Burning The Edges. Pt 1
Their lovemaking had been intense, although only one of them felt that way. To the other, it was just sex, unremarkable and cheerless, but necessary to maintain a semblance of normality and useful for relieving stress. Meredith Bower had never quite fitted in. For most of her twenty nine years she had sensed what went on around her, that considered normal, everyday life, was somehow disconnected from her. It was if she stood apart, a minor player in the scheme of things, watching as everything went on around her but never touching her. She was seven when she realised her true sexual identity and eleven when she felt the first stirrings of desire. Over time she’d had many lovers; she had a high libido and used women as a commodity, quickly becoming bored and moving on. The one thing she seemed incapable of was love. Not even her parents or her siblings elicited anything more than dutiful affection. Her partner in the riotously disordered bed wanted to cuddle. Meredith closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. It was always like this and she detested it. The urge to leave the bed and shower before ushering her partner from her quarters was almost overwhelming, but, for appearances, which were vitally important to her, Meredith swallowed her irritation and allowed herself to be embraced. It was an effort to disguise her true feelings-to force her body to relax-but it wasn’t as if this was the first time she’d ever had to do it. Careful to avoid getting a reputation as a shallow, cavalier user, Meredith always made sure her lovers were well satisfied, certainly no one could accuse her of sexual selfishness, but as diligent as she was it was inevitable that word would get around. It was unavoidable on a Starship. People gossiped; it was simply the way things were. However something had changed, something Meredith found amazing and new and astonishing and somehow absurd. Meredith was in love. It had taken several weeks for her to finally discover what these new and disturbing feelings were all about. At first she didn’t recognise what was happening. The object of her fascination seemed to occupy her thoughts constantly although that in itself wasn’t so unusual. In her pursuit of women she often obsessed over them until they submitted but this was something entirely different and, when she eventually came to the obvious conclusion she was stunned. The more she thought about it, the more she was reminded of the only time she’d felt anything for a partner. That the woman had remained Meredith’s companion as long as she had was testament to just how much Meredith cared for her. At the time, Meredith had thought herself in love, but she had been proved wrong. Her partner cheated on her, making Meredith believe she couldn’t have been in love as she would’ve