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Conflict Resolution for kids
As your child grows and becomes more independent, knowing how to successfully resolve conflict with others on her own is a vital ‘soft skill’ that will keep her friendships strong. Kids often turn to social media to try to work out a disagreement, thinking it will be faster and easier than having an in-person discussion. However, as I’m sure we’ve all experienced, written responses sent through phones or social media are often misinterpreted since they are missing the non-verbal cues, emotions and tones that come with in-person communication. Such misinterpretations can add fuel to the fire versus working more effectively with oral discussions towards putting it out.
Here are some tips for teaching your child how to successfully resolve conflicts and avoid unnecessary drama. However, these tips do not apply to intentionally hurtful, bullish behavior, which should be addressed by adults.
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Discuss why social media and texting is not the place to communicate a complaint or respond to one. Encourage her to address disagreements in person, quickly after they arise. Coach her to make contact with them to schedule a meeting in person. If that’s not possible, then a call or preferably a video chat.
Help your child practice expressing her feelings using statements that explain the issue in a friendly way, such as starting statements with “I feel.” The objective is not to attack the other person with accusations. This approach is much less likely to put them on the defensive.
Teach your child to listen carefully to her friend’s response and to make an effort to understand her friend’s feelings on the issue when trying to work out a resolution.
Teach her to apologize for any negative feelings that may have resulted from her action or inaction and then offer to leave it all behind and move on or offer a workable compromise.
Explain that it is acceptable to leave the conversation if the other person becomes hostile and is not interested in collaborating to find a resolution at that time.
