liaison between the school and the family. Parents and students should be encouraged to come to their mentor for all questions and concerns. The mentor must be proactive in addressing the issues raised by both parents and students, and in clarifying the difference between Middle School advisors and Upper School mentors.
It is important to normalize the anxiety that goes along with the transition to the
Upper School—especially the changing social dynamics (“I have no friends!”)
and academic concerns (“I’m going to fail!”). Students should be reminded that even 12th-graders deal with these feelings and that learning to cope with this transition is an important life lesson.
Ninth-graders need concrete advice and coping skills to deal with issues such
as completing an increasing amount of homework, managing free time during the school day and dealing with friendships. It is important to begin these
conversations in September and to continue them as needed throughout the school year. For example, a mentor can help a student alleviate anxiety by creating
a study schedule for exams that balances studying, sleeping and relaxing. Parents need to be reminded that they can provide a safe place for their daughter to
break down—and that they do not always have to take action. Sometimes girls just need to vent.
Mentors often coach students on how to contact teachers directly and how
to be proactive about their own learning styles. Ninth-graders sometimes fear talking to a teacher; mentors can help to bridge that gap. Mentors need to help
students recognize and identify their strengths and accomplishments. They can also assist students in understanding the cause-and-effect relationship between
behavior and outcomes (for example, hard work = good grades; breaking the dress code = point). In an effort to help each student find her niche, mentors can encourage clubs, sports and activities offered by the Institute for 21st Century
Education. An emphasis should be placed on the student’s role in learning about and utilizing leadership opportunities.
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Parenting a Ninth-Grader
This is a difficult year for both parents and students. Parents start saying goodbye
to their daughter’s childhood, which can make them feel like they have a sixyear-old one moment and a 26-year-old the next. Most girls at this age are selfconscious and preoccupied with themselves. They begin adjusting to sexually maturing bodies and feelings.
Ninth-graders begin to make friends outside the family; their peer group is of
utmost importance, and being kept out can feel devastating. When girls make friends based on interests and not just proximity (that is, outside the family or
neighborhood), parents should not hesitate to get in touch with the parents of these new friends. Since parents know their children best, it is important that they
keep an eye out for unacceptable behavior and safety concerns, and inform the school immediately.
A student wants to feel that she is the agent of her own decisions, so parents
should help their daughter manage issues from the sideline as much as possible. School resources can be helpful, however. Parents can inform the administration
of a problem that they have encouraged their daughter to handle on her own; a
teacher may be able to help smooth the situation. This is a time when students develop new perspectives on human relationships, and perhaps begin to see teachers as allies, not adversaries.
At home, establishing behavior contracts up front (for example, “What might
happen if you break curfew?”) is a useful strategy at a time when students are
honing their skills in decision-making, problem-solving and conflict resolution. Because this age group actively participates in social media and technology use, or
abuse, it is key to schedule technology-free time without creating social alienation from the all-important peer group. Some families create a “phone spa” in the kitchen where phones rest and recharge.
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TENTH GRADE Developmental Overview
Following a burst of prefrontal cortex development, 10th-graders experience tremendous cognitive development. Abstract reasoning and big-picture thinking become more consistent and robust, evidenced particularly in academic
performance. This cognitive advancement is expressed more slowly in the social-
emotional sphere, but even here 10th-graders show a maturational shift forward. They are less reactive to circumstances and opportunities and more conscious of considering options and making choices.
One consequence of these changes is that students develop a more richly articulated inner world. They are more capable of reflection and self-assessment
and more likely to experience ambivalence and conflict. Younger teenagers tend to experience ambivalence in serial fashion, holding one position at a time and
shifting back and forth with apparent inconsistency. Similarly, they are more likely to project conflict by fighting with adults as a way of blaming others when something goes wrong.
The abstract-thinking 10th-grader, by contrast, is able to simultaneously
experience competing points of view or agendas, which yields more mature, internalized versions of ambivalence and conflict. These students personally
feel more substantial, possessing a perspective from which to view and evaluate
the world around them. One outcome of these developments is that they often
experience tension between what they want for themselves and what they believe others expect of them. Consequently, dilemmas of choice are a common feature of their developmental experience.
10th-Grader in School
A jump in academic intensity takes place between ninth and 10th grade. One
reason for this is that some students schedule more honors and AP courses. Most students adjust to greater responsibility, autonomy and higher expectations, but
this adjustment takes a little time. For example, some 10th-graders may struggle
during the third or fourth week of school. At that point, most classes have
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completed the first unit of the year, and students may find themselves with a test or a paper due in every subject in the space of a week or less. Students eventually adjust to the pace, but they can become anxious and may blame the teacher.
Students report that they grow academically during 10th grade. By the end of
the year, they are better writers, exhibit enhanced study skills, are more organized
and use time more wisely. They write more in-depth notes, work more efficiently and are more adept at taking tests. Students recognize the benefits of having
experienced many different points of view; they become better analytical thinkers. One student even reported that she realized she liked to learn. Teachers and
mentors can be helpful in this process by noticing and actively praising students’ efforts.
This year is one of great
changes and choices. Much
of the signature rebelliousness of adolescence begins to show
itself at this age, evident in a greater frequency of acting
out and testing the limits. It has been called “a year full
of dilemmas.” One major dilemma that presents itself
is the choice of following one’s personal passion versus following agenda.
the
mainstream
Most girls turn 16 during the
year, which means a driver’s license and all that goes with
it. The driver’s test itself can
be intimidating and stressful; some students fail on the first
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try. Once they begin to drive, a number of issues arise: competition over cars and
a new freedom that allows for more social opportunities, and thus distractions from schoolwork.
By the end of 10th grade, students report that they are stronger, more confident,
more mature and more responsible. They are better able to think for themselves, instead of letting their peer group tell them what to do. As a result, their relationships (the ones that matter, at least) become stronger.
Mentoring a 10th-Grader
Students need guidance at the beginning of the year if they are struggling
with the increased academic expectations of 10th grade. Mentors need to ask about specific courses; otherwise, they may never truly hear about the student’s
progress. Students should be encouraged to view their mentor as a resource who can help them identify strengths and weaknesses, set goals and establish plans for reaching those goals. As an important ally, a mentor also helps students deal with problems, providing encouragement and honest feedback.
Early on, 10th-graders begin to contemplate what they want from their four years of high school. They are about to gain more flexibility in course selection, as well
as more opportunities for leadership roles. In order to take advantage of those opportunities, a student should be asked some important questions: What are
your passions? How can you best nurture those passions via the school’s Institute for 21st Century Education? What academic trajectory is most appropriate for
you? What prerequisites must you fulfill to schedule the classes you have in mind?
Each fall, students are introduced to a number of semester-away programs. For those who choose to apply, this is often their first time coordinating an
application process. It is a big decision for both the student and her parents, so mentors may find them reaching out for support as they make their choices. The college guidance office is a good resource, and the Hathaway Brown Portal provides more information about these opportunities.
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In some sports, 10th-graders play a leadership role, especially as captains on junior
varsity teams. This is a great opportunity for students to work on leadership skills, though they may need guidance. A number of 10th-grade students sometimes
play prominent roles on varsity teams, which can lead to jealousy and resentment. One difficult lesson for some 10th-graders is that it is not possible to do
everything. Some may want to take two history courses, two science courses and study two languages all at once. They may wish to act in the school play, prepare
a Science Research & Engineering Program project, play sports every season and volunteer two afternoons a week. Mentors can be a voice for moderation
in helping students navigate these difficult choices. They can also help students create a manageable plan for the next three years.
This is the age when romantic relationships and experimentation often begin. This fact, together with heightened body awareness, can lead to concerns about weight and appearance. Mentors can provide a voice in support of realistic and
healthy self-appraisal. A student’s circle of friends may change and grow wider. In many instances, friends begin to replace parents and other adults when a
girl seeks advice. This is all the more reason for mentors to avail themselves as credible sources of wisdom and counsel.
At this time, many students begin thinking about the college process. They won’t be applying to college for two more years, however, so mentors need to help keep
things in perspective. It is reasonable for students to begin thinking about what
type of college would be the best fit, but thoughts of college should not occupy much of their time. But it is important for them to remember that colleges want students who make positive, authentic contributions to their classes, their school and their community.
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Parenting a 10th-Grader
Students exhibit substantial academic growth this year; many have solidified their
good habits, but some still need help. Parents should make sure their daughter reaches out to teachers to get any help that she may need.
The second semester of 10th grade is when the social “storming and norming” of
ninth grade usually ends. Peer groups often form along the lines of “we do this” or “we don’t do this,” or around decision-making. Quiet time for conversation with a parent (often in the car) can be invaluable. Remember: Her perception is her reality.
At this age, students develop meaningful moral standards, values and belief
systems. Parents should not be afraid to talk with their daughter about ideals such as family values or religious views. Some students can drive, so they and
their friends may end up somewhere or with someone that their parents have not sanctioned. Parents should make sure that they have a contract with their daughter regarding behavior and expectations.
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E LEV E N T H G R A D E Developmental Overview
This is a year of consolidation on all developmental fronts—familial, social, emotional and cognitive—which yields a more integrated psychological self and an opening of new developmental frontiers. The 11th-grader typically has
established her position in the social landscape of adolescent society. The self-
discovery of ninth and 10th grade gives way to an established social identity. She knows who she is relative to her peers, and she takes up her position as an emerging veteran in the fluid social landscape of adolescence.
A parallel developmental status marks the student’s relationship with her family. The disembedding and occasional rebelliousness that characterized early and middle adolescence have usually by now yielded a new level of psychological
independence relative to parents. This is typically evident in the greater degree of
autonomy
management
and
that
self-
students
display in all areas of their psychological life. Parents are
still important, of course, but 11th-graders typically feel a
greater degree of confidence in
managing
emotional,
their
intellectual
social, and
academic life. There is a shift from
the
expectations
environmentalagenda
of
earlier adolescence to a more
internally directed, personalchoice agenda. Often there is conflict within the mother/
daughter relationship as a
daughter strives to differentiate from her mother’s identity.
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Teachers witness a more consistent and stable capacity for big-picture thinking, evidenced in various ways. For example, students more clearly understand the
relationship between study time, effort and results. Similarly, the relevant future
expands beyond the upcoming social and academic calendar, taking in the more distant horizons of college and career. They begin to see themselves not only in
relation to peers and adults but to the wider world, as fledgling citizens who care about causes and play a role in society.
In many respects, 11th-graders develop a more centered psychological self, with a clearer grasp of values, beliefs and goals. Psychological identity transcends its
earlier adolescent iteration of social persona and role relative to peers, and begins to address a wider field of self-defining characteristics, such as religious and
political beliefs, tentative goals for the future and place in the school community. It is a time when leadership becomes more than a position to which one has been appointed or elected, but a trait of personality itself.
11th-Grader in School
At this age, students feel more comfortable discussing their strong beliefs, ideas
and values. They often begin to stand alone on issues and feel comfortable about this in classes, with family and in their peer group.
Academically, most 11-graders have many choices. Even if they carefully considered those choices during course selection, many still wonder whether their load is too heavy or too light. They often think through course selection in terms
of the college admission process. Students pay attention to the rigor of their own classes as well as those of their peers, which can cause competition and anxiety.
The prospect of college occupies students’ thoughts more than ever, and anxiety
about grades increases accordingly. Students should not let the college process overwhelm them and overshadow the year. They need to be reminded that high
school is a time for growth, academic and otherwise. Specifically, 11th grade is
an ideal time to continue to develop a love for learning and to discover passions. Some students miss this opportunity by being overly grade conscious.
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Courses typically reflect an expectation that the students’ abstract cognitive
maturation is complete or nearly so. Therefore, the pacing of these courses is
often more rapid than in prior years. There is also a greater expectation that students can—and should—take more initiative for their learning. This can cause
tension, especially early in the year. By the end of the year, though, true academic self-confidence is generally the result.
Mentoring an 11th-Grader
While 11th-graders may exhibit behaviors across the maturity spectrum, it is the mentor’s job to help them develop into 12th-graders. Mentors should remember
to approach each student at her developmental level, and help her on her path. The myth that 11th grade is tough and 12th grade is easy should be debunked.
Negotiating with adults is a key developmental skill, one that not all students have mastered. Although it may seem that 11-graders should be able to do this on their own, mentors may need to step in and act as a coach. Mentors should continue to
emphasize opportunities for leadership and to encourage students to try different activities. Because students begin to understand that leadership is more than an elected office, they often see possibilities for leadership in everyday life.
Mentors must let the college counselors deal with college counseling. Parent
or student questions about college should be referred to the College Office. Although students might not admit it, some worry about leaving Hathaway
Brown and going to college. Mentors must encourage students to keep an open mind about college and careers.
Issues of dating, alcohol and drugs seem to ramp up during the junior year. This underscores the continuing value of the mentor as a model and resource of wisdom and good judgment. Even basic reminders concerning the importance
of good nutrition and sleep habits may support the development of mature selfmanagement skills.
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Mentors can encourage students to renew old friendships and to reach out to former classmates. Teamwork and collaboration remain important ways for them to create unity now and as they move into the 12th grade. Parenting an 11th-Grader
Students have settled into their “high school selves” at this point, which is often a relief socially and academically for them as well as their parents. Still on a
spectrum of development, they often wistfully look at their senior “sisters” and wish they were in their shoes. Parents need to encourage their daughter to dig
deep into passion areas, as she will do her best work when engaged and committed. Many students start to question activities they have always done, such as playing soccer since age four, so parents should engage them in conversations about the pros and cons of continuing such pursuits.
Students should be empowered to tackle their own problems and negotiate
with adults (when appropriate), but parents must stay involved. The social scene changes at this point; as upperclasswomen, 11th-graders have exposure and access to many different choices—the good, the bad and the ugly.
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T W E LF T H G R A D E Developmental Overview
This year marks the developmental seam between the preceding years of
adolescence and the ensuing years of emerging adulthood. While each year of
high school involves developmental transitions, 12th grade involves a transition on a much larger scale. The fact that 12th-grade students will soon embark on a
new stage of life serves as the backdrop for every aspect of their experience and development.
What the adult world expects from 12th-graders, and indeed what 12th-graders
expect from themselves, is for their adolescent development to near completion. Both teachers and students expect a host of developmental accomplishments:
competent self-management skills, psychological differentiation from parents, cognitive capacity for big-picture thinking, sharpened skills for planning and problem-solving, and a realistic orientation toward the future.
The unifying theme of these expectations is that they prepare students for disengaging from the adult-managed world of high school, entering the selfmanaged future and separating from their parents. Of course, not every student
has truly finished and mastered the developmental curriculum of adolescence, and
consequently teachers occasionally observe seniors revisiting and recapitulating
unfinished developmental tasks. Whenever teachers witness abrupt behavior changes during 12th grade—a student becoming more intensely social, becoming rebellious, fighting with parents—it is usually a case of someone revisiting and attempting to complete an unfinished developmental task.
An important aspect of this transition is that students become acutely aware of coming out to the wider adult world, showcasing themselves and being judged as prospective initiates of that world. The college admission process serves to
focus and heighten this aspect of the emerging adulthood transition. For many, this process is the first measurement of their value in the marketplace of the adult world. An unavoidable vulnerability to self-esteem accompanies them as
they wait to hear from admissions committees. For this reason, many students
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experience an undercurrent of anxiety and potential shame, lest they be found wanting or exposed as a fraud. Whatever doubts an individual harbors concerning
her readiness and adequacy are likely to surface during the college admission process.
As a whole, 12th grade constitutes a period of preparation for leaving childhood
and adolescence behind; these issues are played out behaviorally in relationships both at home and at school. In the closing months of the school year, teachers
often witness palpable signs of withdrawal and disengagement, otherwise known as senioritis.
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12th-Grader in School
This year, students maintain and nurture a broad spectrum of responsibilities. They balance the demands of the college process with upholding their role in the
Hathaway Brown community and managing their transition from adolescent self-
exploration to adult-identity development. They now enter the developmental stage called emerging adulthood, so they must have opportunities to try on
adult roles and behavior. This is propelled by a general progression from adult
supervision toward self-supervision, as reflected both in the wider community’s expectations and in the student’s expectations of herself. She is aware of these calls for independent action and decision-making in all facets of her life.
A theme of 12th grade and the college application process is showcasing oneself
to the adult world—as a person, a learner and a leader. The fall and winter of
12th grade have been called the seasons of anxiety because this is when students
prepare their college applications and await admissions decisions. Accordingly, it is an important time for honing the resilience necessary to manage fears and disappointments. Not surprisingly, teachers sometimes observe signs of heightened stress.
This can be a time of relationship realignment, as girls begin to redefine themselves based on their goals. They may develop new relationships based on
shared dreams and a desire for deeper commitments. At the same time, they
typically begin to separate from established relationships with family and friends and from activity-related commitments.
Senioritis is a common phenomenon of 12th grade, particularly as the year wears
on. This is evident in a loss of energy and focus on schoolwork, and in a loss of
emotional investment in the school community. As trying as senioritis may be, it is important to remember that it reflects a natural process of withdrawal and closure at the end of one’s high school career—a sort of reclaiming and collecting of energy for reinvestment in the developmental journey ahead.
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Teachers often witness the paradox of increasing conflict with parents and friends and a growing comfort with the prospect of leaving home. This is all part of the psychological preparation for leaving and moving on.
Mentoring a 12th-Grader
The mentor’s role is to remain the grounding influence for realistic thinking and
balance throughout a year filled with transitions and challenges. Occasionally, students may need encouragement and intervention as they encounter frustration and anxiety during the college application process.
Girls this age continue to need validation of their growth and development. The mentor can provide empowerment simply by expecting that students conduct
themselves in a more adult-like manner. These expectations, conveyed in a
supportive manner, strengthen a student’s awareness of herself as an emerging adult. The mentor may share these expectations by verbalizing faith that a student possesses the necessary resilience and resources to work through difficult situations and solve everyday problems.
The mentor serves as a steadying, grounding influence on the roller coaster ride
that is 12th grade—laughing, crying, hoping to be accepted and fearing rejection. This support plays a significant role in managing anxiety and separation issues. Helping a student maintain a sense of self as she questions old beliefs enables her to imagine a future that will be determined by personal choices and values.
Girls this age tend to have complex relationships with their parents, and especially with their mothers, which can complicate their transition from home and high
school to college. Mentors may represent a student’s most enduring connection
to the adult community at school, and they may need to help her gracefully say goodbye and gain closure with this community.
An important part of mentoring a 12th-grader is to hold the overarching
perspective of her growth and development throughout her entire high school career. The mentor knows the mentee’s strengths and weaknesses as a student and
an individual, and has watched her grow and bounce back through challenges.
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The mentor very likely has a way of seeing her future potential more lucidly
than she does herself. Thus, the mentor must be a constant reminder of this perspective, guiding her on a path to meet her future self.
The time for mentorship is limited during senior year because students often go to other sources, such as the College Office, for the support and information they
need. Mentors must balance competing forces: the desire to reduce and eliminate
stressors on students while also holding them accountable for their commitments. Mentors can’t and shouldn’t fix everything, and must push students to be resilient.
Parenting a 12th-Grader
Seniors sometimes struggle to meet the demands of increasingly mature roles and
responsibilities, as this is the time in their high school career when commitments, including the thesis paper, collide with the all-important college application process. Each student deals differently with the transition to college—perhaps emotional and sentimental one moment and cold and distant the next—which
makes parenting a challenge. However, their feelings or emotions should not be minimized; deep listening often results in a calmer, more focused approach to challenges. Support should be solicited if parents believe a child is past her
normal range of emotions. Hathaway Brown is well versed in these matters, and stands ready to assist.
Parents may find that their daughter needs a dose of reality when her thoughts become unrealistic or fatalistic (“I must get into Harvard,” “I will never get into college”). Helping her manage these extreme thoughts is crucial, while also
recognizing that her feelings represent her reality at that moment. Parents can be the calm and steady force when everything else seems out of control.
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RESOURCES Bailey, Becky A. Conscious Discipline: Building Resilient Classrooms. Oviedo, FL: Loving Guidance, 2015. Boaler, Jo. What’s Math Got to Do With It? Rev. ed. New York: Penguin Books, 2015. Damour, Lisa. Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood. London: Atlantic Books, 2017. Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Random House, 2006. Orenstein, Peggy. Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape. New York: Harper, 2017. Sales, Nancy Jo. American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers. New York: Vintage Books, 2017. Siegel, Daniel J., and Tina Payne Bryson. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Vancouver: Langara College, 2016. Simmons, Rachel. Enough as She Is: How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy, and Fulfilling Lives. New York: Harper, 2018. Simmons, Rachel. Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls. New York: Harvest Books, 2003. Snel, Eline. Sitting Still Like a Frog: Mindfulness Exercises for Kids (and Their Parents). Boston: Shambhala, 2013. Trelease, Jim. The Read-Aloud Handbook. 7th ed. New York: Penguin Books, 2013. Wood, Chip. Yardsticks: Children in the Classroom, Ages 4–14. 3rd ed. Turners Falls, MA: Center for Responsive Schools, 2007.
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ONLINE https://childmind.org https://kidshealth.org https://www.amightygirl.com https://www.care.com https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/middle2.html https://www.commonsensemedia.org https://www.edutopia.org/SEL-parents-resources https://www.parenting.com https://www.parents.com https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/positive/the-secret-toraising-a-happy-confident-girl https://www.pbs.org/parents https://www.pbs.org/parents/parenting/raising-girls https://www.pbs.org/parents/parenting/raising-girls/friends-social-life/helpingelementary-schoolers-deal-with-social-conflict https://www.pbs.org/parents/parenting/raising-girls/friends-social-life/ understanding-elementary-school-friendships https://www.webmd.boots.com/children/guide/childhood-milestones-age-9
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