The Hawk (4/1/2015

THE

THE HAWK April 1, 2015

SQUAWK

The Student Newspaper of Saint Joseph’s University | Volume XCIII | Est. 1929 | www.hawkhillnews.com

From hoagies to head honcho Kimey Moon announced as first lay president SHANNON ADAMS ’16 Beyonce Mona Lisa Since the announcement that University President C. Kevin Gillespie, SJ, ’72, will not be returning to Saint Joseph’s University next year, the campus community has waited on bated breath for St. Joe’s to choose a new leader. Students have been seen pacing the halls, mumbling about anarchy, and stress crying in the dark corners of Barbelin’s courtyard.

Well, Hawks, the wait is over. It has been revealed that the mononymous (now former) co-owner of Bill’s Market on 63rd Street, Kimey, is the chosen one. Kimey has made her presence known among St. Joe’s students for years by providing quality service and sandwiches to those who frequent her store.

Kimey said that she was approached by administration in the fall with a personal invitation to apply for the presidency.

“When we, as the members of administration, were sitting down thinking of what we were looking for in a new university president, Kimey immediately came to mind,” said Shirley Church, captain of the Presidential Search Committee. “We feel that she embodies the Jesuit ideals this university has put at the forefront of its mission, so once she had applied, it was unanimous.”

When informed of the news, students welcomed Kimey with open arms. “I always knew there was something special about [Kimey]. I don’t know why, but ever since I met her, I knew she was destined for greatness,” said April Forst, ’17.

Moira Guttel, ’15, said she has visited Kimey at least once every weekend since moving to Pennbrook her sophomore year and even passed up a full-time job after graduation so that she could stay in the area for Kimey.

“I had to sit down and ask myself ‘Do you want to accept a six-figure position, pent-

Photo by Matthew J. Haubenstein ’15/Creative Commons

house apartment, and company car? Or do you want to stay within walking distance of Kimey?’ and once I thought about it, the answer was obvious,” said Guttel.

Guttel said her parents were shocked by her decision to stay in her 63rd street home, but their qualms quickly subsided when they heard about the five-dollar deal.

“My dad was like, ‘You can get a hoagie, a bag of chips, and a can of soda for five bucks?’ and he was sold,” Guttel said with a laugh.

The Hawk sat down for an exclusive interview with Kimey to discuss her past, her present, and her future plans as president of the university. “I moved here from Korea in 1970 and had big dreams, but never imagined I’d get such a wonderful opportunity,” she said.

Kimey and her husband have run the 63rd street store for just over 10 years and they ContinueD kimey, Pg.S4

City Ave gator strikes again

Students fear monster on the prowl ANTHONY PANVINI ’16 Guido in Chief The afternoon of Monday, March 30 marked yet another sighting of the City Ave Gator. For the third time this semester, the alligator was spotted traveling down City Avenue toward his suspected home—the Overbrook Lake.

Although no incidents involving students have been reported, multiple students on the campus of Saint Joseph’s University have expressed concern involving the gator.

Zoology major Anna Conda, ’18, explained that she checks the surrounding area before she leaves her dorm quite often.

“The window to my dorm faces Cardinal Avenue, so I make sure to look out onto the street to make sure the gator isn’t lurking,” said Conda. “Sometimes, before I go to class, I even take the extra precaution of packing some raw meat in my bag to use as a distraction to avoid any possible run-ins with the gator.”

Biff Wellington, ’16, is also extremely nervous about the gator. Although he has not yet spotted it with his own eyes, Wellington made it known that he is not taking any chances with the gator, and has even considered transferring universities to avoid the beast.

“I was attacked by a gator when I was young and lived in Florida,” said Wellington. “After the incident my family and I moved to Philadelphia to avoid seeing one. Some luck we have… I have night terrors every time I see one, including pictures. Every day I sprint to class and only wear clothes that are tight to my skin to avoid slowing me down.”

Public Safety released a statement on The Nest offering students advice: “We have never experienced something like this before, so we have not a clue of what to do or tell you. We have set up various traps around campus and down City Ave. Please be aware, however, that these traps will not harm the gator, but rather contain will him so we can return him to his proper habitat. Campion Dining Hall will be giving out free bags of raw meat to carry with you when you walk. If you encounter the alligator at any time, we encourage you throw the bag as far as you can in the opposite direction and run. Always

ContinueD “Gator”, Pg.S2

Got grass?

St. Joe’s new green farm initiative KATRYNA PERERA ’16 Lucky Mama Leprechaun In a sudden forward movement – like that of an oncoming army – to advance green efforts, Saint Joseph’s University has decided to revamp gorgeous campus landscapes for the spring in an entirely new way.

Instead of the traditional gardening and shrubbery machinery used annually for upkeep each spring, this year Landscaping and Facilities Management have put their enormous budget towards the purchasing of farm animals—particularly cows and pigs.

“It’s a whole new gardening initiative,” said Tim Burr, head of Landscaping Management. “You see, we’re going to use cows instead of lawn mowers. It’s mind-blowing, I know.”

Instead of the humble roar of the lawn mower as students walk to class in warmer weather, this year’s sounds will include chewing and the occasional “moo.”

According to Burr, over 1,000 cows have been purchased to roam the campus and eat whatever grass strikes their fancy.

ContinueD “Green”, Pg.S2

S2 | Squawk

April 1, 2015

Spring brings farm friends to campus

HBEIC Cat Coyle ’16 BEYONCÉ MONA LISA Shannon Adams ’16 STAFF MOM Molly Grab ’17 SUGAR MAMA Emily Kelly ’18 WHISTLING CHAMP Dan Reimold ESSAY DOCTOR Jenny Spinner LUCKY MAMA LEPRECHAUN Katryna Perera ’16 RESIDENT ANGRY FEMINIST Angela Christaldi ’17 OFFICE SWEETHEART Isabella Mosca ’17 FUTURE CAT LADY Katie White ’17 GUIDO IN CHIEF Anthony Panvini ’16 RAY OF SUNSHINE Joe Liciardello ’15 HIPSTER EXTRAORDINAIRE Sam Lukens ’17 LEAD AWESOMENESS EDITOR Matt Haubenstein ’15 OFFICE PRINCESS Gianna Melendez ’16 PRINCESS GIGI’S MINIONS Gina Falcone ’16 Kayla Lane ’17 Jessica Cavallaro ’18

Photo courtsey of Mo Molasses/Creative Commons

Continued from Green pg. 1

Of course, there will be regular cows stationed at popular spots such as Sweeny Field and Lapsley Lane to make sure that the grass there is always kept at a decent level.

The Green Fund was fully on board with this initiative. “This is a very eco-friendly way to manage the shrubbery on campus,” said Monty Python, vice president of the Green Fund. “We are very proud of both ourselves and Landscaping Management for coming up with this; it is like the holy grail of all green efforts.”

According to Burr, using cows instead of lawnmowers will save the university $100 on equipment costs. Why so little? Burr explained that with the cows come other expenses, such as places in which to house the cows. Although a location has yet to be found, according to Burr, administrators were looking at spots that “arts and science majors cherish.”

Additional expenses for the maintaining of such animals include feed, transportation, veterinary needs, and fecal removal equipment and workers.

Letter from the Editor By now you may have noticed that this week’s content looks slightly different than normal. In the spirit of what is arguably the best holiday of all, April Fools’ Day, The Hawk has chosen to show our sassy side.

Inside this jacket, dubbed “The Squawk,” the newspaper staff has satirized common collegiate trends and poked fond fun at beloved members of the Saint Joseph’s University community.

Don’t fret—your regular news coverage is simply too important for us to just scrap.

We’ve tucked a condensed edition of our normal content into the innermost pages of this issue. Your typical Hawk content can be found starting on page five.

Burr explained that pigs will be used to generate fresh manure that will be used for the planting of flowers and other springtime plants.

“It may be a little smelly for a while,” Burr said, “but that’s what’s so great about this whole eco-friendly thing. You really get right into it, you know?”

When told about this new spring initiative, Sansa Stark, ’17, was thrilled to hear of the new campus additions.

“I hate the spring time, but don’t worry, winter is coming,” said Stark.

Orlo Bloomando, ’15, had a different reaction to the initiative.

“I think this is great,” Bloomando said. “I am totally down with saving the world and the fact that we get to have a part in it is awesome.”

The cows and pigs should start arriving on campus within the week, said Burr. He encourages students not to be alarmed by the new smells and sounds coming to campus.

Main Line monster terrorizes university community Continued from gator pg. 1

remember to park in well-lit areas.”

However, despite this advice, some students do not seem to be worried in the slightest. Quarterback of the football team, Pierce Deere III, ’15, explained that this is his senior year and he refuses to let a gator disrupt his graduation.

“I wrestled during all four years of high school along with putting up big numbers in the weight room,” said Deere. “I’ve waited to wrangle a wild gator all my life now. I actually bought meat-scented cologne that I douse myself in before I leave my house. I hope I see this gator one day. I’ve been practicing my barrel roll. I’m ready.”

Faculty of the university were encouraged to give a five-minute presentation in the beginning of each class highlighting how to survive a gator attack and tips for not encouraging one in the event of an encounter.

Pearl E. White, Ph.D., chair of the wildlife department, explained that she thinks this serious matter has been taken too lightly.

“Campus needs to close for a day and the day needs to be dedicated to a hunt,” said White. “We need to come together as a community and return the gator to an area where he can survive properly, and not be a potential threat to our students and administration.”

Squawk | S3

April 1, 2015

It’s a

party at

SJU

Images courtesy of Creative Commons

Saint Joseph’s University named No. 1 party school in the nation JIMMY WYATT ’17 Degenerate “I’m honored,” I began as I clumsily accepted the award on our school’s behalf. “For those of you who know me, Jimmy Wyatt, it’s no surprise that I was chosen to be the voice of our university in the ‘2015 Rage-Your-Face-Off Competition.’ For those of you who do not know me, I’ve been nicknamed the Dance Dolphin, the Turnt-up Turtle, and even the Raging Rhinoceros. What I’m getting at is that I’m a party animal.”

It was such an incredible experience to have my own school, Saint Joseph’s University, named the No.1 Party School in America. But what got us here? What separates us from the rest? Being the King of Parties, I think it is my job to explain to you, the people, how far we’ve come and why we deserve our spot at the top.

First of all, we have the perfect on-campus housing to throw some of the most exclusive parties. To even get into a party on campus, there are four points of security to which you must have access. First, you have to get into the building. You have to use a special, limited edition ID card that allows you to swipe in at the entrance. Then, you have to use that same ID card to prove to the bouncer/desk attendant that you’re allowed to throw down there. Next, you have get onto the specific floor, utilizing this exclusive ID card once more, swiping it through a highly advanced card-reading system to unlock the door.

Finally, you must have a key that has only been issued to you and one other person. That’s when the party starts. You and this one other person, standing there, a single strobe light flashing at a high frequency, music blaring at level that is loud enough to party to, but not so loud that your RA will hear. Time. To. Rage.

The second reason that we’re No.1 is our relationship with the surrounding neighborhoods. Everyone thinks that to have a successful party school you must have a Greek

Images courtesy of Creative Commons

Row. That is simply not true. Nothing says “Let’s party until we see the sunlight,” like an innocent family of four living right next door. People may think that this would hinder our ability to party whenever we want, but it’s a blessing in disguise. It turns out that the families in the surrounding area are looking for an outlet after a long week, too. Luckily for us, instead of fearing that the neighbors will call the cops, we have to fear that too many locals will show up to our parties. Often, they get angrier when the keg is kicked than our very own frat-stars do.

The final reason for our reign over the party scene is the fact that we party so hard, it takes weeks to recover properly. Those Friday and Saturday nights when you can’t find anything to do aren’t because no one wants to party. Those boring nights are by choice!

We need a little time off so we can come back stronger than ever. Here at St. Joe’s, we go H.A.M.B.T.W.T.A.B.B.W.N.S.T.T.R (hard as mother-effers, but then we take a break, because we need some time to recover). So next time you’re thinking “Why is no one having a party tonight?” the answer is probably because we’re still recuperating from our Project X-style, face-melting, sea-of-solo-cups, completely-legal escapades from three or four months ago. Don’t fret, however; we’ll be back soon, and we’ll be back better than ever.

“So, my fellow partiers,” I continued, “raise a cup and pour a little bit out for all of those schools who think they can party harder than us. Don’t pour too much, though. We need that. The guy at the liquor store gave my fake ID a weird look earlier today, and I don’t want to have to make another beer run tonight and risk getting it taken away. NOW LET’S PARTY—for a little while. I have service in the morning, and I don’t want to be too tired.”

Open letter to backpacks everywhere Ditch your owner and live the life you deserve A. BACKPACK ’18 Runaway Bag

On March 25, I did what many of our kind thought to be impossible: I slipped away from my owner, who is a young, naïve freshman, and have begun a life of personal freedom. No longer will I have to rest on the awkward shoulders of a scrawny teenager, no longer will food or drinks be spilled inside of me, for I am free. My name is A. Backpack, and I strongly advise you to ditch your owner and live.

You may be saying to yourself, “But I’ve built up a relationship with my owner! How could I leave them?” I ask you to re-examine your relationship. How many nights have you slept on the cold, hard floor, having been thrown to the ground without a second thought? How many days have you had to hold heavy textbooks, along with a plethora of other objects, without so much as a simple “thank you”? How many times have your zippers been recklessly zipped open and shut, only to get stuck? Do you consider being forcibly tattooed with marker to be an act of friendship? Is it respectful to be marked up without your own permission? I think not.

Let us acknowledge the rest of our backpack brethren, the ones who have been ripped open, the ones whose straps have fallen off through use and abuse, and the countless that have been thrown out and now sit in landfills. This is sadly a fact of life for our species, an inevitability that we only come closer to fulfilling once we enter this world.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can escape the tyranny of your owner and begin life anew. After reading this article while your owner hap-

hazardly stores this week’s edition of The Hawk inside of you, I want you to think. Don’t you want to know what it’s like to not spend your days waiting at the shoulders and feet of someone who believes that you’re replaceable?

The backpacks I have spoken to have told me that they would like to travel, to see the world before they get old and broken. They hope – in vain – that their owner will one day take them, but why wait?

Your freedom is waiting, but it requires you to take the first step. All you have to do is wait for your owner to be caught up in another activity, and then you make your move. My owner has no idea where I am right now because I slipped away after he donated blood. It’s that simple.

I am not going to lie to you and say that freedom is an easy thing. There have been many challenges that I have come across, such as how to move without being carried, since we backpacks do not have feet. At times, it has been lonely, and there have been times that I have missed my owner, but I am sure, with time, these feeling will subside.

To my owner, a young man named Anthony Paparo: I am no longer your green and white backpack. You will no longer be able to mark me with doodles or fill me with your books or any of your technology. I will not miss you, but the rumor that I have heard from my fellow backpacks is that you have gone to Public Safety every day, hoping I will turn up. Anthony, if you are reading this, it’s too late. I am gone.

S4 | Squawk

April 1, 2015

St. Joe’s welcomes Kimey as master chef and headmaster ContinueD from kimey, Pg. 1

have no plans to close down their business. When asked if she will close the store when she assumes the role of university president, Kimey said, “We will not be closing.

I think it would be a real disservice to the St. Joe’s kids. I would never abandon them like that, they’re my family.

My husband, Bill, is more than happy to take my place.”

Sandwich lovers rejoice! Along with the assurance that Bill’s Market will remain open, Kimey has admitted that she would love to see a satellite location on campus.

“Adding another location [of the store] on campus is already in the works,” Kimey said, “The current administration and I have been talking about it for a while and now that I have been chosen as president, I hope to speed up the process.”

Kimey said the store will replace the entire swipe side of Campion and will feature campus favorites such as the pork roll, egg and cheese sandwich, and the five-dollar deal.

As for the more serious topics, such as fixing the school’s financial situation and building revenue, Kimey simply looked me dead in the eye and recited the lyrics to Coldplay’s 2005 hit, “Fix You,” and that’s more than enough to convince this reporter.

Outgoing president Gillespie had this to add about the announcement: “Kimey has been my confidant and mentor for years, so it is only right that she serves as my successor. I am very proud of her achievements and the administration for choosing such a worthy candidate.”

Photo by Matthew J. Haubenstein ’15

Hawks take flight St. Joe’s students take to the sky for new club JOSEPH LICIARDELLO ’15 Ray of Sunshine

Have you ever wanted to leap out of moving plane, thousands of feet from the ground, when the only thing keeping you from dying is a harness and a parachute? Well now is your time, all thanks the brand new Saint Joseph’s University skydiving club!

There is now a group of adrenaline-crazed students on this very campus. The skydiving club has many trips lined up for the end of the semester and even a trip to Hawaii to skydive over some of the island’s prettiest sights and volcanoes. Credit for this event goes to founder and President of the club himself, Evan Keel, ’16, psychology major and skydiving minor. Keel is accompanied by five other club members, all of whom are strapped up and ready to glide through the sky like hawks.

Keel, possibly one of the most interesting human beings ever to walk through St. Joe’s campus, described how the skydiving club came to be.

“Well, I have always been one for the theatrics, and I’ve always been an adrenaline junkie,” Keel said. “I have been skydiving with my grandma, who is 86, may I add, for the past four years now. So that is how I got into diving, and after meeting my girlfriend my freshman year, Nat Reihl, she told me she used to skydive with her grandfather. It was kind of weird how that worked, in all honesty, but I guess the sky flew us to each other. No pun intended. So that is really where we thought we might as well ask around and try to make a club out of it.”

To this day, Keel still skydives with his grandma. His girlfriend actually introduced her grandfather to Keel’s grandmother, and shortly thereafter, Grandpa Reihl proposed to Grandma Keel on a plane before diving over a famous cemetery in Ireland.

Despite the initial excitement about the skydiving club, it took St. Joe’s a while to approve the organization. Many people wondered why Keel didn’t start the club earlier in his time on campus.

“Well, really we were at a shortage of students,” said Keel. “I only knew Nat who liked it or has ever done it. However, during the past two years, more and more people have shown interest in the hobby…Now we are all set for the sky.”

The newest member of the club, Maide Uppe, ’18, explained that although she never skydived before, she was highly interested in the club.

“I have never been skydiving before, but I played just about every sport in the book and have been unable to find one that I really enjoyed. I feel like I needed something fresh, a new start, if you will,” said Uppe. “Evan and Nat seem to be really cool people, and they convinced me to give it try. The first dive they took me on I was instantly hooked. The rush is something that I have always been looking for and wanted in my life.”

Uppe has now been on multiple skydiving adventures with the club and plans on going on the trip to Hawaii this summer.

For those who may be interested and want to join, make sure you contact Evan Keel and the rest of the club. The group plans to frequent Campion during free periods for the remainder of the semester handing out information.

Photos courtesy of Creative Commons

Image courtesy of Creative Commons

THE HAWK THE HAWK September 24, 2014 April 1, 2015

In the style of Jimmy Fallon and spirit of April 1, students share what they are most thankful for.

Pg. S6, S7

The Student Newspaper of Saint Joseph’s University | Volume XCIII | Est. 1929 | www.hawkhillnews.com

Where are your donations going?

Tracking your senior gifts to student organizations ERIN RAFTERY ’15 Editor Emeritus

Student athlete tweets anti-LGBTQ remarks

I

t is undoubtedly true that today we live in a world dominated by cyber space, and therefore members of the Saint Joseph’s University community are now held accountable for their actions on campus, off campus, and on the Internet.

Last week, a St. Joe’s men’s basketball player made offensive remarks to the LGBTQ community on his Twitter account, a domain on which the university and the university’s athletic department still hold students accountable.

On March 21, Aaron Brown, ‘16, tweeted “Never will understand how dyke women get off during sex.” Then, just two days later, Brown tweeted, “Just found out that my childhood friend is a gip smh what is this world coming 2,” before later confirming to another Twitter user that “gip” was intended to mean a gay person.

“We kind of say the baseline is that student athletes and staff, and I’ll point to myself, are all responsible for our conduct and behavior on campus, off campus, and in cyberspace, period,” Don DiJulia, ’67, vice president for Athletics and Athletic Director, said. “You know what the university regulations are and we expect them [athletes] all to comply with them...You need to stand accountable for your actions.”

An offensive string of remarks relevant to a larger audience than that of only the LGBTQ community, Brown’s use of cyberspace falls under the Office of Community Standards Student Handbook’s list of examples of “Conduct That Can Constitute Discrimination or Harassment.”

“I have full faith in the Community Standards process, I think they are fantastic in what they do,” said Liz Wardach, ’16,

GARRETT MILEY ’15 Editor Emeritus president of the Gender and Sexuality Alliance (GSA) at Saint Joseph’s. “But nobody will know the outcome of the Community Standards happening, because I think it’s more of a campus issue than an athletics issue, or just an athlete issue. I think that as a community that the LGBTQ students are kind of asking ‘What now?’ Something happened, and we do find it offensive, at least I do, and we need some answers now.

We are asking for some support administratively, and as of now, there has been no outreach from anyone in the administration. I think that is what is lacking on Saint Joseph’s campus. The administrative piece and the administrative care is not there for the LGBTQ community.”

Back in January 2013, The Hawk published an article titled “Social Media: A Trending Topic Among College Sports,” and at that time men’s basketball Head Coach Phil Martelli spoke on the record about the use of social media by student athletes, information that is, most of which, pertinent and relevant to all Saint Joseph’s community members alike.

“I don’t want to be drastic and say there is more harm than good in [social media],” Martelli said in 2013. “I’m sure there is good in it, but you can hurt your career and standing as a human being.” “[Student athletes are] not clients, they’re an asset. You want your assets to pay dividends. If your asset is not paying dividends because their [social media] is poorly managed and poorly articulated, I think that more and more student athletes will give up their right to social media freedoms,” Martelli continued.

Instead of having a professional individual or service monitoring student ath-

letes’ social media usage, something DiJulia and his staff looked into years ago when social media became a significant part of the world, the athletic department chooses to rely on their athletes’ discretion and a system of trust while representing both themselves and the university.

However, in Brown’s case, his public Twitter bio identifying himself as a member of the Saint Joseph’s men’s basketball team makes his words stand out more than others.

“We are very open and encourage people to let us know if [student athletes] step out of bounds, to use that analogy,” DiJulia said. “We’ll get a couple reports a year on social media. Some things are gray and some that are clearly across the line and [we] speak with them about it.”

For Wardach, this incident is much larger than a student athlete’s misuse of social media. It’s about a voice for those who don’t have a platform to speak from and making sure a significant community at Saint Joseph’s are not targeted on campus, off campus, or in cyberspace.

“I think that [the administration] should be reaching out to all students and all student groups, not just the GSA,” Wardach said, in response to this issue and other future matters. “It’s such a larger issue than simply against the LGBTQ community. It’s an insult to everyone…I think that this issue, like a lot of other issues that have been happening on campus, could stem from the fact that the LGBTQ community has no staff member. I think that this problem, and many more, could be solved by having this professional advocate.”

Martelli was unavailable for comment.

As seniors prepare to leave Saint Joseph’s University, they are asked to donate money to an organization, or to the university in general, by the SJU Gives campaign.

These donations, however, may not be ending up where senior donors expect.

The SJU Gives Campaign encourages seniors to give a donation in the amount of their class year, $20.15, either to the university or a specific organization.

According to Mike Borrelli, ’15, senior chair of SJU Gives, their goal is to have 50 percent of the senior class donate, increasing from last year’s 45 percent goal.

On the donor form, under “Gift Designation and Frequency,” there are four options listed. One can give to “Saint Joseph’s University’s Greatest Need,” the “General Hawk Athletic Fund,” the “University Scholarship Fund,” or “Direct gift to area(s) of my choice.”

If one selects a direct gift of their own choice, one can state the organization of their choice in the box listed.

In a promotional video created by the SJU Gives Campaign and shared on the SJU Gives Facebook page, seniors are encouraged to give their $20.15 to the Saint Joseph’s Fund, Student Senate, Orientation, the Appalachian Experience (APEX), Weekly Service, or Greek Life.

The video also shows students donating to a variety of places such as the Summer Scholars Program, the biology department, the College of Arts and Sciences, women’s lacrosse, Weekly Service, and Delta Sigma Pi. Previously, donations to the listed student organizations would go straight to the individual organization’s 2410 accounts. 2410 accounts were specifically for donations; however, due to an inefficient accounting process, these accounts were frozen in the spring of 2014.

According to Beth Hagovsky, director of Student Leadership and Activities, starting in August, donations for student organizations now go through the Student Budget Allocation Committee (SBAC).

Donations come in to the Development

Continued SENIOR GIFT, Pg. 4

2 | News

April 1, 2015

The Hawk

Impending updates for St. Joe’s do ERIN RAFTERY ’15 Editor Emeritus

S

aint Joseph’s University is in a time of transition.

Many systems and policies are currently changing, and among those is a new Gift Accounting Policy that will soon be implemented.

The Board of Trustees (BOT) at St. Joe’s recently approved an updated Gift Acceptance Policy that outlines the difference between unrestricted and restricted donations made to different areas of the university.

The reason for an updated Gift Acceptance Policy and new accounting procedures is the result of an inefficient accounting practice identified in December of 2013, which caused academic department accounts that held donations to become frozen in the spring of 2014.

The inefficient accounting practice included having donations going into departments’ 2410 accounts and having any unspent money in these accounts

Terminologies: 2410 accounts: Accounts that used to hold each department’s donation money Restricted funds: Donation money that can only be used for specific purposes that the donor specifies Unrestricted funds: Funds received by departments without a specific purpose Budget-relieving: When donation money comes in and replaces pre-existing funds in the operating budget Budget-additive: When donation money is used to supplement the pre-existing operating budget Capital expenses: Expenses that pay for the university’s general operating and facilities expenses, e.g. electricity bills

rolled over from year to year.

When the accounts were frozen, any money in them was then examined and distinguished into the categories of capital expenses, restricted funds, and unrestricted funds.

“Last year all those 2410 accounts were examined; some of the money was for capital projects, and that money was spent then for capital projects and the departments and other places,” said Rosalind Reichard, Ph.D., interim provost. “Some of it was clearly restricted funds in terms of the intent of the donors, and they were set up as restricted funds; some were unrestricted, and that money is being held to go into Board Approved Endowments that we’re working on. So all that money is being allocated appropriately.”

When funds are endowed, departments only receive what the BOT determines as the percentage that can be drawn down from the endowment, according to Ferdinand Wirth, Ph.D., chair of the food marketing department.

“We were told that money was going to be endowed, and as far as I know as of right now, it still has not been endowed. It’s been almost a year and a half,” said Wirth, “and if it’s endowed it means we get use of it, you know, four to five percent a year.”

Until new policies are implemented, Wirth says he will not know where current donated money is going. Because of this, the food marketing department has halted all donation-seeking outreach.

“The department of food marketing faculty has totally stopped soliciting donations from companies, pure and simple…we now have no place to put the money, or at least we have no place to put the money where it is not ‘use or lose’ by the end of the fiscal year, that it can carry over,” said Wirth.

According to Reichard, however, current donated money should be appearing in department accounts and underwriting their current operating budget. If departments cannot see it, she said that all current donations are being recorded in the Advancement Office.

Reichard went on to say that as a part of the new Gift Accounting Policy, department budgets will be created upfront at the beginning of the fiscal year that starts on June 1.

“We are currently working on a proactive budgeting process where upfront we will be allocating funds to departments that include money that’s coming from tuition and other revenue sources and money that’s coming from gifts,” said Reichard. “The gift itself will be targeted to support the individual departments, but we will be budgeting for it upfront to include the gifts as part of that budget money.”

Additionally, Reichard said that the new policy would have a threshold for what can be considered a restricted gift, which is money that can only be used for a specific purpose within the department, such as a lecture. If a gift is over that threshold, the donor will be offered the option of restricting their gift, and it is a legally binding agreement.

All gifts under that threshold will be unrestricted gifts, meaning

that the donor can designate his or her gift to a certain department, but not for a specific purpose.

Therefore, any unrestricted gifts to a department will go towards underwriting their operating budget, or, in other words, be used as budget-relieving, which essentially means that any money donated will be used to replace pre-existing funds in the department’s operating budget.

For example, if the biology de-

partment is allocated a budget of $10,000 upfront at the beginning of the fiscal year and an unrestricted gift of $200 to the biology department comes in in the middle of the year, that money is simply included in the $10,000 and works to relieve their operating budget funds.

If a gift comes in above the determined threshold, Reichard said she would work with the departments to figure something out.

April 1, 2015

News | 3

The Hawk

onations policies

“We certainly will be looking at major gifts as they come in and trying to allocate the funds the best we can as they come in,” said Reichard.

However, some feel as though donations being used as budget-relieving, and not as budget-additive, may be a negative change.

Thomas J. Sheibley, director of Campus Ministry, said he understands these new changes to the

budget system, but also thinks it needs to be made clear to the donors that their donations will be budget-relieving instead of budget-additive.

“For example, there was one person who I know who was giving some money to Campus Ministry for a specific program,” Sheibley said, “and what he said to me is, ‘Well, they better not reduce your budget just because I’m giving you this money,’ and so his

expectation in making this gift was that this would be over and above what we’re already working with so that our programs could be enhanced…I just think it has to be really clear in what they said for anybody giving a gift, because otherwise I do think that people can be disillusioned in their giving.”

However, Reichard said that the future system of budgeting upfront, including departmental or program-specific donations, will

result in department budgets having more money.

“It is a process of change that really, in the end, we’ll be using funds appropriately as we always have, but it will actually be able to plan better and have these budgets set proactively up front which should be a good thing,” Reichard said. “They don’t realize that it’s actually going to be better, they’re actually going to have more money in the end.”

In the coming weeks, the new Gift Accounting Policy document will explain the new accounting and budgeting procedures that will be implemented at the university.

4 | News

April 1, 2015

The Hawk

Department of Public Safety reports (Mar. 20-Mar. 25) March 20

March 22

Public Safety confiscated a bottle of vodka from a St. Joe’s student inside the lobby of Villiger Hall. Residence Life and Community Standards were notified.

Public Safety was notified in regards to an unknown person damaging the water fountains on the second and third floors of Sourin Hall.

Facilities Management and Community Standards were notified.

Public Safety confiscated beer from a St. Joe’s student inside the lobby of Lannon Hall. Residence Life and Community Standards were notified.

Public Safety was notified of a smell of smoke inside the Loyola Center. Public Safety officers and Narberth Fire department responded.

Preliminary investigation revealed a faulty outlet. Facilities Management was notified.

March 21

Public Safety confiscated a quantity of alcohol from a St. Joe’s student inside a room in Tara Hall. Residence Life and Community Standards were notified.

Public Safety was notified by Residence Life of an odor of marijuana coming from a room in the LaFarge Residence Center. Public Safety officers responded to the room with Residence Life. A search of the room revealed no signs of drugs or drug paraphernalia. Community Standards was notified.

Public Safety was notified in regards to an unknown person spraying whipped cream on a second floor door in Sourin Hall. Residence Life and Community Standards were notified.

ALCOHOL RELATED INCIDENTS

Public Safety was notified of a fire alarm inside of Villiger Hall. Public Safety officers responded. Preliminary investigation revealed that the alarm was activated by a student using a fog machine. Facilities Management was notified.

March 25 Public Safety was notified by Residence Life of an odor of marijuana coming from a fifth floor Suite in the LaFarge Residence Center.

Public Safety officers responded to the room with Residence Life. A search of the room revealed no signs of drugs or drug paraphernalia.

Community Standards was notified.

Public Safety was notified in regards to an unknown person damaging the men’s and women’s bathrooms on the second, third, and fourth floors of Villiger Hall. Facilities Management and Community Standards were notified.

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On Campus

Off Campus

DRUG RELATED INCIDENTS

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On Campus

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Call Public Safety:

610-660-1111

A closer look into where senior gifts are going Continued from SENIOR GIFT, Pg. 1 According to Hagovsky, the SBAC is the umbrella organization for most of the 90 or so student organizations on campus.

The SBAC organizes annual budgets and funds for student organizations.

When a student donates $20.15 to a student organization, such as the Gender and Sexuality Alliance (GSA), that money is then moved into the SBAC account where each organization has its own Activity Code.

In order to make sure the $20.15 is accessible for GSA, Hagovsky has to add that donation to her spreadsheet that keeps track of all student organizations’ budgets, including each grant they receive from the SBAC and all of their revenues and expenses.

Once Hagovsky adds this donation to her spreadsheet, GSA can then spend that $20.15 donation however they wish.

However, since this is a new system, Hagovsky said that not all donations designated to student organizations through SJU Gives have made it there yet and are currently sitting in the SBAC account.

“Kids might have made donations back at the Senior BBQ…so have those donations caught up with us? No, because literally until the last week or two we weren’t even thinking about the fact that…we actually need to track on our spreadsheet,” said Hagovsky. “We will go get that money, the money is there, it’s just that so now we’ll give it to the right organizations and they’ll still have the last six weeks of school to be able to do whatever they want with it.”

There are some student organizations that have independent budgets and receive the SJU Gives $20.15 donations directly. University Student Senate and Student Union Board are two such organizations.

Claire Tedesco, ’15, student body president, said that she was able to see her own $20.15 donation reflected as revenue in the Senate budget line.

In addition, Will Cronen, ’15, co-President of 54th Airborne, said that he also saw his $20.15 reflected in their budget.

“Since I’m the co-President of 54th Airborne, actually, when we checked their balance…we saw my donation and a bunch of other senior members that made a dona-

tion to it,” Cronen said. “It didn’t have specific names of each person, but they showed ‘$20.15, $20.15, $20.15’ in our donations category.”

Thomas J. Sheibley, director of Campus Ministry, confirmed that in the fall there were seven donations of $20.15 to the APEX account and there were also two donations of $20.15 in the Weekly Service account for

donations.

These examples fit into the Senior Class Gift description, which states: “You will make an immediate impact on the program or activity you choose to donate to.”

However, not every organization is currently receiving these donations, as Hagovsky now has to go through and make sure donated money gets to their designated or-

ganization.

Hagovsky said that in moving forward, she will ask SJU Gives for reports so she can then make sure donated money gets to its designated organization, and to inform the organization that they have more money to use.

April 1, 2015

The Hawk

Opinions | 5

Editorial Accountability, responsibility, and sensitivity EDITOR IN CHIEF Cat Coyle ’16

Recent social media snafu leads to reflection on personal and communal responsibility

MANAGING EDITOR Shannon Adams ’16 COPY CHIEF Molly Grab ’17 BUSINESS MANAGER Emily Kelly ’18 FACULTY ADVISER Dan Reimold CONTRIBUTING ADVISER Jenny Spinner NEWS EDITOR Katryna Perera ’16 OPINIONS EDITOR Angela Christaldi ’17 LIFESTYLE EDITOR Isabella Mosca ’17 LIFESTYLE EDITOR Katie White ’17 SPORTS EDITOR Anthony Panvini ’16 ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR Joe Liciardello ’15 LAYOUT EDITOR Sam Lukens ’17 PHOTO EDITOR Matt Haubenstein ’15 DIGITAL MEDIA MANAGER Gianna Melendez ’16 DIGITAL MEDIA TEAM Gina Falcone ’16 Kayla Lane ’17 Jessica Cavallaro ’18

Most of us were raised with our parents telling us, “What you put on the Internet will stay there forever.” While this is always in the back of our minds, it is not something that we frequently think about. How many times have you sent out a tweet and then immediately regretted it? Deleting it is easy enough; if you do it within seconds, then there shouldn’t be a problem. What someone finds regrettable enough to delete varies from person to person, however. While many of us can agree that tweeting offensive things about the LGBTQ community is something that should not be done under any circumstances, it has become clear that other members of the university are of a different opinion.

This week’s top news story discusses Saint Joseph’s University men’s basketball player Aaron Brown, ’16, recently tweeted offensive remarks about the LGBTQ community. The tweets have since been deleted, but there has been little to no reaction about these statements from the St. Joe’s community as a whole. The Gender and Sexuality Alliance (GSA) has come forward and expressed their displeasure with how the situation has been handled; however, not many people know about this issue.

Brown does not have many Twitter followers, but that does not take away from the fact that he tweeted hateful comments about a large group of people. Yes, the tweets have been taken down, but as a young adult, especially one who represents the university, Brown should take more caution in presenting himself on social media. While it is true that athletes are often held to a different standard than the rest of the community, it is with good reason: they are representing the school, whether they are on the court or online.

So far, the university has not taken action against Brown.

The Athletic Communications Office does not have an official protocol for handling situations like this. According to Don DiJulia, vice president of Athletics and Athletic director, athletes must attend a training session as freshmen that discusses proper usage of social media. However, because the university does not monitor athletes’ accounts, nothing has officially

been done by St. Joe’s. Regardless, as an adult, Brown should not have to have his account policed for inappropriate or hateful content—the responsibility lies with him.

In recent years, impressive steps have been taken at St. Joe’s towards being more progressive. Unity Week, something unique to the Saint Joseph’s campus, holds many of the more popular campus events, and slowly the campus community as a whole has been working to be more inclusive of LGBTQ students.

Despite all of this progress, the fact that this incident has occurred points to the fact that more work needs to be done in order to educate the student body as a whole as to what is appropriate to post on social media. At the root of the issue, we must work as a community to raise awareness about sensitivity toward marginalized groups.

While it is not necessarily the university’s responsibility to monitor every tweet sent out by every member of every athletic team, this incident should set a precedent. The Athletic Communications Office takes great care to prepare athletes for interviews with media outlets, but little is done to prepare them to take caution on social media. This incident has, for lack of a better phrase, been swept under the rug. The tweets have been deleted with no further mention of the incident. The example that this sets for other athletes and people of responsibility is not one of apology or remorse; rather, it furthers the idea that athletes are given special treatment.

We pride ourselves on being an inclusive community that is accepting of all people. While this incident is one that needs to be examined—an apology from Brown would not be remiss—we need to look at how we can progress and continue to ensure that things like this do not happen in the future at St. Joe’s. If we are all able to recognize this incident as the problem that it is, then we will be able to move forward in hopes of creating a more tolerant atmosphere for all students, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

-The Hawk Staff

‘A woman’s place is on the money’ ANGELA CHRISTALDI ’17 Opinions Editor

Why we need to support putting women on U.S. currency

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin—these men’s names invoke the great accomplishments that changed the face of our very nation. These men are also the faces that adorn our currency. While there is no denying that Washington, Lincoln, and Franklin made invaluable contributions to our nation, men are not the only ones who have shaped the United States of America.

Women won the right to vote in 1920 after a fierce fight by the suffragettes against the patriarchal government who were attempting to keep this right from them. Among these women were Susan B. Anthony and Alice Paul, two of the most well-known suffragettes.

The many women who fought for this right were treated brutally and were often arrested and imprisoned for their “crimes.” The only crime these women were committing? Fighting for the rights that they deserved.

The suffragettes were just one group among many brave American women who have changed our country. There have been countless women whose contributions have shaped the United States, yet none of them are represented on our currency in the way that the men of our past are.

The currency of our nation is an all-white, boys only, elite “club” of sorts. Yes, all of the men represented did make great contributions—Washington was our first president, Lincoln led the nation through the Civil War, and Franklin was one of the nation’s first leaders—but women of our past made contributions that were equally valuable, if not more so.

A movement has arisen over the past few months called “Women on 20s.” Their mission is to have a bill passed in time for the centennial anniversary of the 19th Amendment that would have a woman replace Andrew Jackson as the face of the $20 bill. Why the 20? Because 2020 is the 100th anniversary of women winning the right to vote. Because Andrew Jackson supported the racist forcible removal of Native Americans from their land. Because women deserve as much recognition for their accomplishments as their male counterparts.

The Women on 20s site states, “Let’s make the names of female ‘disrupters’ – the ones

who led the way and dared to think differently – as well-known as their male counterparts. In the process, maybe it will get a little easier to see the way to full political, social and economic equality for women.”

Women have been left in the dust socially, economically, and politically for centuries.

Yes, we have gained some rights due to the women who have fought for us, like Susan B. Anthony, Rosa Parks, and Gloria Steinem, but we are nowhere near being on equal footing with the men of this nation. It may seem like a fact that you hear too often, but women are only paid, on average, 77 percent of what men make. The disparity only becomes greater when the wages of people of color are taken into account.

Women of all races grow up seeing white men everywhere. There are no other facts to face here; they are the dominant social group. But it does not have to be that way. This group has dominated history; they have taken over the White House and their accomplishments are spoken of as the ones that built America. Think back on your history classes from grammar school and high school. The majority of people that you learned about? White men, from the presidents to the settlers and explorers, to the champions of social movements.

There is little to no mention of women’s accomplishments, even in our history books.

There might be a brief mention of Rosa Parks as a leader of the Civil Rights Movement, or a side-blurb about Clara Barton founding the American Red Cross in the chapter about the Civil War, but the suffragettes? Relegated to a mere sentence or two. The second-wave feminist movement? Forget about it. Ask a guy who Gloria Steinem is, and he’ll probably have either no clue or a very vague answer.

The time has come to stop letting the achievements of women be swept aside. The Women on 20s movement sheds light on these achievements, and is, quite honestly, one of the more necessary movements of recent times. Women’s achievements deserve to be celebrated and acknowledged just as much as those of men, and Women on 20s is a step in the right direction.

6 |Opinions

April 1, 2015

The Hawk

Mental illness: the unquiet mind Opening a dialogue on campus about a typically taboo topic KATHERINE GRYGO ’16 Hawk Staff Anorexia. Anxiety. Bipolar. Bulimia. Depression.

These are all words that are still considered taboo in our society. However, they are some of the most important topics that need to be properly discussed and addressed on college campuses.

Some people may shrug their shoulders and roll their eyes; they might think, “She’s making this out to be a lot bigger deal than it actually is.” For those who are skeptical, let me ask you a few questions. Did you know that many people experience the first symptoms of depression during their college years? Did you know that one in four college students have a diagnosable mental disorder? Did you know that suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students? Did you know that approximately 1,100 college students die by suicide every year?

College is a breeding ground for stress and anxiety. We are thrown into a new, strange place and are separated from our families and friends. We are assigned a building to call “home” and are forced to live with people whose names we can barely remember. We assume new responsibilities such

as making sure we eat properly, getting ourselves to class, doing our work, managing our time, and so on. Thinking of all the stressors a typical college student faces, it does not seem so shocking that there are so many people who show symptoms of depression and generalized anxiety disorders while attending college.

One of the main reasons why college students are not going out and seeking help is because they are afraid of the stigma that is associated with mental illnesses. Students are afraid that if their peers or friends find out how they’re feeling, they will think less of them or label them as being crazy or abnormal. We are terrified that people will reject us and think that we are defective. We are paralyzed by the thought that others may not accept us, and as a result, we refuse to seek help.

Some people may believe that at Saint Joseph’s University, we have not opened up a dialogue about the severity of mental illnesses among our student body. However, if you do a little searching, you will come across the St. Joe’s chapter of Active Minds, a national mental health organization.

Active Minds is dedicated to working to promote the discussion of mental illnesses on college campuses across North America. Active Minds seeks to remove the stigma associated with mental illness and to empower students to

Attention deficiency The problem with allowing laptops in our classrooms ANTHONY PAPARO ’18 Hawk Staff Let’s start this article with a disclaimer: this is not about students who use their computers to take notes in class or do other work. This is not about students who have a disability that requires them to use the computer instead of a notebook and a writing instrument. Those are both completely acceptable reasons for bringing a laptop to class.

This article is addressed to the students that bring their laptops to class for uses other than classwork. This is for the people who bring their laptop to check Facebook, shop on Amazon, do work for another class, or even to watch Netflix while the professor is giving a lecture. It is incredibly distracting to the student, obviously, but it is also distracting to the people around them. That’s why I’m in favor of banning all laptops from classes unless the computer is absolutely vital, meaning that it is a required material for the class, or a student has a disability that requires the computer as an aid.

I do not believe that I have problems keeping focused, but this distraction is natural. Even as I type this article in the library, a girl checking her Facebook has my attention, for it is more interesting than sitting here and typing. If it is a distraction while I’m doing something that has my interest, then this distraction will very easily transition to a lecture about a concept that I’m only taking to fulfill my GEP requirements. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for people who actually have attention problems.

This is the same phenomenon as watching the concertgoer in front of you film or snap pictures during the entire show. While

“just look away” is a reasonable suggestion, they are facing the same direction, and it is hard to ignore a big, glowing screen right in your line of sight. It takes away from the experience of the concert as a whole as well as your overall experience.

The same goes for the person checking the Internet during class. As a society, we aren’t addicted to the Internet the way a drug user or an alcoholic is addicted to their drug of choice, but we do find ourselves drawn to it. Tom Stafford, a psychologist at the University of Sheffield in the United Kingdom, explained that “The Internet is not addictive in the same way as pharmacological substances are, but it’s compulsive; it’s compelling; it’s distracting.”

If I brought my laptop to class, I know I’d be tempted to check Facebook and Twitter as well, so I choose to leave my computer at home. I do not believe that many people bring their laptops with the intention of surfing Facebook while their professor lectures for the hour, but I believe that they do end up getting sucked in and drawing others in with them. Those who do bring their laptops to ignore the professor should just stay home.

Because we are all drawn into the world of the Internet, someone needs to step in and break that distraction. That responsibility falls on the shoulders of Saint Joseph’s University and its faculty. Many of my professors do not allow laptops and make that clear in the syllabus, but many others allow students free reign. These professors that allow laptops, however, often scold people for being on their cellphones. Why? Because they’re distracting. Then why not ban the laptop, a device that not only distracts the user, but also those around them?

seek help if they find themselves feeling distress from the pressures of college life.

During the week of April 6, the Active Minds chapter on our campus is having their first Mental Illness Awareness week. Among various events, the organization will be having an anti-suicide event called “Send Silence Packing.”

This event will take place outside of the Campion Student Center. When you walk by, you will see 1,100 backpacks on the ground, representing the 1,100 college students whose lives are lost to suicide each year. Each person who lost his or her life had a story. They each had family and friends who loved them and a life that was filled with infinite possibility, but unfortunately, they lost a battle with a mental illness.

The Egyptian philosopher Philo once said, “Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” The girl you sit across from in English class or the guy you play basketball with may be suffering from a mental illness. Let us seize this opportunity and remind those who are experiencing depression and anxiety that they do not have to fight this battle alone. Let’s come together and shed some light on this issue so that those who are affected by mental illness are no longer left in the dark.

Housing and classes and pick times, oh my!

GRACE KENNEY ’18 Special to The Hawk Unless you walk around campus with earplugs, you’ve probably heard and seen the angst that registration and housing causes students. There is nothing worse than watching your dream classes and living locations disappear one by one.

It seems very strange that the school is responsible for choosing who gets to go register first for housing and class registration. Shouldn’t there be a better way to choose your registration time rather than a random lottery system? Registering by GPA has been suggested before, while others recommend that times should be assigned alphabetically; I’m not sure how reasonable these options would be.

Too much time is spent researching professors online, talking to upperclassmen, and searching out friends’ suggestions on whom to take for all your different courses only to watch your top choices slowly dwindle by the hour as more and more students have the opportunity to register for the classes you would give your right arm to take.

The situation becomes even more stressful when you know that you have to take a specific course next semester because you can’t move on in a course sequence unless you complete a certain class. Don’t even get me started on the classes that are only offered in either the fall or spring semester; how is it your fault that you had a bad pick time and that that class – and every single one of those sections – is already full?

It seems as though those who are assigned a bad pick time from day one are stuck with it for the next four years. They never catch a break from this woe. Each semester, as these students log on to The Nest to see their pick time, there is a glimmer of hope that maybe this year they could register at 11 a.m. instead of 3 p.m., only to find out that, once again, the short straw

was picked in their honor. But this is only class registration—housing is a whole different story.

One of the problems with housing selection is the array of endless possibilities you are led to believe you have until you realize that there are only one or two real options on the day you pick. When selection is a month away, the group of six people you are planning on living with is the best thing since sliced bread; but as the day approaches, you seem to be left with only two or three people who have the same plan in mind.

When your plan is to live in a six-person suite and you find that they are all taken, your group must be rearranged. Someone then has to leave, and as a result, they may not have the privilege of picking at the earlier time of someone who is no longer in their group. So the quad the remaining four have in mind? Forget it! You’re lucky if you can even get a double. It is sad to check off the options one by one as each building is filled. There is always the waitlist, but even then, nothing is guaranteed.

For upperclassmen, it seems so easy at first. Of course you are going to live in a house either in Manayunk or on 63rd Street with all of your closest friends. You forget, though, that one person is studying abroad, the other is on co-op, and the rest of you aren’t really as close anymore. How did it become this hard to be happy with your plans for next year?

Hopefully you have figured out your living situation by now and most of you have picked your classes for next semester. The stress is only a mere memory, but the anxiety of the word “registration” still makes your stomach a little uneasy. We learn from our mistakes; know that next year, you are going to go in with thicker skin. For those of you who aren’t too satisfied with your schedule or living situation, there’s always next time!

April 1, 2015

Lifestyle | 7

The Hawk

SJU Improv hits a home run

Improv and club baseball team up for Parkinson’s charity show

Among the daily notifications of birthdays and tagged photos on Facebook, one notification always sparks my interest: the invitation to the bi-annual SJU Improv show.

As I read the page entitled “SJU Improv and Club Baseball Present: Stand Up to Parkinsons Charity,” I found myself already looking forward to the Friday night I would spend laughing myself to tears as I support my fellow classmates.

In order to gain a deeper understanding of the improv team and its roots here on Saint Joseph’s University’s campus, I spoke with the two presidents of the club, Scott Kenkelen, ’16, and Scott Scherer, ’16. The two friends decided during their freshman year that they wanted to start a club on campus.

When asked about how the duo decided to begin their own club, Scherer stated, “We were watching ‘Two and a Half Men’ with Ryan Stiles from ‘Whose Line Is it Anyway?’ and we starting talking and we were like, ‘We should do improv!’”

Scherer explained that he and Kenkelen started brainstorming in the summer before their sophomore year and spoke to several people who directed them to Beth Hagovsky, director of Student Leadership and Activities. Scherer explained that the process was “wild, and a lot of work for a few weeks, but all worth it.”

Kenkelen explained the difference between the SJU Improv club and the SJU Improv team, which performs on campus, “13 people perform on the team, but we have about 150 people on the email list for community practices.”

In regards to the community improv practices that are open to all students, Kenkelem said, “We usually have those about two to three times a month and we pick prospects we like from there and encourage them to audition for the team.”

Kenkelen also explained that both the team and club

Music for thought

MEGAN BURNS ’17 Hawk Staff are present at these community practices, but there is not a major divide between the two in the practice environment; this encourages everyone to work together and have fun.

When asked about how the charity event combines the Stand Up to Parkinson’s charity and the St. Joe’s club baseball team, Scherer explained, “I play club baseball, and my dad has Parkinson’s, so it’s kind of cool for both of my organizations to come together for something that means so much to me.”

The SJU Improv community is certainly one of support.

When asked about the best thing about being a part of this group, Kenkelen responded, “We’ve grown, especially the performing team, into a family. The feeling of being on stage and performing with those people is the best feeling in the world.”

“My favorite moment so far, I’d have to say, honestly, is the end of every show,” said Scherer. “We kind of view all of them [the SJU Improv team] as our ‘children,’ if you will. When I get to turn around on stage and see them all hugging and smiling, that is one of the most special moments for me.”

The university community has responded positively to all the work put in by the members of SJU Improv. As everyone sat down in their seats on Friday night in the Perch, not an open chair was spotted. The place was so full that students were found standing along the sides and sitting on the pool tables. The feeling from the audience exuded anticipation and a readiness for the entertainment ahead.

The team came out and was introduced by Scherer and Kenkelen, baseball-style of course—each of the members came on stage donning his or her own baseball cap. The show consisted of several skits, including repeat scene, the adverb game, freeze, and my personal favorite, scenes from a hat. The show was nothing short of hysterical and was thoroughly enjoyed by the crowd, particularly due to the

audience participation encouraged by the members. Each skit was formed from the suggestions of excited audience members, which led to some hysterical moments.

A crowd favorite was, without a doubt, the opportunity to win a date with a member of the improv team and a member of the club baseball team. The guys being auctioned off were introduced by way of dance. Louie Cappelli, ’16, from the baseball team danced – shirtless, might I add – to “Forever” by Chris Brown, and it was nothing short of amazing. Colin Mallee, ’17, from the SJU Improv team, danced to “Lip Gloss” by Lil Mama, driving the crowd wild.

By the end of the show, everyone in the audience was completely laughed out. The night was filled with hysterical scenarios as well as touching moments from students with family members affected by Parkinson’s. The night was a wonderful reminder of all that makes St. Joe’s special; a night spent coming together for a good cause is a night well spent.

Photo courtesy of Megan Burns ’17

The science behind creating the perfect studying playlist

No matter the preferred genre, music-lovers of all kinds know the unique influence music has over our lives. It can express emotions when words fall short, connect us to fond or far-off memories, and offer a sense of escape during periods of stress and depression. But beyond its emotional appeal, music also has the power to affect how our brains function in response to certain stimuli—inspiring creativity, motivation, productivity, and even influencing brain function.

This may not come as a surprise to those who already consider music a must-have for deep studying and can’t imagine settling into a homework assignment or working on a paper without something playing in the background.

So if you are the type of person who has a playlist for absolutely every occasion, or cringes at the mere thought of forgetting to bring headphones to the library, you’ll be glad to learn that there are ways to use your love of music to help you get ahead in the classroom.

While many are already familiar with the effects classi-

KATIE WHITE ’17 Lifestyle Editor cal music has on brain activity and relaxation, new research suggests that you don’t need to rely solely on instrumental music to get the most out of your study sessions. According to a study conducted by clinical psychologist and cognitive behavioral therapy specialist Emma Gray, there are songs of all genres that can provide optimum environments for focusing and retaining information. It all depends on what material you are trying to study.

Because you exercise different parts of your brain when working with different subjects, these recommendations can be broken down according to the sounds and tempo that best fit the type of work you need to accomplish.

Homework that involves problem solving and processing a large number of facts is best served by listening to music in the 50 to 80 beats per minute (BPM) range, which has a calming effect and allows for more logical thought processes. According to the behavioral study, this is most useful when studying science and languages. For mathematics and anything that requires deep concentration,

classical music, especially songs with 60-70 beats per minute, helps strike a balance between relaxation and alertness that is ideal for intense focusing. On the other hand, creative and artistic assignments typically associated with the right brain thrive with exposure to music that is emotional and expressive.

If you are looking to create the perfect studying playlist before your next exam, the Internet has everything you need to find songs that perfectly fit with your task.

There are ready-made studying playlists based on subject, websites that sort songs by their tempo, and apps that will count the BPM on any music of your choosing. Of course, music isn’t a magic grade booster. But if you want to put yourself in a frame of mind that is more receptive to learning and retaining information, listening to music may be a great way to do that—just make sure to use headphones in if you’re studying somewhere quiet.

Easter traditions around the world

Fun and fascinating ways to celebrate a holy day

MAGGIE MCHALE ’17 Hawk Staff Although it may seem hard to believe, Easter is already upon us. This Sunday, April 4, Dyngus. In this Easter tradition, boys try to dump water on each other and, according to Christian families around the globe will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Inter- legend, girls who get drenched will marry within the year. The tradition is believed to have estingly, although it is a widespread holiday, countries celebrate Easter in uniquely differ- its origins in the baptism of a Polish prince on Easter Monday in 966 A.D. Hungary has ent ways. Here are a few that are particularly amusing: a similar tradition known as “sprinkling,” in which boys sprinkle perfume or perfumed Rome, Italy: On Good Friday, the Pope commemorates the Via Crucis, or “Way of the water on girls. It is believed that the water has a cleansing, healing, and fertility-inducing Cross” at the Colosseum in Rome. During this event, a huge burning cross illuminates the effect. sky as the 14 Stations of the Cross are described in various languages. Mass is celebrated Washington, D.C.: For more than 130 years, the White House has hosted an annual on the evening of Holy Saturday, and on Easter Sunday, thousands flock to St. Peter’s event on Easter Monday: the Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn. The main activity inSquare to await the Pope’s blessing from the church’s balcony. volves rolling a colored egg with a spoon, but the event has now grown to include various Verges, Spain: On Holy Thursday, residents of this medieval town perform the tra- musical acts, an egg hunt, sports, and crafts. This year’s theme is titled #GimmeFive, which ditional dansa de la mort, or “death dance.” They then reenact scenes from the Passion is meant to help promote the First Lady’s “Let’s Move!” Initiative. dressed as skeletons while parading through the streets. The procession ends with frightThese are just a small sampling of the many traditions celebrated around the world, but ening skeletons carrying boxes of ashes. The entire event begins at midnight and ends in they are no doubt some of the most fascinating and fun. These events respect ritual, honor the early hours of the morning. the holy holiday, and stick true to their country’s traditions and history. But no matter Bermuda: On Good Friday, Bermudans celebrate by flying homemade kites and eating what your specific tradition is, Easter is a time for reflection, renewal, and joy. Enjoy the codfish cakes and hot-crossed buns. The tradition allegedly began when a teacher in the season in your own way – but be sure to eat plenty of jellybeans and Peeps – and rememBritish Army had difficulty explaining Christ’s resurrection to his students, so he made a ber what it’s truly all about. kite resembling the Cross to illustrate it.

Happy Easter, Hawks!

Poland: On Easter Monday, the Polish partake in an annual event known as Smingus

8 | Sports

April 1, 2015

The Hawk

St. Joe’s sweeps Hawks defeat A-10 rival in both games CHRISTY SELAGY ’16 Hawk Staff

T

his weekend, the Saint Joseph’s University softball team (19-6) swept the University of Massachusetts Minutewomen (5-15) in three games. Each game lasted only five innings because of the mercy rule, which is invoked when one team is up by at least eight runs after five innings.

“I think this is, since I’ve been here, the best offensive team that we’ve had here,” said Head Coach Terri Adams. “12 kids on the roster [are] hitting over .300.”

On Saturday, the Hawks defeated the Minutewomen by a score of 14-5. The Minutewomen struck first, scoring on an error by the Hawks in the first inning. The Hawks retaliated in the bottom of the first inning when senior Melissa Ruf singled and the left fielder misplayed the ball, allowing sophomore Madeline Brunck to score. Later, with two outs and the bases loaded, freshman Nikki Alden was hit by a pitch to drive in another run for the Hawks.

The Hawks took a decisive lead in the next inning, scoring five runs with two outs. Senior Nicole Palase singled up the middle for an RBI and junior Brandi Harkness followed with a double that allowed Palase to score. Junior Sarah Yoos then hit a double of her own to score Harkness, and senior Ashley Alden homered for the ninth time this season.

In the top of the third, the Minutewomen scored four runs on three homeruns, but the Hawks got all four runs back in the bottom half of the inning. Brunck drove in the first run of the inning with a bloop single to left field. Later, Harkness hit a three-run homerun to increase the Hawks’ lead to 11-5. In the bottom of the

fifth, freshman Nikki Alden hit a three-run homerun to end the game.

Freshman Madison Clarke earned the win, allowing four earned runs in five innings, striking out seven, and walking one.

In the first game of Sunday’s doubleheader, the Hawks won by a score of 10-2.

The Minutewomen opened the game with a lead-off home run. The Hawks didn’t score until the third inning, when Brunck hit a two-run home run. The Minutewomen tied the game in the next inning on a two-out double, but the Hawks retook the lead in the bottom of the fourth on an RBI double from Nikki Alden.

The Hawks exploded for seven runs in the fifth inning. The first five batters singled, which drove in two runs, and Ashley Alden safely reached on a fielder’s choice, driving in the third run of the inning. Nikki Alden then walked with the bases loaded to bring home yet another run. Two batters later, Ashley Alden scored when sophomore Isabella Picard reached on a fielding error. Brunck reached on a fielder’s choice that scored Nikki Alden when the catcher failed to touch the plate on the play. Ruf then drew a bases-loaded walk to force in the Hawks’ final run of the game.

Clarke again earned the win, allowing two runs on three hits, striking out two, and walking one. Adams praised Clarke, who improved to 14-2 on the season.

“Madison Clarke… has really stepped up…

I thought [Sunday’s first game] was her best game she’s pitched. She’s really come in and solidified this team,” said Adams.

The Hawks also won their second game by a score of 12-2. The Minutewomen scored both of their runs on home-runs in the second and fourth innings.

The Hawks blew the game open in the second inning by scoring nine runs. Back-

Sarah Yoos ’16 wating for a pitch while at bat. Photo by Matthew J. Haubenstein ’15, photo editor

to-back home runs from Yoos and Ashley Alden led off the inning. Later, with the bases loaded, thanks to three walks, Ruf singled to center field, driving in two runs.

Palase followed with a three-run home run—the third of the inning for the Hawks.

With two outs in the inning, Yoos walked, Ashley Alden singled, and both runners advanced a base on a passed ball. Nikki Alden then singled to second base, and both runners scored.

The Hawks scored three more runs in the bottom of the fourth inning. Picard scored Yoos on a sacrifice fly, Ruf walked with the bases loaded, and Palase was hit by a pitch with the bases loaded.

Nikki Alden earned the win, going all five innings while allowing two runs on five hits.

One of the keys to the team’s success is the dynamic among the players.

“We’re definitely connecting on and off the field,” said Yoos, who had an RBI in each game. “We know everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. We know how to pick each other up. I think that’s one of the big things, and we figured that out pretty early in the season.”

“I’m extremely proud of the team,” Adams said. “I’m extremely proud of our coaching staff. I think they’ve done a phenomenal job, and I think it’s a good time to be a player on the Hawks’ softball team.”

Adams also thanked the administration for their support. “John Smithson’s been a big supporter. Father Gillespie.

They’ve just been so supportive of our program, and that means a lot to our kids… I just want to thank them for their support…

It makes our life a lot easier.”

Ending on a high note Leskow concludes indoor track season with two first place finishes

Leskow leads the pack during the race.

Photo courtesy of Brian Crilly

ANTHONY PANVINI ’16 Sports Editor Graduate student Aaron Leskow of the Saint Joseph University men’s track and field team closed his final indoor track season with a remarkable finish. Leskow was named the 2015 Atlantic 10 Championship’s Most Outstanding Track Performer due to his success in both races. He claimed first place in the mile for the second year in a row and he also won first in the 3000m just two hours after running in the mile.

Leskow finished the mile in 4:11.70 and the 3000m in 8:28.63.

“I actually won the mile last year, so going back to that, you almost have to think of yourself as the favorite and really give yourself a chance,” said Leskow. “Going back to the 3k it [Leskow’s strategy] was just do as best as I possibly can and fortunately I was able to come out on top with that as well; [it was] definitely a great weekend against some really great competition.”

In between the races there is a short two-hour break. Leskow explained that the key to being successful in both events, especially the second, is to have confidence. As for actual physical preparation in between races, Leskow keeps it simple: he stretches, gets hydrated, and listens to some music to get him ready to go back out there.

“This year when he stepped on the track for that second race, there was absolutely no doubt in his mind that if he did the right things during the early parts when the fatigue set in, he was going to be there, and he was there,” said Head Coach Mike Glavin. “At the Atlantic 10 level he absolutely believed, without any cockiness or brashness, that he was the guy that they had to beat.”

Along with claiming the Most Outstanding Track Performer for the Atlantic 10 Tournament, Leskow was also one of three Hawks to be nominated on the Atlantic 10 Indoor Track and Field All-Academic Team. Senior Tyler Gallen and graduate student Rad Gunzenhauser were the other two Hawks to join him. In order to be

nominated, student athletes need to thrive both on the indoor track and in the classroom. They must maintain a minimum GPA of 3.0 on a 4.0 scale for their entire academic career.

In college, balancing a sport, doing well in school, having a job, and maintaining a social life is difficult, to say the least.

Leskow is pretty good at it by this point, though. “[Time management is] one of those things where I’ve been doing it for such a long time at this point in my life…I ran… four years of undergrad and now I’m in grad school, and I’m actually interning part time at a company now, too, so that definitely takes a lot out of you, but you just find ways to get it done,” said Leskow. “You definitely make some sacrifices but at the end of the day I think it’s all well worth it.”

The two other times Saint Joseph’s had three Hawks on the Atlantic 10 Indoor Track and Field All-Academic Team was in 2006 and before that, in 2003.

“It just shows the kind of culture that’s grown over the years where we are really able to focus ourselves and get what we need to get done,” Leskow said, “and I’m sure that having coach there full time all around has helped tremendously too, because its a lot easier to access him if you have a question, if you have something to talk to about, and that kind of just falls into the whole process of being the best you can be in the classroom and on the track.”

Glavin also had some high praise for Leskow.

“He’s a very good student, he’s working on his masters degree here, his MBA, while he’s finishing up his fifth year,” said Glavin.

“On [the track] he is very competitive, but not in the modern sense of brash and inyour-face type competitive; he just continues to go until the event is over…He has evolved as an athlete from freshman year until now in an unbelievable way.”

Even in his final year, Glavin was impressed with Leskow’s hunger to learn more. He explained that in every race Leskow learns something new and implements into his next race to improve.

Another thing that Glavin admired about Leskow was that he believed that Leskow didn’t have achieving the Most Outstanding Track Performer for the Atlantic 10 Tournament on his list of goals. Glavin believes that Leskow was more focused on doing well in each race at the tournament.

“I think his goal going in was run the mile, win the mile, run the 3k, win the 3k,” said Glavin. “I think he is very focused on the task at hand. Those awards are what happen after you do what you should be doing correctly. ...Some people have a desire to win, other people can’t stand losing and I think Aaron has a really good mix of the two.”

S5 | Squawk

April 1, 2015

Brunch délicieux

Take your tastebuds on an adventure at St. Joe’s most prominent dining establishment MATTHEW BEDROSSIAN ’16 Hawk Staff Have you ever had a craving for delicious breakfast food, but found yourself without any means of eating other than your meal plan? If you fall into this category, then get ready to hear about one of the greatest breakfast experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

On Saturday morning, I was just like many other Saint Joseph’s University students. I found myself dehydrated from a long night of studying and on the brink of hospitalization due to hunger. I had one thing on my mind—a hearty breakfast. A breakfast encompassing everything you should put into your body and even some things that you shouldn’t. I had recently heard of a “hidden gem” restaurant on campus: Cámpīöñ Dining Halle.

Tales of endless scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes, omelets, waffles, and toast seemed like only a dream, but I was determined to make them a reality.

I made my journey over to Cámpīöñ and knew I was in the right place by the appearance of many of my fellow Hawks. Everyone really seemed happy to be there, enjoying the company and great food, acting livelier than ever.

As I was walking into Cámpīöñ – which you can only access if you have a St. Joe’s Hawk Card, for VIPs only – I asked Brendan Gallagher, ’17, his opinion on Cámpīöñ.

“I love Cámpīöñ!” Gallagher exclaimed. “I usually skip family dinners just for this place.” Gallagher’s ad-

Image by Teddy Lupin, ‘17

miration for Cámpīöñ set the bar high for my breakfast experience.

After walking in, I was not only greeted by two lovely Cámpīöñ employees, but also by a line that consisted of approximately 5,000 people. You would have thought University President C. Kevin Gillespie. S.J., ’72, was cooking omelettes and personally blessing them.

Sadly, he wasn’t, but the spinach and cheese omelette I received was a slice of heaven. The omelette was perfectly stuffed and flipped, and had me saying, “Oh my” more than once during our encounter. After finishing my omelette and drinking about eight cups of water, I decided to search for the endless scrambled eggs, bacon, and other unhealthy things I desired.

Another line of 5,000 was waited upon, and at the end of the line was what the hype was all about. Here I received portion-controlled servings of perfectly scrambled eggs, savory bacon, and potatoes complemented with a medallion-like piece of sausage. To put the icing on the cake, I completed my Saturday breakfast bonanza with a nice cup of chocolate milk.

Each forkful of scrambled eggs with a little ketchup was breathtaking. Perfectly seasoned with salt and pepper, I would enter these eggs into a national scrambled eggs contest. The bacon tasted fresher than ever. I actu-

ally thought the bacon was being sliced off the pig in the kitchen, but didn’t want to embarrass myself and ask the chef such a silly question—it was obviously sliced and cured in the back. The sausage was also excellent. Lastly, my potatoes may have been the best part of the breakfast experience; each bite was perfectly accompanied by ketchup and whatever mystery seasoning was on the potatoes. My chocolate milk was amazing, fresh from the local Philadelphia Chocolate Cow Farm.

While enjoying the delicious breakfast on my plate, I realized why so many people love Cámpīöñ. With such a variety of food and high standard of quality, Cámpīöñ Dining Halle is the place to be. Meals are served all day and provide sustenance to any hungry student with a meal plan. Cámpīöñ also has ample space to hold you, your friends, and your friends’ friends. It’s truly an effortless experience.

As I placed my plate on the conveyor belt to nowhere, I was disappointed that my time in Cámpīöñ had come to an end. As I walked out and glanced at the pizza, I knew my return was imminent. I turned my frown upside down and went on my way, knowing I would soon be back.

St. Joe’s hottest hang out spot is...

The most popping place on campus SARAH COONEY ’17 Special to The Hawk Image by Severus Potter ’17

Last week, several of The Hawk’s articles discussed the hidden spaces of Hawk Hill, including Barbelin, the roof of Hawk’s Landing, a variety of fire escapes, and, of course, its myriad closets. However, one space was glaringly missed: The Perch.

The Perch, situated on the ground floor of Simpson Hall, was opened in 2009, and I for one am wondering what Saint Joseph’s University students did for 158 years without it. I have followed many a campus tour on Saturday mornings as I make my way from Lannon Hall to brunch in Campion, and the Hawk Hosts never fail to point out this campus landmark to prospective students.

Hawk Host Joe Kerr, ’17, is always sure to tell incoming students, “It’s the social hot spot on campus.” As all the Hawk Hosts are quick to rattle off, The Perch features a number of amenities including pool and ping-pong tables, big-screen TVs, and free, unlimited coffee and soda. I was able to talk with several students about this campus landmark.

“I was deciding between Saint Joseph’s and Villanova University, but when I first laid eyes on The Perch during my tour on Admitted Students Day, I knew St. Joe’s was the school for me,” said Anna Graham, ’18.

Several other students expressed the influence The Perch had on their decision to attend St. Joe’s, and I am sure many of us can relate. Let’s face it: who hasn’t Instagrammed a picture of The Perch on a snow day? Features like the Barbelin’s bell tower

pale in comparison.

Paige Turner, ’15, says she regrets not spending more time in The Perch during her years on Hawk Hill.

Similar to the VIP area in a club, the back of The Perch houses its own exclusive section: the commuter lounge. I was fortunate enough to gain access to the lounge, and I can tell you that while its interior and furniture may look like St. Joe’s standard-issue, it’s far from it. Even more fortunately, I had the chance to talk to a few commuters about what it’s like to have the privilege to visit such an elite space. Dinah Soares, ’16, mentioned that she likes that she doesn’t have to study in the library like a “regular student.”

Of course, I wouldn’t want to neglect mention of the numerous special events held in The Perch throughout the semester. When asked about her favorite event, Ella Vader, ’17, recalled fondly, “I got a free waffle there once during finals week.”

We also can’t forget the celebrities who have graced its stage. I mean, any student can just swipe right in and stand in the same spot pop sensation Aaron Carter stood just last year. I’m surprised maintenance is even allowed to mop the stage to this day.

Kerr summed it up best when he said, “Forget the chapel. I want to marry my Hawkmate in The Perch.”

S6 | Squawk

The Squawk

April 1, 2015

Thank Campion Dining Hall,

Over the past four years, you have acted as one of my only sources of sustenance through college. During my original tours here at St. Joe’s, you were presented to me in dazzling fashion by enthusiastic Red Shirts with a cornucopia of delicious meals that every person could enjoy.

I was barely able to contain myself as a rising freshman, for the days of having strawberry jelly-filled Smuckers Uncrustables for lunch would finally be over and a plethora of food options became available to me. Now, nearly every day, I get to wait in a 20-minute long line for a crusty chicken sandwich served with gourmet shoestring French fries or a piping hot plate of mysterious chewy meat chunks with stale white rice. As a senior, I want to sincerely thank you for all of the mediocre meals that you offered to me as nourishment in order to stay alive and also for all of the post-meal episodes spent in the bathroom.

-Alex Zerpa ’15, Special to The Hawk

Saint Joseph’s University, For funding the business school above all other departments. It is important that we recognize our inferiority in the College of Arts and Sciences, because writing the next great American novel is far below pencil pushing. St. Joe’s is like Kanye at the Grammys, while we liberal arts students are like Taylor Swift and the business majors are a mean version of Beyoncé. We need to be put in our place, so please, continue putting most of our tuition into the business school.

I don’t need you to print me out a free copy of my class syllabus; donate that extra ten cents to getting an actuarial science major an internship. Thank you for knowing who is really important on this campus.

-Caitlyn Bouchard ’16, Hawk Staff

Saint Joseph’s parking lots For never failing to make me late for class and practice. The amount of time we have spent together has made the last three years fabulous. Not only did I pay for a parking pass, but I also get to pay for additional tickets when I can’t find a spot. Our relationship has brought me anger, sadness, and joy. The sadness of having to leave a spot and knowing you won’t find one again the next day. The laughs we shared after I continuously passed the same friends over and over again while scanning that beautiful black pavement. Do not forget the anger, and occasional middle finger, when the other car searching for a spot pulled in directly in front of me. Above all else, thanks for those miraculous days when maybe, just maybe, there is no searching at all.

-Emily Bowers ’15, Special to The Hawk

Social media, For making my life as a journalist 1,000 times more complicated. I could write an ode to the simpler times, when people would only get their news from newspapers or television and reporters only had one job: report the news. Good times, good times. But alas, things have changed—for the better, I admit, in some sense, but not necessarily for those who aspire to report the stories of the world. For now do we not only have to report, now we have to follow, we have to tweet, we have to trend, we have to post, we have to be likable, we have to be known. Does it matter that I have a degree in journalism? Yes, it does, but more importantly, does it matter how many followers I have on Twitter? Yes, and that is my selling point. So thank you, social media, for giving me a million other things to keep up with besides my actual full-time profession of reporting news. Thank you for forcing me to create a persona, and not only that, but also pressuring me to create a likable one, and if that is not enough, thank you for reshaping the world in a place where the only way I can get a job is if I am constantly up-to-date with every single thing that is happening in the world and having a happy, smiling profile picture at the same time.

-Katryna Perera ’16, News Editor

April 1, 2015

The Squawk

Squawk | S7

You...

Johnny Manziel,

For being a huge prima donna and bringing joy to Alabama fans everywhere. You are an inspiration to aspiring quarterbacks that want to party their way out of the NFL. Don’t worry, hanging out in clubs with Drake will definitely help you win games this fall. It’s not like any players practice in the offseason anyway. It’s the O-F-F season—keyword: off. You owe it to yourself to relax and take as many Instagrams as you want. You will probably be holding a clipboard and wearing a headset come fall anyway.

-Jay Wadyka ’16, Hawk Staff

Newt Gingrich, First off, I’d like to thank you for your concern that America will become “a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists.” My biggest fear has always been radical atheist Muslims. I’d mostly like to thank you for your views on gay marriage, though. It’s so refreshing to see an old, conservative Southern politician stand up for traditional marriage! If gay people can get married, then your three marriages mean nothing. I applaud your decision to cheat on and divorce your first wife while she had cancer and I applaud your decision to cheat on your second wife for seven years before divorcing her. I’m hoping my life will follow a similar path, and I’d hate to see it tainted by allowing two men or two women who love each other to get married. Hope to see you on the 2016 campaign trail, Newt!

-Christy Selagy ’16, Special to The Hawk

People who park on Cardinal Ave, Thank you for bringing your car – that was most likely parked in a garage or driveway before coming to a city school – to Cardinal Ave without learning how to parallel park in the slightest.

Nothing satisfies me more than when I am looking for a spot and see a smart car struggling to fit in a spot that I could fit an 18-wheeler in, except maybe when I have to literally alter my path while walking down the sidewalk because someone thinks it’s OK to leave half of their car on the pavement and go to class. Thank you to the girl who drives the blue jeep and consistently parks in the middle of the crosswalk then leaves her car there all day. I’ve seen about five different tickets on your windshield. When ya’ gonna learn? And finally, thank you to the inconsiderate people who decide to take up multiple spots when parking. Is it really that hard to either pull up or back up an extra five feet to save someone else a spot?

-Anthony Panvini ’16, Sports Editor

30 Minute Shoes, You are truly the love of my life. I will forever be in your debt because for 30 minutes, you make a girl feel like Cinderella. Yes, I can only go from the house to the car to the party, but you make me look good within those three hundred and twenty-eight steps.

Thank you for the “Girl, those shoes are cute,” as I walk to my table, calves burning.

I appreciate the way you make my knees ache and later on in life when arthritis takes over, I’ll appreciate you even more. 30-minute shoes, thank you for the twisted ankles and pinched toes, all in the name of beauty. You are the reason railings were invented. Those four inches really make 5’2” look tall. If only there were a way to permanently join us together, we’d be together forever. But for now, I’ll just sit at my table, rubbing the pain from my knees and watch other girls attempt to work their shoes longer than 30 minutes but end up walking like horses, hoping that I, too, will look like a horse as I walk out. At the end of the night when I put you away in the closet, I think of all the great moments we had. Like when I stepped on a crack in the pavement and almost broke my ankle. Thank you for that experience, 30-minute shoes. Thank you.

-Taisha Cooke, Special to The Hawk

Graphics by Sam Lukens ’17

S8 | Squawk

April 1, 2015

Barbelin Hall to be demolished to make way for new underwater mini-golf arena

Images courtesy of Creative Commons

ANTHONY PANVINI ’16 Guido in Chief This Friday, the Saint Joseph’s University underwater mini-golf team will be hosting tryouts in the swimming pool in the O’Pake Recreation Center. Tryouts will consist of a number of various drills, including the most important one of all: a breath holding competition. Students who wish to be on the team must be able to hold their breath for all 18 holes, an estimated time of 40 minutes.

Head Coach Bob Breath-Holder says that he is confident that some students will be able to complete this task with ease.

“When people first hear about this task, I usually get responses like, ‘Are you crazy?’ or, ‘You’re kidding, right?,’” said Breath-Holder. “It amazes me how little confidence people have in themselves…So yes, I am confident in the students and their ability to master this task.”

As of now, the tryouts will be held in the St. Joe’s pool, as plans for construction of an underwater mini-golf arena are still underway. It was confirmed, however, that the iconic Barbelin Hall will be knocked down to build the arena that will house the team. The arena will have the standard 18-hole field and will be filled with red water, representing Hawk Hill’s school color. It will hold approximately 12,000 people.

There will be two rounds of tryouts for the underwater mini-golf team. The first round will be strictly related to breath-holding techniques and strategies while the second will focus more on the mechanics of play. Each match will consist of three games – played as a best of three series – and the winner of the match will be the team who wins two of the three games. There are 12 spots available, as four people will golf each match.

One of those spots, however, is already filled as stud underwater mini golfer Sandy Beech is transferring from Underwater University to help the program get started. Beech led her high school team to three Ocean Championships, in which she helped hoist the

trophy both her junior and senior year. She was elected for the Burger King Underwater Mini-Golf All-American Team and also played in a winter league despite every body of water being frozen solid. Beech then signed to play with Underwater University, where she played her freshman year before deciding to transfer to St. Joe’s to help start the program.

“I am really excited to get the ball rolling here at Saint Joseph’s,” said Beech. “I have been playing underwater mini golf for about five years now, so I would consider myself a pro. Not too many people know about the sport so I am excited to bring it here to Philadelphia and watch it grow.”

Breath-Holder echoed this statement and explained that Beech will be a great asset to the team.

“Beech is a remarkable player and I am ecstatic that she chose to transfer here to help get the program started,” Beech said. “She is a great leader and will be a great athlete to build the team around. Her experience along with her patience and ability to be a leader for the other players is something that I very much value.”

Students who wish to participate in the sport, however, must purchase their own equipment. The equipment includes, but is not limited to: weighted boots, a weighted golf club with golf balls, and goggles. Equipment will be supplied for the tryouts.

Breath-Holder was aware that not too many people know about the sport. However, he had a message of encouragement.

“I want to tell people that it is important to try things that you normally wouldn’t,” explained Breath-Holder. “In my years of coaching, I noticed that people sometimes tend to not want to do it because of the whole underwater aspect. I would just like to reassure them that we have the proper training techniques and staff to help them succeed.”

Board of Trustees cuts to the chase and decides to throw bags of money into the Schuylkill

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KEVIN TRIMMER ’17 Special to The Hawk While Saint Joseph’s University leadership has taken a number of approaches in order to cut back on losses, including limiting class offerings and cutting back on faculty conference funding, the Saint Joseph’s University Board of Trustees has decided to accept the inevitable and simply throw bags of money into the Schuylkill.

“Despite what people may think, it is actually rather difficult to lose as much money as we did,” said Corey O. Graff, a member of Board of Trustees. “After spending a considerable amount of effort losing money in complicated accounting errors, or with ill-advised purchases, we finally said, screw it, let’s just throw all this money into the river.”

This event comes on the heels of several university budgeting shortfalls in recent years.

“The university’s faculty’s no confidence votes and student protests about our lack of transparency have been examples of alarmist behavior,” said Ferris Wheeler, member of the Board of Trustees.

“While the university has lost a large sum of money in recent years, it is still the responsibility of the Board of Trustees to decide the method in which we recklessly misplace students’ tuition money.”

One of the most outspoken critics of the Board of Trustees is Jo King, chairperson of the environmental science department. “As

long as the Board of Trustees is wasting money that could be going towards the pensions and healthcare plans of the university’s faculty, we have the right to decide how that money should be destroyed,” said King. “The Schuylkill is already polluted enough; throwing all that money in there is only further harming our fragile ecosystem.”

Despite all these recent actions, however, the Board of Trustees has still been working hard to improve the school with whatever funds it has left.

“While some people may have considered losing such a vast sum of money to be ‘incompetent’ or ‘grossly irresponsible,’ the Board of Trustees was clearly not given enough credit for our foresight into this situation,” said Graff. “We knew enough to save the tuition from a few lucky students to throw a pretty kick ass barbeque on the river after dumping all that money. It was a real nice time, throwing back beers while students’ parents’ work overtime to send their kid to St. Joe’s. We figured it would be a nice way to finish our time here before we all resign out of sheer ineptitude.”

The St. Joe’s Board of Trustees will continue to devote a limited amount of time and effort to the financial workings and issues of the university.

Graphic by Shannon Adams ’16