Let’s Dance

By Rev. Jason Braaten

Ballroom dancing is back. The popular prime-time show Dancing with the Stars has helped to raise awareness of this almost lost art. Now, with movies like Take the Lead and Shall We Dance? appearing on the silver screen, we’ve even learned a few more things about it. What we find is something rarely found anywhere else in society. Whether dancing the Foxtrot to Sinatra or the Salsa to Shakira, one thing remains the same—the man leads and the woman follows.

I have often joked that everything I know about marriage I learned from ballroom dance. It’s corny, but there’s some truth to it. Even Jane Austen recognized it when she wrote that she considers dancing to be a picture of marriage—charity and fidelity are the principle duties of both. And really, she’s right. They are the same. The details may vary, but the roles remain the same. The man leads, the woman follows, and both are done with charity and fidelity, love and honor.

By the grace of God, I am a husband. And also by the grace of God, my wife is willing to dance with me (if you’ve ever seen me dance, you’d understand why). Sometimes dancing is easy. Sometimes leading with fidelity and charity come so easily I wonder why I practice or even take lessons. It comes out beautifully, even naturally— two people taking separate steps, each successive flowing into the next, as if they are one singular motion.

More often than not, however, it isn’t so easy. It is difficult. It’s frustrating and exhausting. Sometimes it is outright painful. A stubbed toe here and a cracked knee there, watch out! You’re going to run into...Amid all this, however, the rules remain the same; whether it is difficult or easy, frustrating or joyous. Men lead and women follow. And both accomplish it through fidelity and charity, each loving and honoring his partner.

But what does it mean to lead? To lead in dance is to invite your partner to follow you on an exquisite adventure of singular motion between two people. This leading is not forced or demanded. You invite her to come along for the ride. The male sets the example, he decides what steps, what form, how fast, and where to end up. He is the frame; she is the picture. He presents her as spotless, graceful, the essence of beauty for all to behold. His lead is providential; everything he does is for her.

If she does not follow, he continues to lead. He can’t make her follow. In fact, he can’t make her do anything. All he can do is lead with fidelity and her well-being in mind. So he simply continues to invite her to join him on this journey where the two become one fluid and artful dance. And if she wants to be in on it, she will follow. If she wants to partake of this, she’ll follow.

In a similar way, husbands lead their wives in marriage. They invite their wives to embark with them on a singularly fluid motion toward the same goal. The Bible teaches that husbands are to lead their wives in marriage. They set the pattern, the paradigm for their life together. Yet this is not forced upon wives; you can’t make them follow. The task of the husband is to lead not to make his wife follow. If she doesn’t follow, he continues to lead; he continues to invite her to follow in this singular motion. His concern is for her; not by working to get her to follow but only by continuing to lead.

Sometimes this is easy. But more often than not it is difficult, frustrating and painful. It is a task that I am constantly failing to do. As a full-fledged sinner, my response to wayward following is not a continuance of the invitation. It is not a perpetual leading but ultimately devolves into a blaming of what she has not done or could not do. I thus try to bend back into joint the out-of-joint; I force, coerce, constrain, and assert my will to lead upon my partner’s lack of following. In the end, however, I have essentially forsaken my role as the husband. I have forsaken the lead. I have given up fidelity and the wellbeing of my partner for something more controllable.

By the grace of God, I am a husband. And in this same grace I also live as one. For Christ Jesus, our husband, gives himself for us, his sinful spouse, the church. Through his death and resurrection, he presents us blameless and spotless, pure and holy, forgiving us all our sins, even those of wayward leading and following. Our Lord’s death and resurrection lead and draw us to himself, where we daily live in his forgiveness.

Right now you’re in training to be one day by the grace of God husbands and wives. Until then, through dating and friendships, you are discovering the difficulties and joys of courtship. You are learning about charity and fidelity, love and honor. Meanwhile, why not dance? What better preparation could there be for this than learning to dance? If you’re not quite ready to sign up for lessons, rent Take the Lead. Watch it with your friends even. I wish I had. So, let’s dance. Let’s dance with the hope that the picture will be the reality.

Rev. Jason Braaten penned these thoughts last year after taking his first ballroom dancing lesson with his wife, Lauren. He currently serves as an admission counselor at Concordia Theological Seminary and can be reached at braatenjm@ctsfw.edu.