8 Keys Heartbreak
Teen Life
to Move on
After a
By REINALINE FABIAN
3. Set memories aside.
1. Love yourself first.
“Worry about loving yourself, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.”― kushandwizdom. tumblr.com, an inspirational catalog of ideas Rebuild yourself by eating healthy foods, having enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Recollect all the pieces that were taken from you by your past love and your previous heartaches and take care of yourself.
2. Don’t be tempted with replacements.
“Don’t pursue a heart that you’re not ready to stay committed to.”―Trent Shelton, former American football player and founder of Rehab Time Rebound is a positive term only in basketball. Don’t give chance to others just yet. Imagine how unfair it is for that person to give you a whole cake and just receive the icing, because you are still dividing the cake into two: yourself and your ex. It is being unfair to yourself and the next person you’ll love. Heal with God, not with someone else.
“Moving on is being able to look back without needing to reach back.”― Leo Christopher, writer and poet Don’t discard or throw away all the memories and remnants of your relationship. Set them aside for a while. So when you’re ready to look back, as the song goes, you’ll remember the boy/girl but not the feeling anymore. Time will come when the pain will become a memory and that memory will become a lesson.
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Models not subjects of article
A
n old photo, an ordinary shirt, a torn book, a common friend, even a street vendor— everything you lay your eyes on reminds you of that person. They rekindle memories, along with the pain you felt the moment he or she said it’s over. Your mind swirls in wonder, torturing yourself with thoughts of what you could have done differently or of what you lacked. You go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and sometimes you may even feel trapped in this cycle. Have you been there? I have. Twice! And so have some of my own dear friends. How can we move on from a devastating chapter of our lives when it seems like our faith has been badly shaken and our only hope is lost? I should say it is really easier said than done, but it can be done. Experiencing good love gone bad is painful and that pain might prevent you from moving forward. But I found help— from my friends’ hugot tips to reading psychologists’ advice on the Internet. If you feel like locking yourself up in despair, here are some keys that may set you free and help you move on.
Personal Answers By Arnold C. Serra
I have always been an achiever in school, but my grade 1 son is failing his exams miserably. He loves playing more than going to school. What should I do? How can I motivate him, without pressuring him to follow my steps?
T
he educational standards or systems of our country are programed or predetermined by the government. Pupils or students who perform well within the program are labeled “scholars” or “intelligent.” Those who don’t measure up are branded with failing grades. One way or another, we conform to this educational system. We even grieve over the “failures” of our children before the measuring stick of our local system. The good news, however, is that some private schools in the Philippines are starting to open up and adopt educational systems different from ours. They are, however, still an exception rather than the norm. Just for comparison, I will take Finland’s educational system as an example. It may not be flawless, but it is ranked first in the world. How do the Nordics do it? They designed an amazingly unique education system. Students are ______ Arnold C. Serra has worked as hospital, rehab, and nursing home chaplain prior to his church pastoral work. He had his training in marriage and family therapy from USA. If you have questions about love, friendship, and family matters, email him at arnieserra@yahoo.com.
Motivation Minus the Pressure given a great deal of freedom to pursue their interests1 and the teachers cater programs to suit these interests. With such mentoring and support, students may reach their potential. I share this information to offer a comparative view—one that’s different from the usual mindset. I hear your frustration and grief. Though unspoken, I could feel the pressure building up that you may be subconsciously giving to your son. Your statement, “I have always been an achiever in school,” sounds like you want a replica of yourself. I encourage you to accept your son as a unique child in his own way, capacity, and ability. Your own standard may place your son inside a box where he may be pressured to achieve, and eventually may experience some stress. Your son appears to be a playachiever, which is very appropriate at his own age. I wish I could discuss more about this, but I have very limited space. To further your understanding on child learning, please download “Play in Children’s Development, Health, and Well-being,” at scholar. google.com.ph to help you understand your child’s stage of learning and behavior. Cheer up. We have examples of people who were judged or branded as different because they did not level up to the prevailing educational system and to society’s agenda but became successful. • Thomas Edison. His teachers told him he was too stupid to learn anything. • Albert Einstein. As a child, he had some difficulty communicating and learning in a traditional manner. What I am trying to say is, please don’t be discouraged with your son’s behavior. He is in a development stage where he likes to play. Harness that play interest and incorporate that into his learning.
May I suggest some techniques that may help him define his structure in learning experience. This process MUST be negotiated with and explained well! • Bargaining style. Negotiate with your son. Make him study first, after which he can play. No study, no play. Make this a rule and be consistent about it. • Reward and consequence. Reward your son with simple things that he loves when he consistently studies. Appreciate him with words like “Good job” and “I’m proud of you.” Give him hugs. You may, however, cut off some play time when he is not consistent with his studies. • Time scheduled tutorials. Spend time with your son and nurture him in his studies. Some 30-40 minutes may work because of his age level. Design a play-learning interaction method to make the activity fun. For your motivational creativeness, I suggest that you watch the following videos: “A World Where Fish Are Forced to Climb Trees” (Youtube.com), “Every Child Is Special,” and “3 Idiots.” • Pray this Bible verse for your son. A parent’s prayer does miracles. “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen” (2 Peter 3:18). God bless you.
References 1 https://www.quora.com/Whichcountries-have-the-best-educationsystem-and-why 2 https://www.businessinsider.com/ successful-people-who-failed-at-first2015-7/#nston-churchill-was-estrangedfrom-his-political-party-over-ideologicaldisagreements-during-the-wildernessyears-of-1929-to-1939-20 3 https://www.onlinecollege. org/2010/02/16/50-famouslysuccessful-people-who failed-at first/
Health & Home March-April 2017
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Starting a Beautiful
Journey By JANET R. TOLETE
L
ike a beautiful butterfly that transforms from a vulnerable egg, to a squiggly caterpillar, to a coy cocoon, and finally, to a majestic monarch, a woman also goes through several stages in her life. From being a darling daughter, an awkward teen, she blooms gently into an adult—a noble professional, a loving wife, a caring mother, and much later, a spoiling grandmother. One woman was gracious and kind enough to let readers of Health & Home get a glimpse of how it is to go through one of these important stages—marriage. The youngest of four siblings from Iligan City and an inflight cabin crew, Cristina Marie Chin Bartolome, or simply “Tina,” shares how her life has been since she tied the knot with Atty. Randel A. Ty in April last year. Here is her story.
Childhood days
I grew up in a busy household. Mom used to run a local business and my dad worked for a government-owned corporation. As a kid, I didn’t have neighbors or cousins to play with. It was just me and my sister, Carla, who is only a year-and-a-half older than me. Our Kuya and Ate are much older than us, about 10 years apart. I did enjoy their company, but they had different interests. Not long after, they went to school in Cebu. Since it was always just me and my sister, we were always into
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fights. What I can’t forget was that my mom never took sides. She was a good disciplinarian. My childhood was all about playtime (and fights) with my sister, our family trips during summer breaks, and our awesome holidays.
After two years of IT studies, I came to Manila on my own and pursued my dream of becoming a flight attendant. I underwent trainings with two major airline companies and received my certification (Airbus Qualified) at the age of 19.
Self-description
Career
Most people get the impression that I’m reserved or nonchalant. But I’m the exact opposite when I’m around family and friends. I especially thrive associating with people who always exude a positive outlook in life.
Studies
I studied at La Salle Academy in Iligan City then moved to Mindanao Mission Academy in Manticao, Misamis Oriental. Later on I went to Mountain View College in Valencia City where I took up BS Information Technology (IT).
I really like going places and this job gives me the opportunity to do just that. I even get to do that for free! The best part is widening my view and understanding of the different cultures around the world.
Photo/Glen Camagay
but the emotional rollercoaster is tough. As a wife and future mother, I’m aware that more challenges will be thrown my way. With God’s help and guidance, however, I know I’ll be just fine. Not long from now, there will be three of us and this is reason enough to be really excited about the future. Building a family will not be all bliss, of course, but the joy of raising a child far outweighs everything.
Advice received, advice to give
The best advice I’ve received is to be always honest with each other and that you need to tell your spouse how you really feel about things. Simply open up and, again, compromise. Ultimately, make God the center of your relationship. For those who are planning to get married, make sure you are ready for the long haul. You got to stick it out with each other—good or bad. For those who have just tied the knot, sure we all want a bed of roses, but that’s not always the case. So enjoy the ride, even the turbulence.
On beauty
I feel awkward when people compliment me, but I definitely prefer it when people say I have a good heart. A beautiful person for me is someone who is not loud and has propriety. A woman’s beautiful physique will fade away. Once it starts to wither, it goes downhill from there. But holding on to Christian values and living it out every single day is, for me, the best way to preserve inner beauty.
A
s of this writing, Tina is on maternity leave and is due to deliver their firstborn, a baby girl, in June. Indeed, their beautiful journey has just started.
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His Story
F
or fairness and to complete the picture, Health & Home is letting the husband, Atty. Randel Ty, share his version of how the romance bloomed between him and Tina, “the woman who will always have [his] heart...forever”: We were introduced virtually. I stalked her on Facebook for a while, sending her a couple of private messages and text messages, but got no reply. I guess she didn’t like me then. It took months before I heard from her. She had some legal questions that needed to be addressed. I came in handy, of course, so I finally got her to message me. I told her my legal advice wouldn’t come in cheap, but if she’d agree to meet up and discuss her concerns, I’d gladly consider it pro bono. It got the ball rolling. When I realized how wonderful it would be to wake up and look at her face every single day, I made the conscious decision to spend the rest of my life with her. For the two years that we were sweethearts, I was very vocal that I wanted to settle down with her. I think she saw it coming—that, sooner than later, I would pop the question. But I had to get down on my knee(s) to get an answer!
As for his wife’s strongest asset, the lawyer admits that “She may appear shy but she speaks her mind and would really take you to task if need be. I like that.”
Janet Rosell-Tolete is associate editor of Health & Home.
Do-It-Yourself
Travel By JAMES M. FAJARITO
M
Kayangan LaKe. An adventurer’s Coron trip would not be complete without taking the long trek to visit this beauty.
y wife and I have explored and enjoyed amazing tourist destinations in our country without the aid of a travel agency. Yes, ours is a do-ityourself travel style. We get our travel information from the Internet and just filter the data we need. Would you like to get the hang of do-it-yourself travels? Here are five travel planning tips for easy reference.
BanoL Beach. The turquoise water in Coron, Palawan, beckons travelers to swim and snorkel to their heart’s content.
1Once . Know your travel aims. your destination is set (e.g., Coron), write down your
2Given . Choose your hotel. that too many accommodations fight for your attention,
picking one could be exhausting. So draw up your criteria first (in our case its strategic location, value for money, good service, secure place), then look for hotels that match your criteria. Get feedbacks about hotel service from former guests. You may choose your hotel online by way of reservation sites, or you can use Google to refer to travel sites, like TripAdvisor, that provide tips from well-meaning tourists. Be smart enough, however, to distinguish honest comments from sneaky promotion.
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Illustrations/Vecteezy.com
The good thing about a working itinerary is that you can prepare your budget and have a back-up plan if the tourist spot is unexpectedly unavailable or too crowded.
Photos/Cariñez Dela Cruz-Fajarito
target spots. With blogs and websites flooding the Internet that recount do-it-yourself travels complete with pictures, itineraries, and actual budgets, you can specifically choose where you want to go, decide how much money to allocate, and anticipate what to wear, bring, and expect. Travel destinations differ in many ways such as location and types of tourist sites. Decide whether you prefer visiting churches, climbing hills, exploring islands, or buying pasalubongs.
Summer and Black Sand Artwork By JOHANNA C. GALLERMO
It’s summer!
Oh, how I love this season of the year! When I was a child many summers ago, I had lots of time to play or go for a vacation. Most of all, summer was the best time to go to the beach. I still love summers and beaches even today. In fact, every time I get the chance to go to the beach, I see to it that I bring home more than a handful of sand. I even have a collection of white, gray, and black sands. Have you ever marvelled at how sand colors vary? We must understand first that sand grains are fine fragments of rocks, minerals, and corals broken down by friction and the force of the crashing waves. Sand color, therefore, is due to the kind of minerals, rocks, or corals a particular sand is composed of. A white sand beach could be laden with a lot of quartz—a light-colored mineral and some pulverized dead corals. On the other hand, darker sand beach could have magnetite, a magnetic mineral. Meanwhile, a black sand beach could be due to the presence of volcanic sediments. Magnetite reminds me of the sand and magnet experiment we had in grade school. This inspired me to come up with this project I will share with you. It is a bit challenging, but it’s worth trying to get you occupied during your summer free time.
Materials Magnetite sand Acetate Magnet Fixative (available at art supplies stores) Procedure 1. You may conceptualize a simplified design first, like a silhouette of a cat, mouse, or just simply come up with a spontaneous pattern as you drag the magnet along. 2. On a piece of acetate, place a portion of sand. Place the magnet underneath and drag the sand forming a portion of your design. Hold it and spray fixative to hold the exact position of the sand. You have to execute your design by portion, otherwise the sand will mess up when you spray with fixative. So just spray where the magnet holds. 3. Once your design is through, you can fold the edges of the acetate so you can mount it on the wall without a frame.
References 1 http://beachmeter.com/sandcolor-beaches/ 2 http://scienceline.ucsb.edu/ getkey.php?key=77
Johanna C. Gallermo is art director of Health & Home.
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Death and Love in Marriage: What should I look for in a future spouse?
Photo/pixabay.com
By RICA PERALEJO-BONIFACIO
S
ome young men were in a mentoring session with my husband, Joseph, when I arrived. As I waited for them to finish, one of them took the liberty and asked me, “What should we look for in a future spouse?” In my head I was answering, “A lot.” But then a quick scan of the last six years I’ve spent as a wife told me it doesn’t have to be too many different things, and it doesn’t even make for a list of exemplary qualities. It is actually simple: She only needs to be someone who can die to herself. Now I said it was simple, but I never mentioned anything about it being easy. Marriage is hard work, after all.
Poster bed frames
I was looking at bed frames the other day when I saw this gorgeous poster
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bed made out of hardwood. I elbowed Joseph to check it out and said, “Isn’t this lovely?” He answered, “I don’t like poster beds, remember?” I said, “But I do! And because we are one, you now like it, too!” And he replied, “No, because we are one, that means you don’t like it, too.” I know this sounds hilarious but just think about it. In matters where there are no right and wrong answers (and oh boy, so many marital situations are of this kind!), someone just has to die to himself…or herself. We can only choose one thing, and it is either we like poster bed frames or we don’t like poster bed frames. Because if we insist on what we individually like, this means we’d have to sleep on different beds, possibly even in different rooms, every night. And if that happens, that would make us look more like dorm mates than a married couple, right?
Beyond poster bed frames
But bed frames are too small a matter, perhaps. Let’s try another scenario. I wanted to pursue a passion back in 2013, but my husband didn’t feel it was safe for me to do it without him. At that time, he was too busy to accompany me so I was left with the choice of doing it without him or not doing it all.