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side of the fiberglass and a new set of bait fish on the other. Life Is Like A Camera... The story goes that under pressure from the Again, the shark quickly attacked. This time, federal government, a major manufacturer of however, it slammed into the fiberglass divider Capture The Good Times, farm equipment phoned a loyal customer, a bigand bounced off. Undeterred, the shark kept time farmer in the Midwest, to see if he would Develop From The Negatives; repeating this behavior every few minutes to no seriously consider switching from diesel-powavail. Meanwhile, the bait fish swam around If Things Don’t Work Out, ered machines to the electric models the compaunharmed in the second partition. Eventually, ny is developing. about an hour into the experiment, the shark Take Another Shot. The farmer’s corn operations are enormous, gave up. involving more than 10,000 acres spread across This experiment was repeated several dozen three counties. He has traditionally worked with times over the next few weeks. Each time, the the manufacturer in testing and demonstrating new, high-tech equipment shark got less aggressive and made fewer attempts to attack the bait fish, used in large scale applications. He owns five gigantic diesel combines until eventually, the shark got tired of hitting the fiberglass divider and ($900,000 per unit) that he trades every three years, and a dozen huge tracsimply stopped attacking altogether. tors. The marine biologist then removed the fiberglass divider, but the shark He responded with a series of questions: did not attack. The shark was trained to believe a barrier existed between it “How do I charge these combines when they’re miles away from the and the bait fish, so the bait fish swam wherever they wished, free from shop and in a 500 acre corn field in the middle of nowhere? How do I run harm. them 24 hours a day for 10 or 12 days straight when the harvest is ready, The moral: Most people tend to give up after facing a series of setbacks and the weather is coming in? How do I get a 50,000 pound combine that and failures. But do not let these setbacks keep you from trying again. takes up the width of an entire road back to the shop 20 miles away when Think of each setback as an opportunity to learn. Do not let the barriers the battery goes dead?” that you set for yourself in your mind keep you from achieving your goals. The farmer continued: Remember, nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it. “When the corn is ready to harvest, it has to have the proper sugar and moisture content. If it is too wet, it has to be put in giant dryers that burn natural l I’m responsible for what I say, not what you or propane gas, and lots of it. Harvest time is critiunderstand. cal because if the corn degrades in sugar content or l My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these quality, it can drop the value of my crop by half a days. I used to have some immunity built up, but million dollars or more. It is analyzed at time of obviously there’s a new strain out there. sale. It is standard procedure to run these machines l It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side 10 to 12 days straight, 24 hours a day at peak hareffects. vest time. When they need fuel, a tanker truck l You know you’re getting up in years when you delivers it, and the machines keep going.” use a shopping cart at the pharmacy. There was dead silence on the other end. l What do you call an 80-year-old cheerleader? Old Yeller. l I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere l My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. near the curb on trash day. l CEOs are now playing miniature golf. l As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m l Exxon Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. just being more energy efficient. l McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 oz. burger. l I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the produce departl Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. ment at the grocery store, trying to open a resistant plastic bag. l Parents in Beverly Hills are firing their nannies and learning their chill I put my scale in the bathroom corner, and that’s where the little liar dren’s names. will stay until it apologizes. l Americans are sneaking into Mexico. l Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it l A picture is now only worth about 200 words. rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling. l When Bill and Hillary travel together, they share a l I’m old enough to remember when mentally ill room. people were put in hospitals, not in Congress. l The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now l Why do professional athletes and actors think I managed by Somali pirates. should care about what they think? If I wanted advice l When I called to get Blue Book value on my car, from someone who chases a ball, I’d ask my dog. l Apparently, RSVPing to a wedding invitation with the guy asked if the gas tank was full or empty. “maybe next time” isn’t the correct response. l She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now. During a research experiment, a marine biologist l So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens placed a small shark into a large holding tank and then all your life, but you won’t take a vaccine because you released several small bait fish into the tank. As don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me? l Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situexpected, the shark quickly swam around the tank, ation again to see if you’re still a dummy. attacked, and ate the smaller fish. l There is no such thing as a grouchy old The marine biologist then inserted and secured a person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop strong piece of clear fiberglass in the tank, creating being polite and start being honest. two separate partitions. She then put the shark on one
A Farmer’s Dilemma
Why Don’t The 99% Of Us Who Aren’t Offended By Everything Quit Catering To The 1% Who Are?
Cynical Senior Sayings
Inflation Is So Bad...
Sign Of The Month
Shark Bait
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AUGUST 2022 l Southern Loggin’ Times
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