Sex. Little Word—Big Deal

By Maggie Karner

Sex. Such a little word, but such a big deal. Funny how something can be so wonderful, and in other ways, terribly destructive. Sex lies at the heart of a lot of issues of our day and it seems to be a hot topic for discussion. A lot of people have a lot of opinions about sex that they want you to hear...or see...or believe.

As a Christian, though, isn’t it great to know that opinions or viewpoints really don’t matter when we have something as valuable as the truth about this issue? We have someone who cares about us so much that he laid it all out for us, clearly and understandably—in His Word, the Bible. Huh? Sex...from the Bible? God actually has a tremendous amount to say about the subject of sex. He talks about it in every one of His epistles. Is it surprising to you that God wants you to have awesome sex? He created it—He’s the expert!

God designed sex to be the wonderfully intimate, physical and emotional gift that two people experience together, but he intended this gift to be shared within a certain context that He created. And thus lies the problem: humans have always seemed to lose track of this important part of the plan. Sex is designed perfectly for boundaries that God has set.

What many people never realize is that boundaries are good. Think about fire as an example. A campfire is very cozy and warms your cold toes when it’s in a fire ring. But allow that fire to jump outside the ring, spark a few dry leaves, and pretty soon you have a destructive forest fire on your hands.

Boundaries are the same for us. There are lots of personal boundaries you can set for yourself. Some are optional (whether to pierce your ears, dye your hair or wear freaky clothes) and there are not many consequences involved except people may look at you funny. But God set up His boundaries because there are consequences—consequences we can’t even begin to anticipate. For this reason, God gave us His law as a boundary. His aim is to give us joy and prevent us from being miserable. So he tells us very clearly in His Word that sex within His boundaries is awesome, sex without boundaries can be horribly destructive.

Our God is a God who loves you so deeply and personally that He longs for your happiness! He wants you to have a great time in this life—the best of times! Not a life burdened by poor choices and dumb decisions. And just to help you out, he says, “I’ll make it easy on you—-I’ll help you avoid heartache, responsibilities that you’re not ready for, incurable diseases, poverty and even early death. I’ll give you some boundaries. I’ll lay it all out for you so when you’re tempted in your relationships—and you will be—you’ll have it all figured out ahead of time.”

And to make things easy on us, God designed His boundary to be amazingly simple: Don’t have sex outside of a monogamous, married relationship.

So why do we try to make things more complicated than they need to be? Either you are or you are not married. It seems like an easy question to answer. So why do I often hear, “but we’re almost married...but we love each other…but he’s different than all the rest…but we’re engaged...almost engaged...going steady...soul mates...but were gonna get married someday.” So many “buts”— so many excuses.

“What’s the big difference,” people say. “It’s only a piece of paper! We love each other!” My response is this: Marriage means more than love. Marriage means “commitment”. And God did not create sex for the boundary of love. He created it specifically to be within the context of total commitment—and that means marriage. God knows if you are going to open yourself up completely, intimately, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you had better know that your partner isn’t going to walk away. He created marriage for complete and total intimacy—an intimacy founded on commitment, trust and honesty. Engaging in a sexual relationship short of this total commitment ends up leaving you feeling even more vulnerable and alone.

God designed marriage because He understands the risks of living in a world filled with sin, disease, and heartaches, and He wants us to understand and avoid those risks.

Pregnancy is a big issue here as well. Make no mistake; there are many people who can walk you through the difficult decisions that need to be made if you or a friend becomes pregnant, people who want to share a listening ear and a confidential hand of hope as you walk through these life-changing moments. Christian crisis pregnancy centers have made this their mission and you can find one of these centers in your area by asking your pastor or by looking under “abortion alternatives” in the Yellow Pages.

But suppose the pregnancy test comes out negative. Crisis over, right? Wrong.

Did you know that in the next 24 hours 12,000 teens will contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD)—30% of them being incurable? Teens have a four-times greater chance of contracting a sexually transmitted disease than they have of getting (or getting someone else) pregnant?

Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) causes this highly contagious disease that is the fastest growing STD among 16-24 yearolds. And here’s the scary news: 46% of teenage girls will get HPV after their first sexual intercourse! You can be unaware that you have this virus because many strains show no symptoms—until the damage begins later in life. HPV is the number one causal agent of cervical cancer in women.This cancer kills more women in the US every year than AIDS. Oh yes, and condoms are completely ineffective in preventing the spread of this disease because it has nothing to do with bodily fluids—this disease results from skin contact alone.

You see, when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone else they have had sex with for the last ten years, and everyone else they have had sex with within the last ten years! You remember from math how numbers can grow “exponentially”. It’s the same here, folks. Today, 1 in 3 single people have some form of an STD.

Teens and young adults are old enough to make decisions about a lot of stuff. And one of the things only you can decide is what goes on with your own body.

Most young people that I talk to claim to get most of their information about sex from friends and other peers. This worries me. Truthful and factual information about sexuality is critical. Your sexuality includes decisions that can literally affect the entire course of events in your life. What if your decisions are based on information from friends who are, unknowingly, less informed than you?

And once you’ve decided, don’t allow your good decisions to be sabotaged by drugs and alcohol. Often, our defenses are lowered and our common sense jeopardized (not to mention our health!) in these situations. Make a pact with yourself to never, never make any decisions about your sexuality if you are influenced by any form of drugs or alcohol.

I encourage you to take control of your own body and dedicate (or re-dedicate) it as something that deserves respect and honor. Make decisions based on facts. Make a plan, before the moment happens.

1Corinthians 6:19-20 says: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” You are precious. God took great care in designing you. In your baptism, He adopted you as His child and gave you the lineage of royalty. You have a future and a hope that no one can take away. Enjoy your future and live big!

If you have questions, don’t forget to talk to your parents. Trust me; they will listen. They will take you seriously and will get you answers. If that’s not an option, feel free to contact me. I will keep correspondence completely confidential and would love to hear from you. Just e-mail me at mskarner@juno.com .

Maggie Karner is Director of LCMS Life Ministries.