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Gotcha! A preacher was reaching the end of his sermon when he said, “Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It ties into my next sermon.” The next Sunday the preacher asked, “How many of you read Leviticus chapter 28?” Scores of hands went up. He smiled and said, “Folks, there is no 28th chapter to Leviticus. Now let me start my sermon on lying.”
Italian Mother
A Letter To My Boss I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well and given me benefits beyond belief. I get two to three months off each year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and then pay my estate a one-year salary death bonus and then continue to pay my spouse my salary with increases until she or he dies, and a health plan that most people can only dream of having. Despite this, I plan to take the next 12-18 months to find a new position. During this time, I will show up for work when it is convenient for me. And in addition, I fully expect to draw my full salary and all the other perks associated with my current job. Oh yes, if my search for this new job proves fruitless, I will be coming back with no loss in pay or status. Before you say anything, remember that you have no choice in this matter. I can, and I will do this. Sincerely, Senate and House members running for President in 2024
Anthony excitedly told his mother that he has fallen in love and will soon marry. He said, “Just for fun, mama, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” His mother agreed. The next day he brought the beautiful women into the house, sat them down on the couch and they chatted for a while. He then said, “Okay, mama, guess which one I plan to marry.” Mama immediately replied, “The one on the right.” “That’s amazing, mama. You’re right. How did you know?” She clipped, “I don’t like her.”
Questions Without Answers
Hide The Necklace A 17-year-old boy was shopping at a department store in St. Cloud, Minn. The cashier was a Muslim lady who was wearing her headscarf. The boy was wearing a necklace with a cross on it. She told him he would have to put his cross under his shirt because it offended her. He told her he would not do that. Then he told her that he thought she should take her hijab (headscarf) off. She then called for the manager. The manager came out and told the boy to just put his cross under his shirt and everything would be fine. The boy again refused to do so, and at that point he left the items he had intended to purchase and walked out. Several customers in line behind him had heard the conversation and also left their carts full of items and walked out of the store!
Playing The Part
A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he took two steps, stopped, and turned to the crowd, alternating between the bride’s side and groom’s side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, roar, step, step, roar—all the way down the aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the end of the aisle. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the ring bear.”
1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C? 3. Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned? 4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called A blind man walked into a lesbian bar by mistake. He sat down and double V? ordered a drink. He sipped it for a while and then announced that he had a 5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing us and it just takes 75-100 years to fully blonde joke to tell. work. The bar quickly went quiet. 6. Every time you clean something, With a deep voice, the woman sityou just make something else dirty. ting next to him said, “Before you tell 7. The word “swims” upside-down your joke, I’d just like to inform you is still “swims” that: 8. At a movie theater, which arm rest 1. The bartender is a blonde is yours? woman. 9. If people evolved from monkeys, 2. The bouncer is a blonde woman. why are monkeys still around? 3. I’m blonde, 6’ 2’’, 260 pounds 10. Why is there a ‘d’ in fridge, but and have a black belt in karate. not in refrigerator? 4. The woman next to me is also 11. Who knew what time it was blonde and a professional when the first clock was made? weightlifter. 12. Ever wonder why the word 5. The woman on your right is also funeral starts with fun? blonde and she’s a professional 13. Why isn’t a fireman called a wrestler. waterman? So now that you know this, are 14. How come lipstick doesn’t do you sure you want to tell your what it says? The Pee Dee River bottoms in South Carolina can grow some big, quality hardblonde joke?” 15. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, wood, as evidenced by these red and The blind man shook his head and what does a humanitarian eat? white oak specimens recently harvested said, “Oh. Well, never mind then.” 16. How do you get off a non-stop in the Cash Swamp in Chesterfield The woman laughed and said, “I flight? County by the crew of Great Woods thought so; you don’t want to get 17. Why are goods sent by ship Companies LLC, Bennettsville, SC. Bob Lussier, GWC’s President and Operations Manager, reports, “It was the nicest hardyour butt kicked, do ya.” called cargo and those sent by truck wood tract I've cut in my 38-year career,” adding that some 30-plus ton loads conThe blind man replied, “No, it’s called shipment? tained only 4 to 5 logs. They were hauled to Long Island Lumber Co., Long Island, Va., not that, I just don’t want to have to 18. Why do we put cups in the dishfor conversion to crane mats. explain the joke five times.” washer and the dishes in the cupboard?
Blonde Joke Halted
Bob’s Big Boys
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JANUARY 2022 l Southern Loggin’ Times
