A short story about a reunion between a homeless man and his daughter
W
hile waiting for the airplane to arrive, I wondered why my Dad, wanted to come to Florida. My father had abandoned my family when I was five years old. Years later, he was diagnosed with a mental illness and institutionalized for many years.... But he was later released on his own and disappeared into the bowels of New York ....to live as one of the homeless. During my younger years, my mother would take us to visit my Dad in the institution. My memories were vivid...of the dungeon-like rooms and the depressing concrete walls and bars that outfitted this ancient dilapidated
mental institution. I couldn’t understand at this tender age of eight what my Dad was doing there. My heart would cry out to him, “Come home...come home, Dad”. “Why do you want to stay here”? “Come home and stay with your family that loves you”. But I was too young to understand why he shut himself from his family and the world....until now. I lost track of my Dad through the years until one day, I received a call from a Nun, Sister Angela, who worked with the homeless in New York. “Sam Shabel is
T Homeless Voice Prayer List
• Cathy • Ginny • Violet
If you have read these names please say a short prayer. Call 954-410-6275 to add a name. No monetary donations needed
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your Dad”, she asked? “Yes”, I replied. “Is he okay”? “Your Dad needs money”, Sister Angela said. “He would appreciate if you could spare some money for him.” I didn’t hesitate...money would be sent to her immediately. I was happy to hear that my father was alive and a feeling of love and warmth enveloped me. But the word Dad was strange to me...I hadn’t spoken that word in years. I did not really know my Dad but there was always a feeling of kinship for this man...I always felt a bond with him....my father.
his month ABC had a special of what could happen to you at restaurants if you complain about your food and service. The TV show also talked about how leftover butter on your table may be recycled and put in another product. One restaurant chef said he had worked at restaurants in the past and after they remove the used butter from your table and even when people put their cigarette out after they use the butter dish for an ash tray that is used as well after they remove the cigarettes. Your leftover bread may end up being used as bread crumbs. Eating out can be a dangerous situation. Robert Levin a long term cook for almost 40
“Sam Shabel is your Dad”, she asked?
While discussing the situation with Sister Angela, I quickly suggested another alternative. “How would my Dad like to live in Florida? The weather is nicer than New
years, said "It was common practice to mess with someone’s food after they complained how it was cooked, "I recommend not to eat what you don't like and ask for a credit and not to have the food re cooked." When Richard came to our shelter he was put in charge of the kitchen where he had said many times that the COSAC Shelter Kitchen was cleaner then some of the restaurants where he has worked. Sometimes when Richard became a clean freak at the restaurants he worked he would be fired for trying to get them to keep a clean kitchen. Keeping a clean kitchen can cost a restaurant another $1500 a (Continued on page 7)
You can get a copy of this book by going to www.publishamerica.com. In the upcoming months you will be able to go to other web sites such as Barnes and Noble.
York and I could arrange for a beautiful place for him to live”. Sister Angela thought the idea was a wonderful one...one less (Continued on page 6)
The Voice of the Homeless
Page 2
FRIENDS OF THE HOMELESS For just $15.00 a month you can keep a homeless family off the streets for a day. Please make check payable to: COSAC Foundation Friends of the Homeless. Please include on memo what name should appear in paper.
Mail check to: Friends of the Homeless P.O. Box 292-577 Davie, FL 33329
Your Name Will Be Printed in Our Paper Every Month • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
The Cononie Family The Targett Family Patrick Helings John Bendor The Preston Family In Loving Memory of Uncle Joe & Nana Shannon Brooks Lisa Cebrat Pakita Price Nana Sullivan The Watsons Sean Cononie Sally Lister Judith Kelly Arnold Goldstein Martha Roman The Baptista Family Jacob Robinson Julie Stokes De De Hupp John Criasia Daniel Harrison The Martinez Family Amanda Reynolds Dolores R. Cerra Bob Hall Tressie W. Osborne Clark Rogers The Savir Family Peter Richman Richard McHenry Stevie Nix Corinne James The Browns Chris Sanchez Hugo DeCarpintini Mario Yuio Richard Friedman Diane Friedman Uylna Quadrino Ginny Scott Arnold Reemer In Loving Memory of Peter Sullivan Maryann Springer Elaine Snaith Marshal Bugin Keith Yude Bruce Wethersoon Isabelle J. Henry Raul Cardenas M.D. Wendy Bryan Jacqueline McCarty Albert J Taragowski Darla King Paula King Richard Gomez Anthony Ralph Jennifer Hicky Timothy Lukehard Thomas Rua The Jackson Family Justin Rowan Mary Green
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Morris Grazi Marvin Shatze Ronald Shafer Vance Gunn Adam Staler Allen Yancy Jimmy Daniels Mel Blount Carol Lockette Joe Golden Anna Marye Levier Magan Narduzzi Andre Johnson Antione Collins Eric Harrison Jessica Padilla Sheldon Jones
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Carlo Harrison Jason Emrik Dan Gilcert Amber Rowan Jackie Johnson Ricky Cambell
• • • • •
Dorr’e Terry Samual Manery Marilyn Vokish Jenny Curic Amy Curic Lisa Jackson
•
Jim Johnson Bobby Neal Erica Fulton Darren Nolf Erica Sanclair Steve Dillan Dallan Michele King Bobby Ore Casandra Thomas Tara Hunter Mark Faber Nichole Faber Kevin Britt The Cable Family The Maione Family Barbara Strong Grace Marth Regla J Ferrer The Baldwin Family Horace Gracie Russell J. Ferguson Marjorie G. Rhines Jamie F. Flores In Loving Memory Of Thomas Gasbarro Cathy and Kids The Davis Family Graham R. Mitchell Essential Oil Healthline Amparo L. Korey John’s Plumbing Service Thank You Winn Dixie Adrienne and Mike Ms. Marilyn Smith Albert J. Taragowski Ruth C Grey
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Mike Cross Tamara Southard Raul Cardenas MD PA Al and Annie
• • •
Hurricane Prevention Inc Danny and George The Thompson Family OTD Messenger, Inc M. Smith Yorick and Bonita Parrica Lee Russ & Delores B Mordon Robert Jesus Llanes Comet Couriev Proietto Family In Memory of Billy Corwin Josh Searles Patricia Lee Russ Delores B Mordon Mrs. Jenkins Everglades Moon, Covenant of Goddess, Elibet Hanson Judy B. Pascarella John Gaeta Michael R. Prokop, Jr. Jackie M. McCarty In Memory of Charles Horton In Memory of William F. Judge Todd Palgon The Morabito Family
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Todd Palgon Holly J. Andrus Lois Cross In Loving Memory of Florence & Nat Popkin Tailored Advertising, Inc Claudia K. Tapolow Margie Jones In memory of Wesley H. Woodall Maria M. Riveiro Gottlieb & Blair Family Pioneer Middle School Youth Crime Watch Rhenals-Mei Family The Strikowski family Margie Jones & Friends Ronald Prescia In Memory of Brian Groleau Laura Flash Jacqueline M. McCarty The Herrmann Family The Monserrate Family Madeline Butera Jennifer S. Nickel Marilyn R. Smith David Thawley
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Robert and Ruth Baal In Memory of Melba DeSanto In Memory of My Mother Pearl McCann, Love Teresa Barbara Desanto Leah and Ray Michael & Michale Rhett Marie Sutera Floyd and Luana Coats Doug Boucher Family Kevin Jones Dorothy Griffith Family In Loving Memory of Kris Soltan Kevin “KJ” Jones Douglas Boucher The Swartout's Ivonne Fernandez The Verny & Stewart Families In Loving Memory of Frances Klein The Herrmann Family John C. Burt Albert Taragowski Renato & Malika Vasconez In Memory of C.T.R. Adriana Fernandez Andrea Brown The Kunicki Family Thank you so much, Sean & Lois, for all your help. –Joan Futscher & Kids McAvoy Family The Geise Family Richard & Margaret Martin Kenny Angela Adriana N. Quila Elizabeth P. Sublett Barbara Robinson Mark E. Johnson Julio A. Izquierdo Ann M. Hamilton Nicole Lee Nelson Anthony Rhodes Christine M Wilson K.J. Williams Renato and Malika Vasconez Christine McAuliffe In Memory of Chief George J. Hodges Real Breakthrough Solutions Hartford Property Connection, Inc. In Loving Memory of Donald Fraser In Loving Memory of Rex Lichtenberger In Loving Memory of Jose A. Estruch, Jr. YOUR NAME HERE
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• You can setup payroll deduction through your employer to support the COSAC Foundation’s Homeless Voice • Your company might even match your donation • See your human resource or department manager
Page 3
Volume VIII, Issue 7
HOMELESS VOICE While the shelter is still undergoing repairs from Hurricane Wilma, Sean is also working many hours on the pandemic planning for the community and for all the shelters in the USA. It has been real hard for us. We need your prayers this month. Also, we have started a prayer list which is on page 1. To add a name, please call me at 954-410-6275. If you read the names on the list, we ask you to say a short prayer for them. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR SEND TO:
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F LO R ID A A UTO IN SU R AN C E IN C . 6 7 4 0 T A F T S T R E E T, H O L L Y W O O D
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The Voice of the Homeless
Page 4
NEW LIFESTYLES
ADVANTAGE COMMUNICATIONS, INC. • • •
ACI supports the Homeless Voice and the Cosac Foundation in raising awareness and providing solutions to homelessness in our neighborhoods. ACI knows that lending aid to human beings in need is good for our souls, our communities and is simply the right thing to do. ACI would like to thank all people who are actively engaged in helping humanity here on the blue planet. God bless the Cosac Foundation Commercial, Industrial, & Government 2-way Radio www.advantage-com.com
Mark Lavallee, President 954-961-2642
Excellence in Radio
Dear Lord:
M
y name is Timothy Dillman. I am from Hartford, Ct. I am also a paraplegic (paralyzed from the hips down.) I live on a meager stipend from social security. I came to South Florida on Jan. 5th of this year to relocate and meet up with a friend who was already here. I arrived here and realized that things had changed concerning my living situation. So I stayed in very cheap motels, while deciding what to do. Either stay here or go back to Ct. During the interim my money ran out so I neither had money for hotels or money to get home till my next check, which would arrive on February 3rd. I called shelters and halfway houses all around and nobody would take me because of my wheelchair. Finally I attained the phone # to COSAC. I arrived here and was told that they were not equipped to handle the physical needs of someone confined to a wheelchair. But they did not send me away. They took me in and accommodated my needs and made me feel very welcome. Being in a position of such stress and vulnerability is new to me and I was scared. But COSAC is very safe, very helpful and from what I have seen, the staff is very dedicated. I am grateful and I applaud all who have helped me in my time of need at COSAC. When I arrive back to my home in Ct. COSAC will be in the forefront of my memory for a very long time. Many thanks, Timothy Dillman
We ask that you take the bird flu away and send it back to hell. We also ask, Lord that you give the researchers the tools they need , the guidance they need , the skills they need to come up with a vaccine for the bird flu so many lives will be saved. And Lord if it is your will to allow it to come to us who believe in you and to others who do not believe in you, then Lord we ask you by our prayers that all people who will die will be forgiven for their sins even if they do not believe in you. Also Lord we ask that all people who have died in the past, present and future to be forgiven for their sins even if they do not believe in you. We ask you that our prayers will be substituted for them. We ask that our prayers work for them as well as us. Lord if it is still your will to allow this bird flu and people die , Lord we ask that you give their families and friends comfort and the will to carry on.... We ask this in your precious name. Let us all pray for my co worker Cathy who has lung cancer. Amen
HELP Wanted for Work Call Jef Sprinklers & Irrigation 954-448-4552 Advantage Communications, Inc. is a proud supporter of The Cosac Foundation "Excellence in Radio"
Page 5
Volume VIII, Issue 7
HOMELESSVOICE Cosac Hurricane & Safety Supplies 954-923-0441
We are in
• Skake-a-lite Batteryless Flashlights $16.00 -Shake by hand 20 times and it last for hours of continuous use • Cranking Batteryless Flashlights $13.00 • No Batteries NEEDED
Voice Shelter 954-920-1277
desperate need of cars, and freezers call the Homeless
There is no way to Peace. Peace is the way. -Mahatma Gandhi.
Rain Season is HERE! The Cooperative Feeding Program is in desperate need of food for the com m unity food pantry. •
•
• •
T he shelves are empty and we need to feed our co mmunity members that need just a litt le help. P lease get with your church, optimi st clubs, schools, or social clubs and do a food drive so our little ones, seniors and individuals get some food in their bellies. P lease call 954-792-2E A T www.F ee dingB roward .org
Learn how to start your ow n food pantry so your ow n group can do w hat w e do to help our poorest members of our community. G o to w w w.Training.cscBrow ard.org. Project name: The Cupboard Is Bare.
If you do not see your normal vendor this month because of rain, make your donation online at www.homelessvoice.org
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3553 North Dixie Highway Oakland Park, Fl 33334 Email: info@mycomputerpeople.biz
The Voice of the Homeless
Page 6
HOMELESSVOICE
said. Could that have been homeless person to worry a dream, I thought...or did about for her...she was re- it happen? I would never lieved that he would be off forget that moment...it was the streets and reunited so real... my father protectwith his daughter. ing me from harm. The A few days passed memory still lingered before Sister Angela con- on...as if it was yestertacted me again with the day...I could picture both exciting news that Sam of us...loving each other. wanted to He must recome to Flor- The last time I had member that ida. I was ec- seen him was at the moment, I static...tears thought....he age of fourteen. He were flowing must have felt was completely something for from my eyes. alienated from A reunion beme...he must tween my Dad reality, obligations want to bond and myself...he or responsibilities. with his daughsurely has ter again and come to his senses...he now. I wired the ticket and missed me...all those years. he was on his way...his Why else would he agree first flight....ever....Would to move? he be happy to see me? Sam escaped from How would he look after the world years ago with all these years? Would he his emotions and feelings recognize me? I was anxtucked into some corner of ious and frightened as I his soul only to remain heard the loudspeaker anthere hidden where no one nounce the flight had arcould reach it. The last rived. The passengers were time I had seen him was at walking off the tram and I the age of fourteen. He was stared at each face. Did he completely alienated from make it to the plane? Is that reality, obligations or re- him, I thought? No, that sponsibilities. Sam was a man just spotted somerecluse....a loner....refusing one...so it is not Sam. As I to talk to anyone more than kept looking, an older man a few monosyllables at a walked past me. He was time. But I can remember quite old, much older than as a four year old, holding I expected Sam to be. His his hand walking down the white beard needed trimstreet frightened by some ming while his clothes apperson walking by....being peared to be as shabby as if calmed by my Dad. he had slept in them for “Don’t worry weeks. Susan, no one will hurt But I noticed this you. I will protect you”, he man’s eyes...something (Continued from page 1)
familiar in that look. Those eyes ....they were my eyes...they belonged to me. That was Sam, my Dad, looking much older than I expected. How old was Sam, I thought? In his 70’s. Is that possible...just a few years ago...I remembered this man in his 40’s...with dark black hair and sparkling big brown eyes. How could he have become an old man? Had time passed so quickly that it robbed him of his youth? What had he gained through all those years....what rewards did he reap...what family did he enjoy? What sadness ...what despair....the only reward was getting older, I thought. “Dad”, I cried. Sam did not turn around. He waited ....not moving from his spot. I rushed to him and placed my arms around him....happy to see him. “Dad, it’s me, Susan”. He did not respond. How could he know the name of Dad, I thought. No one had called him Dad in years. “Hello”, he said. There was no other response....not even a hug or a kiss from him. I kissed him on his cheek. I was excited and overjoyed to see him again. We walked to the car in silence. I didn’t want to overwhelm him so I decided that I would speak sporadically when
Or make your donation online at www.HomelessVoice.org
Most Americans are “Two Paychecks” away from being homeless. Help the shelter stay alive. We are trying to pay the mortgage off! To help, please send a check or money order to: COSAC Foundation Burn That Mortgage Campaign P.O. Box 292-577 Davie, Fl 33329
I had so many questions to ask him.....how did he feel?
the occasion needed it. “How did you like the flight”? “Okay”, he uttered. “It was only two hours ...I thought it would take longer”. I had so many questions to ask him.....how did he feel? Was he happy to see me? Was he excited to start anew...with his loving daughter? “I need some clothing”, he said. I had told Sister Angela to send him without any clothing other than what was on his back. I would purchase a new wardrobe for him when he arrived. I knew then that I was no stranger to Sam...he was comfortable with me. He had never left me....not in spirit... In silence, I spent the afternoon shopping with Sam. He spoke no more than a few words when I chose some of the clothing for him. I accepted it ...there was the future I was hoping to look forward to with him. I had arranged for a retirement home for him that would be paradise compared to the homeless living he had in New York. It was a long afternoon so we drove to his new home. Sam walked into his
room ....expressionless....w ithout emotion....he looked around the room. “There are two beds here”, he said. “Do I share this room with someone else”? “Yes”, I said. “But it will be great for you...someone will clean your room, make your bed....meals will be there for you every day”. “Can’t I have a small hotel room by myself”, he asked? “I want to be on my own”. I was shocked...How could he not appreciate the situation? What was this man thinking....a whole new life.....and he wanted his old one back? But after reasoning with him he agreed to accept this situation. He would stay there, he said. I was relieved... I wasn’t in the mood to give him his old life back...Sam was not a fighter...he would stay. After a few weeks, it was obvious that Sam began to depend upon me. He would have someone from the retirement home call me to make sure that I was visiting him on the day I promised to be there. Usually, it was cigarettes (Continued on page 8)
"You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand." -Woodrow Wilson
Buy Music at www.homelessvoice.org
Page 7
Volume VIII, Issue 7
HOMELESSVOICE Bring Your Friends to our Friends Column Last month we started to really enhance our Burn that Mortgage Campaign. We did not do as good as we expected but in reality we did do good because anytime someone sends you a donation you are grateful even though you don’t make your goals. We are thankful for the people who helped us and for the people who could not help us out because I know their prayers are with us. We are getting there and we will indeed pay off this mortgage. So I ask you one more time to reach in and try to get others to help us meet our goal. In fact let’s all make a new goal. Look how much the friend’s column has grown over the years. Wouldn’t it be nice if we had to devote two whole pages to the friend’s column? Today I give you the challenge to bring five of your friends to our friend’s column so we can still keep on helping the ones who need help the most. Please remember it is going to be raining a lot during the next few months and we also need help with our rain budget. This money is saved for rainy days so when the vendors are not out there raising money for the homeless we can pull from the rain conserved funds.
Please go to page 2 and follow the directions and let’s add some of your friends to this column.
American Cancer Society Jails Community Members
D
uring the month of June the American Cancer Society filed an arrest warrant on Sean Cononie to raise money for Cancer Research and Cancer Victims. On June 20th Cononie turned himself in at the Sheraton Hotel where he was placed in the cell by Judge David Singer (Attorney David Singer.) Judge Singer placed a bail on Cononie at $2,000 because of the nature of the charges. The charges were classified on the arrest war-
rant by Officer Steve Einhorn (Epic Properties Commercial Real Estate) as "Helping one person at a time." According to Judge Singer, these charges were very serious. The judge raised Cononie's bail because he was considered a flight risk. Cononie spent a few hours in the slamme r until other not for profit directors and members of the business community bailed him out raising a total of $2,500.00. On a serious note,
Left to right; Officer Steve Einhorn, Sean Cononie, Judge David Singer
(Continued from page 1)
month and owners and big businesses just get by with minimal standards. He recommends that most states should do more on the spot inspections. Some of the acts that are done to people’s food when they complain would be considered criminal in most places and he stresses the fact that maybe they should treat it criminal and put undercover operatives getting a job at kitchens to see the habits of chefs after a customer complains. If the staff at a restaurant knows that there may be someone there who can close them down and face prosecution it may deter some of the vicious acts. "People get sick from the way restaurants prepare and serve their food and some-
thing needs to be done about it, said Richard. Richard added "Your institutions, such as schools, jails, or most homeless shelters have cleaner kitchens them some of the places he has worked.” -Sean Cononie ...The Homeless Voice doesn’t offer a sports section, weather, cartoons, crossword puzzles or all kinds of coupons for toothpastes in the Sunday edition. It does however offer something that no other newspaper does. Every issue is filled with stories of human nature and goodness. How many car accidents and deaths can you hear about every day? Just as there should be a news channel that offers nothing but good news; the Homeless Voice provides this for
Sean was pleased to help considering two of his co workers have cancer and his dad is a cancer survivor. Cononie stated, "It was a very nice break to enjoy time away from the shelter." He asked if he could get arrested next year as well and of course to help raise funds for the American Cancer Society. Written By Mark Targett
During the month of June the American Cancer Society filed an arrest warrant on Sean Cononie to raise money for Cancer Research and Cancer Victims.
those of you who would prefer to see the brighter and more positive side of life. In this particular issue we decided to go head to head with the major syndications by offering you some words from our food critic. The difference being Richard isn’t interested in obtaining advertising space for his boss or obtaining free meals when he patronizes a restaurant. His only motive being concern and care for you and your families well being. Richard came to us as a homeless gentleman after putting in twenty hard years in the restaurant business. He was forced to say good bye to the industry not because he was fired or couldn’t handle the
stress anymore, but simply because he no longer could be part of an industry that takes no precautions and shows absolutely no concern for the patrons who support them every day. He became disgusted and disappointed in the spiraling downward direction the industry was heading and what it stands for. “I took myself out of the corporate world and focused on finding jobs for independents,” Richard said. The reason being he was hoping to change the industry one restaurant at a time, but that became an exhausting and futile effort. Having no financial means to properly educate the large number of masses which patronize these restau(Continued on page 11)
The Voice of the Homeless
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HOMELESSVOICE
(Continued from page 6)
or money that prompted the call but I didn’t care. I was happy that he needed me for something...anything. There was a bond binding us together...strengthening each time I saw him. I questioned him...About anything...just to hear him speak. What a brilliant mind he had at one time...my Mom told me for many years...how intellectual of a man he was. How he would walk from Brooklyn to the New York Library so he could read as many books as he could devour. In the beginning, it appeared to be an effort for him to answer any questions so I asked them sparingly. He began to answer....some of them. One afternoon, while I was visiting with him, I began a conversation about religion and other topics. His knowledge appeared to be limitless. One question led to another and another and Sam kept on talking. What a mind....I thought...what brilliance....what philosophical answers. One ques-
tion after another and he kept on answering them ...without a hesitation. Where did he gather all this knowledge and ideas, I thought? Sam told me that didn’t belong to him... he was an instrument for these ideas which he gathered from books he had read years ago. The conversation lasted about two hours...about God, Jesus, the Soul and Politics. One more question...I thought it could be the right time to ask. Maybe he would open up to me and share his tucked away emotions. He was lucid now...willing to express himself...relaxed in his environment with me. A personal question...one that would allow me to understand why our life together was not fulfilled. “Dad, why did you leave...did you not love us”? Sam became quiet...a wall came down between us. His eyes widened with fear and I could sense a deep sadness in them. What was he trying to express through his eyes? Reality...struggling with it...having to explain it to
ther’s actions left me...was more than he could bear. It was My visits to Sam were about once me with deep scars as if he could not a week. They were spent mostly in and I was not going follow in my face it...to dig deep silence at a local restaurant where to father’s footsteps. down for answers. It was too painful for he would eat whatever he desired. My husband, when I met him, was the Sam to continue...he father that I never refused to talk anyconsiderate more. His eyes glared into uncomfortable with the knew...kind, space and Sam escaped and lack of chatter but Sam and loving. I thought he returned to his world. He was always compliant, would always be there for closed the door on me and waiting for me but it was me and he would never let I knew it. I would not be lonely for me...being by me down. When we marable to open it at this myself. I know he needed ried, I thought, life would time...maybe never. The me and probably somehow be easy now...he would be pain I had noticed through loved me in his own way... the strong one...he would his eyes told me it was un- but there would never be a hold the reins of the rebearable to him. But what father and daughter rela- sponsibilities of life that I was so painful, I thought? tionship that I craved.... never had with my faWould he ever be able to His eyes told a story...that ther...I could relax...and share with me these feel- day...when I saw the hurt take a deep breath. But I ings? I wanted to know so in them...I would never panicked...had fate played desperately why? Would forget that look. Did he a cruel trick on me again? he ever shed a tear and desert us because he didn’t Would I relive that poverty allow his feelings to come care or because he had no era of my life over again? through? What was he choice...in his mind? My thoughts were of my blocking out that was so Would that man ever feel escape...to leave everything painful to him? Would I such a kinship to ever tell behind me. Could I leave ever know....probably not. me that he loved my family like my father Maybe Sam didn’t even me...or...did he ever feel left me? I wanted to run and escape...be on my know. that kinship at all? My visits to Sam I knew the feeling own...do it for myself...not were about once a week. of loving a child. I had a worry about anyone else... They were spent mostly in son that I adored. There Would I do what my father silence at a local restaurant was a time when my hus- did....and run? No...my where he would eat what- band and I had very rough family needed me...I would ever he desired. He would times financially in our learn from Sam’s exambarely talk to me. I was early part of our marriage. ple....no matter how diffiMy husband had business cult it was to stay together. Where did it get and financial losses when I had just given birth to our my father? On the streets son. My husband worked of New York...alone and diligently trying to save his emotionless? No one to business but I borrowed love and care for him. I money from family so that didn’t want to greet my son we could survive. When in an airport when I was in my son was five months my seventies and miss all old, I returned to work those wonderful years leaving the daycare of my when he was growing up baby to my mother and and needing me. I was afraid of the future but others. The pressures of what were my choices? To my life were becoming be like my Dad....or stay unbearable...and I ques- and fight? I would stay...I tioned my life and my life- needed my husband and style with my husband. son as much as they Thoughts of separating needed me. I vowed...life from him were closer to would not repeat itself for reality...the pressures of me and my son...he would supporting a family, taking never experience life’s crucare of a baby and being elties that were thrusted confined to a future that upon me as a child. He was looked bleak was over- my life... and as I fought whelming. Could I accept against the powerful waves against my all this responsibility? beating Thoughts of leaving my shores...I became stronger husband and baby were and successful....with purpose and with discipline fleeting through my mind. But my heart told and hard work I attained me I would have to con- position and money. There a purpose....a front my actions and accept was the consequences....my child...defenseless against child...I would be no better the onslaught....how could than my father if I walked I let him down? away. Could I face the hurt Never.......Does feelings of in my son’s eyes if I would parenthood come with the ever leave him? birth of a child? No... I can Never...that would never remember the distance I (Continued on page 9) happen, I thought. My fa-
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Volume VIII, Issue 7
HOMELESSVOICE
informed that he was in felt towards my newborn intensive care. I walked baby...the overwhelming into his room and noticed pressure of the responsibil- Sam was resting comfortaity.....the oneness took time bly with all these wires to build. attached to him. I walked What happened to out to the nurse’s desk but Sam...? The no information bond...the onewas forthcomness...wasn’t it Sam is still a ing. The doctor ever there...or arrive recluse and would was he too preocshortly, I was talks to no one told, and he cupied with his needs to feel the unless he has to would inform warmth towards do so. But with me of Sam’s me...his daughter, condition. Susan? How me, there is no This was how it could Sam let me need to talk. was supposed to down? Didn’t he end, I thought. miss the hugs and Sam would die kisses as I experienced and I would never know with my son? The warmth the truth. I would never and caring...was it ever feel the love of my fathere? Or was I just a ther...it was too late. It was stranger with his look and never meant to be, I name....was that the only thought. The doctor said bond that was between us? that Sam had a mild heart I was just a five year old attack but he was resting when he left...how could comfortably. They were he do this to me? Why? going to take some more Was I not cute enough for tests to determine if there him? Didn’t guilt tug at his was any damage to his heart? How could he leave heart. With a sigh of relief, me for so many years and I thanked the doctor and not want to keep in touch? was about to enter Sam’s Was he afraid to contact room when I heard someme? Or...is it that he just one say, “Susan, where are didn’t care. Face the facts, you”? I looked at Sam and I thought, he just didn’t noticed that his eyes were care. But what about the opening wide and his lips day I saw that pain in his were moving. eyes? Was I imagining it or “I’m here, Dad,” I was it for real? I was con- said. “I’m here”. Tears fused...did he feel the same were flowing from Sam’s hurt and hunger for love eyes and he beckoned me from a child who was also to him. defenseless and yearning “I’m hurting”, he for her Dad’s love? It did- said pointing to his heart. n’t matter. I loved my Dad “You’ll be all with no restrictions or ha- right, Dad, don’t tred. How could I hate him worry...I’ll be here”. when he had reached botSam looked at me tom with no way of climb- and I could see the pain ing out of his lowly exis- through his eyes. But this tence? time, he reached out for my I went to visit hand and I felt the love and Sam, one Sunday morning, warmth from him. but he was not waiting for There was a bond me. Surprising, I thought. between us now...we were He was always waiting for one. Sam knew I had me but not today. I went walked the same road as he into the administrator’s but only by the grace of office and asked for Sam. God....did I take another Sam had fainted and was route. I was him...the genrushed to the hospital by tle soul who would rather ambulance. I was fran- not compete with the realitic...was it serious? I was ties of life. But there was (Continued from page 8)
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one difference...I made a stand....he didn’t. He was a brilliant young man with many aspirations who was wellread but little formal education. He was aware of the inequities of life but what good was it to be aware if you weren’t willing to fight to even out these inequities? Sam couldn’t support the many mouths that needed feeding. He did not have the skills to match his intelligence. He refused to be part of the working mass and pay his dues for a better tomorrow. He wanted it then and not later...so he decided to leave, fend for himself and maybe someday, he would have enough for all of them. But that never happened....he ended up in a mental institution....for Sam did not have the drive or the example that I had. Sam has never told me that he loved me but since that day in the hospital, I didn’t need to hear it anymore. Sam needed me and that was enough...the tears in his eyes told me the story. He was no longer emotionless and uncaring because I placed my loving hand into his heart and pulled out a tear. Sam is still a recluse and talks to no one unless he has to do so. But with me, there is no need to talk. His eyes brighten and widen with the sound of my name and presence. “Susan, is that you”? “Yes, Dad, I’m here, I’ll always be here”. As he leans towards me to plant a kiss on my cheek, I know we are one forever. P.S. Sam has since died since this article was written. Before my Dad died, he was in a coma for many days. During my visits at the hospital, I continually spoke to him...telling him that he was on his way to a better place and that his life was not in vain. My mother had passed away six months prior and it was obvious to me that she was there with me in the room...waiting for him. My father had such a peaceful look on his face during this time as if he was listening and hearing me...and loving me. I would hold his hand and there was a faint
feeling of pressure from his hand to mine...to tell me that he was listening. That weekend of his death, my husband and I had to fly to New York on Friday. My Dad died Saturday and we returned home that Sunday evening. We were informed of his death that Saturday so we knew that my goodbyes were said on the last time I visited him. On my answering tape, there was a faint whisper of my name, Susan, and then silence. I turned to my husband and asked him, who did that sound like? He said that was your father. How could that be... he was in a coma when he died on Saturday. “Maybe he awoke from the coma and called before he died”. That was impossible...I knew my Dad could never recover...the body was shutting down but he waited till I was out of sight to die. I saved the tape by turning it over on the machine so my two brothers would hear it when they arrived for the funeral on Tuesday. Meanwhile, a dear friend of mine who had known my Dad and visited him with me on several occasions heard the tape and also confirmed the voice of my Dad. I called the hospital to verify if he had ever gained consciousness before he died. They said no. My brothers arrived and I played the tape
for them. There was nothing on the tape...nothing...I so wanted them to hear what I had heard. But, I believe to this day, my father meant it for my ears only not for others in my family...even though my friend and husband had heard it...probably for confirmation for me. It was gone... but it still rings true in my head...I can still hear that faint voice saying my name...when the physical plane could not do it for him...he found a way...to tell me he loved me and to tell me...goodbye....I will miss you.. I have learned much from my Dad...realizing that as a young man he was very idealistic and saw the world in how he would have liked it to be...like most of us...when we are in our youth. He had married at a young age with no formal skills to match the need to feed his young wife and the four children they had together through the ensuing years. He just never learned that society demands that your skills will determine your financial success and it doesn’t take into account what your needs may be...and rightly so.... I do believe that he did care but caring “goes out the window” when you realize that you can’t be responsible for more than you are capable of achieving at the (Continued on page 10)
The Voice of the Homeless
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HOMELESSVOICE
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time...but with hard work and perseverance...it may be an achievement in the future. So....escape is one avenue or mechanism that is within our grasp. Saving ourselves is first on our list and so it was with Sam. He attempted to be responsible for himself but to no avail. Guilt must have played an important part in his psyche...but he encapsulated himself in the reality that he had to take care of himself and no one else mattered until he was mentally capable. In one of our conversations, my Dad admit-
ted the loneliness he felt through the years by himself...wandering as a homeless...all those years ...walking and talking to no one...and no one caring for him. No one to come home to...no one to love and love him. Tears flow from my eyes ....knowing that I would have loved to have him love me and love him back...if only.... I have seen his surroundings...in New York...a room smaller than the smallest bathroom...big enough for a cot...his shabby clothing lying in the middle of this abyss.
How do people accept this? They have lost all their self-esteem and believe that they are no better than what they have...and maybe even thinking that the ones they were forced to leave behind don’t care for them. How does one go about their day...knowing that there is no place to go...no one to love...no one to come home to...and no one that cares? My heart cries for him....imagining my father walking the streets with no one there for him ... not even a hug or a smile....all those years. Sam died a peace-
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ful death and I very rarely think of him or even miss him. I know his purpose on this earth was to teach us that we must try everyday to be the best we can and work towards some wonderful goals that will give us the love and warmth that we all need. And...even though escape may be something we flirtingly think of...we dismiss that notion quickly. Today...though...I
do cry for him and I do miss him...and my heart loves him more than ever for being my teacher...and sacrificing his soul and his life so that we all may learn from him and his giving example. - BY SUSAN SHABEL
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Dear Friends: As you can see we are almost there. Please reach out to your friends this month and every month and try to network and let us all reach a goal of getting our friends to burn this mortgage. Please make sure when you send in you checks that you use the P.O. Box address (below) so it does go into the building fund. I am so tired, very tired and it becomes harder and harder each day. As I try to expand out to other projects there is only one of me. Please remember you can also go to www.homelessvoice.org and make a Pay Pal donation. In fact you can also download our current issue for free or make a $1.00 donation to get the download. You have the option of getting it for free or making a dollar donation, this way if you have a friend who does not want to help the homeless maybe giving him or her an issue for free will change their minds. I am sure you know that many of our friends and families stereotype the homeless as lazy bums. Remind them that the homeless created this paper, the homeless bring this paper to thousands monthly by working hard and hot days. In fact the homeless run the busiest shelter in the community. They are not lazy bums at all..... If you can't help us, pray for us and no matter what I know if you are praying we will burn these mortgage papers. Please remember if we had 554 churches to each raise a $1000.00 that would be the fastest way to get this place paid off. Go to your church leaders and ask them to help us by doing one special collection at the end of service. After all, this is one of the places where the churches send their homeless to. We need their help more than ever now. We all are so very much tired, just not me and we need you even more than before.
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Volume VIII, Issue 7
HOMELESSVOICE
(Continued from page 7)
rants every day, he became an advocate for the people. “Someone has to inform people and the families of the dangers that await them when they dine out,” he said. Just as you do Richard took it for granted that going out for a meal was a formality, but after working in the business he learned just how much more to serving a meal there was. I am not going to tell you horror stories. I will leave that type of writing to Steven King, but even he would think twice about where he eats out after reading my book. So, Richard found a publisher and wrote the book, Restaurants: It’s A Dirty Business; Everything you need to know on how to protect yourself from the behind the scenes dangers of dining out. “The restaurants and their workers aren’t going to look after you,” Richard emphatically states over and over in the book. You need to take your own precautions and become educated on what to look for and what to do to ensure as safe a dining experience possible for you and your family. The book is a hand guide or first aid kit for your protection. Many people do not realize what really takes place in these kitchens. You have all seen those hidden camera, undercover exposé’s by the major news programs. Unfortunately, what they discover is nothing compared to the magnitude of the problem. Here is a mind blowing statistic that he mentions in one of the chapters. 20% of
all food-borne illness takes place when you cook at home; 80% of all foodborne illness takes place when you dine out. You know nothing about restaurant sanitation and proper food handling and these so called paid trained professionals know everything, so how does this happen? Believing they are trained is your first mistake and thinking they give a damn about your health is your second and most fatal mistake. The book gives you all the ammunition you need to fight the war against poor food handling by employees, improper and lack of sanitary conditions, and the nonexistence of concern on the part of the managers and employees of these restaurants. Being a homeless person does not mean you are uneducated or without skills. Many of us at the shelter were executives, stock brokers, mortgage loan officers and other highly respected professionals who fell to unfortunate circumstances. If you differ in opinion than read Richards book; go to your favorite restaurant and do as he suggests in the chapter dealing with testing the manager and requesting the inspection sheets. You will then see that this “homeless man” knows more about this industry than the team of “professionals who are poisoning you and your children every minute of every day.” Read the book and you will thank this “homeless guy” for saving your child’s life. When you go out to eat you want to feel safe. Richard is giving you all the tools to make sure that happens. This article just as the title of the book portrays has a double meaning. You have a certain
perception of restaurants which will hopefully change after becoming educated, and you have a negative perception of the homeless which absolutely must change after reading the book and this article. Oh and by the way; Richard has just signed a contract for a second book to be published. Not bad for a “bum.” -Mark Targett
You can get a copy of this book by going to www.publishamerica.com. In the upcoming months you will be able to go to other web sites such as Barnes and Noble.
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