2006 Winter - Higher Things Magazine (no Bible Studies)

Page 26

The Five Greatest nd so, my Lutherans, we meet now between the covers of a magazine. It is I, Martin Luther, taking a much-needed rest from blogging at Luther at the Movies, to offer a much-needed guide to the best and worst of modern-day cinema.

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First, you must forgive a quick flashback as I think about my own schooldays: the early mornings trudging through the snow, endless lectures in Latin, the ritual beatings. Today, all I read about is how students need their egos massaged and their esteem raised! In my day, if a teacher looked at you twice, it was because he thought you were stealing. I’ll never forget the advice given me by Professor Wilhelm Dorp. Grabbing me by the throat, he said, “Luther, you are a disgrace to all of Saxony and will amount to absolutely nothing.” He then thought about it for a second and softened his tone, suggesting that if God were merciful, I might one day have a job in the copper mines as a poison gas detector. I remember thinking, “He likes me! He really likes me!” But we are here to talk about the movies, where music, drama, dance, art, set design, fashion, computer technology, and rancid snack foods

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come together to spark our imaginations and enrich our lives. Unfortunately, 99.9 percent of everything produced by the nincompeeps in Hollyweird has the cultural value of a moldy Handiwipe. And so, allow me this opportunity to inspire you—our Lutheran youth—to go out into the world and create movie magic of your own. Rather than sit in your parents’ basements the rest of your lives whining about that particularly embarrassing incident at your prom, I want you to get into film schools and shock the world with your artistic brilliance. To put some ideas into your heads and jump start potential careers in the cinematic arts, I do hereby present The Five Greatest Films Never Made! Yes, these are films that should be in theaters but are not. Why? Because the big movie studios are too busy making Saved by the Bell IV: Screech vs. Jason.

Sufficient for You. The life of George Müller, who cared for more than one hundred thousand orphans in Bristol, England, in the nineteenth century without ever asking for a single penny from anyone. Instead, he relied solely on the providence and grace of God to supply the needs of those in his care.

Lord Katie.The life of Katharine von Bora, from nunnery to the plague years, is pulled from the shadows of history into the light of the twenty-first century. Her unstinting generosity and Christian compassion is too often ignored in all the huggah-muggah over her blowhard husband.


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