Bulletin Board

Gotcha! A Letter To My Boss Hide The Necklace

A preacher was reaching the end of his sermon when he said, “Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It ties into my next sermon.”

The next Sunday the preacher asked, “How many of you read Leviticus chapter 28?” Scores of hands went up. He smiled and said, “Folks, there is no 28th chapter to Leviticus. Now let me start my sermon on lying.”

Italian Mother

Anthony excitedly told his mother that he has fallen in love and will soon marry.

He said, “Just for fun, mama, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” His mother agreed.

The next day he brought the beautiful women into the house, sat them down on the couch and they chatted for a while.

He then said, “Okay, mama, guess which one I plan to marry.”

Mama immediately replied, “The one on the right.”

“That’s amazing, mama. You’re right. How did you know?”

She clipped, “I don’t like her.” Questions Without Answers 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C? 3. Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned? 4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V? 5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing us and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work. 6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty. 7. The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims” 8. At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours? 9. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around? 10. Why is there a ‘d’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator? 11. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made? 12. Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with fun? 13. Why isn’t a fireman called a waterman? 14. How come lipstick doesn’t do what it says? 15. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 16. How do you get off a non-stop flight? 17. Why are goods sent by ship called cargo and those sent by truck called shipment? 18. Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the cupboard?

A 17-year-old boy was shopping at a departI have enjoyed working here these past several ment store in St. Cloud, Minn. The cashier years. You have paid me very well and given me bene- was a Muslim lady who was wearing her fits beyond belief. I get two to three months off each headscarf. The boy was wearing a necklace year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the with a cross on it. day I die and then pay my estate a one-year salary She told him he would have to put his cross death bonus and then continue to pay my spouse my under his shirt because it offended her. He told salary with increases until she or he dies, and a health her he would not do that. Then he told her that plan that most people can only dream of having. he thought she should take her hijab (headscarf) Despite this, I plan to take the next 12-18 months to off. She then called for the manager. find a new posi tion. During this time, I will show up The manager came out and told the boy to just for work when it is convenient for me. And in addi- put his cross under his shirt and everything tion, I fully expect to draw my full salary and all the would be fine. The boy again refused to do so, other perks associated with my current job. and at that point he left the items he had intendOh yes, if my search for this new job proves fruit- ed to purchase and walked out. Several cusless, I will be coming back with no loss in pay or sta- tomers in line behind him had heard the convertus. Before you say anything, remember that you have sation and also left their carts full of items and no choice in this matter. I can, and I will do this. walked out of the store! Sincerely, Senate and House members running for President in 2024 Playing The Part A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he took two steps, stopped, and turned to the crowd, alternating be tween the bride’s side and groom’s side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, roar, step, step, roar—all the way down the aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laugh ing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the end of the aisle. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the ring bear.” Blonde Joke Halted A blind man walked into a lesbian bar by mistake. He sat down and ordered a drink. He sipped it for a while and then announced that he had a blonde joke to tell. The bar quickly went quiet. With a deep voice, the woman sitting next to him said, “Before you tell your joke, I’d just like to inform you that: 1. The bartender is a blonde woman. 2. The bouncer is a blonde woman. 3. I’m blonde, 6’ 2’’, 260 pounds and have a black belt in karate. 4. The woman next to me is also blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The woman on your right is also blonde and she’s a professional Bob’s Big Boys wrestler. So now that you know this, are The Pee Dee River bottoms in South Car- you sure you want to tell your olina can grow some big, quality hard- blonde joke?” wood, as evidenced by these red and The blind man shook his head and white oak specimens recently harvested in the Cash Swamp in Chesterfield County by the crew of Great Woods said, “Oh. Well, never mind then.” The woman laughed and said, “I Companies LLC, Bennettsville, SC. Bob thought so; you don’t want to get Lussier, GWC’s President and Operations Manager, reports, “It was the nicest hard- your butt kicked, do ya.” wood tract I've cut in my 38-year career,” adding that some 30-plus ton loads con- The blind man replied, “No, it’s tained only 4 to 5 logs. They were hauled to Long Island Lumber Co., Long Island, Va., for conversion to crane mats. not that, I just don’t want to have to explain the joke five times.”

Spotlight On: Tires, Tracks, Etc.

Southern Loggin’ Times invited manufacturers of tires, tracks and chains to submit editorial.

Forest Chain Multi-Ring

Forest Chain wide range of ring skidder chains are available in fixed ring, multi ring, and studded with 9⁄16", 5⁄8" or 3⁄4" tag chains to fit all popular tire sizes. Designed to give as much as 60% more traction to your skidder, Forest Chain skidder chains provide quicker skid times, more production and increased bottom line profits. Forest Chain premium multi-ring heavy duty chains offer superior traction and are available in 9⁄16, 5⁄8, 3⁄4, 7⁄8 and 1 inch. The DoubleDiamond configured chains equipped with U-shaped studs are especially effective in the worst conditions: the deep biting lugs dig deeply into the terrain. Repairs are easy using common welding techniques and materials for longer life. Email forestchain@gmail.com or call 800-288-0887.

Olofsfors

Olofsfors is a Swedish based company founded in 1762 with North American operations in Brantford, Ontario, Canada. Olofsfors Inc. specializes in attachments and accessories for the cut-to-length machinery. The two main product lines are ECO-Tracks and Iggesund Forest.

Olofsfors is the market leader in bogie tracks for CTL machinery and wheel tracks for skidders and wheeled feller bunchers. Under the brand name, ECO-Tracks, Olofsfors offers a wide range of track models and linkage systems for various machine configurations and ground conditions. Most track models are now available in the next generation of curved cross members for increased flotation, less ground disturbance and easier machine turning.

The track assortment ranges from traction only, flotation only and all around. Along with 5 different link systems, Olofsfors has the most track options available on the market today. The link systems range from 22 mm (7⁄8") to 30 mm (1-3⁄16") with the 26 mm (1") being the most popular. The newest addition is a larger 29 mm (1-1⁄8") link system. It features a 29 mm (1-1⁄8") link and wider and thicker link hook for increased lifetime.

Olofsfors has 9 families of track models. The All Around tracks are ECO-Track and KovaX. Both models provide good traction along with good flotation. The Traction tracks include EX, OF and EVO with EX providing the most traction. The Flotation tracks consist of Baltic, U and CoverX. CoverX is the newest addition which features exceptional flotation along with good traction. The cross member sits higher on the tire and has raised ridges on the leading

edges to increase the traction. Lastly is Combination where you can mix and match track profiles to get the perfect track.

For more product information, visit www.olofsfors.com

Wallingford’s

Wallingford’s Inc. offers BABAC forestry and heavy equipment tire chains that are American made and hand assembled for optimum quality control at our factory in Winslow, Maine. BABAC tire chains are built from 10B21 Through Hardened Boron Alloy steel, with a uniform hardness and tensile strength throughout. Extensive tests and field experience have shown that BABAC tire chains wear longer, more uniformly, and without breakage associated with case hardened products. BABAC offers a full line of standard tire chain patterns for skidder, forwarder, tractor and heavy equipment applications. BABAC tire chain models include single and multiple Diamond net type (with and without U-Form studs), and standard and Multi Ring models (in single or multiple wide patterns). BABAC has computer design capability and we specialize in custom tire chain applications and odd tire sizes.

BABAC’s Ring chains provide excellent traction for operating in mud or other adverse conditions, and have been popular with our Southern logging customers for many years. All models feature alloy lugs that, unlike most other chains, are butt and wrap welded for unsurpassed strength and durability. Tag and cross chains are made from through hardened 10B21 Boron Alloy steel, side chains of 1022 hardened steel. Our slanted half links take out pre-load as the chain goes over the tire. This reduces friction and wear and allows for free tag chain movement. It is a standard feature on all of our ring chains.

Wallingford’s Inc. is a marketing partner with Austria’s pewag group, a premium brand supplier of high-quality traction products for professionals. Pewag manufactures bogie tracks and single wheel tracks, engineered on experience and built in Europe. Pewag single wheel tracks are an alternative to tire chains for skidders, and many Southern logging professionals have found that they perform very well on soils found in their region. All of our pewag wheel tracks come complete with a fitting kit which includes tensioners and joining links for installation and

BKT

FS 216 is a bias tire that has a robust log design with optimum angle and wider width to enhance traction performance for loggers and skidders. It provides excellent cut and chip resistance under the most critical operating conditions and ensures maximum protection against possible damages at any time. It has a high load capacity with excellent selfcleaning properties. The FS 216 has superior durability for the toughest jobs and is designed with a reinforced bead to extend the tire’s lifecycle. The tire is available in many sizes and ply ratings to fit the right environment.

Please visit bkt-tires.com for more information.