Woman Worthy: Holidays need not be so hectic

Been There, Done That

Written by PAULETTE LEE

Over the course of the 36 years I spent with my late husband – who had custody of his two children – I planned and executed about 150 holiday meals or observances (that would be Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Easter, not counting parties, birthdays and anniversaries), many of which included extended family or “orphaned” friends, and many of which included hauling everyone out of town to visit relatives. In our family, the holidays were often fraught with stress, as they involved sharing with the children’s birth mother, requiring my stepchildren to take round trip flights solo to California from wherever we were living, and then returning with the attendant emotional baggage of a difficult custody arrangement.

Frankly, once the children had passed into puberty, Christmas was more drudgery than anything else, and the best Christmas was when my husband and I “escaped” together to New Orleans. Once there were grandchildren, there was a return of delight in family gatherings – though familial emotional scars always threatened to resurface.

And then, once my husband passed in 2010, I became the “orphan.” There was a decided shift in family dynamics and I increasingly found myself alone for the holidays. Some I’ve spent traveling abroad, some I’ve spent with friends or extended family whose kindness I appreciated (though I’d actually rather be with them when it’s not a holiday), and several I’ve spent alone, just ignoring that it’s supposed to be a “holiday.” It’s been those that I’ve liked the most, because there’s no pressure, no stress, no reason to succumb to the demand to “Buy, buy, buy,” no feeling out of place in someone else’s family situation, where I really don’t belong.

Of course, I understand that for many older adults, the holidays are great times to get together with and enjoy family or close friends, especially this post-COVID year, but for those who may be alone, there are some good options.

Personally, I think the week between Christmas and New Year’s is a perfect time to travel: the prices are down, and the entire Southern Hemisphere is weather-friendly. If you don’t mind the cold, the colorful Christmas markets in Europe – especially France, Germany and Belgium – are a lot of fun. While I’m a fan of independent, solo travel, there are a myriad of tours and cruises geared to senior singles. There are also community activities in which you can get engaged and that can help you sail through. It’s also a good time to get caught up on those online courses you’ve been meaning to take, or that project or book you’ve wanted to tackle…that foreign language or new skill you’ve been wanting to learn… that home improvement chore just made for winter…that museum you’ve been wanting to visit…or the memoir you’ve been putting off writing.

As for the day itself, if you’re home alone and everything is closed, why not just enjoy your own company (or that of your favorite streaming network)? You know, after all, it really is just another day.

Paulette Lee is a former award-winning broadcast journalist and retired nonprofit and international development communications consultant. She lives in Hagerstown, MD and hosts the weekly audio podcast, “WomanWorthy: Real Talk About Real Issues for Women Over 60” online at womanworthy.podbean.com, or on most podcast apps.

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