What Am I Thinking?

Here I am—22 years old, just graduated from college (an all-male college, at that), and I have decided to enter into marriage three months after graduating. What am I thinking?

I hear this comment all the time from friends and associates where I work. Many of them say I’m too young—that these years in my life are meant to be spent free from commitment, free from consequence, and free from thought. They tell me to do what I want, when I want, and if it feels good, do it twice. As easy and fun as that life sounds, I’ve come to realize that this advice is coming from people who live for the moment and rarely think of the future—certainly not into the realm of eternity. I prefer to get my advice from someone who is “otherworldly”; someone who is not constrained by time and space, but who created time and space: a Creator who can see all, do all, and knows all.This Creator is revealed to us in His written Word.

This isn’t to say that Christine and I made our decision to get married through some personal divine revelation from God. Nor was it done on a whim. Rather, it was a process that we spread over weeks of conversation and contemplation.

There was no question that we loved each other enough to spend every day together for the rest of our lives. Whether we had the maturity for such a sacred union at such a young age was the question. After weeks of prayer, deliberation and conversation, we decided as a couple that we were ready to make the change from existence as individuals to a united life as one flesh.

Christine and I met and started dating while we were in high school. Contrary to the popular culture, we decided to continue living a chaste life by abstaining from sex until we were married— whether we married one another or someone else. Fortunately, the former came true.

In our marriage, we will be able to share the gift of our bodies with one another in the way intended by God and not by pop culture. Our society is blanketed with the message that conveys sex as an act centered only on “love” and “emotion”. The entertainment industry constantly reminds us that sex feels good. We are told that if both parties love each other, sex before marriage is not only “o.k.” but also expected! By this standard, the only factor needed for sex is love. It sounds romantic, but this changes the entire purpose for sexuality from one of procreation to that of personal physical fulfillment. This type of understanding allows for premarital, homosexual, adulterous, and just about any other sexually immoral act to be validated by “love” and stimulation.

Instead, God created sex to serve a couple of crucial functions; it unifies a man and a woman into one flesh, but most importantly, it is the earthly source for all human life. Sex is sacred. It can’t be taken lightly. It creates life and should be saved for the unity of a man and a woman in marriage. In Hebrews, God explains in very clear terminology that marriage is a very serious thing and the sanctity of this union should not be violated. It says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4).

Despite a person’s past, this is not a hopeless message. Instead, this is a message from our God who loves us enough to care about our emotional, physical and spiritual health. All of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It’s for that reason Jesus was sent to conquer sin, death, and the power of the devil. Baptized into His death, we can be born again and made completely pure because of the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for us. We can start over. We are “brand-new” in Christ.

This isn’t to say that we should follow what our friends say and “do it twice” if it feels good. Rather, we can embrace the gift of grace that Christ freely gives to us and make a commitment to live a life as He instructs and describes in His written Word.

I hope our society can begin to understand that both sex and marriage require more than just human “love”. Most of all, great sex and a great marriage is dependent upon God’s love. His love shows us that many other variables are needed. Variables like commitment, faith, trust, cooperation, humility, servanthood, unity, raising children (in some cases), and many responsibilities.

Until our wedding, Christine and I will be focused on a ton of decisions—big and little. Our daily life and conversation includes color schemes, dress styles, shower curtains, comforters, DJ’s, cakes, flowers, showers, and the big decision about bow ties or neckties! But on August 7, 2004, Christine and I have willingly chosen to leave the world of individualism behind in order to enter the sanctified unity of marriage. We will stand before God and man to pledge our unity as “one flesh”— from August 7 until the end of time.

David Schoenefeld is a member of the Sanctity of Life Committee of LCMS Life Ministries.