How to Date Like a Normal Person

By Jeni Miller

We sinners are great at making our own lives and other people’s lives pretty difficult. Because of sin, people are just plain difficult. Bring two people together—especially when they’re of the opposite sex—and you might as well update your Facebook relationship option to say “It’s Complicated.” Challenges in relationships are sometimes enough to make us girls want to quit, vowing to wear a “Jesus Is My Boyfriend”T-shirt and get on with life. (Okay, forget that T-shirt and its horrible theology.) And the guys? They can head off to the nearest monastery and check in as a monk. Thanks but no thanks.

Take heart! No matter what Facebook thinks, it is possible to be in a happy, God-approved relationship and still be a normal person. In fact, a healthy relationship is a fabulous way to continue learning all the ins and outs of living the Christian life. Still not sure? Take our quiz to find out just how much you know about relationships and why in the world God would care about our love lives.

1) Should I be dating right now?

a) No way. Nothing good will come of it.Wait until you’re married.

b) Yes.You have to . . . right now. Celebrities are dating all the time, and they should be role models for everything you do. Put down this article, forsake your homework, and go.

c) Not necessarily. (There is no command to start dating, but these are just things to consider when you do. Your situation, age, and parents will help you in making that decision.)

2) Is there a point to dating?

a) Nope.Why torture yourself by spending all your time hanging out with just one person? Besides, you should focus all of your time and energy on Jesus.

b) It doesn’t matter. The point is to date as many people as possible all the time. You need to find the person you’re going to marry...quickly!

c) Yes, of course. It’s a great way to learn how to care for your neighbor and be cared for as well. Plus, you get to know what kinds of traits you like in the opposite sex, and that certainly can’t hurt!

3) When you’re dating someone, how much alone time should you two have together?

a) None. You need to kiss dating goodbye, remember? Being alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend is wrong.

b) Spend as much alone time with your boyfriend/girlfriend as you can. When you’re in a relationship, your friends just have to take the number two spot. Plus, you need to have your privacy.

c) Go out on group dates pretty often. It keeps you honest and likely out of trouble! Even when you’re alone, it’s good to be alone in public places around other people.

4) Problems in your dating relationship likely stem from...

a) Not dating Jesus.

b) Guys are so confusing. They, like, totally never talk. And when they do, they change their minds every eight seconds. Plus, girls are so clingy. They get mad if their boyfriends aren’t stuck to their side like glue 24/7. And when they are mad, they won’t tell you why.

c) As the brilliant author of this quiz mentioned earlier, it’s because we’re all just a bunch of sinners: unable to communicate, unable to relate to one another. Thank God Christ redeemed even our broken relationships.

5) What role should your parents, pastor, and deaconess play in your relationship?

a) They should give as much advice and help as possible. In fact, my parents and pastor or deaconess can pretty much just choose who I’ll marry. That is, after all, their job.

b) Ewwww. They should all back off and stay out of the relationship realm! If you have a question or need to talk, that’s what your friends are for.

c) Cliché alert: Parents, pastors, and deaconesses are always there to help when needed. They are wildly underrated when it comes to how much they can comfort, guide, and care for you and your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend. They dated once upon a time. Well, probably.

6) The best example of how a serious relationship should function is...

a) Duh, Edward and Bella.True love. It doesn’t get any better than that!

b) Heidi and Spencer. They do what they want and don’t care who disapproves of their relationship as long as they are happy.

c) Christ and His Church. Okay, well, for a marriage anyway. But in many ways, the same goes for two people who are dating. Ask your pastor, deaconess, or other trustworthy adult to describe this example for you!

Answer Key

Okay, let’s face it. The best choice is C for all of the questions above. Entering into a dating relationship doesn’t mean that you need to flip into evangelical overdrive, acting as if you’re more Christian than Jesus. You’ve heard the phrase “Be yourself” over and over again, and that is because it still applies. Who is “yourself,” you ask? Imperfect. Problematical. Perfected. Redeemed. You know you’re a sinner; you’re reminded of it every day and hear it from the pew every week. However, you also know that you’re a saint, so now you can dwell continually on Christ’s love and forgiveness and be pleased to get to know others who are as loved and forgiven as you are. Dating is a common activity, so approach it as you would anything else in your life that matters and needs special care. Our Lord has restored your imperfect impulses and wretched relationships, making it possible for you to make nice with the opposite sex, always keeping in mind that without confession and forgiveness, we have nothing. And relationship or not, in Christ, we have everything!

Jeni Miller is a recent graduate of the deaconess program at Concordia Theological Seminary, Fort Wayne, Indiana. E-mail her at jenikaiser@aol.com.