KILTED CADDIE
First Tee Nerves AFP/Jim Watson
It is always a privilege as a caddie to stand on the first tee of the Old Course. However, as the Kilted Caddie explains, there is a world of difference in standing there holding a golf bag as to having a club in hand…
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Golf legends Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Gary Player prepare to tee off on the 1st tee during the first round of the 78th Masters at Augusta National Golf Club in 2014 HK GOLFER・DEC 2017
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Miguel Angel Jiménez plays his ball back off the wall onto the road hole Green, the 17th, during his third round of the Open at St Andrews in 2010
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AFP/Ian Stewart
his event for most people coming here is probably the most singular, momentous and nerve racking in their golfing lives. It is usually the fulfilment of a dream to be in St Andrews and playing the most famous golf course in the world. Adrenalin kicks in and, in addition, there are usually a sizeable number of onlookers taking spectacle of the most iconic scene in golf. Indeed, the spot is now a major tourist attraction and on a summers day there can be quite a crowd. As caddies we often sense it in our players. You know the keen excited conversation, nervous laughter, the scurrying around the golf bag, the excessive number of practice swings. Some will just openly admit they are damn well nervous and don’t rate their chances of moving the ball too far. However, in most cases they hit splendid shots into the sea of green, which is the rather generous and wide area of the first and eighteenth fairways. In fact, it takes a pretty bad shot not to hit this ocean of fairway. However, last Saturday playing in the St Andrews Club Autumn Prizes Competition, I hit that pretty bad shot. In fact, I hit two of them. As I stood on the medal tee, I’ll admit to having nerves and also being rather under the spotlight, as the sun was out, and a good fifty onlookers had assembled behind us. Moreover, we were off back tees, right under the nose of the R&A clubhouse. I took out my driver as there was a wee breeze. However, I hit an almighty, careering hook which headed with great velocity towards the upper balcony of the white house next to the New Club. I felt it incumbent to shout a rather loud ‘fore’ as the ball crashed into the cars and startled looking tourists on the street. Oops! There was this stunned silence and a sense from the crowd that this game of golf had the potential for entertainment after all. Worst still I was wearing my cerise pink shorts and striped, orange Tom Morris socks, 70
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which were doing nothing to help me blend into the background let’s say. I let my pa r t ners h it t hei r shot s up the middle and teed up a provisional. I had sudden ly become a major focus of attention to everyone in the local vicinity and of particular interest to resident Links householders, curious Asian tourists and people having left their cars parked next to the course. A keen silence prevailed as I proceeded to hit an almost identical shot. Absolutely mortified now, I could not bring myself to shout another ‘fore’ as I quickly reasoned that everyone in their right minds would have had their eyes peeled on my ball, as it headed dangerously and ominously towards the houses and cars, still parked on the street. On the upside there was no sound of brea k i ng gla ss, screa ms or i ndeed a ny angry shouts. There was just an uncanny and unsettling calm. A kind of amazed and amused silence as if people hadn’t quite registered what had happened or simply felt that laughing was not appropriate for the scene’s gravity. Apart from the voice of one small boy who I think wished me luck. When at University, my golf team captain HKGOLFER.COM
made an equally embarrassing scene for himself on that first tee. Except he fell onto it. He had imbibed in too many house gins at lunch in the annual Universit y/R& A match, didn’t overly negotiate the steps and ended up prostrate under his golf bag, much to the hilarity of several onlookers and a full bay window of that Royal and Ancient clubhouse. However, he did get up and smash one down the middle. Equally memorable stories relate to the adjacent 17t h a nd 18t h holes a nd were recou nted to me by Bro d ie who i s a n old school caddie who has seen it all as they say. First on the famous Road Hole seventeenth, he had a player in his group who had h it r ight up aga i n st t he wa l l a nd t hought he would tr y a nd emulate Jiménez’s incredible ‘wall shot’ in the 2010 Open. You k now when t he charismat ic Spaniard hit his ball hard into the wall and it rebounded in a pitch like trajectory, over his head, to land softly on the green. So, this chap stood ambitiously over his ball while his weathered caddie watched on and smiled with a knowing glee at Brodie. The man hit a hard blow, but unfortunately the ball ricocheted off the wall in no pitch HKGOLFER.COM
like trajectory, but rather speedily, onto the caddie’s bald pate and over the wall out of bounds. And suffice it to say that this caddie was no longer smiling. Brodie then recounted how he’d had an American chap hit a wayward drive at the last onto the roof of 17th The Links and back onto the fairway. The chap then hit a slice onto the roof of Waldon House (14th The Links) and again back onto the fairway. He then pitched to ten feet and sank it for a par. Brodie said it was the best par there that he’d ever seen in 17 years of caddying. Well, on Saturday my last drive down 18th soared high above the rooftops of the houses on the Links but it went straight this time and ended up 30 yards short of the green. But alas there was no gallery to witness it and I do think the people that were there four hours earlier would not quite have believed it. I finish on telling you about a Mr Bird’s second shot into the 18th which I witnessed recently. Mr William Bird from the USA was across for a trip to celebrate his 65th birthday with some friends. He had hired a professional cameraman for the week and was taking things seriously. Anyhow, I happened to be out for a walk and stood behind the green to watch his approach shot from before the road. He hit, and it bounced a couple of times before the green at which point I said, ‘that is a good shot’. It then meandered up the valley of sin and kept a perfect pace and hyperbolic path into the back of the cup. Well done Mr Bird who it transpires hit an eight iron from 165 yards. What a birthday present. And I do hope your friends will be calling you Bill the Eagle henceforth. Please write to thekiltedcaddie@gmail.com if you have any comment HK GOLFER・DEC 2017
AFP/Adrian Dennis
David Frost plays from the bunker on the 17th of the Dunhill Cup at St Andrews in 1998
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