The land of milk and money.

Apparently, there’s a kerfuffe about a new-ish product on supermarket shelves and the dairy industry would be ropable except they’re part of the problem.

Yes, toddler milk is the latest craze for busy, lazy and uninformed parents and the whole concept of milk is again threatened.

The bearded-hipster notion that if you squeeze something hard enough you get vegan milk really gets on the goat of the milk industry, whether it’s from a goat or not, but toddler milk raises that Milky Bar to new heights.

(Oxford Landing) One to One SA Cabernet Sauvignon 2021, $20. Like toddler milk, the new face of Oxford Landing’s lightweight bottle also weighs about 900grams, but costs half as much. Better still, it has about a tenth of the residual sugar of toddler milk and is vegan friendly to boot.

Naturally not even the dairy industry believes toddlers are harmed in making toddler milk, although toddlers will be harmed if it’s used as directed, according to nutritionists. It’s got twice the sugar of cow’s milk, on kids. 8.9/10.

(Oxford Landing) One to One SA Shiraz 2021, $20. One reason shiraz is such a favourite in Australia is even relatively cheap ones are pretty serviceable, as is this. It’s a bit ‘bulk wine’ in attitude but you wouldn’t knock it back at a barbecue. 9/10.

(Oxford Landing) One to average.

That’s average cows and average toddler milks of which there are almost as many because the above parents can’t get enough of it.

However do toddlers really need milk? Probably not, but we’ve been feeding it to them for millennia, and they’ve survived.

Toddler milk though is very different. We never had rubbish like that as

For the Crus household this was the pick of the fve options which includes chardonnay and merlot. Simple but smart enough stuff and if you close your eyes and think of England you can smell the rose petals mentioned on the label. 9.1/10.

Tamburlaine Organic Wines Orange Wine kids, although…what’s the difference between toddler milk and regular milk with a teaspoon of Milo?

Thanks for asking. As it happens, quite a bit. Peters Ice Cream bragged it was the “health food of a nation”, until they were told not to because it wasn’t, but toddler milks have found a way around the rules! Allegedly it helps with Immune Support, Cognitive Function, Energy

Blanc 2022, $39. The name is a dead giveaway to an older time when ‘O’rings were made of wood, ice cream was good for you and sav blanc was king and called funny things like fumé blanc. Delicious nostalgia in every glass. 9.4/10.

Tamburlaine Organic Wines Orange Wine

Metabolism (whatever that is), Healthy Vision, etc, but then so does water.

Another difference is the dose. One toddler milk brand suggests 7 scoops (not teaspoons, SCOOPS) per serve, 3 times a day!

Mum belted us with the wooden spoon if we put 7 teaspoons of milo in a glass of milk, and we were sent to boarding school to be smartened up if we had 3 in one day…every day.

Sauvignon 2018, $48? We seldom get to taste older versions of wines alongside their current vintage, as Ms L. says, “you have to wait for delayed gratifcation”, and we can’t. But thanks to Tamburlaine’s generosity, we didn’t have to delay anything. Perhaps we will in future. Both are lovely but this is darker, softer nais se que. 9.4/10.

Then there’s the cost. A tin of toddler tincture (all are 900grams btw - hmm, cartelism?), costs about $40. You get a Tonka-tiptruck of Milo for that.

So many parents must be so tired if they are falling for this marketing espionage, it’s no wonder they reach for a glass of wine after the kids are in bed, it’s cheaper and better for you.

Tamburlaine Organic Wines Orange Wine Region Reserve Syrah 2022, $48. Thank goodness for air-conditioning or we wouldn’t enjoy big reds on hot days, and what fun would that be? Perfect wine for streaming yet another cop show on a steaming night in summer.