Bulletin Board

A Farmer’s Dilemma

The story goes that under pressure from the federal government, a major manufacturer of farm equipment phoned a loyal customer, a bigtime farmer in the Midwest, to see if he would seriously consider switching from diesel-powered machines to the electric models the company is developing.

The farmer’s corn operations are enormous, involving more than 10,000 acres spread across three counties. He has traditionally worked with the manufacturer in testing and demonstrating new, high-tech equipment used in large scale applications. He owns five gigantic diesel combines ($900,000 per unit) that he trades every three years, and a dozen huge tractors.

He responded with a series of questions:

“How do I charge these combines when they’re miles away from the shop and in a 500 acre corn field in the middle of nowhere? How do I run them 24 hours a day for 10 or 12 days straight when the harvest is ready, and the weather is coming in? How do I get a 50,000 pound combine that takes up the width of an entire road back to the shop 20 miles away when the battery goes dead?”

The farmer continued:

“When the corn is ready to harvest, it has to have the proper sugar and moisture content. If it is too wet, it has to be put in giant dryers that burn natural or propane gas, and lots of it. Harvest time is critical because if the corn degrades in sugar content or quality, it can drop the value of my crop by half a million dollars or more. It is analyzed at time of sale. It is standard procedure to run these machines 10 to 12 days straight, 24 hours a day at peak harvest time. When they need fuel, a tanker truck delivers it, and the machines keep going.”

There was dead silence on the other end. Inflation Is So Bad... l My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. l CEOs are now playing miniature golf. l Exxon Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. l McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 oz. burger. l Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. l Parents in Beverly Hills are firing their nannies and learning their children’s names. l Americans are sneaking into Mexico. l A picture is now only worth about 200 words. l When Bill and Hillary travel together, they share a room. l The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. l When I called to get Blue Book value on my car, the guy asked if the gas tank was full or empty. Shark Bait

During a research experiment, a marine biologist placed a small shark into a large holding tank and then released several small bait fish into the tank. As expected, the shark quickly swam around the tank, attacked, and ate the smaller fish.

The marine biologist then inserted and secured a strong piece of clear fiberglass in the tank, creating two separate partitions. She then put the shark on one side of the fiberglass and a new set of bait fish

Life Is Like A Camera... on the other. Again, the shark quickly attacked. This time, Capture The Good Times, Develop From The Negatives; however, it slammed into the fiberglass divider and bounced off. Undeterred, the shark kept repeating this behavior every few minutes to no

If Things Don’t Work Out, avail. Meanwhile, the bait fish swam around unharmed in the second partition. Eventually, Take Another Shot. about an hour into the experiment, the shark gave up. This experiment was repeated several dozen times over the next few weeks. Each time, the shark got less aggressive and made fewer attempts to attack the bait fish, until eventually, the shark got tired of hitting the fiberglass divider and simply stopped attacking altogether. The marine biologist then removed the fiberglass divider, but the shark did not attack. The shark was trained to believe a barrier existed between it and the bait fish, so the bait fish swam wherever they wished, free from harm. The moral: Most people tend to give up after facing a series of setbacks and failures. But do not let these setbacks keep you from trying again. Think of each setback as an opportunity to learn. Do not let the barriers that you set for yourself in your mind keep you from achieving your goals. Remember, nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it.

Why Don’t The 99% Cynical Senior Sayings l I’m responsible for what I say, not what you

Of Us Who Aren’t understand. l My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these

Offended By Everything days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there. Quit Catering To l It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects. The 1% Who Are? l You know you’re getting up in years when you use a shopping cart at the pharmacy. l What do you call an 80-year-old cheerleader? Old Yeller. l I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day. l As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient. l I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the produce department at the grocery store, trying to open a resistant plastic bag. l I put my scale in the bathroom corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes. l Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling. l I’m old enough to remember when mentally ill Sign Of The Month people were put in hospitals, not in Congress. l Why do professional athletes and actors think I should care about what they think? If I wanted advice from someone who chases a ball, I’d ask my dog. l Apparently, RSVPing to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” isn’t the correct response. l She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now. l So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take a vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me? l Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dummy. l There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.