Special Edition: The "Self-Care" Issue

IMAGE HER SELF-CARE ISSUE Vol 1 Issue 3

Slaying in HER Sickness

SEPTEMBER 2018 VISIT HERIMAGE.ORG

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HER I M A G E

Behind The Scenes

Publisher HER IMAGE Editor EDISHIA ROUNDTREE Contributing Writers EDISHIA ROUNDTREE MICHELLE WYNN MELINDA LUMPKIN TAHARA SARON FAITH SAXTON DIMOND MICHELLE PATRIANA JONES HER IMAGE MAG HERIMAGE.ORG LETTERS TO EDITOR INFO@HERIMAGE.ORG A MAGAZINE FOR BLACK FEMINISTS

HER STORY SEPTEMBER 2018 VOLÂ 1 | ISSUE 3

HER IMAGE EXCLUSIVE MEET ASHLEIGH KIRKLIN SELF CARE SAVED MY LIFE #SLAYINGINMYSICKNESS

Cover Photography by Brenton Jomar of 20SUMN

25 28 29 32

1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Where our vision, meets...

HER IMAGE

EST. SEP 2017

6 HERIMAGE.ORG | SEPTEMBER 2018

INSIDE HER IMAGE 9 11 12 17 21

Letters From The Editor

Why self-care is important to the Ladies of Her Image

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SEPTEMBER 2018 VOL 1 | ISSUE 3

VOICES OF HER Cara Ratcliff POET IN THE SPOTLIGHT

Keepin' Up w/ HER

From orgasm to selfemployment

Fem&Well 5 women share why self-care and healing is important for black women

35 HER Tribe Book Club

The "Mental Plague" with Psychologist Faith Saxton

Fashion

Kicking off the first month of book club with the self care bible

The self-care subscription you've been missing

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P & P Hacks

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3 ways to make self-care a habit

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37

Fashion blogger uses fashion as an act of self-care

Feminism

How being a black feminist is the ultimate self-care rebellion

Hood Horoscope VIRGO! It's Your Brrrrrr, Its Your Birthday!

SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 7

LET'S HEAR IT FROM HER

We love hearing from Her Tribe.

Keep sharing your thoughts with us for a chance to be featured.

H E R

V I E W

HER THOUGHTS OF AUGUST ISSUE

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ALL YOU HAVE TO There is something special about each issue. That has everything to do with why we're digital. DO IS CLICK IT! Our issue's are INTERACTIVE!

LETTER FROM THE LADIES OF HER IMAGE

S

entimental eptember

This issue isn’t meant to make you sympathize, rather inspire you to live at peak performance through acts of self care + self love. Here at Her Image, we are huge advocates of self care, especially for WOC. While brainstorming the themes for our issues we knew right away we wanted to dedicate an issue to all things self-care based. At that very moment, everything just started coming together. We learned that September 2018 just happened to be the 2nd annual self-care awareness month and that just made perfect sense for us.

Immediately, we commenced planning for the September Issue because we wanted to make sure this one was sentimental, because that’s how we felt about self care.

Her Image chief editor & CEO didn’t waste any time determining the perfect Cover Queen for our self-care Issue; Youtuber, Influencer and the iconic woman behind the campaign #SlayInYourSickness, Ashleigh Kirklin. HER Story will surely take you through a rollercoaster of emotions,

while making you feel guilty for even considering pity because by the end of this read, we promise that she will inspire you to live your best life; regardless of whatever circumstances you’re enduring that the world attempts to convince you is meant to restrict you.

The self-care coverage persists with the “Queen of Candid”, Patriana Jones, who so boldly urges us to get real about sex and self-care on page 11. Then we have “The Mental Plague” on page 17, by Psychologist Faith Saxton, who shares indisputable facts and tips related to depression and mental health awareness in the black community.

As we are still in the beginning stages of growth with our Magazine, we are excited about how things are going and will continue to go with the support and assistance of HER, of YOU! Her Image magazine was created as a reminder to all WOC that regardless of what the world presents of us, we are worthy and capable. Our platform is for the millennial woman that has an undying desire to become the woman of her dreams in a world filled with hatred, cruelty & a desire to keep us restricted of resources because black women hold a special place on earth.

YOU HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE! Thank you for coming on this journey with us and we hope you enjoy this issue just as much as we enjoyed creating it for HER! SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 9

KEEPIN' UP W/ HER

... self-love isn’t inherit to humans after we are born.

We are conditioned, in fact, to dislike ourselves.

After all, capitalism thrives off insecurity.

- Patriana Jones

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F

ROM ORGASM TO SELFEMPLOYMENT

We Keep It Candid was birthed as a result of a orgasm, truth be told. I was about to be turning 23 years old and for the first time in my life, I had a fulfilling and rich sex life. I wasn’t faking orgasms, I wasn’t crying myself to sleep off some cheating dude, I wasn’t avoiding mirrors because I couldn’t face the depression in the eyes that stared back at me.

No, I was happy. I was healthy, happy, and humping my nights away with a partner who worshipped the sounds of my moans. My skin was glowing, blessings flowing, and inner peace showing.

Prior to reaching that point in life, however, I had seen some pretty dark days. From overcoming a physically abusive relationship to hating the very skin I lived in, there was a point in life I cried to the skies, asking to be born again as someone else. But through a lot of self care, unpacking, and learning the art of transparency and vulnerability, I slowly acquired the tool of self love. I say acquire because self-love isn’t inherit to humans after we are born. We are conditioned, in fact, to dislike ourselves. After all, capitalism thrives off insecurity.

Where would our top industries of beauty and ‘‘wellness’’ be without insecurities? So alas, after a lot of years spent in turmoil and disdain for myself, and of allowing others to treat me the way I felt about myself I discovered a beautiful novel called "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron.

Essentially this book acts as a three month program that gives its readers tools, exercises, and encouragement to face the demons of their past and heal their inner child in order to create from a place of love and acceptance. So that was the turning point for me in my personal life and We Keep It candid was birthed shortly thereafter.

We Keep It Candid is a social platform which promotes progressive interactions between people of color by cultivating innovative spaces where healthy dialogue can occur. We are most known for our forums on taboo topics that explore sex, sexuality, dating, and relationships. We curate game based interactive forums that encourage people to explore the deepest parts of themselves, tell their story, and learn to define themselves on their own terms, without the influence of societal expectations. It is healing grounds for the black woman being told she is the least desired and least protected. For the black woman too afraid to masturbate. For the black woman seeking outwardly for answers that are already within her.

I didn’t mean for We Keep It Candid to become what it is. We started off in my living room just talking about double standards and our narratives. And then boom, it became this hot forum that was bringing out people in large numbers and packing out spaces. It has been quite interesting watching the platform evolve, shape, and brand itself over the months. Constantly changing and bringing in such diverse narratives and people. It has ultimately just helped me so much to grow as a person and as a woman. I learn the art of communication more and more with every forum that passes. It never fails to amaze me just how much of a monolith we are NOT as humans. Ultimately I hope that We Keep It Candid can continue to grow and be a safe space for people to unpack the deepest parts of themselves. I want for it to be a ‘‘self care’’ practice for others. Like, ‘‘oh I need some self care in my life, let me go to this keeping it candid form’’. Haha, but seriously self care is so important.

Whether it’s a bubble bath, a business plan you’ve been sitting on, masturbation, or leaving your toxic ass partner alone...practice it always!

FEM&WELL

SS

ELF-CARE EPTEMBER WE INTERVIEWED 5 LADIES THAT LIVE, EAT, SLEEP SELFCARE. HERE'S WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY ABOUT WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANTÂ FOR ALL BLACK WOMEN TO PROGRESSIVELY PRACTICE SELF-CARE

EBONY LOVE Mental illness is real, and to prevent certain disorders, self-care is a must! So, to all the black women out there, I want you to remember that its okay to take time for self-care. Although we take pride in being so well-rounded and stupendous, indulging in self-care is a necessity and doesn’t discredit who we are as women. In fact, it makes us better!

Why is healing important for black women?

EYE CHOOSE @_eyechoose Why is self-care so important for black women?

Self-Care is extremely important for black women because for one, we are super-women. By super-women, I mean, we are always doing a thousand and one things for other people and making sure that everyone else is taken care of. Black women are the epitome of strength, love and a host of other things. In my opinion, we are natural born caregivers/nurturers and a lot of us love on other people to the point that sometimes we forget about ourselves. For me, it comes like second nature to be there for others and take care of those that are around me. It wasn’t until maybe a few years ago that I realized the importance of self-care and now I know that if I don’t take care of me, there is no way that I can be there for anyone else.

For example, if I am a water bottle, but I am empty, it is impossible for me to provide water for the person next to me. Therefore, I must fill up so that I can properly pour into them. I mean, shoot, even batteries need to be recharged, so why don’t we? Aside from being there for other people, a woman must realize that she is important within herself, so that she can treat herself as such. Understanding self-worth allows me to understand that I need to take time out for self-care. It ultimately starts in the mind of the woman in the mirror, and her perception of the person staring directly back at her.

Black women, a lot of times, are so strong mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally that we think we can handle everything until we get to the “breaking point”. Yes, we are looked at as such amazing warriors (which we are), but knowing when to take a mental break and when to take time out for self is extremely important.

As black women, a lot of us tend to hold on to hurt and pain. For example, we harbor the hurt of someone doing us wrong or breaking our hearts, to the point where lack of forgiveness lies dormant within us. That’s not okay. I am literally trying to formulate my words to say what my heart is feeling regarding healing, because it is so important. Many black women still have unresolved issues from childhood that are negatively being expressed in different ways as an adult because the proper healing never occurred. Often, we subconsciously internalize hurt and appear to have moved past it, but in reality, it still sits on our hearts or the back of our minds. Think about the beautiful queen, Erykah Badu’s song, “Bag Lady” and what she said about carrying too much stuff. To me, that’s like holding on to things that only weighs you down and hinders you from moving at the pace that you should.

Therefore, letting go, forgiving and getting the proper healing is extremely important. Black women are very significant and play a huge role in society. If we are not intentional about being healed in those dark places, that leaves room for unwanted vulnerability.

What do you do to heal and care for yourself?

What role do these play in your life?

To care for myself, I write, read and just sit down and be still. There are times when I put my phone aside, light a few candles and just relax. Going to sit by water is also calming for me when I have a lot of things on my mind.

Sitting by nature or going to the park to walk is a way that I clear my head and take time out for me. Just being alone with myself and God, doing whatever I’m in the mood to do, is a form of self-care for me. Of course, going to get a pedicure or a massage is always a plus for self-care. To heal, I pray, read, write, reflect, address the wounded area and converse with my mentor depending on what I’m healing from. There are so many things that I do for selfcare and healing, but it all comes down to taking time out to do something for myself that enables me to keep going in life and properly fulfill purpose. Healing and self-care both play a huge role in my life, because they help me stay afloat.

SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 13

What does Self Care mean to you and why is it important?

Self-care is paying close attention to yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually and knowing what works for you. It is the maintenance of self. We know what it takes to maintain our vehicle. We know what type of gas it requires, and when the oil or tires need to be changed. We know when it’s time to take it in for service. We understand that these things are important for us to continue to use our vehicle to get from point A to point B. The same concept applies to us. Self care is having that same awareness of self. Knowing our “specifications’ and making sure those needs are meet is important to our health and happiness.

What is your opinion on Self Healing and what does it take to heal from past traumas?

The mindfulness that you need to heal is medicinal in itself.

The awareness is the most important part. Our society forces us to skip over this part, instead we are taught to just ignore it and push it under the rug. Therefore, we walk around with open wounds. We can’t allow our image to keep us from healing. Healing does not happen overnight and it does get ugly but it is a necessary process.

How does self-care and healing play a part in the dynamic of being a black woman?

We as melanated women must acknowledge that we are not superwomen. We must become more comfortable asking for help and stop putting on a front for others. We wear our cape and mask just to appease other people and uphold the social standards. Sometimes, you don’t feel like putting on your straight wig or using your phone voice. Continuing to uphold this role is neglecting our soul. We must not allow the image that society wants us to portray to over power our needs as a feminine spirit. This isn’t easy for us because we have not been given permission to be vulnerable. There is so many rules that we are facing. That is why we have to create our own safe places where we can be and accept who we are. From there we can heal and/or prevent damage to our mental, spiritual, and physical self.

I know that you own and operate a holistic business, do you offer any services related to healing?

I know that all women experience different things, so many of my products and services are customizable. We do offer yoni steams that can be charged with specific crystals based on needs. We also offer customizable healing boxes that can be used for meditation and healing rituals.

14 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

MYLA BLACK

CEO COCO HUSH @queen_goddess_black

IMANI BLAIZE CO-FOUNDER SIMPLYSOULSISTERS @IMANIBLAIZE

Why is self-care important to you?

Self care is more than just a trend for me, it’s a movement. Its my way of life. So often we neglect ourselves, giving more attention to our daily grind than we do ourselves when we ourselves are the most important. If you don’t take that time for yourself you will burn out and you will lose yourself in the process.

Should self-care be important to black women especially?

It is especially important for BLACK women to practice self care because we need it the most in my opinion. In a world that barely loves us, we need to know how to love ourselves.

Black women who self care have a more intimate relationship with themselves and they are able to find the source of any incomplete feeling they may have. When you’re so busy taking care of everything but yourself you begin to feel bad for yourself and pity your situation instead of just giving yourself a little bit of love. Self care allows you to be content in loving yourself when it feels like nobody else does.

What does your self-care routine consist of?

I do SelfCareSunday weekly, this is my time to love myself.

I first wake up and make myself a detailed breakfast and then I spend some time doing yoga or simply meditating.

After meditating I tend to my skin by exfoliating and doing a face mask. I also do a manicure and pedicure and deep condition my hair. That evening I make a tasty meal and I prepare my mind for the week. SelfCareSunday is essential for anyone wanting to start off the week with a clear mind, clear scalp, and clear skin.

PRISCILLA BONILLA

MOTHER & SPIRITUAL GAWDESS Why is self-care and healing important to you?

Healing is important to me because it leads you on a path to self-actualization. In order for me to heal I have to look in the mirror and find my wounds. This journey isn’t an easy one. Because apart of healing is accepting what has taken place. Sometimes it’s easier to brush things off than to accept what I feel. Even though it isn’t easy I was fulfilled once I allowed myself to heal. I am still healing and I will continue to because I’m evolving. Healing has allowed me to be free mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It has allowed me to accept who I truly am and accept everyone else too.

Do you believe self-care should be essential for all black women?

Why is it if when we hurt ourselves physically we look to be healed? We go to the doctor, we seek a bandaid, take a day off or have some additional rest. But if we hurt ourselves mentally, emotionally, or spiritually we neglect it. Because in order to heal you have to show vulnerability and humility. That is one thing black women don’t want to show. We think it’s weak if we do. I think healing is important for Black women because we often feel like we have to be strong. But fail to realize that healing requires strength and courage. As a black woman we face more ridicule, disrespect, and judgment. You’re constantly having to prove yourself or be better. Which has caused us to stop empowering one another. If black women took the time to heal themselves, then we could be more compassionate, optimistic, have more self-esteem and generousity. It would make a difference in how you see and love yourself. It will also impact how you treat other black women. We have to be the examples for our daughters, sisters, grandkids, and friends. We have to be the difference we want to see. Just remember if one part of us isn’t healed our whole being suffers!

16 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

MELANIN MAGIC ON-DEMAND

NEVER LET SELF-CARE GET AWAY FROM YOU AGAIN SisterBoxes is a subscription box that keeps melanin beauties and their well-being in mind. We are not your normal subscription box, what makes us a different you ask? WE SUPPORT SMALL BLACK BUSINESSES! Nothing in our box is donated because we believe in helping our small businesses grow and glow. We want to get new and innovative products in front of the right audience, so we are here to not only help market businesses within our community, but to assist consumers in finding products that work for them at a minimal cost.

We created this box as entrepreneurs ourselves who let “self-care” get away from us, then we stepped back, regained our life and BOOM SisterBoxes was created. Self-care is not something that is widely discussed or celebrated in our community, yet it is something that is very important, so here we are raising awareness to those who may not realize the importance of it.

When you think of our box, you should think “self-care” dripping in melanin. Each month, our subscribers will get 3-5 items, and a great mix of full sized and sample sized items.

Our bi-monthly boxes can include (but definitely not limited to): · Lip balms · Body butters · Bath bombs · Printed screen tee’s · Skin care · Face care · Full body care · …and much more

Co-Founders: Jessica (Jess) Moore | LaQuisha (Qui) Moore SISTERBOXES.COM | @SISTERBOXES

Are you a small business wanting to get in our box? Shoot us an email: info@sisterboxes.com with "GET IN" in the subject line.

THE DOPEST SELF-CARE BOX OUT

SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 17

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS

A

Are You An

IT'S OKAY TO OWN YOUR ANGER, AS LONG AS YOUR ANGER ISN'T A RESULT OF SELFINFLICTED WOUNDS. THOSE WOUNDS YOU HAVE CONTROL OF.

- EDISHIA ROUNDTREE

ngry Mad

BLACK

Woman

... a study published by the Center for Disease Control states depression can affect between 17-20 million people in the United States, with African American women significantly reporting major depression than whites. The most staggering number is that only 8% of African Americans actually seek treatment for mental health versus the 13.6 percent of the overall population.

FAITH SAXTON

MEET

Faith Saxton, born in Washington D.C and raised in the home of the best blue crabs around, Maryland. Her background in mental health consists of internships at children’s Psychiatric wards, in- home services for children with extreme behavior issues, to currently working as a case worker for the state of Maryland’s Dept. of Health and Mental Hygiene. She attended Liberty University in 2010 and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Human Development & Counseling Psychology. She also received a Master’s of Arts in Human Services Counseling: Crises Response and Trauma. Currently, she is attending Penn State for a Master level Behavior analyst certificate program to fulfill her long-term goal of becoming an Applied Behavior Analysist. @SAXTONICOLE

SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 21

A

s a mental health professional, I am passionate about behaviors and the importance of taking care of an individual’s mental wellbeing.

As a black woman I am an advocate of the empowerment of black queens, and love to see women find their worth to fulfill the greater manifestation within themselves. Both of which should go hand in hand. Black women are strong human beings that have so much value, and often fail to see it due to stigmas thrust upon us by societal norms, and let’s be honest: maybe even our families, friends and oftentimes ourselves. We are told many times that we cannot be a lot of things, don’t speak on certain subjects, but this can lead to a deadly cycle of suppressed feelings.

Ladies let’s be honest! we get tired, worn down, we have ranges of emotions and feelings that we oftentimes ignore or push aside due to the demands of life; whether it be school, your business, duties as a wife or motherhood. Sometimes it can even be hard to process the meaning behind our emotions. We all have stress, and it is important to take the time out to uplift our sisters and build them up to promote positive mindset changes. Our minds our powerful- it’s what guides us, we are ordained with knowledge to be able to conquer what we put our minds to. Black women are unique in structure, but we oftentimes fail to discuss the deep dark secret of what’s known as mental health, to remind us that sometimes its ok to not be ok.

So, what’s this self-care that everyone speaks of?

And why is it important to us as black women? Well, these questions can be answered once we take the time to identify and educate ourselves on the stigmas behind mental health within the black community. Let’s look at some facts: According to the United States Dept. of Health, African Americans are 30% more likely to report having serious psychological distress than NonHispanic whites. Believe it or not, depression has increased drastically in the African American community, especially among women. Some figures vary of course, however a study published by the Center for Disease Control states depression can affect between 17-20 million people in the United States, with African American women significantly reporting major depression than whites. The most staggering number is that only 8% of African Americans actually seek treatment for mental health versus the 13.6 percent of the overall population.

Proper mental health care is so vital that without it, we fail to recognize the need and the proper ways to deal with it. It takes a certain vulnerability to admit that you’re not ok, to share the deepest darkest worries, concerns, and fear, but I can’t stress enough. ITS OK, TO NOT BE OK! I have personally dealt with anxiety and panic attacks since my teenage years. I often found myself in a dark place just stressed, a place that was hard for me to try and explain to others, because frankly, I couldn’t understand the emotions myself. I was raised in a religious home, where you were always taught “just give it to God”, “stop worrying” or my personal favorite- “just get over it”.

As I grew, my family meant well, however I also had an understanding that even with a religious mindset/background, that many times people still need more support than that. A concept that the black community oftentimes forgets. I was on and off medication. I had seen a therapist and counselors and to be honest I didn’t like it at first. However, I hated the thought of being “numb” by medications more, and I knew that wasn’t a life I wanted to live. I was in constant anguish and worry and I wasn’t expressing myself. I felt like I was literally going insane. I needed a true understanding of healthy coping skills, and that wouldn’t change until I began the process of healing from past hurts and open up about it. The fact of the matter is Queens, there is beauty that comes within vulnerability. Growth can happen, which can promote positive change. Trust the therapeutic process. Get involved in mental health chapters and encourage your sister when you see her down. We are all a product of greatness, and sometimes we need that push to remind us that we are not alone, those feelings of anger, sadness, confusion are universal.

Here is where self-care becomes prevalent.

Self-care, in simple terms, can be described as the process of taking care of yourself. Your mind, body and spirit can become fogged and boggled with everyday stressors: we are busy, we hit the ground running to go about daily tasks and taking care of people. Self-care is a constant awareness, it is not something to do once and expect a major life change. It begins in just small tasks that will help soothe your mind and your body.

The great thing about self-care is that its universal, but also unique to you. Only you know what you need to do that makes you happy. Singing songs, starting a compliments file, maybe cutting off toxic people or expressing your emotions through art. These are simple but positive ways to take care of yourself, so that your mind does not become emotionally drained and you are always at an optimum.

If you aren’t sure how to properly distress, or still see things aren’t where it needs to be. Reach out to local support groups and remember it is ok to seek professional help. Don’t let anyone including yourself withhold or discourage the thing that you need to make you feel better. A little bit of attention to yourself will go a long way. If we truly tap into the power of what is given to us, understanding that we aren’t perfect and no matter how strong you are queen, we all need to be uplifted. Think of it like a car, without seeking proper care, getting regular oil changes, rotating tires, proper rest, tune ups etc. the car will still run, but eventually it will out run its course and breakdown. We essentially work in the same way Queens. Be a light to someone, reach out and check up on your friends, don’t always trust the “I'm ok” or “ill be fine" statements.

Remember, we all put up personas of what we want the world to see, but deep down can be crying out for help. Take care of yourself so that you can proceed in the purpose you were given.

Write it down...

This daily self care journal guides you in keeping track and reclaiming control of your life, your thoughts and ultimately your happiness.

VOICES OF HER TOO MUCH JUICE They said you were too ghetto, too obviously black as though you could hide your beauty, perfect reds and gold were always your magic.

Why apologise for what is yours, hear them say thank you to wearing yourself so well with those supernova feels you are forever entitled to feel.

Thrive in your sensitivity, named with an overcast of maybe it wasn’t meant that way but they don’t share your kink, sweet citrus skin or 4c curls to comprehend the extensions of others indiscretions.

Wear your red and gold smooth like Sade when she sang about chasing the pain away, understanding self appreciation isn’t vanity.

Soft lines for every moment of sanctuary you made for yourself with all you have to offer, worth everything.

Requited moonlights with resounding sunsets, resonating mindsets that show these men for how they adore.

To serenade us then berate us, as if it were our fault summer couldn’t last all year.

24 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

@darkskin.goldpoetry Representing women of colour, sexuality with freedom to exist as we are, there are so many positive inspirations poetry has brought to me. Poetry is my self expression where I can assertively and gently voice how I feel with meaning and love. I’ve grown up in a lesser diverse area of the Uk with my experiences of this encouraging me to write. I have a duel heritage of Bajan and Caucasian. I’ve been writing for a while, recently using social media platforms to share my new content written under the name darkskin goldpoetry. This year I had my first publication at the age of 27 with @pvssymagic for their inaugural Janelle Monáe issue.

Forgive when they kiss your lips then turn on your skin, holding your hips with love whilst telling you how to walk. Is this love?

Their mothers never showed them exotic fruits, had never tasted a sweeter juice so how could they know to taste us.

I wrote this poem about self appreciation, how even though others won’t always know how to love or appreciate your brightness or passion, you shouldn’t retreat from wearing your voice or style as you were naturally gifted with pride be it vivid or alternative to others norms.

e v i s u l c x E e g a m I r He In an exclusive interview,

Ashleigh Kirklin gets transparent and shares her story as a means to empower black women to SLAY regardless of lifes toughest circumstances. HER story serves as a reminder that a gem cannot be polished without a little friction.

Photography by Brenton Jomar of 20sumn

SLAYING IN MY SICKNESS "You have to go through some things to get to something" - Ashleigh Kirklin

MEET

A

n i l k r i K h g i e l h s A

t the young age of 23, the Virginia native was blindsided with news that would change her life forever. This discovery came at a time when things were going great, she was living what she described as her absolute best life. She had everything any young, ambitious millennial could ask for: the perfect job, the perfect relationship, a loving family, and perfect circle of friends. When she first got the feeling that something was wrong, a life threatening condition never crossed her mind.

Unfortunately, after continuously disregarding excruciating abdomen pains that eventually sent her to the ER, she was diagnosed with stage IV liver cancer in June of 2016. Still in shock and confused about the situation, questions and concern flooded her mind.

28 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

Why was this happening to me? Will I lose my hair? What did I do to deserve this form of karma? Her number one concern was having to loose her hair to Chemotherapy. She admits, that has been the most difficult part of her journey with cancer. Due to the severity of her illness, she had to travel to Duke University for treatment. She was no longer able to work and had to set boundaries around relationships to avoid harming herself and others due to the radiation treatments.

"BLACK GIRL HEAL YO-SELFCARE" VOL 1 ISSUE 3

Self-Care HER

SAVED

Life!

ASHLEIGH KIRKLIN, THE FACE OF #SLAYINGINMYSICKNESS, HAS BEEN THE EPITOME OF WHAT IT MEANS TO SLAY IN YOUR SICKNESS AS A MEANS TO PAVE THE WAY FOR NOT ONLY WOMEN SUFFERING FROM ILLNESSES BUT ALL WOMEN.

A

lthough she is still currently battling Cancer, and is in constant physical pain, she is clearly winning. Ashleigh credits self discipline and self care for allowing her to continue to slay in her sickness. Having to become her own nurse, it was up to her to determine if she would fight through this or give up. Ashleigh admits that mentally she wanted to just throw in the towel many times but the woman she is today is a beast in comparison to the old her because of what she has been through. We had the pleasure of interviewing her and here is what she had to say about confidence and self-care.

What Self-Care rituals have helped you maintain your sanity during this process?

Reading and writing. I read everything including the bible. I start my day with meditation before I even pick my phone up.

Even if you are not a spiritual person, set aside 30 minutes in the morning to speak life into your situation and the things you want to see grow. Writing! I wrote a lot. My thoughts were consumed with what if, disappointments with life and even God. The only escape was to write it out and that made me feel so much better. Beyonce’s Lemonade album + a bubble bath/spa days got me through a lot.

I realized you can get knocked down, just don’t stay down. If I didn’t use these things to free me mentally, I would have self- destructed.

30 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

What do you wish others can take away from your story?

It’s okay to not be okay. You are strong but you are not superwoman every single day. If you are hurting, say it. If you need someone, say it. Vent to a friend even if you have to tell them to just sit there and listen. If you have no one to talk to, write it down or speak it out into the world so that you can let it go but don’t just bottle it up inside. The more you bottle things inside the bigger the explosion will be. This is bigger than just cancer, this also applies to those who lose their hair to alopecia, lupus patients , or just anyone that is going through it. Do something! Keep going! You will not get through it if you just stand there in your sorrow.

People see me as such a confident warrior but what they don’t see is that I have to continue fighting for this confidence. I have to talk myself up and continuously control my thoughts. It is a process.

Tell us more about your

MANTRA

s s e n k c i s y m n i g n i y a l #S

I’ve had someone tell me you don’t act like a cancer patient! My response to that was, if God wanted me, he would have took me a long time ago. Living is my way of thanking him. I got a second chance so I’m going to take this chance and live it to the fullest.

There is no universal look or certain way that a cancer fighter should act. I’m grateful that my doctors encourage me to continue my life as normal as possible.

&

That’s what Slaying in your Sickness is all about. It encourages everyone to not allow their condition to restrict their life. It’s not even about hair, nor make-up.

I was always that girl before I found out that I was battling cancer. For others’ “slayin” may be just finding the strength to get up and make themselves a cup of tea.

Slaying in your sickness is taking care of yourself and not allowing your illness to restrict you.

She Still Continues To Slay In Her Sickness

Connect with Ashleigh @ashleighkirklin_ on Instagram and watch her as she continues to live to the fullest, serve fashion looks, and build the #SlayingInMySickness brand.

Check out her Youtube channel to hear her story first hand here.

32 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

How Does Ashleigh exemplify Respect?

Respect begins within and it is the most crucial in obtaining happiness.

Ashleigh carries herself with high esteem, pride and confidence regardless of what society says "cancer looks like".

R H

espect

eal

How Does Ashleigh exemplify Healing?

She represents the power in healing and how truly caring for self can give you the will to fight life's toughest battles.

E

mpower

How Does Ashleigh exemplify Empowerment?

She is strong enough to take her pain and make it her power as a means to empower those suffering from illnesses.

"A couple setbacks, bounce back & recover"

Pants: Nasty Gal

SEPTEMBER

HER TRIBE

BOOK CLUB September marks National Self-Care awareness month and here at Her Image, we are big advocates of self-care and self-love amongst black women. We will be celebrating and promoting self-care the entire month. The September Issue is all about self-care and we will be promoting it every single day. To kick things off with Her Tribe, our first book for the book club will be "What A Time To Be Alone" by Chidera Eggerue. We felt this book was the perfect book to start things off with a bang.

As we all know, it isn't always easy to understand your worth and value as a black woman in a world that profits off telling us who to be, how to look, how to feel, and the list goes on. This book engages us with an empowering, insightful and intimate read as this powerful woman inspires us all to take charge of our lives! Whether you are currently alone, in a relationship, or have children, expect by the end of this book, you will be both excited, empowered and "okay" with being alone.

Grab your copy here and join us in Her Tribe as we share our thoughts, motivate and inspire one another to become the best badass women we are truly meant to be.Â

SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 35

03Â WAYS TO MAKE SELF-CARE A HABIT

Pretty

&

PRODUCTIVE

HACKS

36 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

F A S H I O N T H E R A P Y S T Y L E

Y O U R

"CAUSE WHEN YOU LOOK GOOD YOU FEEL GOOD + WHEN YOU FEEL GOOD YOU LOOK BETTER"

SELFCARE

Fashion is a direct reflection of Self love because you're simply expressing how you feel through what you wear. I love Fashion! Fashion taught me there are no rules to life, self-care and fashion & you can literally dress how ever you want to! My fashion personally says that I’m very unpredictable, but I love to give a good slay. I switch up my style so much because it represents how I feel. For me to label it would be very hard. I can give you a street look then very classy, slaying vibes. Fashion to me is so much fun & we all should indulge in it. That’s how I express my creativity and my love for myself. I slay, we all slay baby!

D I M O N D

W I T H M I C H E L L E SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 37

HOT FIRE

confidence

The it color for the fall is red! This look has confidence written all over it. I paired some high waisted light washed jeans with a red bodysuit that says Cherry on it. Then I added some red hot, patent leather thigh high boots with a small patent leather bag to match. Lastly, I then added a red, fur coat and glasses to complete this all red slaying look!

Denim ... cause denim is always in. This look is featuring a bodycon, denim dress & paired with white booties.

To add a little edgyness, I paired this look with my yellow Off White belt. To complete this denim look, I am wearing white/black cat eye sunglasses.

DARING DENIM

The Mixed Print This is a camouflage t-shirt dress paired with a red plaid flannel.

Mixing prints together is one of the fall trends and also a way to manipulate your wardrobe. I then tied the flannel around my waist and to complete this look I’m wearing black converse.

MANIPULATIVE MIXED PRINT

FEMINISM

BEING A BLACK FEMINIST IS THE ULTIMATE SELFCARE REBELLION

BY EDISHIA ROUNDTREE

“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be

women wore their crowns high and their confidence

crunched into other people's fantasies for me

resonated with every man and woman whose presence

and eaten alive,” said Audre Lorde, black

they graced. It wasn’t until the early 2000s that black

feminist activist, poet, and scholar (to name a few).

The moment a black woman stepped foot on America’s soil we were stripped of our authenticity. We were dressed in sheet’s cloths and our hair was covered, and not as a means of self-care or a trend, but to conceal what made us black besides our pigmented skin. Our bodies were held captive, uncovered, and placed on display like the Mona Lisa; except inexpensive. Our emotions were disregarded, our voices were nonexistent, our bodies were not ours to own and our pain was put to shame. To be black in America was and still is a crime, but to be a black woman in America- that’s prohibited, deprived and condemned.

During slave times, whenever black women were able, they did their due diligence to manipulate their conditions to regain self-respect, formality, dignity in the names of their enslaved husbands, brother’s, children and to ultimately maintain their tainted womanhood. They were honored to put others needs before their own but nevertheless they knew that freedom meant preservation. Not just for them, but also for their emasculated men. Rebellion became more prominent than submitting and eventually black women were not only being violated sexually but physically harmed as well.

As we started to go through the process of abolishing slavery, there was hope to reclaim what made black women, BLACK women. During the 70s and 80s, black

women began experimenting more and more with manipulating their hair texture. It’s clear as day, the black community did not invent the perm. The perm was first created by German, Yes German! Hairdresser Karl Nessler as he discovered that wave patterns could be manipulated long term. It was more popular in the entertainment industry to wear make-up, weaves, and acquire surgery as a means to familiarize with what was known and what was common, to establish fame. The media started loudly verbalizing what perfect looked like and indirectly we found ourselves removing our prominent ethnic features. This was no longer a temporary act of restructuring for magazines and TV rather to feel and look like what was defined as beauty.

Today, black women where their natural hair and skin not only because it’s theirs and they have the right to, but because it has become uncommon and therefore by wearing their natural hair, they wear their fists tight and raised high- they take a knee. In other words, its rebellion and they explicitly express what it means to be black while reclaiming their identities, their wombmanhood and their true ethnicity. Alicia Keys removed the makeup, Gabrielle Union wears her natural hair on TV and Issa Rae showcases what being black in America look, sounds and feels like. So when a black woman defines herself as a black feminist it is not only to stand up for all women, not just to stand up for being black but to specify that being a real, raw, authentic black woman isn’t just a trend to make money off of, but it’s our lives, it’s who we are, what we wear, how we look and ultimately how we’re treated.

SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 39

on the go with HER! With Her Image being digital, you can always have your sister on the go. Connect with HER at anytime and anywhere. For exclusive benefits, Join Her Tribe. Met some ladies in the issue you'd like to connect with? Saw a product you are interested in trying. The magazine is interactive so its just a click away. I promise! Try it, click the computer below. Subscribe to herimage.org, follow us on Instagram, Twitter and like us on Facebook so you never miss a thing.

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SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORGÂ 41

by TAHARA SARON @BLACKGOLLLD CEO BLACKGOLD PUBLISHING

HOOD HOROSCOPE

GREETINGS Cosmic Bae! Greetings cosmic bae! How yall doing? And one time for all of my prim and proper Virgo gals, hopefully living their best versions of themselves this birthday season. OKURRRT! It’s been one hell of a Summer ladies, with more than enough memories made to take with us into the new year (and some so messy we need to take to our graves – but that’s none of my business, chile!) The real question however, is how are you all going to handle the beginning of Fall? With most of the retrogrades finally ending and those powerful effects from the eclipses that rocked our world, subsiding, we’re free to breathe easy. But for some, a clean slate isn’t always a good thing and too much time on our hands could create room for drama, conflict and idol thoughts. Don’t get lazy, baby – if we can make through this September than I promise you sis, we can make it through anything. Now, let’s get into these predictions:

VIRGO

(August 23 – September 23)

Take a deep breath with me, Virgo. Inhale… Exhale. How did that feel? Yeah, I know – feels amazing to finally be able to breathe easy! You have been through so much in the past few months that now, not even the smallest burden can get you down. You’re a warrior! And this is your season, so the effects of peace, relief and inexplicable confidence are at an all time high! And if you thought you were feeling good now, On September 9th, the moon meets the sun in a clash of energies that is literally going to light up your life. You matter sis. You are worthy. And you have made it through the mf storm! LIVE IT UP!

LIBRA

(September 24 – October 23)

Guess whose birthday is on its way? They not ready! We all know how you do when it’s your time to shine – hair on fleek, nails all the way slayed, and outfit custom designed from Milan (hey, we can dream, right?)! You deserve it. A new solar cycle begins in Libra at the beginning of your season that’s just going to add to your natural aura. Before the party begins, however, use this time to self-reflect. Do some soul searching and some self-care. You may not feel like you need it right now, but you know more than anyone, that as good as you feel when you have all of the things that you want, material things have never been enough to heal your pain. And on the high horse you’re about to ride, it’s going to be extra hard to see the hurt so do it before you hop on. Trust me on this.

SCORPIO

(October 24 – November 22)

The world isn’t as it should be, sis, and as easy as it is for you to shut those serious feelings off when you need to, this month it hasn’t been so easy to do so. The feels have been flooding your vision, clouding your thoughts and making you feel generally 42 HERIMAGE.ORG| SEPTEMBER 2018

ART BY @C.DeZanche uneasy. It’s time to not run away from these emotions but to instead utilize this moment to do something good. Donate your time to charity this month, Scorpio, or head out and help advocate for your community. Not only will you feel better, but the world will be better because you did.

SAGITTARIUS

(November 23 – December 21)

Sag, baby! How is life? Let me guess – it is what it’s always been, right? Nope! We not buying it sis! Not this month. Guess who’s feeling brand new all of a sudden! Hopeful! Optimistic!

Dare I say it – emotional (don’t shoot the messenger!). These are all great things even if you’d rather not admit it. The new moon on September 9th, is going to fortify these feelings for you as the people in your life begin to notice that new glow, too. Tell them it isn’t Fenty Trophy Wife, baby! It’s alllll you!

And I’m proud of you, girl. I know you aren’t use to the feelings but wear them for a while. Happy, looks DAMN good on you!

CAPRICORN

(December 22 – January 20)

Virgo Season is having an unexpected effect on you this month, Cap. You’re feeling unusually vitalized, optimistic and open to change! (Go figure!) This is a great time to travel and expand your horizons. Visit new places and meet new people. Take a road trip and laugh the whole way there.

But whatever you do, if you can help it, don’t stay stagnant. Take advantage of this feeling of openness.

Although you go back to being your usual self come October, the memories, the people, and all of the Snap Chat stories, of course, that you acquired along the way will always be here for you to remember this time by.

AQUARIUS

(January 21 – February 19)

Let’s get it, sis! Pump that iron! Jump that rope! Get up on your feet and twerk something – LEVEL UP, LEVEL UP, LEVEL UP! The energy is HIGH as the sun moves into Libra on September 22nd. You’re going to feel like a whole new you for the final days of this month – and that means it’s a perfect time to work on those body goals! Do you want to tone up? Flatten up? Or just work on that big ol’ booty – do it! Because more than ever before you are in the right head space to be rigorous and dedicated to bettering yourself and aligning how you feel on the inside with how you want to see yourself on the outside. I mean hey, if you ask me, you slay in every size, and look amazing just as you are but if you aren’t happy than you have the right to work on you!

So, let’s work!

PISCES

(February 20 – March 20)

I SAID WHAT I SAID. And you ain’t changing your mind either, sis. I know that’s right. The goals you have set and the decisions you have made in the past few months are sticking – throw that old indecisive nature out the window, girl. This month is all about you. You’re feeling steadfast and stronger than ever – (and if you aren’t it’s time to realign your feelings of self) you have exactly what it takes to make your dreams come true. Don’t give in to outside suggestions. Don’t listen to what your friends think. If you need advice, look in that mirror and ask your damn self.

Exist in this space for longer than the month, Pisces, and I promise you, you’re going to really love who you are on the other side of the new year.

ARIES

(March 21 – April 20)

Don’t stop! Pop that, don’t stop – what you working wiiiith!? Oh, excuse me, let me turn that down. That’s just the sound of you GETTING YOUR MF GROOVE BACK! It’s lit, bae! You made it through retrograde after retrograde and baby the weight is finally off of your shoulders! You feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to conquer the world: So, do it! Utilize this feeling and this newfound confidence to take on some new projects – start a new vision board, start a new job, hell, start a new relationship sis, the possibilities are endless! You go, girllll!

TAURUS

(April 21 – May 21) Mark the calendar and then mark these words: September 12th, you’ve got a big surprise coming your way boo. Jupiter is moving into Pluto’s orbit which is going to send you into a FRENZY. Don’t let all of this frantic energy make you feel as though you aren’t doing enough and that you need to pile on more things to do on your already long list of objectives.

You’ve got a full plate, baby… and taking anything else on right now is just downright greedy (unless it’s a new man, chile, in that case, open up that appetite…). You are grinding sis, and getting things done. Be proud of yourself and let that feeling of “it’s not enough” wash over your head this month. You got this.

GEMINI

(May 22 – June 21)

Fall is about healing, am I right? But sometimes that’s easier said than done. I get it. The chaos and trauma of our past experiences always finds a way to tip toe itself back into our lives disguised as new people, circumstances and things – causing us to repeat a bad situation or habit that we thought we had previously learned from (am I speaking to you, Gemini, or nah?). I know, girl. Sounds all too familiar but guess what… not this month, bih! A new moon in Virgo begins September 9th, which is going to give you a new strength, a new attitude and open your mind, heart and soul up for healing. Just wait on it. This new start is going to be just what you need to find the courage and the discernment to clear you path of unhealthy bonds, create new boundaries, and stop repeating old mistakes. Tell them problems, MOVE AROUND!

CANCER

(June 22 – July 22)

Calling all Libras! Libras, to aisle Cancer please! Oooo girl, I got some tea to spill for you (and we know how much you like your tea) … Your dating life is about to be flipped on its head this month, as the sun moves into Libra alongside your planet on September 22nd. Libra, in essence, couldn’t be any more opposite of you in the Zodiac world but this is a challenge by the astrological God’s above for you to try something (more like someone…) new. Date outside of your comfort zone this month, bae. So what he doesn’t have the best wardrobe, snorts a little when he laughs and prefers his mama’s opinion over yours (alright, so that last one might be worth cancelling him for, but let me finish…) but this new guy, who you would never date under any other circumstances may just be exactly what you’ve been looking for. This month, is the month, to expand your horizons and let your guard down. You gotta husband to catch sis, go get him!

LEO

(July 23 – August 22)

Whew! Your birthday was LIT! I mean, you were feeling every bit of invincible… too bad your pocket book can’t say the same, chile. You indulged a bit too much last month and your finances are definitely paying for it – literally. It’s definitely going to be a tight month, sis but that’s okay. Use this to your advantage. It’s time to shift your focus anyway, from living it up, to saving it up as you prepare for the new year. This is a great opportunity to align your vision, budget and time with working towards your goals and to center your thoughts around where you want to be in the next few months. You are: Self-sufficient. Goal oriented. And overall, successful and independent. These should be your affirmations this month, Leo, as you recoup and prepare for a fiscally responsible and electrifying Fall.

SEPTEMBER 2018| HERIMAGE.ORG 43

Cover Photography by Brenton Jomar of 20SUMN

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LOVE ON YOURSELF, REGARDLESS OF WHO YOU LUVIN ON. CAUSE YOU NEED SOME GOOD LUVIN TOO. - Her Image

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