Honi Soit - Week 1, Semester 1, 2012 by David Mack

HONISOIT

20 12

Week One March 7

The Land of the Rich:

Money and power in the USA

The science of online lectures: who needs them?

Super Tuesday: better than cheap Tuesday

Mormons: could one be President?

CAMPUS

NEWS

TABOO

Contents

This Week

8 The Third Drawer 10 Taboo 11 Profile

Connie Ye sands off the rusty coathanger for Ron Paul

What is Mormonism, exactly? Natasha Burrows answers your fiery questions

3 4 6 7

Spam

Jim Cronshaw wants donuts, dammit, and Angus Reoch writes in from the UK

Campus News Catrina Yu gives us pause for thought on the necessity of staff cuts at Sydney University

News Review Our special coverage of this week’s Super Tuesday festivities in the Republican race

Hannah Ryan talks to human rights lawyer George Newhouse

Money and politics in the land of the rich Felix Donovan on what is really at stake in the US Republican primaries

14 16

Culture Vulture

Editors: James Alexander, Hannah Bruce, Bebe D’Souza, Paul Ellis, Jack Gow, Rosie Marks-Smith, James O’Doherty, Kira Spucys-Tahar, Richard Withers, Connie Ye Reporters: Rafi Alam, Ben Brooks, Christopher J. Browne, Natasha Burrows, Jackson Busse, Matthew Clarke, Michael Coutts, Fabian Di Lizia, Felix Donovan, James Ellis, Nick Findlater, Neha Kasbekar, Rob North, Justin Penn, Angus Reoch, Nick Rowbotham, Hannah Ryan, Sertan Saral, Reuben Stone, Joseph Wang, Zanda Wilson, Catrina Yu Contributors: Jake Nicol

Illustrations: Erin Rooney

Christopher J. Browne gives us the low-down on Windows 8

QRReader App is free for iPhone

Ben Brooks laments our political discourse

WED

Editor in Chief: Michael Koziol

Tech & Online

Gillard and Abott go at it.

Planner

The Back Page

Crossword: Paps

Clive Palmer bought off Richard Withers

Rafi Alam smokes one for the team

Lecture Notes

Justin Penn considers the importance of art criticism

17 Action-Reaction 18 The Sandstone Report 19 SRC Pages

Op-Shop

22 23

Comics and Cartoons: Nina Ubaldi

Cover: James Alexander Advertising: Tina Kao and Amanda LeMay publications.manager@src.usyd.edu.au www.src.usyd.edu.au / www.honisoit.com

Disclaimer: Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney, NSW, 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Rafi Alam, Peta Borella, Michael de Waal, Raihana Haidary, Jeremy Leith, Leo Nelson, Astha Rajvanshi and Max Schinter. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. Printed by MPD, Unit E1 46-62 Maddox St. Alexandria NSW 2015.

Honi’s Guide to what’s on THU

FRI

Super Tuesday Results - Live Coverage 10:30am - 7:30pm, Manning Bar, FREE

Beat the System Launch Night 5pm, Hermann’s, FREE

The Merchant of Venice 8pm, Genesian Theatre

Get your fill of the primary elections with live screening of US media coverage on the big screen in Manning followed by a Q&A discussion of the day’s events by an expert panel. Then keep kicking on with a US elections trivia extravaganza!

Thrown by Beat the System with FlairSoc, Movers & Shakers and Brewsical, this C&S extravaganza is sure to please all fans of alcoholic fun times. Feat local bands The Nectars, Sean Ryan and Beat the System resident DJs.

Student $20

Project 52 - Sydney Uni Standup Comedy 7pm, Hermann’s Bar, ACCESS $5/Gen $10

SUBSKI SALT SAND & SNOW Party 7pm, Cargo Bar, Member $10+bf/Gen $15+bf

The home of campus comedy is back, bigger and better than ever! Come see some new faces and old favourites getting their funny on.

Look, if you like drunkenly hitting on Jäger girls all night and going home alone then put on your bestest singlet top and head on down. Or you could stay at home.

SAT

SU N

Future Music Festival

Movie & Meal at Govinda’s 2pm, Govinda’s, Darlinghurst, $30

Student Campus Forum

Look it’s pretty amazing, an all you can eat buffet and a wide range of films. On this particular day they have The Descendants, The Iron Lady, We Need to Talk about Kevin and Australia’s Silent Film Festival to choose from. Amazing!

A discussion of the recent job cuts, course cuts and budget cuts, by Usyd Students Against Cuts.

12pm - 11pm, Randwick Racecourse, $160 Pingers! Feat Swedish House Mafia, New Order, Die Antwoord.

The Importance of Being Earnest 2pm and 7pm, The Cellar Theatre $2 SUDS/$3 ACCESS/$4 non-ACCESS student

Check out the first SUDS production of the semester. Running for only 5 shows, the last two on Saturday.

Check out this tiny theatre just around the corner from Town Hall, with excellent fake stained glass windows. Also keep an eye out for former King of SUDS, Andy Fraser.

BludLust Presents: ScotDraukula 9pm, Fbi Social, Kings Cross, $10 Little Creatures and Fbi Social are putting on one hectic night, with free, I repeat, FREE, Little Creatures and Pipsqueak cider for all those early eager beavers. Plus heaps of good music.

N MO S TUE

Retro Double Feature - Dirty Dancing & The Princess Bride 7pm - 10pm, Hayden Orpheum, $20

Sword fights, camping, kissing and dancing. Perhaps not in this order, these films are a must see for any fan of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Smiths or anything 80’s related.

honi soit

O P i cukr

@honi_soit

Mon, 3:30pm, New Law 024, FREE

Raw Comedy Semi Finals Tues, 8pm, The Comedy Store, Moore Park $15/$20+bf

With hundreds of contestants from across the city this event will feature the best up and comers that Sydney has to offer including a couple of Uni personalities.

Spam LETTERS

Glazed and Confused Jim Cronshaw

Science(Hons)/Arts VII I’m guessing that condescending and unfriendly administrative assistants (among others) are part of the reason that first year university students are so intimidated by their first year experience. Sorcha ought to take on board the advice that not everyone shares her godly levels of wisdom and that a lot of the university procedures she peddles are either legitimately confusing, or outright moronic (e.g the timetable system). Allow me to move onto the meat of my letter. WHERE IS DONUT KING?! I’ve engaged in a rather sleuthy private investigation on the matter of the whereabouts of my favourite puffy pastry peddling people, and have received three different replies. The union originally claimed that there was a disagreement between the franchisee and the franchisor. Donut King then told me that the lease expired and had thus closed. The Union then gave me another explanation which involved increased prices (which they have subsequently deleted from their Facebook where I posted it). Because I’m a shy little flower I don’t have the balls to actually ring the number on the front of the Donut King shop, so I write to invite fellow Honi readers to help me with the matter of this investigation. WHERE IS DONUT KING?! LETS GET IT BACK!! Because one thing is for sure: No-one wants to pay the extra 50c or whatever it is to receive

a smaller, shittier cup of coffee without donuts, and with the level of staff service one would expect from, for instance, a university administration assistant such as Sorcha McGee.

Kind, uncaffeinated regards, Jim

EDITORIAL

Congratulations, but...

Too scared to write my name in case you come after me next Arts III (that’s generic enough to conceal my identity) Congratulations on being elected as the 2012 Honi Editors! I followed your election campaign with vigor. Each promise you issued, idea you suggested and obscure display you caged caught my full attention. It is then needless to say, given how closely I followed your election, that your first edition was full of surprises. Remind me; when did you promise to become narcissist, cruel, arrogant editors intent on printing vengeful and slanderous material. Was it the hidden text in the Ellis coffee marathon? Your content is good, your layout is simple, clean and engaging, you are each individually talented and colorful and so, I expect you to create a great Honi. If you plan to continue to sink your presumably capable teeth (it’s a Zoo reference) into something a little edgy please pick the right battles. Don’t slander individuals or groups of individuals who ran campaigns against you because yours is the only pen on the paper.

For those who experienced the manic trespasses of last year’s SRC election campaign, you might recall the common promise of the two presidential frontrunners: online lecture recordings. This week’s Honi Soit details a new study, being undertaken by researchers at this university, as to whether this “advancement” actually improves learning or not. One thing this newspaper cannot support, however, is the destruction of the sort of campus culture only the University of Sydney can sustain. The milieu you experienced at orientationweek is under threat if we collectively discourage students from actually showing up on-campus. These policies, while ostensibly liberating, will surreptitiously eat away at campus life by encouraging people to miss lectures. How viable will a VegeSoc lunch stall be, for example, if a further 20% of gender studies students stay at home? This is not the direction to go in. The United States, the focus of this edition of Honi Soit, still lays claim to the best education system in the world. That is, in part, due to the role education plays in the national psyche, manifesting itself in the on-campus experience. Over there, education is a motivator, not a hurdle requirement. It prompts people as young as 17 to pack up and move across the nation, not just show

CORRESPONDENCE Exchange is a university rite of passage, writes Angus Reoch in Bristol After having been at Bristol for over a month now, people have been asking me what it’s like studying in a foreign place, and particularly what the culture of Bristol and the UK itself is like, aside from the warm beer. If, like me, you think the world revolves around Sydney Uni (and particularly if you’re an Arts student), it’s hard to imagine any place being more hipster. That is unless you end up studying at the University of Bristol, home to the largest population of Oxbridge rejects in the country, where everyone rolls their own “fags”, speaks in comically posh accents (save for the locals who sound like pirates), drinks unbelievably cheap vodka, and where the hottest clubbing night is more likely to be a Monday than a Friday. For a yuppie such as myself, hanging out with people who had never drunk a cocktail before (although this has since been rectified) came as a bit of a shock. Part of the difference in culture stems from the fact that Bristol is a genuine student city. Like the US, most students here move away from home to study. Unlike Sydney, where the majority of

When I first started at Sydney University as a media student with 12 contact hours a week, I was told “university fits around your life”. But in the US, university is your life. You live there. Your friends, newspapers, food, and entertainment are all there. Universities are self-sufficient communities. Below you will read correspondence from Bristol, one of the United Kingdom’s prized college towns. We hope it will give you some pause for thought as to how different, and how important, the university lifestyle can be. Sydney has at least some rudimentary features of the American model. We have a large college presence which, troubling though it may be at times, is ultimately a force for good. We try to keep the flame of student media burning. And there is no shortage of students to populate this sprawling campus. If you count post-graduates (let’s, for argument’s sake), we have 50,000. But we missed the chance to rebel against dull Australian suburbanism and insist upon college residencies. How much better this place would be were it not, for most, merely a resented pit-stop en route to a career. And it’s a pity.

Michael Koziol

Graphite

us are still beneficiaries of our mothers’ loving care, most UK students are forced to become independent and extremely frugal with cash. Very few live more than half an hour’s walk from the university. Pubs charging more than three quid for a pint are rarely visited, save for the famous cider pub, the Cori Tap, which features a house brew sometimes measuring up to 15% alcohol. Which is another point: everyone here drinks cider. But being confounded by these experiences is part of the whole process of going on exchange – absorbing a new culture and expanding your understanding of the world. The parts that shock and annoy you often end up becoming the parts that are most endearing. Case in point: experiencing the delight of successfully rolling my own tobacco, or going to a club and for once actually enjoying it. When they say that exchange is “a once-ina-lifetime experience” or that “you’ll never be the same again”, it’s not because every day overseas is an amazing adventure: far from it. It’s because you get a new lease on life, a new way to experience the world, far beyond a regular semester at your own university, no matter how dripping in hipsters it may be.

up at their local institution. It’s where campus radio thrives and college sports rivalries consume entire lives, not to mention the prime-time schedule.

RETWEETS #HONI #USYD Woroni @Woroni

Bull Magazine @USUBullMagazine -

3:50 PM - 17 Feb

5:09 PM - 2 Mar

We are at war?! We’ll start fortifying the dingy demountable and arming the ducklings ASAP #WarHoni

O-Week? More like... Eau-Week. Because of all the water. It’s a funny. We made a funny.

Adam Chalmers @adam_chal 1:01 PM - 24 Feb

Arghya Gupta @argsyd

“2012 is about changing the mindset from ‘surviving’ to ‘doing it better’” - Andrew Woodward, USU CEO.

The only people who enjoy mardi GRAS are gays and happy people.

6:36 PM - 3 Mar

#usuboard

facebook.com/honisoitsydney

honi soit

Campus News WEEKLY NEWS

RESEARCH SPOTLIGHT

Study returns spotlight to lecture recording

upward bias. “We are examining students’ perceptions of their own learning, their raw marks, their attendance and analysing a mid-semester multiple choice questionnaire,” she said.

Fabian di Lizia would rather not get out of bed early Last year the struggle to increase the number of lectures recorded online polarised the campus. Headed primarily by the SRC campaign, the movement was met with conflicting attitudes from various lecturers, with evidence on the benefits of recorded lectures more emotional than empirical. Three academics decided to run a fully-fledged inquiry. Dr Anna Boucher (Government), Dr Lynne Chester (Political Economy), and Nicholas Bromfield (Government) recently completed their first of three years of research on the impact of recorded lectures on learning. Dr Boucher used GOVT1104 participants as a sample of students who did not have access to recorded lectures, while students in the same subject this year will have access. Dr Chester is completing the same process with her ECOP1101 students this year. The study will analyse the data and compare how well students learnt with and without online access to lectures.

SRC President Phoebe Drake said she was interested in the outcomes of the study, but maintained that recorded lectures were an imperative for students. “I think [the study] is unnecessary. At the end of the day students want and need recorded lectures,” she said. The study differs from others by analysing the impact of recorded lectures on learning (marks, perceptions of learning surveys) as well as on attendance. It focuses on social sciences rather than natural sciences, which is where most research has been conducted to date. The validity of the research will likely increase with the study taking place over three years and two units of study. However only students who elect to take part in the study are examined, causing potential issues of upward bias with only stronger students choosing to take part in the survey. Dr Boucher said the study uses various measures to avoid

A Corporation By Any Other Name Catrina Yu definitely works for the man In November 2011 amid the end of semester celebrations, the Vice Chancellor serendipitously announced that despite recording high end-of-year profits, the University was to “reconsider” up to 340 jobs. The performance of academic staff was to be solely assessed by the number of ‘outputs’ published within an arbitrary time frame with those not fulfilling their quota placed on a ‘hit-list’. A recent leaking of the “list” (the existence of which is disputed) in The Drum revealed some interesting names, almost all of whom are National Tertiary Education Union Members. It remains unclear how the ‘performance’ of administrative staff will be quantitatively assessed. At such moments of unanimous outrage, let us consider some similar examples. Within the past few months, ANZ openly announced that profits come first, and its employees, somewhere further down the list. Their unwillingness to risk any marginal portion of their $24.3 billion profit recorded in 2011 seemed to fit the preconceived reputation of its corporate image. Fellow

financial institutions such as Westpac in preparation for slowing growth announced that 560 positions were likely to be culled. Although those directly affected were rightfully outraged, commentators and the general public were less emotive in their response, describing the circumstances as ‘unfortunate’. Given the current financial climate, many deemed the move ‘understandable’. Unfortunately it seems that in the realm of tertiary education, the image of academic benevolence the universities attempt to foster are in tension with its ‘strategic plan’ of widening its profit intake. Strategic plans, annual reports and by-laws entrench the operations of tertiary education providers in a safe corporate model where “teaching” is, on the surface, respected but in reality incidental. Now academic communities at many universities are stifled in a daze of mixed messages. In a push by students, petitions are emerging in attempts to save individual staff members. Blogs are inundated with disgust at the actions of the VC as negative PR for the University

“I made the promise to work towards ensuring all lectures are recorded because it’s a matter of equity. It’s hugely important for a diverse range of reasons,” she said. “Students with disabilities need access to recorded lectures; it is also extremely beneficial to international students and students whose first language is not English.” Yet Drake highlighted the importance of working with academics. “There is no point working towards change, without trying to bring people along with you,” she said. This reporter is on Twitter: @the_rovingeye

has never been this actively robust. In contrast however, the public adoption of business models by large corporations have been rewarded by public resignation and apathy. To be fair to the University, it is no secret when hiring academics (on the contrary, it is made painfully explicit) that employees must contribute extensively to research in their respective fields as well as executing a host of other teaching duties. Unfortunately the façade of University as a teaching institution may have misled potential employees and students as to the primary purpose of this multi-billion dollar business. Should the university base their operations on what the academics and students want when they can adhere to the large corporation business model they so easily fall under? It is clear that staff and students must look beyond any idealized perceptions of the ‘University’ to the purpose of the university as a business. There must be a prioritized effort to understand why the institution that has evolved (for better or for worse). The alternative result may be the complete exclusion of those who have the highest stake in this game from an increasingly one-sided dialogue.

Architecture angles for funding increase Notes on a scandal with James Ellis

It has been an interesting summer in the Faculty of Architecture. Late last year, around 100 letters were sent to prospective students of the University of Sydney, guaranteeing them a place within the Faculty if they named it as their first preference. However only the University Admissions Centre (UAC) is able to make an official offer to students. The University can only advise them about the likelihood of receiving an offer. Yet a small number of students who received these letters were unable to be offered a place at all. A spokesman for the University pointed out that they brought the matter to the attention of UAC, and has “put in place an agreed strategy for the Dean to withdraw the offers in writing to all the students originally contacted”. UAC was satisfied, and no action was taken. Why were students sent these letters? Those selected were non-school-leavers who had achieved an impressive enough university academic record to supersede their ATAR. These students had already proven themselves at university and if they had all been accepted, the ATAR entry requirement would have increased. This would have made the University seem a more desirable place to study architecture, attracting students from competing universities. With Commonwealth Supported Places uncapped following the 2008 Review of Australian Higher Education, every university is looking to attract as many students as possible to their institution to receive the accompanying funding. This means an extra $9,142 from the government per architecture student. Considering the University intends to cut staff salary expenditure by 7.5 per cent, the increased student to staff ratio adversely affect classes. In the end, the Faculty of Architecture’s display of initiative simply resulted in a less than covert attempt to secure course funding before the start of a new semester. Got news? Contact Honi Soit: honisoit2012@gmail.com twitter.com/honi_soit facebook.com/honisoitsydney

Words with Friends

What are you going to do with your free Access condom? PADDY PHYSICS PHD

“I’d use it as a balloon. Full of custard.”

honi soit

LINDA MECO III, O-WEEK DIRECTOR “I’d probably use them as party decorations. It’s a shame there aren’t more to be used as water balloons.”

ANGUS ARTS IV “Fill it with lighter fluid and set it alight a la an IRA bomb.”

@honi_soit

YASMINE ARTS II “With this great weather, I’d wear it over my head. Use it as a rain hat.”

Campus News HONI TAB

HONILEAKS All your university gossip, rumours, allegations and revelations with Paul Ellis and Kira Spucys-Tahar

EGS in the Mix Rumours that Sydney Arts Students Society (SASS) Publications Director and 3rd year Arts student, Eleanor Gordon-Smith will run for Union Board have proved accurate. Gordon-Smith confirmed to Honi Soit she would run this year. “I haven’t decided yet who I’ll be running with but there are number of people for me to choose from,” she said. “There are a few people I have close relationships with.” The two obvious possibilities are current USU Honorary Treasurer Rhys Pogonoski and current Honorary Secretary Jacqui Munro, both of whom are close friends of Gordon-Smith. The former Tuesday Talks convenor will draw on a debating base. She will

Does SASS have all its EGS in one basket?

also presumably use connections from her role with the Sydney Arts Students Society, though she won’t be the only one. At this stage it looks like at least three of the current SASS executive will be running for Board. Gordon-Smith tried to downplay her ambition saying, “There is a genuine chance I’ll decide I hate elections too much to run.”

Morris Bows Out During O-week rumoured Union Board candidate Hannah Morris confided in friends she will not be running in the 2012 elections. Morris started her JD this year and will likely be concentrating on her studies. One of this year’s USU Campus Culture directors, Morris will also be busy dedicating her time to SASS in her role as Socials Director.

Tang Take Two? Confidants of former board director Ben Tang have been spruiking a possible second bite at the cherry this year. Tang was forced off the USU Board last year after it was shown he had breached the spending cap during his election campaign. Tang has told Honi Soit the rumours are completely untrue.

USA Elections Republican Nominees Mitt Romney $2.00 Rick Santorum $2.35 Newt Gringrich $5.40 Ron Paul $6.22 Kermit the frog $11.15 Donald tRUMP $80.60 -------------------Barack Obama Re-election $1.80 -------------------Civil War in USA $109.25

textbooks

CHEAP!

Don’t pay full price for textbooks... buy them at SRC books.

• • •

We buy & sell textbooks according to demand You can sell your books on consignment. Please phone us before bringing in your books. We are open to USYD students & the public

Search for text books online www.src.usyd.edu.au/default.php Call 02 9660 4756 to check availability and reserve a book.

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NEW Location! Level 4, Wentworth Bldg (Next to the International Lounge) Hours: Mondays to Fridays 9am - 4.30pm Phone: (02) 9660 4756 Email: books@SRC.usyd.edu.au

honi soit

News Review SUPER TUESDAY

The Good, the Bad and the Lobbies

Real American politics is almost as interesting as in The West Wing, writes Jake Nicol There’s never a dull moment in American politics. Millions are spent on ad campaigns that look like Hollywood film trailers and dirty tactics are part of everyday life. In 2000, the outrageous claim that John McCain’s adopted Bangladeshi daughter was in fact his love child was circulated. Then in 2008 when trying to downplay his religion, Mormon holiday cards were sent anonymously on behalf of Mitt Romney throughout South Carolina: a deeply Christian State. So far we’ve seen a long list of candidates fall to the pressures of the Republican primaries. Who could forget the fiery Michelle Bachmann, who after winning the Iowa Straw Poll choked under the pressures of the national spotlight, realising that she quite literally bit off more than she could chew. How then does a mere mortal candidate survive the process and become their party’s nominee? Money helps. But candidates also have to win votes. In order to secure the Republican nomination, a candidate must win 1,144 delegates. A state’s population determines the number of delegates they receive, whilst delegates are awarded to

candidates through either a Primary or Caucus. In almost all states voters need to be registered with the political party in whose Primary or Caucus they intend to participate. In a Caucus, voters attend a designated meeting place within their precinct, such as a church or school, where they form groups determined by which candidate they support. Caucus voters are then given the chance to win over the undecided individuals. Delegates are then determined by the amount of votes each candidate receives. The process differs slightly depending on the state, but this is more or less the general procedure. In a Primary, voters simply turn up at a designated polling station and cast their vote. The 2010 Supreme Court ruling known as ‘Citizens United’ further complicated the election process. This ruling enabled corporations, union groups and wealthy individuals to make unlimited donations to Political Action Committees known as Super-PACs. Super-PACs are banned from directly coordinating with specific campaigns. So although they can endorse candidates; they can’t talk to them. In January, ‘Restore Our Future’ a pro-Romney Super-PAC spent

$14 Million attempting to destroy the Gingrich through negative advertising. On the other side, ‘Winning Our Future’, a pro-Gingrich Super-PAC, received $10 Million from Nevada Casino magnate Sheldon Adelson and his Wife. Adelson is expected to donate another $10 million purely to block the rise of Rick Santorum. Even comedian Stephen Colbert has a Super-PAC, which to date has raised $1 million. In the race for the Republican nomination for President, Super Tuesday stands apart as the most significant date in the primaries. On this day 466 delegates will be up for grabs in eleven states. To help decipher the massive event, the US Studies Centre (USSC) will be hosting live coverage at Manning from 10:30am this Wednesday as well as a lunchtime discussion panel with ABC NewsRadio host John Barron. And if you fancy yourself a bit of a US politics nerd the USSC will also be hosting a trivia competition and keynote speech from former NSW Premier and USSC Board Director Bob Carr going late into the night. For more primary info or to register for the event you can check out uselectionwatch12.com.

Previously on... the 2012 Republican primaries

March 6th was Super Tuesday. If the whole ‘primaries’ and ‘caucus’ and ‘election’ talk gets you SuperConfused, fear no more.

Super Tuesday: the super process, by Nick Findlater

There’s still a long way to go before November, writes Sertan Saral I hate trying to predict presidential elections. The elections aren’t until November, and the reality of electoral politics is that any number of surprising things can happen between now and then. Most victories and defeats in electoral politics appear inevitable in hindsight, especially when certain clusters of predictions are eventually proved correct. And finally, when you factor in the incentive that the media has for overblowing conflict, you’re left with a gluttonous landscape that can ensnare you and from which it is hard to step back. So in lieu of a prediction, here is what you need to know to be up to speed with the Republican primaries. If we consider the field of candidates from before the primaries began until now, the overarching narrative that emerges is a fight for attention between the moderate and fringe voices in the Republican Party, and by extension, a question of what it means to be an American conservative. The Tea Party movement became a major force in American right wing politics when it helped regain the majority for the Republicans in the House of Representatives in the 2010 congressional elections. They’ve now kind of fizzled out, but their legacy is the confused anger – occasionally rage – at government coming out of Republicans. The question of the past several months, then, seems to be whether the momentum of this anger from the right can carry over in the Republican primaries and through to the general election at a national level. The short answer seems to be no, but: while certain candidates who can be said to represent the legacy of that movement are gaining na-

honi soit

tional attention in these primaries, they have yet to prove themselves capable of attracting national votes. The long answer is a bit more complicated.

precisely why he loses if he goes up against Barack Obama, but statements like that make it impossible for Santorum to be a viable national candidate.

The current frontrunner, former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney, seems to owe his popularity to being appealing to the broadest cross-section of the Party’s most active supporters. That’s in spite of his occasional tone-deafness when it comes to his wealth. For example, when asked recently whether he was a fan of NASCAR, he said that while he doesn’t follow NASCAR “as closely as some of the most ardent fans,” he has “some friends who are NASCAR team owners”. Mistakes like these have haunted his campaign and made it easier for more conviction-filled, angrier candidates like archconservative Rick Santorum, the former senator from Pennsylvania, to gain traction and make victory for Romney that much less certain.

The other two candidates nipping at Romney’s heels are Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and Representative from Texas Ron Paul. Despite the damage they were doing to Mitt Romney’s campaign (especially in January), like Santorum, neither of these two have the same national appeal as Romney. As much as Gingrich presents himself as a reformed Catholic (he converted in 2009) and expresses weak remorse over his past adulterous behaviour, he will only have marginally increased support from women. That being said, I suspect he’s locked down the pro-moon base vote. Ron Paul’s desire to reduce the power of the Executive branch to the lowest it’s been in over 150 years is probably not going to win him any support from either party. It’s especially bizarre how Ron Paul has managed to gain the support of liberals who are willing to compromise on everything else if it means an isolated foreign policy and an end to the war on drugs.

Santorum’s conviction is his most saleable quality as a candidate precisely because it’s a quality that appears absent (or perhaps nascent) in Romney. If Romney had this quality, I’d say this primary would’ve been decided weeks ago. Santorum is able to get away with saying some pretty abhorrent things largely because he says them with such conviction. On Obama’s views on abortion, Santorum had this to say: “I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, ‘no, we [the federal government] are going to decide who are people and who are not people,’” indirectly referring to the superseded three-fifths clause of the US Constitution that said slaves were three-fifths of a person. Romney might be tone-deaf and that might be

So, I hope that was marginally useful. Even though we’re down to four candidates, the field is still eccentric and the Republican Party still can’t shake off the appearance of being dysfunctional – but this is hardly new. Romney is leading, having marginally edged out a win against Santorum in Michigan (Romney’s home state) and thoroughly defeated him in Arizona. At the time of writing, Super Tuesday is coming up and while I don’t think we’ll see any surprises there, I also don’t want people to think I’m making predictions.

@honi_soit

In the preliminary stage, individuals nominate themselves as candidates for their party. Many candidates have previously held government positions. Candidates fund their own nomination campaigns. From January to June in an election year, each US state must hold a primary or a caucus. The endgame is that the American people (in a roundabout way) decide who will represent their party as the Presidential candidate. Delegates (representatives chosen by the people to choose Republican or Democratic nominees) are assigned to candidates proportionally, except in those states where the winning candidate takes all that state’s delegates to the National Convention. At the National Convention (both the Republicans and the Democrats have one), delegates from each state vote according to their state preferences, as determined in the primaries/caucuses. A Presidential candidate is selected. The election campaign is now a two-horse race. The election is held. Voters do not vote for the President per se; rather they choose electors who are “pledged” to a particular candidate. These electors comprise the Electoral College. Again, the College elects the President and Vice-President based on how their states have voted - in most states, the winner of the state popular vote gets all the Electoral College votes in that state. Thus a candidate can become President without winning the overall popular vote nationally (e.g. Bush versus Gore in 2000).

Op-Shop Presidential politics should stay across the Pacific

The PM who became a backbencher. The backbencher who became a Foreign Minister. The Foreign Minister who defied the Party. It’s a tangled web we weave, writes Ben Brooks This week has thrown much light on the difference between Washington and Canberra. With the orgiastic frenzy of Super Tuesday voting in the former and a clandestine caucus vote in the latter, two political parties have tried to settle on their political leaders. One is a primary presidential election, open to all members of the Republican Party. The other is an exclusive ballot among Labor MPs, the result of which flatly contradicted popular opinion polls.

ended on February 27 by frying Kevin’s bacon. That first heady campaign saw politics subtly reoriented around the cult of personality, a vaguely defined image of social progressivism tied inextricably to the benevolent smiley face with the rectangular spectacles. Public perceptions of the office now divorced from constitutional realities, the public laid a claim of ownership to this man, a construction – in part – of populist social media.

To date: a Prime Minister elected by the people was deposed by a political Praetorian Guard, only to be barred by the same from staging a restoration. The Party feels stable, the Pretender secure, but the Third Estate are more than a little confused. It’s ‘We the People’, not ‘We the Caucus’, after all.

By all accounts, Rudd then proceeded to imperialise cabinet and the decision-making process. Policy initiatives were not so unless they were seen to originate from the Prime Minister. Public servants, said Nicola Roxon, would list their preferred policy options midway down the list, Rudd unwilling to endorse a lesser technocrat’s first suggestion. He was elected to lead, not to read.

Except that isn’t, or shouldn’t be. Constitutional pedants may sound paternalistic, but there is much to be said about our Westminster virtues, how they distinguish us from the socialite wallet pageant across the Pacific. In short, primaries are obscenely expensive, demonstrably favour the wealthy, privilege the individual over policy, and thus reduce the consensual, collaborative spirit of government-by-cabinet. Saying that, Australian republicans have thus far shown little appetite for a formal executive presidency. What we must guard against, then, is the rise of an informal presidency, a process – or more accurately, an attitude – which started with Kevin ’07 and

In what turned out to be a pivotal Quarterly Essay, David Marr wrote that the attendant micromanagement made good governance impossible. Rudd’s leadership style was frenetic and heliocentric, the abortive amalgamation of our national health systems ill-informed and poll-driven. Heading a majority government, with an Opposition Leader in principled agreement, Rudd failed too in securing the prompt passage of his Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme. Owning this personality, we felt personally slighted when the party dumped its ineffectual ideologue.

centrality of policy to politics.

Australian parliamentary backbencher

But for all her tragic and faintly embarrassing lack of charisma, the ‘illegitimate’ Gillard has achieved something. A technocrat to the core, she has gingerly seen some key policy pillars through the infertile waste land that is our current and hung parliament: the carbon tax, National Broadband Network and limited health reform. Putative merits aside, they at least gave policy efficacy where there was none, deftness where there was impatient fist banging. As Greece and Italy have only just discovered, a Prime Minister’s popular electability is no substitute for political viability. Most importantly, Gillard had a vision in this most recent spill. Rudd embraced no discernible policy platform. His claim was on the basis of personal popularity. If only indirectly, the caucus’ rejection of this presidential posturing served to diminish the centrality of the leader to the Party, and to preserve the

Indeed, so long as We the People continue to view elections as de facto primary votes for an individual, the tone of political debate will remain personally vindictive, targeted to undermine the credibility of party leaders, to no one’s benefit. ‘Legitimacy’ has claimed a disproportionate amount of airtime. Tony Abbott’s Liberals are seasoned practitioners of this counterproductive and myopic discourse, but only because we choose to look beyond the bespectacled-cum-red-haired face of policy, not at policy itself. Which brings us back to the distinction between, say, Tony Abbott and Newt Gingrich. Abbott was one vote away from being gorged by a climate change realist in his own leadership coup. He is accountable to a broader, less insane network of equally ambitious politicians. He must, eventually, work with them. Gingrich could very well deliver on his promise to suppress the Supreme Court and devote the federal budget to colonising the Moon. Presidents are always more mobilising and attractive; the responsible course is to cede the choice of leader to those with whom that leader must collaborate. The Parties and the Prime Ministry are, mercifully, bigger than any one person. Ben Brooks is banned from the press gallery.

A breath of fresh air or lights out for liberty?

Smoking can be a force for good, so stop sneering and breathe easy. Rafi Alam lets freedom ring Sorry first-year tobacco aficionados – this year Sydney University has gone smoke-free. Further apologies go to returning smokers who had become accustomed to lighting a cigarette on their way to the Woolley Building, taking a smoko break from studying outside the Law Library, or scabbing a few durries outside of Manning. In the name of a “healthy and safe environment” for staff and students, Sydney Uni administration has banned smoking in places other than the ‘Quadrangle & Library Precinct’, the ‘City Road Precinct’, the ‘Blackburn Precinct’ (?), and the ‘Ross St. Precinct’ (??). Oh, and a few places in Darlington too. The University of Sydney Union has also ceased their sale of tobacco. There’s a case to be made for this, of course. Students shouldn’t be made to suffer passive smoking, which is a real issue. It makes your clothes stink, which may or may not be an issue for your professors or tutors. It also kills you. But is that – and I say this without a shred of irony – a reason to ban it? Consider for a moment other things that can kill you. Alcohol. Riding a bike. Driving a car. Heights. Stress.

Burgers. None of which are banned, most of which thrive in a university environment. A bit of a comparative stretch? Perhaps. But the point is that the hysteria over smoking – uniquely, specifically, and strangely only smoking – seeks to marginalise smokers and their odorous lifestyle.

in telling people the risks they take and the consequences they incur? Sure, but need there be more? Need there be regulation, rules, parochial paternalism? Why not let them be. Let people have a burger bursting with calories, abuse their liver with a few drinks, and a cigarette for the denouement.

Smoking is not a silly new fad that aims to destroy your body and nothing else (like ‘ice’). It has a history, is ingrained in culture, and facilitates social intercourse – if not other forms of intercourse. From Freud to Bogart to Churchill to Sartre to Castro to Orwell to Hitchens: politicians, visionaries, writers, entertainers, and more have eased the mind and lingered on their thoughts through the haze of smoke and the hoarse coughs tobacco yields.

Let’s not forget that staff smoke as well, and the only thing worse than a stressed out student who can’t smoke during a break in a two-hour lecture is a stressed out professor who marks your papers.

Smoking can bring people together. Ever heard of a smokers’ caucus? It is when smokers of all ideologies, tendencies, and perspectives get together in union of their filthy habit. It can produce deals, settlements, and friendships. But the crux of an argument against smoking bans is not the artistic and intellectual dimension to smoking. No, it’s that in a free and liberal society, people need to stop trying to save others from themselves. Is there something noble

Second-hand smoking is a more sensitive issue. It is true that people have died from passive smoking. But these are due to long, continuous periods amongst smokers and smoking, not being four metres from them eight minutes a month. Nobody is locking you inside a portaloo with a smoker - if someone lights up nearby you, just move a few metres away. To an extent, the hypochondria over smoking hurts the so-called non-smokers’ rights movement. Marginalising smokers embitters them with spite and resentment, causes (even more) stress, and creates an ‘us vs. them’ social discourse. They become a folk devil, charged with polluting our air and kill-

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ing our children and puppies. Legislation and regulation against smoking makes them a legal minority. Instead of cultivating a culture of etiquette where a smoker can understand when s/he is unable to smoke and can respectfully move away when asked to, we get a culture of entitlement, where non-smokers delegate their responsibility to a higher authority, and instead of engaging with the smoker, they simply sneer. So, if you’re a smoker who doesn’t want to buy an electronic cigarette, or an ally who just really liked Manning Bar when there were revellers on the balcony smoking away as people are wont to do, write a letter to the university or just light one up anyway. Rafi Alam is a joker, he’s a smoker, he’s a mid-night toker.

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The Third Drawer Media BOTCH Jackson Busse for Fairfax, ‘The Cleavage Conundrum” Finding ways to survive tutorials is an essential skill to make it through university. They can be long, dull, and if not prepared, can present a minefield of potential awkwardness. In theory, the rules of a tutorial are much the same as a dinner party. Don’t talk too much, don’t try and outshine the host, and never mention the Holocaust. Pretty simple really. In reality however, a tutorial can go south very quickly. That’s why it’s important to be prepared. To begin with, most tutors are actually PHD students who look about 18. Do not be fooled: they are not fellow students and you should not try to befriend them. They will be offended and you will die of shame. To punish you for not intuiting their genius, they will force you to participate in a cruel and unusual form of punishment known as ‘get-to-know-you-games.’ The golden rule here is: never tell the truth. Say for instance that your favourite television show is Two and a Half Men. This is not a fact that should ever be divulged. Rather, you should lie and tell everyone that you’re really into The West Wing at the moment. This will make you seem like every other person in the tutorial, and your anonymity will remain intact.

Once the tutorial actually starts, you’re probably going to face an even greater problem, namely that you haven’t done the readings. Lucky for you, there’s always one person in every tutorial that has done all the readings, ever. If you don’t know who this person is, try using the word ‘irregardless’ and wait to see who corrects you first. That’s them. This person can cover for you for a while, but eventually you’re going to have to say something in order to get your tute participation mark. The best option here is to wait until someone else says something insightful and then to chime in with a vague affirmation like ‘definitely’ or ‘mmmm.’ Finally, (and this is really the most important rule): get on your tutor’s good side. Not only does this generally make your life easier, it also helps when you want to complain to someone that the people in your group-assessment are stupid and lazy. To be fair, tutorials can actually be extremely useful. Sometimes, dare I say it, they may even be interesting. But chances are at some point in your degree, you’re going to have a horror tute. Following the above steps is a good way to get through it relatively unscarred. Or of course you could just not go at all. Manning anyone?

In breaking news this week, Fairfax writer Samantha Brett has deduced, after what seems to have been years of laborious research, that cleavage is more valuable than a PhD in the workplace. Despite historic fights for equal rights and equal pay, women today have come to the conclusion that Feminism and education are both fucked, and that they should instead trade in their thesis for a push up bra: “despite the fight for equal pay and equal rights, some women (many women) know that a good push-up bra is a better investment than any PhD” – (note that the author’s generalisation is subtly hidden in brackets). To give credence to her findings, Samantha provided a compelling chain of causation:

Samantha Brett - tackling the busty issues

Spread your legs for Ron Paul

Talk of the town

Babies in the state of Texas would froth at the idea of Ron Paul for President, writes Connie Ye The Texan congressman cum obstetrician takes tremendous delight in reminding audiences that he has personally delivered over 4000 babies. Notwithstanding the fact that Paul has peered into at least 2667 vaginas (the rate of C-sections in the US being a third of all deliveries), that’s a heart-warming statistic to reinforce his pro-life stance. His brand of small governing non-interventionist civil libertarianism, which mixes so well with every pot-smoking college freedom fighter’s mug of free trade coffee, falls away with the right-to-choice versus right-to-life argument. Paul hints at the unfortunate possibility that applying the moral quagmire of abortion to real lives could be much more the killing of an innocent life than it is a smiley-face pill that gives you one extra period. Paul’s personal Baptist convictions aside, there’s a rationality in his address of the foetal personhood question. There is little use arguing for universal agreement on the point at which a human life begins. Some think it’s when a drunken couple decide a condom isn’t necessary for making a good night great, others think it’s when ‘it’ develops fingernails ten weeks later. And the prudes, the same ones that make “Saving your first hug for marriage” Facebook pages, think it starts back when the drunken couple meet for the first time in a dimly lit dive bar. Far from chucking in another arbi-

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trary point on the procreation timeline, Paul makes his position absolute. Life begins at conception. Abortion is for individual states to decide, with circumstances to be assessed case by case. As indicia of his determination, Paul attempted to introduce the Sanctity of Life Act four times in the past six years which, if passed, would remove federal court jurisdiction on challenges to state prohibitions on abortion. What’s interesting is that for the past 38 years abortion has been legal in every US state. 1973’s Roe v Wade case (a lady called Norma didn’t want a third mouth to feed) ensured the constitutional right of personal privacy which included the right to an abortion. The 1992 Planned Parenthood v Casey case amended this decision with certain qualifications of fetal viability (ability of the fetus to survive outside the uterus). As such, US law has changed from “you can have an abortion, unless you happen to live in Kentucky and your father is the local pastor” to “you can have an abortion, but only if the fetus is small enough/the product of incest/killing you”. As for Paul himself, he’s given his wife the blessing of pushing out five children. Ron Paul clearly loves the babies, but whether his grandfatherly earnestness is enough to get him over the line is another matter all together. Connie Ye is on Twitter: @_conyewest

Sight of cleavage...shivers in minds and loins of men...conflicting thoughts (“Am I just a hot-blooded male who can’t control his urges?)... Wild fantasies ...Conclusion: that busty woman must get the job. Moreover Samantha, despite not holding a PhD herself, undertook some primary research, tendering irrefutable evidence that men are primitive and over-sexualised beings, incapable of resisting décolletage: “When you see a woman who has loads of cleavage and is a complete bombshell, the chase sets in. You just want to have her. But it doesn’t mean you want a relationship with her. Not at all. It just means you’re going to definitely ask her out and then see if you can have some fun together”.

Abandoning the second airport at Badgerys Creek is just plane common sense, writes Michael Koziol Hands up if you’ve been to Avalon airport. Keep those arms raised if you’ll ever go back. Didn’t think so. If I book a flight to Melbourne, I want to arrive in Melbourne, not at some desolate airstrip an hour and a half away. There’s a reason Jetstar passengers get dumped there: it’s the cheap option, the off-Broadway, the goon of airports, the Vittoria to Tullamarine’s Campos. Nobody likes it, so it’s surprising that so many want to replicate this abomination here in Sydney, at Badgerys Creek. Let me tell you a little about this fine locale. It’s past the M7. It’s approximately the geographic midpoint between Penrith and Macquarie Fields. If you look at it on a map, it’s only notable feature is The Northern Road, which links Narellan (could be a wine?) and Pitt Town Bottoms (hmmm). Now, that’s not prejudice, that’s just observation. The neighbouring precinct is called Leppington, which has a population of about 12. For whatever reason, Barry O’Farrell is building a rail link there. It’s actually quite close to the University of Sydney’s farmland. Yes, it’s amongst cows. And this is where we propose to land hundreds of thousands of interstate and international visitors. This is the first glimpse of Sydney we propose to offer

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them: the barren hopelessness of the far west. From there, it’s a 90-minute motorway traversal toward civilisation (twice that in peak hour), through the scenic delights of Casula and Milperra and Punchbowl. What would be wrong, for instance, with Kurnell? Or the empty fields north of Frenchs Forest? Or space could be made where the Lane Cove National Park currently lies. All of these would be less preferable, of course, to simply expanding the capacity of Sydney Airport. But O’Farrell and Anthony Albanese have foolishly said no to this, fearing as they do the wrath of the villagers under the flight path. Those who can’t accept the realities of city-living should move. There is no role for NIMBYs and small-town types in Sydney. At its root this attitude is borne from intolerance: more flights mean more “others”, possibly black, coming here, taking “our” parking spaces and university places and spots on the beach. Like in so many instances, the ongoing airport debacle is yet another expression of Sydney being stuck between its small-town mindset of yesterday, and its status as an Alpha+ global city. If we can’t welcome more planes without consigning them to the dustbin of the western basin, we don’t deserve that title at all.

The Third Drawer TOP FIVE

Azn photo booth poses!!!!1!1!1! The Weird Ever heard of Zooey Deschanel? Of course you have. She’s like the hottest thing around right now. Also, she’s fucking weird. That’s why she’s hot: weird is the new hot. When choosing your backdrop, pick the most bizarre one you can find, and roll with it. Pimp it out to make it stranger; let your quirks really shine. However, there’s a fine line between weird hot and weird weird. So don’t fuck it up.

The Tear The tear is a perfect way to display your inner complexities in a private moment with you and the booth. Sooo many emotions! You’ll look ridiculously cute with your puppy dog eyes, and because it works so well in close up, it’s very easy to sexify yourself with some extra makeup. (The cheapest eyelash extensions out there!) Unfortunately, it’s not really one you can share with your friends, because ‘the tear’ is truly a window to your own soul.

The Mini Me The greatest thing about this pose is that it’s so versatile! There is total freedom to be sexy and cute at the same time, and you’re only sharing the spotlight with another hottie - you! Make sure you emphasise your better qualities; if you’re naturally sexier, use the cute you for your mini me. Unfortunately, only select brands of photo booth have the ‘mini me’ option – something the other booths are seriously lacking. Tip: the smaller the better for your duplicate, you don’t want to come off as conceited; keep it subtle.

The Full Lion Growwwwl at the camera. Like in that Austin Powers movie, but way better. Of all the poses, the growl has the best sexy/cute ratio. The Full Lion allows you to show off all your assets. Of course, if you’re body-conscious, you can restrict it in a close up – so flexible! This is a great one to do with friends, but be sure to keep your growl contained. If you go too over the top, your face will contort too much and make you look hideous. Ick.

The V Sign It’s true. You can never beat the classics. The V sign is perfect. From Churchill to Eisenhower and Nixon to azn school girls, the pose has a long history. It shows that you are approachable, friendly, peaceful, a winner... I could go on. There’s plenty of room for friends and bling, or, if you want to convey a very specific message, the pose works really well with one simple caption, to give it that minimalistic, artsy feel. Classy. Timeless.

ROAD TEST

Nick Rowbotham drank five coffees in five hours and lived to tell the tale. (Disclaimer: Nick’s opinion is based on one cup of coffee at each establishment) Parma (2/10): Awful, appalling, atrocious, abysmal. These are just the A words that came to mind to describe the experience of drinking a coffee at this Wentworth venue. Azzurri (9/10): This place is great. It’s nicely en route to Merewether, so if you’re a Commerce or Economics student you may want to make a trip part of your daily routine. There are two Azzurris, one down the stairs from the Wentworth food court and one opposite Easy Way (near the bridge over City Road). I particularly recommend the upstairs version, not only is their coffee very good, but they also do delicious crepes of both the savoury and sweet (read: Nutella) variety, perfect if you’ve flown out without breakfast! Taste (7/10): The coffee at Taste is highly variable. Going there is like driving across the Harbour Bridge; at less busy times it can be a very pleasant experience, but as soon as you hit peak hour, brace yourself, you’ll be waiting forever and probably won’t be happy when you reach your destination. The variability is understandable given the sheer number of people who pass through each morning, but if you’re a coffee purist like me, you might want to look elsewhere. That said, the breakfast deals are hard to pass up, and generally if you get in before the mid-morning rush you should be fairly satisfied. Ralph’s (9/10): From all reports I’ve heard, and as my latte here confirmed, Ralph’s is fucking brilliant. One slight drawback is that they don’t take ACCESS, but the coffee is so good that if I were a college student I’d probably go there every day anyway. A contender for best coffee on campus. The USU Coffee Cart (1/10): You can’t blame the baristas. The people that work at the coffee carts are always friendly, but their product always disappoints. Available at a variety of locations, the coffee, supposedly Vittoria, is the cheapest deal on campus with your Access card. But it often tastes like dishwater.

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honi soit

Taboo HONI!

RELIGION

ANSWERS

Church of the Latter-Day Fakes

Open Question

Natasha Burrows reads from the Book of Mormon

Do I have to attend all lectures?

There was a time when the world’s most famous Mormon was a woman who wrote a rather unfortunate series of books about teenage vampires. And all most people knew about the religion was its polygamy. But the rise of Mitt Romney as the probable Republican presidential candidate in 2012 has highlighted the fact that no one actually knows what Mormonism is. Who are they? Where do they come from? What do they want?

I just got my timetable and one of my lectures clashes with when I have work. There’s only one lecture and I really want to do the subject. The lectures are recorded and the slides put up online, but my course coordinator says it’s essential I attend the lectures in person. Is this really the case?

first year

20 hours ago - 3 days left to answer.

Answer Question Action Bar:

Interesting!

To answer these questions I make the expedition to the U.S. Studies Centre, to visit Dr David Smith – lecturer in U.S. politics. Conveniently, Dr Smith is also something of an expert on religion and has done research on Mormonism in America.

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Answers (1)

fourth year

No, it’s not essential. Nearly all lecturers will tell you that attendance is mandatory but in terms of how it impacts upon your learning the difference between listening online with slides verses being there in person is, in my experience, quite negligible. Lectopia is by and large pretty reliable software and I’ve done really well in subjects I’ve listened to almost entirely online. It is also rare for lecturers to actually take a roll in lectures. If they do, you have an issue, but don’t assume that when they say lecture attendance is “compulsory” that it is in any practical way.

So, who are they? Mormonism was founded in America in the 1820s by Joseph Smith, an uneducated treasure-digger (seriously). He established the religion after he envisaged an angel called Moroni, who directed him to golden plates bearing the details of an ancient religion (seriously). He translated these writings in what became known as the Book of Mormon.

If you do opt to do your lectures online there are admittedly some things to consider. For one, you can’t ask questions. In bigger classes this isn’t such a thing, but in smaller ones tutorial-like discussion sometimes takes place, which can obviously be quite valuable. Additionally, you can’t volunteers answers to questions, which, whilst seemingly trivial, could possibly get you the goodwill needed to turn that 74 into a 76 in the future. None of these are good enough reasons for you to go piss off your boss or not take the subject, but illustrate the point that if you can make it to lectures it’s (marginally) better to do so.

Joseph Smith was a very good salesman of his religion: by 1835 – five years after the Book of Mormon was published – he had as many as 2,000 followers. Constant conflict with theological rivals led the group to establish themselves in Utah in 1847. The legacy of Mormonism lives on in Utah: almost 70 per cent of the state identify as Mormons.

There’s also a pretty lame argument that you should go to lectures because it’s more social and the more time you spend on campus, the better. This works for some people; for others it doesn’t. BULL Magazine leads you to believe that if you’re not involved at university you mustn’t be content. That’s (bull)shit.

Today there are 14 million Mormons worldwide, and 6.1 million in the United States. Their influence is concentrated, and they have been a successful lobby group in local and state issues. The church invested significantly, and ultimately successfully, in backing Proposition 8, the

45 Minutes ago

Last night was... It was my second last night in London. My friends, well aware that I was rather lonely (and my hand rather tired) took me out to Ruby Tuesday, a club night in Soho where all the lady gays dance shamelessly to “I Kissed a Girl” and remixes of Tegan and Sara. Cut to: several hours, and several tequilas, later. I’m in a Tescos. A woman next to me holds my hand as I buy a bag of chips. Despite the fact that she’s wearing a sports cap, at night, with her ponytail pulled through the hole at the back, she’s kinda hot. I decide to go with it. We get on the night bus together. That would’ve been fine if this woman didn’t live on the OUTSKIRTS of London. If we were in Sydney, this

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Mitt Romney’s evil lair amendment to end same-sex marriage in California. For all the jokes and Big Love episodes though, Americans are warming to Mormonism. As Dr Smith reminds me, in American eyes it is better to be a Mormon than something truly horrendous – like a Muslim or atheist. Ironically, Mormonism is mostly hated by other Christians. “The reason it is more negatively perceived than other religions is that Mormons consider themselves to be Christian, but a lot of other Christians in the United States don’t consider Mormons to be Christians,” Dr Smith explains. Consequently the Republican Party has spent the last eight months trying to find someone – anyone – to lead the party to the 2012 Presidential campaign. A slideshow of monosyllabic hopefuls (Rick, Newt, Ron) have attempted to take on Romney with sound policy like establishing colonies on the moon. It seems to be delaying the inevitable. And as much as the Evangelical Right is loath to admit it, it is highly probable that Romney will be the Republican Presidential candidate in 2012 (a 75 per cent chance, says Dr Smith). And after that? “If he wins the nomination [he has] about a 40% chance of becoming President.” Let the good, polygamous times roll.

Awkward

night bus was going to Cronulla. Or Perth. That’s a lot of time to make pre-sex small talk. We arrive at her place as the sun, and my sobriety, is rising. There’s no furniture. “I’m moving this week,” she says, apologetically. I need a fucking drink. Two big vodkas later, I’ve lost my mind again, and my pants as well. She’s [finally] lost her cap, and top, to reveal the results of an... enhancement. More to hold on to, I guess? We have sex on the floor a couple of times, and then at some point move into the bedroom. Feeling pretty pooped from the vodka and the floor fun, I fall asleep pretty quickly.

A few hours later, I wake up as my vagina’s latest acquaintance casually says, “hey, sorry to wake you... but I have to get my son from day care now. Do you want some breakfast?” SAY WHAT NOW?! I pass on the breakfast, and take a shower instead. Retrieving my clothes from the floor, I make my getaway. She walks me to the bus stop. While we wait for the bus, I awkwardly ask polite questions about her womb expulsion. Thank fuck, the bus soon arrives. I give her an awkward halfwave goodbye as she says “Well, it was nice meeting you... Emma?” I didn’t bother correcting her.

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Mum picks everyone up but me :(

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For those who come across the seas... Hannah Ryan talks to George Newhouse, human rights lawyer and asylum seeker advocate

his is a time when you can gain political capital by complaining that the government paid for asylum seekers to fly to their own relatives’ funerals. A country where the Labor Party, traditionally the defender of the little guy, seeks to ship asylum seekers off to Malaysia. It is in this challenging milieu that the lawyer George Newhouse, best known for representing Vivian Solon and Cornelia Rau, advocates for the rights of asylum seekers. Newhouse is a familiar name to political junkies and residents of Double Bay: he ran a close campaign to unseat Malcolm Turnbull from the federal electorate of Wentworth in 2007. The circumstances were melodramatic. Newhouse’s then recent ex-girlfriend Danielle Ecuyer, a banker-cum-environmentalist, criticised his and the Labor Party’s support for the Tasmanian pulp mill, and then threw her hat in the ring as an Independent candidate. Enter Australian journalist Caroline Overington. Overington pushed Ecuyer to direct her preferences to Malcolm Turnbull and reportedly sent Newhouse threatening emails in an attempt to score an interview (this reporter didn’t have to try quite as hard). Then, in a turn of events fit for a teledrama, Newhouse’s campaign climaxed with a slap. On election day, at the innocuous Bellevue Hill Public School, Overington thwacked Newhouse in front of a bunch of curious voters. Although it seemed for a while that Turnbull could lose his seat, Newhouse was ultimately unsuccessful. The first line of Newhouse’s CV is now human-rights lawyer rather than politician. He is the antidote to those who sneer that commercial lawyers and bankers are all amoral sell-outs. While he wins bread and drives a nice car, spoils of successful years in banking, finance and commercial law, he’s also firmly on the side of the good guys. “I came via a very long and circuitous route,” he agrees. “Although I had been involved in the community through local government, I had not done that much for refugees.” The turning point was a lecture given by the journalist David Marr about the sinking of the SIEV (‘Suspected Irregular Entry Vehicle’) X, a boat carrying more than 400 asylum seekers. This eye-opening speech led Newhouse to get involved in the Vivian Solon case: while Solon had been wrongfully deported to the Philippines, she had two sons in Brisbane, whom Newhouse offered to help. “One thing led to another and I ended up acting for Vivian Solon and then Cornelia Rau, and the rest is history,” he said. Newhouse is now a prominent legal activist, supporting asylum seekers and indigenous Australians.

Most recently, Newhouse acted for the survivors of the Christmas Island boat disaster of December 2010 at the coronial inquest into the tragedy. SIEV 221 approached Christmas Island in the early hours of the morning on December 15 2010. December falls in Christmas Island’s monsoon season, and conditions were rough. The small boat was holding 92 passengers: 89 asylum seekers from Iraq and Iran, and three crewmembers. The boat crashed into the rocky shoreline of Christmas Island, resulting in horrific pictures of a shattered boat, desperate men clinging to its flimsy remains. In all, fifty people perished in the largest peacetime loss of life at sea in Australia in 115 years. Following the disaster, survivors were placed in detention centres, a setting hardly conducive to working through grief. When the Commonwealth government paid for family members’ flights to mainland Australia to attend loved ones’ funerals, the Shadow Immigration Minister Scott Morrison attacked Labor for wasting public funds. Families of the deceased and survivors also had had very limited opportunities to speak at the inquest. To Newhouse’s disappointment, the government denied them financial assistance. “It’s a very sad story, frankly,” he says. “You have people with absolutely nothing, they’ve lost family members, they’ve survived trauma, they’ve come out of it damaged, they’ve got no assets, no money, and very little English. And they got no support at all from the Commonwealth government or West Australian Legal Aid.” Although the Coroner’s main role is to determine cause of death and make recommendations, rather than to act as a platform for victims to discuss their feelings, Newhouse’s clients told him they felt alienated from the process. “That is a very unfortunate situation because it leaves them with no resolution.” The Coroner’s report was released last week. It laid the blame for the accident firmly at the feet of people smugglers, who lied to passengers about the quality

of the boat and the number of lifejackets on board, and who were responsible for the boat being so overloaded. But the Coroner was also critical of the Commonwealth, who failed to ensure adequate resources were available on the island (it was the residents who first raised the alarm when they saw the boat approaching from a distance, and it was only by coincidence that an appropriate rescue boat was available). But Newhouse wanted the report to go further, concerned about a breakdown of communication at the time of the accident. He is now working on getting the findings translated into Farsi and Arabic for his clients, a process which demands considerable resources, and will consult them about their next options. Liberal MP Scott Morrison’s response to the funeral issue demonstrates how noticeably absent compassion can be from the debate about asylum seekers. Newhouse points to a longstanding fear of the “yellow peril” and of people invading Australia in boats, suggesting that fears about boat people don’t always stem from concerns about the safety of passengers. His hope lies in bipartisanship. “You only have to look at the 70s, when Vietnamese refugees were received and settled under the Fraser government,” he explains. “A bipartisan approach saw Australians accept those refugees on the whole.” But he’s sceptical that the two major parties will ever agree. He describes our current political environment as: “one where the two parties don’t compete on economics, but rather on how brutally they’ll treat refugees, and it’s a sad indictment on our political system that politicians feel that they can take political advantage playing with real people’s lives.” As for what an adequate asylum seeker policy would look like, Newhouse’s main concern is that people don’t get on boats in the first place. The Christmas Island inquest made it clear that there are catastrophic risks in coming to Australia on a boat, and that only the most desperate

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people in the world would take such a risk. With that in mind, he is not wholly opposed to last year’s proposed “Malaysia Solution”, although he admits his clients might disagree. “I can see a real benefit in a refugee processing system that is outside of Australia,” he explains, “in order to process people coming to Australia before they get into a boat and put their lives in danger.” But he stresses that such a system can only be acceptable when asylum seekers’ rights are prioritised. “If there were a satisfactory system in place to protect their rights and their dignity,” he hypothesises, “then an offshore regional processing centre or centres might be a viable solution…. it might be and it would require a lot more than just dumping people in camps without work, freedom or housing.” Newhouse has bowed out of politics for now. Asked about the recent leadership shenanigans in Canberra, he seems disinterested. “Well, I don’t really have to buy into that, it’s not really relevant for my social justice practice.” He is worried, however, about its ramifications at the next election. “I’m concerned that the [leadership] fracas is going to lead to an Abbott government, and that will have incredibly detrimental effects on human rights in this country. Those who are weakest in our society have much to fear from a Liberal Government, because their track record on human rights, particularly in this area, is poor.” It was the story of a sunken boat that led Newhouse to his human rights work, and he believes that finding out personal stories of refugees is one of the most important things you can do in this area. “When you hear the true stories of their life and death situations and the trauma, slaughter, violence, rape, their fear of death and torture, it’s hard to be so cynical about why people come to Australia,” he explains. “So find out the facts.” Hannah Ryan is on Twitter: @hannahd15

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Feature

AN UNEQUAL DEMOCRACY Money talks loudest in the land of the free, writes Felix Donovan

ver since the tents began to crowd New York’s Zuccotti Park, America’s national discussion has been focussed on wealth inequality. With signs ranging from the Reaganite (‘Tear Down This Wall St’) to the Tarantino-esque (‘Banker. Your Tie Looks Like a Noose’), the 99% has propelled a troubling vein of American capitalism into the purview of politicians and commentators. With Super Tuesday upon us in the Republican primaries, protesting the 1%’s gargantuan share of the national income has rarely been more politically sensitive. But income inequality doesn’t just trouble aspiring presidential nominees of the Republican Party; it poisons the system itself and threatens to make a farce of democracy in America.

Even before the Occupy protestors coalesced around the Raging Bull statue on Wall St in September of last year, there were disgruntled rumblings about a growing divide in the American economy. And not just from the International Workers of the World. Alan Greenspan, the former Federal Reserve Chairman and a man who certainly doesn’t keep a copy of Das Kapital next to his desk, argued that “fundamentally two separate types of economy” had emerged in America. Citigroup concurred, its analysts concluding that “the World is dividing into two blocs – the Plutonomy and the rest”. The numbers don’t lie: in the last two decades, the 1% has doubled its share of national income, and by 2007, corporate executives earned 400

times as much as their lowest-paid employees. A mix of political opportunism and genuine conviction has brought many into the discussion. Warren Buffett, the third richest man in America, nobly requested that the government should raise his taxes in an op-ed he wrote last year, after observing that his secretary is taxed at a significantly higher rate than he is. The New York Times has commissioned a feature series on inequality in America. And in his 2012 State of the Union, President Obama denounced ‘a country where a shrinking number of people do really well, while a growing number of Americans barely get by’. National polling consistently shows a majority sympathise with the Occupy movement and its grievances. Say what you will about the divisiveness or tactics of the Occupy protestors, but for the first time since Lyndon Johnson launched his ‘Great Society’ program, reproaching the ill effects of laissez-faire capitalism is in vogue. The thing is, nobody told Mitt Romney. Or Rick Santorum. Of the two front-runners for the Republican nomination, one is prone to gaffes that make Ayn Rand look like a socialist and the other is about as interested in the economy as Kim Jong-Il was in liberty.

Take Romney, the former Massachusetts Governor, who since December 2008 has boasted enough endorsements, war chest funds, and business experience to be the Republican Party’s 2012 write-in nominee for president. Then he began to make statements like ‘corporations are people’ and ‘I’m not concerned about the very poor’. Whispers about a Swiss bank account and what can only be described as legal tax evasion became a roar as the national press demanded to know his earnings ($20 million in the last financial year) and see his tax returns. Before the Florida primary, his bombastic rival Newt Gingrich aired ads accusing Romney of being

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a ‘vulture capitalist’, and of extorting ‘blood money’ from his clients when he was CEO of Bain Capital, a private equity firm. Romney has been impotent in the face of these efforts to smear him as an out-of-touch candidate; in fact, he appears to go out of the way to confirm them. In a televised debate before the Iowa Caucuses, Romney challenged Gingrich to a ‘casual’ $10,000 wager. That was after he had denounced the national discussion on inequality as motivated purely by ‘envy’. Americans don’t begrudge wealth, but in the post-Occupy political landscape, fortunes displayed ostentatiously or hidden away in Swiss vaults don’t sit too comfortably with the electorate. It’s an America that the former Massachusetts Governor seems unsure of; rather like if Fitzgerald’s Jay Gatsby had lived into the Depression-hit 1930s. Unlike Romney, Santorum hasn’t waded into the debate on the economy, because he’s what’s known euphemistically as a ‘values’ candidate. What that really means is that he is more concerned with a chimerical spike in teenage pregnancy than in jobs and wages. The Pennsylvania senator shot to national prominence in 2003 with comments that bundled homosexuality, incest and bestiality into a singular moral pool. In a book published in 2005, he attributed the breakdown of the family unit to increasing female participation in the workforce – a trend he’d like to see reversed. In this campaign – to be ‘the leader of the free world’ – he has opposed abortion even in cases of rape or where a mother’s life is in peril, and has argued that states should have the right to limit and even prohibit the sale of contraceptives. He said and wrote all of this not in ironic, Stephen Colbert fashion, but with the genuine conviction of God’s messenger. To brand his political and social views as conservative is inadequate; they’re archaic and even dangerous. Without

Feature anything more than the most superficial pronouncements on the economy in a period of sustained downturn and rising inequality, Rick Santorum is the leading Republican candidate on the eve of Super Tuesday. He’d probably call that a miracle. It’s not. The Occupy movement may have changed America, but it hasn’t affected the upper echelons of the Republican Party or the evangelism of some of its base. The lack of broad enthusiasm for Romney and Santorum couldn’t be more evident as they continue to stay silent on issues the majority of Americans want to hear about. In fact, stirring rhetoric aside, the Democratic Party hasn’t taken much notice of Occupy’s message either. Obama’s bravest solution to inequality in America was to threaten to sue China, and recommend to congress a series of small tax credits to American businesses. Neither of which has yet happened, and probably won’t, considering the recalcitrant and apoplectic congress. It’s hardly the New Deal of our time. The waves of populism that have swept through cities across America have merely lapped at Washington’s shore. Why does politics seem so insulated from the people, the capital so distant from the country?

Those reforms were steadily undone by deregulation and globalisation and technological changes – all of which have given rise to the economic inequality that pervades America today. But until January 2010, when the Supreme Court ruled in favour of Citizens United, restrictions on corporate influence in politics were maintained. Overturning a century of law, the Court removed limits on the amount of money corporations could spend on political campaigns. The five concurring justices argued they had struck a blow for the First Amendment, on the premise that money is tantamount to speech in politics. Dissenting from the majority, Justice Stevens warned that the Court’s decision “threatens to undermine the integrity of elected institutions”. “A democracy cannot function effectively”, he wrote, “when its constituent members believe laws are being bought and sold.”

“

Money does untold damage to democracy in America; but unfortunately, we don’t like to talk about it. It seems just bolshie to imply that our politicians are beholden to greedy, self-interested capitalists. In polite conversation, America’s so-called ‘demoscheloris’ is attributed to the hyperpartisanship of the two major parties, or a 24-hour news media, or various electorally manipulative tricks such as gerrymandering.

But the relationship between moneyed interests and democracy has a long history in America. Andrew Jackson, the seventh President, was probably the first to wage a public campaign against what he saw as aristocratic, undemocratic aspects in the political system. He raged against congressmen who had “bartered the rights of the people for the promises of office”, the consequence of which was that “the rich and powerful too often bend the acts of government to their own selfish purposes”.

The waves of populism that have swept through cities across America have merely lapped at Washington’s shore. Why does politics seem so insulated from the people, the capital so distant from the country?

”

It’s a genuine concern: 75 per cent of Americans believe campaign contributions buy results in congress. And academic studies agree. Economists, political scientists, and other scholars continue to reach the same conclusion: campaign contributions confer special benefits on corporations, such as subsidies, relaxed labour laws, and lowered tax rates, while reducing the likelihood those corporations will be punished for evading taxes or ignoring

regulations. Opensecrets.org estimates that for every US$1 a corporation spends on campaigns, they receive between $6 and $21 in benefits. The extent of this system of privilege was so apparent to the former IMF Chief Economist Simon Johnson that, in a piece published in the Atlantic in May 2009, he argued America was the world’s “most advanced oligarchy”, in which ‘elite business interests’ play a central role in national governance. The Citizens United ruling served to cement and compound this corporate influence on America’s democracy. It spawned ‘super-PACs’ (Political Action Committees) that are affiliated with a particular candidate and receive contributions from corporations and individuals. Previously, a corporation or lobby group could only contribute $2500 to a political campaign. Now it’s unlimited, and the average donation to a super-PAC is $33,500. Thus far, Republican-affiliated super-PACs have received over $100 million in contributions. The list of donors makes for unhappy reading: investment banks, the gun lobby, casino executives, energy companies – all corporations with vested interests in the executive decrees of the President and the legislative actions of congress. It is a ruinous cycle: for a few dozen individuals and corporations, money buys influence, and influence pays dividends. The Citizens United ruling strapped a motor to that cycle, greatly elevating the power of what Theodore Roosevelt termed the ‘invisible government’. And so grows the chasm between the American zeitgeist and the Republican candidates; between the will of the people and the outcomes of congress; between the capital and the country. Along with Occupy, the other mass movement to rock the American political landscape in the last few years has been the Tea Party. And while Occupy

and the Tea Party may not ostensibly have much in common, they do share a deep suspicion of government; a sense it is run for the elite rather than for them. In a democracy where voting is voluntary, turnout rates are often a bellwether for a people’s sense of political enfranchisement. In the twentieth century, voter participation peaked from the 30s to the 60s: the New Deal years when people believed that politicians were fighting for the interests of middle America. They reached alltime lows during the 90s and the first decade of this century, when economic growth delivered benefits to only a few, and the size of a candidate’s war chest became a decisive factor in electoral results. Come Super Tuesday, and more importantly, come November 6, turnout rates will be an indicator of the strength of democracy in America. They will likely be a grim reflection of what Alexis de Tocqueville noted two hundred years ago: ”The surface of American society is covered with a layer of democratic paint, but from time to time one can see the old aristocratic colours breaking through.” The more influence the 1% wields in politics; the more likely it is that the 99% stays home on election day. And the weaker American democracy becomes. The disease eating away at America’s democratic institutions is not terminal; the Roosevelts cured it in the early twentieth century with aggressive laws that sought to separate moneyed interests and politics. Economic inequality and democratic dysfunction are both linked to the rich bankrolling political campaigns. Fixing that is the first step towards a solution.

Felix Donovan is on Twitter: @FelixDonovan1

Close to a century later, as large corporations developed and the wealth of men like John D Rockefeller once again sapped at the legitimacy of the democratic system, President Theodore Roosevelt warned that “behind the ostensible government sits enthroned an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people”. He was the first President to restrict the financial support a corporation could offer a candidate for public office. Limiting political donations was a way to guard against the interests of massive corporations trumping the will of the people. Then came his nephew, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, with his New Deal reforms that spurred forty years of the most equally dispersed economic growth in America’s history.

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Culture Vulture REVIEWS: BOOKS

REVIEWS: MUSIC

Last Dinosaurs, Far From Extinct

Etgar Keret: Suddenly, a Knock on the Door

Zanda Wilson doesn’t want to get eaten

Kira Spucys-Tahar discovers what’s through the bubble gum machine Etgar Keret’s sixth short story collection, Suddenly, a Knock on the Door, is a triumph of the form. Keret takes situations of everyday mundanity and turns them into explorations of the breadth of human emotions. Themes such as sex, love and relationships as well as the examination of societal concerns including racism, sexism, terrorism and religion are deceptively hidden between light and witty tales. The title story, the first in the 38-strong collection, is an intense exploration of politics and the precariousness of the human condition in a globalised world. A man walks into a writer’s house, holds a loaded pistol to his head and demands he tell him a story, something to help him escape from a harrowing reality. This strong first person story, sets the tone of Suddenly, a Knock on the Door, as a highly accessible collection where despite surreal circumstances, the reader can relate to the characters familiar humanity.

The collection effortlessly steers between thought-provoking, intelligent pieces; such as ‘Pick a Colour’, a poignant, incredibly moving story about love and religion, to strange, out-ofthe-box pieces; such as ‘Lieland’, where the characters are forced to confront the product of their lies as they discover each lie is true and exists in an alternate parallel universe accessible through a bubble gum machine. Each story seamlessly transitions to the next. Keret uses the theme from the final paragraph as a tangential springboard for the next story, creating a cohesive narrative collection.

To celebrate the release of their first album Brisbane-based alternative group Last Dinosaurs continued their national tour at Spectrum last Wednesday night. The intimate gig showcased a number of new tracks from the new album; In A Million Years, as well as delighting diehard fans with tried and tested tracks, ‘Honolulu’ and ‘Zoom’. The band also surprised fans with alt-rock covers of dance hits ‘Lady’ by Modjo and ‘Groovejet’ by Spiller. From the first listen, it was immediately clear to see that the band has progressed a long way since the release of their debut EP Back From The Dead in 2010. In A Million Years, whilst maintaining the balance between

A household name in his native Israel for years, Keret has had work published in Le Monde, The Guardian and The New York Times. Salman Rushdie has called him “the voice of the next generation” and Suddenly, a Knock on the Door proves Etgar Keret has a nuanced understanding of the concerns of the 21st century reader.

REVIEWS: GIGS

Black Sweaty Nostalgia Reuben Stone rides the Soundwave I have been to every Soundwave bar one and I can confidently say that this year’s edition at Olympic Park wasn’t a disappointment. It was success both with its nostalgic line up and in its organisation. With a good sized crowd that made it easy to hop around stages and lax security at the gates (enabling yours truly to smuggle in a litre of vodka), this year’s festival was one of the best yet. Walking into the festival we are treated with the usual entertaining spectacle of sweaty Goths wearing long black pants and hoodies in 30 degree heat, and one punter dressed up in a riot police outfit. There are also people sporting cliché metal shirts with slogans such as ‘JESUS IS A CUNT’ and ‘HATE, FIRE, BLOOD, WAR’ printed on the back. Bogans who drive cars like to express their interests and political views in the form of bumper stickers; bogans who listen to black metal and grindcore tend to project theirs on their t-shirts. I don’t make the rules. For a laugh, the first act we saw was Steel Panther. These guys are a kind of mockery of an 80’s glam rock band, both musically and in the lifestyles they claim to lead. With an entrancing appeal to every misogynist in the crowd, the band played songs like ‘17 Girls in a Row’ and ‘The Shocker’ (of which the meaning cannot be explained here). We headed to Bad Religion, but not after some people watching, which revealed that it IS possible to stretch your earlobe as wide as a jam jar and that it WILL be ripped off if you endeavour to take part in a circle pit. They opened with ‘Resist Stance’ and although the singer now has hair that resembles a culde-sac, they still rocked the block, and

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seemed to enjoy doing so. Limp Bizkit. I laughed when I saw their name on the lineup and I laughed when I saw them play. They played songs like ‘My Generation’ and ‘Take a Look Around’, and the mosh pit was just as intense as it looked at their 2001 Big Day Out appearance, at which 16 year old fan Jessica Michalik was killed. It was nice to see the band dedicate their set to her with a big pink backdrop with her name on it. Front man Fred Durst seemed remorseful, protesting to the crowd that his band was forced to play that night in 2001, even after complaining about safety. A drunken Marilyn Manson came on next, told the crowd that they disgust him, told girls in said crowd to take their tops off, played songs such as ‘Rock is Dead’ and ‘Sweet Dreams’, told the crowd they disgust him again, and then left the stage. Ta ta. The headlining act, System of a Down came onstage with ‘Prison Song’ to an overloaded main arena. With no talking between songs they punched out a whomping 90 minute set, playing songs off each of their albums. ‘BYOB’ and ‘Deer Dance’ created havoc while ‘Lost in Hollywood’ gave the crowd a chance to stand still and sing. It is true that the lines for drinks were long, but that just tells you that you should always bring your own in. Or don’t, and enjoy the light beer shandys or whatever watered down muck they serve up at festivals these days. With a pasty mouth and a stomach ache from drinking vodka mixed with bad soft drink all day, Soundwave 2012 was ultimately interesting for the eyes and irreversibly damaging to the ears.

typically electric and catchy stratocaster sounds which have come to characterise the Last Dinosaurs sound, shows a new side to the group, a band that has matured both musically and lyrically. While their previous material dealt with relationships and youth, In A Million Years documents ideas of mortality, and how the impressions we make on others shape who we are. Whilst aspects of the gig including Sean Caskey’s sometimes weak vocals and some messy playing by all band members gave the performance an unrefined vibe, this only gave the band a greater level of relatability which simply enhanced the atmosphere. The success of their latest single ‘Zoom’, and the impending success of the new album evidenced by sold-out shows in every capital city hasn’t influenced the desire of the band members to continually interact and talk with their fans. After the gig, Sean, Lachlan, Sam and Dan could be seen chatting with fans, and seemed genuinely surprised at the overwhelmingly positive feedback. From having started two years ago with a small cult following to being invited to play at Splendour In The Grass later this year, it will be fascinating to see where Last Dinosaurs are a year from now, or indeed, in a million years.

REVIEWS: THEATRE

A One Night Stand. With Songs! Jackson Busse enjoys a raucous night with a senior audience

Midsummer (A Play With Songs) is the work of Scotsmen David Greig and Gordon McIntyre. A wildly popular hit at the 2009 Edinburgh Festival, the play traces the farcical weekend spent together by petty criminal, Bob, and Helena, a quasi-drunkard seemingly incapable of love. Bob, crippled by the inescapability of his own self, and the ‘smell of shit’ that comes with it, enjoys an evening of drunkenness and debauchery with Helena, who after being rejected on the eve of her sister’s wedding is on the path to self-oblivion.

Midsummer seems so humorous and farcical that the even the actors cannot takes themselves seriously. After fleeing the stage and not being seen for minutes, Cora Bissett, who plays Helena, laughs when announcing that Matthew Pidgeon, (Bob), is currently lost in the bowels of the Opera House.

Midsummer really is a performance in the broad sense of the word: comic songs punctuate the story, the characters break outside their roles to read stage directions, and members of the audience are asked to read out lines. At times

arrives at the same conclusion as Hollywood Rom-Coms, the route is, admittedly, infinitely funnier and more enjoyable. The standing ovation it receives by the senile audience is testament to how riotously funny this play is.

Being an indie rom-com, Midsummer goes to lengths to satirise clichéd Hollywood rom-coms. The result is invariably funny, and to the great profit of the play, is occasionally tempered by moments of heart-wrenching poignancy. I am shocked The night reaches a climax, (or perhaps midway when my old friend is firing out more a whimper), when the two find rounds of machine-gun laughter, and at themselves trapped in a tedious four one point, is on the verge of tears. To be minute sex scene in Helena’s apartment, fair, he had just been blinded by a piercwhich neither party (including the audiing disco ball in a bondage club. ence) enjoys. Being shown at the Opera Despite the concerted lengths that House, the audience is dominated by Greig and McIntyre go to lampoon Holsenior citizens, who seem absolutely lywood Rom-Coms, the play emerges perplexed when Elmo cameos in the sex no better than these, for it conforms scene as both a seedy voyeur and Bob’s to the very tropes that it makes fun of. penis. At times I find myself staring at the Whilst witty and clever, Midsummer is baffled expression of the 75 year old man ultimately devoid of earnestness, passion seated to my left, instead of the play. and ingenuity. Whilst it disappointingly

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Culture Vulture POP CULTURE

Look what they’ve done to our characters, ma Neha Kasbekar says that all that Internet history was for research, she swears If I were to offer you the sanitized, Sparksnotes explanation of the fanfiction phenomenon, it’d simply be that fanfiction, variously fanfic or fic, refers to fanauthored stories that imagine different narrative possibilities for characters from a movie, novel, TV show or indeed any conceivable source material. Regrettably, fanfiction, to most outside the fold, is synonymous with perversion of gargantuan proportions. While fanfic admittedly has far too much kink and bizarrely popular genres like ‘Hurt/Comfort’ for me to ever convince you otherwise, it’s not too difficult to see the motives informing fanfiction as harmless, even amusing. At its root, the weirdness felt towards fanfic is standard adaptation anxiety, a byproduct of the attachment we feel towards fictional figures and the resulting mud-slinging when they’re adapted

inconsistently with the supposed spirit of the source. Take slash fiction, fandom parlance for fanfic involving same-sex male pairings (or femmeslash, the female alternative) irrespective of the orientation of characters in the original source material. Think of Glee power couple Kurt and Blaine, but with the hetero uber-mensch Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother romantically paired with Ted Mosby. Slash seems like a radical move: to those who dislike adaptations that deviate from canon narrative, the idea of altering a character’s sexuality would border on verboten. The anger is only intensified when the source has religious dimensions, as with fanfic sexualising God and Satan for instance. Yet good slash fic is borne of benign impulses: the desire to fill in the gaps and present plausible interpretations of character dynamics (Barney’s inability

to settle for any one woman implying latent homosexuality; viewing Ted as his ultimate bro signifying romantic interest). Since most original works don’t explicitly identify characters’ sexualities, and the audience instead operates on the cultural assumption of straightness, it’s difficult to see why slash fic would equal a poor adaptation per se. Fanfiction is at its most polarizing though with RPF or real-person fiction, a genre so contentious that even fanfiction. net, whose raison d’etre is hosting the most extensive fanfic repository, refuses to admit it as a publishable category. Por qué? Fashioning fictional accounts of real-life figures, many perceive RPF fanfic as verging on the libelous – with narratives overwhelmingly of the pornographic variety. RPF eludes any redemptive “I’m-simply-exploring-narrative-possibilities” alibi and just seems depraved

and intrusive. If however you believe that the remove of fiction remains in place, making RPF no less permissible than porn, RPF is both wish-fulfilling and charmingly democratic, sparing no public figure from erotic trysts. Bask in the romantic possibility of couples attracting wide speculation like Twilight’s Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart or compelling experimental variations like UK political heads David Cameron and Nick Clegg. The line you draw with fanfiction is inevitably a litmus test of personal values. That said, if the prospect of Tony Abbott & Julia Gillard bondage, as in at least one RPF fic, doesn’t strike you as both plausible and the best possible resolution for Labor/Lib tensions, you’d definitely be the only weirdo here.

POP CULTURE

Consider the Critic

Justin Penn gives Margaret and David three and a half stars Why do we care about what critics have to say? Inevitably, after I find myself having spent hours scouring the internet for analysis on The Wire, or opinions on the new Jezebels LP, or a tear-apart of the latest Transformers movie, I ask myself – why am I so keen to know what some apparent ‘professional’ opines about a piece of art? When I lose days discussing the merits of music with my mates – often, innocuously beginning with someone asking, “So, what did you think of Watch the Throne?” – I can count on the back-and-forth, the wit, banter and tangents that come with friendly conversation as something that’s both entertaining and thought-provoking; in part, because we’re both contributing to the dialogue.

have a responsibility to not only cover and comment upon that which has already broken the mainstream – but should actively seek out to uncover and support smaller acts, domestic and abroad. Big names sell themselves through radio play and word-of-mouth; democratic journalism necessitates some hubbub for the little guy. Of course, we’re also discussing music criticism – a loaded word that conjures thoughts of haughty snobs in turtlenecks, lashing vitriol at anyone or anything that disagrees with their much-refined and indelibly-exclusive palette. Not to appear dense, but I think it’s worth pointing out that criticism simply means to apply critical thought to something –

a piece of art, a proposal for wider street paths, an essay on consequences of international immigration, anything. As such, the music critic’s job is to help readers unpack and understand the songs and albums that they’re listening to. A good review will speak to both hardened fans as well as new, curious ears. It will educate readers to the nuances of context; elucidate the sound of an album within the mind’s ear, and encourage further meditation on why a record provokes certain emotional or intellectual responses. A good review can serve as a catalyst for further conversation about an album, regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the stance it takes. Criticism is not, and

should not be a negatively charged word. It simply refers to an analysis of evidence with a liberal dose of conjecture, opinion and creative flair. Art criticism, just like art, should polarize its audiences. Review shouldn’t just validate its readers’ pre-conceptions about music; it should test them. Journalism isn’t just about re-iterating national stories but cultivating local ones. So, why do we care about what critics have to say? We care because we’re curious, passionate creatures that look new artistic experiences and whether we admit it or not, we want our opinions to be challenged.

But back to the question at hand: Why do we care about what critics have to say? The traditional, normative function of a review is to help consumers discriminate between artists when making their purchases. Long-time readers of the Honi Soit may remember Chris Martin’s (the reporter, not the front-man of Coldplay) review of Radiohead’s King of Limbs – a piece which began with the innocent question “what’s the point of writing a bad review?” The argument asked: why should journalists bother panning or pandering to musicians when, let’s be honest, who actually pays for music these days. But as distributive channels have evolved, so has the purpose of a critical music review. In an age of MySpace bands, BandCamp acts and SoundCloud artists, listeners have never been so heavily saturated with a measureless quantity of struggling musicians of ambiguous quality. There’s not enough light in the day, nor dark in the night to give every group a fair listen, which is where contemporary critics come in. Music journalists

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honi soit

Tech Online WEEKLY NEWS

TECH

SPHERE

Our round-up of the tech news from the past week

Chomp bought by Apple

Freelancer Scavenger Hunt

25 billion apps milestone

HTC One X announced

Chomp, a startup founded by Aussie tech entrepreneurs in San Francisco, was last week acquired by Apple for a cool $50 million. Chomp has created a search engine specifically for mobile Apps across all platforms filling the hole in iTunes’s notoriously bad app search functionality.

Freelancer, the worlds most popular outsourcing website, owned by tech entrepreneur & USYD lecturer Matt Barrie, is launching the first truly global online Scavenger Hunt. Participants form teams with members from around the world and submit photos to judges to earn points. 1st Prize is 25K.

Apple customers have downloaded over 25 billion apps: a milestone for the hugely successfull iOS platform. On average, every person with an Apple iOS product will download over 40 apps, far beyond the competitior app markets Android. Apple has promised a 10K gift card to the 25th billion downloader.

HTC have announed their next flagship smart phone at the Mobile World Congress. One X features a quad core processor and extreme slim line design.

REVIEW: SOFTWARE

Windows 8: A new approach to the PC & tablet experience Christopher J. Browne test drives the next version of Windows and why it changes the desktop experience Last Wednesday saw the release of a freely-downloadable Consumer Preview of Microsoft’s upcoming operating system, Windows 8. If the move from Windows XP to Windows 7 (or Windows Vista, you poor souls) felt like a bit of a leap — at least visually — then prepare yourself for breaking an Olympic long jump record with the upgrade to Windows 8. The differences between Windows 7 and Windows 8 can be summarised in one word: unsubtle. The installer is instantly familiar and basically the same as that of Windows 7, generally a matter of clicking next like a trained monkey (great for those familiar with Macs). Once this is finished, one quickly realises that we are not in Kansas anymore. The initial account creation and setup hints at a revamped visual style, and then one is prompted to link their user account with a Microsoft account. Trusted PCs can be added to this account, and various settings will synchronise across all PCs that you log in to. This account reflects a dramatic shift in the Windows user paradigm and how it will be operated from now on. Users of Windows 8 will have access to a Microsoft App Store to download and install software, a now ubiquitous feature of modern operating systems. The app store concept

The new Windows 8 start screen featuring the ‘tile’ design of Windows Mobile. Each tile can also display ‘live’ information from the application. has been popularised by Apple through iOS on mobile devices and later on Mac OS X Snow Leopard. (It is perhaps prudent to mention here that the centralised app store concept is not at all new, and anyone familiar with GNU/Linux distributions will have been operating with a similar concept for years.) Once Windows 8 is set up and you have logged in for the first time, you will notice the other dramatic change. The familiar task bar, start menu, and desktop have been completely replaced with a new user interface featuring a Metro-style scrolling Start screen

similar to the Windows Phone operating system. Apps are represented by tiles, which can be ‘live’ and show relevant information — for example the tile for your Mail app will show your unread messages. All apps launch in full-screen, with menus hidden by default and available by right-clicking (reminiscent of Android’s menu button). The interface can be used with a mouse and keyboard, however it is clearly optimised for a touch screen, and tablets will be sold with fully functioning versions of Windows 8 installed. Hovering over the left side of the screen will show a list

of recently used apps (again, similar to Android), however the familiar Alt-Tab shortcut works just as well. Hiding underneath all this however is the familiar Windows desktop, which has been included to support legacy software not available in the app store. This can be accessed from the Start screen, and will be launched automatically when accessing older apps. This means all your old applications from Windows 7 will work fine, and are not affected by the new user interface. This experience can be jarring however, and in the Consumer Preview there seem to be too many inbuilt functions such as Task Manager and Windows Explorer that fall back to the legacy desktop, rather than having new Windows 8 interfaces — this may be fixed however in future versions. Both of these changes serve a common purpose. Mobile and tablet devices are growing in popularity, and companies such as Microsoft and Apple are striving to create a seamless experience across all devices. It remains to be seen whether these changes will alienate users comfortable with more traditional operating systems, and whether the push towards App stores will make things harder for software developers. Download the Consumer Preview at http://preview.microsoft.com/ Twitter: @SirElmo

REVIEW: VIDEO GAMES

Alan Wake’s American Nightmare (Xbox 360)

Rob North dives deep into into this horror game but is it scary? In survival horror games vulnerability is the golden rule – hinder the player and they are more likely to experience fear. The original Resident Evil (1996), for instance, featured clunky controls making it difficult to dispatch the slow and otherwise unproblematic zombie masses. Unfortunately the majority of modern ‘survival horror’ games are merely action-shooters with ‘frightening’ antagonists, failing to sufficiently engender a sense of vulnerability. While it is certainly an enjoyable game, Alan Wake’s American Nightmare falls into this trap. In 2010 Alan Wake gamers ventured through dark forests populated by possessed rural townsfolk, armed

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only with a flashlight and firearm. Alan Wake succeeded in creating a sense of vulnerability by making it very difficult to see. Torchlight bounced off the dense trees and foliage making it difficult to anticipate and distinguish enemies from shadows. The downloadable sequel American Nightmare, exclusive to the Xbox Live Arcade, relocates the story to the Arizonan desert. Rather than inspiring fear the sparseness of the desert setting allows the player to easily identify incoming enemies. Horror ambitions aside American Nightmare is a decent game. The plot finds novelist Alan Wake suffering from writer’s block, taunted by evil forces in

alternate reality where fiction becomes reality. In this instalment Alan lives out an episode of fictional TV series Night Springs, an homage to the Twilight Zone complete with Rod Serling-esque narration. While the original Alan Wake channelled the cult classic TV series Twin Peaks and heavily referenced the works of Stephen King, American Nightmare encapsulates the spirit of pulp and the narrative direction of higher budget X-Files episodes. Where the original game was predominantly story-driven, American Nightmare is oriented towards action, complete with a wave based arcade mode. The variety of weapons and availability of ammunition has been significantly increased, further detracting from feelings of vulnerability and fear. American Nightmare somewhat compensates for this by increasing the number of hostiles but it is rarely enough to overwhelm experienced play-

#honitech

ers. Disappointingly the introspective, idiosyncratic dialogue of the original game is also absent. Fortunately American Nightmare retains the terrific control system and solid, albeit repetitive, torch and gun combat gameplay of the original. Alan Wake’s American Nightmare is an enjoyable experience. Where the setting and story fail the controls and gameplay succeed. It is an ambitious title given its downloadable Arcade format. However, can you still call it a nightmare if it’s not scary?

Action-Reaction SCIENCE FEATURE

A Global Defence Force: Protecting us against things from out of this globe Joseph Wang will rally the questionable cause for a global defence force Space: the final frontier. It is the subject of countless fiction and conspiracies, and endless wonder and uncertainty. Since the dawn of time, man has attempted to conquer the skies, sending up emotionless little dune buggies to roam along uncharted terrain, and primitive human/monkey-supervised metal cans to proudly proclaim the superiority of one nation over another. Yet, despite the advances and achievements that we have reached, there are a number of fundamental flaws with the current state of space exploration. It seems that within this blind, multinational face-off, all parties involved have neglected to think about the one thing that really matters: the children. Within the sullied hands of our political leaders and space agencies lie the shattered dreams of millions upon millions of hopeful youths – the aspirational astronauts of tomorrow. Since 1958, the number of professionally trained astronauts has barely tipped 500, and with NASA’s space shuttle program wrapping

up last year (in favour of unmanned missions), true Armstrong-inspired space travel is dead as we know it. A true story of man vs. machine, with the latter emerging victorious in this battle. Beyond the hearts and minds of the youngsters, there’s also the issue of them continuing to exist in the first place. Global security is an issue often raised within the bounds of sci-fi drama and summer blockbusters, but seemingly disregarded in reality. With all this probing, and randomly sending signals out into deep space, it seems inevitable that some sort of advanced alien race, possibly octopodian, will discover us before we do them. In the face of

a possible invasion, what planetary defense systems exist to counter this? Where is our galactic army, and necessary spacecraft and arsenal? What possible mind-frying, eyeslimerising, limb-tentacalising technology could they possess – something that exists even beyond our most sickening human imaginations? Now, I’m no Defence Against the Dark Matter Arts expert, but I believe this necessitates a plan of action. And there are many significant historical battles here on Earth that we can gain wisdom from. What do the Trojan War, attack on Pearl Harbor, and Kevin Rudd’s political career have in common? The element of surprise. The correct retort

is preparedness. A solid international defence force, equipped with the cutting edge of whatever science and engineering can throw at us – guns, lasers, vacuums, vacuum laser guns. Of course, in the current economic climate, there’s the issue of funding any and all of this, and why. In the shortterm, it may seem like spending more money on healthcare, public transport, roads, education and welfare would be more beneficial than finding water on Mars, cloning a woolly mammoth from its DNA, or building a hyperdrive for the next Millennium Falcon, but science demands innovation and breakthrough. And with the news saturated with such otherwise miserable narratives, finding out that someone else is out there (possibly your future husband, wife, or registered relationship partner) is a refreshing thing to hear.

SPORT

Palmer’s Personal Possé

A Different Kind of White-Wash

Richard Withers only likes it when Russian billionaires buy clubs Little over a week after calling the A-League a ‘joke’, Queensland’s richest man and owner of Gold Coast United FC, billionaire Clive Palmer, is looking to overhaul the way football operates in Australia. Chief executive of Football Federation Australia (FFA), Ben Buckley, initially reacted by condemning Palmer’s criticism and releasing a statement claiming that football fans across Australia would “rightfully condemn the lack of respect inherent in comments made by Clive Palmer”. Yet Palmer refused to be put in his place by the FFA, launching into a tirade of disparaging remarks, condemning the administration of the A-League by the FFA, its chairman Frank Lowy and breaching a minimum of three articles in the club participation agreement. With his criticism firmly out of hand, the FFA saw no alternative other than to revoke Palmer’s A-League license for his Gold Coast United club. Upon hearing news of the FFA’s decision, Clive Palmer took to Twitter to continue his childish rant, tweeting: “We intend to fight this ludicrous decision by incompetent FFA in the courts. Frank Lowy is an institution who now belongs in an institution.” It’s hard to see Palmer’s movements in recent days as anything more than an egotistically-charged response to the FFA’s decision to axe Gold Coast United from the competition. While Palmer may have the finances to back a new governing body for the game in Australia, his spell as the chairman and owner of Gold Coast suggests the smaller his

Michael Coutts talks loyalties

involvement, the better. While renowned for having a close working relationship and strong involvement with the Gold Coast club and its players, Palmer has also bluntly admitted that when it comes to football, “I don’t even like the game, I think it’s a hopeless game”. In retaliation to the FFA’s decision, Palmer has proposed a new rival governing body - ‘Football Australia Pty Ltd’ - and suggested this body could be at the head of a new league. As a mining magnate who regards football is an ‘insignificant’ part of his life, Palmer is hardly the man Australians should turn to when the future of the game in this country remains uncertain. The outburst tarnishes what has actually, thus far, been a positive year in terms of the development of the game domestically. The league’s acquisition of marquee players Harry Kewell and Brett Emerton has seen discernable spikes in crowd attendances for Melbourne Victory and Sydney FC respectively. The A-league has this year posted an average crowd of 11,013 per game, rejuvenating the competition somewhat after attracting a dismal average of 8,393 supporters in the 2010-11 season. The coming weeks, however, will determine the impact Palmer’s movements will have on the already tenuous climate of football in Australia. With any luck, the incredible furor ignited by Palmer’s movements will die off as quickly as it has arisen.

For a bunch of Indians, my family is pretty Australian. We barbeque chickens more than we butter them and catch taxis more than we drive them. Yet despite being born in Australia, no one evokes my patriotic pride more than the Indian cricket team. When India toured Australia this past summer, amongst the vocal Australian supporters sat a remarkably large contingent of Indian fans, known as the ‘Swami Army’. The group was originally formed during India’s tour of Australia in 2003/04. Unlike the Barmy Army, the famous English namesake of the Swami Army which is almost entirely composed of English residents who traverse the globe to watch their country play, the Swami Army is made up ethnically Indian Australians who reside here. Predictably, this has led to the Swami Army being branded ‘un-Australian’ - barracking against your own country is high treason. Debates on the meaning of ‘being Australian’ aside, the real question is why otherwise proud Australians are so reticent to support their current homeland in favour of their cultural one. Part of the answer lies in passion. Cricket holds an almost religious fervour amongst Indians; it is difficult not to be swept up in that level of enthusiasm. More significant, however, is that the Australian cricket team neither looks nor feels representative of Australian society. Though a multicultural nation, Australia’s cricket side is filled to the brim with white Australians. Even though youth, suburban and grade cricketing ranks alike have been heavily infiltrated by ethnically subcontinental

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Australians, only Usman Khawaja has managed to crack the Australian set up. Whilst this may change with time, it is currently a poor effort nonetheless compared to the other multicultural cricketing nations. The England side, for example, contains English players who are culturally South African, Indian, Pakistani, Irish and Scottish. The South African team, alternatively, ensures racial parity through quotas for black players; even the most divided nations have made more significant strides towards a cricket team that all citizens can be proud of. The issue is as much one of social integration as it is of sporting patriotism. The tendency to ask Australians with cultural backgrounds that are not British “where they are from” augurs belief that some are ‘more’ or ‘less’ Australian than others. The promotion of Khawaja to the Australian team is an important step towards bridging the gap between Australia’s diverse cricket communities. One day, there may be no need for the Swami Army. Until then, however, at least one section of the MCG will feel like home for touring Indians.

Michael Coutts is on Twitter: @MD_coutts

honi soit

The Sandstone Report

WE ARE THE 99%! with Artemis ‘Eat the Rich’ Dreamcatcher

ail comrades! Now that the fascist dictatorship that is O-Week is over, it’s time for us to concentrate on what university is truly about: student activism! For those unenlightened philistines (regular university students - Eds.) out there who have been successfully brainwashed by society’s body politic and believe that university is about “graduating” with a “degree” to take up your pre-assigned post in the corporate hegemony that rules us all, allow me to make one thing clear: the revolution is nigh! I, Artemis Dreamcatcher, and my fellow comrades at the Left Socialist Action Alternative Collective Collective will not stop until we have transformed this place of “learning”, by which of course I mean this place of realpolitik mind-control, into a highly progressive, but still highly radicalised, utopia the likes of which the world has never seen! “How will we do this?”, I hear you bleat like the ideological sheep that

you are! Simple, first we destroy the patriarchy! As I’m sure none of you are aware, you blinkered simpletons you, an insidious fashion has been developing on campus since the glory days of 90s grunge finally ended: fashion! Each year the first week of semester sees newly enrolled female first-years - or newly branded livestock as the men who wish to possess them truly see them - engaging in ever more competitive displays of their feminine wiles! As the height of the first-year heel rises, so too does womyn’s propensity to unquestioningly adopt traditional gender-stereotypes. This is why, in a bid to undermine and finally renounce this slavish proclivity once and for all, we, at the Socialist Left Alternative Collective Action Collective, will march to demand a ban not on only high-heels but all shoes on campus! For too long our feet have been imprisoned by the vested interests of corporate greed! Let the clarion call ring out: “No Shoes! No Rules!” Well,

except for the rule about no shoes... But we won’t stop there! No, we, at the Alternative Left Socialist Action Collective Alternative Collective Action, will not cease until we have done away with all sartorial enslavement. We will not rest until we have succeeded in forcing all students on campus, myn and womyn alike, to wear unisex, one size fits all, dungarees at all times. I, Artemis Dreamcatcher, am living proof that gender is a construct perpetuated by rich, white men to delineate the fecund, sweaty, dread-locked mass that is humanity into neat categories to which they can advertise their “products”. Thereby rendering you captive like so many paltry batteryfarmed poultry! These overalls will be completely environmentally sustainable, their carbon footprint off-set by the pocket-mulching that will fuel the revolution! But for now, as we languish here

Birkenstocks will be exempt from the ban.

in this authoritarian gulag we call a university waiting for the change that will shortly come, we, at the Socialist Action Left Alternative Socialist Action Collective, shall content our selves with marching to oppose the university’s attempt to ban smoking! This ban is nothing short of Orwellian thoughtcrime, which is why we want to ban the university from making bans! Remember comrades, we are the 99%! Join VegeSoc! Capitalism is Murder! Eat the Rich! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

RH Doomsday Clock ON Ticks Closer to 3pm I WA

The SRC’s Doomsday Clock is now hanging perilously close to 3pm after news of Sydney University’s declaration of war on ANU’s newspaper Woroni. Also influencing the Clock’s movements is confusion over the meaning of ‘war’, and a general sense of increasing apathy toward scientific research. The distress caused the clock’s famed minute hand to move from 2:54pm to 2:57pm, its great-

The AntiPresident’s Report Greetings subjects, I wish to take this opportunity to disabuse you of the notion that a student housing shortage exists. The SRC, that moribund, redundant organisation would have you believe that the only ‘affordable’ option for most students is, can you believe it, ‘share-housing’. Ugh, imagine living amongst the peasants in squalor! I shudder at the thought. In my humble opinion there’s only one acceptable form of “share-housing” and that is college. As you know if you’ve been reading my good friend Damien Thomson’s column, the colleges are the last surviving bastion of culture and refinement on campus. So if the commute from Mosman is simply too much to handle or Daddy has revoked your access to the BMW fear not as the sandstone citadels are there for you! Cheap, convenient and conducive to getting involved in

honi soit

est leap since University-wide fears in 2008 that a proposed ‘Rugby Old Boy’s Society’ would receive Union funding.

the ‘Father of Horology’, discussed the likelihood of misinterpreting a reading of the clock:

A source reportedly close to a former SRC member quoted the news as “not good”, before declining to comment further.

“When it comes to clocks, we’ve been speculating since the dawn of the digital age of clockwork as to whether or not the hour hand is the shorter of the two,” he said.

Renowned Doomsday Clockmaker, Uncle Frank, known to a rare few as

we’re theoretically, or maybe literally, living in a black hole where time is immeasurable.”

When asked about the Clock’s movements, General (Secretary) Tim Matthews curiously responded with the comment “we are very pleased with the progress of the Union’s ‘Are You With “Until there is some form of consensus Us’ campaign.”

student life. But don’t take my word for it, write in and ask Damian himself, but beware you’re in for a wild time with that jester (sex pest - Eds).

How to ruin tutorials

Urgent message: SUPER TUESDAY DRINKS CANCELLED. Dear fellow Young Liberals, I’ve had to cancel Tuesday night’s proposed drinks because apparently the Republican primaries will not conclude until Wednesday, due to the time difference. This is obviously of great embarrassment. But worry not, those responsible shall fear my wrath! Watch out Mitt Romney, watch out!

As a mother I naturally feel compelled to preface every comment I make in tutorials with the fact that I am a mother. They seem harmless enough... I also feel that as a mother I have a right to make inane comments about my children that have absolutely nothing to do with what we’ve been discussing in class. Which reminds me, on the topic of tutorials, of the last time I went shopping with my youngest, Rupert. I was having some of the other mothers from Rupert’s Yoga for Youngsters class over for afternoon tea and desperately wanted to impress the other ‘yummy mummies’; that’s a little nickname we’ve given ourselves, not because we haven’t let ourselves go – God you should see Marjory these days, she’s absolutely ballooned since the trial separation! – but be-

‘Til next time, your loyal antiPresident, John Leigh

Affordable student living

with every mature-aged student ever

@honi_soit

cause all our social activities are based around food. Well, wouldn’t you know it, there we were, my little Rupey and I, lining up in the bakery to collect the macaroons when out of nowhere he just starts coming out in the most hideous hives! I turned on the bakery with the ferocity of a mama grizzly protecting her cub, or alternately, like a middleaged woman forced to choose between taking her son to hospital and being the consummate host. Who was responsible for little Rupey’s anaphylactic shock?! The woman with the poodle? The man eating the peanuts? The poppy-seeded buns? The milk fridge? Unfortunately, Rupey’s allergies were too extensive to narrow it down to one source. I grabbed him, threw him over my shoulder and ran! But not before collecting my two dozen mixed macaroons – I couldn’t let the yummy mummies down, that would be unthinkable! When we finally got to the hospital the doctor politely informed us that little Rupey’s hives were in fact pink highlighter. Crisis averted!

dstone Report

SRC Help

Are you

Ask Abe

22 years

Hi Abe,

or older?

If you are 22 years old, Centrelink will consider you independent. That means you will be assessed on your own income and assets, not that of your parents and you may be eligible to receive Centerlink payments. Check the SRC website for details

www.src.usyd.edu.au or email help@src.usyd.edu.au

Earning Money While You Get Youth Allowance The Student Income Bank is a way to allow students to earn some money while receiving Youth Allowance. Currently, students are able to earn up to $236 per fortnight without reduction to Youth Allowance. That means, if in the first fortnight you didn’t earn any money, you could earn $572 ($236 + $236) in the second fortnight without a reduction to Youth Allowance. If in the second fortnight you only earned $100, your Youth

Contact the SRC help@src.usyd.edu.au Phone: 9660 5222

Allowance wouldn’t be reduced and the remaining $472 would carry to the third fortnight. This amount is called your “student income bank”. It can accumulate $6000.

However from 1st July, 2012, students will be able to earn more. The $236 figure is increased to $400 and $316 will be increased to $480. The accumulated maximum will be $10,000.

If you have nothing left in your “student income bank” the reduction in your payment is calculated as 60 cents per dollar for every dollar between $236 and $316, then 50 cents per dollar for every dollar afterwards.

For more details look at the Student Income Bank ‘Calculator’ in the SRC Help section of the SRC website.

Residential Tenancy Agreeme

nt (Share Housing)

Premises (specify which room):

______________________________

Landlord (includes head tenant ): Name:_________________________ ______

______

______________________________

____________________

Address: __________________

______________________________

Phone: ________________________

Are you SHARE HOUSING? Use this FREE Residential Tenancy Agreement Form for share housing. Download it from SRC website: www.src.usyd.edu.au/?q=node/8 (on SRC Legal Service web page) Or get a copy from SRC Office, Level 1 (basement) Wentworth Building, G01. Phone 02 9660 5222

@honi_soit

______________________________

Mobile:________________________

_________________________

(optional: ID number:___________

______________________)

Tenant: Name: ________________________

______________________________

___________________________

Address: __________________

______________________________

Phone: ________________________

______________________________

_________________________

______________________)

Period/term of agreement is: Starting on______/______/____

____and ending on______/____

__/________

Termination notice of ____________

_______days should be given

The rent is $_________________

________per___________________

____

proper receipt should be provide

d every time rent is paid)

at___________________________by

b) into the following bank accoun

cash/cheque, or_________________

t:_____________________________

______________________________

Rental bond: A rental bond paid in full by the tenant is $_________________ ______________ The amount of the rental bond must not be more than 4 weeks rent. Any other additional charges/fees:_ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______ Condition report: A condition report relating to the condition of the premises must be completed before or signed and attach to this agreem when this agreement is ent. Right to occupy: The landlord agrees that the tenant has the right to occupy and have quiet enjoyment of the shared common areas (bathro the above premises including om, kitchen, laundry, living room, dining room, yard, parking etc) during the tenancy. Note: Head tenants should make sure that they have obtained consent to sub-let. The standard terms of residen tial tenancy in New South Wales are implied by law.

Signature Landlord:__________ Date______/______/________

The University has a Scholarships office that may be able to help you. There are scholarships for a wide range of students, with an equally wide range of awards, literally ranging from a couple of hundred dollars to many thousands of dollars. First year students should feel particularly encouraged to apply. The interesting thing about scholarships is that most people won’t apply, making them less competitive that you would think. The University also has a Financial Assistance Service. They can lend you money in an emergency. Local students who have a successful semester may be able to convert that loan into a bursary. That’s a loan you don’t have to pay back.

arting on______/______/____

a) to ________________________

I’m sorry to hear about your struggle. It is certainly not uncommon. There are a few things you can do. Look for secondhand textbooks – start at the SRC secondhand bookshop. If you lecturer tells you to buy the latest edition ask what the differences are, because you may be able to get away with an older edition. There are lots of places to get free food. Contact the SRC for some ideas, but lots of students get food from the Hare Krishnas put the front of Newtown Neighbourhood Centre every evening between 6 and 7:30pm.

______________payable in advanc

every_________________________st Method of payment: (Note:

Hi Poor Family,

Abe

to other party in writing.

Rent:

Centrelink? Poor Family

If you need other help with more specific things contact the SRC caseworkers. We can give you ideas on where else to go.

Mobile:________________________

(optional: ID number:___________

I’m from a bit of a poor family I and I need some financial help. (live ce already get Youth Allowan at home rate), but it’s not really enough to buy all my text books ut and living costs. I’m worried abo my on ing the pressure that I’m putt parents and younger brother and sister. Can you tell me if there’s ity some other way I can get a Univers from loan or get the higher rate

_________________ Signature Tenant:__________________ Date______/______/________

facebook.com/honisoitsydney

_________

Abe is the SRC’s welfare dog. This column offers students the opportunity to ask questions on anything. This can be as personal as a question on a Centrelink payment or as general as a question on the state of the world. If you would like to ask Abe a question send an email to help@src.usyd.edu.au. Abe gathers his answers from experts in a number of areas. Coupled with his own expertise on dealing with people, living on a low income and being a dog, Abe’s answers can provide you excellent insight.

honi soit

SRC Reports SRC President’s Report Phoebe Drake breaks it down Breaking down the BFR There is no real disagreement over the idea that investing in higher education is an investment in the future. Moreover, it can hardly be denied that education as it currently exists is in dire need of increased funding- students need, after all, better support services, smaller staff-student ratios, well equipped research facilities and well trained lecturers and tutors. So, the question that needs to be, and is currently being asked is how can funding be increased, realistically, and consistently to ensure we are providing the best quality education overall? I sat at a roundtable recently where we discussed this very subject. It was, indeed, interesting to see student organisations, universities, and even the Department of Industry, Innovation Science, Research and Tertiary Education (DIISRTE) agree that a long-term solution to address the underfunding in universities was a necessity. It was more interesting, however, to see disagreements emerge over process because, ultimately, if we cannot simply increase funding through some sort of money injection, then we must look towards base funding… What is Base Funding? Base Funding is distributed by the government and is used to support universities. Universities are accountable to the government, but can choose how to spend it. It is put towards teaching and learning, as well as research facilities. It is the part of your education that is funded by the government and ideally is ‘fair, simple and transparent’. What happens, in reality, is that with faculties overwhelmingly underfunded, universities are backed into a corner where they must make decisions involving ‘economies of scale’, stripping funding from one faculty to redirect to another in order to meet specific accreditation requirements. The most recent example I was provided with is Vet Science, which has a specific staff/ student ratio, and in order to meet the required ratio, the university reverts to cross subsidization, at the detriment of less tightly regulated faculties, such as the Arts and Social Sciences. So that’s why your classes are overcrowded- because the base funding is not distributed evenly across faculties. The Base Funding Review The Base Funding Review commenced in late 2010 and sought to determine the best possible balance between public and private contributions towards the cost of undergraduate and postgraduate education. All stakeholders (universities, student organisations, NUS, private institutions etc) were invited to make submissions, which were collated to

produce the BFR, which was released on 8th December last year. The BFR is made up of 29 recommendations, which seek to improve the funding of universities and enable Australia to be competitive and deliver high quality education at an international level. The SRC here at Sydney University, also made a submission, which explains why I participated in the recent stakeholder consultation (one of fourteen to be held across Australia). There, alongside representatives from National Union of Students (NUS), I called on the government to increase funding to higher education by ten per cent to address the serious levels of underfunding at universities across Australia. The results from that discussion were mixed, with universities and organisations taking opposing sides as to how best address the balance between public and private contributions. Moreover, debate intensified over several recommendations within the BFR. Recommendations of the BFR Whilst many of the recommendations were fairly uncontroversial, i.e. no one argued against the need for investment, or against the need to target areas of underfunding in areas such as dentistry and nursing; two recommendations in particular emerged as highly contentious and ignited some fairly healthy debate. Recommendation 13: Funding for flagship programs The Australian Government should encourage institutions to develop outstanding programs that would be funded up to 50 per cent more than the standard base funding rate, by both government and student contributions according to the 40:60 ratio, to a limit of 5 per cent of each institution’s total Commonwealth supported load. An elitist idea, to an extent, and unpopular with the stakeholders, opposition to this recommendation was high, with very few seeing much benefit from introducing a program that charged students 50 per cent more than any other degree. Accessibility of education is, of course, an immediate concern with any proposal such as this, especially given the existence of higher debt aversion amongst low socio-economic status (SES), rural and Indigenous students, which would be more likely to discourage participation. Recommendation 23: Appropriate balance of contributions The balance of student and government contributions should be set at a fixed proportion with students contributing 40 per cent and the Government contributing 60 per cent of the funding for each Commonwealth supported place.

Student opposition to this recommendation is based on the fact that while the current average student contribution rate is about 40% we believe that it should be a flat 40% averaged across all disciplines (as was the case before 1997) rather than 40% of the cost of each discipline. This eliminates the impact of price differential on student decision over which discipline to study (i.e. low SES students end up disproportionately in teaching and nursing and high SES in law and medicine. Although, it’s important to note cost is not the only factor behind this inequality). Brief History on HECS Models HECS, has over history been funded differently and, at times, not existed at all. The following explains the models of funding for higher education to date: Prior to 1974: Up front tuition fees • Pay costs up front • Disadvantaged students needed a scholarship or took out a personal loan from a commercial provider • Increase in commonwealth and teaching scholarships by 1970 to meet needs of students 1974-1986: Free Education • Abolishment of up front tuition fees • Commonwealth became responsible for running and funding higher education 1989: Flat HECS • A fee set at $1800 (in 1989 terms) for all courses • Based on a 20% student contribution to the cost of providing an undergraduate place • Averaged across all disciplines

of providing the course and estimated future income of average graduates from that discipline • HECS rates increased by forty per cent and repayment threshold lowered from $30 000 to $21 000 2004: Differential HECS Part TwoThe Remix • Student contribution rates increased again by twenty-five per cent • Increase in the income repayment threshold from $24 000 to $36 000 • HECS renamed HECS-HELP The BFR recommends that student contribution rates be based on forty per cent of the average course cost for that discipline. The contrary argument being pushed by students is that if there must be a student contribution, it should be based on a flat fee across all disciplines as was the case before 1997. If the government and universities are serious about meeting the participation targets set out in the Bradley Review, then we should see this position taken up more broadly. What Happens Next? The Government is yet to finish its round of consultations with stakeholders, which will provide them with an indication as to how the principles and recommendations of the BFR are viewed. This will inform the Governments response and it is unlikely we will know much more until the end of the year. If you do have any questions, or want to know more about the BFR, feel free to send me an email at president@ src.usyd.edu.au

1997: Differential HECS • Students charged different rates depending on discipline

Phoebe Drake is the SRC President

• Four HECS bands • Rates derived from a mix of the costs

For more information about the SRC, visit: www.src.usyd.edu.au honi soit

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SRC Reports Education Officers’ Report

David Pink and Sam Farrell get to the nitty gritty details Welcome back! Thanks to the fantastic efforts of the University of Sydney Union, you probably had an unbearably amazing time at O-week – it’s a shame about the mud, but take heart from the fact that the manicured lawns will never quite be the same again. For new arrivals the first teaching week will be a time of revelation: textbooks and labs will soon replace free beer, and it’ll slowly dawn on you that uni actually involves doing an HSC every semester: but unlike the real HSC, you’ll actually learn shit. Over the summer, your Education Officers have been busy trying to get lectures recorded online, fighting staff cuts, and grappling with the bizarre implications of the Base Funding Review. Phoebe’s given you a broad run-

down, but we want to give you an idea of just what a rationalized contribution scheme could mean. To summarize, the fee students pay will be exactly 40 per cent of the cost it takes for the university to run the degree program. This could lead to some radically inequitable outcomes. Using 2011 values, the National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU) estimates that student contributions for undergrads studying accounting, commerce, economics, and law would decline from over $9000 to $4800 – a saving of more than $4000 per year. On the other side of the spectrum, the cost of studying agriculture would increase by $6600 a year, medicine, dentistry and vet science by $5000, nursing by $2200 and science/engineering by $1800. The

cost of studying humanities would be slightly less expensive (-$600), and education marginally more (+$400). The old system charged students more to study law than nursing. This was for the fairly obvious reason that being education in law gives you, on average, a far higher career income than someone who works as a nurse. However, the proposed model pays no notice to equity of access. It costs very little to teach law – all you require is a teacher and a classroom. Nursing, however, requires a lot of practical training and technology in order to give nurses the experience they need for the job. The result is that, while a law student will pay $4800 a year, a nurse will be expected to contribute $7680 ($3000 more!)

2012 is going to be a big year for the Education Action Group. We’re a collective of ordinary students with an extraordinary purpose, fighting for a better education - that means no staff cuts, smaller tutorial sizes and a sane approach to teaching and learning. We meet at 4pm every Tuesday on the front lawns (the lawns outside the Quad) and organize democratically. All and sundry are welcome. Bring yourself, your friends and ideas for campaigns you’d like to see run. Until next week, remember, your education is not for profit! David Pink and Sam Farrell are the SRC Education Officers

Clearly, this isn’t fair.

General Secretary’s Report Tim Matthews is pronounced ‘Tim Matthews’ Pop quiz for your first week back – what do Laurie Oakes, Keith Windschuttle, Verity Firth and Craig Reucassel all have in common? Answer – you’re holding it. Congratulations, friend, for picking up a copy of our nations only free weekly student newspaper – Honi Soit. The newspaper that you are holding has a long and rich history of being as biting, controversial and provocative as it is educative and hilarious. The SRC first published Honi in 1929, and it has been written, compiled and edited by students ever since. The name Honi Soit (“oneee swaaah”) is short for the Old French saying Honi soit qui mal y pense – “Shame be to him who thinks evil of it”. Each year, the students of this University elect a board of up to ten editors. Every different team who has edited Honi brings their own individual

style and touch to the history of the paper.

tremely proud to bring you a fresh dose of Honi-lovin’ every single week.

Delving into the archives of Honi you can trace a history of student activism, student representation, and student life. From a report on a student protest at the Italian embassy when they joined the Axis in 1940, through reports of one of the largest student protests in history on the front lawns. to tips on eating on a student income (which, by the way, has changed little in 80 years). Honi has also never shied away from controversy – including the need to publish a disclaimer on the reports of then President Tony Abbott, or the time they were threatened with being sued by Alan Jones.

A regular student newspaper is important for so many reasons. Initially, the opportunity it provides to budding writers, artists, editors, or professional angry-SMH-letter-writers is invaluable. Honi provides a chance for students to hone their skills in argument, analysis, criticism, or comedy. Beyond that, Honi is important because it informs students about what is going on in their campus – it has been up to Honi to update students most on the negotiations between the USU and the University, to provide the clearest explanation of the SSAF and how it is being spent, or to examine funding cutbacks across various schools and departments. For the most part, that information is useful to you because you should be mighty pissed off about it (or at the very least it is something you ought to know). Honi

Following the introduction of Voluntary Student Unionism in 2006 many student newspapers were either discontinued or shifted from weekly to monthly circulation. Your SRC is ex-

stands alone in its capacity to provide weekly critique of everyone’s favourite Vice-Chancellor and part-time comic book villain, Dr Michael Spence. And that is fucking fantastic. Honi Soit is only really made valuable by your contributions. So write something. Have experience cage wrestling? Disappointed in the sliding quality of qanda? Think your lecturer is awful? – write it. The Honi editorial team can also provide assistance and feedback on your work, a valuable exercise for any budding writer. Quick! Grab the nearest keyboard, pen, pencil, chisel and rock, or just write it in your own blood – and get scribbling (your first week readings aren’t that important anyway). Tim Matthews is the SRC General Secretary

Women’s Officers’ Report Kate O’Brien and Annabel Osborn Our o-week stall for Women’s Collective was a fantastic success thanks to the many enthusiastic women who signed up! We are really excited about the year ahead and look forward to working with such a great group of women. If you didn’t get a chance to sign up to collective at O-week please come along to our first collective meeting on Wednesday at 1pm in the Women’s Room in the Holme Building. All woman-identifying students (no matter their age, sexuality, ethnicity, backgrounds, experiences, interests) at the University of Sydney are encouraged to join!

This Thursday 8th March is International Women’s Day. For this historically important and everrelevant event, we are holding an IWD Breakfast. All women are invited to come along. It’s a great opportunity to meet other women on campus and celebrate the successes of the feminist movement and discuss the issues that still impact the lives of women worldwide. The breakfast will be in the Holme Reading Room and you’re welcome to attend any time between 9am-11am. All women, staff and students, are invited to come along you don’t have to be in the Women’s Collective or identify as a feminist to come.

Women’s collective has an exciting year ahead with lots of campaigns and events planned. We will be taking action to ensure that campus is made safer for women, especially at night as well as working on developing a sexual harassment reporting system. We will be running a weekly discussion group on Monday at 5pm in New Law Seminar Room 117, which is open to everyone, men and women. Looking forward to meeting you all!

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Lecture Notes THE QUIZ 1. Who won the 2012 Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his role in ‘Beginners’? 2. How many votes did Julia Gillard receive from the Labor caucus in last week’s leadership challenge by Kevin Rudd? 3. The Gobi desert crosses the border of which two countries? 4. What flowering plant does the vanilla bean come from? A) Orchid B) Crocus C) Ti tree 5. Why did the 2010 AFL Grand Final need to be replayed the following week? 6. In what year is the first Harry Potter novel, The Philosopher’s Stone, set? 7. Along with Karl Marx, who co-authored the Communist Manifesto? 8. Last week, British band Radiohead announced they were touring Australia, what is the name of their most recent studio album (2011)? 9. In what year did the Berlin Wall fall? 10. What is a correct spelling (there are two) of this word relating to rendering someone insensible to pain? A) anaestetised B) anaesthetised C) anestheticised 11. What do the Italian “Iago,” the French “Jacques,” the Scottish “Hamish,” and the Spanish “Diego” have in common? 12. Who, from December 5 1972 until November 11 1975, was the Prime Minister of Australia? 13. What is the capital of Algeria? 14. In football (soccer), the English Premier League came into being in 1992, who is the only player to have scored in every season since? 15. In what year was current French president Nicolas Sarkozy elected? 16. What film, featuring Javier Bardem, Kelly Macdonald and Woody Harrelson, won the Oscar for best picture in 2008? 17. Where was the Titanic built? A) Southampton B) Aberdeen C) Belfast 18. What is the seventh planet from the sun? 19. In what year did Michael Jackson release his recordbreaking album Thriller? 20. What is Entomology the scientific study of? Answers below.

SUDOKU Under what circumstance could a person walk along a railroad track, discover an oncoming train, and have to run toward the train to avoid being struck?

TEASER

TARGET

E E E A R T R I T

KENKEN

Make as many words out of the letters above, always including the letter in the centre. 11 = Nice try. 22 = Actually good. >26 = Nerd.

KenKen tips: 1. Numbers can not repeat in any row or column. 2. The puzzle is split into boxes called “cages” 3. In the upper left-hand corner of each cage is a target number and a mathematical sign indicating how the numerals within a particular cage interact to produce the target number.

CROSSWORD

ACROSS

2. When shaken, gin + tonic - 100 + 1 might start something (8)

5. Western pivot point is likely to complain (6)

3. Sadly, Chad wins a ménage à trois (8)

6. Unfinished donut is digested to take back action (4) 8. Ahem, perhaps inside it is a fibre (4) 11. Quiet places for ice skating and head doctors (7) 13. When a B.A. is joined with the way to soak (5) 14. In disrepair or went to place bets, perhaps? (4,2,3,4) 18. Amalgamated Anglo attack will brag (5) 19. Seen ifs broken to show expertise (7)

4. The Chairman almost sounds like a cat? (3) 5. Manners and aspects (4) 7. The prominence that the electro-magnetic pulse possesses exists (8) 9. It’s alright to go back on a knock-out (1,1,) 10. Oddly, orbs add to the shortest verse in the Bible (4) 12. Legg rash healed for negotiators (8) 15. Broken seat gobbles (4) 16. Aren’t oil exchanges of the Far East? (8)

22. Dredged reef costs nothing (4)

17. A plummeting rose-dove is too much (8)

23. A friend may do what they do on the Discovery Channel (4)

20. Fee-fi-fo-fum; a possibility is inside (2)

24. Search for brother, West, South and East (6)

21. A topless tease might abate (4)

25. Complacent shim worn down to a deed (14)

Paps

DOWN

1. Making repayments as spinning rims seem burnt (14)

23. Parent’s the word (3)

Answers The Quiz: 1. Christopher Plummer 2. 71 3. Mongolia and China 4. A – Orchid 5. Initial Grand Final was tied 68-68 6. 1991 7. Friedrich Engels 8. The King of Limbs 9. 1989 10. B – anaesthetised 11. They mean ‘James’ in English 12. Gough Whitlam 13. Algiers 14. Ryan Giggs 15. 2007 16. No Country for Old Men 17. C – Belfast 18. Uranus 19. 1982 20. Insects. Brain Teaser: When you are near the entrance to a train tunnel, and running towards the train would be the fastest way out of the tunnel.

honi soit

@honi_soit

The Back Page Classifieds FOR SALE

Resident Honi astrologist, the All-Knowing Esmerelda, shares her sage wisdom but keeps this week’s lottery numbers to herself. Pisces This week will be a week for love. Self-love, that is. Treat yourself to some Y-O-U time! Take a hot bath, wrap your arms around yourself, let the steam from the bathwater mingle with your tears and tell yourself that everything will be alright. Then eat your feelings – I recommend double chocolate cheesecake sprinkled with self-loathing. What cheeky indulgence!

Taurus The sky was too cloudy for me to be able to use the stars to divine your future this week, so I decided to watch a movie instead. Have you ever seen Bring It On? Well, in that film Torrance is the captain of the Toros cheerleading squad, and both those names sound a lot like Taurus, don’t you think? And in that film, the cheerleading squad learns to work together as a team, and the two rival captains learn to respect one another, irrespective of social class. Given the similarities between the film and your life (Taurus and Toros, remember?), I am sure that the plot and overt moral messages of this mediocre film will have some bearing on your life this week.

sell the diamonds that spring from their eyes.

Sagittarius

As you may or may not Virgo be aware, ‘Sagittarius’ is an All the LSD wore off before anagram of ‘A guitar sits.’ Evidently, this is the uniI could divine your future. verse’s way of telling you Sorry, I’ll do you first next that a musician lies dormant time, I promise. within you. Enrol in music Libra classes this week, and you Like the feminine hygiene may be pleasantly surprised brand after which your starat the results! sign is presumably named, Capricorn you’re good at absorbing High on a hill was a lonely things. Sights, sounds, smells, goatherd, layee odl layee odl the world around you – and Aries lay hee hoo! Loud was the trans fats! Fortunately, your This week, try preheating zodiac symbol is here to help: voice of the lonely goatherd, your oven to 220°C. Find the the scales! Try to weigh your- layee odl layee odl oo! Folks leg or shoulder of an animal; in a town that was quite self morning and night, and how about you use a baby remote heard layee odl layee minimise your consumption sheep?! With a good sharp odl lay hee hoo! Lusty and of high-fat foods, and you knife, make between twelve may be able to avoid becom- clear from the goatherd’s and sixteen long shallow slits throat heard layee odl layee ing just another statistic in in the baby animal leg, and our nation’s fight against the odl oo! Odl lay-hee! Odl press a slice of garlic and a lay-hee! Odl lay hee-hee! Odl growing obesity epidemic. I sprig of rosemary into each lay-hee! Odllayee odllay odlmake no promises though. Gemini slit. Then, you may want layee odllay odllayee odllay Scorpio to put the baby animal leg Gemini. Gem – In - I. Gem odllayee odllayee odlayee Know this – everyone has into a large roasting dish, in eye! Coincidence? I think odlayee odlay! Wooo! someone out there waiting brush it with oil, season it not – embrace your sadness Aquarius well with pepper, and place and misery this week, because for them. It’s just a matter With Saturn in the fourth of finding the right perit into the oven you conyour tears will turn to diahouse and an unwanted veniently preheated earlier monds! Diamonds, I tell you, son. Think back over your distant relation in your own – everything’s coming nicely diamonds! Diamonds and em- life – is there anyone you’ve house, you may be forced to offended? Are you in debt together this week, isn’t it? eralds and sapphires and all get creative this week; just to anyone? Is there a vengeRoast the baby animal leg that is good and wonderful! remember, while the feel of a ful widow and/or eldest son until it’s just cooked on the Cancer carving knife through flesh is you might have foolishly outside but bloody and soft I’m just so sorry. highly satisfying, blunt force had mercy on only to find on the inside, then deliver trauma administered with a out that they’re now planLeo it to: A.K. Esmerelda on the large, heavy vegetable will ning your demise? Trust no The stars have foretold Astrology desk at the Honi do the job nicely too. Plus, poverty and fiscal misfortune one and cover all your bases. Soit offices. Once this ritual you can boil the offending Get a firearm licence. Get a for you this week. Fortuis complete, you shall surely vegetable down into soup firearm. Lock the door. And have a bountiful harvest and nately there is a solution afterwards. Nutritious and a whole bunch of good karma – find yourself a Gemini, hit wait. unsuspicious! them until they cry, and then and juju and shit like that.

Radiohead tickets. Price: Your soul and earthly possessions. Mario Party 1,3,4,5,6,7,8. All of them but 2. I could never sell 2. Facebook shares. Price: Dirt cheap, if you’re extremely rich. My daughter’s virginity. No pun; her actual virginity. Contact: Felicia McClure. WANTED University of Sydney Union Please contact: M. Spence Financial Solvency Please contact: University of Sydney Union SSAF Funding Please contact: SRC SRC Presidency Please contact: Tim Matthews LOST Sense of self Please contact: Party Unity Please contact: ALP The Plot What happens?! I really want to know what happens! My Memory Please Contact: M. Meldrum GIVING AWAY Radiohead tickets. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jks. I want your soul and earthly possessions.

GILLARD THE MUSICAL - COMING SOON starring:

“When you’re good to mama, mama’s good to you...”

“He had it coming. He had it coming. He only had himself to blame” “One thing I know... And I’ve always known... I am my own best friend”

“Whatever happened to old values, and fine morals, and good breeding?”

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honi soit

Students’ Representative Council The University of Sydney

C R S i n U y Sydne

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! R E 660 5222 9 B r o M p o E h s k C Boo OME A M C Office, SR

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UNDERGRADUATE STUDENTS Support & Advocacy

• Centrelink • Academic Appeals • Discontinuing/Withdrawing • Show Cause • Exclusion • Tenancy • Fee Refunds • Harassment & Discrimination • International Students • Plagiarism & misconduct

Free Legal Advice

• Referrals • Discrimination & Equal Opportunity • Employment law • Minor criminal matters/traffic offences/ fines • Victims of violence • Debts

The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney.

SRC Books - Buy your textbooks cheap! • Buy & sell your textbooks • Search for books online SRC website Wentworth Level 4 (next to the International Lounge)

Emergency Loans

$50 emergency loans for students in need

Student Publications

• Honi Soit weekly newspaper www.src.usyd.edu.au/honisoit • International Students Handbook • Orientation Handbook • Counter Course Handbook • Growing Strong - Women’s Handbook

Student Rights & Representation

SRC Representatives are directly elected by students each year to stand up for students’ rights on campus and in the wider community. Find the SRC at...

Level 1 Wentworth Building (under City Rd footbridge) Ph: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au If you are at another campus, email: help@src.usyd.edu.au

www.src.usyd.edu.au

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Student Central Wentworth building

Students’ Representative Council The University of Sydney BECOME A MEMBER! Join in person at O-Week SRC stall, SRC Office or SRC Bookshop phone 02 9660 5222

UNDERGRADUATE STUDENTS Support & Advocacy

SRC Books - Buy your textbooks cheap!

Free Legal Advice

• Buy & sell your textbooks • Search for books online SRC website Wentworth Level 4 (next to the International Lounge)

Emergency Loans

$50 emergency loans for students in need

Student Publications

• Referrals • Discrimination & Equal Opportunity • Employment law • Minor criminal matters/traffic offences/ fines • Victims of violence • Debts

ASK US ABOUT The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney.

E C I O V R U YO C R S R U O Y

• Honi Soit weekly newspaper www.src.usyd.edu.au/honisoit • International Students Handbook • Orientation Handbook • Counter Course Handbook • Growing Strong - Women’s Handbook

Student Rights & Representation

SRC Representatives are directly elected by students each year to stand up for students’ rights on campus and in the wider community.

Find the SRC at...

Level 1 Wentworth Building (under City Rd footbridge) Ph: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au If you are at another campus, email: help@src.usyd.edu.au

www.src.usyd.edu.au

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SRC

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Student Central Wentworth building