PARENTING CORNER

My experience as a single parent

By Caroline Njeri Muchai

Not many women get children so as to bring them up alone, but well…. it happens. I got pregnant in my fourth year of campus and delivered just before I completed my exams. The journey has been interesting. At first I was shocked. I remember sitting on my bed and wondering what mess I had gotten myself into. In other moments, I was happy that I could at least conceive, knowing that there were many women who would have wished to be in my position.

As the pregnancy proceeded, I had morning sickness, experienced weight loss among other symptoms. After the 9-month wait, I successfully delivered a beautiful baby girl via caesarian section and I thanked God. Naming the child was my whole and sole affair as the baby’s father was MIA (missing in action). He left and only appeared on an on and off basis. I don’t like fights and forcing issues, so I decided to let him be. As I pondered on what to name my baby, I decided that I wanted a Swahili name and no surname. It was all easy and for her middle name, I named her after my mom. Incidentally, I have a similar name to my mom so my girl is also called Njeri. I had my own fears on being a single mother due to the fear of judgement by the society having been brought up in a Christian family. I had gotten born again when in class seven and I am still saved. I was still saved even when I got pregnant. I had fears of being asked about the father of my child, why I was not married and all, but I realized there were many other single mums out here, so I overcame my fear and faced the world. After all, we all make mistakes. What differs is the type of mistakes we make. Single parents can be discriminated against which is really unfair and uncalled for. I once went to a hospital where I was asked for the father of my child and the person at the reception refused to register us. Another difficult period I recall was when I

“Single parents can be discriminated against which is really unfair and uncalled for. I once went to a hospital where I was asked for the father of my child and the person at the reception refused to register us.”

once worked in an office where people spoke about their husbands a lot. To cope with the situation, I created my own husband and spoke about him too! My happiest moments were when my daughter started school. However, I was unable to raise school fees which even other people in marriage experience but at that moment I wished my daughter’s father would help me. I have since learned to put my greatest hope in God, He has been faithful and a provider. My family has been there for me and have helped me to bring up my girl. I learned to accepted the help. Many times, I have had to take my girl to my mom which was a relief but damaging. Sometimes she would call me by my name ‘Carol’. Some of lowest memories came about when I couldn’t afford basics and my mind would race. I would wonder to myself “What if this man never left? What if I asked for help? What if…. what if….. “ On co-parenting, I am not sure about the whole issue, I wouldn’t be comfortable. On child support, I once tried telling my own dad that I would sue my daughter’s father and he warned me against it saying that God will help me and indeed God has helped. Does my daughter ask about the dad? Yes she does. When she was about 8-9 years she asked my sister. Unfortunately, my sister doesn’t know the dad so that was not forthcoming. She eventually got his number, texted but he was cold. My daughter was deeply heartbroken. I was equally hurt on her behalf but I was glad that she could now see for herself that he was not a good dad. I had never bad mouthed him to her. But this was the beginning of God’s healing, she accepted the man wasn’t interested in us and she started praying and fasting. God hears us when we call. My baby fasted for three days and asked God for a dad. A year later, God answered our prayers. She got the dad she prayed for and I got a husband! Single parenthood isn’t a walk in the park, you need to be strong for your children and you can’t just give up on life. This far, God has been Ebenezer. As a single mum, don’t shy off from asking for help, don’t be desperate, and if your child’s father offers help, accept it. If nothing comes your way, soldier on. Make your child a friend and never see as if they are a hindrance to you.

“My happiest moments were when my daughter started school. ”