Prayer as a Place by HGM Publishing

PRAISE FOR PRAYER AS A PLACE

“I found this book very accessible and practical. Reading this book is like having a conversation with Charles; his pastoral gift really comes through.” Dr. Donna McCoy psychologist, educator and spiritual director in Santa Fe, New Mexico “Charles Bello has a marvelous gift that enables him to present timeless truths in an easy to read, contemporary manner. His new book, Prayer as a Place, gives a clear and concise challenge for believers to return to the ancient practice of biblical, contemplative prayer. It comes across as a relaxed read, yet it’s a refreshing word in a weary world. It is a must-read for all serious believers.” John Chasteen assistant dean of Southwestern Christian University Graduate School, columnist for Charisma and Ministry Today magazines “I have known Charles for almost 30 years. He is a passionate disciple, following Jesus wholeheartedly. He knows the victories and joys of experiencing the power of Christ, the disillusionment and pain of fractured friendships, challenging hard decisions and his own inward brokenness. All of this has shaped him into the man that he is. “This book is an invitation and a roadmap into a transformational relationship with Christ.” Martin Buehlman church planter, national director of Vineyard Churches in Germany, Austria and Switzerland

“Charles Bello’s honest, transparent journey to intimacy with God will be a great encouragement to many. As a pastor/leader he wrestles with the common struggles of identity and security. By applying three dimensions of prayer he shares his journey into inner peace and fulfillment.” Dr. Garnet E. Pike dean of Southwestern Christian University Graduate School “Many devoted Christians today are famished. They are starving to know God – really know Him. Our activist culture has invaded the church and suggested that increased good activities can somehow compensate for our spiritual impoverishment. Charles Bello reminds us that work for God flows out of our relationship with Him, but it is never an adequate replacement for intimacy with Him. “Pastor Bello’s important book, Prayer as a Place, calls you to ongoing communion with the triune God and transformation by His presence. This veteran pastor challenges us to weld together the ‘good works’ motivation of evangelicals with the inward life of the monastics. As Pastor Bello wisely observes, ‘Christ-centered contemplative prayer will always take you inward and back outward.’ “There is a growing library of newer books on the value of spiritual disciplines, but Prayer as a Place is somehow unique. Guaranteed: Your walk with Christ will be forever enriched by reading this book.” David Shibley author of A Force in the Earth, founder and president of Global Advance “Charles is a mentor and friend. For years he has been training missionaries how to truly connect with Jesus and allow him to heal and transform the innermost places of character, motives and attitudes. The tools Charles provides in Prayer as a Place are not lofty theory, but simple, practical and easy to apply. This book has been one of the greatest blessings of this last year! We have been giving it out to everyone!” John & jamie Zumwalt authors of Passion for the Heart of God and Simple Obsession, founders of Heart of God Ministries missionary training agency

PRAYER AS A PLACE CHARLES BELLO

SPIRITUALITY THAT TRANSFORMS

Copyright © 2008 by Charles Bello ISBN-13: 978-0-9679781-4-7 All rights reserved. The author retains international copyright. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles. Printed in the United States of America Published by HGM Publishing 3720 S. Hiwassee Rd. Choctaw, OK 73020-6128 Layout and cover design: Justin Falk Chapter title artwork & illustrations: Bjorn Bauer, www.bjornbauerart. com All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotations marked NAS are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1 975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NCV are taken from the New Century Version. Copyright © 2005 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

VIII

FOR DIANNA

XII

C O N T E N T S ACKNOWLEDGMENTS SECTION 1 FOLLOWING CHRIST INWARD

01 02 03 04

AN INVITATION AND A WARNING SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES AS A PLACE TO ENCOUNTER JESUS SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES AS A PLACE TO ENCOUNTER OURSELVES OUR SPIRITUAL JOURNEY: CULTIVATING AN INNER LIFE THAT SUSTAINS OUTWARDLY-FOCUSED LIVING

SECTION 2 ANCIENT PATHS TO CHRISTIAN SPIRITUALITY

05 06 07 08 09 10 11

CONTEMPLATIVE PRAYER AS A PLACE DEVELOPING A SABBATICAL RHYTHM CENTERING PRAYER: RESTING IN GOD THE EXAMEN: PAYING ATTENTION TO GOD JOURNALING AS A PLACE OF PRAYER AND TRANSFORMATION WALKING WITH GOD LECTIO DIVINA: ENCOUNTERING GOD IN THE BIBLE

SECTION 3 MAKING A LASTING CHANGE

12 13

A TRACK TO RUN ON ENCOUNTERING GOD TOGETHER: PROCESSING YOUR INNER LIFE WITH OTHERS

APPENDICES

01 02 03

LECTIO DIVINA: THEMES LECTIO DIVINA: OUTLINE RECOMMENDED RESOURCES FOR THE INNER LIFE

NOTES

XVI

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

When I was in my early thirties, I had been pastoring for only a few years. I had made many of the mistakes that young, inexperienced pastors make—I preached too long, thought all my ideas were inspired by God, had boundless energy and enthusiasm that I mistook for the anointing of the Holy Spirit, had little patience for those who were not one hundred percent behind me, and believed that I would not make the same mistakes as other leaders. (I not only repeated many of their mistakes, I even made some new ones on my own.) I had been a pastor for about five years when I was invited to lunch by a couple a little older than me. I had a tremendous love and respect for them both. They were very dedicated parents, loyal members of the church, and very supportive of me and my wife. But I had noticed for months that they seemed to be drifting from the church, so I wasn’t surprised when, after some small talk, they shared that they believed that God was “moving them on.” I told them how much I appreciated their love and support over the years, and I asked if they were thinking about being a part of another new church plant. The man responded before he had a chance to edit his words. “I don’t think we have the energy to raise another pastor,” he said. Immediately, both he and his wife were embarrassed, but I laughed and genuinely thanked them for raising me. They continue to be friends. In my early years of parenting, I heard that, “Parents don’t raise children, children raise parents.” I think that the same can be said of churches. Pastors don’t grow churches, churches grow pastors. I will be forever grateful for those men and women who believed in us and joined with my wife and me as we sought to partner with Christ and his mission in the world. Oklahoma City Vineyard, thank you for helping to grow us up.

Special thanks to my family. Being a pastor is hard; being a pastorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kid is harder still. Nathan, Laura, Emily, Joseph, Levi and Jean-Luc, I love you all. You have done a great job of raising parents. Special thanks to my daughter Laura Bauer and good friend Jennifer Gillham for reading over my early drafts and giving me much needed input, and to Audrey Falk for serving me as an editor. Her editing skills and patience have made this book much more accessible. But most of all, I want to thank my wife. Dianna has been my greatest fan and strongest critic. Her probing questions, listening ear and insightful comments keep me honest. We married young and shared the joys and trials of maturing together. I will always be grateful to you for your love and companionship.

XVIII

F O L L O W I N G C H R I S T I N WA R D

AN INVITATION AND A WARNING “Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.” Revelations 3:19–21 In 1994, I was in prayer, asking God to empower me for ministry, when I heard him whisper in my heart, If you don’t let me love you, you won’t finish the race. I pondered this statement for a while. It sounded like both an invitation and a warning. I had been pastoring for more than ten years. I had preached on the love of God many times. In fact, I had a reputation for being a very loving and kind person. I asked God, How do I let you love me? He responded with a memory of me holding one of my children in my arms. My child was not doing

chapter 1 anything but resting in my arms, letting me love him. God seemed to be saying that he wanted me to do the same with him—simply rest in him, do nothing but let him love me. So I began to set aside time every day to simply lie on the floor or make myself comfortable in an overstuffed easy-chair and invite God to come and love me. After a few months of this practice, I was asking God the Father for more passion for his Son, when I heard him whisper in my heart, You don’t need more passion for Jesus. You need to know his passion for you. This revolutionized my understanding of Christianity. This seemed to echo the words of the apostle John, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us” (1 John 4:10). I began to devote an hour or so a day to being with God and letting him love me. In the process, I found myself refreshed and recharged. In the months that followed, I found myself reading Dallas Willard’s The Spirit of the Disciplines. His assertion was that in order to be an authentic follower of Jesus, one needs to practice the disciplines that Jesus practiced. His premise resonated deep within me. We can become like Christ by doing one thing—by following him in the overall style of life he chose for himself. If we have faith in Christ, we must believe that he knew how to live. We can, through faith and grace, become like Christ by practicing the types of activities he engaged in, by arranging our whole lives around the activities he himself practiced in order to remain constantly at home in fellowship of his Father. What activities did Jesus practice? Such things as solitude and silence, prayer, simple and sacrificial living, intense study and meditation upon God’s Word and God’s ways, and service to others.1 As I began practicing the disciplines myself, I began teaching them as well. I made the classic mistake of simply seeing spiritual disciplines as activities rather than the means for creating a space to be encountered by God. I soon found out that adding more activities to an already busy schedule is a recipe for failure. I shared my practice of letting God love me with an older pastor that I respected, and he seemed to roll his eyes. Something inside of me felt a little embarrassed. Soon the busyness and responsibility of ministry 26

chapter 1 would be more successful at this point in my life. But I felt it was too late for a career change. If you had asked me how I was doing, I would have responded with, “Great! But things could always be better,” and then run through a list of wonderful things I saw God doing. I hated the idea of attending a retreat, but we’d been invited by our good friend, Judy Davids. Judy is a missionary, counselor and educator. She’d been commissioned by our denomination to develop retreats for burned-out pastors and their spouses. Sitting around and navel-gazing was not attractive to me; it seemed like an extreme waste of time. To make matters worse, this was a ten-day retreat. Ten days without a computer, ten days of no cell phone, ten days with no outside contact, and ten days with no ministry. Looking around at the other couples present, I wondered how many of the pastors were there for their depressed wives as well. A couple of days into the retreat, as I started to slow down, I began to suspect that I might be in trouble. There was an assignment to go off by ourselves and invite Jesus into the deepest parts of ourselves. We were to journal our conversation. I hated journaling; I had dozens of journals under my bed, all beginning and ending within the first weeks of January. I was a total failure at keeping journals. As I pondered my assignment to invite Jesus into the deepest parts of my life, I was startled to discover that I did not want Jesus in the deepest parts of my life. He was knocking at the door, and I did not want to let him in. I found myself bargaining with him. I told him that I wanted to remain a Christian, I would continue to be a faithful husband and loyal pastor, but, in my heart of hearts, I no longer wanted him that close. I no longer trusted him. This revelation shocked me. I sat there thinking, I am a pagan! I am a pastor with the heart of a pagan! I knew that this had not always been the case, but there I was, with more than twenty years of ministry behind me, working as hard as I knew how, doing it on my own, and no longer trusting God. I had seen the power of God touch others, but where was the power of God to save me? Christianity had become a heavy yoke. My façade began to crumble. My wife was burned out, and I was in denial. In fact, I discovered that I was not only in burn-out mode myself, but I had emotionally shut down. I had lost my ability to be happy, sad or angry. In order to survive in the ministry, I had learned to stuff my emotions and, like a good soldier, press on. 28

AN INVITATION AND A WARNING During the retreat we visited the Pecos Benedictine Monastery. As we drove through the front gate, I believe God told me that I would return back to this place sometime in the future. This religious community felt like a safe place to come into and to go out from. The quiet and peaceful atmosphere was like oxygen to my soul. It was here that I was introduced to centering prayer. And I did return a couple of years later to receive training to be a spiritual director. I had no idea how I had ended up in such a place of self-denial and brokenness. Somehow, through my busyness, I had misplaced God’s invitation to let him love me and now I was in danger of not finishing the race. This retreat was a wakeup call. I’d been asleep, and now I was being awakened. Upon returning home, I continued to write in my journal and simply take time to rest in God’s presence. I began practicing the contemplative practice of centering prayer. Centering prayer seemed to be a more sophisticated approach to simply letting God love me as I rested, similar to what I had practiced a decade earlier. In fact, I now know that this kind of prayer was common in the early church. According to Cynthia Bourgeault, “As early as the sixth century St. Gregory defined contemplatio [contemplation] as ‘resting in God.’”2 Those early monks would liken the posture of contemplative prayer to that of a weaned child in his mother’s arms. “I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me” (Psalm 131:2). I also picked up a copy of Read, Think, Pray, Live by Tony Jones. Jones is a Presbyterian theologian and writer. He demystified and simplified the practice of lectio divina enough for me to understand it. I began to practice this prayer on my own, early in the mornings. To my surprise, God began to speak to me in deep and profound ways. As I experienced his love for me, I could feel my first love and passion for Christ returning. A month into this practice, I heard the Lord tell me to invite my wife to practice lectio divina with me, and so we began practicing this prayer model together. A few months later, at a Christmas party, I was speaking to a former church member and leader who had left our church years earlier for a liturgical congregation. I was discussing how the practice of contemplative prayer was affecting my life, and he challenged me 29

AN INVITATION AND A WARNING began to take up my time again. My practice of simply resting in God’s love began to be pushed aside for more immediate things. It didn’t take long for the practice of resting to disappear, and the other spiritual disciplines also fell away. The decade that followed was filled with ministry and service. Our church was part of a larger movement that was experiencing an outpouring of the Holy Spirit that was bringing renewal and salvation to tens of thousands around the world. Along with the renewal came controversy and criticism. We also saw thousands of young people reached in our community through a coffee house ministry we started called The Outer Café. We were on the local news. Other churches from around the country began contacting us about how to run outwardlyfocused coffee houses. In the process I wore out my family and church. We saw many people saved, healed and delivered of demonic oppression, and equipped for ministry through short-term ministry trips to Cambodia, Malaysia, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Holland, Romania, Slovakia and Mexico. During the next ten years we purchased a church building, experimented with a number of different congregational systems, took the church through a couple of major renovation projects, I finished graduate school, had a number of close relationships break down, had my church leadership team quit on me and leave the church, and raised up a new leadership team. My wife retired from her midwifery career to give more of her time to working alongside me in leading the church. And did I mention that we were raising our six children and that their teenage years were proving to be a challenge? For me, this decade is a blur. In 2004, at fifty years old, I found myself at a retreat for burned-out pastors and their wives. I was there, not because I thought I was burned out, but because I knew my wife was not doing very well. She had been on antidepressant medication for almost a year, and I knew that I had to do something to get her back on her feet. At the retreat I began to acknowledge the fact that I was struggling too. My energy level was at an all-time low. There was a deep pool of sadness within me that I was afraid to look at. As I looked around my community, I could see young pastors growing their churches while I was struggling just to keep the people I had. I found myself facing old sins I had thought I had overcome. And to be honest, I had thought I 27

chapter 1 to adopt a liturgical calendar and a liturgical worship service for the purpose of spiritual formation. I had no inclination to take up his challenge at that time, but was intrigued with the idea of spiritual formation. On my way home, as I was talking to God about the conversation, I was reminded of what I had read years earlier by Dallas Willard: We can, through faith and grace, become like Christ by practicing the types of activities he engaged in, by arranging our whole lives around the activities he himself practiced in order to remain constantly at home in fellowship of his Father.3 It hit me. Spiritual disciplines are not the mark of a mature Christian. Spiritual disciplines are the means by which we become mature Christians. How did I lose sight of this? I had let spiritual disciplines become just another Christian activity I was supposed to do in order to show God and others how committed I was to my faith. The lights came on: Practices like solitude, centering prayer and lectio divina are not ends in themselves. The purpose of these activites is to form me, from the inside out, into the person God has called me to be. To pursue adopting a more traditional church calendar, a liturgical form of worship, or even contemplative prayer, without a clear view toward spiritual formation, will cause one to come to a dead end. I had seen many friends come to a place where Christianity had lost its vitality. They would realign with a new group, excited again about their faith, only to come to the same dead-end place, now only more discouraged and cynical. For me, the means of spiritual formation was not to be found in a style of worship or church calendar (though I believe that both of these can be very helpful in the practice of spiritual formation). The focus must not even be on contemplative prayer itself. The focus must always be on being more like Jesus. Contemplative prayer is simply a time-tested means of creating space in a busy life where you can meet with Jesus to be changed by him. After ten years of coming to the end of myself, I was ready to earnestly dive into the love of God. I had no idea what awaited me. I had spent a lifetime diminishing my emotional pain, living in denial and simply pressing forward to the next activity. I was grateful that the invitation for intimacy was still being extended. In the wisdom of God, rather than making resting in God and 30

AN INVITATION AND A WARNING contemplative prayer an appendage to an already busy schedule, I was ready to move it to the center and let everything else flow out of that. To put it another way; intimacy with Christ, not ministry for Christ, was my new center. This has made all the difference in the world.

Without interior transformation the movement up into Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s glory would overwhelm us and the movement out into ministry would destroy us. Richard Foster in Prayer: Finding the Heartâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s True Home

SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES AS A PL ACE TO ENCOUNTER JESUS “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11: 28–30 In his book, Prayer, Richard Foster describes three movements of prayer: the upward movement, the outward movement and the inward movement.1 Each of these movements connects us with God and his purposes. In this chapter, I am not applying this framework exactly the way Richard Foster does in his book, but simply using the three movements as a framework for discussing spiritual disciplines and contemplative prayer. Upward movement of prayer The upward movement connects the worshiper with God and with his love for himself. God loves himself and invites us to join him as

chapter 2 he gives glory to himself. The upward movement of prayer includes such things as worship, thanksgiving, praise and adoration. Whether it is traditional hymns or contemporary worship songs, the upward movement of prayer enables us to step into the activity of God as he worships himself. Who is the most devout worshiper of God? Who takes the greatest pleasure in exalting the Almighty? God himself.2 Outward movement of prayer The outward movement connects the Christian with God, his power and his heart for others. The outward movement includes things as petitioning, intercession and even ministry prayer, such as praying for the sick, freeing the oppressed and counseling the brokenhearted. These first two expressions of prayer are well established within the Evangelical and Pentecostal expressions of the church. It is the third movement with which many of us are unfamiliar, and that is the place where we are transformed. Without the inner transformation that the internal movement of prayer provides, our inward life is not healthy enough to sustain outwardly-focused service to others. Inward movement of prayer The inward movement connects your inner self (your motives, attitudes, self-concept, etc.) with God. With the outward movement, there is a following of Christ into the world. With the inward movement, we are also following Christ, but we are following him inwardly. The inward movement is not about being self-focused. It is being Christ-focused and creating space in our schedules to hear him speak to us about our inner lives. Contemplative prayer falls into this category. The fruit of the inward movement of prayer is inner transformation. It is here that the promise of the gospel of a changed life is realized. In order to really know God, I must also know myself. Neither my idealized self nor my adult persona is my true self. Beneath the roles and masks lies a self that only God fully knows. This is the self that Jesus asked me to let him into at the retreat for burned-out pastors. This self is the furnace where true transformation takes place. In the words of David Benner, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You are not simply a sinner; you are a deeply loved sinner.â&#x20AC;?3 Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love is directed toward us just as we are, as sinners.

spiritual disciplines as a place to encounter jesus Evangelicals and Pentecostals are good at following Christ into the darkness “out there.” What is missing is the ability to follow Christ into the darkness of our own lives. The inward movement of prayer is about following Christ as he takes you into the darkness of your own soul.

Spiritual Disciplines as Tools of Transformation There has been a lot written in the Evangelical world in the last thirty years about spiritual disciplines and how to categorize them. Foster, in Celebration of Discipline, speaks of the inward disciplines of meditation, prayer, fasting and study; the outward disciplines of simplicity, solitude, submission and service; and the corporate disciplines of confession, worship, guidance and celebration.4 Willard, in The Spirit of the Disciplines, speaks of the disciplines of abstinence and the disciplines of engagement. Disciplines of abstinence are those spiritual disciplines—such as solitude, silence, fasting, frugality, chastity, secrecy and sacrifice—that we choose to embrace in order to deny ourselves of something good for something greater. They also tend to counteract sins of commission, which are those sins we tend to fall into such as gossip, pride, greed, lust, gluttony and laziness. Disciplines of engagement help counterbalance the disciplines of abstinence and help us overcome the sins of omission—the omission of the good activities we are called to do that we crowd out of our lives because of busyness or neglect. The disciplines of engagement include study, worship, celebration, service, prayer, fellowship, confession and submission.5 I have chosen to divide the spiritual disciplines as upward disciplines, outward disciplines and inward disciplines. These disciplines bring us into contact with God but each moves us in a different direction. The upward disciplines include worship, bible study, fixed-hour prayer, liturgical prayer and fasting. The outward disciplines include intercession, petitioning, praying for the sick and oppressed, service, confession and fellowship. The inward disciplines include solitude, silence, contemplative prayer and journaling. The inward disciplines, by nature, are reflective and more inclined to move one toward self-discovery through intimacy with Christ. The upward and outward disciplines can also create space where the Holy 35

chapter 2 Spirit can transform us into the nature of Christ, but the challenge with these first two movements is that it is too easy to approach them as Christian activities rather than a place to encounter God and self. For example, let’s say that your rotation to work in the church nursery has come around, and you find yourself sitting in the nursery, frustrated that you’re missing out on the worship time. You are filled with anger and resentment that it’s your turn again to serve in an area of church that you don’t really even enjoy. What many of us do is simply, in the name of maturity and responsibility, stuff our frustrations (until we get home) and gut it out. But if Jesus was sitting in the nursery, his attitude would be totally different. Rather than getting out of this frustrating situation by removing yourself from the nursery rotation or beating yourself up for having such a bad attitude, you can use this as an opportunity to be formed into the nature of Christ. You can ask God why you are frustrated. You can ask him to change your attitude into his attitude. Every act of service can be just another Christian activity, or it can be a place to encounter God and be changed into the likeness of Christ. But, in order for this to happen, you must take the time to reflect on the activity, unpack your emotions and dialogue with God. Willard says, In disciplines we need to be informed and experimental. They are not righteousness, but wisdom. We must be practical with them, and not picky. We must not be “heroic” or think we are earning anything from God. Disciplines for the spiritual life are places in which we meet with Jesus to be taught by him, and he is our guide into how they are best practiced. We should not be overly concerned about how others do them. In a very short time Jesus will lead us into the practice of them that is best for us.6 The key statement for me is that spiritual disciplines “are places in which we meet with Jesus to be taught by him.” If you just approach them as God’s to-do list for you, you will either become proud or discouraged. If you approach them as proof of your commitment— and you simply, like a good soldier, press on—you will burn out. Disciplines for the spiritual life are not only intended to change the world, but to change you as well. Again, spiritual disciplines are a place to encounter Jesus. 36

spiritual disciplines as a place to encounter jesus In her book When the Soul Listens, Jan Johnson observes, The effort put forth in a spiritual discipline is not to change behavior, but to connect our inner person’s motives and needs with God. The effect of that connection is a change of heart.7

Spiritual Formation The Bible promises an easy yoke and a changed life. M. Robert Mulholland Jr., of Asbury Seminary, defines spiritual formation as: “a process of being conformed to the image of Christ for the sake of others.”8 I want to take a few moments to comment on his definition, because it is within the context of spiritual formation that contemplative prayer finds it place in the life of a Christian. Spiritual formation is a process… Spiritual formation is the process by which people are changed from the inside out. We are all the result of being formed from the inside out. Much of our forming has come from our family of origin and culture. Experiences along the way also help shape us. Some of our formation has been intentional, much of it has happened in our response to life. Spiritual formation is always a process. Our modern culture likes immediate results. A diet pill is much more attractive than working out at the gym. Putting things on a credit card is faster than saving money to purchase what we want. We find ourselves looking for the next big thing, whether it’s the next book, next conference, the next new thing that God is going to do, or the next revival to change us. All these things may be helpful, but it does not discount the fact that true spiritual formation is always a process, and processes always take time. Experiences with God are beneficial in moving us toward maturity, but they do not negate the fact that spiritual formation is a process. Even experiences with God need to be processed and reflected on for them to have a meaningful and long-term benefit. In our consumer Christian society, we can collect spiritual experiences the same way that compulsive shoppers collect material possessions. One encounter with God that is understood, processed and integrated into our lives is much more helpful than hundreds of spiritual experiences with little thought given to understanding what God might be saying or doing.

chapter 2 …of being conformed… Christian spirituality teaches us that we cannot form ourselves into the people God has called us to be. Only God can do the forming. Spiritual formation is a work of grace. Information, experiences, good intentions and even spiritual disciplines don’t transform us. Spiritual disciplines create a space in our lives where we can partner with God as he changes us from the inside out. Spiritual disciplines do not change us, God changes us. You can do some things to aid the transformation process, but you do not control it. As Mulholland notes, we live in a do-it-yourself culture, and this aspect of spiritual formation runs against our grain. Being conformed, rather than doing the conforming ourselves, deals with our hesitancy to fully yield control to God and trust him. Being conformed involves surrendering our lives and letting God be in the driver’s seat. The good news is that God is a great driver. …into the image of Christ… Rather than simply doing Christian activity, we become Christlike. We become kinder, more patient, more truthful—not because we try harder, but because this is who we are. One of God’s greatest gifts to us is to form our character and inner life into the likeness of Christ. In the process of becoming more Christlike, our false personas get exposed and dismantled so we can become more authentic and true. Mulholland points out that, If, indeed, the work of God’s formation in us is the process of conforming us to the image of Christ, obviously it’s going to take place at the points where we are not yet conformed to that image. This means that one of the first dynamics of holistic spiritual formation will be confrontation. … The Spirit of God may probe some area in which we are not conformed to the image of Christ. That probing will probably always be confrontational, and it will always be a challenge and a call to us in our brokenness to come out of the brokenness into wholeness in Christ.9 …for the sake of others. God takes us inward for the purpose of changing us and pointing us outward again. Christ-centered contemplative prayer will always take you inward and back outward.

spiritual disciplines as a place to encounter jesus Concerning this part of the definition, Mulholland writes, If we forget this, if we short-circuit our definition, … we don’t have Christian spiritual formation, we don’t have holistic spiritual formation. What we have is some kind of pathological formation that is very privatized and individualized, a spiritualized form of self-actualization.10

So how does contemplative prayer fit in to the spiritual disciplines? Contemplative prayer is at the heart of the inward disciplines. It is modeled after the relationship that Jesus had with his heavenly Father in the Gospels. It is about simply being with God. It is resting in God as he rests in you. It is consciously being with the one who loves you perfectly. Contemplative prayer is learning to enjoy God as he enjoys you. It involves living in the present moment with God. It is being with God as an end in itself. Thelma Hall writes, Contemplation is a strange new land … where we learn a new language (silence), a new way of being (not to do but simply to be), where our thoughts and concepts, our imagination, senses and feelings are abandoned for faith in what is unseen and unfelt, where God’s seeming absence (to our senses) is his presence, and his silence (to our ordinary perception) is his speech. … To know our true selves is to know we are loved by God beyond all measure.11

Summary God’s greatest gift to us is the gift of salvation. To live eternally with an all powerful God who loves us unconditionally is beyond what any of us deserve. To have our inner lives, our interior motives and attitudes changed to that of Christ is to live the abundant life he has promised us.

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