DEVELOPING POSITIVE SOCIAL SKILLS

By Julie Markle

As parents, we can all identify with the pride that our children’s accomplishment brings. Whether their team just won the championship game, or they are walking across a stage to gain recognition for a positive impact they are making, we feel honored too. We do not, however, often discuss the feelings we experience when the recognition they are gaining is for a negative impact. The phone call we receive from the school principal, or parent, when our child is not making good decisions.

What if you are faced with the realization that your child is bullying others? At that moment, the best decision you could possibly make is to stop and breathe. As you listen to the information that is being shared, consider the source as a member of your team, someone who cares deeply about helping your child develop and grow into a responsible, accountable individual. Resist the urge to become defensive or angry.

Try not to allow this information to feel like an attack on your parenting skills or as a defining moment for how your child is viewed by others. Resist the urge to ignore this information and instead begin the dialogue with your child to better understand what is causing this behavior.

Remember, depending on your child’s age, they may not yet possess the verbal skills to express feelings of anger, depression, or frustration but may instead act out those emotions with their behaviors.

As you talk with your child, they may offer you clues that express feelings of low self-esteem, a desire to fit in with a specific peer group (and a need to have power), they may be imitating aggressive behaviors they are observing, or they may be striving to gain attention.

Help your child to understand the impact their behaviors are having on others.

Often, they have not even considered that they are “hurting” someone with their words or actions. Role-playing various situations with them will help them to identify how their behavior is making others feel while exploring new strategies for coping with situations.

Be very clear on your expectations and that hurting others (whether it is physical, verbal or cyber-bullying) is not acceptable, helping to extinguish this behavior with clearly defined consequences if the behavior continues. Your conversation should help your child develop accountability for their actions while creating a safe place for open communication.

Remember that you don’t have to maneuver this journey alone. Consider the valuable resources that you could also include on your team, such as your child’s school counselor, teacher, or trusted coach.

Above all, recognize that you now have an opportunity to work with your child to develop healthier social skills that will result in more positive outcomes for everyone involved. PIQ

Julie Markle is a school guidance counselor at Pritchardville Elementary with 17 years of experience. She is married to Jeff, and is Mom to Alex. Originally from Indiana, she moved to South Carolina three years ago and loves the beach, boating, and sunshine!