Honor Our Fathers and Mothers (Which Commandment Is That Again?)

By Dcs. Rachel Thompson

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck” (Proverbs 1:8). How lovely is this! The very words that drop from the mouths of our parents are beautiful and precious jewels. By wearing them (that is, obeying them), they, too, make us beautiful and precious. Don’t we all want to be adorned with such loveliness?

I am going to be honest with you though. I have a very hard time listening to my father and my mother. It is true that I am a fortunate person who is blessed with sagely parents. I am also arrogant and stubborn and moody. There have been many occasions when my choices did not reflect the instructions or teachings of my parents. There have even been times when my choices disappointed my mother and my father. Though they did certainly teach me to be an independent thinker, sometimes the initial shock of my independent thoughts resulted in my parents’ disappointment in my choice or fear for my well-being.

To honor our fathers and our mothers is a hard commandment to obey. In fact, we cannot fulfill it. Perhaps we are prideful or selfish. Some of us disobey boldly, some of us deceptively. In thought, word, and deed, we will forsake our parents’ teaching because it is our very nature as sinners to do this. We are sinful, but so are our parents. Even the very best parents have occasions when their teachings are not wise or comforting. Some of us have parents who are absent either by abandonment or death. How can we listen to teachings not spoken? Some of us have parents who are manipulative and abusive, requiring more care from us than they provide care to us. How can their instructions be a garland to grace our head when they feel like the burden of a prisoner’s chain?

The prophet Isaiah reminds us that we are all hurtful and neglectful at times. “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands” (Isaiah 49:15–16a). We disappoint our parents, and our parents disappoint us. But God has had compassion on us and does not leave us. He is present with us in Jesus Christ. He fulfilled the Law, which we could not and are not able to keep. He was obedient to His earthly parents, Mary and Joseph (Luke 2:51a), and He was obedient to His Father in heaven even unto death on a cross. And this was not for His own sake, but for our sake. His life, death, and resurrection reconciled us to God. His Father has become our Father.

When God speaks to us through His Word saying, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction,” He is not speaking to us words of Law but of forgiveness and of wholeness. He is calling us into a restored relationship with Him who is our Father. He is calling us to be born through the womb of baptismal waters and to hear the sweet and comforting teaching of our mother, the Church. In these baptismal waters, He gives us a new identity and a new name, which He has engraved on the palms of His hands. He takes upon Himself our disobedience and gives to us His obedience. He takes our disappointments and our displeasures. Instead, our Father in His great compassion says to each of us, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck” (Proverbs 1:8). How lovely is this! The very words that drop from the mouths of our parents are beautiful and precious jewels. By wearing them (that is, obeying them), they, too, make us beautiful and precious. Don’t we all want to be adorned with such loveliness? “

When Dcs. Rachel Thompson isn’t busy obeying her parents, she serves as Assistant Director of Deaconess Studies at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Indiana. She can be reached at rachel.thompson@ctsfw.edu.