SELF OBSESSED

ISSUE 1

JANUARY 2015

£6.50

YOU’RE SO

VAIN WE BET YOU THINK THIS COVER’S ABOUT YOU

CONTENTS IE F L

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DEATH OF T

HE SELF(ie

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SELFIE

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According to the Oxford Dictionary folks, it’s official: “Selfie” is the word of 2013.

The selfie is pretty much everywhere; some 90 million photographs on Instagram have the hashtag #selfie. The generation gap disappears when it comes to the selfie: There was a five-year-old in my lobby the other day taking one with an iPhone I fervently hope belonged to her mother and a drunken Geraldo Rivera thought a selfie would prove that 70 is really the new 50. #patheticfailedattempt.

The selfie can be used to titillate when it becomes a sext, whether it’s a high school kid in Connecticut or Anthony Weiner in his skivvies. It can be funny, self-deprecating, or just plain silly. It can humanize spiritual authority, as it did the Pope. But most of all, it’s a tool for the relentless self-promotion that characterizes the digital age—whether it’s used by Kim Kasdashian, a wannabe celebrity or a fifteen-year-old on Facebook—along with the practically ubiquitous need to let everyone know what you’re doing so that someone, or hopefully everyone, pays attention to you. #Lookatme!

On Saturday, New York’s Upper East Side was flooded with streams of young people dressed as Santa for the pub crawl known as SantaCon. What

was noteworthy, watching them in driving snow and wind, was how often they stopped, either alone or in a pack, for a selfie. It seemed as if they shared a mutual concern: Had it really happened if you didn’t take a picture of it and share it? This seems like a digital variation on the philosophical question of the tree falling in the forest. #toobadyoumissedit

The lure of the selfie crosses social boundaries, and appears to be hard to resist. How else to explain the selfie of the American President and the prime ministers of the United Kingdom and Denmark that seemed to dominate the coverage of Nelson Mandela’s memorial service? Or the tale of the robbers in Florida—one with a very long rap sheet—who posted a gleeful and triumphant selfie on Instagram, surrounded by loot and ammo, only to have it spotted by a police officer? If you Google “selfie leads to arrest,” you’ll see that this isn’t an uncommon phenomenon.

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s, ntaneou o p s s k o there’s hile it lo cause w act, and e p b e im g ir a e l a that’s th the digit ct. (Yes, aximize a in m p e im g to a n d a e im ty of fully edit is meant to have d to selfare plen e e r e ti a r c e ly h e e T s b es t, ll?) an e is clo your selfi Selfies c ed or sen en selfie, after a e . d k e a a The selfi b lo m p to u d n ’s ’t have odels an an unse —that ca e , when it m s c e f t’ a a o lfi iF h e s it doesn s d e W o e g une, M mootht again. t that th ped ima 65,FaceT no doub lling in the fores otoshop ounger, s entict3 y h c P r, fe e r ly n e s P s in fa em, endle tauth eyed, th the tree among th the lead of the aresabou e it looks k wider— c o d o n h lo a w n h a # t g c you!!! apps a se whil ou too ollowin act, the real e becau online, y erfect. F g e d p a r n a l e a a h r s it s their imp t. tu e ig e to ic d in iz , p z e e a g im g th x a a a l c in s in m digita ited to m to have an impa d lf-image e e s y celebritie no need, in the ll to fu d e t mean be car ’s sely tie re are er. There The selfie is clo elfies can loaded or sent, is e, after all?) The S . e b to p y e elfi n make ityanywa us, it doesn’t hav selfie, when it’s u at’s an unseen s —that ca e c h o a e e iF W th n . d t o ta ed ain M tha spon toshopp forest ag ct365,FaceTune, o o doubt h e n P th ’s e ly r in s e s and th , Perfe e falling look e endle t’s the tre nd—among them g the lead of th ne, you too can a th , s e (Y a in digind onli apps at h perfect. Follow , in the azines a d g e a e plenty of e m n r in tu o es pic brities ere’s n nyway your selfi models and cele r, smoother. Th enticitya th u ta u o f ge caresab images o , thinner, youn ! #who !! d u e o y y e l r a wide the re to share tal age,

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But does the selfie, along with the other photos we post on social networks, affect our relationships to others, other than making them green with envy? A study at the University of Birmingham Business School in the United Kingdom found that they did but whether they made the relationship tighter or weaker depended not only on the content of the photos posted but the relationship between the people in real life. Close friends actually like seeing your selfies but aren’t so keen on the photos you post of yourself with other friends. Close partners experienced decreased intimacy when photos of themselves and their partners were put up for public display.

Like beauty, the selfie is in the eye of the beholder.

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All of this makes perfect sense. No one likes seeing photographs of happy people at the party they weren’t invited to. People don’t want to see you having a grand old time somewhere when you turned down their invite. Your BFF isn’t thrilled to see you communing with Sarah, the girl you just met, and the guy/gal you’re dating isn’t made happy by Jason or Jen’s posting that pix of you looking deep into his or her eyes at the bar. And the steady stream of perfect pictures can get you down, as one woman confided: “I defriended her because I couldn’t stand the barrage of all those perfect photos. Perfect garden, house, kids, husband, dog. It made me feel lousy, in fact.” Not to mention an endless stream of photos of the summer in Provence, the quick trip to Kyoto, or that darling little cottage on the Vineyard, along with snaps of gorgeously set tables and artfully arranged flowers.

So it looks like the selfie assures that Facebook envy, Instagram angst, FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), and a host of other threats to our senses of well-being and esteem still unlabeled are here to stay until something new comes along.

So, to change up a line from an old but famous movie, “Buckle your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.” #amItheonlyonenothavingfun

UNP

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elfie es. A s it, fi l e s n i ra awash lf-port rWe are enerated se o m a “p s f-g l e e h s t a g s e i callin . Selfi h e g s u o i o d of alth ran a bit g es you take r s i ” t i r a u tr e pictu ost likely, yo t s o h t are tha , m hings f with t l e r s r o F u nyo hone. uce, they ge p a r e cam eacprod rong r m ple to t s m i y s l g e ‘e in ar surpris or hate erate a ther love ‘em our anxiey ei tion of s. Put aside issism and rc se respon rampant na the digital r f e ties ov al decline o Like every or le. the m d exha will recede n a n o i t r genera e behavio nd newness h t ta s , trend itemen time, parent c x e e th ean em, when n the m you hate th ke I . ff o o ta ore wears the m s will want t : e r ina bew ur kid ay be o m y f e l r e rd the mo e name its itudes towa Th eatt them. tos, b fferent o i h d p g n d i con fluenc elf-generate ultiple kes m e s v a ma an h these e end elfie’ c h t ‘s ly t a a e ” s “ie eneral g cau e h h T c i . ns wh ilnotatio diminutive, on and fam i a perffect selfie ome a e semantic lf, s s e i l on ’ se imp From a ‘little as . i y t i e r fi l n ia . Alter e, a se spectiv ct of identity can ree e an asp e diminutiv thh t , raph ra s g o t tively o h ich i he p fer to t the self, wh re e er than ifferent. Wh ll a d quite is a sm f l e s a little e self; a little h

by Pamela B. Rutledge, Ph.D. to bit of t peaks s t i a r mport se of i n e s e th igcy, ins media e and c nifican rmaimpe of nence le a sing . o ph o t

THE SELFIE 09

While it’s true that nothing is really temporary on the Internet, that doesn’t change the intentionality. A selfie is the documentation of a passing moment, not a larger expression. Profile pictures can also be a self-generated and are, most definitely, self-selected, but we interpret a profile picture much differently than a selfie. Profile pictures have a role and meaning that we understand. Profile pictures are meant to represent us. And knowing this, we look for meaning in even the goofiest of others’ profile pictures and speculate on the choice of pet, body part, or group. By contrast, selfies communicate a transitory message at a single moment in time. We are more concerned with the context, the “what’s going on” than the projection of identity.

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This gives selfies a level of self-conscious authenticity that is different from even a candid photograph— they are more raw and less perfect.

The human brain continually searches for patterns and meaning. With any photograph, we always look for the meaning beyond the content: “What is the photographer trying to say?” or “What does this represent?” With selfies, we know who the photographer was, so we wonder what about the moment, not identity over time. Selfies frequently trigger perceptions of self-indulThanks to advances in technology, portraiture has changed dramatical- gence or attenly. We have gone from cameras with film that required long exposure times t i o n - s e e k i n g and serious expertise to digital speed that requires only opposable thumbs. social dependEven our “formal” images are more informal and the freedom of representa- ence that raises tion has changed the standard for what is considered the most expressive of the damnedthe “truth” of an individual. Selfies are beyond informal. They are not meant if-you-do and to standalone as a single message or withstand the passage of time. Selfies d a m n e d - i f are intimate because they represent a personal experience that is also social. y o u - d o n ’ t specter of either narcissism or low self-esteem. There is, however, a remarkable double standard about what types of photographs are acceptable. Part of the problem with selfies may be that they haven’t really been contextualized (yet). We don’t know how to think about selfies using our current mental models. We know what to do with pictures of babies, people holding trophies, or even those teens holding soccer balls smiling so proudly on the mantel.

We know about mug shots in corporate brochures, portraits in school yearbooks and even profiles on social networking sites.

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e om c e an e c s. Th w ot est on los ive sh back c e t p h u ll . T nsec we fa n’t su s o t e it co d re ect four ve an ple a , selfi e n re on of pl eo ha ly c strip s we ate, p rtraitu e peo d l a l e t n to r liver a mode d of s ing po . If th ing a y g ng de ka ea tiz hin ny fail nyt that fies a or h ocra ’s wro oral is it o ly a t s h e m e m hy g fec hav booth lfies d onarc In de ethin te a r W e t ’ e s p shing m ales. om dica tic. on oto i s , d f s y s i t s o e e n , w air ph ness lebri y fem efore ust i rcissi selfi -publ ine, s e V f e g r c ll a fi lf sel unty publi re a c pecia d the n it m or n takin in se lickr, orh t ’ F e o f Wi se c and you g.’ Es n an e, th used hat i e rise ram, ned “n y. e ss as g fi w oc tio ra ho th os is t volum Unle or ‘b senta to p self-f ? But ns of Insta rede g is e xs. re g, re -in us er ok, ote ave tio aid she norm prom self-p ing p eekin est of ifesta cebo ies h selfie ipe fo Fa ial nd of it r lfns er be log ng, an soc to se rules s or entio ot th ny m ch as chno lishi akes tion a b sm a ou ed d n ma att , su l te ial pu pos e soc ’t fam ging, na an ne of nues Socia self- . Thi y form tit ve pp an ag rlat ren so ital s. vio fies a ed br d Rih lfies i . The dles t dig ram a e iden ll inte en os tag er an es se sti bel sel in re la inton ce of imag tically Like m r Ins es wh o are Cl ag nd ya eo ac wh len e. the elsea preva tion a re pr habl k pag ong hose ibute a am or t e arc Ch oo s, a ntr for al? Th informother nd se Faceb ularly ll as f ay co m d a tic of we le a rm no kinds be an arab e and n, par ks as these ung. of Tu ll .sh tas yo on tio of a r, You ublic ra ph enta ental Both kew rim pm lves. ics s itte re p me Tw s mo s a ca expe velo se ph l” a eed i ntity ey de t them ogra a m un ide are k ing a r dem d o y n n e k All ion a patio n loo y us i i t h ra nc sted to w plo ema e

we y still from w s o to el e h d lik racter es in n i g a ur an ima love ( rd ch vent d ad oa o an e ge sed t cardb mini- pok a o m le u t e i k in d new peop tand- s to ta un an a s , f ’ on y fair bove llow u have into y r t t ‘ a a n o re e to e cou wing hings lay, t entu l b o p t a v h be . At t ce sh ds of us to ief ad o t a s r n e w b rf nt dki wa urselv thei hose y allo ble a Nee l l o T ith he na ts. ea , w art of ken w land. fly. T can e train s i s uth that p tos ta n Eng y brie They l con ut r t l B a e a . o s n t th feel a ir ph beth n if o erent norm lfies. u B ld a e e f e u ing th r Eliz e, ev no diff ion o s of s d o o t c w av e a h est d pla s are elaxa te us is a b ) W o r e a n d fi e a n ld a Wi time s. Sel lf or fortu selfi e a h e n r e t s the rselv ct of me u aking g o n u o e a t o t asp are s ct of t ethin a fun eren here the a t som o ,t iff n a d o say mea es is n o, of t t ’ d fi s les doesn g sel se to n o i t tha . Tak ill cho g w n thi one y r eve se. r cou

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T A

Earlier this week, a Texas mother of four, Kimberly Hall, made national headlines with her online manifesto to teenage girls prone to taking and posting self-portraits on social media. “Who are you trying to reach?” the mom asked.

“What are you trying to say?” Girls who keep this sort of thing up, the mom went on to write, will be blocked in her household, because “Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it? You don’t want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you? Neither do we.”

Though her post is rife with sexism—the post runs beneath a photograph of her own three boys shirtless on the beach and includes no mention of the responsibility of the viewer, or her sons, in how he/they respond to such images—Hall makes a valid point.

Ever since smartphones came equipped with cameras that face not just outward but also backward at the user, the self-portrait—dubbed the “selfie”—has taken over social media, particularly Instagram. (It’s popular on dating sites, as well.)

Because of the selfie’s close-up nature, it’s far more intimate than, say, the portrait your sister took of you standing in front of the Grand Canyon. Many selfies carry sexual undertones, especially since the majority of selfies are, obviously, user-approved, and designed to leave a positive impression or elicit a positive response. But it’s not just technology that has driven the selfie—and it’s not only teenage girls and singles using it to take control of how they present themselves to the world. Sarabeth, a 40-year-old, married chief operating officer of a digital media company, routinely wove magazine-worthy photographs of herself lounging seductively on the beach, laughing by candlelight, and snuggling with her kids into her Instagram feed. They weren’t all posed, though all were flawless, and served to project a certain image, that of money, power, and love of what, by all visual accounts, was her amazingly fun-filled life. “I don’t put much thought into what I post other than if it’s a nice photograph of a meaningful moment, I like to share it,” she told me. “But no, if I look god-awful, that’s not a photo that will see the light of day.”

H

W YOUR

SELFIE SAYS ABOUT

by Pe g

gy

De

xle r

U O Y

in intimacy with others. For one thing, putting so much emphasis on your own looks can make others feel self-conscious about theirs in your presence. The pressure to be “camera-ready” can also heighten self-esteem issues and increase feelings of competition among friends. The trick with selfies may be to look at why you’re taking them—and what they do for you. Posting affirming selfies can be empowering. They can help readjust the industry standard of the beauty ideal. But they can also help reinforce the idea that what matters most in this world is how things, and people, look. For Sarabeth, the problem she noticed first, before she even noticed her increasing fixation with her own appearance and that of her family, was the fact that she was so busy controlling her image that she’d often miss the moment in real life. Capturing something on camera took priority over reacting to something in person. “Documenting the experience took precedence over living it,” she said. “And finally I realized, well, how can I expect others to pay attention to what’s happening in my life when I can’t even say the same for myself?”

O n t h e surface, the trend is sort of affirming, if undeniably self-absorbed: Women, whether rich and powerful like Sarabeth or otherwise, increasingly have a healthy image of themselves.

That’s a good thing. Girls creator Lena Dunham is a big fan of the selfie, both on social media and through her show—which shares with selfies a confessional quality. On TV, Dunham’s character often appears naked or in various states of undress; in real life, her Instagram selfies aren’t necessarily flattering by typical standards. They challenge the “Hollywood ideal” and that, too, is a good thing, especially when size 0 celebrities dominate so much of the modern day visual barrage. The more we see a range of body types, the better.

And yet selfies are also a manifestation of society’s obsession with looks and its ever-narcissistic embrace. There’s a sense that selfie subjects feel as though they’re starring in their own reality shows, with an inflated sense of self that allows them to believe their friends or followers are interested in seeing them lying in bed, lips pursed, in a real world headshot.

It’s like looking in the mirror all day long, and letting others see you do it. And that can have real and serious implications.

Excessive narcissism, studies have found, can have adverse effects on marriage and relationships, parenting, and the workplace. One study found a link between excessive narcissism and violence.

What’s more, a recent study out of the U.K. found that the selfie phenomenon may be damaging to real world relationships, concluding that both excessive photo sharing and sharing photos of a certain type—including self-portraits—makes people less likeable.

The same study found that increased frequency of sharing self-portraits is related to a decrease

DEATH OF THE

SELF(ie)

by Jill P. Weber, Ph.D.

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M fe ost to edb te th th ac en a in eir em k. T ge p to fe o sel he g ab lea elin sitiv ves y w irls in ou rn g g e f by an are ha th t p ing oo eed g t l tio nd e fo utt ho d a ba etti to ook m n; , fo rm ing w n bo ck ng pro ing so igh eve r so of yo ot ut trai oth ve fo tiv cia t p ry m a ur to wh n. T er the r p te e f l m ut tim e, t pic rea fee o y he s o ir os no r. H eed ed an e he ture l s l em ou re n b wo itiv (w th ow ba ia. oth a g selfi . O elf b ar is v oa rth e he hic ing ev ck, If sh er irl f e i n t ou arra e a alu rd r h o er sh e im ee s a he t t ss nd e r w s h e l A po nd en is in ne he e m rec age s lo n ad oth er d s e fo ten t e ev ga n s ay iv o w di er e te r a tia oo, of itab tive he fe es ut she cp gi ntly se l in th self le fe rec el b os on l r f e e fie t pl or d eiv et ian ls. h u b v s su d Al ex ma e oy mm mo ac es a k u b e th je po th a y u u e st in e p ct, ste oug lize ina die rism ts. ) dv nc pr g a ro the d h e e t c i s e b v gi a el es na y tak e ris rls te. f-p s o tur th en n th F or f e e st oo m at or tra tak of d isu pri som it is as n va sa de cy e fe rty .

As a girl poses for a “selfie” she acts both as artist and subject, allowing for complete control of how her image is portrayed to the public. Young women and teenage girls are the biggest users of the technology that makes this possible.

In the big picture, teen girls are merely trying to understand themselves and the selfie provides an easy canvas. As they pose or pick an image to display they can consider “which version of myself would I like to show people today?” Social comparison and social feedback are two healthy ways that teenagers come to develop their identity.

There is a positive aspect to unabashedly celebrating who a person is and feeling proud of that person. Unfortunately, in my experience, girls who do this on a frequent, ongoing basis may struggle with low self-esteem and doubt their self-worth.

Initially for them posting a selfie can feel empowering. They are acting on a desire to feel better about the self through, ideally, obtaining positive feedback. Over the long run it becomes disempowering because, for younger girls in particular, self-worth may come to rest entirely on what others feel about them and not enough on how they feel about themselves.

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Which opens the door to trouble because a way to gain more feedback is to take a more provocative photograph.

Girls in particular are socialized toward seeing themselves as loveable and worthwhile if others value them. For some this can become the only way they seem themselves as valuable. When achieving someone else’s definition of perfection is the primary standard, girls dismiss their own and by the time they turn into women they find it comfortable to forge connections with those who do not take their feelings seriously. There can be a downward spiral to this when as women they continue to turn to external avenues for self-validation, focusing on appearing good enough and focusing less on self-knowledge and emotional intimacy.

As a girl or woman works to achieve acceptance through physical perfection she is also becoming disconnected from her own internal needs and desires. As I describe in Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy, the thrill of being wanted and desired can be so powerful for girls who are hyper-focused on being valued by others that they may consent to a sexual experience before their feelings are fully on board.

The selfie culture, for some girls is yet another mechanism for them to hyper-focus on the external and to neglect the internal. Notice if this tendency is going in over drive for you or if you are a parent, notice if your girls are obsessing and fixating on the perfect picture.

Girls need to pull back and redirect their attention toward how they view themselves. As girls grow and learn to do real things in their lives that make them feel important and as they accomplish things that remind them that they can have a larger impact, they focus less on striking the perfect pose and more on their internal sense of contentment.

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Wit h sp

ecia

l tha nks Blur to; b.

G. F com S Arm mith o Mirr rial i Bo ard The Peo ple of F lickr and The Guy s at Sket ch A gen cy.