Saved Sex: A Plea for Virginity

By Rev. Tim Pauls

It’s a mystery—a great mystery, this two becoming one. This is about marriage and sex, which go together. Marriage without sex is crippled. Sex without marriage is devastating. Both are about the two becoming one, about as inseparable as you and your left arm. It’s not just an act. It’s far more profound. It’s about a bond of body and mind and emotion, a trust unlike any other, built over years of working hard to love each other. It’s a deep communion unlike any other relationship. See, one of the greatest curses in this world is being alone. A lifetime of loneliness is terribly painful. Marriage is meant to be the opposite—a union that’s so together that you’re incomplete without the other. That’s what God designed marriage and sex to be. Beyond that, I can’t explain it. It’s beyond words. It’s a mystery well worth waiting for.

It’s a powerful mystery for another reason, too: it’s how God brings life into the world. He could keep making people out of dust and ribs if He wanted; but He uses a man, woman and sex to create new life. Think about that: God has created you with sexuality and the capability to produce new life. That’s powerful stuff.

That’s where virginity comes in. It’s not an unfortunate state you find yourself in because the Church frowns on fun. It’s not a mark of shame that you haven’t really lived. It’s part of the plan. God desires you to remain pure until you meet the one with whom you’ll become one for life.

Thus my plea: save yourself. Go to your marriage bed a virgin.

I understand that’s not a real popular thing to say. It’s a matter of believing God’s Word, in spite of what you see and feel. It’s hard to honor virginity in our world today. Why? Because the world, in a paradoxical tantrum, both obsesses on sex and strips it of almost all meaning.

This is hardly news. Primetime TV is full of good-looking characters who dress provocatively and sleep around, rarely suffering any consequences. The Internet has introduced the staggering temptation of online porn; this is especially a hazard for guys, easily turned to lust by what they see. Meanwhile, fashion pressures women into clothes that are low-cut, short, tight, revealing; it’s all designed to leave them exposed, unwrapped, as if their sexuality is no big mystery, no great treasure to be cherished. The world parades sex and sexuality around every day. Sex is cool to the world. Virginity is decidedly not.

But even while the world obsesses with sex, it strips it of almost all meaning. It’s no longer a profound mystery that helps build a lifelong bond between a husband and wife. It’s not a communion of body, mind, emotion and more. It’s just a physical act. It’s something that animals do, and you’re just another animal. It’s not for building a bond between two people for life. It’s a selfish act designed to use somebody before you move on.

Which leads us to another big problem: thanks to sin, you’re selfish by nature. Since sex is such powerful stuff, and sexuality is a big part of you, you can bet that you’ll face powerful temptations to abuse it. Most reasons for premarital sex are selfish. “I just want to see what it’s like,” or “I really want that guy to like me.” It might be “If I give up my virginity, maybe the group will stop making fun of me.” (They won’t.) Whatever the words, it’s a selfish desire to ignore God’s Word and plan.

A prime (and terrifying) example is the hook-up culture of college life. On many university campuses, dating and courtship have just about disappeared, replaced by hooking up. Guy and girl meet at party. They go somewhere and have sex. They may or may not talk to each other again. Doesn’t matter, because hooking up requires less commitment than studying together for a history exam.

The consequences are astounding. Some are common knowledge, like alarmingly high rates of STDs which are lifelong and sometimes deadly. That’s no exaggeration: abuse something as powerful as sex and the consequences are going to be powerful, too. In the world’s opinion, pregnancy is a danger, not a blessing, so it must argue to kill the unborn to keep sex divorced from marriage and responsibility. Sex isn’t about intimacy and life anymore; it has themes of exploiting others and death.

I’d like to propose two more lesserknown consequences of promiscuity, since the world ignores them. One is an enduring loneliness. Remember, sex is about that profound, mysterious oneness between two. If you opt for casual sex, you train yourself not to feel or care about the other—either because you train yourself to use others for your own desire, or because you’re painfully betrayed and stifle the hurt. Training yourself not to care is the exact opposite of God’s plan. It’s difficult to reverse, too, and you stand a good chance of feeling like a stranger alone, even when you’re married.

The other consequence is one the world will never talk about: immorality destroys faith. Either guilt or love for sin will drive you away, and you’ll find all sorts of reasons to skip church. Or you may be able to convince yourself that God overlooks your immorality and keep going to church: but promiscuity destroys faith (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). That makes you a stranger in God’s house, only fooling yourself.

So flee immorality. Go to your marriage bed a virgin. The consequences of sexual sin are disastrous. The blessings of waiting for the mystery are phenomenal.

It would be foolish, of course, to assume that all who read this are virgins now. The temptations are strong and many fall. So we end on this note: all are guilty of sexual sin in thought, if not in deed. While premarital sex has far more serious consequences than sins of thought, all are in need of forgiveness. When Paul speaks of the mystery of marriage, note what he says next: he’s really talking about Jesus and His bride, the Church. In a far greater mystery, Jesus has joined you to Himself. In your Baptism, He joined you to His death for your sin, as well as your resurrection. In His Supper, He gives you His own body and blood for forgiveness of your sins— for all of your sins. In a mystery far greater than we can understand, He speaks His Word and declares you righteous for His own sake. Before Him, you’re pure and holy.

Rev. Tim Pauls is associate pastor and acting school administrator at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church and School in Boise, Idaho. He is also the Higher Things Executive Editor. His e-mail address is tpauls@good shepherdboise.org.