Helping Our Mothers Raise Our Brothers by Bobby Mackey

A Guide to An Understanding with E SPN Spo r ts Repo r ter â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Mar k Schlabach

From The Messenger

he magazine that you’re holding in your hands is one of the

Bobby Mackey-Founder & Facilitator of Productive-Personalities

most remarkable editions of its kind.“ Helping Our Mothers Raise Our Brothers ” is an amazing guide to an understanding of some of the problems women face when taking the responsibility of raising a young man. This magazine is not necessarily focused on young men of color. This is a dynamic approach to facilitating the presence of young men. What my experience and knowledge tells me is that even in the best of times, people are diagnosed with problems but are less likely to be given solutions.

Thank you for your purchase. Please send us your feedback to

So, what could be so exciting and remarkable about this magazine? First, the information is relevant and, secondly, it’s a useful resource. Our magazine offers new insight into how to effectively communicate with your son and gives you professional experience and guidance into leveling the educational playing field. Plus, it reveals the real scoop on finding a mentor for your son and not a man for yourself and how to deal with bullying and or conflict.

Pages

bobby@productive-personalities.com 5 Ways to effectively communicate with your son: Bobby Mackey

4-6

Life is an Option: Bobby Mackey

8-9

4 Things to do with you son: Bobby Mackey

Spot Light Resource: The Morgan County System of Care

A Guide to an Understanding : ESPN Reporter Mark Schlabach

14-15

What Mothers should know about Bullying: Bobby Mackey

There are also several magnificent ways to keep you and your son engaged in many fitness, fun, and other activities that will strengthen the bond between you and your son.

Growing up a Statistic: Wendell Byrd, Department of Juvenile Justice 22-23 Help for Educational Success : Eric Hamilton, Assistant Principal of MCHS

24-25

A Dinner for Two Recipe

Finding a Mentor for your son and Not a Man for Yourself:

28-30

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Continue to read the magazine to gather tips, facts, and a “Dinner for Two” recipe that is sure to create positive thinking and creative actions. There’s so much more to learn about! Be sure to pass the word along to your friends and send me questions to be featured in our upcoming edition.

Bobby Mackey

Please send all questions to

Editor : Michael Naples, City Councilman

bobby@productive-personalities.com PRODUCTIVE-PERSONALITIES.COM 2

o many young men are being raised in single-parent homes today, and statistics

predict a path of destruction and extinction for them. Young men these days are experiencing far more turbulence than ever! You may wonder ―Why develop a magazine about helping our Mothers raise our Brothers in today’s world?‖ The facts speak for themselves as surely as football and basketball speak to our young men daily. It is no secret that it may be a challenge for you as a mother to raise your son. However, the process can be less intimidating if you have an understanding that you can’t do it alone, and reaching out for advice is one of the best choices that you can make as a parent. Research indicates that fatherless homes account for:  63% of youth suicides (U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)  71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)  85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co., Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections )  70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report) This guide is geared to mothers, and just not single mothers. Keep in mind that the suggestions on the following pages are just that—Suggestions. Every young male is different. Choose a path for your son that you’re comfortable with, and use your own motherly style to carry out that approach in raising your son. Viewer discretion is advised but not limited.

Children of never-married mothers are more than twice as likely to have been treated for an emotional or behavioral problem. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics

'Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them.' Ralph Gerard

By: Bobby Mackey

ne of the contradicting statements that I hear from parents

is that “my child doesn’t listen to me,” and young men say the opposite, that “my parents don’t understand me.” While I find both statements to be true, there seems to be little or no communication between the parties involved.

News Flash ! I know 5 ways to communicate effectively with your son to keep the lines of communication open between the both of you. There are several more tips, but these are gained from real life experiences.

1. Start early: Why does the sun rise so early? In my opinion, it’s because it takes all day to heat up the earth. The sooner that you begin to communicate with your son, the more successful you will become. ―Trees don’t grow from branches; they start at the root.‖ It is very important that you develop a clear understanding between you and your son from the time that he enters your womb. Communicating with your son is essential to bonding and relationships.

2. Listen: Listening is the most important tool that you can possess. Young men spend years practicing for the day that they will be able to defend their common ground or, in other words, ―express themselves.‖ Be sure not to say, "I understand,‖ because many adults overuse that statement. But...start from a place of understanding, ―Can I help?‖ or ―Is there something wrong?‖ Try placing yourself in your child’s shoes. Then, let the conversation emerge!

For example, first, ask your son for his attention and find a place in the house that is not so intimidating to ensure that he has your undivided attention. Second, always start with the GREAT things that your son has done. Provide structure and clarity, which explains the reason you are having this talk. Third, speak sternly and firmly by speaking with confidence and influence. Remember that young men must learn at an early age to respect themselves, women, authority, and their elders.

3. Don’t talk through him; talk to him! Mothers, be mindful of your presence when communicating with your son. Young men learn what they hear and emulate what they see. If you’re always yelling at your son when raising a simple problem, 9 out of 10 times your son will respond to you in that same manner. Also, when addressing a problem, take the time to establish a direct line of communication between him and yourself. The way you address your son could create barriers of communication. Think about this! You have an advantage over your son. You’re his mother, so remind him of all of the things that you provide for him. In the words of Diane Lucky Shaw, ―I brought you into this world, 5 and I can take you out.‖ Let’s be mindful and not let our emotions get the best of us! Be calm and be understanding!

Think!

Listen!

Imagine! Believe!

Inspire!

4. Say what you mean!

Young

men sometimes communicate through

their actions. As a parent and mother, you must lay down the law through your actions! Mothers, your son may be going through changes, and uncertainty can do more harm than good. A hint of advice is that when you say it, mean it! Showing sympathy and negotiating the consequences with your son only displays a type of weakness on your behalf. Get your son to understand actions and consequences. It is very important that your son takes you seriously when you’re addressing discipline and education. Don’t say one thing and mean something else!

5. Don’t wait to communicate Young men understand the term ―instant gratification,‖ meaning, they see it, say it, do it, and they’re happy. As a parent, when communicating with your son, try to address problems and concerns as they arrive. Do not wait until three months pass by to address a problem that occurred last summer. Think about it; what type of message are you sending your son? Do you want him to hide his problems and suddenly explode from anger? Or would you like for him to be a problem solver and communicate effectively with someone when there is a problem? If you’re like most mothers, you want your child to verbalize his thoughts in an effective and respectable manner. All concerns are immediate and require your attention. However, be sure to make your points and directions clear, precise, and impactful. If you constantly find yourself repeating the same thing, find a new way of saying it!

Orrin

Hudson was watching the news one night in 2000

when he saw a story about seven employees shot, for $2,000 in the cash register. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when he realized evil prevails when good people do nothing. He sold his business and founded Be Someone to teach something positive to inner city kids: the focus, discipline and patience required by the game of chess.

Orrin Hudson

As a former law enforcement officer Orrin believes that prevention is better than detention. Since then, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s helped over 20,000 kids develop the practical skills and techniques to overcome obstacles in life, illustrated through the best and most intellectual visual aid: the chessboard.

Email: orrin@besomeone.org

Can you help us reach our goal of reaching a million kids?

Invite Orrin to your School.

'Learning to use your intuition is learning to be your own teacher. Vaughan

So is an Education

Getting

ahead in life means a lot more than

planning your path or choosing a career. It’s all about your desire to succeed while you figure out what works for you in your current situation. Not everyone

self-confident

and

optimistic.

However, those who do their best at their best are more likely to conquer the best. Do you ever wonder why? Nowadays, you can opt to obtain dedication and perseverance. But the drive to want more should be embedded in your

By: Bobby Mackey everyday actions. It may sound counterintuitive to spend your free time daydreaming about your goals and aspirations, but it’s likely that you’ll have a better understanding of your future. This time around you will notice things that may seem harmful to your wellbeing. At the same time, understanding all opportunities and possibilities can become strengths as opposed to being signs of weakness.

In today’s world of must haves, education has become a vital source of separation and elevation. With the emergence of digital technology, education has been placed on the forefront of convenience. It is common for individuals to obtain an education from the on-line world of education. It’s an inspiring and opportunist way to complement ones education .

Speaking of opportunistic, striving towards education is the best option when opportunity knocks. Going back to school not only encourages you, but it displays a passion for learning to your son.

Here are a few things that you need to know before you go: 1. Set clear goals and expectations. Before you enroll in your classes, develop your goals and expectations for learning and academic achievement. Do not attempt to go overboard with your list. Too many goals are just like having none at all. 2. Just go for it! Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let the intimidation of having no money for college stop you in your tracks. Even if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re enrolled in half-time studies, there may be financial aid available for you. Please visit fasfa.ed.gov for more information in regards to your future plans. It only takes a positive attitude and the persistence of a salesman. What is there to lose?

3. Find the right fit! There are so many options for going back to college. Find the kind of college that reflects your goals,

expectations,

schedule,

and

your

personality.

Regardless of whether you choose to attend a public, private, of community college, or even on-line curriculum endeavors, make sure it's the best match for you. Whether you decide to reach for the stars or to shoot over the moon, the final decision that you end up with is yours to keep. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s holding you back? I wish you the best!

'Everything important is already known, the only thing is to rediscover it.' Anon

The mother and son relationship can become an oasis of love for a lifetime. This relationship can be strengthened and grow into an understanding of female companionship. Building a strong relationship between you and your son does not come from Mom’s buying the latest pair of Air Jordans or the must have ―Call of Duty‖ video game for her son.

It comes from allowing him to experience something much more valuable and precious - your time. Spending time with your son lets him know that time is more valuable than gold. It also shows him the expectations of how to treat and respect a female.

By: Bobby Mackey

1. Volunteer– Volunteering is a must-do with your son! Volunteering allows your son to develop the ―I Care‖ personality and allows for him to understand the lesson of giving back. Choose a local non-profit such as Goodwill, Boys & Girls Club, or Habitat for Humanity and volunteer together at least every other month.

2. Playdough- Making dough is a great alternative that is completely fun, engaging, and safe. All you need are a few supplies such as: flour, water, oil, salt, food dye, so get started.

3. Movies & Popcorn Surprise him with a twist to see his favorite movie and buy or make some popcorn. 4. Wash the Car This sounds like a burden but you’d be surprised how much fun your child can have.

'Every parent's deepest wish is that their children are self sufficient, happy, and able to live a full life.' Peter block

By: Bobby Mackey

Recent

studies have indicated that parents who provide parental involvement in their

child’s education encourage their children to do better in school, develop a love for learning, and participate in meaningful activities. According to Southwest Educational Development Laboratory, it was stated that regardless of family income or background, "students with involved parents‖ are more likely to: •Earn higher grades and test scores and enroll in higher-level programs; •Attend school regularly; •Have better social skills and adapt well to school (Henderson & Mapp, 2002). Parent Involvement is an ongoing process throughout your child’s entire education. You are the most influential power to your child’s well-being.

One way to jump start parental involvement is to set the example. It’s never too late to get involved in parental activities. Volunteer when needed and help organize parent support and help groups. Work with the local PTA to establish more outreach to parents of a more diverse group. Also, create your school’s first Parent Room. A Parent Room is a room dedicated in the school for parental involvement and meetings. Many schools talk the talk about being on board with parental involvement, but when push comes to shove, many systems opt out of this important role. Why? Ask yourself when the last time was that you attended a parent involvement meeting. If you’re one of the those who attend often, count how many people were in attendance and you’ll have your answer. All parents want the best for their kids! Many parents want to be involved in their child’s education. Sometimes, however, it can be an intimidating process of not knowing where to begin. Don’t let fear chase you away. Take my advice and ―start with the end in mind.‖ If you know ―why,‖ you can eliminate any ―how.‖ Just remember that the types of parent involvement and quality of parent involvement affect results for students, parents, and teachers (Epstein, 1995).

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."~ Sigmund Freud

By: Bobby Mackey What’s the real reason behind his disappearance?

After completing my own internal research, I was very disappointed to say the least. I was recently sitting in

the barbershop and I unleashed the question, ―How can a man not take care of his own child?‖ The feedback was intense and directed back to me immediately. Over 75 percent of the men in the barbershop stated that a child’s mother was the greatest barrier between a man and his child. As a mother, it is greatly important for Statistics state that 40% of mothers reported you to set aside any that they had interfered with the father’s confrontational visitation to punish their ex-spouse. ["Frequency of differences that may Visitation" by Sanford Braver, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry] cause whatever bitterness, 50% of mothers see no value in the father’s hatred, and or anger continued contact with his children. ["Surviving the that you may have Breakup" by Joan Berlin Kelly] toward the child’s father. Holding your 37.9% of fathers are denied any visitation. child back from seeing the father is TIP: Just because your child's father not the best thing to walked away from you doesn’t mean that do. Please try to he’s walking away from his child. work out an agreeI found that to be heart-breaking and unfair to ment between you all of the men that want to take care of their and the father and children and responsibilities, pay their child focus on the best support on time, respect the custody agreement, interest of your and support their child’s emotional, physical, child. and educational well being. A man should not have to go through hell just to see his child. No matter what happens, children love their parents. Maybe it’s not the father that has issues! Joy comes early in the morning. Ladies, we may be ruining our child’s life. Not all of us, but some. Some mothers are making big mistakes when it comes to holding their child hostage. At times, being a parent can be an isolating experience. However, some women really need to stop using their sons as crutches and let it go. Your son is the one that suffers in the end. Not you nor his father, but the child!

Morgan System of Care (SOC) Uniting Together Raising Expectations Changing Statistics & Brightening the Future of our Young Black Males

In 2009, the City of Madison was awarded a grant through the Governor’s Office of Children and Families (GOCF) to develop a System of Care. Specifically, this funding was approved to Implement the GOCF strategy to improve school performance for African American elementary age males in the Morgan County Schools. Youth and families enrolled in the System of Care (SOC) have access to multiple supports and experiences found inside the County as well as the State of Georgia

And the Results Are……

Parental Engagement Research shows that parent involvement and

Data collection and evaluation are critical

engagement helps children reach their full

to the SOC process. Academic

potential in education as well as in life.

collected at the end of the 2010/11

In 2010, SOC hired a SOC Family Advocate

school

whose primary responsibility is to ensure that

results…

all

Excused absences decreased 60.10% between the end of 2009/2010 and the 2010/2011 school year. Unexcused absences decreased 31.14% for that same time period.

families

served

are

empowered,

educated and engaged in every aspect of the SOC process. The Family Advocates also

coordinates the

Nurturing Skills Parenting Program as well as the SOC Parent Cafes. The Parent Cafes has helped our parents build friendships and a strong community of families who help each other stay strong by having their own conversation about the things that keep their families strong.

year

revealed

the

data

following

Out of School Suspensions decreased 25% between the end of 2009/2010 and the 2010/2011 school year. In-School Suspensions decreased 55.56% for that same time period. Excused tardies decreased 19.15% between the end of 2009/2010 and the 2010/2011 school year.

For more information on the programs and services of Morgan System of Care or on how you can refer a youth, please contact Velde T.13Hardy, MSW, Administrator at 706-343-5813 or email at veldethardy@gmail.com.

Mark Schlabach supports “Helping Our Mothers Raise Our Brothers”

By Mark Schlabach

recent Centers for Disease Control study revealed that 70 percent

Mark Schlabach: ESPN Reporter

of male students and 53 percent of female students participating in one or more high school sport were more likely to eat more healthfully and less likely to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, use illegal drugs, engage in violent activities, or engage in sexual activity than high school students not participating in sports. Other studies show students participating in sports were more satisfied with their lives, more self-confident, felt healthier and were better off socially, physically, and mentally than their peers who weren’t playing sports. In 2010, I had the privilege of helping legendary Florida State coach Bobby Bowden write his memoir, Called To Coach, which was a New York Times bestseller. In the book, Bowden said whenever a mother wrote to him or called him for advice about raising her son, he offered her the following message:

―Tell your son to get his priorities in order. Tell him the number one priority in his life has to be God. That is the first priority. His second priority has to be his family, and the third priority has to be his education. Everything else comes after that. Tell the boy not to do anything God would not want him to do. Tell him to ask God if he should do it. If he doesn’t think God would want him to do it, he shouldn’t do it.‖ Bowden later shared with me a story about one of his former players who was abandoned by his parents as a small child:

14 Productive-Personalities.com

The first assistant coach I hired at West Virginia University in 1970 was Chuck Klausing, who was head coach at Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Later, Chuck became head coach at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. He was a former marine and spent nearly forty years coaching football. A few years ago, Chuck and I were having a conversation about our problems in society today.

“Bobby, the boys have not changed,” Chuck told me. “The parents have changed. Parents have quit raising their kids.” Chuck was right. Kids are raised differently now from when I was growing up. Too many children are neglected today on too many levels. They’re not shielded enough from negative influences. Mass media assault them with conflicting messages. Too many kids come from broken homes or grow up without involved, guiding parents. I think boys who get into gangs do it because they so desperately want to be part of a family. That’s where football can help them, and I witnessed it happen many times during my coaching career.

Todd Williams was an offensive lineman on my Florida State teams from 1999 to 2002. Todd’s mother abandoned him when he was ten years old. Todd never knew his father, who was shot and killed in the streets when Todd was young. Todd was raised by his grandmother, Joyce James, in Bradenton, Florida. When his grandmother died of complications from diabetes in 1993, Todd was basically an orphan. The state planned to put him in a foster home, so Todd ran away. He slept on the streets in Bradenton and later moved to Miami, where the streets were a lot more dangerous. To survive, Todd stole women’s purses and stripped cars to sell the parts at salvage yards. He was arrested a few times and was sentenced to a juvenile correctional facility. Finally, Todd decided he had to turn his life around. Before his grandmother died, Todd promised her he would graduate from high school and make something of himself.

Todd moved back to Bradenton and moved into an apartment on his own. To pay the bills, Todd worked in a grocery store after school. He enrolled at Bradenton Southeast High School and started making good grades. At six feet five inches and three hundred pounds, Todd was an enormous prospect. He eventually became a starting guard for us and was named All-Atlantic Coast Conference. He graduated from Florida State with academic degrees in criminal justice and sociology and was named the NCAA’s Inspirational Athlete of the Year during his senior season in 2002. During Todd’s senior season, he gave a devotional to our team after parents’ weekend. He told his teammates how envious he was after seeing their parents at the game the week before. "I always wondered what it would feel like to have my mom and dad sitting in the stands cheering for me,” Todd told his teammates. “I always wondered what it would feel like to see them wearing my jersey. I will never know. You guys don’t know how lucky you are.” After playing sports as a child and throughout high school and then covering sports teams and players for the last two decades as a journalist, it’s evident to me that athletics provide young people with the direction, discipline, and stability they need as they prepare to make important decisions that will shape the rest of their lives.

Mark Schlabach is an award-winning journalist for ESPN. He is the author of eight books about college football and lives in Madison, Georgia. 15 Productive-Personalities.com

By: Bobby Mackey

Your Mind, Body, and Soul

you find yourself mentally burned out by the middle of the

work day? if you're like most women, you may have even forgotten how to relax. Being Super Woman, everybody comes to you for everything! If you’re like me, it’s difficult saying no! All you ever do is think about work, your son’s baseball game, and what’s for dinner. Half the time, we never find the time to enjoy the things that we love the most, such as ourselves. Missing the joys of life is not a great feeling! At times, we can spend our whole day fully engaged in serving others so that we wind up carrying their problems home with us. We have enough stressors in our lives to consider without solving the world’s problems. Allowing life stressors to control your senses may be the main reason that you’re mentally burned out by lunchtime. Not only that, but there are several negative effects on your health that you may not necessarily notice until it’s too late. Sometimes, you’re going to have to ―let go and let God." Simply speaking, just relax! However, learning how to relax is the key to creating an enjoyable life & work balance. In this article, you'll learn 3 essential techniques to Relax, Relieve, and Rejuvenate your Mind, Body, & Soul and hopefully restore your balance of self-worthiness and enjoying your life.

Relax- Relax your mind and sail your conscience to freedom. Relaxing is the first step of this process. Block time out in your day to relax. If you’re at home, slip into comfortable clothing, unwind to some soft music, order a selection of a healthy takeout food, think positively, and allow yourself to enjoy the advantages of relaxation.

TIP:

When you’re done with your healthy

meal, draw a nice warm bath and light aroma therapy candles around the bathroom. Close your eyes and envision paradise! Simply Beautiful……………………………...

16 Productive-Personalities.com

Relieve – Relieve

is all about the end result, feeling good!

Being removed from a

temporary position and teleported into laughter is the best form of relief. Do things that make you smile and laugh! Smiling and exploding out with laughter releases ―the feel good medicine‖ doctors refer to it as Endorphins. Endorphins block out stress and give you a peace of mind.

Rejuvenation-

Finally, rejuvenation! You can rejuvenate yourself in several different

ways. One of the best cost-effective ways is to "Give yourself a pat on the back.” Many experts suggest Yoga. Yoga is considered a beneficial factor to your Mind, Body, & Soul. Yoga has become increasingly popular in our stressful and demanding society. Mary Nurrie Stearns, co-author of Yoga for Anxiety recommends you to “go beyond the boundaries of your usual body. “Mary stated, like waves of an ocean, those currents of anxiety were relentless, a force field stronger than I was.‖ I challenge you to go join a yoga class and experience the difference. Yoga reduces stress. It also promotes relaxation by increasing the flow of blood and oxygen. Some forms of yoga include meditation and several different styles of yoga. Contact your local fitness center and inquire about signing up for a class or two. It’s very important that you try at least one of these strategies to avoid feeling out of pocket and/or left behind. In fact, relaxation can do wonders for your Mind, Body, & Soul and may even reduce some of the health risks associated with stress.

17 Productive-Personalities.com

Ferst Foundation for Childhood Literacy provides free, age-appropriate books and monthly newsletters to children from birth to age five in participating Georgia Communities in hopes of preparing them for school readiness and learning success. We have 2000 days to get it right! The first 2000 days of a child’s life from birth to kindergarten are critical. We want every child to read proficiently. We want every child to perform well in school. We want every child to graduate from high school on time. We want every child to grow up prepared to compete in the global economy. To date, Ferst has mailed over 3.1 million books to over 243,000 of Georgia’s preschool children! If you or someone you know would like information about registering a child or would like to donate to this program, please call (888) 565-0177 or send email to info@ferstfoundation.org.

Please help us grow a more literate Georgia. Don’t wait; donate 28!!! Please visit our website at www.ferstfoundation.org

The Pursuit of Happyness: Will Smith stars in an amazing, inspirational true story about a struggling single father who dreams of a better life for his young son. Finding themselves homeless, he risks everything by embarking on an unpaid internship in a highly competitive stockbroker training program - where only one in twenty interns makes the grade .

Many people that have become successful in their life, have gone on to accomplish great things. After watching the this film with your son, discuss and answer these following questions: 1. Why were Chris and his son turned away from the first shelter?

2. Why was Chris raising his son alone?

3. What does happiness mean to you?

4. Name one time when you were unhappy?

5. What does the word, perseverance mean?

How can your dreams become reality?

As principal of an Alternative school, I see firsthand young men who lack direction and desperately need guidance and mentoring. Mr. Bobby, as the students call him, fulfills this role and more. He has done workshops with the students that helped to prepare them for job interviews and life. He always has life lessons that grab the attention of our students. His youthfulness is something to which the students can relate and, at the same time, his maturity is something to which they can aspire. As a black male with a background not too different from my students’, he serves as a model for them. They feel that their aspirations are attainable because they see success in someone from their type neighborhood. This gives them hope and goals for which to strive. Our students’ success can be attributed in part to Mr. Bobby’s extra-mile efforts and his belief in them. Dr. Jannie H. Broadnax, Principal

Thank you for coming out and sharing with my students ―The Power of the Knot.‖ I serve some challenging young men, but your presence in my building made a world of difference to their day. Some of them not only learned how to tie a tie, but you left them feeling empowered to do something and be someone positive. It’s not often that the most challenged kids get to see the success of someone who can relate to their experiences. It was truly a good day for the young gentlemen that we serve. There are still occasions when I hear the boys recite to one another, ―The way you dress determines how you’re addressed.‖ We look forward to having you in our midst soon! Sabrina Tilman, Principal

'Treat people as if they were what they might be, and you will help them become capable of being.' Goethe

By: Bobby Mackey

It’s happening all around the world and is quickly sweeping the nation. So what’s the entire buzz about Bullying? Well, according to Stop Bullying Now.gov, bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time.

The effects of bullying normally go far beyond the walls of the classroom. Bullying is never acceptable. Typically, young men 1.

Talk with your son and

experience a type of ―man up‖ bullying style to disguise the

look for signs of distress.

problem at hand. Bullying is very serious, and it should not

Help him build confidence

be considered just a ―part of growing up.‖ Whether it’s

and security within

through threatening words, gestures, physical contact, and/or

himself .

name-calling, research has shown that bullying has several

Help your son understand

dramatic consequences and can become deadly for the victim

the difference between conflict & bullying. 4.

Encourage your son to make new friends that serve as positive influences.

Empower your son to seek help of an adult when this type of activity occurs.

and the bully. As a parent , it is your responsibility to recognize the difference between conflict and bullying. If conflict or bullying occurs at school, please establish a plan of action, document, and then speak up with facts and details. Having no plan is a waste of time. PLEASE! Remember to document Who, Where, What, & When. You’re there to find out the Why & the How! Put on your advocate’s suit and begin your journey!

By: John Wendell Byrd

The

lack of positive ―parental support‖ plus societal influences collectively equals the consummation of a ―living‖ statistic. From this author’s perspective, to successfully acknowledge this statement, some of the characteristics of statistics must first be noted. Statistics are inanimate, meaning void of life and, thus void of human emotions should also be reflective of a sample size and can be manipulated to show the desired results of the researcher. With these characteristics in mind, I will not only share with you my personal experiences of ―growing up a living statistic,‖ but I will also delve into how the formula of creating ―living‖ statistics exists and some of their negative attributes.

I understand that children need financial support, but when was the last time a dollar bill read a child a bedtime story, showed up at a ballgame, gave a child a hug, or told a child ―I love you‖? With this in mind, both parents must share a positive presence in their or child's life. This is what it means to be positively psychologically available. This leads to cultivation of all of our children’s ability to construct their own identity, entailing a positive set of personal values and ethics.

I understand that there are fathers that may walk out of their children’s lives = statistic; however, there are many other fathers that are desperately trying to be involved but are pushed away by whatever means, be it the courts; family members; or, unfortunately, even by the other custodial parent = statistic. In many instances, the fact that they are pushed away is often backed by judicial orders or decrees. This undermines the realization that there are many fathers that would love to be more involved. However, this is often ignored and rarely taken into consideration.

22 Productive-Personalities.com

Positive parental support for all children magnifies the importance of effective communication and doing what is in their best interest. This must be done without personal biases or any selfish interests at heart. Our children need both parents to feel whole. If one parent decides that he/she is not going to be participant in the lives of their children, it will adversely affect the children’s emotional well being. Thus, the making of a ―crossfire‖ begins and the constructs of a statistic comprising a populous of emotionally neglected children grows. Let us not manipulate the findings of my personal experiences!

In my family’s household, alcohol abuse was the most important factor in my mother’s life. Her excessive drinking resulted in her being emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive to me and my four siblings. Obviously, educational success was not encouraged, which sadly resulted in my sister’s not learning how to read = statistic. This, in addition to having an absentee father, contributed to my becoming a ―living statistic‖ that was verbally abusive. I was always prepared to steal, kill, and destroy with a flick of my tongue. Indeed, the psychological warfare of formulating a ―living statistic‖ is very real and is prevalent in many of our households today.

In aiming at our children’s best interest, it is my goal that crossfire becomes compromise. This is the only way to reduce the targeted population of emotionally neglected children = reduction of ―living statics.‖ Love, caring, support, quality time with children as well as open and effective dialogue amongst parents should be the goal of all of us. This would allow our oppositions to become opportunities to create a statistic of children that are emotionally supported by positive parenting = wavering statistic!

23 Productive-Personalities.com

By: Eric Hamilton

Research

shows that there are many common factors among children who have successful educational experiences. Some of these factors, such as the parent or guardian's level of education, socioeconomic status, and residential location are factors which cannot be readily altered. However, there are many factors that have a major impact on a child's education that can be altered, and, with careful consideration and planning, can be the decisive difference between a path that may lead to educational success or failure. As it relates to the education of boys, an adult male role model that reinforces this message is critical. Boys can grow to attribute negative traits to education-"school is for girls" or "I'll be picked on for being nerdy"-without proper encouragement and motivation from a male that they respect and admire. When that male is not a parent or guardian, it becomes even more crucial for mothers to seek the aid of a male mentor for their sons and for him to be integrally involved in their son's education. He should help bring emphasis to the importance of making good grades, regular attendance and punctuality, and pursuing excellence at school.

Simply, the relationship should undergo three phases as the child increases in age: Guided Dependence, Guided Interdependence, and Guided Independence. Guided Dependence - The son completely depends on the parent or guardian for guidance about his education. During this phase, birth through elementary years, the parent or guardian must be consciously setting the goals, checking on the progress, and troubleshooting any problems. Guided Interdependence - The son and parent or guardian depend on each other in a shared responsibility about his education. Here the son is given more input into the decisions made about his schooling. Guided Independence - The son independently sets goals and monitors his attainment while the parent or guardian keeps a watchful eye. During this phase, latter high school years, it is up to the son to demonstrate that he is able to take responsibility for educational success with minimal parental guidance.

24 Productive-Personalities.com

The most influential factor in the role of the child's education is that of the adults involved in the child's life. Most significantly, it is the parent or guardian who begins the path of education for his or her child, and the decisions made will help determine whether the path leads in a direction of success or failure. Early in the child's upbringing, it is vital to convey the message of the importance of obtaining a good education and leveraging that education in pursuit of a prosperous career and future. A third major factor that can influence a child's education is having educational goals (specific, attainable, and adjustable). Early on, this will include goals such as reading a book, learning number facts, and memorizing definitions of age-appropriate vocabulary words. As the child gets older, goals should transition into more complex performance goals such as achievement through grades, standardized tests, and participation in honor groups. By the high school years, goals should include graduation and plans for college, military service, or specific training for an immediate career. Finally, the parent or guardian must be the child's first teacher and be an active educator as much as possible in the areas of reading, writing, arithmetic, and exposure. Reading - Read every day to the child. Read every day with the child. Reading really is fundamental to all other learning. Mathematics - Memorize, practice, and repeat. Basic number facts must be memorized early in development in order for more complex concepts to be learned in later years. Writing - Writing should be practiced and constructively critiqued. A student who can communicate what is learned through clear and concise writing will be able to be successful throughout his schooling. Exposure - A child must be exposed to many educational experiences throughout his life. Plan trips to the museum, state and national parks, historical sites, and educational exhibits so he will appreciate what can be learned and develop an appreciation for it. Make sure he becomes involved in many school and community activities to help maintain interest in the education process.

25 Productive-Personalities.com

Lovely Day 2 Teaspoons of Love Ingredients1 whole chicken, 3 to 4 pounds 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil Fresh thyme and rosemary sprigs Salt and pepper 1 lemon, cut in half

Directions

1. Heat the oven to 450 degrees. Put a cast-iron

Ingredients    

8 ounces elbow macaroni 2 tablespoons butter 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 2 cups milk

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1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese 8 ounces cubed extra, extra, mixed cheese

skillet or other heavy oven-proof skillet on a rack set low in the oven. Rub the chicken with the olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Place the herb sprigs on the chicken and place the lemon in the cavity. 2. When the oven is hot, carefully put the chicken in the skillet, breast side up. Roast for 40 to 50 minutes or until an instant-read thermometer reads 155 to 165 degrees F. 3. Remove the bird from the oven and transfer to a platter. Let rest for 5 to 10 minutes. Meanwhile, pour the pan juices into a measuring cup and spoon or pour off some of the fat. Remove the lemon from the cavity and squeeze over the chicken. Carve and serve with pan juices.

Directions 1. In a large pot with boiling salted water, cook elbow macaroni until al dente. Drain. 2. In a medium saucepan over medium heat , melt butter or margarine. Whisk flour and stir hard. Add milk and cook until thick and bubbly, about 5 to 7 minutes. Add cheeses and stir until completely melted. 3. In a large bowl, mix the drained pasta and cheese sauce mixture. Toss to coat evenly. 4. Pour into a greased 2-quart casserole dish. Bake in a preheated 350 degree F (175 degrees C) oven for 30 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Louder Than a Bomb tells the story of four Chicago high school poetry teams as they prepare for and compete in the world’s largest youth slam. By turns hopeful and heartbreaking, the film captures the tempestuous lives of these unforgettable kids, exploring the ways writing shapes their world, and vice versa. While the topics they tackle are often deeply personal, what they put into their poems—and what they get out of them—is universal: the defining work of finding one’s voice.

'How many times have we brought in an outsider to tell us what we already knew .' Peter Block

By: Bobby Mackey

The importance of male mentors in your son’s life is vital. No matter how much you try to see things from your son's viewpoint, a woman cannot fully understand how it is to be a young male or a man. Before pursuing a mentorship, it’s important to understand that you’re in this for your son and not for yourself. It’s unfortunate that many single mothers allow their personal needs of companionship to interfere with the main objective at hand. Remember that you’re finding a mentor for your son and not a man for yourself.”

There are times when it seems that more young men are becoming castaways. We’ve used all of the wrong things to satisfy the images of our young males today. It’s a common misconception that young men are lazy, possess little to no aspirations, and have no one to look up to. While this may be true, I believe in the old saying ― If you want to be somebody successful, you have to see somebody successful.‖ As a mother, it is your responsibility to seek out the adult males with whom your son seems to connect. Just because the coach of his baseball team is handsome or good looking and flirts with you during practice doesn't mean that your son will be able to form a bond or look up to his coach as someone that he would dream to be like when he grows up. Once again, ―You’re in this for your son, not for yourself.‖

There

are several ways that you can find a great mentor for your son. School and the

community are great places to start. School allows safety and assurance for the mentor and mentee. Many school systems have strong mentor programs that have proven to be effective. But normally, mentors are all around us. Your son’s mentor could be a teacher, a neighbor, a club leader, an uncle or deacon, your colleagues at work, or your local police or sheriff’s officer. A mentor is not there to take the role of a parent, but to be a role-model for your son, to be A significant impact in your son’s life. A mentor can provide guidance and support to your son who might need a male figure in his life.

As young men grow older, their perception of role models changes as well. When this happens, your son will begin to form his own belief system. It will be at this fork in the road when your son will seek out someone or somebody to follow into the real world.

But look who’s talking! I had no daddy growing up! However, luckily for me, as a child I had the pleasure of having two positive male figures in my life. One was a man named Eddie Hall. Eddie was a white male that lived down the road from us. He was a man built on Character and Integrity! He and my mother and uncles grew up together. I remember when Eddie would take me for a ride on his tractor, talk about education , and let me gather eggs with him from the chicken coop. Eddie would always tell me that I was going to be someone very successful one day. And I believed him because he believed in me!

My second full-loving mentor turned out to be a man named ―Paul Shaw." My father refused to let me go down the wrong path. He used discipline and guidance to incorporate limitless teachable moments. He refused to watch me turn into a statistic. He made sure that I knew someone loved me! He never called me his stepson, and I never called him my stepdad. I was always his son, and he was always my father. I remember when he saved me from witnessing the life that was given to me at its worst. Being a mentor isn’t just about having someone bring you lunch. Mentorships open closed doors or create new ones,

and mentorships work both ways. As a mother, it is your responsibility to ensure that your son has a guaranteed positive outlook when it comes to men in America. It’s not every day that young men see men who take care of their children, see men who don’t degrade women, or see men who take on the world with education and admiration. There are some life lessons and windows of wisdom that only a man can confer in another man. Unfortunately, young men without good role models to emulate may wind up lost and perish. The likelihood of survival will lessen with time, and the consequences may result in crime. Mentors can expand one’s view of what it means to be a man. But keep your head up and stay on the lookout for mentors. They’re everywhere. For more information on mentors, please contact Bobby Mackey at bobby@productive-personalities.com or please visit Big Brothers Big Sisters at www.bbbs.org

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Helps prevent the (bald spot) on the back of your baby’s head

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Re-grows your baby’s hair while preventing further balding Included in celebrity baby gift baskets for Alicia Keys, Celine Dion, Beyonce, Jessica Alba, Alyssa Milano, Selma Blair, Victoria Becham, Tori Spelling, Kerri Russell, Rebecca Gayheart and Ivanka Trump. Featured in Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Daily Mountain Eagle, Paulding Neighbor & Newsday Featured on People Magazine celebrity baby blog, 11 Alive Weekend Morning show (WXIA-TV Atlanta, GA) and The Better Morning Show (CBS Atlanta WGCL-TV) Available at www.babywalton.com

HELPING OUR MOTHERS H

Raise Our Brothers

For more information on HMRB. Please contact Bobby Mackey; Founder & Facilitator of Productive-Personalities Phone: 678.660.3091 E-mail: bobby@productive-personalities.com

Productive-Personalities.com

1-678-660-3091 "I recently attended one of Bobby's motivational seminars and it was really good. His grasp of what it takes to remain motivated all day every day was impressive and the ideas he shared were extremely useful. Bobby has pulled himself up from a difficult upbringing and so he knows about the obstacles we all face every day in our quest for self-improvement. The audience left energized and animated. If you have the chance to attend one of Bobby's seminars my advice is to go, enjoy and learn." Ralph Blanchard; CEO and President at Chenango Partners LLC CEO and President at Morgan Partners LLC

'Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?' Frank Scully