The Lion - Issue 7

Just the Ticket

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Annabel Sykes on the new cheaper railcard system

AV, Shall We?

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Matt McLaren on Why GB Should go AV

Heythrop Students’ Union

The

Volume 1 Issue 7 Wednesday 23rd February theheythroplion.co.uk

Changing Egypt

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Sam English gives a warning on revolutions

Lion

UoL’s a-Level Blacklists Revealed ‘Soft’ Subjects Uncovered at University of London Colleges

SENATE HOUSE: University of London Photo: Secret Pilgrim/Flickr.com

alex Hackett News Editor Many University of London Colleges discount a-Levels with an equal amount of UCaS points to others, due to the subject being regarded as “substandard” or “not acceptable for admission” Critical Thinking and General Studies are two of the most widely disregarded subjects among London institutions, being outwardly ‘blacklisted’ at royal Holloway, Queen Mary, UCL, LSE and KCL. This news comes after Universities minister David Willets urged institutions to publish their internal list of “soft subjects” to allow students to make more informed choices when deciding Continued on P3>

Voting Now Open for raising and Giving Week Charity Bradley Smith Sports and Societies Officer Raising and Giving Week is now fast approaching, starting on Monday the 28th February 2011.

Last year, under the guiding hand of Laura Watson, Vice President Campaigns, the Union raised over £700 for Project Paria – a small charity which does fantastic work in South America, working directly with small communities.

The money we raised made a tangible difference to the lives of many men, women and children. This charity was selected through students taking part in a vote.

Now, we are doing the same process this year. Log onto your college email to find a message from me, with a link for you to click. Follow this link and you will be faced with the choice of 14 charities to select – all you need to do is chooce your top 5 preferences. It will take all of 30 seconds to do, and they are all very deserving organisations that do a great deal of incredibly valuable work.

The Union will announce the winning charity on Monday the 28th, immediately before what I am reliably told will be a party so good, that if you look back on it while you are leaving, you’ll turn into salt.

Also in the week, we’ll be having a pub crawl, poker tournament and a short film competition, along with a lot of other events so good, you’ll need nappies.

In fact, raG Week is the only reason I haven’t killed myself (joking, joking, please don’t write in).

So; we raised £700 last year – I reckon

we can do better this year. All you need to do is log onto you emails to vote, and then come to the events and enjoy yourself into a coma. Voting closes Saturday, so vote NOW! To Contact Bradley about getting involved with RAG Week, send him an email at societies@heythropcollege.ac.uk To Find out more about what going on in the week, visit the Union Website heythropstudentsunion.co.uk or visit the Facebook Group

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WEDNESDAY 23rD FEBrUArY | THE LION

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Lion Editor runs for London Student

K!!

C O N EST CA

R YOU D E IT HILE

LIM IT W ET G

THE BIANNUAL MAGAZINE FROM THE LION OUT NOW ON CAMPUS AND ONLINE AT dft.ba/-Paws

theheythroplion.co.uk

Gala Jackson-Coombs Editor

coRREcTIonS:

Gala Jackonpc

- The Article “Silence is Golden” was incorrectly stated as written by Katie Plumb, it was infact written by Matt Coombs

The University of London Union (ULU) hold elections each year to elect their student sabbatical officers: President, Vice President, London Student Editor and Trustees. There are also non-sabbatical student trustee positions open to run for.

- This years rAG Week was reported as Heythrop’s “2nd Ever”. We have since learnt this is incorrect and that there have been numerous rAG Week’s in Heythrop’s History The Lion Editorial Board wishes to apologise for these mistakes.

Please recycle your Lion at one of the many recycle bins around college

Alex, if successful, will be the first Heythrop student in its long history to hold a sabbatical position within ULU. Another Heythrop student, Abduttayyeb Hassanali, is rerunning for a non-sabbatical student trustee position, which he held last year, after winning a byelection.

The news comes after rumours that the present president of ULU, Clare Solomon, and the present Vice President, Viktoria Szmolar, will both be running for re-election. Joe rennison, current editor of The London Student, will however not be rerunning for the post. Other candidates are yet to be confirmed. There will be a chance to see all candidates face to face on the 8th of March, when Question Time will be

held at ULU at 1pm. Come along to ask prospective candidates questions and air any concerns you might have. Voting opens midday on Wednesday 9th March. All University of London students are eligible to vote in the election, and it will determine who runs one of the biggest student unions in Europe.

Heythrop students will shortly be sent an email to their college accounts containing a password.

STAND FOR ELECTION AS A ULU SABBATICAL OFFICER OR TRUSTEE

The ULU election Nominations have now closed. It has now been confirmed that Heythrop student and Editor of The Lion, Alex Hackett will be running for the position of London Student Editor, which controls Europe biggest student newspaper.

This password will let you gain access to the ulu elections website and vote for your preferred candidate. All registered Heythrop Students should receive this email, if you have not or are having difficulty voting, please contact a member of the HSU and they will try their best to help you.

Editorial Team

co-creator and Editor-in-chief Alex Hackett alex@theheythroplion.co.uk

The nominations period forThe the ULU elections opens on 1st February at 12 noon and will close at news Editor Alex Hackett 12 noon on 22nd February 2011. news@theheythroplion.co.uk

NEXT DEaDLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS

02.03.11

co-creator and Editor Gala Jackson-Coombs gala@theheythroplion.co.uk

Features Editor TO FIND OUT MORE VISIT Josh Ferguson features@theheythroplion.co.uk WWW.ULU.CO.UK/ELECTIONS

Editor Katie Plumb katie@theheythroplion.co.uk

comment Editor Gala Jackson-Coombs comment@theheythroplion.co.uk

The Lion is the independent student newspaper of Heythrop College, University of London. We distribute at least 1000 free copies during term time around campus and to popular student venues in and around Kensington.

The Lion is published by HackJack Ltd. and printed by Mortons Print Ltd. All Copyright is the exclusive property of HackJack Ltd. No part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system or submitted in any form or by any means, without the prior permission of the publisher.

culture Editor John Arthur Craven Ord culture@theheythroplion.co.uk Sport and Societies Editor Katie Plumb sportsoc@theheythroplion.co.uk

Please send your submissions to: submit@theheythroplion.co.uk The views expressed in this publication are those of the author and not necessarily those of the Editors or of the Heythrop Students’ Union. Every effort has been made to contact the holders of copyright for any material used in this issue, and to ensure the accuracy of this fortnight’s stories. © HackJack Ltd. 2010, 639 Nell Gwynn House, Sloane Ave, Kensington, London SW3 3BE Pages 1 -8 - Designed by Alex Hackett Pages 9 -16 - Designed by Gala Jackson-Coombs

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WEDNESDAY 23rD FEBrUArY | THE LION

nEWS National railcard discount extended to Tube Network

HSU Elections Announced Chris Nicholson Outlines the Officer Positions in the Heythrop Students’ Union Election 2011-2012

annabel Sykes 3rd year Undergraduate

University of London Colleges’ A-Level Blacklist revealed a

a

alex Hackett News Editor

>Continued from P1 Anyone with a 1/3 off railcard can now get cheaper single underground fares, it has been announced this week.

Until recently, students with 1/3 off railcards could enjoy a price cap only on their total daily card usage- that is, unlimited tube and bus travel for (currently) £4.30, as opposed to the standard £6.60 (in zones 1 and 2). This also applies across other zones for students travelling in from further afield.

However, the extension of this discount means that students can now get 1/3 off not only their daily price cap, but each single journey made at off-peak times.

For example, the cost of a discounted single journey from zone 1 into zone 2, or vice-versa, is £1.25 at off-peak times (9.30am -4pm, and after 7pm on weekdays; all day weekends), as opposed to the adult fare of £1.90. Peak fares are unaffected.

The extension also applies to the DLr and, of course, London Overground or other National rail journeys made using Oyster.

This change will come as a relief to students in light of recent education and public service cuts, although bus fares have slightly increased to £1.30 and there are currently no plans to include these in the discount, although they do count towards the unchanged daily price cap.

In order to register for the discount, students must take their railcard, together with their student or ordinary (it doesn’t matter which one you use) Oyster Card to any London Underground ticket office.

For more information on tube fares, visit tfl.gov.uk/tickets railcards are available to anyone aged under 26, not just students, and cost £26 per year. Therefore anyone under 26 can enjoy the discount described above, even if they are not a student.

For more information on railcards, visit 16-25railcard.co.uk.

a

Chris Nicholson VP Development

It’s that time of year again. Nope not finally getting round to submitting that essay which was capped at 40 in October or start on the tidy your room/file your notes because exams are nearly upon us but rather time to get your vote on in true democratic style.

If you think you would like to be an officer of the HSU next year, a role which is hugely rewarding in my experience, please throw your name into the proverbial hat. Power they say is an aphrodisiac and I see no better reason to run for office than that (or maybe just the whole giving two sh*ts about the community which you are a part of). So if you are interested in running for a position, we have a lovely little democratic system here despite Plato’s misgivings.

Personally I would prefer a lovely little timocracy but you know apparently this is the way things are done nowadays. If you wish to run but are unsure of the position that would best suit your talents/time commitments here is a little run down of the positions currently (subject to change).

President: You are the guy/guyette in charge you have the magical title of President and the business cards to match. The role is sabbatical which means you can put off the getting of a real job or delay your essays and exams for a whole year whilst on a very handsome wage of £16 000 which comes with a nicely broken in office chair.

You get to do all the wonderfully exciting poltics, day to day management of the Union and ultimately represent students at most meetings within the college.

Vice President Campaigns: Do you have a love of politics and in particular issues which effect students. This role

can stir your social conscience and also allows you to organise a rAG week which directly raises funds for charitable causes. Along with this you are a vice-president representing students upon committees and also acting on behalf of the president when needed.

you will be responsible for producing posters and advertising for events, production of booklets which are sent out before freshers week and the design of all the HSU merchandise. You’re pretty much in charge of branding for the union, enjoy!

Vice President Development: This role allows you to directly influence the Union in the direction in which it develops, focusing upon strategic planning, upon the way in which the Union functions and also some of the legal stuff regarding the Union. Along with this you are a vice-president representing students upon committees and also acting on behalf of the president when needed.

Sports and Societies Officer: You will help support many of Heythrop’s societies as well organising a freshers fayre and generally help to ensure the success of our numerous and successful societies, contributing to the whole experience at the college.

Male Welfare: Criteria one: do you own your very own matching set of testes? Criteria two: do you care about the welfare of students? If the answer to both is yes then this role may be for you. You will represent students on committees as well as provide advice and campaigns about specific issues which effect students.

Female Welfare: Criteria one: do you have your very own matching set of ovaries? Criteria two: do you care about the welfare of students? If the answer to both is yes then this role may be for you. You will represent students on committees as well as provide advice and campaigns about specific issues which effect students.

Events and Entertainments Officer (2 positions): Do you like to throw amazing and inventive parties? Would you like to do this with a budget? Would you like to do this with substantially less cleaning up than if it were a house party? This might just be the ticket for you.

Communications and Publications Officer (2 positions): Are you creative? Well you rather have to be as

Mature and Post Graduate Officer: Are you a mature student or a post-graduate student? If so and you are interested in the challenge of representing students who have different needs to students fresh out of a-levels, or whom are not in college as often as other students, this might be the role for you.

Nominations are to open on 28th February and nominations close on the 11th March.

Campaigning begins on Monday 14th March Question time events: lunchtime on 14th & 15th March Hustings will be held at 1.30pm on 18th March in Brinkman Room A full list of election regulations and procedures shall be displayed on the notice board outside of the Students’ Union office. Full job descriptions are available from the office.

Of course there are other elections going on, namely the ULU elections which I strongly urge you to vote in, none the least because our very own Alex Hackett is running for London Student Editor.

A-Levels . This change would also aim to stop schools from climbing up the league tables by letting students do well in lighter subjects that could be of little use to them when applying to university.

UCL already publish on their list of “preferred” subjects, accepting some lesser known A-levels such as ‘Biblical Hebrew’ and ‘Government and Politics’. The UCL website also states that if applicants have not studied two or more subjects from the list “It will be at the discretion of the admissions selector to determine whether the application is sufficiently strong to warrant further consideration”.

UCL also accept ICT and Computing, both deemed lesser subjects at Trinity College Oxford, who note on their website that these subjects must only be taken as a “forth subject” in addition to other better accepted subject qualifications. A-level Law is also accepted at UCL but is deemed “non-preferred” at LSE, only to be accepted if “offered in combination with our generally preferred subjects” There are colleges within UL that boast no A-Level blacklist. Kim Burke, admissions officer at Heythrop College says subjects such as critical thinking are looked upon equally to others due to their syllabus overlaps with philosophy and theology, the college’s specialist areas.

It is clear that these requirements are not easily accessible to potential students, either being nestled away on college websites or being uncovered only through ringing round many departments within the institutions. The Student room, the popular online student forum, contains hundreds of threads asking current university students what A-Levels they have in a desperate bid to verify that their subjects will be looked upon as favourably as the university claims. One user states that “after all the headlines showed that students shouldn’t take ‘soft’ subjects, I have become worried for my choices, and whether they will ‘bar’ me from entering the top universities.”

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WEDNESDAY 23rD FEBrUArY | THE LION

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Sexual Health Week: THE VERDICT ashley Doolan reviews the Welfare Team’s Events

ashley Doolan LGBT Soc President Gala Jackonpc

Monday 7th February marked the beginning of the long awaited return of Heythrop Sexual Health Week hosted by our very own Welfare Team, John Arthur Craven Ord and rebecca Fitzgerald. With promises of more fun filled innuendo than you could shake a stick at (wink wink) and the chance to learn a little bit more about something that as a society we can still be highly uptight about, many of us were waiting with bated breath to see what was in store.

Sexual Health Quiz The first event of the week was a pop quiz loosely based around the theme of sexual health, although you can only create so many rounds keeping to the subject, which consisted of Becky, John and a panel of “sexperts”, myself included, judging the teams on many different areas of sexual knowledge. With scenes which I’m sure Heythrop never has, and probably never should, see within its walls again and the reading of probably the most stomach turning short story ever to have been penned from human hand I’m pretty sure it’s a night that those in attendance will remember. With many prizes and free gifts supplied by Simply Pleasure, care of John Ord’s own employment with them, there were many strange and unusual objects given out throughout the course of the night. From what I could personally see the night went down fantastically and all in attendance seemed to have an amazing time laughing at friends doing things they’d only heard of before that night. On a personal note the team who came up with the name “If That’s Your Friend I’m A Lesbian” you will be forever legends in my book.

Slave auction Wednesday night saw the turn of newly appointed Events officer, Jasmin Khosah, as she hosted a Slave Auction to raise money for the chosen charity of the night, Stonewall. Many of Heythrop’s finest braved the scrutiny of their peers to stand at the front for their worth to be judged in purely financial terms. From members of the football team to a bevy of female loveliness to

Heythrop Student Abseils for Charity Abigail Kay is planning to abseil down Guy’s Hospital for Charity

Josh Ferguson up for grabs, the night had a raucous competitive atmosphere with people desperately vying for their favourites (or desperately trying to save their friends). The prices ranged from barely enough to buy you a medium Mcdonald’s to over £30 (for one Mr Tom Newman) being shelled out. The auctioneer herself found she was given a taste of her own medicine when some of the slaves decided it was time for her to be auctioned off and she was finally bought by the lovely John C ross who plans to paint both her and Josh Ferguson and sell the paintings to raise more money for Stonewall. By the end of the night well over £100 had been raised for charity and there was a general party atmosphere in the air. Many stayed and danced well into the night to the wondrous tunes played by Magic FM. Valentine’s Disco This night had the potential to be a great night with the common room transformed into a love den that Cupid himself would be proud of. Unfortunately the hours spent blowing up balloons and rearranging the lounge was, in classic Heythrop style, in vain. What should have been an amazing event was unfortunately placed at a time when many had other plans and so suffered the consequence of unfortunate timing. The effort put in by the team is still worth mentioning however as the lounge did look fantastic and those who turned up remarked on this.

All in all a really successful week that has left many people with a handful more memories to take away with them from their university experience, I myself could do with having some of them wiped mind you. Great job by Becky and John on the welfare team and Jasmin for the effort that they put into the week and I’m sure many will agree that it paid off.

To see exclusive phtos and videos of sexual health week, visit the website at theheythroplion.co.uk To contact the welfare team about getting involved in future events, contact malewelfare / femalewelfare ‘heythropcollege.ac.uk

CLIMBING HIGH: Guy’s Hospital London Photo: Banalities/Flickr.com

abigail kay 1st year Undergraduate Hi, I’m a fresher at Heythrop doing Study of religions and I would like to ask you a favour. I am doing a sponsored abseil down Guy’s Hospital Tower on 6th March for a charity called Tzedek and it would be amazing if you would be able to sponsor me for it.

Tzedek is an overseas development charity working with some of the poorest communities in the world. The money raised will fund a project in Tamil Nadu, India, called ‘Hospitality for the Needy’ which provides tailoring training for 50 young women and a small, low interest loan. With these two

things, the women are able to improve their tailoring skills to an extent that the clothes can be sold in local shops and markets and they have the means to start their own businesses.

The increased income from these activities will ensure a safe, sustainable future for them and their families; furthermore, the small amount of interest they pay on the loan is injected straight back into the village to restart the process with another group of women.

Due to the simplicity of this project, it really is a situation where a couple of pounds can make a real difference.

That’s why I would like to ask you to take a couple of minutes to visit my Virgin Giving page

(http://uk.virginmoneygiving. com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage. action?userUrl=abigailkay) and donate whatever you can, however small an amount. If it’s easier for you or if you just want to give some small change straight from your wallet/purse, please feel free to leave a sealed envelope with my name on it (and your name inside it if you’d like!) in the pigeon hole marked ‘K.’ In the last three weeks, I have raised £400; in the remaining three and a half weeks, I hope I can raise yet more money for this important cause.

By the way, did I mention that I have a massive fear of heights?

Want to Donate? Follow the Link on our Website

theheythroplion.co.uk

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WEDNESDAY 23rd FEBRUARY | THE LION

FEATURE

THE MAIL AGENDA JT White and Josh Ferguson present a satirical argument between ‘Jan Pillock’ and ‘John Everyman’

FAIL MAIL: Anti-Daily Mail Photo: Flickr.com

JT White and Josh Ferguson Gala Jackonpc

We thought long and hard about how we were going to illustrate our thoughts on the homophobia that is propagated by the Daily Mail and other people in the same vein, and we decided that doing it in our regular way (10 paragraphs of strenuous swearing, vituperative hatred and the occasional joke) would be rather dull, so instead we’ve decided to take a leaf out of the book of such luminaries as Boethius, and write this as a dialogue. For this purpose we will utilise two fictional characters that we’re going to call John Everyman and our custom-built straw-man, Jan Pillock.

Speak up, chaps: Pillock: Since the appalling repeal of Section 28, we’ve been moving towards a hellish future where our children have no idea of normal sexuality. The acceptance of homosexuality is moving towards a mandatory gayness that is being enforced in our schools. Section 28 was the last bastion of sexual normalcy, and bulwark against the McCarthyite anal fixation.

Everyman: Oh for fuck’s sake. What point are you actually trying to make here? That children shouldn’t know what homosexuality is? Children are stupid enough as it is, and there’s

enough homophobia in the playground without this kind of demonising. This is one step above saying that the Freemasons are poisoning the wells.

Pillock: As Lillian Hellman once said “The forms of f*cking do not require endorsement” and that is exactly the attitude we must adopt. Yes, the gays used to have a tough time of it and had to spend a lot of time in public parks.

But filling the curriculum with gay references for the sake of tolerance is not a step forward.

Everyman: Precisely what gay references are going into the curriculum?

The way you put it, you make it sound like there are going to be references to anal sex and smoking vast amounts of crystal meth spliced into geography lessons. The fact that PSHE lessons taught in schools will now cover the fact that homosexuality is tolerated and not something to be stigmatised is hardly an advertisement for the “bumming lifestyle”. Acceptance of homosexuality in education is not a promotional exercise, nor open endorsement of a particular lifestyle over any other, it is vital in sweeping away old prejudices that have no place in a civilised society.

Pillock: But don’t you see? This is how it starts! First something becomes tolerated, then it becomes accepted, then it becomes mandatory! It won’t stop here, you know. How soon before geog-

raphy lessons highlight notorious dogging areas? This means…

Everyman: Woah, there. STOP. Firstly, there’s no evidence to support that claim. Name one other incident similar to this. What other accepted lifestyles have previously become mandatory under this totalitarian government you seem to think is controlling us?

Pillock: You really are a silly boy, aren’t you? It is not that we are living in a totalitarian state, but that the seeds of authoritarianism exist in state-imposed multiculturalism which has led to the moral relativism and political correctness which has fuelled a culture of complacency towards the Islamisation of Britain today. And that would not be helpful to the gay community in Britain, but you lefties are all too happy to see us down this road! The answer is a return to traditional moral values which held this society together for centuries. The evidence of this corrosion is omnipresent but you are too involved in it to see it with your own eyes!

Everyman: Why yes, you’re absolutely right. I remember when members of the Metropolitan Police Service marched me at gunpoint to a mosque because I needed to become a Muslim, sayeth the Powers That Be. Pillock: There’s no need to be sarcastic. All I want to ensure is that we have

an attitude that will protect the sexual normality of children, not lead them into deviancy.

Everyman: You go on about protecting the children, all the while cheerfully ignoring the consequences of what would happen if we didn’t educate children about homosexuality. Look at the consequences of abstinence-only sex education in the United States of America. You end up with adolescent boys and girls who have no idea about sex, and end up having to call daytime talkshows to Dr. Phil because they think they can’t get pregnant doing the only thing that can make them that way. If we don’t take homosexuality and the education of it from out of this deep, dark dungeon that centuries of hatred and homophobia have imprisoned it in, then we’re endorsing ignorance.

And ignorance leads to terrible consequences, because it’s human nature to be suspicious of what we don’t know.

We don’t want to see our kids turning to Jeremy Kyle for sexual advice, or any advice for that matter given Kyle’s habits and past addictions…

Pillock: You clearly fail to see the potential for a moral resurgence through such programmes as the Jeremy Kyle Show… You also fail to understand my argument, I am not calling for a return to the dark ages – I am a defender of decency and the moral fibre of the Nation. There is a difference between

making sure teenagers are aware of the consequences of their actions and tearing down moral boundaries that exist for a reason. Sexuality has for centuries been an expression of love and the sacred union of marriage which has been reserved for men and women, partly out of an endorsement of sexual ethics which are inclined towards procreation.

Everyman: Oh I see, it’s not natural! This coming from a person who would happily wear nylon and eat blue Smarties. Not only is it absurd to insist on the importance of what is natural, given that we are land mammals and have built contraptions to render us airborne. And just because something is naturally inclined to a particular behaviour does not necessarily mean it ought to be… But even that assumes that your assumption about the exact nature of our sexual drives is sound. If it is not natural then why does it keep coming up?

Pillock: You really are a lily-livered liberal aren’t you?!

Everyman: Goose-stepping fascist moron! (scene ends with Pillock and Everyman hurling insults at each other in the popular press and achieving no good whatsoever...)

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WEDNESDAY 23rD FEBrUArY | THE LION

FEATURE

To AV, or not to AV

Matt McLaren explores the topic of the Alternate Vote System and explains why he thinks you should back it in the upcoming referendum Matt McLaren Heythrop Student Molly Matt McLaren

As some of you will no doubt recall, at the last HSU OGM I proposed a motion that, frankly, seemed rather dull.

I wanted to get the Student Union to throw its weight behind the ‘Yes to Fairer Votes’ campaign. Try as I might to get people enthusiastic about the upcoming referendum though, it turned out that voting systems just aren’t that sexy. Nevertheless, on the day of the debate the issue turned not on the merits or otherwise of different voting systems but rather on the appropriateness of the HSU taking a stand on such a political topic. The room was convinced, with my concurrence in the end, that the Union should not do any more than advise and educate its members.

That all having been said, however, I continue to believe that this referendum is of fundamental importance to the future of British politics and has the potential to radically alter the way that democracy operates in this country for a very long time to come (this was, after all, the only reason why I even considered asking the Union to get involved in the first place). So I am writing this today to try and convince you, each of you, that a Yes vote is better than either a No vote, or not voting at all.

The precise wording of the question is not yet entirely clear, but it will probably be something like this: ‘Should the United Kingdom switch to the Alternative Vote (AV) for elections to the House of Commons instead of the current first-past-the-post system?’

Looks pretty dull doesn’t it? Well the effect certainly isn’t. The result of this referendum has the potential to reshape how Parliament is constituted on a permanent basis, and as a result, to change how Government is done in this country. Under the first-past-the-post system (FPTP) the winning candidate in any constituency merely has to get more than any other candidate, even if only a handful of votes. As a result, a candidate can win with only small proportion of total votes cast. If, for example, the winner got 33% then 67% (more than two thirds) voted for someone else. (And if you think this figure is far fetched you should be aware that Glenda Jackson MP in Hampstead and

Kilburn won with just 32.81% of the vote in 2010.)

Conversely, under AV you get to rank your candidates in order of preference rather than just marking one candidate’s name with an ‘x’. If no one candidate gets a majority (i.e. more than 50% of the vote) of first preference votes then the one with the least votes is eliminated from the contest and the second preference votes on those ballots are redistributed as if they were first preferences. This process goes on until one candidate emerges with more than 50% of the vote. It’s a pretty simple system and the only difference as far as the voter is concerned is that instead of making just one choice s/he gets to select his or her favoured candidates in order of preference.

It sounds like a simple change, so why all the hubbub? The point is that under the current system all those votes for candidates who don’t win are completely disregarded. In fact it is extraordinarily rare for the winning candidate to actually get 50%+ votes so in most constituencies over half of the votes cast make no difference to the overall result either in the constituency election or the make-up of Parliament or the Government that is drawn from within it.

That is why the Liberal Democrats, for example, gained approximately 1 million more votes across the UK in 2010 than in 2005, but ended up losing seats. All

these extra votes did not count towards candidates winning. More importantly than any of the big three parties though, the many thousands upon thousands of votes cast for the smaller parties such the Greens, English Democrats, Socialist Workers Party, or UKIP go almost completely ignored.

Now, it is important to note that AV is not a proportional system. If the Greens get, say, 5% of the vote nationally they will not be guaranteed 5% of the seats in the Commons under AV. But, and here is the crux of the matter, most people who might be inclined to vote Green know that their votes tend to be wasted and so perhaps decide instead to vote for a less preferred candidate. So under the current system not only are the smaller parties disadvantaged but the effect on voting behaviour by people knowing about this disadvantage disadvantages them even more, and benefits the larger parties.

In effect the current system is not a level playing field, the biggest two parties reap the benefits of a system designed for a two party world that we just no longer live in. They even systemically include on their party literature messages like ‘Only the Tories or Labour can win hear’, or variations thereupon depending on the local political circumstances.

The worst effect of all of this is on

the voter. There is nothing worse than going to cast your ballot and feeling like you have to make a choice between the devil and the devil’s accountant, when on that same ballot paper sits a candidate who embodies what you actually believe in and want. But you know that your vote won’t make a difference unless you vote for one of the bigger ones.

Moreover, survey after survey has confirmed that if people genuinely believed that, say, the Liberal Democrats could win then the party would actually win far more seats, even under this outdated system. So the system not only causes disadvantages but also perpetuates even greater disadvantages just because people know how flawed it is.

This is why the Yes campaign is called the ‘Yes to Fairer Votes’ campaign.

Surely it is fairer to enable people to vote freely with their conscience knowing that if their first preference doesn’t get in, their voice is not necessarily ignored. And what’s wrong with giving people preferences anyway. Surely when you ask a friend to pick you up something from the shop you give them a second preference if what you want most isn’t there: ‘I’ll have a Snickers, but if they haven’t got one then a Mars will do.’

Of course, it isn’t quite as simple as all that. Why? Because the aggregate of individual constituency elections determines the outcome of the General Election, i.e. who forms the Government. So, if more people vote for the smaller parties, and if that means that the biggest two parties get fewer seats, then that may result in more hung parliaments and maybe coalition Governments. What to say on this? Well, first of all that’s a lot of ‘if’s. Quite frankly, we don’t yet know how voters’ actions will be changed by AV and therefore what the result will be, and that is good thing surely?! Democracy can’t be true democracy if everyone knows what’s going to happen four years in advance!

Secondly, even if more coalition Government is brought about this too is a good thing. The last single party government had a mandate of 32.5% of the vote. That means, because of our constitutional arrangements, a party that more than half of those that voted did not support had absolute control of Government and the legislative programme. Even when Labour won its landslide in 1997 it won on merely 43.2% of the vote. This is not a mandate at all, and yet for 13 consecutive years the United Kingdom was subject to the whims of just one party without any other having the power or influence to curtail the their worst excesses despite the fact that over half the country (not even including those who did not vote at all) didn’t vote for that party.

Conversely, take the current coalition. The joint vote share of the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats combined was 59.1% - over half the country voted for either the Tories or the Lib Dems.

What’s more, because CHANGING THE VOTE: Ballot Box of the nature of coaPhoto: Flickr.com lition government

neither party can implement whatever they want but only go as far as their partner will let them. The Conservatives know that the Government cannot ever, for example, repeal the Human rights Act, privatise the NHS, make access to Higher Education dependent on parental income, or withdraw from the European Union. The Liberal Democrats on the other hand know that the Government cannot ever make Higher Education free for students, abandon the UK’s Trident nuclear deterrent, make social care free for the elderly, or scrap ASBOs. That is the nature of coalition – it is compromise and negotiation. I believe it is better than giving one team absolute control for long periods of time with nothing to stop them doing whatever they like (that is, after all, how we ended up with the ID cards, control orders, and the surveillance state that the Government has now thankfully aborted). So I don’t think the so-called ‘horse-trading’ coalition necessitates is a bad thing but rather a complement to the checks and balances that the proper exercise of power requires.

Lastly, however, you may object to AV not because of any consequences for Government but because, as the Prime Minister claimed a short while ago, it is inherently unfair. It gives some people (the people who vote for the smaller parties that lose out on the first round) the chance to have their vote counted more than once, in a kind of a way.

Well, I don’t think this is an accurate picture. I think that it is important to both give people the chance to truly vote for what they want, at the same time as giving them the opportunity to state what they would rather accept if what they vote can’t win this time. AV provides this opportunity, and it provides it for everyone. In the current system people are often forced to vote against someone rather than for what they actually want, because the stakes surrounding Government are too high to risk letting the really bad guy get in.

And this leads to all the aberrations in voting behaviour I talked about earlier.

AV, while not a perfect system, is at least an improvement on what we have now. It requires that MPs get at least 50% of the vote to be elected and thus to have to really reach out to the electorate. It gives people the chance to vote for what they want, and not what they are forced to accept. It opens up the door to more pluralistic politics where more than just two or three parties dominate. It opens up the door to more representative, mandated, but also properly restricted government.

And it does this without confusing the voter or indeed giving him or her any more than what they take for granted in asking a friend to pick up a chocolate bar from the shop. Please, therefore, vote for it. On 5th May, vote Yes to fairer votes.

What do you think?

Send your thoughts to submit@ theheythroplion.co.uk Or reply on the website at theheythroplion.co.uk

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WEDNESDAY 23rD FEBrUArY | THE LION

FEATURE

A Country of Contrasts Co-Editor katie Plumb interviews Tom Hewitt, co-founder of South African Street Child Project Umthombo katie Plumb Co-Editor

Molly mM

‘Apartheid could, through its treatment of God’s children, actually make many of them doubt whether they were indeed God’s children.’ Archbishop Desmond Tutu is right to make social action in reaction to Apartheid a theological matter.

South Africa is much more similar to Brazil than other places in Africa where there is blanket poverty. Apartheid destroyed family and community infrastructure, it wasn’t simply different communities in isolation from each other. It was black or coloured parents having to work away in white areas as house staff and other menial jobs, only seeing their children once very few months. This has caused the degeneration of the family, leading to violence and other symptoms of dysfunctional family dynamics in many townships.

The division of wealth between the rich and poor is disproportionate and has been encouraged by this degeneration. There are two worlds colliding.

The White elite developments are just a short drive away from the township that dominate the isolated hillsides.

Umthombo sits precariously in downtown Durban with children from some of the most impoverished places on the continent, because the depths of poverty go deeper than poorer counties such as Mozambique. Despite the massive development in other areas such as racial equality since the abolition of Apartheid in 1994, the poor are poorer than they were under Apartheid in South Africa.

Umthombo is a Street Child project which aims to rehabilitate street children back into society, either by aiding them in going back home, or finding a new place for them to live. At their SafeSpace, they have children around the clock. They are fed three meals a day, given the opportunity to join in activities such a surfing, skating and football, and a given a place to wash and sleep. The change in the children is evident. Children who are on the street for years often suffer from malnutrition, with eighteen year olds looking no older than thirteen. The mixture of their balanced diet and daily sports programs has bought a new generation of Umthombo Street Children who no longer look like they are indeed street children; they have their dignity restored.

I found some time to meet with Tom Hewitt, Umthombo’s co-founder (he founded the project with his wife Bulelwa, who is a former street child herself.)

He studied Politics at the Jesuit University of San Francisco with a second major in Theology. “The great thing about studying with the Jesuits is their hunger for education but also their experience in the 70s and 80s of the political unrest in South America. That was inspiring.’

‘The Theology was an interesting process for me because it made me look

ON THE STrEET: Children working as mimes in South Africa. Photo: Flickr.com

back at eight years of working with street children, processing what I’d seen at that time and preparing for the future. I was interested in contextual theology because it seemed to me that a lot of mainstream Theology did not have any relevance.’ He explained how his time working in East London, South Africa, gave him food for thought and was a contributing factor for his studying of Theology. ‘I had an experience when I was working with a community living on the rubbish dumps in East London. It was during the time of the Toronto Blessing with so-called movements of revival being talked about particularly in white South Africa. I began to see it as a psychological and nervous reaction to the transformation period in South Africa. The Whites were terrified by what was happening and many white Christians were just hanging onto anything and were desperate for something, almost like a drug to blast their minds out of what was happening to the South Africa that they knew. It was a sickening time for me because there were these huge evangelical churches where these revivals were happening but down on the rubbish dumps, no one came. East London was one of the cities that was most affected by it, but no one

came to the poor. The Church leading the movement of ‘revival’ was built on land next to a squatter camp but they looked over it to the White areas behind for their congregations, they ignored the people on their doorstep as though they didn’t see them’. This had a clear affect on the young aid worker, ‘I struggled to see any relevance to this Christianity; I didn’t see truth in it. I struggled to see this tragedy that God must weep about daily; children living on rubbish dumps, eating rotten food, being raped, dying from diseases; surely if hope comes to this city, it ought to come here first. It turned my faith upside-down, I dropped out of church completely. I didn’t lose my faith, I knew that God was there but I needed to work it out.’

But Tom came out the other side of his crisis of faith, not the same man but with a new direction that is particularly evident in his study of Theology. ‘When I went to study Theology, I wanted to find Theology that had been developed from the perspective of the poor. I embraced the writings of liberation theologians. It resonated with me because it was a Theology that would work on the rubbish dumps. It became my benchmark, the test became; would this work on the rubbish dumps?’ When discuss-

ing Theology with Tom, it becomes evident how broadly he has read, liberation theology being a particular inspiration for him.

‘Liberation theology is not the be all end all to everything; it has its own context. But some contexts can be extremely helpful. The starting point for me is that the God that I believe in is an inclusive God, not an exclusive God. It causes me to ask, does this Theology describe an inclusive God or an exclusive God? Does is teach us to judge and hate or embrace and trust God? The Theology major was great; it gave me time to explore my interests. It was a privilege but it also bought responsibility. The responsibility was to make it work in the context with the kids I saw.

‘Liberation theology is about praxis, a constant cycle of reflection and action.

In a sense, one can look at life like that.

The study for me was a reflection before the action at Umthombo. I try to have an ongoing praxis in life because contexts change, I don’t think there is such a thing as static Theology. It’s okay to not agree on things or not understand things despite our thirst to know.’

The difficulty with being so widely read

is that it is hard to pin point where one’s influences come from, it appears, for Tom, to be an amalgamation of many different writers, ‘The Godfathers’ as he calls them. Gustavo Gutiérrez, Paulo Freire, Leonardo Boff. Steve Biko.

‘Though not really a theologian. I was greatly influenced by writers who were not theologians, particularly Marxist writings, though I’m not a Marxist at all. There is something interesting about left wing social action writings but their actions and conclusions are not always satisfactory for me, the writings however can be helpful.’

Over the course of our meeting, Tom mentioned a ‘Street Child Theology’ a few times. In his own praxis, he has sought to apply all that he has learnt to what he experiences each day in Durban. I asked his what he meant by the phrase.

‘Street Child Theology? Doing God in their context. It’s about seeing the Imago Dei in these children who are the supposed to be the rubbish of society and seeing Christ shining in the midst of that.’

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wednesday 23rd february | THE LION

“COMMENT.” Edited by Gala Jackson-Coombs

Iran can teach us a lot about ‘Revolution’

Matthew Wilkinson

Sam English st 1 year Undergraduate As a self-declared lefty, I love it when I can kick back in my leather arm-chair, glass of Taylors port in hand, and watch lots of those Arabic types throw rocks around and have a rollicking revolution whilst Jeeves prepares my car. There I am wafting banner with erm... I’ll call them ‘Lefty books’, for I’ve forgotten their actual titles, on my bookshelf.

That, dear reader, is how I imagine an interview with an ‘armchair revolutionary’ would have gone, had I conducted one on the matter of Egypt at the present time. I was slightly annoyed to hear of Cleggy-Weggy’s appearance on T.V. declaring how exciting he found the revolutionary actions of over one million Egyptian citizens. He reminded me of my sister, when my Mum told her she’d been bought a ticket to see Lady GaGa a few years back. Now I personally find it extremely hard not to jump around at the prospect of seeing Mr Mubarak knocked off his throne before being hurled head first into the nearest jail cell. He is a disgusting man, but it’s okay we’re told – he’s a “friend of democracy” and a supposed friend

of Israel, despite his Dictatorial rule – perhaps that explains why Obama has been so quiet about the whole issue.

Well either way, his stance is a putrid one, under his ‘stewardship’ Egypt has effectively fallen apart. I find it hard to explain just how great I think things could be for Egypt when Mubarak is replaced. I expressed this and to quote myself how great it is that “the dynamic of the Middle East is going to shift!” to a friend, but then it dawned on me – I was being an idealistic moron a la Cleggy-Weggy, I’d become my own Armchair revolutionary! Thin ice I’m told; thankfully I saw the error in my ways and the error in supposing that whoever replaces Mubarak will be any better. To throw in an example I shall hark back to the Iranian revolution of 1979.

In 1979, the Iranian’s rose up against the Shah and his feared SAVAK – a secret police force who used to hunt down the Shah’s enemies and ‘trouble causers’ before burning said peoples arms off, leaving them, to quote one SAVAK officer, looking like “human snakes”. They were a terrible cog in an even more repulsive machine that operated under the Shah’s authority.

There are many other horror stories of the Shah’s rule and even that famed Philosopher Andy Warhol began to cry out against such atrocities, despite the fact that “the Empress [Of Iran] is

a personal friend...It bothers me that people are being tortured in Persia.”

Right Andy, we’ll all bear that in mind...

All Warhol ripping aside though, the Shah’s rule was as tyrannical, if not more so, that Mubarak’s and look at Iran now – geographically just outside the Middle East, but Israel wants to attack it for its ‘Islamism’ anyway and to knock out its nuclear potential. More vitally to this debate though – the 1979 Revolution has led to awful things in turn, from glorious opportunities for freedom and, dare I say, democracy to a regime just as brutal as the Shah’s they overturned.

I’m sure most if not all of you will remember the 2009 elections in Iran – I use the term ‘election’ loosely. One journalist Henhameh Shahidi was arrested for protesting just after the elections [if I remember correctly, the Guardian ran many articles on her and those suffering a similar fate] she was duly sent to the gallows to die; but die she didn’t, it was a mock execution. Since that point she has been charged with attempting to harm security, creating propaganda against the system and been sentenced to six years imprisonment. There is a catch to her seemingly lucky story [lucky as she escaped the death sentence] – her health as Ahmadinejad knew was and

is waning. In 2010, she was seriously ill and taken to Hospital before being returned immediately – against all advice. She is luckily still alive, but still wrongly jailed – showing how barbaric supposed forces of good can become.

The barbarism of Iran is epitomised in my view however, by the terrible fate of Ms. Zahra Bahrami. A Dutch-Iranian citizen, she was jailed in 2009 and in 2010 appealed to the Dutch for legal aid. Unfortunately, access to her for the Dutch was denied, as the Iranian regime wouldn’t accept dual citizenship as a valid reason for the Dutch visiting Iranian jails. Last August, Bahrami was found to be guilty of four crimes: primarily charged with being a Monarchist, she was also described as being anti-Iranian and a member of a monarchist group. Most shockingly, one of her crimes was that she was a Mohareb – Yes the Iranian government charged a woman for being an enemy of God. This final ‘crime’ carries the death penalty in Iran. There is a final disgrace in the tale of Bahrami however as just one month later, lawyer and human rights advocate Nasrian Sotoudeh was arrested and thrown in jail for disturbing order – ending up in the same cell as (surprise surprise) one Hengameh Sahidi, before being told drugs were “discovered” in Bahrami’s home – a crime which also carries the death penalty in Iran.

Would you be surprised to find out that Sotoudeh was also Bahrami’s lawyer?

I didn’t think so. The Iranian government ‘of the people’ which was meant to be run ‘by the people’ is now executing ‘the people’; in shocking fashion.

On the 29th of January, myself and the rest of the world shifted our attention to Egypt – rightly so, but in doing so we took one eye too many off the plight of Ms. Bahrami and she was declared a ‘priority’ by the Iranian regime – meaning that she was hanged; without the knowledge of her Lawyer, family or the Dutch government but perhaps most disgustingly, she was hanged before her trial was complete.

This dictatorial regime is of the same kind that I believe could well take form in Egypt, people are already speaking of “military backed government” that inspires images of Castro in Cuba and Ahmadinejad in Iran. I am hopeful that Egypt will prove to be a beacon of successful revolution leading to Democracy, not necessarily of the British or American kind, but of an effective kind somewhere in the Middle East, but I want to urge anyone reading this, not to get too over-excited, nor too ‘Nick Clegg’ about this whole affair – we should remain all too aware of places like Iran as these allow us to see what happens when rollicking revolutions, go oh so terribly wrong.

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wednesday 23rd february | THE LION

comment

Boys and Girls in the Eyes of the Media Marc Crosby 1st year Undergraduate It seems to me that most of those in charge of making, producing, editing and marketing what films, TV programmes, music and videogames we are exposed to can’t have a very high opinion of us. What is called ‘mainstream’ is far too often awful; from the countless tired reality TV shows (such as the X factor, which portrays musical success as the ultimate end for the human species) to the soulless and empty- headed blockbusters (too many to choose from, just pick a mainstream movie from last year and statistically speaking it was probably crap), it seems quality for the masses is hard to come by. This probably explains why when something of some substance does come along (Inception perhaps), we heap over-the-top praise and hyperbole upon it, just out of the joy of not being treated like idiots. Even worse than this, however, is the way in which some of this excuse for entertainment is designated either ‘for men’ or ‘for women’.

It’s no secret that from an early age, boys and girls are given different toys to play with that portray a traditional, and potentially sexist, understanding of the roles of each sex. Where boys will be given a car to play with, girls will be given a pram; the boy will be given a gun and the girl a Barbie. This primeval interpretation, however, continues through into the media. Question, for example, what is meant by a ‘chick flick’? We usually understand this to mean a film aimed primarily at the female population; but what is it about these movies that make them so? An obvious example is the rom-com, which as a genre has a poor reputation. Romcoms are largely predictable, idealistic, unrealistic and focus on love and relationships as the source of human happiness. Being incredibly generic, they usually lack any substance or message,

besides ‘I need someone else to make me happy’. So what does it really mean to say a movie is a ‘chick-flick’? Is it really implying that in virtue of being a woman you prefer a breezy, unrealistic movie that has no substance and find dependency upon someone else an appealing message? Here’s a secret, I quite like some rom-coms, heck I’m partial to a bit of Love Actually (forgive me), but I would be offended if someone told me I ought to like it in virtue of my gender.

This bizarre trend in women’s entertainment is there for all ages. Young ‘tweens’ are being raised on Twilight - perhaps the greatest literary abomination of all time. Bella, the blandest character in all of fiction, finds total meaning in her relationship with Edward (who, completely sh*tting on the original mythology, is a muscular, handsome and sparkling vampire).

Indeed in New Moon, Bella, due to the hunky vampire’s absence, takes to putting herself in extremely dangerous positions. That’s right Stephenie Meyer, and the money-grabbing execs at the Hollywood studios who agreed to stick this rubbish on the big screen, think the message every girl ought to be hearing is ‘if your man leaves you; selfharm!’. I weep for generations being brought up thinking this is what being a woman is about (and this is not just one big rant motivated by my inferiority complex when faced with perfect examples of the male specimen). But examples abound; think of the videogame Nintendogs on the DS, described as a ‘girl’s game’. What does one do in this videogame? Well nothing really, it’s hardly a game at all; you groom, play with and walk the dog and….well… that’s it. So it’s girly, in virtue of lacking any form of substance and being a purely aesthetic experience. Don’t be fooled, sexist labelling doesn’t end there! Wait until you see a programme representative of the older woman, the unendurable Loose Women. This is what womanhood is about; gossiping with your mates about your fella, then making ill-formed judgements on current affairs (of course nothing TOO heavy) and then back to talking about your man and his failings. Is that how the media sees women?

In fairness, men don’t have it any better.

When something is described as a ‘man’s movie’ it’ll usually contain sexy women and violence, and nine times out of ten won’t bother with a real story, let alone anything as crazy as character development or intelligent themes.

Take the ultimate ‘man’s movie’ last year, The Expendables. It’s violent (lots of blood and shooting), stupid, contains emotionless macho men and a sexy lady; thus it’s for men.

Under this defini© Alexander-R tion, in virtue of be-

© Wahlander

ing a man I love violence, I don’t show emotions, I have no capacity or desire for a story and I can’t stop thinking about sex (well, the latter’s fair enough I suppose). This transcends the different media; Call of Duty is a man’s game because men love mindlessly shooting things!

Furthermore, it’s incredible how genres for men and genres for women are able to idealise the opposite sex so much that it borders on further sexism.

Male entertainment (besides the obvious) is often pretty happy to sexualise women. Videogames, in particular, are a little perverted when it comes to portraying women (Dead or Alive I’m looking at you). Think of Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider series, a perfect-

ly formed athletic woman, not even overtly sexualised, just a complete fantasy for men. And then for the females there’s Edward and Jacob in the Twilight movies, prancing around without a top (like they’re showing off…or just a little ‘special’), demonstrating they’re perfectly formed six-packs. It’s a fantasy most men just won’t live up to.

E4’s Glee attempted to tackle the issue of male insecurity but wound up doing further damage. Finn (is he meant to be good looking, I can’t tell?), expressed dissatisfaction with his body, and even claimed to ‘wear a T-Shirt in the shower’. However on removal of his top in an act of liberation from his anxiety, it was clear he had a very toned body.

So what’s the message for the everyday man? If Finn had to wear a T-Shirt in

the shower because of his body, then perhaps I ought to gouge my eyes out because of mine!

It seems the media, and indeed those in society who insist on using such terms, has got it all wrong; there are men who don’t like ‘man films’ and women who don’t like ‘chick-flicks’. The view that these genres apply to sexes seems a slightly out-dated notion now. People don’t like The Expendables in virtue of being men, they like it in virtue of being idiots. People don’t like rom-coms in virtue of being women; they like it because they are romantics at heart (and have a high tolerance of cheese).

AndTwilight fans, well….they’re just people who should be shot…

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wednesday 23rd february | THE LION

COMMENT

ask mollie

Say hello to Heythrop College’s brand new agony aunt - No problem too big or small this mischievous Ms has been through it all.

Mollie Puttock nd 2 year Undergraduate Bank Balance Blues I am a 2nd year student, and unlike other students I do not struggle with my income. My parents are reasonably well off and although I do not qualify for grants or bursaries I do receive an allowance from my parents.

I am worried that because I can afford nights out, new clothes and good food that others view me as spoilt and are jealous. I do not want to lose friends, what should I do?

At the moment university is a very diverse place with people from all different backgrounds and none of these are any better or worse than any other. You have been lucky to have this amazing financial backing from your parents and you should of course be grateful for this. In regard to this alienating you from other students there are two ways in which you could

possibly deal with this. The first is to pretend that you are no more well off than anyone else (rather easy thing to do in England as talking about money is often seen as taboo) but you then run the risk of being found out and labelled a liar. The second possibility is to simply have your money and use it as you will as surely friends of yours will understand and if they do not then perhaps they are not people that you want to be your friends.

Academic Anguish I am a 1st year student and I am having problems keeping up to date with my academic work.

I am scared of admitting this to anyone as others often exclaim that the first year of university is incredibly easy and does not count towards the final grade.

Yet it worries me that if I cannot deal with the academic pressure of this year how will I cope in the next two years of study.

Unfortunately you do not explain the reasons as to why you are not able to keep up with the academic side of

university life. There are many reasons as to why you may be struggling and I therefore urge you to make an appointment with either your personal tutor or the student support team in order to talk any problems through and hopefully find a solution. The academic issues you speak of are likely to be felt by many other students as well as yourself so there is no need to worry that you are the only one. It may also be a good idea to check the weighting of your first year and various pieces of coursework in the course or modular handbooks, most of which can be found on helios. Being a fresher is difficult as you will most likely have been uprooted from your normal life having to make new friends, look after yourself and perhaps living in a city for the first time so it is understandable to feel slightly out of place and stressed. For you general well being it is vital that you are getting enough sleep and eating well as these things are often the first things to go when worry sets in.

Lamenting Love I am a 1st year student having

problems with my love life.

I have been with my partner since school and we are now both studying at university at opposite sides of the country.

Recently I have started getting feelings for another person but I am still with my partner. I have not cheated but I am weighing up my options. I do not want to hurt anyone or ruin what has been a good relationship and I do not know as to whether this other person is interested in me.

Right, you have a lot of thinking to do and all these decisions have to be made by you. So all that I can do is provide you with different angles from which to look at the issue. Firstly you need to look at the state of your current relationship and as to whether it makes you both happy. It seems that the real problem lies with this relationship and not with the new person you have met.

Perhaps you need to put this person out of your mind for the moment and concentrate on your partner and yourself. Talk to your partner, listen

to and consider their opinions on your relationship and you may come to an amicable agreement as to what to do next. That way hopefully no one will get too hurt and all parties can be happy with the new situation. If you and your partner are completely opposed on the status of your relationship you need to realise that if you don’t want to be with them anymore you must make this known and break it off. As in the long run that is better than being in a relationship and hating it.

All questions are printed as anonymous and all answers are simply advice.

Questions may be edited in order to protect the identity of the person in question.

If you would like advice on any issue there will be an envelope in which to deposit your questions in the HSU office.

These principles have not just been dreamt up by policy wonks for the 2010 manifesto, but instead form a foundational philosophy adhered to by many modern Conservatives. They also stretch back into political history, from Edmund Burke’s appeal that we should “love the little platoon we belong to in society” to the development of ‘One Nation’ Conservatism. Over the last decade similar themes have emerged from the misleadingly named Direct Democracy movement, and Iain Duncan Smith’s Centre for Social Justice among others. The ‘Big Society’ cannot simply disappear from Conservative thinking, even if that particular presentation of it were to fall out of favour.

For those not familiar with the thinking outside its current formulation (for which read most voters), there is ample reason to suspect that public spending cuts are the real motivation behind the Big Society. After all, there was no talk of any kind of ‘big society’ pre-downturn. Irrespective of whether the Chancellor boosts money available to statereliant charities and other third sector bodies in his upcoming budget, this is an appealing argument.

The Big Society can only become popular post-downturn. Could Wikipedia help sell it?

Edward Cain 3 year Undergraduate rd

Big Society thinking has a long history, but its modern formulation has failed to gain traction with the public. This

has more to do with the ease of questioning its motives than with the policy itself.

policymakers eager to save money and accelerate reduction of the structural deficit. This is not the case.

Looking at political rhetoric today, you could be forgiven for thinking that the ideas behind the Conservatives’ Big Society have only just burst onto the political stage, fervently cheered along by

The leading article in today’s Times presents a neat formulation of Big Society thinking: “Government cannot solve every social

problem. The public sector cannot go on expanding indefinitely. Power in Britain is too concentrated. Actions done voluntarily are preferable, other things being equal, to those that are mandated. A thriving society needs vibrant institutions and citizens who play an active role in their locality.”

The timing is unfortunate, but that should not be blamed on the government. Central Conservative philosophy can hardly wait for the next Parliament, or else the government’s actions will seem to be based on an ideology of cuts.

Spending cutbacks need only slow the implementation, not delay it indefinitely. Public support, on the other hand, may remain absent until finances are well in the clear.

Even without the downturn, the public needs an easy and familiar way to visualise Big Society values in action.

Wikipedia is the perfect visualisation: it is a powerful example of what can be achieved by placing trust, power and responsibility in the hands of the wider population. Could it be just what the government needs to invigorate support?

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wednesday 23rd february | THE LION

comment

Raiders of the Public Good JT White 1st year Undergraduate Since the resurgence of market liberalism in the late 1970s, the subsequent rise of neoliberalism as social democracy was “rolled back” toward the end of the Cold War by Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan. This served at first as an answer to the failure of institutions, public services and the welfare state to provide people with a better life. The ultimate aim being to tear down old bureaucracies, hand over the parts to the people and the forces of the market in order to liberate the individual and to produce a highly competitive market which automatically responds to the demands of the individual. Not society you notice, but the individual. For society did not exist according to the Thatcherites and in effect the Reaganites bought into this as well. The theories underlying the radical transformation of society that followed were based on a pessimistic view of human nature which it sought to predict through rational equations. The assumptions of human nature were a product of the paranoid climate of the Cold War in the 1950s and 60s.

In the late 1980s Thatcher sought to fundamentally alter the National Health Service and overhaul the medical establishment before replacing it with a brand spanking new system of efficient management. It would be a system in which all subjective values, which may corrupt the system, are stripped away and replaced with strictly rational methods along with mathematically defined performance targets and incentives to reward efficiency. The system was designed to push public servants to strive for efficiency and compete with one another by engineering the conditions of the

free-market within organised medicine. Competition was created within the NHS through incentives combined with performance targets to recreate the pressures of the free-market. This would “liberate” the public servants from the control bureaucrats and mobilise self-interest in public health. The Thatcherites saw to it that the healthcare system underwent a thorough process of marketisation, which would initiate the stealth privatisation of the NHS. At the expense of society as a collective whole and notions of the public good were thrown out of the window with a cynical ferocity that identified all idealism as naivety. In the place of society a utopian vision was to arise, it would be an atomistic arrangement of free individuals interacting in the market place out of self-interest and whereby the flaws of democracy would be supplemented by market forces. In theory the market, as a medium of consent, would adjust to the consumers and produce what the public demanded. This would make the captains of industry not coldhearted capitalists, but men of the people who had been “chosen” above the masses to such privileged status by the market. It would be the meritorious man and woman who would be elevated in this way. Just like the corporate raiders of the 1980s the Right acted to tear apart the post-war settlement and take us back to the halcyon days of the free-market in the 19th Century for the sake of Hayekian progress.

Alain Enthoven was the principle architect and theorist behind the early reforms to the NHS. Though Enthoven’s ideas had first been applied in the US military-industrial complex at the height of the Cold War. Robert McNamara overlooked the transformation of the Pentagon which Enthoven initiated

to replace patriotism with an analytical system of rational understanding rooted in mathematics. The view of human nature on which these equations depended originated in game theory as drawn up by John Nash, who worked at the RAND Corporation. By relying on the assumption that all human behaviour is embedded in the Cold War, the self-interest of each individual could be balanced in an equilibrium as the actions of every individual is perfectly adjusted to the actions of others. Nash was a paranoid schizophrenic at the time and believed he was part of a secret group sent to combat a Communist conspiracy. According to the analytical system McNamara attempted to run the Vietnam war with performance targets that led to American troops killing civilians and lying about the number of dead to sway the Body Count - a measure of the success of the war.

John Major took power after the fall of the Iron Lady in 1990 and the Grey Man promised the British people “nothing less than a revolution in the way public services are delivered, it will be the most comprehensive quality initiative ever launched.” At the heart of Major’s reforms was the same cynical liberal wisdom that saw the human being as a self-interested and manipulative unit.

All the noise about the public good in the old institutions of the welfare state was hypocrisy, for Major it needed to be transformed into a strenuous and dynamic form of service. Major sought to utilise the public servants “liberated”

by Thatcher and harness the power of self-interested individualism with the understanding that “private vices reap public benefits”. To accomplish this the Major government set additional mechanisms to ensure a high standard of service and such standards were raised.

All of these mechanisms and “tougher” standards were based in mathematical

equations which were presupposed by the simplistic and dark view of human beings that came out of the RAND Corporation.

These market reforms were intensified under Tony Blair and were applied to every area of public service and government. As in the case of war the market reforms have proven to be unsuccessful in always resulting in the desired outcome. When targets were introduced to slash waiting lists the management of hospitals began to hire consultants to perform the easiest operations first whilst complicated operations were no longer prioritised. In some cases the management would even time an operation at a time when a patient were not present, this was done purely to cut waiting lists. The job of the “Hello Nurse” was invented to greet patients in casaulty which officially meant that the patients had been “seen” and could be removed from the waiting list. When the government then set a target to cut the number of patients waiting on trolleys, hospital management swiftly redefined trolleys as “beds” and the corridors as “walls” to justify removing the patients from the list. This kind of behaviour was incentivised as pay was attached to performance.

On both sides of the Atlantic the conservative and liberal administrations of the last 30 years have “rolled back” the welfare state in the name of unleashing individualism and the forces of the market. Power has been transferred from public servants to unaccountable bureaucrats in private companies for the sake of efficiency. The pressures of the markets were recreated within the internal market of public services through performance targets and incentives, which were calculated according to equations that were based on a simplified and bleak vision of human

nature. The shift to supply-side economics and monetarism led to a mixed economy in which costs are socialised and profits are privatised. Finance became a central aspect of the economy and taxes were slashed for the wealthy whilst regressive taxes raised in many cases. Ultimately the ratio of public spending to GNP has increased since the 80s and all of these administrations have not actually decreased the size of government. The actions of these administrations are similar to that of the corporate raiders, who would buy the majority of shares in a company only to fire the workforce and sell it off bit by bit.

The UK coalition government are currently implementing a set of reforms, on top of the spending cuts, to public services and health-care. These reforms will transfer greater power from the state to the market, whilst new pressures are introduced into public work to drive for greater efficiency and competition. Public spending is being cut in the UK in order to cut taxes and taxes are being cut in order to cut spending in the US. The NHS is not being ring fenced, the reforms are not only about enhancing the marketisation of the Service and a stealth privatisation is underway. Just as there was talk of a Community Vibrancy Index under New Labour there is similar talk of a Happiness Index under the Con-Dem Coalition. David Cameron wants to end the state-monopoly on public services by giving the private sector the power to bid for the bulk of public work. These reforms amount to a “battering ram to break open monopolies” to quote the Prime Minister. If the market reforms to the NHS are allowed to pass the Service will be subject to greater pressures and the state bureaucracy will be replaced with an unaccountable bureaucracy in the private sector.

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wednesday 23rd february | THE LION

CuLTUrE

Music: Adele - 21 Almaz Messenger nd 2 year Undergraduate It’s been a while, and she has been missed. Ever since she burst onto the scene like the Florence, Ellie Goulding or Jessie J of her year with her strong, melancholy voice and then seemingly dropped off the radar ‘Chasing Pavements’ and ‘Hometown Glory’ etched as classics into UK music, she has been missed. But now, she’s back with her big voice, big personality, big laugh – a whole lot of bigness. And this, her new album is pretty big too. At 17 tracks, it’s pretty big for a single CD album, and it is a stonker, frankly. Rolling in the Deep is an urgent, sixties tinged affair, starting with just the strummed guitar and Adele proclaiming that a fire is starting in her heart. By the time the thumping bass has come in and the deliberate piano has arrives, and the bridge hits with verging on frantic backing singers, there’s a fire starting in your heart too. In a good way. The next track, Rumor Has It, doesn’t relent. The bass drum and sixties woman-scorned feel is not going anywhere.

Tracks like Turning Tables see a reprise of the ballad master in Adele. Her voice carries the melody perfectly, and the piano accompaniment is reminiscent of the glory of Hometown Glory. The rest

of the album is good, old, safe ballads.

But that’s what Adele is an expert at.

Don’t You Remember is a little dreary, admittedly, but tracks like Someone Like You show just how touching good, old, safe ballads can be. Lyrically, everything is easy to understand and literal, the exact right word at the right time (especially in Someone Like You, Set Fire To The Rain and Turning Tables) making the songs immediately hard hitting. Lovesong, with its Spanish guitar and restrained organs, is a nice change to the flow and feel of the album, although maybe not in tempo.

A couple of live tracks take the places of 16-17, which is always nice, and as it’s Adele, even more so as she really comes into her own live.

Adele still has still kept the rawness and effortless storytelling that we remember from three years ago, and furthermore confirms her finesse at creating flawless ballads. Bereft of auto tune and synths (which I am in no way against, used properly, and if your name is not Jason Derulo), it’s a good old-fashioned welcome break from a lot of Top 40 pop, within which it’s tracks will be popping up in between on The Chart Show on a Sunday afternoon. Sure, there isn’t really any risk taking on this LP, but as they say, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Especially in this case.

Film: Tangled Thomas Newman 2nd year P.R.E At the moment Tangled is the most expensive animated movie of all time, having costed $260 million. Disney have already made a great profit from this latest princess movie, but how good is it? Will it become a family classic like so many other great Disney fairytales?

Tangled is the story of Rapunzel, with the tower, exceedingly long blonde hair, a crazy witch, and everything that is needed for the story. Of course like other modern remakes of classic fairytales, there are a few things added to give it a little something new; one of the best additions in my opinion being the chameleon called Pascal. Truly awesome! The story is a pretty standard affair but, as is expected from Disney, it is told exceptionally well and is further helped by the stunning graphics. It is a truly beautiful movie, an animated masterpiece. It is clear much of the huge budget for this movie went into making it look as gorgeous, if not more so, then any work by Pixar or Dreamworks to date.

The voices and background music have been chosen and picked wonderfully, each actor suiting their character perfectly, especially Mandy Moore as Rapunzel for both her speech and singing

were clearly a great choice. The songs in the movie are ok, but in my opinion nothing of note in comparison to other great Disney tunes. The movie is solid all round and is enjoyable enough but I believe it falls short of ever being a true Disney great.

Tangled is a great sounding, great looking, and delightful movie but we have come to expect this from Disney so much that without something different to help it, something to make it stand out, it seems to fall short slightly.

Whether it is because this is a Disneyonly project, not one aligned with Pixar I’m not sure, but it seemed to lack something that is shown in movies created by Disney Pixar of late. It lacks some of the charm of say Up or WallE in my opinion, and only seems to be marginally better looking. It is a good movie, but when I think of what else Disney has done it just doesn’t seem as good.

If Rapunzel had been made by a less known studio, or one that hasn’t had such an incredible influence on movies, I would rate it slightly higher. It could be that Disney has just spoiled us with too many great movies for Rapunzel to truly stand out as a great example of western animation.

A great movie, definitely worth seeing though I am not sure if it is as good as Disney’s other works.

© Karen Blue

The Student Hob: Pie!

to line your greased pie dish (adding any leftover bits to the remaining blob).

Carefully place an ovenproof plate inside the dish and blind bake it for 10 minutes.

For the filling:

Francesca Gosling 2nd year Undergraduate Just to try something a little different, I decided to put this issue’s menu to the vote. The most enthusiastic contribution came from our very own editor, Alex Hackett, who put in a request for the nation’s simple favourite: pie.

But with the specific detail that it be a “dessert pie” and “not a horrible meat pie”. So, for this very occasion I have concocted the Hackett Pie...and it isn’t a euphemism for a farmers’ orgy!

For the pastry: 300g plain flour 150g cold butter (cut into small pieces) 100g granulated sugar 1 large egg beaten with a couple of tablespoons of milk.

Preheat the oven at 180 and rub together the flower, butter and sugar in a large bowl until it looks like breadcrumbs. Then add the liquid and firmly fold the mixture together with a roundbladed knife or rubber spatula until the dough is together in one ball. Wrap it in cling film and leave it in the fridge for 30 minutes. Next take 2/3 of the dough blob and roll it out on a floured surface so that it is thin but can be picked up

In a large bowl, mix together: 4 large dessert apples and 2 ripe pears (peeled, cored and chopped into small chunks) 1 handful of raspberries The juice of half an orange (or 3 tablespoons of orange juice) 4 tablespoons of golden syrup Putting it together:

Spread the filling evenly over the pie base and scatter with 50g chopped or flaked almonds.

Next, take the remaining raw pastry, divide it into smaller blobs and roll them into sausages. Criss-cross these over the top of the pie to make a lattice pattern, slightly flattening them as you go.

Lastly brush the whole surface of the pie with a little milk before returning it to the oven to bake for 40 minutes, checking occasionally, until it is a lovely golden brown and the fruit is bubbling away happily underneath.

This recipe does take a bit of time, but the result is pretty welcoming after a week of miserable February weather! If baking it yourself isn’t really your idea of entertainment, look out for upcoming videos of Alex having a go..

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WEDNESDAY 23rD FEBrUArY | THE LION

Theatre: Love Story John Ord Culture Editor As with most reviews, I will preface this by saying that I have neither read the highly successful original novel by Erich Segal, nor seen the even more lucrative Hollywood film and was thus going into the show without expectation or bias, as it appeared most of the audience was.

The set was laid out in a sparse fashion; the whole stage was painted and covered in white, including the instruments and props for the band at the back. The lone exception was a black grand piano in the centre, forming a focal point that turned out to not be that much of a focal point in the story at all.

The show opened with a musical number that was endearing and almost enchanting but the class of the song was eventually undermined by its reprises and before long I was looking forward

 to the next song. This turned out to be somewhat unfortunate as the vast majority of the songs sounded more or less the same, so floating in a chorus or two from a different song went almost unnoticed. The whole show sounded the same and the way the songs were staged had very little variation indeed.

Having said that, there was a very impressive scene where Michael xavier and Emma Williams sang a very energetic and fast-paced song while cooking themselves some pasta. Credit given where credit is due.

The general acting was rather disappointing as well. With the exception of Peter Polycarpou as the ill-fated Jenny’s father, Phil, there was very little genuine characterisation. Polycarpou brought a depth and a realistic comedy to the show, his character being far more human than the rest of them and, as a result, far easier to connect with.

The rest of the cast seem to have picked one element of their character and run with it so that they weren’t so much people as two-dimensional representa-

Food: The Melange Francesca Gosling 2nd year Undergraduate

in, with each individual slab at £1. And still there are more tantalising treats on offer with events including workshops and wine tasting all hosted in the shop!

If any of you are avid BBC radio London listeners and didn’t spend your Valentine’s evening wrapped around that special someone you may remember hearing the rich, sweet, French accent of a lady who can only be described as South London’s very own Vianne rocher. Isabelle is a true inspiration to anyone wanting to turn their personal passion into a unique and successful business!

Even more to Isabelle’s credit, she has not allowed for her gem to become consumed by larger establishments despite several offers and today’s tricky economy. Instead she prefers to commit herself to her shop and her dedication genuinely shows. In her own words “it’s easy enough to follow a basic recipe, but to make it different and look really good takes a lot more effort and passion”.

As we sat by the studio doors waiting for her hour on Joanne Good’s show we started chatting about how she came to open a gorgeous chocolaterie-cafe, The Melange at 184 Bellenden road, which would even impress Joanne Harris.

Here, Isabelle hand-makes every one of her mouth-watering chocolate concoctions using all sorts of fruity, herby, spicy and liqueur flavours: vanilla with coconut, mint with cumin and, my personal favourite, aniseed and coffee! Yet beneath all these unusual flavours she has managed to develop a light and delicate chocolate texture that’s truly original.

Isabelle has most certainly achieved this as her culinary magic doesn’t stop at chocolate bars and beautifully constructed chocolatey gifts; in The Melange she serves a hot chocolate so thick it is perhaps best described as chocolate “soup”. Most impressive of all, however, is the chocolate cake which is, in all honesty, the most extraordinary cake I have ever tasted – and everyone in the studio agreed!

But if the exotic flavour and bubbly hostess aren’t enough to tingle your taste buds then perhaps the wonderfully reasonable pricing will lure you

So if you are up for a real chocolate experience, Isabelle welcomes everyone! She has truly earned her various awards and positive reviews with The Melange and I honestly think the trip is worth it for anyone.

For any more details on Isabelle’s work just visit www.themelange.com

Seen a good gig? Been to an amazing restaurant? Send us a review, tell Heyhrop about it!

Submit at theheythroplion.co.uk

tions. Instead of being a fully developed person, Jenny was an intelligent pianist and Oliver was a confident lawyer. It was frustrating because the scope was there in the script to make a lot of the characters and at various points you could see the actors trying to do so but their efforts were one-off moments and not endorsed by sustained development.

The whole show used a very simple style, which would have worked it if was done with greater depth. As it was, the effect this intentionally simple approach turned out to be bland at best.

There was very little dynamic and all the dynamics that were in place were either predictably the same or had their foundations in the ether. The whiteness of the set worked well with the props that were wheeled on and off, which I liked, but it didn’t help the severe lack of character to the show.

My judgement is that the show rested on its laurels too much, like a general leading a roman Legion into battle against some disorganised locals it relied too heavily on reputation and took far too many losses in what should have been an easy victory. The fact that it is based on an already incredibly successful franchise and has the talents of Michael Ball on board, albeit as the producer, seemed to be enough to draw

audiences into the theatre. Once inside and the curtain up the story was left to do all the work. There was no added colour to it, there was no individuality to it; it was very much the story and not much else. The story is a good one, but even a good story can be told badly and this was in danger of turning into that poor grandparent who falls asleep reading their grandchildren bedtime stories.

It was a short show, two hours without an interval and I’m not sure why. Admittedly, more of the same would have sent me to sleep myself but giving the cast more room and more time to develop their characters and the subtle nuances of life that were missing would have been time well spent. The fact that everyone who really enjoyed the show were clearly privy to the story beforehand implies that the show is only worth seeing if you’ve read the book, which I think is indicative of a bad adaptation more than anything else.

Lack of awareness of the book a show is based on should not have such a detrimental effect on the ability of the show to stand on its own.

The show was sad from the beginning and when she eventually dies at the end you find yourself wondering what she was giving up on as there wasn’t much

cULTURE

excitement beforehand. resigned to lamentation throughout, the show just came across as very one-dimensional, jumping through hoops and ticking boxes as opposed to thinking outside of them and developing something new.

I’m not saying that there weren’t good things about the show, there were quite a few things that were done very well, but there wasn’t enough to provide balance or nuance to an underdeveloped show.

The one poignant line in the whole show that stood out to me, ‘love’s not what you feel it’s what you do’ was seriously downplayed, coming in at the end of one of the series of lamenting and tedious songs, and almost went unnoticed. I think that most of the audience missed it entirely. Perhaps the moral of this particular love story is that you need to do a whole lot more.

Written by Erich Segal; Adapted by Stephen Clark; Music by Howard Goodall; Directed by Rachel Kavanaugh; at the Duchess Theatre; Starring Emma Williams, Michael Xavier, Peter Polcarpou, Richard Cordery, Jan Hartley, Paul Kemble, Gary Milner; Runs from 27 Nov 10 26 Feb 11.

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WEDNESDAY 23rD FEBrUArY | THE LION

cULTURE

Film: Gnomeo and Juliet 

John Underwood Alumnus According to Wikipedia, romeo and Juliet “may be the most-screened play of all time”. We’re not arguing. The many and varied homages to Shakespeare’s tale of star-cross’d lovers range from the epic (Cukor, 1936) to the MTV-tastic (Luhrmann, 1996) via the underage-breastacular (Zeffirelli, 1968) – not forgetting romeo Must Die, perhaps the only adaptation to recycle an NrA slogan. In many ways, all Hollywood has been doing is killing time until Ozzy Osbourne felt like voicing a concrete fawn.

In Verona Drive, Mr Capulet (richard Wilson) and Miss Montague (Julie Walters) are fighting a slow, grim war of attrition over the adjoining gardens of their gaudy semis. The weapons are garden ornaments, the tactics are decorative and the planning permission must take bloody hours. But unbeknownst to them, their collections of conveniently colour-coded gnomes are also locked in a bitter feud, helmed by redcap chief Lord redbrick (Michael Caine) and Bluecap leader Lady Bluebury (Maggie Smith). Yes, you read that right. Bluecap scion Gnomeo (McAvoy) likes nothing more than besting redcap champion Tybalt (Jason Statham) in illicit lawnmower races, but when he inadvertently falls for Lord redbrick’s only daughter (Blunt) his feelings risk getting in the way of the vendetta. Can Gnomeo and Juliet escape to an abandoned plot and begin their own garden in a world free from the prejudice they have always known, or will the colour of their stupid pointy hats prove too great a barrier? It’s as if Shakespeare died as a child…

There are lots of good things about Gnomeo and Juliet. The cast is obviously stellar (I haven’t even mentioned

Patrick Stewart, have I?), the script has enough clever lines to neutralise its more stultifying moments and the overall tone is reminiscent of early noncrap Shrek, with plenty of Easter eggs for long-suffering parents – director Kelly Asbury was responsible for Shrek 2, and he’s lost none of his touch. I particularly enjoyed the stolen lines from Forrest Gump and Brokeback Mountain, and there’s at least one soothing pop-cultural reference (The Matrix?

Check. American Beauty? Check.) for every time a Shakespeare line is viciously raped. It will, however, be many weeks before I forget Gnomeo’s parting shot before he heads off for a lawnmower race with Tybalt: “red? I hate the word.” Wince.

The spirit of the original story is present throughout much of the film, which cleverly borrows from iconic adaptations as well as the text itself – keep an eye open for rip-off swimming pool moments – but things feel increasingly wobbly as we head into the final act with the absolute knowledge that the day is about to be saved in a frustratingly saccharine manner. I’m not so much of a misery as to wish the cutesy little gnomes dead, but there’s something about a contrived, inevitable happy ending that’s almost more depressing than a pair of teenagers committing suicide. And if there’s anything worse than that, it’s an hour and a half of instrumental Elton John. Jesus.

Elton has reportedly been involved with this project for a decade – both he and civil partner David Furnish are listed as producers – but his constant interruptions were unquestionably the worst thing about Gnomeo and Juliet (quite a pronouncement given that he’s up against, amongst other things, a lawnmower advert voiced by Hulk Hogan).

Everyone likes a bit of Crocodile rock, no argument there, but after the third action scene featuring a symphonic string rendition of the chorus from Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting I wanted to reach through the screen and choke the glittery bastard on his big kooky glasses and terrific sense of entitlement. Elton’s strategy was evidently to take a reasonable (if kitsch) idea and then ram it down the audience’s throats until they’re not sure if they enjoyed it or they want to die – and as with soundtracks, it seems, so with films.

HaPPY 21ST aDaM!

If things get better with age then Adam Hutchinson must be reaching near perfection. On the 17th March twenty one years ago the world was blessed with his arrival, now that blessing has matured and we Heythropians have had the pleasure of knowing him. In a recent discussion about his age Adam spoke about how often he feels subjugated by the youth of today; ‘I’m old and in the news you see how us elderly are bullied by you young rif raf’. With the hope of bridging the generation gap, we would like to wish Adam the very happiest of Birthdays, because we love him. Even if he is old.

Birthday coming up? Announce it here! Send your messages to birthdays@theheythroplion.co.uk