A Recipe for Love

from March/April 2020

Book Review

THE PERFECT RECIPE FOR A LASTING RELATIONSHIP

BY LEN KNITTER

Risotto, like love, takes time and patience. You shouldn’t pour everything into the pot at the very beginning and just hope it turns out perfect. It helps to follow a recipe and be very deliberate with your stirring, or you’ll ruin the relationship — or even worse, the risotto! I will confess, I have yet to master risotto, but I’ve become much better at being a loving partner. However, I’m not going to tell you what I have to say about love. Instead, I’ll let the beautiful people in my life tell you about love and what they feel it takes to have a loving and lasting relationship. I asked my parents, who have been happily married for 55 years, and my sisters what they thought were the most important ways to have a loving and lasting relationship. I’d like to share their honest and heartfelt responses with you. I hope one of their ideas inspire a positive influence in your love life.

Ingredients: 1. A partner who you can love for who they are without the expectation of change. 2. An open heart.

STEP 1: Communicate as often as possible. When communicating with each other, be kind, respectful, open, patient, honest and vulnerable.

STEP 2: Study your partner. Become a master at knowing their facial expressions, idiosyncrasies and habits, and know when they need a hug, some space, or a laugh!

STEP 3: Be adventurous, not reckless.

STEP 4: Maintain good health so you’re not a burden. But, when not feeling well, be very appreciative of your partner’s concern. Feeling well promotes wellbeing and happiness.

STEP 5: Don’t hold a grudge. Pride can cause relational grudges to linger. Control your pride, and you’ll be happy.

STEP 6: Each of you needs freedom to do your own thing. This is the path to becoming “one” — together and happy. Happiness with each other is the foundation of deep love.

STEP 7: Go overboard showing appreciation for one another.

STEP 8: Say, “I love you” out of the blue and “thank you” as much as possible.

STEP 9: When your love comes home, jump up quickly to give them a kiss and a hug, and whisper in their ear, “I missed you.”

STEP 10: Touch when passing each other. Be intimate even more!

STEP 11: Be amazed by your partner so it’ll feel like the two of you are still on your honeymoon.

STEP 12: Continue to go on dates. When work, family, children and life close in on you, break away for time together.

STEP 13: Laugh over the smallest and most unlikely things!

STEP 14: Don’t put down, insult or badmouth your partner.

STEP 15: Stay in “awe” of your good fortune to have a loving partner in easy times and difficult times.

I follow this advice, and I’ve been with my partner for over eight years. I consider myself the luckiest man in the universe. A few months ago, something came over me, and I felt this huge wave of gratitude wash over me when I was with my partner. I don’t know why, but I just blurted out, “Why are you with me?” She said, “It’s because you don’t try to change me, and you always let me be who I am.” It was a simple, direct and beautiful moment, and it warms my heart every time I relive it. And even though I can’t yet make a decent risotto for my partner, I do make an awesome mushroom and barley soup that she does love.