Annual Journal 2021

English Society A.A.H.K.U.S.U. Session 2020–2021

ANNUAL JOUR NAL - 2021 -

Meet the excos Freshmen Guide Annual Creative Writing Competition 2021

Table of Contents Introduction: 3 – Foreword 4 – About English Society 5 – Meet the Excos

Freshmen Guide: 10 – On par for Course 12 – Systematical Changes 13 – Zoomed in 14 – The subject at hand 15 – Executive Input 16 – In sight on Site 18 - Blast to the past

Annual Creative Writing Competition: 24 – Winning Entries 33 – Editor’s Choices

FOREWORD I read something in a book once, a little dog-eared crease of pages in a book store that had been well-loved. I don’t remember the exact wording, but it went a little something like: “Life is just a process of giving what little time we have to the things we love”. For some reason, that line resonates with me until today, the thought that every moment I spend alive I am somehow giving away love.

I’ve never figured out which book that line comes from, and I don’t think I ever will.

Weirdly enough, I think there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to.

There’s something beautiful about the idea of believing in something so intensely and deeply that you don’t feel the need to know the whole of it. Or so it goes.

So I like to think of the passing of time as giving love. I wonder how much I have given this year, to the world around me. I can’t say this year has been the easiest or smoothest, but I think of it fondly, because without all the ups and downs none of us would be the people we are today. It’s only by this process of giving love can we learn and grow to become newer and better versions of ourselves.

I thank my fellow exco members for spending this slice of life with me by my side. It’s been a process of love with you all too, and without you I’m sure this year would have turned out a lot duller. It is only with your support that I am able to finish both LINK and the Annual Journal.

I can’t thank any of you enough for the past year.

We are always giving love, in our own form and ways.

Something about that thought makes me happy.

This very journal you are reading right now is a work of love. No matter who you are, I hope some of that love can be conveyed to you.

~ Sharon

3

English Society A.A.H.K.U.S.U. Aiming to promote the welfare of its members as well as the use of the English language to

the students of the University, English Society,

A.A.H.K.U.S.U. was founded in 1960. We aim to

support the students under the Faculty of English, hosting a plethora of academic events throughout

the year, such as the English Festival, which aims to promote and encourage the use of the English Language over 4 different events and our

upcoming High Table Dinner, meant to create

space for discussion between the students and the School of English. We also hold various

non-academic events such as the Welfare Week

as well as our Orientation Programme to provide students social activities and chances to enjoy themselves.

Further, the Society acts as a bridge between the students and the School of English. We hope to represent the student body and voice their

opinions and ideas to the School of English. By working together, we hope to foster a more

comfortable and productive learning environment for everybody involved.

4

Our Session: Our motto, “Soar above boundaries on wings of poesy”, perfectly encapsulates the heart of our session. We believe that anybody can overcome the difficulties that stand in their way and break the many boundaries that we are held back by in life. Though everybody faces different hardships in their lives, by having the courage and willingness to tackle each obstacle head-on, anybody can soar to heights beyond their imagination.

Separately, The phrase “wings of poesy” is taken from the famous John Keats poem Ode to a Nightingale, representing our love and passion for literature and the English language. Our session hopes that we have also been part of these “wings” that have helped our fellow HKU students soar over their individual boundaries throughout our term.

Ronny Chan Majors/Minors: Chairperson - English Language and Acting General Secretary Linguistics (Major) - Comparative Literature (Major)

Being the Chairperson and Acting General Secretary of English Society has been a challenging yet fruitful experience. From writing minutes and coordinating internal meetings to organising events and voicing out members’ opinions in external meetings, I’ve brushed up my leadership, collaboration and management skills. What’s more, I have had the precious opportunity to work and have fun with other supportive Exco members and cooperate with Exco members from other academic societies. If you’d also like to gain more hands-on experiences and enlarge your social circle, don’t hesitate to become an Exco member of our Society and begin your unique adventure!

5

Vanessa Tse External Vice-Chairperson Acting Marketing Secretary

Majors/Minors: - English Language and Linguistics (Major) - Computer Science (Minor)

Becoming an executive member of student societies is one of the aspects of the well-known ‘five facets of university life’, and truth be told, this is precisely the reason why I made the bold decision to join the English Society as the External Vice-Chairperson and Acting Marketing Secretary.

The former is my first choice and I am eternally grateful that I have been given the position I favour the most among all. As for the Acting post, I must say I was reluctant to take it at first considering that taking up one post is already demanding and challenging enough. I questioned and doubted whether I could handle it. But eventually, I pulled it through. The crucial lesson here is that you think you may not be able to survive, but eventually, you will sail through and nail it. I am glad that I have come so far with my comrades in English Society, and I trust that you all will share my feelings if you step out of your comfort zone and explore all that university life, and life by large, has to offer.

Jenny Ng

6

Internal Vice-Chairperson Majors/Minors: Acting financial secretary - Surveying (Major) You may wonder why a student from the Faculty of Architecture would become an exco of English society. I still remember I was stressed about making new friends in an unfamiliar environment at the beginning of year 1, as everything was going to be held online. I was attracted by the theme of Eng Soc’s online orientation, based on one of my favourite movies—Crazy Rich Asians. I realized that becoming an exco is the best way to meet like-minded friends with similar interests and have fun throughout the year. Most importantly, you get to organize various activities on the topics you are interested in and have encouraging partners to support you through thick and thin.

Sharon Lee Majors/Minors: - English Studies (Major) - Psychology (Minor)

Publication Secretary Acting promotion Secretary

A year has passed in the blink of an eye, faster than I could have ever imagined.

Though I won’t deny that being an ExCo member gets tough sometimes, but I often joke to myself that being part of this society does give me the feeling of “university life” more than anything, and knowing that, all the hard work I’ve put in suddenly feels all worth it. Though having to complete so much throughout the year was definitely demanding, the satisfaction I get in return seeing my efforts come to fruition is unsurmountable. I’ve met a group of people who really understand me throughout this journey, as well as grown and improved so much as a person, looking back, I don’t think I would exchange this experience for anything.

Ashley Siu

Academic Secretary

Majors/Minors: - English Studies (Major) - Linguistics (Major) - French (Minor) Looking back, I am not sure what exactly inspired me to become an exco member: maybe it was the idea that it could be reduced into a scribbled line in my otherwise blank CV, or that it was a way meet new people in university. But now that I have emerged from the other end, I could confirm that this role means so much more — it is an experience on its own that I could never find elsewhere, and a platform that allows me to put ideas into motion. Organizing an entire festival and having the ability to invite and converse with esteemed guests and professors, for example, are rare opportunities I will forever be grateful for.

7

Percy Lam Social Secretary Acting Promotion Secretary

Majors/Minors: - Language and Communication (Major) - Linguistics (Major) - Japanese (Minor)

To be very honest, being an Executive Committee member was easier than I thought.

Although compiling the year plan and going through all the campaigns were extremely hectic, everything loosened up after that. In my opinion, what matters the most during the year will always be “communication”, especially when we only just had more than half the amount of people in a supposedly full committee of twelve.

Communication is exceptionally crucial to not only facilitate efficiency, but also the intimacy between your teammates. It could be tough at times for sure, but I had always believed, nothing could stop us with all of us united. It has been a wonderful journey and it is such a pleasure to be a part of it, even if I may just be a tiny speck in this amazing adventure.

Programme Secretary

8

Keanna Chan

Majors/Minors: - English Language and Linguistics (Major) - Counselling (Minor) It’s been a busy yet fruitful year. While online schooling seemingly isolates us from one another, I have been rewarded with a bunch of great friends and fruitful memories through joining the Executive Committee of the Society. What I will always recall are the unique and unforgettable memories we share, late-night deep talks, discord meetings when we rush our assignments together, jong gatherings when we went picnic, bowling… to name a few. I couldn’t be more grateful for the strong bond that ties us like a big family. We started out being quite different, but when we got to spend more time together, we gradually discovered our common grounds and have been able to get along.

If you ever ask me for tips to survive your first year in university, it’d probably be plucking up your courage to step out of your comfort zone. You’ll never know how surprising your rewards could be unless you’ve tried.

freshmen guide 9

On -par for course A guide to Course selections By Ronny Chan & Sharon Lee Welcome to the School of English! We welcome students from all faculties to take the courses we offer and join us in the study of the English language. Lost on where to begin when selecting from the list of courses we offer? Look no further, we’ve prepared a guide to help you get started!

If you plan to major or minor in English Studies (ENGL), please ensure that you have: - a minimum Level 5 in English Language in the HKDSE examination, or an equivalent score in another recognised English proficiency test - chosen the right courses to fulfill your prerequisite in Year 1

PREREQUISITES & INTRODUCTORY COURSES: To major in English, students must pass at least one introductory course from List A. To later enroll in advanced English Studies courses, students have to pass at least three introductory courses with at least one from both List A and List B. List A courses tend to have larger class sizes and focus on themes on a broader scale. It introduces students to the historical and social impacts of the language as well as the different movements that have impacted the usage of the language.

List B courses have smaller class sizes and focus more on specific topics. It teaches students critical reading as well as analytical skills in a more in-depth manner. List B courses equip students with the needed skills to effectively write an academic essay.

Students will need to take a minimum of five introductory courses (at least two from List A and two from List B) as part of the English Major requirements.

Along with the new arrangement of LCOM courses this year (please refer to page 12: “Systematical Changes” for more information), you should pass at least three introductory courses and four advanced courses with a literature or language and communication focus if you would like to get a certificate attesting to the specialisation in the “Literature Stream” or “Language and Communication Stream” respectively.

10

If you want to major or minor in other subjects, you should also make sure that you take a look at the websites of the respective departments and fulfill the prerequisites in Year 1.

WHAT TO CHOOSE: While many students might stress over picking the right courses to fulfill their requirements, we believe the most important criteria for selecting courses is whether or not you’re interested in the course content. There is no right or wrong when it comes to choosing courses. Given the large flexibility of taking a major in English, students can customise their study load however they want, being able to choose another major or picking up a minor.

We recommend students research the courses they’re interested in beforehand!

There’s more detailed information about each of the courses offered by the School of English on their website, where students can learn about the syllabus, assessment method, and schedule of each course. Picking courses can be a finicky task at first, but there’s bound to be the right course out there for you!

But what if you do end up picking the wrong course? That’s when the Add/Drop Period comes in. For the first two weeks of the semester, students are free to enroll or drop out of courses. Most lectures in these two weeks will be introductory classes that discuss the syllabus in the course. It’s a good chance for students to learn if that course is best suited to them!

AFTER CHOOSING: You’re pretty much all set after choosing your courses for the year! Our advice for you is pretty simple: While not all courses will turn out the way you’d originally expect, keep an open mind and try to enjoy each course to the fullest. The professors and other students are all here for you, don’t be shy to ask and answer questions during lectures and tutorials!

Everybody learns differently, and we suggest each student take to university life at their own pace. University life is full of different opportunities, and we hope that everybody can find the right rhythm for themselves. While you’re studying hard, don’t forget to check out the many different societies and clubs you can join to fully enrich your university life!

11

systematical Changes - Introducing the lcom merge By Ronny Chan & Sharon Lee From this year onwards, the Language and Communication (LCOM) Programme, which was applicable to the cohorts admitted in 2020–21 and before, will be phased out.

LCOM courses will be double-coded with English Studies (ENGL) courses. This change does not affect students admitted prior to this year.

Freshmen admitted in 2021–22 will no longer be able to declare a major or minor in “Language and Communication”. But fear not, you will still be able to take the same LCOM courses in your studies! Moving forward, “Language and Communication” would be incorporated as a specialisation stream into English Studies in addition to the “Literature Stream”. Note that students will still be able to graduate with a major in English even without choosing to specialise in either stream.

By passing seven or more courses (three introductory courses and four advanced courses), students admitted into the new system will be given a certificate endorsed by the School of English. Depending on if the courses taken are part of the “Literature Stream” or the “Language and Communication Stream”, students will be able to choose either which stream they which to specialise in. Students can even specialise in both streams if all necessary requirements are met upon request!

For students admitted prior to 2021–2022, you may have noticed that many courses offered by the School of English are now double-coded with both an ENGL code and an LCOM code. Depending on your preference, you can choose either the ENGL course code or the LCOM course code to fulfill your requirements. However, a double-coded course cannot be counted for both an ENGL requirement and an LCOM requirement.

We know it’s a new system, but it’s one that is sure to bring improvement to the table.

So, rest assured that there will not be significant impacts on your studies or future employment after the restructuring of the LCOM Programme!

12

ZOOMED IN - A reflection of the past Year By Keanna Chan Is this even University? I believe this is a common question amongst my cohorts and other seniors. We no longer have to rush to lecture halls and take attendance for our classes. Instead, we wake up one minute before the scheduled zoom meeting, wear pajamas and stay at home for the lessons or watch pre-recorded videos and do online discussion forums.

Well, despite all the human contact we lost, dual-mode learning did give me something. With much less commuting time as everything could be done in my room with my laptop, I had more quality me-time to reflect and communicate with my emotions, and more capacity to develop new interests. But whether making use of the time to become a better version of yourself or letting all those time go to waste is all up to you. It all goes down to self-discipline eventually.

Therefore, I have developed the habit of tidying up to cope with the new normal. I’m not even joking, it helps! De-cluttering helps improve our concentration by creating a decent working space and a classroom-like environment. Usually, I prepare a huge glass of water, my digital appliances, my glasses, and some snacks before lessons begin so I don’t have to get out from my seat constantly during the lecture to get things I need from corners of the house. Learning efficiency could be greatly enhanced just with a clean space!

Apart from staying tidy, it’s also important to be active and not be shy.

Take the initiative to communicate with your classmates and lecturers.

It could be about a group project, for a clearer understanding of course materials or requirements, or simply the willingness to expand your social circle. Too often, we are reluctant to speak up during online lectures or ask questions because we are scared to be seen as somebody who tries way too hard. However, we should know that we aren’t the only ones with questions. If you are having doubts, it is very likely that other students in the meeting room are feeling the same. Asking a question doesn’t only help yourself out, but it also helps others around you. Don’t be afraid!

Going back to face-to-face learning in the coming academic year, I really expect to see a more vibrant and energetic campus where more human interactions are found. It’s also my first time having real-life lectures so I’m keeping my hopes high. I’m looking forward to having, quote-unquote, “real” university life, in which I get to actually sit in lecture halls with a bunch of people, rush to different halls during the short gaps, meet new faces, and try out more restaurants near HKU. After all, humans need social lives. Hopefully, face-to-face teaching brings us all more joy and fruitfulness in the coming year!

13

The subject At hand - Two Streams: where the differences lie By Percy Lam Though LCOM will no longer be offered as a major and will use ENGL course codes in the new system, there are still differences to be found between the two. In the new system that introduces the LCOM merge, courses offered by the School of English will now be either classified as part of a “Literature Stream” or “Language and Communication Stream”. Depending which stream(s) students want to specialise in, they can pick and match their courses as they please!

Literature courses focus mainly on the study of literature written in english, as well as creative writing. Students can expect to be asked to analyse different pieces of literature as well as understanding different themes and techniques. If you’re interested in taking more literature courses, be prepared to read!

Pertaining more to the language itself, Language and Communication courses are more typically focused on how we use the language. It teaches students the tools needed to communicate through examination and reflection of the language. It focuses on the impact of the language both in international and global contexts.

Other courses students studying English might be interested in are Comparative Literature (CLIT) and Linguistics (LING). In comparison to ENGL and LCOM courses, CLIT courses put more emphasis on the context of texts as well as how cultural phenomena and the operation of power and discourses are manifested in the chosen texts. LING courses, on the other hand, focus more on the language itself, beyond just English, and discuss the structure, use and origins of a language.

Depending on your interests and study requirements, pick the courses that suit you best!

14

Executive Input - On being an Exco By Ashley Siu & Keanna Chan I would be lying if I said I did not find being an exco member stressful. As someone who preferred to be very well prepared before executing anything, this role kept me constantly on my toes as there were always new things to learn.

One of my major roles as the academic secretary was to organize the society’s academic event, namely English Festival. During the planning stage, I quickly realized how much consideration has to be put into every choice I make no matter how trivial they seem, from the guests to be invited to the precise number of chairs to be acquired. Yet it is this element of my role that greatly contributed to one of the most interesting and rewarding experiences I have ever had: not only do I now respect and appreciate event planners who are working silently behind the scenes, but I have also ironically learned to “stop planning”. Sometimes the best way to figure out whether a plan works or not is to actually put it to the test and worry later.

And most importantly, among the challenging moments are other exco members — no, trustworthy friends I made along the way — who are willing to help, console, and comfort.

Whenever a decision becomes too difficult to make alone is when I rely on my friends to arrive at a conclusion together, and to provide solutions with fresh perspectives at times I am unable to do so. All in all, these moments turn into learning experiences I could never have anywhere else, and to me, this is worth my blood, sweat, and tears.

Ashley

Keanna

There have been countless bitter and sweet throughout the year of being an exco. To be very honest, I have doubted and questioned myself for the decision of picking up the job. Living in a hall and being the programme secretary myself, my year has been unbelievably busy.

I still remember the day when I had 3 lectures in a row, rushed to Chi Wah for our ExCo meeting and headed straight to the pitch for softball practice. I tried my best to fulfill my schedule, but I barely had the time to eat and I was feeling ill and drained eventually. I went back to my room, shut the door and could not stop my tears from dropping. All negative thoughts and helplessness seem to flood in all of a sudden. I was insecure, very overwhelmed and was constantly thinking if I should quit everything to restart as I have way too much on my shoulders and everything seemed to be unbearable. But if there hadn’t been these experiences of struggling to balance everything, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today.

If I ended up quitting everything, I wouldn’t have met a bunch of loyal and kind people, who I could share my ups and downs; I wouldn’t have remembered so clearly the sense of accomplishment we all shared after successfully holding an event; I wouldn’t have enriched my first year in university.

And here I am, sharing my hectic yet memorable experience with you all. Looking back, my year has been fruitful. Perhaps there’s more sweet than bitter throughout the year.

15

In sight on site - Our favourite locations on campus → Ronny

Centennial Garden is definitely the best place in HKU. When you are overwhelmed by academic stress, I suggest that you visit the Centennial Garden with your friends to kick back and relax. Back in my first semester in HKU, I always went to the Centennial Garden to have lunch with my pals after Comparative Literature Class and we had lots of fun there. The Garden includes the Bricks Wall, the sculpture named Fortiter in re, Suaviter in modo (meaning “vigorous in deed, gentle in manner”), the Little Garden and the art piece “Universe”. Do remember to check out the Centennial Garden and learn more about its unique features!

Vanessa ←

When you ask any HKU-er where they study for their midterms and finals, most would probably tell you Chi Wah, in full, Chi Wah Learning Commons. Yet, I personally prefer the Main Library. In case you haven’t already known where the Main Library is, it is situated roughly in the middle of the Pok Fu Lam Road Campus, between the University Street and the Run Run Shaw Podium. The seven-story building is not only the home to tens of thousands of books as well as journals which help you write your assignments, but it also provides study desk cubicles, discussion rooms, and computers so that you can work on your academics without distraction. Do check out the Main Library when you are looking for a place to knuckle down!

→ Jenny

16

Knowles building is the place with the highest possibility of spotting Jenny. Knowles Building is the home to the students from the Faculty of Architecture, we even call it “Knowles Hall”, as we spend more time inside the building than at home, sometimes we even sleep there. You might find this building unremarkable at first glance, indeed, Knowles Building is not the most appealing or stylish building in HKU. It is just a simple modernist architecture with a pragmatic design that focuses on functionality. Surprisingly, the structure inside the building is not as uncomplicated as its facade, there are different floor plans for each floor, so you might be lost in the building like one of those urban legends.

→ Sharon

Right below the middle of Run Run Shaw Podium is a little pond filled with lotus flowers and fish. Passersby can walk through the pond through a path with a bridge or observe it a little higher up on the Podium. Right next to the lily pond is a tall gum tree, considered to be a champion tree in Hong Kong. I love visiting the pond whenever I have time to take a moment to recalibrate myself and take the time to pause and rest a little before refocusing on my day. Lotus flowers sprout from mid-June to mid-July, so make sure not to miss the season while they’re in bloom!

Ashley ←

On the second floor of the Jockey Club Tower, near the Chi Wah Learning Commons, is an alternative study space unbeknownst to many. Small but well furnished, the area is much like a mini Chi Wah Learning Commons decked with the usual tables, chairs, sofas, and plenty of electric sockets. Personally, I find the area especially suitable for attending Zoom classes not only because of the availability of a quick charge, but also due to the fact that its atmosphere is relatively friendly for speaking out loud. This is also my go-to spot when I find the Main Library too quiet or Chi Wah Learning Commons too crowded.

→ PerCY

As a person who prefers to work in a vibrant location, my go-to location will be lower U-Street. Despite being located in outdoor areas, there is usually a cool breeze throughout the summer. If you ever feel hungry or burnt-out whilst frantically catching up with your deadlines, there are several restaurants to choose from either in the composite building or centennial campus. The balance of vitality and tranquility in non-lunch hours is seamless to not be distracting, while still giving you the energy to work from your surroundings. Just a small reminder, the number of tables are really limited, so don’t forget take one before they are occupied!

Keanna ←

Being a foodie and a person that loves spending time chilling out in cafés, Café 330 in Chong Yuet Ming Amenities Centre is one of my go-to places in HKU. I spent quite several afternoons there working as the environment is quite decent. Their meals are also pretty affordable and tasty. My favorite combination is having a Green Tea White Chocolate Muffin with a cup of Cappuccino, it’s undoubtedly my comfort and energy-boosting set! Next time when you pass by, perhaps consider giving it a try! I’m sure it won’t let you down.

17

T S A BL

18

T S A P E H T TO Letters to ourselves 1 year ago: What we’d wish we’d known

After the first year at University, all the ExCo members have learned a lot. Looking back, what did we wish we‘d known? What would we tell ourselves?

We took the time to sit down and reflect on the past year, each of us writing a letter dedicated to the person we were a year ago.

Starting a new journey at University isn’t easy, and the future is always unpredictable. Only by experiencing firsthand can we learn to grow and improve. However, maybe a little piece of advice would have helped us along our ways. A year ago, we were definitely different people, having been molded by the past year. We hope that by reading our letters, you can learn a little bit more too.

ronny

Dear Ronny,

I know you are never confident with the choices you’ve made, but I wanna tell you that you have made two right decisions last year — becoming a BA&BEd (English Language) student and an Executive Committee member of English Society.

I still vividly remember that you were wavering between the BA&LLB programme and BA&BEd (English Language) programme after the release of DSE results. Your friends and parents kept persuading you to join the former programme as it secures high income and stable life. Nevertheless, you thought you weren’t a good fit for being a counsel. You aspired to become a teacher as you could instill in future pioneers the correct moral values in the wave of political tribulations, expose them to the beauty of Language and Literature, and be their best companions when they encounter obstacles. Your pure motivation to teach and influence others’ lives compelled you to join the BA&BEd programme, where you got to equip yourself with professional pedagogical approaches and educational theories and gain hands-on teaching experiences. I’m so proud of you for being able to follow your own path and steer your own course of life. Can’t wait to see you working with children and adolescents four years later!

I’m also happy to learn that you have become an Executive Committee member of English Society.

I still remember that back one year ago, you were never confident about making decisions and were very much introverted. After being admitted to the BA&BEd Programme, you constantly questioned if your decision could satisfy your teachers’ and parents’ expectations of you. At that time, you also seldom reached out to people as you were more comfortable with keeping things to yourself.

However, at the outset of the semester, you decided to step out of your comfort zone and become the Chairperson of English Society. Throughout the year, you had to make countless decisions, from whether or not to cancel an event under the pandemic situation to the theme of English Festival, and you never regretted your decisions for once because other Exco members always supported them.

You also managed to enlarge your social circle by taking the initiative to mingle with Exco members from other societies in activities like the Inauguration Ceremony. If you hadn’t joined English Society, you would certainly not have become who you are now.

Thank you so much for making these two decisions. Drink more water and love yourself more.

Take care, Ronny

19

vanessa

Dear younger Vanessa, I know you have been struggling with how to make the most of your university life. If only time could be rewound, you have no idea how much I wish you had the knowledge and skills.

The very first thing you need is to manage your time wisely. You are offered countless opportunities, to mention a few, hall, student societies, work, part-time job, and internship. It is indeed understandable that you want to have it all but it’s a pity that we have to be realistic. You don’t have to commit yourself to everything in your first year. I know you can’t wait to lead a fruitful life, but don’t make hasty decisions because you have plenty of time.

Another thing you should bear in mind is that you are here for academic pursuit. You have worked so hard in high school all for the sake of getting into HKU. Never should you let your effort go down the drain. Allocate time to finish readings in the same week you are supposed to and follow closely to the timeline you set for a heavily weighted assignment.

Last but not the least, seize every chance to equip yourself with knowledge, skills, and experience. You will be entering an entirely different stage after graduating from university. Before you have to drown yourself in the sea of work and bills, have a blast.

I wish you nothing but the best in the years to come.

Best The older Vanessa

Dear Jenny, It has been ages since I wrote to you. I remember the last time I wrote to you was form 1, when I was asked to write a letter to my future self.

I got back the letter when I graduated from secondary school. It was all about working hard and trying your best in DSE. I realized that I didn’t really know myself well back then, that’s why I didn’t have much to say to myself in that letter.

Jenny, I would like to thank you for participating in various activities and programmes outside school. You really have stepped out of your comfort zone and broadened your horizon, as well as social circle. You realized that the world is much bigger than you think and you started to take things easy. I am so glad that you have become an HKU surveying student, but I know you’re not sure if it was the right decision and if you’re suitable for this profession. I want to tell you that don’t regret anything because life is too short for you to worry about stupid things and regret the past. You just have to learn from the past and grab every opportunity you have.

No matter how good or how bad the experience is, it’s part of the story of your life.

I hope you will never forget how amazing and beautiful you are, and enjoy every single moment of life. No matter what happens, life goes on.

XOXO, Jenny

20

Jenny

Hey, Looking back, I think I simultaneously overestimated and underestimated university, if that makes sense at all.

At this point, you’re probably nervous and overthinking all the things you want and have to do this year, and maybe just a little excited too. You’ve always enjoyed the idea of independence, and even now you’re still no different. University was a chance for you to step up and begin making choices for your own, choices that directly affected your future. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, but I know you’ll make all the right ones.

(It’s getting a little weird to refer to you and I like we’re separate people, but I think you get the idea) Self-discipline is not something I practice very often. It’s more of a spontaneous “work when I feel like it” process with me, I’ll admit to that much at least. But throughout this year, there will be parts where you will need to sit down and force yourself to work even if you don’t feel like it. It wasn’t particularly enjoyable, but I think you and I both know that we’re not the type of people (person?) to leave something unfinished. I’ll give you some warning in advance, it’s always been difficult to settle for something that isn’t just the way you like it, but things won’t go perfectly all the time. You’ll just have to deal with it.

Harsh, I know. But I know you wouldn’t have it any other way. It’ll be a year to remember up ahead, just live in the moment and don’t stress yourself out so much. Believe in yourself a little more, wouldn’t you?

See you on the other side, Sharon

Sharon

ashley Dear Ashley: Sometimes things will seem overwhelming.

Too many classes, too many readings, too many assignments, and it feels as if you are drowning in a sea of endless options and uncertainties. You look at others, who seem to be hanging on just fine — even forging their own paths — and think: are you not enough? If I could turn back time, the first thing I would have taught my past self was the importance of my own wellbeing.

University was a whole new section in my life, and while some looked at the crisp, blank page with optimism and excitement I found it dauntingly filled to the brim with things that could happen — mostly the negative ones. My past self prided in all things conventionally “productive”: basically having a tightly-knit schedule where I always had somewhere to go, something to do, someone to please. That was until they caught up to me without warning. Seeing as it was my first year in university I thought I could lighten my workload for a while to get used to my new environment, and I quickly realized that I was not myself. It started mildly at first: tightness in the chest, random heartbeats that raced a bit quicker, barely noticeable beneath the current. But then sometimes I struggled to breathe, and the physical manifestations of self-neglect increased in both intensity and frequency to the point where my functionality was compromised, and I knew I had to do something about it even though taking time off felt wrong and, well, “unproductive”.

It took me a whole year to accommodate myself in my schedule, but eventually, I learned. Sometimes things will seem overwhelming — except we have to accept that we all have our own limits and that nothing is a must. So when there are too many classes, too many readings, too many assignments, and too many opportunities to chase after, we must, unfortunately, give something up (or in other words, prioritize certain things). I wish I realized sooner, but from now on, I value my mental and physical health above all else.

Best, Ashley

21

Dear Percy from one year ago, It was such a different year, wasn’t it? The first year experiencing both online and dual-mode of studying in a place you were unfamiliar with. Despite the tough times adapting to your environment and culture you would face soon, just know that your optimism and goofiness would take you through them. Use that power to help your friends in need.

Countless problems will be faced in your upcoming journey. Just bear this in mind, thorough preparation and time management are the keys to solve your dilemmas. While the former lowers the chances of errors occurring, the latter ensures your working pace is smooth and bearable. Even if you feel bombarded, seek help from others! You are not a burden, especially to your friends. Do not fear to speak up about your emotions, you are not weak by disclosing yourself. Contrarily, it takes a lot of courage and bravery.

I can assure you of the fruitful year ahead of you. Please remember this, everything and everyone happens for a reason. Find that reason and live on.

Love, Percy

percy Dear Keanna,

Keanna

Hey! You must still be insecure and timid at this point, so one-year-older Keanna (hopefully a more mature one) is here to give you some pep talk on starting your university life.

As a freshman, it’s normal if you are having a tough time adapting to a new environment. I’m sorry to say that I won’t give you the blue pill by telling you that you’ll be mastering everything in a few weeks and there’s nothing to be worried about. Instead, I’ll be giving you the red pill – university life will always be a struggle full of uncertainties.

When all your burdens accumulate, things often go downhill and become more complicated. When it reaches a certain point, it’s natural for us to lose hope and faith, as we feel helpless. At this moment, instead of complaining and having breakdowns, what we should do is instead take a deep breath, and have a little talk with our inner self. This may not be easy. It never is. But we can do it. Take simple steps like forcing yourself to get out of bed although you feel so much better just lying there and not even thinking.

Sometimes it is to give a pep talk to ourselves or spending some me-time by the seaside.

Yes, life is tough, tough is life – but when we choose our attitude to this saying and accept it – change how we see this, see it as a challenge, a moment of growth. In accepting this challenge, we find hope during the process. We break through barriers. As they also say, when life gives us a lemon, let us make lemonade out of it.

Remember, help is always available, from people around you and also from the university. Love yourself, and don’t tolerate everything yourself as you deserve to be cared for and taken care of.

Here’s to wishing you all goodness kicking off your first year in HKU. With love, Keanna

22

Annual Creative Writing Competition 2021

ACCEPTANCE winning entries

23

CHAMPION

Words

Tse Mei Ying Gabrielle Somehow, I have developed a habit of biting my tongue. Whenever I want to shout, I force my attention towards that localised tanginess in my mouth. It’s soon become a familiar spot, then a banal one, the way potholes get camouflaged in dingy streets. When I kiss my husband and daughter their daily good-mornings and good-nights, I make sure to nip in my tongue. It’s my little secret.

“Mama, why are you biting yourself?” my daughter asked me one evening. I was watching a local soap then. A couple was shouting harsh, guttural words that I only half understood. I tore my gaze away. From her seat at the table, my daughter stared at me with her curious eyes.

Caught off guard, I blundered, “It’s nothing, darling.”

She nodded. She has arched eyelashes and my husband’s dark brows, but her gaze, innocent and alert, is entirely her own. Sometimes it disconcerts me. I quickly went to embrace her, and she nuzzled docilely into my stomach. We remained quiet for a few moments.

“Mama, you should stop biting.” Her voice was muffled into my shirt. I hugged her even more tightly, then with a small giggle, she pulled away. ~ I came to this city almost two decades ago, bright and coltish, eager to prove myself. I only had one pair of good stockings then, so I washed it each evening and immediately hung it up to dry. Every morning I switched the radio on and tried to make out the words: that means “newspaper”, that means “neighbour”... Each silhouette flitted by so quickly. When the hosts laughed, I’d laugh too. Some days I had to rush to work in damp, chilly stockings, but I never went with bare legs.

My colleagues were kind. Fong-jie, the unofficial matron, took an immediate liking to me. Like my late father, her eyes crinkled warmly when she smiled. She tutted like an offended hen whenever I brought canned sardines to work. “Andrea, drink some Chinese soup!” Fong-jie would demand, pushing a steaming bowl towards me.

“It’s good for your skin and hair – so many vitamins!”

One idle afternoon, Fong-jie circled her hand around my wrist. I still remember the soft marbling of her pink fingers. “Aiya,” she said, brows furrowed. “It’s no good. You are so pretty, but so skinny.” Squeezing my hand, Fong-jie earnestly sounded out the names of herbs she thought I should eat. I nodded in bemusement, ooh-ing and aah-ing whenever she paused for breath. But the English name of one herb escaped her. Fong-jie struggled hard to recall the pesky thing, but try as she might, the name never resurfaced. Not long after she fell silent. “I will write you a list, okay?” she said.

On my last day at the company, Fong-jie gave me a long hug. “Tell your lo-gong to feed you more!” she demanded. When Fong-jie let go, she dabbed puerilely at her cheeks, wetting the ends of her sleeves. ~

24

Not long after I got married, my cousin Marian wrote that she’d fly in for a visit. The letter was dashed off hurriedly, carelessly, her laughter pealing from each too-clever joke.

I spent a long afternoon browsing the wet market to prepare for Marian’s arrival. The market had become one of my favourite places. I fell in love with each disjointed patch of colour: the iridescent fish, the purpling lumps of tulips, and the red, bulbous lamps that turned each vendor’s jowls pink. Though I was jostled and shoved in the crowd, I never felt trapped. After all, everyone has their own route around the market. Sometimes the route is rehearsed, sometimes it is impromptu. But no two routes ever truly coincide.

Marian refused my offer to pick her up at the airport. “Look at you,” she laughed when I swung open the front door. Sauntering forward, she tugged at my tank top and smirked. “Those nuns back in our high school would call you whorish!”

We spent the whole night sitting cross-legged on the ground, poring over photo albums she’d brought from home. I marvelled at how quickly my nephews and nieces had grown. I mourned over my mother’s newly-minted silver hairs. After our third glass of wine, my husband fell asleep. He snored on our small couch, glasses askew, his cheek resting on his palm as though he were a baby. When Marian too drowsed off, I covered each of them with a jacket and gazed at the albums alone until sunrise. ~ I took my time washing the dishes. I could feel the heat of the water through my gloves, just the way I liked. In the living room, my daughter was humming to herself. I could hear her light, rhythmic footsteps, one-two-three-two-two-three, as though she was waltzing. Why are you waltzing alone, little one? Soon your papa will arrive home and call you his little ballerina. One-two-three two-two-three. I scrubbed each plate to her practised tempo.

Then a small knock on the kitchen door. “Mama?” came my daughter’s soft voice.

“What is it, my love?” I placed a dish in the sink and went closer to her, kneeling down. “Is everything okay?”

My daughter opened her mouth to speak. Then, blinking in confusion, she closed it again.

“I don’t remember what I wanted to say,” she finally managed.

She gazed at me helplessly, eyes wide, as if willing me to comprehend her thoughts. I cupped her perfect, downy cheeks, but through the kitchen gloves I couldn’t feel her warmth at all.

“It’s okay, darling,” I said querulously. I said it over and over and over, until I mustered the strength to embrace her and weep.

25

1st RUNNER-UP

The Impermanence of Decision Afina Nafisah Jasmine

Dear friend, How long has it been since I had last heard from you? An awful long time it seems.

How have you been? I hope you’ve been doing well. I’ve been doing very well.

I’m sorry I haven’t been faithful with responses. A lot of stuff has happened, and, well, a lot of stuff is still happening, but I thought it was about time I tried writing back to you.

I just entered university and it’s been an interesting few months. I had my exams, then I got my grades, then I got my offers; it all happened in quick succession and it felt like I barely had time to breathe. What was it like for you? I hope it went a little better than mine. I didn’t get to go on a vacation or sabbatical like I had hoped, but I’m holding up well.

Speaking of offers, we’d spoken about our first choices back then by the swimming pool, do you remember?

It was the second last day of the camp, a celebration was ensuing; some of us were inebriated, illegally, much to your dismay; and your boyfriend was next to you. We were on the chairs by the water; the two of you were spooning, but you were facing me. It was late at night, we’d finished our projects and could finally take a break.

The moon was full, and as dramatic as it sounds, or perhaps because I was sentimental and indeed mildly inebriated but never told you, the scene was awfully romantic. Save for the loud shouts and the sound of hurling around the corner, I remember that day fondly; it was a shame I was miserably single then and you weren’t! I would’ve loved to cuddle with someone in the moonlight, amongst chaotic naive teenage bliss.

Where was I? Oh yes! We were speaking about life and I don’t know how one thing led to another but we reached the topic of futures and degrees. We had wanted to study similar things. Something pragmatic, something that would be useful. Looking back, I don’t know why I was so ready to settle for something so boring. That isn’t to say you’re boring, of course. I think I just wanted to say I’ve gone through a lot of development since then, and I no longer feel like the same person. I don’t think I can stick to that kind of job anymore. My ass would be sore, and I swivel my chair too much to look respectable enough for a raise, which I’ve heard was an important part of the experience. I’m happy to say (or am I sad? And lying to myself is my way of coping? Who knows!) that I didn’t get into my first choice. I’d been a little unwise when I was placing my choices the first time; I mean we were at the cusp of 18, so one can only imagine the stupidity then. Can you imagine me doing something that serious? I could never. I can’t believe you never warned me against it! So yes, not going to my first choice. What about you? I hope you got into your first choice. I doubt you were as volatile as I am, so I think your first choice is still your first (just like your boyfriend! Are you two still together?). You were far smarter than me, far more well-spoken, so I’m sure there’s no way you missed out like I did.

I didn’t have the chance to tell you, but during the months leading up to the acceptance letter, I had gone through a bit of a reckoning (if you couldn’t already tell based off the change of heart). Over the summer, I started reconsidering what I wanted to do. I don’t know what sobered me up but I think I was suddenly looking at everyone’s hopes and dreams for me with an eerily cynical clarity. Maybe it was an early quarter-life crisis, maybe it was stress, maybe it was -- pause -- Maybelline. But I think I came to realise that no one wanted the best

26

for me, earnestly, other than myself. It was a terrifying thought. I realised that my teachers are forever going to see me as their student, that my parents are forever going to see me as their child, and that my classmates were forever going to see me as unwanted competition. No one, as hard as they could try, could honestly see me for me. And so, what was the point in trying to please other people? For their ego, I guess. But where does that leave mine? No one is going to have to live with my ego longer than myself. No one is going to have to live with myself longer than myself. I am my forever friend.

In an effort to run away from internal turmoil, as an inexperienced adult does, I got back to reading. That summer I read novel on top of novel and I kept my mind busy. I didn’t want to come face to face with the fact that I’d been approaching life very wrongly. I read a lot that summer; I think I’d been lying to myself then when I said I didn’t have the time to read; I think I figured I’d been lying to myself a lot, but I stopped thinking about that and I kept reading.

I came across this gem of a novel during that time. It had the most lyrical prose and the main character had very noisy thoughts. I realise that lyricism and noise rarely go together, but you’ll get what I mean in a bit. He would go on and on about wanting to do one thing, and he wouldn’t because of something else, and then he’d get mad at himself, and then he’d get mad at the world, and then he’d get mad at his lover. All of this was done in a very verbose manner. Awful fellow to be following around honestly! I don’t know why I enjoyed it so much (well, I do know why, but we’re getting there!). Truth be told, I don’t think anything happened in the story. We just followed him and his thoughts and his doing of nothing. He went cycling, okay; he’s playing the piano now; oh––and now he’s sleeping with another girl to forget his ever-so-absent lover. He does nothing. No wild adventure here. But I weirdly loved every second of it. Introspective stagnation may be my cup of tea.

I think I’ve mentioned my penchant for sad love stories to you before. Yes, that novel was an overindulgently sappy love story. Guess what happens at the end. Shock horror! -- They don’t end up together. Are we surprised? The latter half of the story may have had him finally following through with his actions for once, but it still doesn’t end the way he wants it to end. He is still scorned by his lover! Who leaves him! How unfair! And so you’re left wondering what the point was in wasting so much time in the beginning. You go about doing nothing, then you realise you should do something, then you do it, and you get an unhappy ending for yourself! Your lover gets married in three months. Geez louise. Much like the main character, I was wondering, ‘What the hell was the point! Why try!’ Why did I read this!

But I think it was exactly that: that there never really is a point. What is an end goal without a journey? What is a person without development? I was getting to that realisation. The book sent me into an existential crisis, even though I had been reading specifically to avoid that. Was I, too, like the main character, going to have spent so much of the earlier parts of my life doing nothing, to have a change of heart at 18, do something about it, and only to have my heart broken and dreams shattered by the time I’m old and frail, realising that it all wasn’t worth it? I don’t know. But I think, at the end of the day, I had too much of a vivacity for life to be thinking that nothing was worth happening anyways. I still wanted to live. I think I still liked living enough to keep trying.

I got into an argument with someone. About this.

‘Why tell a story when the lesson is so awful?’

Hmm? I don’t think stories are told so we can learn from them.

‘I think if you’re going to fiction to learn about what you should do in life, you’re being terribly misguided.’

Is fiction supposed to teach a lesson?

27

Do you remember the award ceremony? Your group and my group respectively won the award; along with one other group though I don’t remember who was in it. We didn’t win anything. We just got a shabby cert that they printed that morning. My name was spelled wrong and I never got the right copy back. I never told you the latter half of that story but I sent three emails! To no response! I eventually gave up. We had a speaker that day and I thought he was really bad. Imagine telling a bunch of kids that they should work hard to get what they want. Who hasn’t heard enough of that! More importantly; you’re telling us this in this economy? I think I rolled my eyes a good few times during his speech, and you saw me, and you smiled. Do you remember how there was this one girl who seriously agreed with him? I ended up arguing with her. I didn’t even know I could be riled up enough to argue with someone over that, but I guess I did. I don’t remember if you were there; I think I had heard from someone that you were, but I myself am not sure. I think I projected a lot of my insecurities onto her.

Was what I said vile?

What caused my indecision during my late teens was because I felt like I never had a fair chance at balancing interest and realistic possibility. It was one thing to grow up affluent and with parents who were supportive.

Can you imagine how easy ‘working hard’ would be then? Can you imagine going across the world for a camp that lasts only 10 days? That teaches us, what? Leadership? Which apparently consists of learning empathy and putting up a pity party for third world countries? Am I just ungrateful? Or am I weirded out by being taught, and having people willingly eat up content, about what it’s like being disadvantaged in life? I participated in one more leadership course after that. I hated it as well. Half the time the hosts were talking about how they were dealing with executives when they were at their ‘normal jobs’, as if teaching undergraduates was some charity service, and that we young adults should be happy that they are teaching us. I wonder if the executives are of a very specific sort.

I’m realising I’ve become hyper-aware of my circumstances. Of why I wanted to do this, versus why I needed to do this. My experience with reading has taught me to reflect; and I have a love-hate relationship with reflection because while it does spur growth, it greatly depresses me. My parents didn’t immigrate to a city that speaks a language nothing like theirs for their daughter to want to write fiction for a living. I have enough people sneering at me on a day-to-day; I have to work twice as hard at school to even exist to some people; I’m still a woman in a man’s world. How far is working hard supposed to take me? Why do I need to put in twice the effort for half the reward? Top that all off with wanting to be a creative. I sound like a lunatic. Might as well be sensible, I thought. I can see now that I grew up with a lot of hurt that I just shoved under the rug; I had some time to myself to think about it, but I think I barely articulated what I meant during the argument. I think I barely thought at all about myself before that reflective moment. I was just throwing around petty insults. I had never felt so demeaned by the system till then; let me be petty, I thought.

I spoke to you about the argument a while after and I think you sided with her. You too believed that hard work could get you far regardless, and I found the fact that you sided with her absolutely incredulous. I said a lot of nasty stuff; the fact that you still tried reaching after that is undeserved. I stopped speaking to you. What an awful way to part.

I think that’s why I remember the previous night so fondly. We were at least still getting along. I’m sorry for what I had said.

So I went back home and pretended life was still going as it normally was, even though I was feeling a little hollow. You had sent a few emails. I ignored them; I hid amongst my books. I finished the novel (and I realised I had yet to bring up its name) and lied there on my bed thinking about everything that had happened to me. I wonder if things would have gone over better if I never bottled up how I felt. It’s too late to figure it out now.

28

My applications are being processed. I lost a friend. Nothing to do about that now. I wonder if I had just learnt to be honest with myself sooner, and become a little wiser, then I would have made better decisions. How do you tell a child that her hyper-focus on an unwanted future was ultimately going to derail her life? I wonder if there’s any point in thinking about this.

On my bed, I weeped. I think I was realising that while my life itself hadn’t been stagnant, I was still graduating in a few months after all, I myself had been. In a bid to ‘get there’, I’d been denying myself much needed honesty. It took reflecting on a petty fight, and a book that a lot of people apparently despise (recall: nothing happens) for me to come into grasps with things.

I figured out why I liked the novel so much after the second time I read it. I deeply resonated with the main character and his indecision. I deeply resonated with that feeling of having started something too late and dealing with the consequences of it. I realised it was about time, as late as it actually was, to start doing something after a whole lot of nothing with myself. What was the worst ending I could have for myself anyways?

I don’t think I’ll become immortal in this era. I’ll die someday; so be it!

And I realised that at some point in time I liked you. I realised that the reason I’d felt a disdain for your boyfriend was envy. I realised that my anger at you was because I felt a helplessness in feeling like you couldn’t identify with my circumstances. I realised the reason I treated you so horribly those final moments were because I was confused. And I realised the reason my life became so stagnant, but only then productive, after losing you was because I was grieving a loss I didn’t know I was losing. I’d been an awful friend, and I wished I responded to your letters before you gave me radio silence. Were we too different? I’m not sure. Throw the boyfriend out of the picture; could we have worked? You flew back to your home country after that; how different would our cultures be? How does love transcend all borders anyway? How much of the other person and their history and circumstance do we have to ignore to ‘love’? Will I always have to tiptoe around my insecurities with you because you wouldn’t get it? I don’t know. I guess we just didn’t work out. I guess the world isn’t really there yet.

And it’s no excuse for my awful attitude that day, I know, but I wanted some catharsis. What is it like to write your feelings out? I’ve only been taught how to write reports, and argumentative essays, and analytical essays, and articles. Will penning my thoughts finally bring in that feeling of relief the people so often claim comes with it? I’m trying it out right now. I think it feels nice.

How are you? I hope you’ve been doing well.

Did you know? At one point, a year or so ago, I was in love with you. I doubt you reciprocated any of my feelings, and that’s an okay ending. I think I’ve largely moved on, so here I am, writing, from my life to you in yours. I’d like to fall in love again. Under the moonlight, preferably. Would I want them to unconditionally understand me? I think that’s too much to ask. But a girl can dream. I want to fall in love with my future. I want to fall in love with what I do, and with who I am and who I could be.

I don’t know if I’ll send this letter to you at the end of all this after all. I just wanted my feelings out. In word.

I’m still reading, far more than that summer if I’ll be honest. I’ve made a few new friends. I’m learning to stop lying to myself. I hope writing this wasn’t the wrong decision and I’ll be happy. I don’t think I’ll ever hear from you again; I don’t really want to; I want this chapter closed once and for all, and so this goodbye is final, for you and for my feelings. Let’s hope for good futures for both of us.

From me to you, from my feelings for you, from you to me, at long last, hello, but also, goodbye.

Sincerely, A

29

2nd RUNNER-UP

Immortals Lau Gun Jau

TW: Terminal Illness

There’s something about the stark whiteness of hospitals that Samuel can’t stand.

It’s surprising, really. Anybody who knew him would expect hospitals to be exactly the sort of place he would appreciate, with its obsessive sterilisation and overall sanitation, but for some reason, how perfectly clean they are make Samuel sick in a whole new different kind of way.

Perhaps it’s the loss of control that gets to him. He can’t control anything here, can’t move an arm in fear of wrenching the IV drip out or turn his head when he sleeps because of the mask they put on him to make sure he keeps breathing or get up because he can barely feel his legs anymore.

Athletics is a lost dream, trembling fingers handing back the jersey with shame and remorse, accepting their condolences and “sorry”s with resigned defeat. Walking is difficult enough nowadays, not that he gets many opportunities to do so or that he has the want for it much anymore. Alone, without much else to do, he had mourned how far he could have gone, how Horton could have been a revered name in a world he can’t step in anymore. It had been the first time he cried since he had been told the news.

Today is a better day, at the very least, he’s able to sit up and talk without struggle, and this morning he managed to eat breakfast by himself. He had been able to bask a little in the sunlight that the window allowed in, warmth covering him in inviting strokes. He’s glad because he wouldn’t want Alexa to see him on a bad day, the days when he can’t do anything else but just lie there and wait for the minutes to pass by.

Today, he can listen to Alexa talk about the team, about the latest races and about her brother’s business without having to force the smile on his face. Alexa is the only person who still looks at Samuel like he’s still alive, like she can ignore the hospital bed Samuel has been confined to and the heart monitor Samuel’s hooked up to if she tries very hard. Alexa looks at him like they’re about to step out into the tracks again, like she’s could watch him speed by with a stopwatch again, like they’re about to become winners all over again.

The tenderness and fondness in her eyes is something Samuel regrets. He would take it back if he could— falling in love with Alexa and letting Alexa fall in love with him and all the dates and laughter and sunny mornings spent in bed wrapped up in each other. Even if he had to suffer all the backlash by himself he would take it back because he doesn’t—he has never wanted to hurt Alexa.

But here they are anyway, with a two-month deadline pinned on Samuel and him hurting Alexa with every hospital visit, with every day that passes that leaves Samuel’s time remaining shorter. He wants to take it back, he desperately wants to go back to when they thought each other were strangers because at least he wouldn’t have to see Alexa like this, sitting by his bed with barely concealed tears in her eyes.

30

All their visits go like this, filled with Alexa’s rambling until she runs out of words and they’re left in quiet limbo, both unsure of what to say because what is there to be said? What do you tell somebody who’s about to die and what do you tell somebody who’s about to lose the person they love? Open-ended questions leave both of them in uncomfortable silence, until eventually one of them, usually Alexa, breaks.

Samuel closes his eyes as Alexa goes down her usual winding spiel, listens to frustrated sobs tear from Alexa’s chest and the “this isn’t fair”s and the “there’s just not enough time”s.

“Have you heard the story of Laika?” He asks out of the blue, managing a small smile when Alexa’s jerks up from the brief sanctuary she’s made with her crossed arms, looking like a deer caught in headlights. It’s always nice to catch Alexa off guard every once in a while, remind himself that no matter how self-assured and confident Alexa can be at times, she’s still human like the rest of them too.

“I learned about her in my Astronomy courses back in university.” He indulges when Alexa shakes her head in a confused, bewildered no. “She was the dog they chose to send up to space in order to see if it has habitable, you see.”

“They never expected her to live. She was only given seven days of oxygen anyways, but she died soon after launch. She actually made it to orbit briefly, but the heat of inside the spacecraft was too much for her.” He pauses, looking at the way the bright hospital lights leave half of Alexa’s face in shadow. “We watched a documentary on her in class, and I remember that the lead dog trainer from the program later wrote that one of the scientists took Laika home to play with their children before she was scheduled for takeoff.”

He hasn’t spoken so much in so long, since breathing had started to become a struggle too. It does seem that today is a very good day after all. Something about that thought makes him laugh, just a little, the sound escaping him suddenly.

When he looks back up, Alexa is staring at him, with something close to reverence in her gaze. She looks at Samuel with wonder, like every glimpse is a new sight she’s never seen before. Every day, Samuel wishes he knew what he did to deserve this, to have Alexa’s awe and love for himself only.

“What about her?” Alexa croaks, voice rough with tears. Samuel desperately wishes he wasn’t the cause of them, that he hasn’t been the reason for Alexa’s apparent grief for the past months.

“My point is, I feel like her moments before takeoff, while they’re still strapping her in.” Samuel shrugs, feeling oddly nonchalant.

There’s an attentive curiosity to Alexa now, unsure of where Samuel is leading with this as she blinks at Samuel slowly. Samuel probably shouldn’t, but he enjoys the perplexity in Alexa’s stance, the puzzlement radiating off him anyways.

“Which is?” Alexa prods on, leaning closer so she’s perched over the railings of the bed now, close enough to touch.

“Like I’m running out of time,” Samuel admits, feeling mildly guilty at the shocked reel that Alexa goes through.

31

“They said her heartrate spiked rapidly during the beginning of the flight. I feel like that right now. Terrified, not knowing how much time I have left.”

Alexa looks like she’s on the verge of tears again. Nothing can stop Samuel from reaching to thumb away the moisture gathering at the corner of Alexa’s eyes. It takes effort, but this way he can feel the curve of Alexa’s jaw, the soft jut of her cheek, the steady thumping of Alexa’s pulse beneath his fingers. This is something he can hold, Alexa’s life in the palm of his hands, cradled like a drop of precious sunlight.

Selfishly, privately, he hopes it beats on for a long while after he’s gone. Alexa, more than anybody, should have a long and beautiful life. She should have that much in repentance for all the hurt and pain Samuel has inflicted on her, if not for anything else.

“She deserved better too.” He diverts, flicking at Alexa’s forehead, aiming to get some laughter.

There’s something about Alexa’s happiness that’s just unabashedly cute, he muses to himself as color bleed back into his world at the surprised snort Alexa lets out in response. Alexa does this to him, gives him life with her loud laughs and cocky smirks and beaming grins. Samuel just hopes that he’s given a fraction back, that in some small shape and form he’s made Alexa happy too.

“But?” Alexa asks, knowing already that there’s one waiting for her.

“Loved.” Samuel confesses, unable to stop himself from smiling back when Alexa offers him a watery grin.

Alexa shifts until her upper body’s entirely over the railing, so she can lay her head against Samuel’s chest right above his still-beating heart.

Samuel wraps an arm around her, suddenly blinking back his own tears. Something about this moment feels divine, like angels and seraphim gathering together in the tiny space that makes up his hospital room to give him this moment before it’s too late. Samuel has never been particularly religious, but he feels it all the same, the holiness in having Alexa pressed up against him, muffling her cries into the cavity of Samuel’s ribs.

32

EDITOR’S CHOICE

Unflavored Chili Delphina Lee

There is a thrill in taking things that are not meant for him to take, a sense of success and accomplishment, momentary fulfillment he revels in. Charlie doesn’t really make it a point to do things like this, he enjoys playing the good guy too, but sometimes it just happens.

Sometimes it just happens, he thinks as he sits in the Pavilion Restaurant and glances at Zack across from him.

The afternoon light filters in warmly through ornamented windows, casting patterns of rectangles onto the polished floors, and backlighting the silhouette of a god. The sun frames his figure, turns the outermost strands of dark hair into the color of glowing amber and bathes him in ethereality.

Zack takes a sip of his tea, eyes cast to the floating tea leaves at the bottom of the cup, and Charlie fumbles with his chopsticks, trying to pick up tofu.

Charlie knows, and he knows that Zack knows that he knows.

They exist on borrowed time.

It is unsaid, but tomorrow, everything changes, no matter what. There is nothing they can do about it. One will go, and one will remain. It is his duty to take, and life is perhaps the easiest of all to steal away. Even gods fall.

He sets his chopsticks down, clinking softly against the porcelain and looks up. He finds eyes already looking at him.

Unfazed, he matches Zack’s gaze and says, “Let’s go to the harbor. I want to see the water.” “Of course.”

It goes unsaid that Zack doesn’t have money on him, he rarely does, and the slight upturn of his lips tell Charlie as such. He supposes it makes sense, what use does a god have for trivial things like money?

They exit the Pavillion, having tipped generously and thanked the servers. The sun still reigns above them, but soon, that too will fall and give way to evening light.

The streets are busy, with people bargaining at shops, children running about, and the lone stray dog or cat slinking along a wall. They stop close to the docks, close enough to smell the salt on the air and feel the wind pick up.

The boats come and go, the water bears ceaselessly against stony shore, and Charlie makes a wish on the ephemeral crests of waves.

In his wish, he is free from responsibilities, and he gets to have more time here than the minutes that slip through his fingers like sand from the shoal. ~

33

The silence they find themselves in is not unusual, nor is it uncomfortable. It is simply the fact that time passes faster if you are talking.

They stand at the wooden railing, with Charlie bracing himself against it and running fingers along the weathered grooves, and Zack simply resting one gloved hand on it.

In the sky, the sun starts to sink, unraveling purples and oranges and golds, bidding farewell. Some things do not need to be said.

Zack is painted as painfully human in this moment. Charlie feels weight in his own palms, feels flesh and bone.

Beyond divinity, Zack is a boy.

Charlie wishes he could stretch out this moment, and makes a promise to immortalize it into the depths of his memory. In his mind, he will make a shrine out of this. He imagines it will be like one of those old shrines someday, one that survives the storms and stands regardless of the cycling of the seasons, regardless of time. He is the sole attendant to this shrine, hoping his fervent efforts will ultimately carry the subject of this memorial through millennia.

Who else will remember today before tomorrow? Who else will remember the way the seafoam looks in this precise second or hour?

Charlie is aware he is a boy, mortal, no matter what power being a Soldier brings. What use does a god have for mortal things? But memory, as abstract and undefined as it is, stretches across centuries, immortal. ~ Zack is not his to take. He belongs to the stony peaks decorated with flowers and grass and clouds, to ruins and pools and legends, to the rest of the harbor behind them and all of the people inhabiting it. Nothing will stop Charlie from trying anyways.

The constant bloom and decay of life is nothing to fear. After all, it is merely a cycle, and therefore the universe will whisper, again, at some point in time, be it a thousand years from now, or even millennia.

The sun slips below the horizon, casting the city in the blanket of nightfall. Activity on the docks ceases, lanterns light up one by one, and a large ship lights up, shining brightly in the distance. The water still bears against land, reflecting the lights and the sky, forever smoothing out stone.

The imminence of goodbye grips at Charlie, tears through his chest and winds through his veins. He anchors himself to the present in the only way he can think of right now, and grips the railing tighter.

“One day,” Zack starts. “I will fade into obscurity. The god of stone lives through legends, but I will disappear like how humans disappear.” He states these as facts, as inevitability.

“One day, I will come find you again.” Charlie says, like a promise. They turn away.

Tomorrow will come.

34

EDITOR’S CHOICE

The Fool and the Poet Fong Kwan Ching

“Why are we here? Just to suffer?”

“Fool. Have you ever been to a beach?”

“Yes and?”

“You see, The waves are washing up the strand non-stop Just like the worksome life corrodes The space in hearts by filling it with slop And into suitcases would no dreams load Then where could be the end of these, at all To catch a breath, then freely live your way?

That’s what you better learn, though it may gall, The boulder’s only free when weathered all away There might be freshly born flames who would dare To warm the currents and soar above the sea They are but specks of sand, they should be aware The waves would drown them and forget their pleas So clear your mind and cease your whining now, Accept the truth of youth to which you vow!

Am I right?”

“You could’ve just said ‘Yes’ at the beginning.”

“I know.”

35

EDITOR’S CHOICE

Distances Zeng Zai Yun

When people are troubled about what to do, there are many different courses of action to take. Some shut themselves in to regroup, some open about it. Some ignore their problems entirely and pretend nothing is wrong and go about their day. After all, if there is nobody to acknowledge the issue, who is to say it even exists?

Dimitri takes the only course of action he’s ever known: he calls his brother.

It’s early in America, Adrian’s voice groggy on top of the tinny quality of the microphone.

Dimitri swallows heavily in the silence of his room, eight thousand miles away from Adrian rolling awake in his bed. “Are you saying Anastasia was bad for me?”

“No.” The reply comes swiftly, without the previous pauses Adrian had taken before as he considered what to say to Dimitri. This sort of speed was more familiar to Dimitri. He’s not used to Adrian having to think before he answers. This is a new sort of distance he’s still learning to accept. “She was good for you. Too good, in fact.”

Dimitri bites back an offended “hey!”, listening to the low grumbling of Adrian’s laughter. He can hear pots clanging in the background, a sure sign of Adrian preparing breakfast for the day. Even in the dry autumn air, Dimitri can recall the aroma of Adrian’s favorite spices so vividly he can practically smell it.

It hadn’t been the same after Adrian moved to America and left him–– No, that was incorrect. Or well, partially.

He didn’t want to phrase it as “leaving” like Adrian had just gotten up and walked away without a second notice.

No, this had a build-up, months that started when he first saw Adrian looking at apartment listings in New York.

And Adrian had let him in on the process, and they’d searched through flats and suburbs together, it wasn’t as if Adrian had just––left out of nowhere. Dimitri knows this, and he understands more than anybody else, just as he had understood when they separated for the first time for college and he began to realize Adrian had bigger dreams than this city could offer.

But still, it doesn’t stop it from feeling just a little like a betrayal.

“You know I’m just telling the truth.” More shuffling in the background, Adrian’s voice coming out slightly strained through the filter of cotton. He’s probably craning his neck to keep his phone trapped between his ear and his shoulder, Dimitri can picture him sitting on that couch they picked out together, with the ugly brown tweed that resembled the one they used to have in their home.

Something about the thought fills Dimitri with warmth, but he manages to bark out a sharp “Just put me on speaker before you drop your phone, loser” in lieu of something sappy. That would be out of character for them, they’re not the type to say anything outwardly emotional, at least to each other, but he knows Adrian’s always got his back whenever it matters.

36

Adrian snarls affirmation over the microphone and there’s another round of clatter before Adrian’s voice returns, a little farther away this time. In the emptiness of his room, Dimitri leans closer to hear his words, like he’s listening to some world-shattering secret instead of his brother lecturing him about the bad choices he’s made in his life.

“As I was saying,” Adrian says, irritation only half faked. “Anastasia’s a good girl. She’s straightened you out, which certainly isn’t a bad thing, now that’s for sure. God knows how much I appreciated the silence.”

Dimitri frowns at his words. It wasn’t like Anastasia ever subconsciously tried to ‘make him better’ or whatever that meant. Anastasia was just like that, prim and proper, and at some point, her habits started just seeping into Dimitri’s life. He voices the sentiment to Adrian, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Look,” Adrian sounds like he’s eating a bag of rocks, reluctant to spit out his next words. He can hear Adrian swallow heavily even halfway across the world, letting out a sigh like what he’s about to say is personally offensive. “You kept changing to fit around her. You’ve always been like that, molding yourself around the people who would let you. But Anastasia hasn’t changed, Dimitri. She’s still exactly the same as all those years ago.”

“Maybe it’s because you’ve always idolized her in some stupid way, I don’t care.” Adrian bulldozes on, his words crackling over in the shitty international connection. “I’m just saying, Dima. When have you ever been mellow?”

Ah. Dimitri falls quiet, stunned into silence. Adrian isn’t saying much either, probably giving him time to let that sink in. He’s always understood Dimitri better than anybody else, it was just written into their blood, brothers who were fundamentals to each other, who were by each other’s sides as long as they could remember.

And it’s not like Dimitri’s never been aware of himself changing, but he’s never put it that way before. The idea that he’s been changing for somebody is a foreign concept to him.

It’s just. Anastasia is different from him in all the good ways. Anastasia is the model example of how functioning people in society are supposed to act. If there was a checklist for being decent then Anastasia could comfortably check off all the boxes- hell, she could probably write the whole damn list. She’s the model example of a good daughter, somebody who knows what she’s doing with his life and where to go the next day.

Dimitri remembers too much about her, like the way Anastasia used to write little checklists of what she had to complete and tack them up on his wall, neat little rows of her life sorted into ticked and empty boxes. She found pleasure in checking off tasks once completed, and Dimitri had always thought of it as one of the traits which made Anastasia more human, more reachable. After all, if Anastasia lived her life so neatly and carefully, without leaving any proof of her existence behind, then Dimitri might as well have dated a ghost, a specter who came into his life and left an imprint.

Dimitri is—was different. He’s never been likeable. Tolerable, sure. Respectable, even, depending on the circle you were asking in. But Anastasia is the epitome of prudence. She’s the sort of daughter you want to brag about, the kind of girlfriend you take home to impress your parents. In short, she’s everything Dimitri’s not—wasn’t.

37

Now? He wakes up with Anastasia’s eight o clock alarm and eats the same nutrient all balanced as Anastasia, never arrives a minute later than he needs to, spends his extra time cleaning out his room and equipment.

These are all things Anastasia’s taught him to do, but Dimitri’s never thought about them as changing before.

It’s always come as naturally as breathing once they started dating like Anastasia was magically absorbed into him overnight and suddenly her habits and behaviors became a part of Dimitri overnight.

It seemed natural, and Dimitri has always wanted to please Anastasia anyways. Anastasia was perfect in his eyes, it seemed like second nature to slip into a quiet character by his side, let Anastasia take the lead, and mold into a better person, or at least that’s what he thought he was becoming.

He thinks about the slew of football games he never got to watch because Anastasia insisted on daily meditation.

He thinks about the printed list of groceries Anastasia used to press into his hand with a neat little kiss to the cheek. He thinks about the stupid alarm at eight in the morning he’s somehow gotten used to at some point.

He never used to wake up before ten.

When had that all changed?

Dimitri used to think he never lived before he met Anastasia, but maybe he has been the whole time, just not

by Anastasia’s definition. Now he’s living...differently. Or maybe at some point, he started living a different life.

Because Adrian’s right. He’s never been mellow, or even remotely decent for that matter.

“Dimitri?” Adrian asks over the speakers when the droning pause stretches too long. “You still there?”

Dimitri works through the ziplock of his mouth, sandpaper tongue heavy. “Yeah,” Dimitri says slowly, clutching the phone to his ear. It’s heavy in his hands, the delicate six by fourteen rectangle his only connection to Adrian half a world away from him. He wishes they could be closer at the moment, that he could still have his brother by his side right now. Just anything to ground him in the moment and to remind himself that he’s still here.

Adrian hesitates over the line, starting half a sentence before cutting himself off again. They’re not the affectionate type, verbal or physical, but there’s nothing but familiar fondness in Adrian’s voice when he asks, “you alright?”

There are close to 13,000km between New York and Hong Kong, but Dimitri suddenly feels like there is no distance at all, like he’s back in their childhood home playing a round of FIFA with Adrian again. It comes onto him like a tsunami wave, washing over him all at once: he misses home.

“Yeah,” Dimitri resists the urge to cry, because he’s been crying too much lately. But maybe that was another thing he’s regaining. Anastasia cried once in a blue moon, but Dimitri always used to cry at the smallest little inconvenience. Maybe this is six years’ worth of pent up tears ready to pour out of him now. “I think I will be.”

38

Acknowledgements: Publisher: English Society, A.A.H.K.U.S.U., Session 2020––2021 Editor: Sharon Lee [sharon.hkuengsoc@gmail.com] Facebook: www.facebook.com/HKU.English Instagram: @hkuengsoc Issuu: issuu.com/hkuengsoc Email: engsoc@connect.hku.hk Address: 2A01(1), Fong Shu Chuen Amenities Centre, the University of Hong Kong

Disclaimer: English Society, A.A.H.K.U.S.U. does not own any of the graphics or images in this publication (with the exception of original graphics and/or images) The works submitted and printed in this publication may not represent the views of English Society, A.A.H.K.U.S.U. as a whole

39