EMBRACING WINTER'S DARKNESS

BY MONET YELSNICK

What do you do when you “have nothing to do”? Who are you when you are alone? What actually makes you happy when no one else is around? For me, this is not terribly hard to answer, as I’ve had a lot of practice. I am an only child and was a latchkey kid in the 90s (often home alone from a young age while my single mother worked). I was forced to entertain myself (before social media) with whatever was around and also spend copious amounts of time alone with my own thoughts. For many of us in present day USA we are never really alone or disconnected. We are consumed with work emails, texts, zoom calls, social media, never really getting a moment to check in with ourselves. As summer comes to a close and we breeze through fall we are provided with a grand seasonal opportunity to take a second, step back, and check in with ourselves. To know ourselves more deeply, and, according to research, increase our resilience and happiness.

Winter is the season of silence, darkness, frigid temperatures, family oriented holidays, staying in. Scandinavia has a long history of embracing the slowness and darkness that befalls most of us during winter. From ‘fika’ to ‘hygge’ to ‘little Saturday’ , they find ways of connecting with themselves, the season, loved ones, and to carve out joy in the period many of us refer to as ‘seasonal depression time’ . Of these traditions the Danish ‘hygge’ may be my favorite. Pronounced “hoogah” , it is about a feeling of coziness, and an outlook that centers around mindfulness and finding joy in the everyday, in the simplest parts of life. Additionally, it can be a set of practices–a candlelit dinner with yourself or your friends, reading a book by a fire, a cup of tea and a notebook. What hygge sets us up for perfectly, I believe, is the chance to reconnect with our core selves.

The importance of being in touch with our true desires and needs cannot be understated. It can be the compass of your life, guiding you through uncertainty and helping you understand when you're not being valued, respected, loved. It can help you see what you want and develop a sense of self and confidence strong enough to not stick around for what you don't want. Diving into yourself allows you to connect with others even better. When you are coming from a place of self assurance, empathy, ease, you will be astounded at the way your relationships improve. For many of us, the question is often: ‘But how do I be alone?’ , and there is no shame in that question. It can take practice, especially for extroverts, but the rewards are worth their weight in gold. My personal favorite ‘alone activities’ include going on a walk with my headphones on. I put on music I love or a podcast and I just walk and think and I am sometimes shocked at the ideas and revelations that come to me. Though winter is not peak hiking season it is an impeccable time to take a close-tohome walk around your neighborhood or nearby park and ‘ practice being with yourself. This leads us into a Nordic philosophy, the Norwegian practice of ‘friluftsliv’ .

Similar to hygge, ‘friluftsliv’ can be an activity or a feeling, but the focus is on the outdoors. It can be as simple as breathing the crisp outdoor air, a walk in a wooded area, shoveling snow in your driveway, or a cold plunge in a nearby lake. The point is to be with yourself in the outdoors, free yourself of troubling thoughts and just exist, with a focus on mindfulness and connecting to what you are experiencing in the moment. Whether you take the hygge approach or the friluftsliv approach, I just hope you take the time to find out what makes you you. Similar to hygge, friluftsliv’ can be an activity or a feeling, but the focus is on the outdoors. It can be as simple as breathing the crisp outdoor air, a walk in a wooded area, shoveling snow in your driveway, or a cold plunge in a nearby lake.

My old grandmother always used to say, Summer friends will melt away like summer snows, but winter friends are friends ― George R.R. Martin forever.