MENTAL WELLNESS

10 WAYS TO OVERCOME GRIEF

By Ann Wahito

That moment that you never forget. When the world at best slows down, sometimes shifts, and at the worst, stops all together. That moment when you are told that the loved one that you never envisioned living without, has gone forever. That moment that you want to erase from your memory forever.

Losing a family member, a loved one or a friend is a difficult process. Our grief takes us to difficult places and through difficult processes. Readjusting to life without the dearly departed can take a long time. Grief can take the form of sadness, guilt, yearning, anger and even regret. The hardest part of losing someone is the gap left behind. The love, the laughter, the pain, the memories; all these things are an everpresent epitaph that we carry with us.

Are there ways to face up to and go beyond the heart-wrenching grieving process? Even Job himself questioned God after he lost his wife, children and possessions! Job 3:20a, 24 Why is light given to one burdened with grief…?… I sigh when food is put before me, and my groans pour out like water.

Grief, like every other passion, is blind. It knows no rhyme or reason. Every day activities may feel impossible. Grief flows and ebbs. It leaves you helpless in its grip as the pain of loss washes over you again and again – in the oddest of places and strangest of times. Here are some ways to tide you over the loss of a dear one:

1. Pain

Let yourself feel the pain and all the other emotions. Do not attempt to minimise it or hold it back. It hurts. Allow yourself to hurt and come to the realisation that the deceased is truly gone. Let it hurt. 2. Prayer

Whisper. Cry. Stay silent before God – it all counts as a deep heartfelt prayer for when you just cannot find the words. Prayer is powerful because it keeps alive the hope that you can go on; and that you will make it regardless of how much your heart hurts right now.

3. Physical Activities

Activities such as exercise, dance, long walks, aerobics – anything really that

“Prayer is powerful because it keeps alive the hope that you can go on; and that you will make it regardless of how much your heart hurts right now.”

“It is important to be around people who do not try to tell you to snap out of it – you need people who can see you through this process and allow you to come to the peace you need to move forward.”

works up a sweat – are beneficial to the body and the mind.

Exercise releases endorphins in the body, which reduce your pain perception.

They also trigger a positive feeling in the body. Physical activities allow you to take a well-needed break and reset your headspace and your heart. 4. Take A Break

Give yourself a break from grieving. Find a distraction. Go for a movie, or out to brunch; listen to music, get a massage or manicure. This

helps you to reset, adjust, and advance to the next steps. 5. Journaling

Put things down on paper. It is powerfully cathartic. It could be a letter to your loved one, telling them all that has been left unsaid. It could be little stories that you wish to share with them but cannot, or an emotion that you want to capture on paper because it is too painful to speak out loud.

6. Reading

Sit down with reading

material – could be that book on mechanics, a thriller, a romance novel or a magazine. Reading boosts your brainpower, reduces stress and lowers blood pressure and overall promotes calmness. 7. A Solid Support System

Having a good support system means you can just be you – breakdown when you need to, talk for hours about your loved one should you need to or just sit silently, knowing that you are not being judged for what you are expressing. It is important to be around people who do not try to tell you to snap out of it – you need people who can see you through this process and allow you to come to the peace you need to move forward.

8. Memorialise

A memorial is a beautiful way to “physically” work through your grief. It can be as simple as planting

a tree or a flower in a place of your choosing in the memory of your loved one. It can be creating a scrapbook of pictures, small keepsakes etc. It can even be an online memorial, where you maintain a memorial page complete with images and geotagging of the final resting place. This helps to keep their memory alive and enable you to move forward.

9. Take up A Cause

Consider getting involved in an activity

or a cause that the deceased loved. It could be a focus on a particular charity, environmental activities, a hobby they loved. Immersing yourself in it will allow you to share in a small part in their passions. 10. Be Patient

Most of all, give yourself time. Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to forgive.

Give yourself time to heal. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Be brave enough to let go and brave enough to step into each moment knowing your loved one is no more.

“May all the dearly departed persons that have gone on ahead of us continue to rest in peace.”