Cooking

Grape Expectations by Max Crus

Tax to the max the name of the game.

There are only two certainties in life, they say : death and taxes, which is where it all goes wrong. From a young age kiddies are told that both are bad, which is not true, depending on your religion. It’s just terrible marketing and leads us to the current pressure from the press for the government to do something about tax cuts promised by the former government. The only choice apparently is to be called a liar and untrustworthy by breaking an election pledge or labelled stupid by cutting taxes for the rich. Okay, the conservatives say the rich need tax cuts. How can money trickle down to the plebs if the rich have to throw more at the ATO and jeopardise their lease on the Bentley? However where the marketing is going wrong is the message that only people earning up to $200,000 per year get the cuts ($9,000 if you earn that fgure compared to the average of $1,250ish). This is complete rubbish. EVERYONE gets the tax cuts including billionaires, you nongs. “Struth” say the conservatives, “what’s $9,000? Barely a day’s pay for junior KC”.

Clearly what we need to do is rebrand tax as a good thing and encourage people to want to pay more, not less. One way to achieve this would be a contest to see who can pay the most. Make people proud to pay and reward them by naming and claiming things after big taxpayers rather than shaming them for not, as we try, unsuccessfully, to do now. For instance if you pay a certain amount you get a building or street named after you. A bit more, a whole block, perhaps a suburb or even city? ‘Murdochtown’? Hmmm, is that Canberra already? The uber rich could strive for a whole state. ‘Cliveland’? Perhaps if you become the top tax payer for a decade, they could name the country after you for a bit! ‘Ginaralia’? For lesser types like us, maybe they could name laws, or government departments or better yet, taxes themselves? I ‘bags’ the WET tax (Wine Equalisation Tax), henceforth re-named the Max Tax. I could live with that and contribute to the nation’s wellbeing, if not my own, with each and every bottle.

Phil and Thrope Eden Valley ‘Hughesy’s’

Riesling 2022, $18. Yes, the name is a dead give-away. Phil is the guy with the money and Thrope gives it away. Bit like our household. Funraiser (and fundraiser) for the Foundation Barossa, from ‘Hughesy’ of Rieslingfreak fame, so it’s also pretty smart riesling. 9.3/10.

Phil and Thrope Barossa Shiraz, 2020, $19.

The red sibling is “a three-barrel blend selected from our Bultawilta, Horse Paddock and House on the Hill Blocks”, which sounds like a modern marketing load of horse s*&% and bollocks, but so what? Do something nice while enjoying yourself. Another 9.2/10.

Greenskin wine.com Margaret River Sauvignon Blanc

2021, $18. As modern as wine gets so strap in, this is the future. 750ml compressed into the least amount of packaging possible, weighing little more than the liquid itself, with a ‘return to sender’ bag included. Great stuff as is the wine itself. Good value, bright, fresh WA SB. Get on board. 9.3/10.

Greenskin wine.com Margaret River Cabernet

Sauvignon 2019, $33. There’s eight in the range thus far, and a six-pack is about half the size of a glass one, so just chuck it in ya bag and you’re off. They won’t break even if you’re rough as guts while the wine itself is nothing like that. They pour beautifully, although don’t squeeze too hard. But even that’s fun! They’ve even got ‘best before’ dates! 9.4/10.

3 Drops Great Southern

Chardonnay 2020, $30. Old school chardonnay and a delight. Bit oaky, bit nutty, bit WA, what more do you want? To pay more tax? The stuff they used to serve at gallery openings and should

3 Drops Great Southern Shiraz 2018, $28.

Three drops are enough to get some DNA but you need a hundred for a decent taste, and the smell is alluring enough that you will want much more. Tannic and warm but inviting. 9.2/10.