ď ‹ by Crispin Best
I
am a Chronicler. Job title. I went to the interview, typed 300 words in three minutes and they gave me the gig on the spot. I showed them my teeth. I chronicle. I am good at it. I specialise in Ecumenical Councils. The priests meet up
and talk shop. They fix schisms. Etc. I type what they say. I use symbols. E.g. Cardinal Ruffina: “ You‘re right” (is different from) Cardinal Ruffina: “ You‘re right” Etc. There are some symbols whose meanings are obvious. E.g.
, and There are some symbols that need explaining. E.g.
means that someone is alone in an opinion. means that someone has left. means that someone is sucking up to the Pope. means someone has referred to ‘fornication’.
This symbol is not clear: ď ‹ I use ď ‹ very often I wish the symbols were better. I wish there was a symbol for when a chick pea gets stuck in the throat of a deacon just as he is making a very serious point. I wish there was a symbol for when the bishops start getting restless and write each other notes and raise their eyebrows and wink. I wish there was a symbol for how I feel about dinosaurs. I wish there was a symbol for how I feel about the moon. I wish there was a symbol for how I feel about peas on pizzas. I wish there was a symbol for losing at Monopoly. I wish there was a symbol of someone when their mouth is full of peanut butter and they hear something really funny. I wish there was a symbol which was a cloud of starlings that moved around the screen so that sometimes the screen was just black and you had to just watch and wait. I wish there was a symbol of a face that grows older on the screen in front of you and eventually becomes a skull and disappears.
This is what I wrote today: John of Falkenburg: “ I am fearful of Poland.” Bishop Peter de Lune: “Full of ” King Sigismund: “Don’t write that, Chronicler!” Me: “” John of F: “What can be done about Poland?” Bishop PdL: “How can we help prevail in Poland?”
: “ prevail! prevail! prevail!” John of F: “Yes, quite, prevail.”
: “ prevail! prevail! prevail!” John of F: “Yes, OK.”
: “ prevail! prevail! prevail!” John of F: “ Settle down!” Me: “” Pope Gregory XII: “ We must Poland!” Bishop PdL: “ We must Poland!!” : “Poland! Poland! Poland!” King S.: “ I have an idea. How about Poland?” : “ Boooo!” King S: “ Oh. Oh my.” Gregory XII: “This is boring!” King S: “ Oh dear.”
Gregory XII: “ I am hungry! Time for supper!”
: “Suppertime!” John of F: “ I’m not really that hungry. It’s only just gone 3pm.”
: “
Supper-Supper-Suppertime! Suppertime! Sup-
pertime! Supper-Supper-Suppertime! Supper-Suppertime!” John of F: “ But... what have we decided about Poland?” King S: “ Oh goodness.”
: “ Supper-Suppertime!...” ... John of F: “Bishop Peter. What about all the ?” Bishop PdL: “Never mind the ! !” ... Bishop PdL: “...” John of F: “” Me: “” ... John of F: “” Me: “” John of F: “...” I wish there was a symbol for how it feels to sit alone for four hours in an empty cathedral. Maybe .
with love from:
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