Didn’t
What I Say in the Confessional By Susan Gehlbach
ame old words, lovely words, to be sure, but still, the same old words that I’m used to. And it’s not that I take Pastor’s words for granted. Nevertheless, sometimes an awareness of those words dawns afresh on a person.
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Earlier today, when I went to private Confession, I asked the pastor to forgive me for the sake of my dear Lord, Jesus, who died for me and shed His blood for me on the cross for the forgiveness of all my sins. Pastor spoke back the blessing,“God be gracious to you and strengthen your faith in His word of absolution.” “Amen.” Pastor asked, “Do you believe that my forgiveness is God’s forgiveness?” “Yes, I do.” Then Pastor placed his hand on my head, and tracing the sign of the cross on my forehead, he declared, “I forgive you all your sins in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” I actually do believe the “Yes, yes, it shall be so” that was implicit in my “Amen,” but I must admit the main reason I said “Amen” is because that’s what the liturgy tells me to say. This morning, following my “Amen,” it took my father confessor a while before he arrived at the place he wanted in his Bible. I don’t know if he was simply being slow about finding the page, or if it took some deliberation before he decided what passage of comfort he wanted to preach on. Regardless of the reason for the long pause, I had a few moments for the words of the Absolution to soak in before Pastor began further expounding God’s words of love and forgiveness to me with regard to my particular need. And rather than a properly pious “Amen,” my mind thought, “Wow! He just forgave my sin. All my sin. Wow! He can say that. He has the power to make it happen.” I wanted to tug on the sleeve of his vestments, like a little girl tugs on her daddy’s sleeve to get his attention. In amazement, I wanted to ask him, “Do you know what just happened here? Do you understand how big this is? Do you realize that what you just said has ramifications in heaven itself? Do you get it—that what you just said changes everything?”
But I didn’t say it. It wasn’t my turn to talk. It was Jesus’ turn to talk to me, to tell me how He had trusted in the Lord perfectly for me, how He had had no other gods for me, how His heart had rejoiced in God’s steadfast love, and how that, too, counts for me. Besides, like a little girl talking to her older and wiser father, I didn’t need to point out to the pastor what was happening in the Absolution. Of course, he knows what’s going on there. He confesses that “this is just as valid and certain, even in heaven, as if Christ our dear Lord dealt with us Himself.” But our eyes deceive us, and we too often believe our eyes instead of what the Word says. There he stood—a skinny, short, bald sinner with his hand on the head of a kneeling penitent, saying the same old words. It probably would look pretty goofy and useless to most people, even to most Christians. Nevertheless, there he stood—touching a sinner just as Jesus had touched sinners and lepers, speaking peace and forgiveness to one transgressor just as Jesus had often done. But it’s not just some old pastor saying the same old words of forgiveness. “He who hears you, hears Me,” said our Lord. So when the pastor speaks the Absolution, it’s Jesus Himself speaking to us audibly. All these thoughts whirled through my head in the moments that Pastor was hunting for an appropriate Bible verse. But I didn’t say anything. I was waiting to listen to Jesus. And while I waited, I marveled at the wonder of it all. Sometimes, though, these things are too awesome to keep to yourself. Susan Gehlbach is a wife and mother and has, for nine years, been overjoyed to be the recipient of Holy Absolution. She can be reached by e-mail at gehlbach@sharontelephone.com.
